#94 – Ye Old Crappiest Vacation Ever! (part one)

Posted on June 11, 2011 by L.J.
Kuja: “I’ve never been so grateful for Heidegger’s vast amount of blubber.”

Originally Published: 7/10/01 . 41 pages

Synopsis
The gang is headed off to Williamsburg, VA for some fun and learning! But things go bad from the start. The ride is a long one, the hotel is a dump, and Sephiroth thinks Lark is paying too much attention to Vincent. Is their vacation off to a bad start? Meanwhile, the losers are headed to Nida’s parent’s cabin for some relaxation of their own!

Ramble Milestones
-First appearance of Nida’s family
-Stinky’s first appearance
-Cousin Jimbo’s first appearance
-Mr. Jingle’s first apperance

Well, there’s a lot going on in these next three rambles! And I really love these. So much of what happens was based on stuff that actually happened to my family. Take the lovely hotel they stay at for one thing – we stayed at a hotel in upstate NY that made us wait forever for crappy rooms that had no towels, TV’s that barely worked, and pillows and blankets you really didn’t want to touch. The pool was not nearly as disgusting as the one here, but there were a lot of sticks and leaves in it. Also, Reno going to get ice in his underwear and the one armed TV repair guy are jokes from that trip. Two more notes on that hotel – there really was a Holiday Inn across the street but they were booked solid and we couldn’t stay there instead. Also, I revisited this area of NY last year and this hotel is somehow still there. No. I did not stay there.

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#93 – Three Dreams

Posted on June 11, 2011 by L.J.
Wufei: “Since when do we get tests in study hall?!”

Originally Published: 6/27/01 . 30 pages

Synopsis
Lark, Sephiroth and Vincent all have strange dreams. Do they mean anything?

Ramble Milestones
-The only time we get a look at Vincent’s dreams.

I guess I got lazy, because that’s the only thing that can describe Vincent’s excuse for a dream. At least the rest of the ramble is amusing enough.

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#92 – When I Was Your Age

Posted on June 11, 2011 by L.J.
Rude: “…Let’s tell stories.”
Originally Published: 6/19/01 . 23 pages
Synopsis
One boring night, the guys share some stories about themselves.
Ramble Milestones
Nothing this time.
God, there are a lot of depressing stories in this ramble. Most of them are either based on or lifted from my various fan fiction. Laguna’s is my favorite. I’m glad he found those crayons.

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#91 – Zoo Babies

Posted on May 27, 2011 by L.J.
Irvine: “I know! I mean, is looking at animals supposed to be fun or something?”
Originally Published: 6/15/01 . 24 pages
Synopsis
Lucretia wants to go on a family trip to the zoo, but Hojo and Sephiroth aren’t loving the idea. Can she make them the family she always wanted? The ramble gang goes along to find out.

Ramble Milestones
Nothing this time.

This zoo is based on the Bronx Zoo, which is the zoo I grew up visiting. The safari train Seifer, Zell and the girls ride is based on this ride that zoo has called the Bengali Express. I almost never spotted any animals as a kid riding it. They were wisely hiding in the bushes. This one has some humor mixed in with it’s drama, and it’s not very long, which is good, because I was working with a lot of one note joke here.

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#90 – Mother, Where Art Thou?

Posted on May 27, 2011 by L.J.
Lucretia: “Oh, my little angel.”

Originally Published: 6/1/01 . 22 pages

Synopsis
After being gone for so many years, Lucretia comes around looking for Sephiroth. Can he accept her into his life?

Ramble Milestones
-First appearence of Lucretia

Original beginning notes for this ramble: I’ve been waiting to write this ramble for awhile, and now it’s finally here! Now, in this ramble I’m dealing with my own screwed up interpretation of the events in FF7. There is a lot of heartbreak in this ramble, so be prepared. *hugs sephy in advance*
There are a lot of tears in this ramble, that’s for sure. Lucretia starts off as kind of pathetic, but it’s pretty awesome when she punches Hojo right in his mousey face. But her optimism of making them a family makes you cringe, doesn’t it? Also, the “subplot” involving talking on the phone is pretty weak. The only good part is when Tseng starts to tell off San Diego.  This one begins the big build up that will take us straight to ramble 100. Sephiroth’s past really starts to come out here, and there’s more drama than laughs.

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#89 – What You Love, You Never Forget

Posted on May 27, 2011 by L.J.
Sephiroth: “Oh boo hoo. Guess you’ll have to cancel dorkville. I wasn’t going to hang out in there anyway.”

Originally Published: 5/31/01 . 61 pages

Synopsis
It’s the site anniversary, and Lark hits her head, forgetting everyone and everything – even her own name! Can they get her to remember again? Find out how the ramble room came to be started…

Ramble Milestones
Nothing this time.

The story of how it all began. Better to explain it later rather than never, right? Honestly when I started writing these I had no idea how long it would last. I had no origin story in mind. I enjoy how this ramble reflects back on the earlier rambles, like the mention of Tseng and his stocks. I also remember what a pain in the ass it was to do a search on all the past rambles trying to find mentions of Lark’s name for the ending.

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#88 – And Now a Word From Our Sponsors

Posted on May 27, 2011 by L.J.
Barret: “Yo! Put dat Ebonics one on, foo! Dat there’s da useful sh*t!”

Originally Published: 5/29/01 . 16 pages

Synopsis
Believe it or not, Sephiroth dreams in commercials!

Ramble Milestones
Nothing this time.

I used the puppy/sleeping pill ad again!? I just used it in the last ramble. God, at least wait awhile before you rip yourself off. Shell gave me this idea, and I wrote it in a day. Maybe that’s why it’s not that funny. Most of the commercials parodied here were ads running on TV at the time. I especially remember the Oreos ad, which featured some kid spilling tons of milk as they carried their cup and cookies. I hated that commercial. If I had to pick a favorite, I guess it would be the one for Yummy Flakes, which is, of course, a parody of Fruity Pebbles. Barney was always stealing the cereal. They only got along on Christmas – hence Zell’s line.

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#87 – Warning: Parental Units

Posted on May 27, 2011 by L.J.
Lark’s dad: *softly* “You know, the trick is, when someone asks for something you don’t want to buy, you say ‘I can’t afford that right now’, and then they have to stop asking.”
Originally Published: 5/29/01 . 30 pages
Synopsis
Lark and Shell’s parents are coming to visit. Time to convince them everything around the ramble room is totally normal! They’re in for a challenge!

Ramble Milestones
-First appearance of Nips and Bernie.

This one is just weird. There’s a note at the end admitting that I rushed this one, and it is damn obvious. Other than Cait Sith, (“You again? Get a life.”) there aren’t many laughs to be found. As for the stuff at the beginning with the puppies – there was an ad for some sleeping pill that featured a bunch of puppies in a basket. And it looked like there was too many puppies in that basket, so our joke was that was why the guy couldn’t sleep. Because the puppies were complaining there was too many of them in the basket. And continuing the talking animal trend, Nips and Bernie are childhood stuffed animals who we created distinct personalities for. Nips was adorable but evil and looking to take over the world. Bernie’s complexities run deeper, but suffice to say he thinks he’s a big movie star when he’s not. Both stuffed animals are still around, though they have been split up. Probably for the best – everybody’s scared of Nips anyway.

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#86 – Rufus Makes a Movie

Posted on May 16, 2011 by L.J.
Rufus: “I don’t trust any information from a man in a ballerina skirt.”

Originally Published: 5/8/01 . 45 pages

Synopsis
Rufus writes his own version of what would happen if the FF7 and FF8 gangs met, and he’s making a movie out of it! Everyone’s overjoyed to be in a movie at first, but then they read the script! Will Rufus be heading to the Oscars, or dealing with a mutinous cast?

Ramble Milestones
Nothing this time.

I have so much love for this ramble. Shell helped me with the ideas, and it wasn’t the easiest to write, but I love the finished product. Almost any time there’s a ramble where Rufus is in charge, the results are awesome. I could start to list all my favorite parts, but the list would be too long. And if you’re wondering what Twilight put in the coffee…you don’t wanna know.

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#85 – Reeve Wants To Be The Weakest Hollywood Fortune Survivor

Posted on May 15, 2011 by L.J.
Reeve: *grabs seph and shakes him desperately* “You have to let me wake up! I don’t want to be on this show! They’ll kill me! I can barely use a paperclip!”

Originally Published: 4/20/01 . 29 pages

Synopsis
Reeve thinks he’d be great on a TV game show, but how will he do on a slew of reality and game shows? His subconscious is about to show him!

Ramble Milestones
Nothing this time.

Hey – 2001 called. They want their reality shows back. Actually, of the shows featured in this ramble (Fear, Jeopardy, Who Wants to be a Millionaire, Weakest Link, Big Brother, Survivor, Temptation Island, Wheel of Fortune, Hollywood Squares and Boot Camp), most of them are still on the air in some capacity. I’ve watched many of the shows I used at least once, but I had never seen Temptation Island or Boot Camp. (And I don’t think a lot of people did – that’s why they’re long gone.) I like this ramble a lot. I like Reeve, and he doesn’t usually get too much attention, so it’s nice to have the focus on him for a change. His Jeopardy categories are a hoot too.

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