#146 – Homeward Bound – The Ripoff

Blacky: *licking paw* “Yuck. The floors of that cage were not very clean. And the litter box! Ugh! I would never stay here again.”

Originally Published: 11/29/05 . 24 pages

Synopsis
The ramble room pets have been taken away! Will they be able to find their way home?

Ramble Milestones
Nothing this time.

This sounded way better in concept than it turned out. I like the beginning, then I realized all the ramble pets were pretty much one dimensional, and totally rushed the ending. And you can tell I just gave up and just wanted to be finished. The best stuff here is all human – especially the drama Sephiroth creates.

 

(lark is over at loser land, and you know she’s doesn’t want to be there. she’s standing in the doorway, arms crossed, looking annoyed.)

Lark: “You’re lucky they weren’t seriously hurt because of your stupid weather machine!”

Hojo: “I’ve told you! I wasn’t the one who set it! It was Nida!”

Nida: “And I’d do it again!”

Lark: “Shut up, Nida! I’ll deal with you later! I better not hear about anymore suspicious blizzards, Hojo! Or I’ll sic your son on your ass!”

Hojo: “I still can’t believe my darling Kuja told on me!”

Kuja: “How could I not?”

Lark: “Kuja is the only decent one among you!”

Kuja: *flips hair over shoulder* “Of course.”

Lark: “Anyway, I’m getting out of here.” *grimaces* “What is that smell?”

Heidegger: “I think it came outta me! Gya haa haa!”

(grimacing more, lark turns to go, but a man in a green uniform approaches and stops her)

Man: “Excuse me, ma’am, but do you live here?”

Lark: “God no.”

Man: “Oh, well I’m here to do an inspection.”

Nida: “Oh, crap! It’s the health department! I told you to scrape that algae off the bathtub, Hojo!”

Hojo: “It was part of my experiment!”

Man: “I’m not the health inspector.”

Scarlet: “Are you an undercover cop? Because I’m still happily married.” *grabs nida*

Man: “No.”

Scarlet: “Oh. Well forget that then.” *pushes nida away*

Man: “I’m with animal control. We’ve had reports of strange pets in the area. I’m afraid I have to confiscate every pet that is unlicensed and bring them to the shelter until the proper paperwork can be done.”

Stinky: *hides*

Man: “Is that your pet skunk?”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! He’s my only friend!”

Man: “Do you have a license for him?”

Heidegger: “He don’t need no stinkin’ badges! Gya haa haa!”

Man: “I’m afraid I’ll have to take him then. You can complete the proper paperwork and have him back in 2 weeks.”

Heidegger: “But who will make sure I don’t stop breathing in my sleep? Gya haa haa!”

Man: “I’m sorry, but it’s my job.”

(heidegger reluctantly puts the depressed looking stinky into the cage)

Man: “Do you have any other pets?”

Hojo: *shifty eyes* “No.”

(in the background the cries of the licky licky monster are heard loud and clear)

Man: “What was that?”

Hojo: “Certainly not a pet of any kind.”

Scarlet: *mutters* “Not anything anyone would want to own anyway.”

Man: “Just fill out these forms and mail them in. Then you can have your pet back.” *hands papers to heidegger*

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! My heart is breaking!”

Kuja: *mutters* “And yet he’s still laughing.”

Lark: *sweat drops* “Uh oh. I guess the ramble room is next…”

 ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

(sure enough, it is. sephiroth, barret, cid, rinoa, squall, red, shadow, interceptor, locke, lark and rufus are standing around with the animal control man)

Sephiroth: “This is ridiculous! I have one little cat! Did you see what they have next door?! It’s a giant three-headed dog!”

Man: “Sir, for the third time that dog was properly licensed. Your cat is not.”

Sephiroth: “Who allows three-headed dogs to be kept as pets?! What kind of establishment are you running?!”

Rufus: “I concur! That dog is scary!”

Sephiroth: “See? I’m not alone!”

Man: “Sir, please put your cat in the cage. Here’s the paperwork.”

(sephiroth sadly takes the paperwork and lark puts blacky in the cage)

Sephiroth: “It’s just not fair! My pets are always being taken away from me!” *hugs lark*

Lark: *trying to console him* “It’s okay, Sephy! You’ll get him back!”

Man: *to shadow* “Now, sir, I gave you your paperwork all ready. Please put your dog into the cage.”

Shadow: “…I can’t. He’ll tear my arm off.”

Interceptor: *licks shadow and happily wags tail*

Man: “That’s the nicest dog I’ve ever seen!”

Shadow: “He’s a destructive menace!”

Interceptor: *licks man and continues to wag tail*

Locke: *gently* “Put him in the cage, Shadow.”

(shadow gets down and pets interceptor lightly. he then leads the dog into the cage. interceptor cries, and shadow stands up slowly)

Shadow: *points at the man* “You will rue this day!” *runs off*

Man: “I get that a lot.” *checks off something* “Okay, now for your dog.” *turns to rinoa and squall*

Rinoa: “Oh, Angelo! I can’t believe I have to be without you for two weeks!”

Squall: *looks visibly upset*

Man: “Just fill out the paperwork and you’ll have your dog back in no time.”

(rinoa unhappily puts angelo in the cage.)

Squall: “What will I do with myself!?!?!” *runs off crying*

Man: *blink blink* “I thought it was your dog.”

Rinoa: “They have a close bond.”

Man: *checks off clipboard* “Okay. Any other pets?”

Barret: “Yo! Our here pet ain’t got no license!”

Red: *paw to head* “Oh god. I saw this coming in my nightmares.”

Cid: “#$@!%#@%^#$@%&$#@^@#!”

Red: “I am not your pet!”

Man: *looking at red strangely* “What is it?”

Barret: *shrugs*

Man: “…You own this creature, but you don’t even know what it is?”

Cid: “@#$@#%@#$%^$%#%*&#^#@%@!”

Man: “Ah. I see.”

Red: “I am not your pet!”

Man: “Okay, here’s the paperwork.” *hands cid paperwork*

Lark: “Uh… He’s really not their pet.”

Barret: “Yo, woman! Then who dat there keyboard belong to?”

Red: “Keyboard?! That is part of a computer!”

Lark: “He doesn’t belong to anyone. He’s just…Red.”

Man: “Sorry, ma’am, he’s still an unlicensed wild animal. You’ll still have to follow the procedure.”

Red: “Why do I need a license? I have more intelligence than those two dolts combined! Where’s the justice?!”

Barret: “Yo! Get in dat there cage, mouse/rat!” *shoves red in*

Lark: “Sorry, Red. I tried.”

Red: *sigh* “There is no end to my misery.”

Man: “Is that the last of the pets?”

Rufus: *sobbing* “No!”

Lark: “Rufus? You have a pet?”

Rufus: “Take good care of him!”

(he takes mr. jingles and shoves him into the cage)

Everyone: “……………”

Man: “Uh, sir, that’s a stuffed–“

Rufus: *sobbing* “Oh god! My poor baby!”

Man: “But, sir, your bear isn’t–“

Rufus: “Just give me the damn papers and let me grieve!”

(totally confused, the man hands rufus the paperwork)

Man: “Okay…just send that in to get your…bear back.”

Rufus: “Oh, Mr. Jingles! What will I do without you?!” *runs off crying*

Everyone: “……………”

Man: “He knows it’s fake, right?”

Lark: “I hope so.”

 

 ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

(meanwhile, sephiroth, lark and rufus go into the ramble room where reno, elena, tseng and reeve are crowded around a carrier where baby lily, with her black hair and blue eyes sits, staring at all of them)

Reno: “I helped get you out of your mommy! Yes I did!”

Tseng: “Okay, stop telling my daughter that.”

Sephiroth: “It’s just not fair! Why did they have to take Blacky away? They didn’t take the baby away!”

Elena: “Don’t compare my baby to your cat!”

Sephiroth: “I’m upset.”

(he plops down on the couch, pouting)

Lark: “Sephy, you’ll get Blacky back!”

Reno: “I forgot you had a cat!”

Reeve: “You can hold Lily if you want.”

Sephiroth: “….Okay.”

(so reeve picks lily up and hands her to sephiroth.)

Rufus: “Big deal, so they took your stupid cat. They took Mr. Jingles away from me! What am I going to tell the editor of Teddy Collector Magazine?”

Everyone: “……….”

Tseng: “They took Mr. Jingles?”

Rufus: “Yes! And why wouldn’t they?!”

(they all look at lark, who just shakes her head in a silent plea to tell them not to bother)

Rufus: “In Mr. Jingles’ absence you’ll have to do twice the work to keep up with all his responsibilities!”

Reeve: “What responsibilities?”

Rufus: “Shut up, Reeve! Now here, fill out these papers to get him back!” *shoves papers at reeve* “And where’s Rude? He loves doing extra, unpaid work!”

(then zell runs in out of breath)

Zell: “Rufus!! Rufus!! I just heard about Mr. Jingles!!”

Sephiroth: “Oh god, here it comes.”

Zell: *tears in eyes* “I am *so* sorry! How could they take him away!? He was just an innocent bear!”

Rufus: “All he ever wanted to do was love!”

(they hug one another crying while everyone else looks uncomfortable.)

Sephiroth: “Now that I’ve lost whatever shred of respect I had for humanity, I’ll be leaving.”

(he hands lily back to reeve)

Rufus: *sobbing* “How can I go on!?!?!?!?!?!”

Lark *following sephiroth out* “Even I can’t take this.”

 ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

(now at the shelter, red, interceptor, stinky, blacky and angelo – oh, and mr. jingles – are being brought in on leashes. none of them look happy. the man who took them all goes over to another man who’s behind a desk)

Man: “I confiscated all these unlicensed pets.”

Second Man: *blink blink* “Who keeps a skunk as a pet?”

Man: “One guy forced me to take his stuffed bear.”

Second Man: “What?!”

Man: *holds out mr. jingles*

Second Man: “Well, at least that’s one that doesn’t need a cage. Let’s find a place to put these guys.”

(so the first man follows the second man into the back of the kennel. they find places for all the animals, except for red. both of the men are staring at him)

Second Man: “What is that?”

Man: “I don’t know. Neither do the guys who owned him.”

Second Man: “Is it dangerous?”

Man: “I don’t think so. But it talks.”

Second Man: “It talks?”

Man: “Yeah, I saw it talk.”

Second Man: “Really?!” *to red* “Hey – you! Say something!”

Red: “I am not here for your amusement.”

Second Man: “Wow! It does talk!”

Man: “So, he’s kinda big. Where we gonna put him?”

Second Man: “Well…the only cage big enough to hold him has the you-know-what in it.”

Man: “You think it’s okay to put them together?”

Second Man: “We don’t really have a choice. Plus it’s time to close up. I wanna go home!”

(they walk red to the end where there is a huge cage occupied by…a dragon. they open the door and shove red inside. they then close the door and leave the kennel, shutting off the lights. so now the animals are alone. and don’t you know, all animals can understand one another…)

Red: *sigh* “I’d like to think nothing can be worse but I’m sure the universe will think up something more horrible for me in the near future.”

Dragon: *long sigh*

Red: “…Pardon, me, but, are you not a dragon?”

Dragon: “Yeah…”

Red: “Well, can’t you get us out of here? Breathe fire or something?”

Dragon: *sad sigh* “Fire proof.”

Red: *sigh* “Only I could be stuck in a cage with a big dragon who is powerless. Well, do you have a name?”

Dragon: “The only name I have ever been called is Flamey.”

Red: “Very well, Flamey. My name is Nanaki.”

(all of the sudden there is the sound of a cage door opening and a flash of black as something jumps to the floor. the creature turns around and looks at red. it’s stinky)

Red: “Stinky?! How did you get out?”

Stinky: *tucking something into his fur* “Lock picking kit… I never leave home without it – People don’t like skunks – I’ll get the keys…”

(he scampers off to find the keys)

Red: “Is this for real?! Am I actually going to escape?!”

(sure enough, stinky finds the keys and lets all the animals out of their cages. they all run happily out of the kennel into the night air. flamey, red, stinky, blacky, interceptor and angelo all come together. angelo has mr. jingles in her mouth. she drops him and happily rolls on the grass)

Angelo: “I saved him! I saved him!! Yay!!!!!”

Interceptor: *wagging tail madly* “I’m-free!!!! I’m-free!!!!!! I-get-to-go-back-to-Shadow-now!!!! And-he’ll-be-so-happy!!! He’ll-give-me-treats!!!!”

Blacky: *licking paw* “Yuck. The floors of that cage were not very clean. And the litter box! Ugh! I would never stay here again.”

Red: *looking around* “I wonder how far we are from home.”

Stinky: “About two days distance by foot… I counted the miles while we were in the truck…”

Flamey: “FIIIIRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEE!” *breathes fire*

Animals: *pause*

Inteceptor: “Cool!!! Cool, man!!!! That-was-so-cool!!!! Do-that-again!!!! Do-that-again!!!!”

Blacky: “Please don’t. You’ll singe my fur.”

Red: “We should refrain from drawing attention to ourselves. We don’t want to be caught again.”

Stinky: “Precisely… Gotta get out of here… Here – into these woods.”

(so stinky leads the way and they all follow him into the woods. angelo has taken it upon herself to transport mr. jingles home. once they get into the protection of the trees, stinky stops and turns to the group.)

Stinky: “If we’re going to get back to the ramble room alive, we’re going to have to work together – who knows what lies in these woods…”

Angelo: “I smell fuzzy bunnies!!!”

Interceptor: “Oooooohhhhhhh!!!! I-wanna-chase-stuff!!!! Let’s-chase-stuff!!!”

Red: “We must get home. There’s no time for games.”

Blacky: “Will this involve a lot of walking? Because I have very delicate pads on my paws.”

Stinky: “Yes it will involve walking! What kind of cat are you?!”

Blacky: “A very pretty cat!”

Stinky: “Are you sure you don’t belong to Kuja?”

Flamey: “…Flamey have no where to go… Can Flamey come with you?”

Red: “I don’t see why not. We might have use for a gigantic, fire breathing dragon.”

Flamey: “FIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRREEEEEEE!!!” *breathes fire*

Animals: “……….”

Red: “…Please don’t do that in the woods. It’s a Smokey the Bear skit waiting to happen.”

Angelo: “I smell cuddly bears!!!”

Interceptor: “I-wanna-be-friends-with-them!!! Can-we??? Can we??? Can we??? Oooooh!! I-want-snausages!!!!”

Angelo: “Me to!!”

Interceptor: “Shadow-always-gives-me-lots-of-them!!!! Loooooooooooots-of-them!!!! He’s-the-best-master-ever!!!!”

Stinky: “We’re wasting time here…”

Red: “True. Let’s go!”

 ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(so they’re walking along and it’s dark out because it’s the middle of the night. stinky leads the group. blacky is riding on flamey’s back)

Angelo: “I know!! Let’s have a sing a song!”

Interceptor: “Yeah!!! Yeah!!!! Yeah!!! Let’s-sing-have-along!!!!” *sings* “On-the-goooooood-ship! Lollipop! It’s-a–“

Stinky: “Stop! No singing… We don’t want…to attract attention…”

Blacky: “Would you quiet down please? I am *trying* to get my beauty sleep.”

Red: *mutters* “I would use the word bitch, but that’s only for a female dog.”

Angelo: “I’m a bitch!”

Interceptor: “I’m-a-Doberman!!!! Yeah!!! And-then-me-and-Shadow-we–“

Stinky: “SHUSH! Those men from the kennel might be on our trail… And we don’t want them to find us…do we…?”

Red: “We don’t want all we have worked for to go up in flames.”

Flamey: “FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” *breathes fire*

All: “……………”

Blacky: “Okay, you have *got* to stop doing that.”

Angelo: “Um, Mr. Skunk, sir? I’m tired. Can’t we take a nap break?

Interceptor: “Yeah!!! Yeah!!! Yeah!!!! A-nap-break!!! Yeah!!!! I-love-naps!!!! Loooooooooooooooooooove-naps!!!! I-have-such-a-comfy-bed-that’s-soooo-sooooo-sooooo-sooooo-comfy! And-Shadow-bought-for-me-and-it’s-sooooo-comfy!!!! Just-soooooo-comfy! And–“

Stinky: “Fine – we’ll take a nap… But we’ve gotta be up before dawn…”

(so the animals settle down for their nap)

 ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(back over at the ramble complex, it’s night time and sephiroth wanders over to where alucard is feeding ceberus)

Sephiroth: “Hey.”

Alucard: “Hello. I heard about your cat. I’m sorry.”

Sephiroth: “How did you find out?”

Alucard: “Lark told me.”

Sephiroth: “Does she have to tell everybody everything?! I bet she told you about the time she walked in on me washing some guy’s hair in the bathtub.”

Alucard: “…That was *me*.”

Sephiroth: “…Oh yeah.” *he sits down in the grass* “So, did the Belmont’s stop leaving a guard outside your house at all hours?”

Alucard: “Yes. But now they keep leaving threatening messages on our answering machine.”

Sephiroth: “How did they get your phone number?”

Alucard: “Who knows, but it’s really getting ass lancing.”

Sephiroth: *blink blink* “Where did you get that word from?”

Alucard: *shrugs* “Picked it up somewhere.”

Sephiroth: *sigh* “First my dragon, now my cat. Why does everything I love have to go away?”

Alucard: “At least you don’t have to watch everyone you love die around you.”

Sephiroth: “Can’t you ever show me any pity?”

Alucard: “You never show me any pity.”

Sephiroth: *rolls eyes* “Whatever.” *pause* “So…you wanna go up to your room?”

Alucard: “Not tonight. Dad thought it would be fun to open a box of Lucky Charms and hide the marshmallows all over the house. I’m still cleaning it up.”

Sephiroth: *annoyed sigh* “Every time it’s something involving that old geezer! Just push him in the sun already and end it!”

Alucard: “Sephiroth, I am not having this argument with you again.”

Sephiroth: *gets up* “I am sick and tired of playing second fiddle to your father!”

Alucard: “He’s my *father*!”

Sephiroth: “Yeah! And so what? What has he ever done for you except annoy the crap out of you? He’s a useless old man that just takes up space!”

Alucard: “Don’t talk about my father that way!”

Sephiroth: “I’ll say whatever I want! He’s ruining our relationship!”

Alucard: *glares* “No. You are. And you’re no stranger to doing that from what I’ve heard.”

(sephiroth is taken back. He stands there for a moment, glaring back at alucard, looking very angry.)

Sephiroth: “I see Lark *has* been telling everybody everything. Good night.”

(and with that he stalks off back to the ramble room. Dracula comes wandering out of the house over to alucard. He’s missing his nose)

Dracula: “Just follow my nose, Alucard!” *throws cereal in the air*

Alucard: *is angry* “Dad, what are you doing?! Where is your nose?!”

Dracula: “You’ll have to follow it, Alucard!”

Alucard: “What are you talking about?!”

Dracula: “You’ll never find me Lucky Charms!”

Alucard: *angrily stalking back to the house* “I’m not in the mood, dad.”

Dracula: *frowns* “What’s the matter, Alucard? Did you have a fight with your girlfriend?”

Alucard: *sigh* “…Yes.”

Dracula: “Well don’t worry, Alucard! I still love you!”

Alucard: *small smile* “Thanks, dad.”

Dracula: *gasp* “Alucard! The cereal stole my nose!”

Alucard: *sigh*

 ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(meanwhile, it seems our animal friends have overslept, as it is now the next morning. Stinky wakes up and notices it’s morning.)

Stinky: “Everyone! Wake up… We…overslept…”

Red: *waking up* “Oh, no. I knew resting was a bad idea.”

Blacky: “I am *not* waking up now. I need a full eight hours or my fur looks clumpy.”

Angelo: *rolling on grass* “I feel sooooooooo rested!!”

Interceptor: *jumping up* “Yeah!!!!! Let’s-go!!!! Let’s-get-going!!! Let’s-go!!!! Let’s-go-let’s-go-let’s-go!!!!”

Flamey: *yawn*

Stinky: “Okay… We have no more time to lose… Let’s move out…”

Blacky: “Fine. But I’ll need breakfast. Otherwise I won’t have a glossy coat, and you do not want to know me when I’m like that.”

Red: “…No comment.”

Angelo: *wagging tail* “Yeah!! I’m hungry too!!”

Interceptor: “Yeah!!!!! I’m-really-hungry!!! Shadow-always-feeds-me-as-soon-as-he-gets-up-and-stuff!!! He-always-feeds-me-something-really-good!!!! And—“

Stinky: “Very well… I hear some running water… Perhaps we…could catch a fish…”

(so they all start following stinky to where there’s a river. Stinky and red go over to the edge and peer down at the water. There’s a lot of fish in there)

Stinky: “Can you…catch a fish?”

Red: “Shouldn’t prove too difficult.”

(red stands there a moment looking down at the water, waiting to strike. Finally he reaches with his mouth and catches a fish. He then straightens up and looks at stinky. But stinky isn’t looking at him. Instead he looks straight ahead, eyes wide. Then he hears a really loud growling. he turns to look and sees a huge brown bear standing there on its hind legs. He stares in fear)

Stinky: “…Run.”

(and they turn heel and do just that, the bear following after them.)

 ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(meanwhile, it’s daytime back at the ramble room. Lark and tseng sit at the table playing cards while lily sits in a little swing nearby. Meanwhile rufus and zell are sitting down on the couch looking through some photo albums and crying. A very small stuffed cat sits next to rufus.)

Rufus: *crying and pointing a picture* “Remember Mr. Jingles’ cowboy outfit? He loved how slimming those chaps were!”

Zell: *crying and pointing to another pic* “And what about his sailor suit? He loved how the blue brought out his eyes!”

(they then break down sobbing, hugging one another. Lark and tseng look at them and then at each other)

Lark: “I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

Tseng: “Tell me about it. They’ve been crying more than the baby.”

Rufus: *hugging the cat* “Oh, Master Fluffykins! What will we do without him!?!?!”

Zell: “He’s too young to be away from home!!”

(they then go back to hugging and crying. Lark and tseng just shake their heads and pick up their cards as sephiroth stalks in the room and heads straight for lark)

Sephiroth: “Lark. You’ve been talking to Alucard?”

Lark: *blink blink* “Is that a question or a statement?”

Sephiroth: “Have you?”

Lark: “Yeah, I’ve talked to him. Why?”

(sephiroth then places both hands on the table and leans down towards lark, glaring at her)

Sephiroth: “You talk to him about us?”

Lark: “What?”

Sephiroth: “HAVE YOU TALKED TO HIM ABOUT US!?!?”

(the room goes silent. Rufus and zell stare. Lark just stares in shock. The only one who doesn’t look shocked is tseng. He gets up and shoves sephiroth back)

Tseng: “Don’t talk to her like that.”

Sephiroth: “What, are you her bodyguard now? You wanna fight me?”

Lark: *gets up* “Stop it!” *glaring* “Sephiroth, I never said anything to Alucard about us.”

Sephiroth: “Then who else who had a relationship with me talked to him?” *looks at tseng* “You?”

Tseng: “I would hardly call what we had a relationship anyway. But no.”

Lark: “Sephiroth, Alucard and Vincent did work together for a few days. Did you ever think of that? And don’t you dare confront Vincent about it because he has every right to say whatever he wants about you!”

(sephiroth takes a step back, obviously knowing he’s been beaten. Without another word he turns and leaves the room. Lark and tseng look at one another)

Tseng: “What was that about?”

Lark: “I have no idea.” *turns to rufus and zell* “Mr. Jingles is gone.”

Both: “MR. JINGLES!” *hug one another crying*

 

 ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(meanwhile, back to our animal friends, night is falling and they are still running from the bear at top speed. Blacky is still riding on top of flamey and is keeping track of the bear)

Blacky: “Omg! He’s not giving up!!”

Angelo: *can’t understand her because mr. jingles is in her mouth*

Red: “We’ve been running for miles!”

Stinky: “This bear is…made of strong stuff.”

Interceptor: “I-wanna-go-home!!!!!!!!!!”

Stinky: “Wait there’s…a clearing ahead.”

(and sure enough there is. And guess what? It’s the ramble complex! And they run towards the buildings…)

Blacky: “Finally! Oh my gosh, he’s finally given up!”

(the animals slow down to a trot and turn around to see the bear heading back into the woods)

Red: “Well, that was certainly the push we needed.”

Blacky: *jumping off flamey* “Well, I’ll be going inside now. I have *got* to have my nails trimmed.”

Interceptor: *running inside* “Shadow!!!!! I’m-home-I’m-home-I’m-home!!!!”

Angelo: “Yeah!!! Now Squall will feed me!!!”

(so blacky, interceptor and angelo – with mr. jingles – run inside.)

Stinky: “So…I guess this is the end of the road.”

Red: “So it is.”

Flamey: *sigh* “Flamey still have nowhere to go.”

(red looks around and sees dracula coming outside, throwing cereal everywhere)

Dracula: “Run free, marshmallows, and start families of your own!”

Red: “…Come with me.”

 ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(meanwhile, inside, lark is walking down the hallway with rinoa, squall, rufus, zell, shadow, barret and cid who are all trying to hand her paperwork)

Lark: *taking it all* “Okay, I’ll mail this out in the morning. I’m sure everyone will have their pets back soon.”

Shadow: “We better. My dog is dangerous. I won’t be surprised if he’s already eaten someone.”

(then sephiroth quietly comes over with his own papers. He shyly hands it to lark)

Lark: *takes it* “Thanks.”

Sephiroth: “I’m….sorry.”

Lark: “Oh?”

Sephiroth: “…About before. I was out of line.” *pause* “…You know I’d never hurt you, Lark.”

Lark: “I know. And I think you should apologize to Alucard. You’re not going to give up on him, are you?”

Sephiroth: *goes to speak*

(suddenly there is a lot of scratching and barking at the door)

Red’s voice: “Let us inside!”

Barret: “Yo! It be our pet!”

Red’s voice: “I am not your pet!”

(lark quickly opens the door and all the animals go to the various owners. Angelo drops mr. jingles in rufus’ arms)

Sephiroth: “Blacky!” *pets blacky*

Rinoa: “Angelo!”

Squall: *grabbing angelo into a hug* “I missed you so much!!!”

Rinoa: *sigh* “I wish he missed me that much.”

Rufus: “Mr. Jingles!!! You’re back!!! You’re finally back!!!” *hugs and cuddles mr. jingles* “Don’t ever leave me again!”

Zell: *hugs rufus* “I knew we’d get our baby back to us!”

Shadow: *hugging interceptor who licks his face* “Daddy missed his Fluffywuffykins!! Did Fluffywuffykins miss his daddy?”

Everyone: *stares at him*

Shadow: *getting up* “…I can smell blood on his breath.”

Barret: “Yo! Cat/rat/moo! How’d you get back?!”

Red: “We managed to escape with the help of Stinky.”

Lark: “Stinky? Heidegger’s skunk?”

Red: “The very same. So all of us and a dragon named Flamey—“

Sephiroth: *eyes wide* “A dragon named Flamey?!”

Red: “Yes. That was the name he gave me.”

Sephiroth: “Was he black with a red stripe down his back?”

Red: “Yes.”

Sephiroth: “OMG! Well where is he now?!?!?!”

Red: “Um, well…”

(but sephiroth doesn’t wait for the answer. Still holding blacky he runs outside onto the lawn and looks next door to see dracula petting flamey while alucard stands nearby. Flamey looks very happy with dracula. Sephiroth goes running over)

Sephiroth: “Flamey!!”

Alucard: *coldly* “I see you got your cat back.”

Sephiroth: “This dragon – this is my dragon! His name is Flamey!”

Dracula: “You mean Sprinkles? Sprinkles is my new best friend!”

Sephiroth: “Sprinkles?!”

Alucard: “Red brought him over. He thought he would fit in with the rest of our pets. We haven’t owned a dragon in awhile, but you never forget how to take care of one.”

Dracula: *hugs flamey* “I’ll love you forever, Sprinkles!”

Sephiroth: *frowns* “I don’t believe this. My dragon finally comes back and he goes to him!”

Dracula: “Alucard, I’m going to tie Sprinkles up in the backyard!”

Alucard: “Okay, but put him on a different tree from Ceberus.”

(dracula takes flamey into the backyard leaving alucard and sephiroth alone)

Sephiroth: *frowns* “I guess maybe he’s better off here. He won’t run away and I can still visit him.”

Alucard: “I suppose so.”

Sephiroth: “………………..So. Vincent spoke with you didn’t he?”

Alucard: “Excuse me?”

Sephiroth: “He talked to you about me.”

Alucard: “We spoke some, yes.”

Sephiroth: “Well I can guess what he said. But I wanted to say I was sorry.”

Alucard: “Oh?”

Sephiroth: “Look, even I can’t be perfect. I’m not ready to give up on this. And I’m not about to let your crackpot of a father stand in my way.”

Dracula’s voice: “Alucard?!”

Alucard: “In a minute, dad!” *to sephiroth* “In that case, then. I forgive you.”

(they hug.)

Dracula’s voice: “Alucard?!”

Alucard: “What is it?!”

Dracula’s voice: “Did my doctor say if it was okay for me to bathe in dragon poop?”

Alucard: “I better get back there.”

Sephiroth: “I’ll help.”

(and they go off together into the backyard.)

 

THE END

 

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