Simon: “You put it up there! Now get it back down!”

Originally Published: 7/22/06 . 47 pages

Synopsis
It’s time for Tifa and Richter to have their baby! But Dracula’s scary cousin Festus has moved in to the castle…and he’s got Belmont baby on the menu for his next meal!

Ramble Milestones
-Duke Belmont is born.
-We meet other members of the Belmont family.

I really enjoy this ramble and all the family drama that comes with it. I’ve always found the monster from Nosferatu pretty damn terrifying, so I thought it would be interesting to have a character like that show up.

(we open with richter and tifa walking down the hallway towards the ramble room. they open the door and suddenly all the ramble chicks, ff chicks, plus koudelka jump out of various hiding places. the whole place is decorated for a baby shower)

Girls: “Surprise!”

Tifa: “Omg! You guys! You threw me a baby shower?!”

Elena: “Of course! Now sit down and rest!”

Shell: “You have a ton of presents to open.”

Tifa: “Oh, you guys didn’t have to go through all this trouble!”

Richter: “Of course they did! You’re carrying a Belmont! He only deserves the best!”

Tifa: “Aw! And someone even baked a cake!”

Lark: “That was all Franswa.”

Tifa: “Aw! How sweet of him!”

(tifa takes a seat amid piles of gifts)

Ashley: “How are you feeling?”

Tifa: “I feel great, actually.”

Shell: “I’d feel great too, if I was surrounded by gifts.”

Ashley: “I meant how was she feeling *physically* since she’s carrying a baby.”

Shell: “Oh. Right.”

Yuffie: “I tried to get the baby some materia, Tifa, but no one would give me any.”

Tifa: “Oh, that’s okay, Yuffie. I don’t think the baby will need it anyway.”

Richter: “Certainly not! All he’ll need is the trusty Belmont whip in his hand!”

Lark: “You’re due any day now, aren’t you?”

Tifa: “Yup!”

Koudelka: “I’m surprised you’re not nervous.”

Selphie: “I would be!”

Tifa: *shrugs* “I guess I haven’t really thought about it.”

Elena: “Don’t worry, Tifa. It can’t be worse than being stranded in a car in the middle of a blizzard and having to have the baby’s gay father deliver the baby.”

Richter: “Certainly not! Tifa will labor at home without drugs and surrounded by the Belmont’s of every generation!”

Girls: *jaw drops*

Lark: “What are you, Scientologists?”

Tifa: “Richter! Are you kidding me?!”

Richter: “Of course not! That’s how Belmont’s have always been born!”

Tifa: “But Richter, this isn’t the Middle Ages anymore! We have hospitals now!”

Richter: “No Belmont has ever been born in a hospital!”

Tifa: “Do I at least get a doctor?”

Richter: “Of course! Belmont’s may be great, but they can’t deliver themselves you know!”

Tifa: “And I don’t want all your male relatives watching me give birth!”

Richter: “Tifa, no other woman ever had a problem with that.”

Tifa: “Maybe they just didn’t say anything!”

Richter: “Tifa, this is Belmont family tradition! Besides, no woman has labored more than ten minutes with a Belmont child!”

Everyone: *blink blink*

Elena: “Seriously?”

Rinoa: “Ten minutes?!”

Koudelka: “I labored for 11 hours. *Hours*.”

Tifa: “Really??”

Richter: “Yes. We’re very eager to come out and start fighting those vampires!”

Tifa: “Well, if that’s the case, I really shouldn’t complain I guess.”

Koudelka: “Ten minutes. If I ever have another kid, I hope it’s a Belmont.”

Richter: “Every woman should want to give birth to a Belmont!”

Tifa: “Okay, give it a rest, dear.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(meanwhile, next door over at dracula’s, alucard and dante are making out on the couch in the living room when dracula wanders in.)

Dracula: “Alucard, where are the trees?”

Alucard: *breaks away* “Dad…can’t you see I’m busy?”

Dracula: *chuckles* “Oh, Alucard! You’re only busy if you’re naked!”

Alucard: “That is *gross*, dad.”

Dracula: “Anyway, Alucard, where are the trees? I left them in the bathtub, but now they’re gone!”

Alucard: “You know what’s gone, dad? Your brain.”

Dracula: *gasp* “It is?! I think you should call the police, Alucard!”

(the doorbell rings)

Dante: “Doorbell, Al.”

Alucard: “I’m not expecting anyone…” *frowns* “Better not be Sephiroth again, pretending to borrow sugar just as an excuse to hang out.”

Dante: *chuckles* “He is so sad.”

Dracula: “I’ll get it, Alucard! It might be bunnies here for pickled parsnip!” *runs off*

Dante: *gives alucard a look*

Alucard: “He saw this Muppet special… I don’t know.”

(then there’s the sound of the front door opening followed by dracula’s very loud scream)

Dracula’s voice: “Alucard! There’s a *monster* at the door! There’s no bunnies! No bunnies at all!”

(alucard and dante look at each other and then start to head for the front door.)

Alucard: *sigh* “*You’re* a monster, dad. You—OH MY GOODNESS!”

Dante: “Holy #$%^!”

(they both stop dead. for at the door is something that is terrifying to everyone. what is it exactly? well, have you ever seen part of that movie nosferatu? well, that’s what this thing looks like. the vampire from nosferatu. if you don’t know what I’m talking about, go look it up online. because I cannot explain to you just how creepy this thing looks. and it has a creepy, low voice to match)

??????: “Hello, cousin.”

Dracula: *screams* “Alucard! It talks!”

Alucard: “Uh…hello, Cousin Festus. We…weren’t expecting you.”

Festus: “I’ve come in honor of a great event. Sorry if I surprised you.”

Alucard: “Surprised? Oh, well, that’s…to put it lightly. Why don’t you take your things upstairs to the guest room? I’ll be right up to see if you need anything.”

(cousin festus slithers away upstairs. as soon as he is gone dracula lets out a huge breath)

Dracula: “Hot cross buns, Alucard! What is that thing you just let into the house?!”

Alucard: “That’s Cousin Festus, dad. Remember? Your first cousin?.”

Dracula: “I’m related to that?! Really?! That scared the $%^& out of me, Alucard!”

Dante: “Wow…I’ve never heard your dad curse.” *pause* “Though I can’t blame him. That thing was #$%^!@& scary.”

Dracula: *looks down at himself* “I think I wet myself, Alucard.”

Alucard: *hand to his head* “Go clean yourself up, dad.”

Dracula: “If the bunnies show up tell them the trees stole the pickled parsnips!” *he leaves*

Dante: “So are you really related to that…that…that…”

Alucard: “Thing?”

Dante: “Even that word seems too nice.”

Alucard: “You think he looks scary? He eats babies. And only babies. And I think I know why he’s here.”

Dante: “You have babies in the basement?”

Alucard: *blink blink*

Dante: “What? You’ve gotta lot of stuff in that basement.”

Alucard: “No… It’s because there’s a new Belmont baby due to be born in a few days.”

Dante: “Oh right!” *pause* “Oh, #$%^! He’s gonna eat the Belmont baby? And you let him in the house?!”

Alucard: “You know vampires can kill each other too, right?”

Dante: “Nice. You’ve got a lot of weird relatives I don’t know about, I guess.”

Alucard: “You have no idea…”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(meanwhile, a short while later, tifa’s baby shower is over and she and richter are taking everything back into the belmont estate…)

Simon: “What is all this mess?”

Tifa: “It’s stuff for the baby!”

Trevor: “In my day all a baby needed was a diaper and a whip! And we got by just fine!”

Richter: “Well it isn’t the Middle Ages anymore, Grandpa one!”

Juste: “Most of the family should be arriving tomorrow, Richter! You must be excited! Your son is almost here!”

Richter: “I am quite elated. Speaking of sons, where is Franswa?”

Franswa’s voice: “I’m in the kitchen!”

Richter: “Come help me carry in your new brother’s things!”

Franswa’s voice: “Just a sec – geez, Hugh! No! Omg! Look at all that smoke!”

Hugh’s voice: “I thought you said set it on high!”

Franswa’s voice: “No! I said not on high!” *sigh* “Can you go help my dad for me?”

Hugh’s voice: “…Okay”

(hugh rushes out of the kitchen)

Hugh: “I’d be happy to help you, Uncle Richter.”

Richter: “I guess you can handle it. Grab that stuff over there.”

Tifa: “Is Franswa still teaching you to cook, Hugh?”

Hugh: *frowns* “Yeah. But I stink at it. Just like I stink at everything!”

Simon: “Damn right!”

(richter and hugh grab the stuff and head up the stairs. Trevor, simon and juste follow, nagging. Tifa smiles, shakes her head, and goes into the kitchen. Franswa is making stir fry)

Franswa: “Sorry. I told Hugh that he couldn’t handle this right now, but he wouldn’t listen. I don’t know why they won’t let him train to be a vampire hunter! He’s actually good at that!”

Tifa: “I think there are some things about your family that neither of us will ever understand, Franswa.”

Franswa: “Yeah. Like why we live so long.” *shakes head* “Makes me wonder who Grandpa Trevor’s father was…”

Tifa: *blink blink* “He doesn’t know his father?”

Franswa “Nope. It’s a total blank in the book. Kind of suspicious, I think.”

Tifa: “Yeah…” *pause* “Oh, anyway, I just wanted to thank you for the cake. It was delicious.”

Franswa: “Oh, no problem. It was the least I could do.”

Tifa: “You know, Franswa, I know this whole thing hasn’t been easy for you. Finding out about your dad, and having a new brother on the way. …Especially since I’m not much older than you are. But I really think you’ve handled everything wonderfully.”

Franswa: *blushes* “Thanks.”

(then suddenly zell bursts in, a wrapped gift in hand)

Zell: “Crap! I missed the whole thing! I missed the baby shower!”

Tifa: “Zell! You didn’t have to come to the baby shower! Usually only women come to that!”

Zell: “Yeah, but, this is for Franswa’s new brother! And any relative of Franswa is…uh…a…um…uh…I don’t know how to finish that.” *holds out gift* “Here you go, Tifa!”

Tifa: *takes it* “Thanks, Zell. You didn’t have to.”

Richter’s voice: “Tifa! Can you come up here a minute? Dammit, Hugh! Can’t you do anything right?”

Hugh’s voice: “Sorry, Uncle Richter!”

Tifa: *calls* “I’ll be right there!” *smiles* “I’ll leave you two alone.”

(she leaves. Zell and franswa exchange awkward looks)

Zell: “So…what’s up?”

Franswa: “Not much. Just making dinner.”

Zell: “Looks good. Stir fry?”

Franswa: “Yeah. You’re more than welcome to stay if you want.”

Zell: “Sure! Er…I mean, if you want me to.”

Franswa: “…I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t want you to.”

Both: “…………………………….”

Zell: “So, your brother’ll be here soon.”

Franswa: “Yeah. Some of my relatives are coming tomorrow. There’s going to be a lot of people in this house.”

Zell: “Oh. I guess you’ll be busy and stuff.”

Franswa: “Well, yeah. …But I hope that doesn’t keep you away.”

Zell: “Huh?”

Franswa: “Well…they’re family, but, it’s not like I know them really.” *pause* “It’ll be good to have another familiar face around.”

Zell: “You got it, buddy! You know you can always count on Zell for anything!”

Richter’s voice: “Dammit, Hugh! I said over there!”

Hugh’s voice: “But you were pointing over here!”

Simon’s voice: “Don’t blame your Ustupidity your stupidity, Hugh!”

Zell: “Uh, you need help setting that table?”

Franswa: “*Please*.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(meanwhile, back at alucard’s, he and dante are in the kitchen relaxing and sipping drinks when there’s a very strange scream from somewhere in the house)

Alucard: “Death’s home.”

Dante: “And he ran into Cousin scare-the-sh*t-out-of-you.”

(death then enters the room)

Death: “Good Lord! Did you see him? He took my breath away! Mine! I don’t even have breath! I think I would have peed myself if I could.”

Alucard: “Dad already did. Five times.”

(dracula’s scream is then heard in the house)

Alucard: “…Make that six.”

Death: “I hope he’s leaving soon.”

Alucard: “After he tries to eat the Belmont child.”

Death: “Oh dear.” *leaves*

Alucard: *looking down at his glass* “I’m glad there’s booze in this.”

Dante: “You know, you seem pretty laid back about the idea of him eating the Belmont child. I mean, I know the Belmont’s are no big fans of yours, but you don’t seem to mind them. You seem to be even kind of friends with the little sissy one, uh, what’s his name…”

Alucard: “Franswa.”

Dante: “Right. Fran, whatever. So what gives, babe?”

Alucard: *shrugs* “Not gonna happen.”

Dante: “You don’t think he’s gonna do it?”

Alucard: “He’ll try.”

Dante: *pause* “What is it with those Belmont’s anyway? They’re humans, right? But the oldest one looks like he’s two hundred years old.”

Alucard: “524.”

Dante: *coughs violently* “Whoa – back it up there! *How* old is he?”

Alucard: “…524.”

Dante: “Geez! I don’t know what shocks me more, the sight of your undead hideous cousin or the fact that that human is almost as old as you! Are you sure they’re human, Al?”

Alucard: “……………….”

Dante: “Al? You alive in there?”

Alucard: *softly* “…If he knew the truth I don’t know how he’d take it.”

Dante: “What’s that?”

Alucard: “You ever been with a woman, Dante?”

Dante: “Yeah, but if we had a three-way that really wouldn’t be my first choice.”

Alucard: *bursts out crying*

Dante: “Uh oh. Are you drunk again?”

Alucard: “I wanna be part of my family! But they hate me! They all hate me!”

Dante: “Uh…Al? Your dad doesn’t hate you. And I don’t know cousin creepy face too well, but I don’t think he hates you either.”

Alucard: “Not that family! *My* family! The family I started!”

Dante: “What the hell are you talking about??”

Alucard: *takes dante by the shoulders* “I only told this to one other person ever, Dante.”

Dante: “Were you drunk then too?”

Alucard: “Oh yeah.”

Dante: “I figured. Go on.”

Alucard: “I trust you. Don’t tell anyone. Not even my dad knows.”

Dante: “That’s okay. My dad doesn’t know about all the crazy sh*t I’ve done either.”

Alucard: “Trevor Belmont is my son.”

Dante: *blink blink*

Alucard: “………………”

Dante: *blink blink* “You’re @#$%^&* with me.”

Alucard: *shakes head seriously*

Dante: “So you’re telling me…the family of crazy vampire hunters…are part vampire.”

Alucard: *nods*

Dante: “Because you screwed some Belmont chick.”

Alucard: *nods*

Dante: “And she fought vampires?”

Alucard: *nods*

Dante: “And she still did you? What was she, like some black sheep or something? Those girls can be freaky.”

Alucard: “Back in those days I did everything to try and defeat my father.”

(Dracula enters, his pants wet in a certain area)

Dracula: “Alucard! I need you to change my diaper!”

Alucard: “…And in some ways I never stopped trying. Dad, you’re not wearing a diaper.”

Dracula: “It feels like I am!”

(cousin festus then comes into the room. Everyone screams)

Dante: *grabs chest* “God, *every* time!”

Dracula: “There’s a puddle at my feet, Alucard!”

Festus: “Anyone have binoculars they don’t mind if I borrow?”

Alucard: *not looking at him* “There are some in the basement.”

Festus: “Thank you.” *leaves*

Alucard: “I can’t even look at him or I’m scared I’ll end up like dad.”

Dracula: “Smells like the bathroom, Alucard!”

Alucard: “Dad, go into the bathroom and clean yourself up.”

Dracula: *walking out* “Why is the smell coming with me?” *he leaves*

Alucard: *sighs*

Dante: “So. You fathered the head of the Belmont’s.”

Alucard: “Yup.”

Dante: “And they have no clue?”

Alucard: “Nope.”

Dante: “I gotta admit, I didn’t see that one coming.”

(dracula’s scream is heard)

Dracula’s voice: “Alucard! Clean up in aisle 3!” *chuckles* “I always wanted to say that!” *pause* “…What’s that smell?”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(much later that night, alucard and dante are sleeping in bed. alucard wakes up and hears a strange scratching noise in the hallway. looking confused he gets out of bed and opens the door to the room. and suddenly he sees the terrifying shadow of cousin festus sliding along the wall. alucard’s eyes go totally wide and he slams the door, leaps back into bed and hides under the blanket, shaking. dante wakes up groggily)

Dante: “Al…what the hell…?!”

Alucard: *pokes head out* “You think his face is scary? Go look outside the room right now.”

(dante gets up, opens the door, jumps back, slams the door and dives under the covers with alucard)

Dante: “Why did you let that freak in the house??”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

(the next morning, franswa gets out of bed and comes downstairs in his pajama bottoms, rubbing his eyes and yawning. he goes in the kitchen and starts taking out some pots and pans. then the doorbell rings. the house is still. franswa taps his foot in annoyance. the doorbell rings again.)

Franswa: *annoyed sigh* “I’ll get it!”

(he goes over to the door and opens it. he’s shocked to see a bunch of people standing there, none of whom he knows, except his uncle horatio.)

Franswa: “Uh…”

Horatio: “Good morning, Franswa! I see you weren’t expecting us!”

Franswa: “Uh…no, but come in.”

(7 people enter besides horatio – another man about horatio’s age, a man and a woman also around that age, a young man about franswa’s age, and three very old looking men. the woman grabs franswa and hugs him.)

Woman: “Oh, Franswa! It’s so good to see you! I haven’t seen you since you were a baby!”

Franswa: “Uh…”

Woman: “How’s Hugh doing?”

Franswa: “Oh! You must be my Aunt Julia.”

Julia: “Oh my gosh, I’m sorry. Yes, I’m your dad’s little sister. And this is your Uncle Morris and cousin Nathan.”

Morris: “Hello, Franswa. We’ve heard much about you.”

Franswa: “Heh heh…” *mumbles* “It’s probably lies…”

Horatio: “Franswa, I want you to meet my partner, Franklin.”

Franklin: “Hello, Franswa. It’s nice to finally meet.”

Franswa: “Oh! It’s nice to meet you!”

Old man: “Where’s my grandson? Where’s Richter?”

Franswa: “Uh…”

Older man: “Now, now. I’m sure he’ll be down soon.”

Oldest man: “I need to sit.”

Franswa: “Uh, sure! Uncle Horatio, can you take everyone into the kitchen? I’ll go get my dad.”

Horatio: “Certainly.”

(horatio ushers everyone into the kitchen and franswa runs upstairs where he runs into hugh.)

Hugh: “Are my parents here?”

Franswa: “Yeah. They’re downstairs in the kitchen.”

Hugh: “And I guess…Nate’s there too.”

Franswa: “Yeah. Your mom asked how you were.”

Hugh: “She did?!”

Franswa: “Yeah.”

Hugh: “Did my dad?”

Franswa: “…Uh, yeah. Go say hi.”

(looking elated, hugh goes running down the steps.)

Hugh’s voice: “Hi, dad!”

Morris’ voice: “Oh. It’s you.”

Franswa: *sweat drops*

(then richter comes out of his room, still buttoning up his shirt)

Franswa: “There you are, dad! They’re here already! Everybody’s downstairs!”

Richter: “Who’s here?”

Franswa: *sigh* “Uncle Horatio, Franklin, Aunt Julia, Uncle Morris, Nathan and three old men I don’t know.”

Richter: *lights up* “Grandpa!”

Franswa: “Who are they, dad?”

Richter: “My grandfather, Stanford Belmont! …And also Christopher and………Solieyu.”

Franswa: *blink blink* “*That* was Christopher and Solieyu Belmont?”

Richter: “I know.” *sigh* “We can’t all be great.”

Franswa: “I thought Christopher Belmont fought Dracula. Twice.”

Richter: “He did.”

Franswa: “Then I don’t get it.”

Richter: “Franswa, there’s more to being a Belmont than always fighting Dracula.”

Franswa: “That’s not what you always said.”

Richter: “Well fighting Dracula is always the most important thing! If you don’t even have that then you have nothing.”

Franswa: “Oh. Well did your grandpa fight Dracula?”

Richter: “He most certainly would have, had Dracula dared to show himself during that time!”

Franswa: “Oh.”

Richter: “But he’s still a great Belmont!”

Franswa: “I still don’t get it.”

Hugh’s voice: “Hey, dad! Quiz me on vampires! Ask me anything!”

Morris’ voice: “Hugh…go outside and let your brother throw you around for awhile. He needs the practice.”

Hugh’s voice: “Franswa said you asked how I was!”

Franswa: “Uh, dad…I think you should get downstairs.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(meanwhile, across the street. alucard is sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee when dante sneaks in, obviously looking around for you-know-who.)

Alucard: “Don’t worry, he’s upstairs peering across the street at the Belmont house.”

Dante: “How do you know that?”

Alucard: “Dad stumbled upon him this morning. And he left a trail all the way down the steps.”

Dante: “Ew.”

Alucard: “I know.”

Dante: “Where is your dad now?”

Alucard: “Hopefully staying as far away from cousin Festus as possible. Otherwise I’m going to have to go out and buy some of those adult diapers.”

Dante: “Just *why* are you letting him stay here again?”

(then dracula wanders in)

Dracula: “Alucard, I require a broom!”

Alucard: “No. You broke enough of them last time you wanted to attempt high jumping.”

Dracula: “I don’t even know what that is, Alucard! I want the broom so I can whack at the scary gremlin hiding upstairs!”

Alucard: “That’s not a gremlin. That’s your cousin.”

Dracula: “What’s a cousin?”

Alucard: “It’s someone you’re related to.”

Dracula: “Are you related to me, Alucard?”

Alucard: “Yes…much to my dismay.”

Dracula: “But you’re good looking!”

Alucard: “Okay…”

Dracula: “That thing upstairs is not good looking! So how could I be related to it?”

Alucard: “Obviously someone contaminated the gene pool somewhere.”

Dante: “There’s probably some of that in every family.” *looks at alucard*

Dracula: So I can’t hit it with a broom?”

Alucard: “I wouldn’t advise it.”

Dracula: “How about a rake?”

Alucard: “No, dad.”

Dracula: “How about a kitten?”

Alucard: “*No*, dad.”

Dracula: “We don’t have a kitten, do we, Alucard.” *pause* “It must have ran off with those trees! Those damn trees! You’ll pay for this!” *runs out of the room*

Alucard: “…I like it when he manages to distract himself.”

Dante: “You know, I’ve got a wicked idea where we can actually use your scary as hell relative to get some cheap laughs.”

Alucard: “Does it involve Sephiroth?”

Dante: “Yup.”

Alucard: “…All right, I’m listening.”

Dante: “…You put booze in your coffee, didn’t you.”

Alucard: “Can you blame me?”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(and so a short while later there’s a knock at the door. dante and alucard both start giggling like little kids but then quickly force themselves to stop. dante opens the door. it’s sephiroth.)

Sephiroth: “Oh, Alucard, didn’t you know the trash got picked up this morning?”

Dante: “You’re so funny! You’ve gotta tell me where you get your material!”

Alucard: “Come in.”

(sephiroth does, but he looks a little skeptical. dante closes the door)

Sephiroth: “So…why did you invite me over?”

Dante: “We figured we’d save you the trouble of coming over here with that stupid measuring cup, begging for sugar again.”

Sephiroth: “I really did need that sugar for the Villain’s Annual Bake Sale!”

Dante: “Sure you did. I wouldn’t eat anything you baked anyway. There’d probably be hair in it.”

Sephiroth: “You wish your hair was half as nice as mine!”

Dante: “No I don’t.”

Sephiroth: “Grrrr…”

(then there’s dracula screaming from upstairs)

Sephiroth: *blink blink* “What the hell was that?”

Alucard: “Oh, it’s just dad. You know how he gets.”

(then dracula comes running down the stairs, and it’s obvious to everyone that he has peed himself once again)

Dracula: “Alucard, I saw it! I saw it again!”

Sephiroth: “Ew! Did he pee himself?”

Dracula: “I feel like I went swimming!”

Alucard: “Uh, dad, why don’t you go away?”

Dracula: “But he’s following me, Alucard! He’s onto me! He knows who I am and who I work for!”

(alucard and dante look at each other, then divert their eyes from the stairs.)

Sephiroth: “What the hell is he talking about?”

(and then here comes cousin festus down the stairs. sephiroth sees him and his eyes slowly go wide. he starts to back up, his eyes going wider and wider until he hits the door. at that point he screams bloody murder, and starts fumbling for the door handle. he finally gets the door open)

Sephiroth: “I hate you both!”

(and with that he runs out. alucard and dante are looking at the floor and smiling. dracula notices festus again and yelps)

Dracula: “My pants are squishy!”

Alucard: “Uh…I’ve gotta go feed the dragon.”

Dante: “Me too.”

(they both hurry away, not looking at him)

Festus: “…Was it something I did?”

Dracula: “Please don’t eat me, Spartacus!” *runs off waving arms wildly*

Festus: *shrugs and goes back upstairs*

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(meanwhile, back at the belmont house everyone has been gathered. trevor, christopher, solieyu, simon, stanford, juste and richter belmont are all sitting in the living room posing for a picture horatio is taking)

Simon: “At least you’re good for something, Horatio!”

Solieyu: “Let him be, Simon.”

Horatio: “Thank you, Grandpa Solieyu. Now everyone smile.”

Trevor: *mumbles* “Solieyu. What kind of name is that?”

Christopher: “I heard that, father.”

Juste: “Now, now! Let’s let Horatio take the picture!”

Stanford: “I never quite understood where that came name from…”

Juste: “Horatio?”

Stanford: “No. Solieyu.”

Solieyu: “Could we not bring this up again please?”

Horatio: “Will you let me take the picture?”

Christopher: “My wife picked the name, god rest her soul, and I think it’s a lovely one.”

Richter: “I let my wife pick the name too, and look what she picked! And he’s not even my real son!”

Franswa: “Dad!”

Horatio: “I’m taking the picture, so stop bickering and smile! Cheese!”

Belmont Elders: “Cheese!”

(and horatio finally gets to take the picture)

Richter: “Soon there will be another first born Belmont to add to our group!”

Christopher: “Did you let your girl pick the name?”

Simon: “Hell no he didn’t! We picked it!”

Julia: “After the baby’s born we’ll have to take a picture of all the cousins!”

Tifa: “That’ll be nice.”

Trevor: “All three of them!”

Nathan: *blink blink*

Morris: “There are four.”

Trevor: “I’m sorry, what?”

Morris: “There are four cousins!” *gestures proudly to nathan*

Simon: “Who’s that?”

Julia: “That’s our son Nathan!”

Simon: “You had another baby?”

Julia: “No… We adopted him.”

Trevor: “He doesn’t have the blood in him!”

Simon: “He doesn’t count!”

Nathan: *frowns*

Hugh: *smiles* “I’ve got Belmont blood in me!”

Simon: “You’re hangin’ by a thread, wannabe!”

Trevor: “At least Julia had a son! At least she’s not gay like the other one!”

Horatio: *frowns* “Thanks a lot.”

Juste: “All right, all right! This is supposed to be a joyous occasion! No bickering!”

Horatio: “I baked some brownies! Why don’t you go have some?”

Trevor: “You are good for something, Horatio!”

(he heads into the kitchen and simon, richter, tifa, julia, morris, nathan, hugh, christopher, solieyu and juste follow)

Franklin: “Goodness. They are brutal.”

Franswa: “Tell me about it. And that was mostly nice!”

Horatio: “They have too many people to pick on at once. I don’t think they’re quite up to handling it in their old age.”

Franswa: “I’m glad it was only you guys who showed up. The way the old guys were talking I thought the whole family was going to show up! I counted all the people still alive in that book – there’s like 40 people in my generation alone!”

Horatio: “Bet they had you convinced you were going to have to cook for all them, didn’t they.”

Franswa: “I was about to have a heart attack!”

(there’s a knock at the door. franswa answers it and it’s zell)

Zell: “Hey, buddy! Hope it’s an okay time to stop by!”

Franswa: “It’s a great time! Come in!”

(zell comes in and franswa shuts the door)

Zell: “Oh, hey! I see your family’s here already!”

Franswa: “Zell, meet my Uncle Horatio and his partner, Franklin.”

Horatio: “Nice to see you again, Zell.”

Zell: “Geez, I never knew that was you! Good too meet you, again, I guess. And good to meet you too!” *shakes hands with both of them*

Franswa: *blink blink* “What are you talking about?”

Zell: “Uh, nothing. I came by one day and met your uncle—dad—er…uncle once while you weren’t home. But I didn’t get his name.”

Franswa: “Oh.”

Zell: “Where’s everybody else?”

Simon’s voice: “Hey…who took the last brownie?”

Trevor’s voice: “Was it you, Hugh?”

Hugh’s voice: “No! It was Nathan!”

Nathan’s voice: “I asked if anyone else wanted it!”

Trevor’s voice: “I’m sorry, is someone talking right now?”

Zell: “…Never mind.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(meanwhile, back over at alucards…)

Alucard: “Dad’s out of pants, so I had to do a wash.”

Dante: “Can’t we go over to my place?”

Alucard: “I’d love to, but for once I really truly feel like I can’t abandon dad on this one. For once it isn’t his fault.”

Dante: “I hear you.”

Alucard: “You can go, though, if you want.”

Dante: “Nah. I can’t dump you when there’s something uglier than a whale’s ass running around your house. And I don’t think a whale even has an ass, but that guy is just so ugly that whatever I say I’m covered, because he’s even uglier than stuff I can make up.”

(dracula comes in the room out of breath and wearing his boxers)

Dracula: “Alucard! There you are! The kitchen smells like children!”

Alucard: *getting up* “Omg, he didn’t *bring* any people into the house did he?”

Dracula: “I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure he stole all my pants!”

(then cousin festus comes into the room, holding a bucket marked KFB. alucard and dante both cover their mouths to muffle their screams of horror. dracula doesn’t turn around.)

Dracula: “Why do you look so frightened, Alucard? Am I morphing into a donkey again?”

Alucard: *acting very fakely* “Uh, hey, Dante. Can you please sit here for a minute while I escort dad to his coffin? I think he needs a nap!”

Dante: *doing the same* “I’ll be dying every second without you, Alucard. But do what you must.”

(alucard moves at the speed of lightning, grabs dracula and starts to move him out of the room so that he can’t see cousin festus.)

Dracula: “I hope we’re going to the land of make believe!”

(they leave. dante is stuck there with cousin festus, who takes something out of the bucket and chews on it nosily)

Dante: “So…KFB, huh? Never heard of that place.”

Festus: “Kentucky Fried Baby… It needs to be special ordered.”

Dante: *grimace* “And it’s worth every penny I guess.”

Festus: “I’m not sharing with you.”

Dante: “I understand.”

Festus: “You’re not a vampire.”

Dante: “Nope.”

Festus: “But you’re not entirely human either.”

Dante: “Nope.”

Festus: “I can smell human a mile away.”

Dante: “That’s a…comforting thought.”

Festus: “What are you?”

Dante: “Half demon.”

Festus: “What kind?”

Dante: “Devil, I guess. If that helps.”

Festus: “I can smell that too… now that you mention it.”

Dante: “Wow, Alucard is one slow son of a bitch, isn’t he!”

Festus: “There’s going to be a great meal born tonight. A great meal.”

Dante: “That’s a…creative way of putting it.”

Festus: *breathes in deeply and loudly* “I can smell it from here.”

Dante: *getting up* “Maybe Alucard got lost. I should go check on him.”

Festus: *eyes closed* “Sweet, sweet flesh.”

Dante: “Dracula gets lost all the time. And like father like son, right?”

(he makes a break for the door and ends up banging right into alucard.)

Dante: “Sh*t!”

Alucard: “Sorry!”

Dante: *grabs him by the shoulders and whispers* “What took you so long? Your creepy relative is breathing in the smell of the unborn baby across the street!”

Alucard: “*softly* “Are you serious?”

Dante: *softly* “Babe, do you think I’d make something like that up?”

Festus: *still breathing deeply* “Mmm… Delicious…”

Alucard: *looks horrified*

Dante: *softly* “*Why* did you let him in here again?!”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(meanwhile, all the belmonts have gathered in the living room, trevor is talking. franswa, horatio, franklin and tifa look half asleep. julia is knitting. and everyone else is hanging on his every word.)

Trevor: “And *that* is the story of how I defeated Dracula.”

Nathan: “Fascinating story, Grandpa Trevor!”

Trevor: “…We’re not related.”

Hugh: “I can’t believe you got stabbed through the chest and lived!”

Trevor: “That was like a paper cut in those days!”

Zell: “I don’t get it. You said your future wife helped you in the castle, and then you said there was some other guy. But then you didn’t mention that guy for awhile. And then you mentioned him again, but then he disappeared again. What gives with that?”

Trevor: *shifty eyes* “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Zell: “Who was that other guy who helped you?”

Trevor: “I didn’t need any help! I’m Trevor Belmont!”

Christopher: “Yes, father. Who was that other guy?”

Trevor: “Stop making up lies, Christopher! Who wants to tell their story next?”

Hugh: “I’ve always wanted to hear grandpa Christopher’s stories!”

Simon: “That’s because you’re a failure!”

Solieyu: “Leave the boy alone! It is a good tale!”

Trevor: “That should be tale*s* in the plural sense, because he also had to save your useless behind!”

Christopher: “Father, please! I don’t want to tell my stories anyway.”

Nathan: “How about you tell your story then, Grandpa Simon?”

Simon: “Don’t try and suck up to me, no blood!” *pause* “But I think I will tell my tale.”

Franswa: *groans*

Simon: “Pipe down, Franswa! You might have a tale of your own to tell if you weren’t such a sissy!” *clears throat* “My story begins—“

Tifa: “Ow.” *touches her stomach*

Julia: “Are you okay?”

Richter: “Is something wrong, Tifa?”

Tifa: “I’m okay. I just had this shooting pain—“ *grimaces* “Ow. There it is again.”

Julia: “She’s having contractions!”

Tifa: “I’m having contractions?!” *pause* “Omg, I’m going into labor?!”

Richter: “I’m going to be a father! …Again! …Kind of.”

Julia: “Okay, people! We need to move, move, move! I was only in labor with Hugh for seven minutes!”

Hugh: *to nathan* “Mom actually *had* me.”

Nathan: “Shut up.”

Julia: “Grandpa Stanford, call the doctor!”

Stanford: “At once!” *hobbles off*

Tifa: “He’ll never get here in time! Who’s going to deliver the baby! Ow!”

Julia: “Don’t you worry about that. Richter, get her upstairs and make sure she’s comfortable!”

Richter: “Of course! Come along, darling!” *he and tifa leave*

Julia: “Morris, we’ll need towels.”

Morris: “You can count on me!” *runs off*

Horatio: “Wow, Jules. You really know what you’re doing!”

Julia: “Who’s going to deliver the baby?!”

Horatio: “What?”

Julia: “I’m not used to having a doctor not right down the street!”

Trevor: “That’s what you get for not living in the middle ages anymore!”

Julia: “Who’s going to deliver the baby?”

Zell: “I know a guy who delivered a baby once! He lives across the street!”

Franswa: “You told me he hated every minute of it.”

Zell: “Well…he still did it.”

Simon: “We can’t be having any old person deliver a Belmont baby!”

Juste: “I’m sure one of us can handle it!”

Solieyu: “Which of you will volunteer then?”

Belmont Elders: “………………”

Christopher: “Don’t all speak at once.”

Trevor: “You do it, Christopher! Make up for your son!”

Christopher: “There’s nothing wrong with my son! And I have horrible arthritis in my hands!”

Trevor: “Then you do it, Solieyu! Make up for yourself!”

Solieyu: “Absolutely not!”

Trevor: “Well I can’t do it! I can barely see!”

Simon: “My knees hurt!”

Juste: “I just had a manicure!”

Belmonts: *blink blink*

Juste: “…It makes my hands smooth.”

Tifa’s voice: *cries out in pain*

Julia: “Someone has to do something!”

Stanford: *hobbles in* “The doctor said he’ll be here in fifteen minutes!”

Julia: “That’s way too long!”

Tifa’s voice: *more cries of pain*

Morris: *runs in with arms full of towels* “Why is everyone still down here?”

(everyone just stands there a moment more before running upstairs into the room where tifa is in bed, breathing deeply looking like she’s in a lot of pain)

Julia: “She’s ready to push!”

Franswa: *looks green* “Oh my god, I looked right at it!”

Zell: *covers his eyes* “Maybe I should wait outside…”

Franklin: “Me too.”

Richter: “Where’s the doctor?!”

Juste: “He won’t be here in time!”

Tifa: “I knew it! Owwwww!”

Richter: “Franswa! I need you to deliver the baby!”

Franswa: “What?!?!”

Richter: *chuckles* “Just kidding, Franswa. I would never trust you with the baby.”

Trevor: “You do it, Richter.”

Richter: “What?!”

Simon: “You put it up there! Now get it back down!”

Stanford: “You can do it! You’re a Belmont!”

Richter: “Uh…I think Horatio should do it. As payback.”

Horatio: “I don’t think so, brother.”

Trevor: “Do it, Richter!”

Simon: “Be a man!”

Richter: *draws a deep breath* “Very well.”

(everyone gets in place. julia holds tifa’s hand.)

Julia: “Okay, push!”

Tifa: “Aaaaaaarrrrrrgh!!”

Richter: “Here he comes!”

(and in one long push duke thelonis belmont comes right into his father’s arms and cries.)

Trevor: “Look at him! Duke Thelonis Belmont is born!”

Simon: “He’s perfect!”

Juste: “Magnificent!”

Stanford: “A true Belmont!”

Christopher: “Congratulations.”

Solieyu: “What a lovely moment.”

(richter wraps the baby in a towel and quickly hands him to tifa)

Tifa: *crying* “I’m a mother. I don’t believe it.”

Julia: “He’s darling.”

(the door bell rings)

Morris: “That must be the doctor!”

Franklin: “I’ll get it.” *leaves*

Horatio: “Congratulations, Richter.”

Richter: “Thank you.” *they shake hands*

Hugh: “That only took like 4 minutes.”

Nathan: “Guess he was more desperate to fight vampires than you.”

Hugh: *punches him in the arm*

Nathan: “Ow! Dad! Hugh punched me!”

Morris: “Hugh! Stop acting like the disappointment you are!”

Zell: “Wow, Franswa! You’re a big brother!”

Franswa: *sniff* “Yeah…”

(then doctor zack enters the room)

Dr. Zack: “Whoa! Talk about a family affair! Everybody seem okay?”

Tifa: “I think we’re just fine.”

Dr. Zack: “Great, but I’ll be the final judge of that. Can I have everyone but the immediate family leave the room for a few minutes please?”

(everyone goes to leave. franswa goes to leave but richter grabs his sleeve)

Franswa: “What?”

Richter: “He said immediate family can stay. Don’t you want to meet your baby brother?”

Franswa: *small smile* “I don’t wanna be in the way.”

Richter: “Why would you be in the way?”

Franswa: “You said you didn’t trust me with the baby.”

Richter: “I was joking. There aren’t many people I’d trust more.”

(father and son go into the room together to join the rest of the family, and the doctor shuts the door.)

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(meanwhile, downstairs)

Juste: “Who wants to go outside and put out all that ‘It’s a boy’ stuff Richter bought on the lawn?” *points to a huge pile of stuff*

Zell: “Uh, I’ll do it.”

Nathan: “I’ll help!”

Hugh: “Me too!”

Simon: “Well get to it! We need the whole neighborhood to know our Belmont heir is here!”

(and so zell, nathan and hugh grab the stuff and put it outside. then they start to put it on the lawn.)

Nathan: “This is a ton of stuff!”

Hugh: “Well, having Belmont blood is important. Not like you’d know.”

Nathan: “I know dad likes me better.”

Hugh: *shoves nathan*

Nathan: *shoves him back* “Stop it.”

Hugh: *shoves him again* “You stop it!”

(nathan goes to shove hugh again but hugh takes off towards the back of the house)

Hugh: “Catch me then! If you’re so great!”

(hugh runs around the back of the house. nathan grits his teeth and follows.)

Nathan: “Just because you’re a Belmont doesn’t make you better than me!”

(and so they both leave, sticking zell with all the stuff. but he doesn’t seem to mind. he just shrugs and keeps sticking it in the lawn. he doesn’t notice the door across the street open. alucard sneaks out of the house and across the street)

Alucard: “Good evening.”

Zell: *jumps a mile* “Holy crap! You scared me!”

Alucard: “Sorry. I had to be quiet because I don’t want them to see me talking to you.”

Zell: “I get it.”

Alucard: “So I see Tifa had the baby.”

Zell: “Yup! A boy! His name is Duke! I only saw him for a second, but he’s got a lot of brown hair like his mom and dad. The doctor’s looking at him right now.” *pause* “Oh, crap! You must not be happy about this! Another Belmont to come and try and kill you guys and stuff!”

Alucard: *small smile* “No… It’s not like that at all.” *reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small gift* “I actually got something for the baby. Do you think you could give it to them? Just…don’t tell them it’s from me. Obviously, they wouldn’t take it.”

Zell: *takes it* “Uh, sure.”

Alucard: “Thank you.”

(and with that alucard goes back across the street and into his house. just then franswa comes outside)

Franswa: “Hey, Zell! I thought Hugh and Nathan were out here with you.”

Zell: “They ran off.” *pause* “I don’t think they get along.”

Franswa: “Yeah.”

Zell: “So what did the doctor say?”

Franswa: “He said both the baby and Tifa are fine. In fact he said he had never seen a stronger baby! Of course, my dad is thrilled.”

(nathan comes around the front of the house, brushing off his hands. he goes over and silently starts to help set up the stuff again. franswa and zell look, expecting to see hugh following. but there’s nothing)

Franswa: “Uh…where’s Hugh?”

Nathan: “He got what was coming to him.”

(then hugh comes over, covered in mud from head to foot. and he looks pissed)

Hugh: “Nathan Baldwin! I am going to kill you where you stand!”

Nathan: *doesn’t even turn around* “No you’re not.”

(hugh rushes over and tackles nathan to the ground. nathan quickly pins hugh, then gets up and runs away into the backyard. hugh follows. zell and franswa watch all this and then look at each other)

Both: “Brothers.”

(and they both laugh.)

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(meanwhile, back across the street, alucard reaches for the doorknob when lloyd comes running out screaming like a girl)

Lloyd: “I HATE YOU, DANTE!”

(alucard watches him run down the street as dante comes into the doorway chuckling)

Dante: “I invited him over and he ‘accidentally’ ran into your cousin. I couldn’t resist.”

Alucard: “I see.”

Dante: “Well? Are you a great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather yet?”

Alucard: “Yes.”

Dante: “Well whoo hoo! This calls for a celebration!” *brings out a bottle of champagne* “Lookie what I found!”

Alucard: “I wouldn’t drink that. It’s from the reign of Louis the XIV and was made by Dom Perigean himself.”

Dante: *puts the bottle down* “Why does your booze have to be antique?”

Alucard: *sighs and sits at the table*

Dante: “What’s up, baby?” *sits* “Guess it must be rough to have created a family that wants to kill you.”

(dracula wanders in with a lamp shade on his head)

Dante: “…Although I think your dad should feel that way sometimes too.”

Dracula: “Alucard! Someone put the lights out!”

Alucard: “I don’t know how he got that way, but leave him like that. Now he can’t see cousin Festus.”

Dracula: “Alucard, did you know light bulbs are crunchy? ‘Cause I didn’t! And they taste like glass! And glass doesn’t taste good!”

(then cousin festus slithers into the room without warning)

Dante: “@#$%!@#$^&*#$!” *falls off chair in shock*

Alucard: *screams but then coughs trying to cover it up*

Dracula: “I heard foot steps! Who’s there? Is that you, Rainbow Brite?”

Festus: “Darkness comes! Soon there will be a feast!” *cackles and leaves the room*

Dracula: “Alucard, I don’t think that was Rainbow Brite.”

Dante: *gets back on his chair* “Let’s just leave! We’ll go to my place – we’ll take your dad with us!”

Alucard: “I can’t bring my dad over there. Your roommate hates any form of monster. He’d probably try to kill you if he knew the truth!”

Dante: “Hey, I try to kill my own kind. I’d be cool by him.”

Alucard: “Well, I can’t really go about hiding what dad is.”

Dracula: “I’m a coconut!” *pause* “Wait… I don’t even know what that is…”

Dante: “Aren’t you going to try and stop cousin crazy from killing your you-know-who?”

Dracula: “Bathtub!”

Alucard: “Dad, this isn’t a game.”

Dracula: “Table cloth!”

Alucard: “Dad…go look for Rainbow Brite.”

Dracula: “I hope she takes me to her fortress of solitude!” *leaves*

Alucard: *sigh* “Anyway, I told you. I’m not worried about it.”

Dracula’s voice: “Alucard! I can see again!” *then he screams* “Alucard! Get me a broom!” *pause* “And a towel!”

Alucard: *puts a hand to his head*

Dante: “I still don’t understand why this freak is in your house.”

(back over at the belmont house, zell and franswa go inside, laughing and talking. Richter and morris are standing there waiting for them)

Richter: “Did you put out all the stuff?”

Franswa: “Yup.”

Richter: “Where are your cousins?”

Franswa: *shrugs*

(then nathan and hugh enter, looking angry and totally covered in mud)

Morris: “Boys! What is the meaning of this!? You were supposed to be helping!”

Hugh: “Nathan started it!”

Nathan: “I did not!”

Morris: “That’s it! Upstairs – both of you! I am very disappointed in both of you!”

Hugh: “See that, Nate? Even you.”

Nathan: “Shut up.” *shoves him*

(morris, hugh and nathan leave. Zell reaches into his pocket)

Zell: “Geez, I almost forgot. Here you go, Mr. Belmont. It’s a gift for the baby.”

Richter: *takes it* “Who’s it from?”

Zell: “Uh…I dunno. It was just sitting outside.”

(richter opens it. It’s a simple wooden box made out of wooden dowels. He opens the box and takes out a stopwatch. He gasps)

Richter: “Someone left this on the front step?”

Franswa: “What is that?”

Richter: “This is a very old Belmont weapon that freezes time. I haven’t seen this in years…”

Franswa: “Who could have left that? Everybody’s in the house!”

Richter: “I don’t know… I don’t know…”

(much, much later that night…the neighborhood is quiet. cousin festus sneaks out of the castle and across the street to the belmont’s house. he creeps around to the back, and climbs up to the second floor to peer in the window. there he sees tifa sleeping peacefully – and alone – in bed. there’s also a bassinet with the baby in it. festus opens the window, and climbs inside, keeping very quiet. he crawls over to the baby, licking his lips…)

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(the next morning in the belmont house, it’s quite early when tifa’s piercing scream is heard throughout the house. within seconds everyone in the house is in the room. richter, of course, is first.)

Richter: “Tifa! What’s the matter?”

Tifa: *points wordlessly at the floor*

(everyone looks down at where cousin festus is lying on the floor, a stake right through his heart. they all scream.)

Franswa: “What the hell is that?!”

Hugh: “A vampire got in our house?!”

Stanford: “How is that possible?!”

Tifa: “Richter – the baby!”

Richter: *rushes to the bassinet and breathes a sigh of relief* “He’s fine.” *frowns* “Who slayed this vampire and left him here?”

Everyone: “…………………………”

Richter: “Come on! Who did it?”

Morris: “Nathan, was it you?”

Nathan: “No.”

Hugh: *snort*

Nathan: “It wasn’t *you*.”

Hugh: “No… But still…”

Franswa: “Well everyone knows it wasn’t me!”

Horatio: “Or me.”

Franklin: “Don’t even look in my direction.”

Trevor: “Solieyu?”

Solieyu: “No. It wasn’t me.”

Trevor: “It was worth asking.”

Juste: “Is no one going to own up to it?”

Simon: “I would! But I didn’t do it!”

Christopher: “I didn’t do it either.”

Julia: “Then who did it?!”

(richter looks at the dead vampire, shudders, then looks back at the baby. he frowns, then reaches into the bassinet and comes out with…a piece of wood from the stopwatch box.)

Everyone: “……………………………”

Tifa: “…No. No way.”

Richter: *smiles widely and picks up the baby* “That’s my boy!!”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(the next morning, back over at the castle…alucard is in the kitchen with his coffee again when dante sneaks in, obviously on the look out for you-know-who)

Alucard: “Don’t worry, he’s gone.”

Dante: “He left?”

Alucard: “You could say that.” *gestures to the window*

(dante draws back the heavy curtain and peeks out at the cloudy morning. there the elder belmonts have the dead body of cousin festus on the lawn, and they’re cutting his body into several pieces)

Dante: “Ew.”

Alucard: “They have to do that otherwise he’ll just come back to life if someone takes the stake out.”

Dante: “Whatever they gotta do.” *comes over to the table and sits* “I guess daddy Richter is pretty good at protecting his new son.”

Alucard: “True, but I’d say the new son is fairly good at protecting himself.”

Dante: *blink blink* “No way.”

Alucard: *nods*

Dante: “C’mon now! The kid was like six hours old!”

Alucard: *shrugs with a small smile*

Dante: *grinning* “You knew this would happen all along, didn’t you. That’s why you let that freak stay in the house! Now the Belmont’s are chopping him into bits, and you never have to see him again.”

Alucard: *smiles* “That’s my great-great-great-great-great-great grandson!”

THE END