Nida: *reading one of the tubes* “Uh, Ashley… Does ‘take rectally’ mean what I think it means?”
Originally Published: 4/17/05 . 42 pages
Synopsis
Hojo has a plan to switch the bodies of the losers with the bodies of the ramble girls! Will this be the plan that finally works?
Ramble Milestones
Nothing this time.
I consider this my favorite ramble of all time – I just think it’s hilarious. When I originally came up with the concept, the losers were only supposed to take over the bodies of the ramble girls, but I screwed with that concept a little and I’m glad I did. One thing does bother me about this ramble though. Vincent makes out with Brady no problem and Sephiroth barely has a problem with it. I can see Sephiroth shrugging it off for the “greater good” (according to him) but why would Vincent “cheat” on Sephiroth? Especially considering what happens only a few rambles away, it’s a hard thing to ignore. But let’s do just that! Or say that the potion made Hojo/Brady hard to resist or something. Yeah, that sounds good. Let’s say that.
(we open in loser land, which you know is a bad sign. Kuja is painting his toenails sparkly pink, seymour is painting his sparkly purple, nida is typing something on the computer, scarlet is trying to comb tangles out of her hair, heidegger and stinky are doing the aerobics video ‘sweating to the oldies vol. 10’, and kefka is behind the couch, petting the fabric for some odd reason. Hojo isn’t in the room.)
Kuja: “You are *such* a copycat.”
Seymour: “You’re the copycat! I bought my Sparkly Princess Purple Polish first!”
Kuja: “You did not! I’ve had my Sparkly Princess Pink Polish longer!”
Scarlet: “Nida, are you writing your stupid column for the Garden Newsletter again?”
Nida: “It is not stupid! My column is informative!”
Scarlet: “All you write about is bad stuff about Squall. And you make up all of it!”
Nida: “I do not! He really poisoned Zell four times!”
Scarlet: “That was you! And those hot dogs were meant for Squall!”
Nida: “Shut up, whore!”
Heidegger: *trying to keep up with the video* “Gya haa haa! Heart attack waiting to happen!”
Nida: “Ew!!” *shields eyes* “Since when do you exercise?”
Scarlet: “Since when does he move at all?”
Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! New Years Resolution!”
Nida: “New Years was months ago, you ass!”
Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! Took that long for my special warm-up suit to get here!”
Everyone: *shudders*
Kuja: “He should just skip the exercise and go straight to the lypo.”
Seymour: “Agreed.”
Nida: “He won’t even finish this video before he’s shoving his face with food again.”
Scarlet: “I’m honestly surprised he’s not shoving his face *while* doing the video.”
Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! Great idea!” *runs to kitchen*
Stinky: *hits himself in the forehead*
Kefka: *pops up from behind the couch* “Hehehe! Cheese puffs of doom!”
(then hojo comes running in excitedly, which is another really bad sign.)
Hojo: “I’ve done it at last!”
Kuja: “You made it bigger?”
Hojo: “…No. Unfortunately that is still out of my grasp. But I have concocted another fool-proof plan of taking over the ramble room!”
Scarlet: “I thought we were past trying to do that.”
Hojo: “No. I’ve just been working on this potion for a long time.”
Kuja: *mutters* “Well if you didn’t have so many ‘side projects’…”
Seymour: “So what does it do?”
Hojo: “Ah, I’m glad you asked. This potion is quite different from anything I’ve ever made before. What it does is allow someone to switch bodies with someone else.”
Kefka: “Hehehehehe! Sweet flesh!”
Everyone: “……………………”
Nida: “You mean this potion puts your brain in someone else’s body, and their brain in yours?”
Hojo: “Basically, that is the concept.”
Nida: “AWESOME! I wanna be Squall! Then we’ll see who got stuck driving the Garden!”
Everyone: *looks at him funny*
Nida: “….Uh, which is the best job, of course.”
Hojo: “Squall is not involved in this plan. This plan involves those irritating ramble girls, lark’s irritating fiancé, and my son.”
Nida: “Ooh! I wanna be Sephiroth!”
Hojo: “You don’t get to pick! I forgot to label the vials! I have no idea which one is which.”
Kuja: “I hope I end up as one of the girls. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to have breasts.”
Nida: “Ooh… Boobs…” *grins*
Scarlet: “Ew, pervert.”
Hojo: “Now, this potion works overnight, so while someone is out distributing the potions to the various ignoramuses, the rest of us have to seal up this place so they can’t get out.”
Seymour: “So…they’re basically going to end up dead.”
Hojo: “Precisely! See now why it’s fool proof?”
Scarlet: “It will be nice to not have to take those pills anymore.”
Nida: “It’ll be nice not to have a whole cabinet in the kitchen devoted to storing all your pills, whore!”
Heidegger: *running back in* “Gya haa haa! Let’s get it started!”
Hojo: “Very well. Who wants to go and give out the potions?”
Nida: *raises hand* “Ooh! Me! I always do a good job!”
Hojo: “I don’t know if you’re sneaky enough…”
Nida: “Hey, I’m plenty sneaky! I’m sneaky like a snake!”
Kefka: *crawling across the ceiling* “Hehehehe… Allow…me.”
Hojo: “Hmmm…well, you are sneaky…”
Scarlet: “Ugh, tell me about it. The other night I woke up to find him standing right over me. I screamed and screamed but no one came to help me.”
Nida: “Oh, I thought that was just Kuja again.”
Kuja: “If you felt his disgusting nails on you in the middle of the night you would be screaming too.”
Hojo: “Very well, I put my trust in you. Remember, our targets are Lark, Brady, Sephiroth, Shell, Noelle, Ashley and Katie.” *gives him potions*
Kefka: “Hehehe. Into the night!”
(he scurries out)
Scarlet: “Are you sure it’s okay to trust him? I mean, the mental intuition does keep trying to take him away.”
Hojo: “Everything will be fine. Even if he messes up a little, it doesn’t matter. They’re still people in the ramble room. In the morning we will all meet at the ‘porch swing’. I hear that place is not too popular. Now let us get this place sealed up!”
Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! I’ll be skinny by morning!”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(so kefka goes out and does his thing. He then returns to loser land, where they finish sealing up the place. They then all go to bed. Morning rolls around. Now, for all of this I’m going to go with the name of the characters body, not who is in the body. You’ll soon see who ended up where. ‘hojo’ wakes up first)
Hojo: *waking up* “Ugh, what time is it?” *sees kuja next to him* “What the hell?! Why am I next to Kuja?!”
Kuja: *sleepily* “Rude, are you talking in your sleep again?”
Hojo: “Rude?” *notices his hands* “These aren’t my hands!!!”
(hojo runs to the mirror and sees himself)
Hojo: “WHAT THE #$%^ HAPPENED TO ME?! LARK?!?!”
Kuja: *stirs* “Rude, what the—“ *sees hojo* “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HOJO!”
Hojo: *turns around* “I’m not Hojo!”
Kuja: “Yes you are! I’d know that disgustingly greasy hair anywhere! Where’s Rude?! What have you done with Rude?!”
Hojo: “…Shell?”
Kuja: “Of course I’m Shell! Who else looks this fabulous in the morning??”
Hojo: “Uh… You might want to come look in the mirror.”
(looking confused, kuja comes over to the mirror and screams immediately)
Kuja: “Omg, I’m Kuja!! What happened?! Where’s my body?!” *to hojo* “What have you done with my body, you creep?!”
Hojo: “Shell, I’m Brady, not Hojo! Obviously he did something to us that switched us out of our bodies!” *shudders* “Ugh, there’s nothing weirder than waking up next to another man whose body is being occupied by the brain of your fiancé’s sister.”
Kuja: “Very soap operaish.”
Hojo: “We’ve gotta get out of here and get back to the ramble room. I bet the other losers switched themselves out of their bodies too. We should check the other rooms first.”
Kuja: *combing fingers through hair* “Wow. I wonder what conditioner he uses. It’s fluffy…soft, yet very shiny.”
Hojo: “Shell!”
Kuja: “Oops, sorry. Okay, let’s go.”
(the two of them run to the room next door, which happens to be scarlet’s room. Scarlet is asleep in her bed.)
Kuja: *pokes scarlet* “Hey, wake up.”
Scarlet: *murmurs* “Seifer, you’re so ass lancing. Clip your own toe nails.”
Kuja: “It’s Ashley.”
Hojo: “Ashley, wake up! We have an emergency!”
(scarlet wakes up and sees hojo and kuja, eyes widening)
Scarlet: “This better be some f***ed up dream.”
Kuja: “It’s so not. Take a look at this.”
(kuja and hojo grab scarlet and go over to the mirror)
Scarlet: “Oh god! I’ve turned into a whore!”
Kuja: “I’m Shell.”
Hojo: “And I’m Brady. It seems that Hojo switched our bodies with theirs!”
Scarlet: “You mean Scarlet is in my body!?!?! No! She’ll sleep with everyone! She’ll give me more STDs than Flossy!!”
Hojo: “Come on, we’ve gotta hurry up and see who else Hojo got!”
(they run to the next room, which happens to be heidegger’s room)
Hojo: *pokes heidegger* “Wake up!”
Heidegger: “Can you not have the decency to let me sleep a bit longer? I am not in the mood for your shenanigans this morning.”
(everyone else looks at one another in confusion. They can’t figure out who it is)
Hojo: *pokes heidegger again* “Come on, wake up! It’s an emergency!”
(heidegger blinks awake at last, and looks up at everyone in confusion)
Heidegger: “You are not Barret and Cid.” *looks at himself* “And this is not my body!!”
Scarlet: “Red?!”
Heidegger: “Yes, that is my name. What have you done to me?”
Hojo: “We haven’t done anything! I’m Brady, and Kuja is Shell and Scarlet is Ashley. Hojo seems to have switched our bodies with the bodies of the losers.”
Kuja: “Boy do I feel sorry for you.”
Heidegger: *sigh* “It is the story of my life.” *mutters* “At least I am a recognizable species.”
Hojo: “Hurry! To the next room!”
(so they round up the rest of the gang and find Noelle in nida’s body and Katie in kefkas. But who’s in seymour’s body? Seymour is on the couch, trying to lick himself)
Hojo: “…Obviously, that’s not a person.”
Scarlet: “Unless Cloud’s really gone downhill.”
Kefka: “You know what? I bet that’s Interceptor! Shadow’s dog!”
(upon hearing the name ‘interceptor’, seymour looks up happily, tongue hanging out of his mouth)
Kuja: “Yeah, that’s him all right. That must have been a mistake.”
Nida: “I can’t believe I’m in Nida’s body! That means he’s in my body, and god knows what he’s doing to it! He’ll probably never stop touching my boobs!”
Kuja: *frowns* “I miss my boobs.”
Kefka: “Hey, at least you’re not a freaky clown alien! I woke up to an octopus asking if we were having tea or not!”
Scarlet: “I’m pretty sure my boobs are fake, if it makes anyone feel any better.”
Hojo: “Let’s not waste any more time, you guys! We have to get out of here!”
Nida: “Yeah, let’s go back to the ramble room before they can do any damage with our bodies!”
(they all run to the door, but it is sealed shut)
Heidegger: “Hmmm… It appears to be glued shut.”
Hojo: “Try the back door!”
Kefka: *from the back* “No good! It’s glued shut!”
Kuja: *trying one of the windows* “The windows are glued too!”
Scarlet: “They sealed us in here!”
Nida: “What are we gonna do?!”
Seymour: *barks and scratches head with foot*
Hojo: “…We’ve got a big problem.”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(meanwhile in the ramble room, lark is sleeping next to Brady and is cuddled up next to him. Brady wakes up, stretches and looks around)
Brady: “Exxxxxxxxxxxxcellent. It appears that my plan worked flawlessly! Now to see who ended up in that skank’s body.”
(he pokes lark, who wakes up with a smile)
Lark: “Good morning, babe.”
(she goes to kiss him, but brady jumps out of bed before she can)
Brady: “Lark????”
Lark: “Yeah… What’s wrong?”
Brady: “Uh… Nothing is amiss. But I just remembered a pressing matter!”
(before she can say anything else he runs out of the room, slamming the door behind him)
Brady: “Damn that Kefka! He missed the most important person of all! Oh well, no time to waste. I must go to the porch swing!”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(meanwhile, in Noelle and reno’s room, Noelle wakes up, next to reno…)
Noelle: “Hey! Awesome!”
(Noelle goes to touch her boobs, but then notices reno is naked)
Noelle: “Ew!!! My piloting eyes!” *jumps out of bed*
Reno: *slowly waking up* “Hey, baby. What’s wrong?”
Noelle: *moving towards the door with a hand over eyes* “Nothing. Just leaving now. See ya!” *bangs chest in the door* “Ow! My piloting boobs!” *quickly leaves the room*
Reno: “….I must be hungover.” *goes back to sleep*
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(meanwhile, in shadow’s room, interceptor wakes up in his fluffy purple dog bed)
Interceptor: *thinks* What in the name of the guado is going on here?! *sees paw* I’m not a ramble girl! I’m someone’s pet! *looks over and sees no one around* ….I better get out here before the owner gets back! *runs out*
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(at the porch swing Brady, shell, Noelle, Ashley, and Katie have gathered.)
Brady: “So, I, Hojo, have wound up in the body of Brady. But Lark was not given the potion.”
Katie: “Hehehehehehehe! Carmel…”
Noelle: “Well, Kefka’s in Katie’s body, and I, the great Nida, am in Noelle’s body.”
Shell: *admiring nails* “Shell certainly does practice good nail hygiene.”
Brady: “Kuja, please try and pay attention.”
Ashley: “I had sex this morning. And I did it for free.”
Noelle: “Ew, Scarlet! I feel sorry for Seifer.”
Ashley: “Hey, you should feel sorry for me! He was terrible!”
Brady: “Well, five of us are accounted for, but where are Heidegger and Seymour?”
Shell: “Does it really matter?” *dances around a little* “Wow, these heels are fabulously comfortable.”
(then red comes up to the group)
Red: “Gya haa haa! I’m not a chick!”
Brady: “Oh goodness! You wound up in the body of Red XIII!”
Katie: *rubs hands together* “Mmmm… Sexy…”
Noelle: *keeping Katie back* “Ewww! What a sick freak!”
Red: “Gya haa haa! We left Stinky behind!”
Brady: “That is not my problem. It’s bad enough Lark is still herself, and you’re a useless…a useless…what are you?”
Red: “Hungry! Gya haa haa!”
Ashley: “I told you not to trust Kefka. And now look.”
Red: “Must go back and get Stinky! Gya haa haa!”
Brady: “No! It’s your fault you didn’t let him out before we sealed up the place last night. He’ll just have to die with the others.”
Red: “Gya?!”
(then interceptor comes walking up)
Interceptor: *barks*
Everyone: “………….”
Noelle: “…You don’t think…”
Brady: “….Seymour?”
Interceptor: *barks and wags tail*
Ashley: “Oh great. One of us is a…whatever, and the other is a useless dog!”
Brady: “This certainly greatly affects my plan! Lark and Sephiroth were the two most important targets!”
Noelle: “What now?”
Brady: “…I don’t know. I need to think. We’ll meet back here at 10 o’clock tonight.”
Shell: “So what are we to do until then?”
Brady: “We lay low! Don’t let anyone suspect that you may not be the person you appear to be! Nida – stop fondling yourself!”
Noelle: *puts hands down* “But they’re so soft!”
Brady: “Kuja, I’m sorry, but I just don’t find you attractive in that body.”
Shell: “Another reason to love it. Besides my trendy hair cut, of course.”
Brady: “So does everyone understand? 10 o’clock.”
Red: “Gya haa haa! Save Stinky!”
Brady: “No! You cannot go back for Stinky!”
Interceptor: *desperately barks*
Brady: “…Sorry. I can’t understand you.”
Shell: “Another thing to be thankful for.”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(so the ‘losers’ return inside the ramble room. And if you guessed that they’d be able to act like the people whose bodies they currently inhabit, put down whatever you’re smoking. ‘Brady’ goes back into the ramble room and almost runs smack into zidane)
Zidane: “Oops! Sorry, Brady! Algus is making me clean his car again. I just cleaned it yesterday and he hasn’t even moved it! But he saw one speck of bird poop on it this morning and told me I had a clean it again. What a jerk, right?”
Brady: “Cleaning a motor vehicle, eh?” *rubs hands together eagerly* “Perhaps you’d like some assistance?”
Zidane: “Uh…yeah, sure. Why not?”
(so Brady goes with zidane outside to wash algus’ car. Zidane gets a bucket of water and puts it on the hood of the car. While zidane is bending down washing the front bumper, Brady ‘accidentally’ knocks the bucket over, soaking zidane)
Zidane: “Crap! Ugh, great. Now I’m soaked.”
Brady: “…Why not remove your shirt?”
Zidane: “Uh… Okay.”
(zidane takes his shirt off and throws it aside. But before he can even turn back around, Brady jumps him and knocks him back onto the grass…)
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(meanwhile, Noelle is walking back into the ramble room when reno comes up to her)
Reno: “Noelle, there you are! You left kinda quick this morning.”
(he goes to hug her, but Noelle quickly steps out of the way)
Noelle: “Uh, yeah, I think we should see other people.”
Reno: “What?!”
Noelle: “…Uh…it’s not you, it’s me.”
Reno: “…Are you breaking up with me?”
Noelle: “Yup. I’m dumpin’ your ass, loser!”
Reno: “But Noelle- last night you said you couldn’t imagine your life without me!”
Noelle: *shifty eyes* “…I was drunk.”
Reno: “You were the designated driver!”
Noelle: *shifty eyes* “Uh… I meant I was smoking pot.”
Reno: “What?! Noelle –“
Noelle: “Save it, ass! We’re broken up, okay? Geez. You can never compare to a real man like Nida.”
Reno: “Nida?! Noelle –“
Noelle: “We’re through!”
(and she walks away, leaving reno totally confused)
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(meanwhile, Ashley walks into the ramble room, where a couple of the guys are hanging out, including rufus. Ashley goes over to him)
Ashley: “…Hey there…President sexy.”
Rufus: *blink blink* “Huh?”
Ashley: “I was wondering if you wanted to come back with me to my room for awhile – no payment necessary.”
Rufus: “What the hell are you talking about?”
Ashley: *sigh* “You wanna have sex with me or not? Look, I’m young and sexy. I’m not standing here forever.”
Rufus: *blink blink* “Aren’t you with Seifer?”
Ashley: “Seifer? Oh, right. Uh, kinda. But we had one of those long, boring couple talks last night and decided that we both wanted an open relationship.”
Rufus: “Open relationship?” *looks uncomfortable* “I don’t know about that, Ashley. Sorry, but I’m late for a meeting!” *runs out*
Ashley: *frowns* “Wuss.”
(then irvine steps over, grinning)
Irvine: “Howdy there, Ashley. I couldn’t help but overhear the words ‘sex’ and ‘open relationship’ coming from this direction.”
Ashley: *looks him over* “Yeah?”
Irvine: *lopsided grin* “Well, there’s never any line to ride the Irvine express.” *wink*
Ashley: *nods and smiles* “Sure. Sounds good, cowboy. All aboard!”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(meanwhile, kuja walks into the ramble room to find rude waiting diligently by the door)
Rude: “Good morning, Shell. Do you want your morning coffee?”
Shell: *blink blink* “You made me coffee?”
Rude: “Of course.” *holds out cup* “Just the way you like it.”
Shell: *taking it* “Excellent work, Rude. Now come give me a foot rub.”
Rude: “Yes, Shell.”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(then there’s Katie, walking down the hall in the ramble room)
Locke: *waves* “Hey, Katie.”
Katie: “Hehehehehe….must find them.”
Locke: “Them? Who’s them?”
Katie: “Hehehehe, here I go!!!”
(Katie runs down the hallway, shoving locke into the wall on her way)
Locke: “…What, is she turning into Shadow?”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(speaking of shadow, interceptor is outside, just sitting in the grass when shadow comes out, calling for him.)
Interceptor: *thinks* Damn, I better go over there. Otherwise it’ll be suspicious.
(so interceptor goes over to shadow, and shadow bends down to pet him)
Shadow: “Hey there, fluffywuffykins! Where did you go this morning? Daddy missed his fluffywuffykins!”
Interceptor: *thinks* …Wow, this guy really loves his dog. …And I like being pet.
Shadow: “Does fluffywuffykins want to give daddy a kiss?”
Interceptor: *thinks* …I guess I better give him a lick. *he does*
(locke comes over)
Locke: “Hey, Shadow. Hey, Interceptor.” *goes to pet interceptor*
Shadow: “Don’t! He’ll eat your soul!”
Interceptor: *thinks* …Now I’m totally confused.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(and then there’s red, who’s heading towards loser land when he’s cut off by none other than barret and cid)
Barret: “Yo! Where you be headin’, Spartacus?”
Red: “Gya haa haa! Funny!”
Cid: “$%$#^$%&$@#%!%^#%&$@&%!”
Barret: “Yeah, yo! Lookit what we got ya, kangaroo.”
Red: “Kangaroos bounce! Gya haa haa!”
(cid pulls out a giant bag of cat food)
Barret: “Cid got it at that there price club, yo!”
Red: “Gya haa haa! Pellets!” *attacks the bag*
(barret and cid watch in jaw dropped silence as red rips open the bag and starts gorging on the food)
Barret: “Yo… Dat be da right whatever, right?”
Cid: *shrugs*
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(meanwhile back in loser land, the group is standing in the kitchen)
Hojo: “I guess since we’re locked in here for awhile, we better check our food supply. Let’s go through all the cabinets.”
(they go through everything and find a box of crackers and a box of lucky charms. That’s it.)
Nida: “That’s all these losers have?”
Kefka: “Yeah, you’d think with Heidegger around-“
(but before kefka can finish, heidegger grabs the lucky charms and downs it, box and all while everyone else watches in shock)
Heidegger: *clears throat*
Nida: “Hey, Red! What the hell – now we only have a box of crackers left!”
(heidegger goes grab the crackers too, but the rest of the group pushes heidegger back while hojo puts the crackers up high out of reach.)
Heidegger: “…Sorry. I can’t help it. I’m just constantly hungry all the time.”
Kefka: “That’s because you have the stomachs of 100 men.”
Nida: “Hey, Ashley, what’s wrong? You haven’t said much.”
Scarlet: *looks ill* “I don’t feel well at all.”
Hojo: “Well, that’s probably because you haven’t taken any of these.”
(hojo goes into one of the cabinets and takes out about 30 pill bottles and various tubes, dumping them in front of scarlet)
Scarlet: “What the—how many diseases is she carrying?!”
Hojo: “Talk about a typhoid mary…”
Scarlet: *groans in disgust* “I don’t believe this! That whore is running around with my healthy body, and I’m stuck with itching in places I didn’t know existed!”
Kefka: “You better take them, or who knows what’ll happen.”
Scarlet: *mutters unhappily and gets a glass of water*
Nida: *reading one of the tubes* “Uh, Ashley… Does ‘take rectally’ mean what I think it means?”
Scarlet: “I’LL KILL THAT WHORE!!!”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(back to the ramble room. A rumpled up zidane is walking along, looking a bit dazed and almost bumps right into sephiroth)
Sephiroth: “Hey! Watch where you’re going!”
Zidane: “Oh, sorry. I’m kinda outta it right now.”
Sephiroth: *looks him over* “You look like crap. Did Algus hit you with his belt again?”
Zidane: “Better. I just made out with Brady for like an hour.”
Sephiroth: *blink blink* “Wait – did you just say you made out with-“
Zidane: *nods and grins*
Sephiroth: “But I thought he was totally straight!”
Zidane: “He is anything but!”
Sephiroth: “Zidane…this is the best news I’ve heard since hearing I made the best video game villain finals. Now how are we gonna get this news to Lark?”
Zidane: “I was gonna just tell her.”
Sephiroth: “No! We’ll need proof…” *thinks a moment*
(then there are some footsteps heard in the next hallway)
Brady’s voice: “Oh, hello there, Tseng.”
Zidane: *quietly* “There he is again!”
Sephiroth: “This I gotta see!”
(both of them hide around the corner, peeking their heads out to watch Brady approach tseng, who’s walking alone)
Tseng: “Oh, hi, Brady. What’s up?”
Brady: “Tseng, Tseng, Tseng. You are looking more stunning than usual.”
Sephiroth: *quietly* “This is the stuff my dreams are made of!”
Tseng: *looks confused* “Uh, thanks, Brady.”
Brady: *advancing on tseng* “So where’s that doting husband of yours?”
Tseng: *uncomfortable* “Back in our room doing some work. Why?”
(then without warning, Brady pushes tseng against the wall and kisses him forcefully. Sephiroth’s jaw nearly hits the floor while zidane suppresses laughter)
Zidane: “Heh, I told you.”
Sephiroth: “And me without a camera.”
Tseng: *pushing Brady off * “Brady, what the f*ck are you doing?!”
Brady: “Uh…er…uh…”
Sephiroth: *quietly* “A camera! That’s it!” *steps out of hiding* “Oh, Brady! There you are!”
(Brady turns around to see sephiroth coming at him)
Sephiroth: “Heh heh, poor thing. You shouldn’t be out with that fever of yours!”
Tseng: “Fever?”
Sephiroth: “Yeah. He’s really sick. He has no idea what he’s doing. Carry on, Tseng.”
Tseng: “Uh…okay. Feel better.”
(tseng leaves, and zidane comes over)
Brady: “Er… Sephiroth… What precisely did you just see occur?”
Sephiroth: “Everything, my good man.” *pats him on the back* “But don’t worry about it. Lark loves yaoi! She’d get a kick out of it!”
Brady: “Would she now…?”
Sephiroth: “Right! So feel free to make out with any and all guys in the ramble room. Now how about you and Zidane both come with me, and-“
Algus’ voice: “Zidane! My car is not properly washed! Get over here immediately, you disobedient slave!”
Zidane: *perks up* “Ooh, that’s what I like to hear! Sorry, Sephiroth, gotta go. Master waits! I’m not gonna miss the fun part!” *runs off*
Sephiroth: “Fine. Let’s go.” *grabs Brady and starts dragging him off*
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(meanwhile, shell is with rude in their room. Shell is going through the stuff on her vanity)
Shell: “Ooh…expensive moisturizer.” *picks it up but it’s empty* “Dammit. Rude!”
Rude: *appears at her side* “Yes, Shell?”
Shell: *sigh* “I’m out of this.”
Rude: *hands her a new bottle* “There you are, Shell.”
Shell: *smiles* “This is working just fine.” *to rude* “How often do I have to have sex with you?”
Rude: “Not often, Shell.”
Shell: “Perfect.”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(meanwhile, Noelle goes into the ramble room, where squall is with zell)
Zell: “Hey, Noelle! What’s going on?”
Noelle: “Oh, not much. What are you up to, *Squall*?”
Squall: *shrug* “Nothing.”
Noelle: “Shouldn’t you be working on your annual report on the state of the Garden, Squall?”
Squall: “Whatever… I can do that later.”
Noelle: *mutters* “Lazy bastard. I’ll get you.” *says* “How about I make you a nice, cool glass of healthy iced tea, Squall?”
Zell: “Sure! I’d love some!”
Noelle: “Not *you*, ass! I said Squall!”
Squall: “Whatever.”
(Noelle skips over to the kitchen and starts to fix some iced tea. Of course, Noelle puts some stuff from a bottle marked with a skull and crossbones in the glass. But the glass just explodes in Noelle’s hand)
Noelle: “Dammit! I brought the wrong stuff!”
Zell: “Want me to help you?”
Noelle: “Go away, you idiot! Go be Squall’s lap dog or something!”
Zell: “But Squall doesn’t like it when I sit on his lap.”
Squall: “I told you never to mention that again, Zell.”
Zell: “Oops.”
Noelle: “Forget the iced tea. How about a game of tiddly winks?” *reaches for a box in pocket that says ‘poison coated tiddly winks’*
Zell: “Tiddly winks?” *snorts* “What are you, Nida?”
Squall: *chuckles* “Yeah. Only Nida plays a loser game like that.”
Noelle: “YOU’RE A LOSER!” *zell and squall stare in shock* “Uh…as Nida would say. Heh heh. Don’t go anywhere! I’ll be right back!” *runs out*
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(meanwhile, back in loser land. Scarlet has taken about an hour to take all her pills, and now sits on the couch looking exhausted. Seymour is curled up in a ball next to her. Hojo is trying in vain to pry the door open. Kuja and kefka are trying the windows. Nida is trying to get heidegger to stop eating the curtains)
Nida: “That’s not healthy!”
Heidegger: “I must continue eating!”
Scarlet: “I can’t believe what Scarlet has to go through every day! I’m too scared to have sex ever again!”
Kefka: “If we don’t get out of here soon, you won’t have to worry about it!”
Hojo: “This glue is impossible!” *sigh* “We’re stuck in here.”
(suddenly stinky enters the room, looking a bit frightened)
Kuja: “Hey, look! It’s Heidegger’s pet! Stinky!”
Scarlet: “Hey, Stinky! Come here. We won’t hurt you.”
(stinky timidly comes into the middle of the room. Seymour smells him and wakes up, happily bounding off the couch and licking stinky)
Nida: “Hey, Stinky. Did they leave you behind?”
Stinky: *nods sadly*
Scarlet: “Aw! Poor thing! How could they do that to you?”
Hojo: *thinking* “Hmmm… Maybe it was an accident.”
Kefka: “Huh?”
Hojo: “I bet you Heidegger’ll come back for him or something. He won’t want his only friend to die. And when he comes back, we can escape.”
Kuja: “What makes you think he’ll come back?”
Hojo: “I don’t know. But it’s a chance, right?”
Kefka: “Yeah.”
Kuja: “True.”
Scarlet: “It’s hope.”
Nida: “Oh crap.”
Kefka: “What’s wrong?”
Nida: “…I have to go to the bathroom.”
Scarlet: “So. Go.”
Nida: “…I can’t! I can’t…use that thing.”
Scarlet: “Why not? It’s not like you haven’t seen one before.”
Nida: “It’s just…” *shudders* “No…ew…so wrong.”
Kuja: *running a hand over arm* “Ooh, my skin is so soft! I wonder what kind of moisturizer Kuja uses. I’ll have to ask him.”
Nida: “Just wait till you have to go to the bathroom! Then you won’t be so glad to have that body.”
Kuja: *sweat drops* “Oh. Right. I forgot I was a guy.”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(meanwhile, back in the ramble room, sephiroth drags Brady to his room, where vincent is sitting, reading a book. He puts it down when sephiroth enters)
Vincent: “Angel, I cannot allow you to kill Brady and hide his body in your closet.”
Sephiroth: “Vincent where did you get that stupid idea?”
Vincent: “From this.” *holds up a notebook that says ‘ways to get rid of that jerk Brady’*
Sephiroth: *takes notebook and shoves it under the bed* “Stop reading my diary!” *grins* “So guess what, Vincent.”
Vincent: *sigh* “Angel, I don’t like guessing.”
Sephiroth: “Fine, suck the fun right out of everything as usual. Anyway, Brady likes men! Don’t you, Brady?” *pats him on the shoulder*
Brady: “Certainly!” *smiles* “Hello there, Valentine.”
Vincent: *looks confused* “Uh…angel, I’m confused.”
Sephiroth: “That’s okay, Vincent. All you have to do is get Auron to make out with Brady, while I take pictures.”
Vincent: “Angel! That is a ridiculous idea!”
Sephiroth: “No it isn’t, Vincent. You know Lark loves yaoi. She told me that she wants them to do it.”
Vincent: “That sounds highly suspect, angel.”
Sephiroth: “No it doesn’t. Now where’s that jerk Auron?”
Vincent: *sweat drops* “Angel, I’m not comfortable with this. Something isn’t right.”
Sephiroth: “You know what’s not right – him marrying Lark! Now come on! Where’s Auron?”
Vincent: “I believe he went out with Tidus and Wakka to see their game of blitzball.”
Sephiroth: *garden snap* “Dammit! The one day I actually need that leech, and he’s not hanging all over you!” *sigh* “Fine, I’ll go find him. You two stay here.”
(he leaves, and vincent looks at Brady uncertainly)
Brady: *rubs hands together eagerly* “This is my lucky day.”
(and with that he jumps vincent)
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(meanwhile, reno goes to irvine’s room and knocks on the door)
Reno: “Hey, Irvine? You in there?”
Irvine’s voice: *out of breath* “Yeah! But I’m kinda busy right now!”
Reno: “Huh?”
Ashley’s voice: “Oh my god! I never thought it could be this way again!”
Reno: *confused* “Was that Ashley?” *calls* “Irvine? Are you banging Ashley?”
Irvine’s voice: “Reno! Busy!!”
Reno: *still confused* “What the hell is going on today?”
(then rude walks by)
Reno: *stops him* “Hey, Rude, I gotta ask you a question.”
Rude: “What’s up, man?”
Reno: “Has Shell…been acting normal today?”
Rude: “Yeah. Well, except she hasn’t-“
(then shell walks by with a list in hand)
Shell: “Rude, I require these items immediately.”
Rude: “Yes, Shell.” *to reno* “Never mind.”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(then we go to interceptor who is now back in shadow’s room.)
Shadow: *giving him a treat* “Here you you, snookiewookums.”
Seymour: *thinks* It’s not five star, but it’ll have to do. *eats the treat* Hmmm…tastes like chicken.
Shadow: “It’s hot in here.”
(then he takes his mask off. YES! He takes his mask off! And let me just say that shadow is amazingly gorgeous. Interceptor’s jaw drops, because, after all, his brain is that of a gay man.)
Interceptor: *thinks* “Oh my goodness… That is the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen in my life!” *runs over to him*
Shadow: “There. Much better. Ack! Interceptor! Get off my leg!”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(back to loser land. The gang is sitting around, watching tv)
Scarlet: *flipping channels* “They get way too many porn channels.”
Nida: “They’re lonely losers. What do you expect?”
Kuja: *admiring toenails* “Ooh! I love this color!”
Heidegger: *goes to eat the tv guide*
Kefka: *snatches it away* “I don’t think so! You already ate all of the New York Post!”
Heidegger: “No wonder my mouth tastes like vomit.”
(suddenly seymour gets up and runs over to the door, scratching on it desperately)
Nida: “Uh… I think Interceptor has to go the bathroom.”
Everyone: “…………………”
Nida: “Hey, don’t look at me! It was bad enough I had to go myself!” *shudders* “I’ll have nightmares for years.”
Everyone else: *looks at heidegger*
Heidegger: “Me? Why me?”
Scarlet: “Well, you’re an animal. And you use the toilet.”
Heidegger: *sigh* “I suppose I have no choice*
Kuja: “It’s the least you can do, considering you ate the new Victoria’s Secret catalog.”
Heidegger: “I can’t control myself! And it was half eaten anyway!”
Hojo: “Red, just take Interceptor to the bathroom. The last thing I want is the whole room to smell like pee when we can’t open any windows.”
(with a sigh, heidegger gets up and and leads seymour off to the bathroom)
Scarlet: “Hey…speaking of windows… We haven’t actually tried *breaking* one.”
Hojo: “Sounds like a plan. Someone get me a bat.”
Nida: “Nida has a bat in his room. I’ll get it.”
(nida runs to the back, returns with the bat, and hands it to hojo)
Hojo: “All right. Here goes nothing.”
(he brings the bat up and swings it like he’s going to hit a homerun. The bat connects solidly with the window pane, but nothing happens. It only makes a loud noise)
Scarlet: “Well that didn’t work.”
Hojo: “It’s freakin’ plexiglass! Who the hell has plexiglass windows?!”
Kefka: *still watching tv* “Freaks who order the ‘old people and midgets’ channel. Gross!” *turns it off*
Heidegger’s voice: *from the bathroom* “No, no Interceptor! Bad dog! I mean bad man! I mean… …I don’t know what to call you.” *sigh* “Now I know how they feel.”
Scarlet: “…Heidegger better get here soon…”
Stinky: *nods*
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(meanwhile, back in the ramble room area, red is chomping his way through the fifth bag of cat food, while barret and cid continue to watch in shock)
Cid: “#$%@#^$#%&#$&!”
Barret: “Yo! Dat there pigeon never once touched none of dat cat food! Now he won’t stop eatin’ it! It makes no damn sense!”
Red: *comes up for air* “Gya haa haa… Getting…full…?” *cocks head to one side*
Cid: “$%#$^$#%&$&$$%!”
Barret: “Yo, you said it, Cid! Finally, yo!”
Red: “Must save Stinky! Gya haa haa!”
(he runs off)
Barret: “Yo, I don’t understand a damn thing, Cid.”
Cid: “$%#^$&%^*$%&$##%&%*^^&*^$%!”
Barret: “Yeah! Back to dat there price club! We be outta cat food!”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(Noelle, in the meantime, returns to the ramble room where squall and zell still are, holding a glass of something)
Noelle: *mutters* “Heh heh… This soda laced with rat posion’ll get him! Get him for good!” *smiling* “Hey, Squall? Thirsty?”
Squall: *shrugs* “Whatever.”
Zell: “I am!”
(he goes to grab the glass, but just winds up knocking it out of Noelle’s hand. It crashes to the floor)
Noelle: “Argh!!! You dumb ass! You’re always standing in the way! Now what am I gonna use to kill Squall!”
Squall: “Huh?”
Noelle: “Um… I said… What am I gonna use to…bill Kquall…the…uh…kid I’m tutoring.”
(zell and squall give Noelle a really weird look)
Noelle: “I gotta go.”
(Noelle runs out of the room)
Noelle: “Damn Zell! He’s always ruining everything!” *thoughtfully* “Yes… Tomorrow is another day. I’ll think of an even better plan and get them *both* then! Hohohoho!”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(and then back to Brady and vincent, who are still making out…)
Vincent: *pulling away a second* “Something still doesn’t feel right about this.”
Brady: “I will finally have you, Valentine! Be silent!”
(so they start going at it again, when the door suddenly opens and sephiroth walks in with auron)
Sephiroth: “So trust me, jerk off, that’s the only time I’m gonna—Oh my GOD what the *hell* is going on here?!”
Vincent: “Angel! Uh…”
Sephiroth: *to Brady* “First you take my woman, and now you take him! What kind of an asshole are you?!” *shrug* “Eh, but it’s a man. Let me get the camera.”
Auron: “What about me?
Sephiroth: “Hit the road, tagalong. I’m not running a peep show here.”
Auron: “Tagalog? But you dragged me here!”
Sephiroth: “Beat it!”
Auron: *glares at sephiroth and Brady before leaving*
Sephiroth: *grabbing camera* “Okay! Let’s make some pretty pictures!”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(finally, back in the loser land, everyone is looking really bored)
Nida: “I’m hungry.”
Heidegger: “Me too.”
Scarlet: “But you ate that whole stack of old catalogs!”
Heidegger: “I’m a machine of destruction.”
Seymour: *yips happily and licks kuja’s face*
Kuja: “Ugh, stop that! You’re rubbing off my make-up!”
Hojo: “Do you think…maybe I was wrong? That maybe…he won’t come after all?”
(but before anyone can answer, there’s a loud banging at the front door)
Kefka: “Ack! Monsters!”
Voice outside: “Gya haa haa! Stinky!!”
Scarlet: “Hey, you’re right! It’s Heidegger!”
(a moment later heidegger manages to burst through the door, in red’s body, of course.)
Heidegger: “…I look fatter.”
Red: “Gya haa haa! I’m just here for Stinky!”
(hojo picks red up by the scruff of his neck)
Hojo: “You really think we’re going to let you take your pet skunk and leave?”
Red: “….Yes? Gya haa haa?”
Hojo: “I don’t think so. One false move, and I’ll feed you to yourself.”
Red: “Gya haa haa! You wouldn’t!”
Heidegger: “I’m so hungry I’m willing to eat myself.” *hangs head* “What a disturbing creature I’ve become.”
Hojo: “Don’t tempt me! I’m in the body of a mad man!”
Red: “Gya haa haa! Fine!”
Hojo: “Good! Then where’s the antidote to this potion?”
Red: “The lab! Gya haa haa!”
Hojo: “Exxxxxxxcellent.” *pause* “I did not just say that.”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(meanwhile, it’s nearly 10 o’clock in the ramble room. Lark is out walking around. She runs into tseng)
Lark: “Hey, Tseng.”
Tseng: “Hey, Lark. Sorry about Brady.”
Lark: “Huh?”
Tseng: “I heard that he was sick.”
Lark: “Who told you that?”
Tseng: “Sephiroth did. He said he had a really high fever.” *frowns* “You mean you didn’t know he was sick?”
Lark: “Well, I guess it would kind of make sense. He ran out of the room this morning so oddly… It wasn’t like him at all.”
(reno comes over, looking so depressed)
Reno: “Hey, guys.”
Lark: “Hey, Reno. What’s wrong?”
Reno: “Noelle dumped me.”
Lark and Tseng: “What?!”
Reno: “It was out of nowhere. I thought she was really happy with me!”
Lark: “So did I!”
Tseng: “Sorry, man.”
Reno: *shrugs* “It’s okay. I just wish Irvine would stop having sex with Ashley long enough so that I could go get a beer with him.”
Lark and Tseng: “WHAT?!”
Reno: “I know, weird, right?” *shrug* “I don’t get it. Well, see you guys later.”
(he goes off. Tseng and lark look at each other, totally confused. Then Katie comes running down the hallway)
Katie: “FLIGHT! FLIGHT!!! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!”
(lark and tseng just watch as she runs out the front door of the ramble room)
Tseng: “…Is someone selling crack around here?”
Lark: “I hope so.”
Tseng: “I hope this all works itself out by morning.”
Lark: “Me too.”
Tseng: “Well, see ya.”
Lark: “See ya.”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(so out front at 10 sharp, the whole gang has gathered, except heidegger/red)
Brady: *looks at watch and taps foot impatiently* “Where is that idiot, Heidegger? I don’t have all night!”
Noelle: “He probably passed out somewhere from eating too much.”
Brady: “I suppose you’re right. If he went back to rescue Stinky I’m sure we’d be seeing ourselves by now.”
Noelle: “Where were you all day, ho?”
Ashley: *contented sigh* “I was having the best sex of my life.”
Noelle: “Ewwwwww! Who did you contaminate now?”
Ashley: “Irvine! And I didn’t contaminate him! I’m STD free, thank you very much!”
Shell: *admiring a new bracelet* “Look what Rude bought me. He’s the best.”
(interceptor pulls at shell’s shoe, trying to get attention)
Shell: “Knock it off, Seymour! It’s not my problem that you’re finally the form you deserve to be.”
Interceptor: *growls*
Ashley: “So what’s the plan, Hojo? I’ve got to get back to riding my cowboy.”
Noelle: “Ew! My virgin ears, you whore!”
Brady: “Well, I can’t tell you without Heidegger here. We’ll have to go to bed and reconvene in the morning, 10 A.M. sharp. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have my own engagements.”
Noelle: “Ew!!! Everyone stop!”
Reno: *running towards Noelle* “Noelle! Please take me back! I love you!”
Noelle: *running away* “Ewww!!! Leave me alone!”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(meanwhile, back at loser land, hojo is going through all the crap hojo has in his lab while scarlet and kuja watch)
Hojo: “Ugh, I think I’ve seen more naked men then I ever wanted to.”
Scarlet: “And what about that stuff with the—“
Everyone: *shudders*
Kuja: “Don’t even mention that ever again!”
Hojo: “Does this guy actually do any kind of science?”
Scarlet: “Hey, what’s that?”
(they open a cabinet, but it’s full of videos)
Kuja: “That’s the fifth one like that!”
Scarlet: “We could have him arrested.”
Hojo: “Probably. But right now I’m too busy trying to find the –ah ha! Here we go!”
(he removes several potions from a shelf and hands them to kuja)
Hojo: “Here, Shell. You’re the only one who can get into the ramble room without raising any suspicion. Give out the potions, and then come back here. I have a great idea that’ll really mess with them.”
Scarlet: “It’s payback time! Payback for having to take medicine where no one ever should!”
Kuja: *tucking potions safely away* “Don’t worry. I’m on it.”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(the next morning, we’re back in loser land. Everyone is back in their own bodies. Only they don’t know it yet. Hojo is in bed, he rolls over sleepily)
Hojo: “Good morning, my sweet Vin—“ *eyes widen* “You’re not Vincent!”
Heidegger: *next to him* “Gya haa haa! Good morning!”
Hojo: *looks down at himself* “Good morning?! How am I back to myself?!”
(suddenly he hears two screams from down the hall. He runs in to find kuja and seymour both facing each other in kuja’s room)
Kuja: “Who said you could sleep in my bed!”
Seymour: “Ugh, I went with falling asleep next to the most beautiful man in the world to the ugliest!”
Kuja: “You were a dog! And you should have stayed that way!”
Hojo: “So you two are back to yourselves as well?!”
Seymour: “Seems to be.” *sigh* “I wonder if I’ll ever get to see that face again…”
Kuja: *sigh* “I’ll miss Rude. He was much cuter, but just as giving. Shell is a lucky girl.”
(they then all hear screams coming from another room. They all run in to see nida and scarlet staring at one another in shock)
Scarlet: “You’re not Irvine!”
Nida: “You whore! We’re back in our own bodies! My whole Squall plan is ruined!”
Scarlet: “Dammit! Now I’m back to taking those medications! Who gave them the antidote?”
Hojo: “They couldn’t have found it alone! Not with all the porn in there!”
Nida: “Why did you make one to begin with?!?!”
Hojo: “I can’t help it!”
Kefka: *out of nowhere* “Back to tea! Hehehehehehe!”
Kuja: “Then how on earth did they find it?”
(everyone looks confused for a moment. Then one by one they all look at heidegger)
Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! It’s always me!”
Hojo: “You fool! You ruined my brilliant plan because you had to go back for your stupid skunk!”
Kuja: “I actually had a *handsome* man at my disposal!”
Hojo: “I was making out with Vincent!”
Nida: “I had easy access to killing Squall!”
Seymour: “I had a beautiful man petting me!”
Scarlet: “I was STD free!”
Kefka: “Hehehe! Muffins!”
Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! Forgive and forget!”
(but no, they all jump on him and start to attack him instead. Meanwhile, in the background, red, back in his body, gets off the floor)
Red: “I’ll let myself out.”
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
(meanwhile, back in the ramble room area, red comes walking back. Barret and cid come over)
Barret: “Yo, cat/fat! Me n’ Cid gotta whole car full of dat there cat food!”
Cid: “$@%#W$^#$%&^#*%@$!”
Red: “Let me alone. I don’t want your pet food.” *goes inside*
Cid: “#$%@$@!#$@?”
Barret: *confused* “That there mongoose don’t make no sense! Now what we gonna do with all that there cat food?!”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(meanwhile, inside, Noelle sneaks into reno’s room, where he’s asleep. She climbs into bed with him)
Noelle: “Oh, Reno-chan…”
Reno: *stirs* “…Huh?” *sees Noelle* “Noelle? What are you doing here?”
Noelle: “What do you mean? I’m you’re girlfriend, right?”
Reno: “Uh…you broke up with me yesterday.”
Noelle: “I did WHAT?! I’m gonna kill Nida!”
Reno: “Huh?”
Noelle: “Sweetie… I got a lot of explaining to do…”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(meanwhile in irvine’s room, Ashley slowly wakes up)
Ashley: *eyes still closed* “Ah… Finally back in my own—“
(opens her eyes to see cowboy stuff on the walls)
Ashley: “What the…” *sees a naked irvine next to her* “That freakin’ skank!”
Irvine: *waking up with a smile* “Hey there, beautiful. Wanna another ride on the ol’ Irvine express?”
Ashley: *thinks* Hmm… *says* “No! No! Uh, Irvine, I’ve got some bad news for you.”
Irvine: “What?”
Ashley: “Um…Hojo gave me and some of the others a potion that made us switch bodies with them. So…while that was my body yesterday, you weren’t really having sex with me. It was…Scarlet.”
(irvines face quickly goes to deathly pale. Then he jumps out of bed and runs into the bathroom)
Irvine: “I’ll never be clean!”
Ashley: *sigh* “I better get back to Seifer.”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(meanwhile, in rude and shell’s room, shell gets up and pounces on rude)
Shell: “Rude! I’m back! Did you miss me?”
Rude: *blink blink* “Where’d you go, Shell?”
Shell: *hits him* “Rude! That wasn’t me yesterday! Hojo gave us a potion that switched us with the losers! That wasn’t me – that was Kuja! You didn’t notice?”
Rude: “…No.”
Shell: *thinks a moment* “Actually, it’s all starting to make sense.”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(and finally we go to vincent and sephiroth’s room, where Brady is asleep in bed with vincent….Brady wakes up slowly)
Brady: *mumbles* “Yay, I’m back.” *sees vincent next to him* “What the—“
(he sits up fast and sees sephiroth grinning evilly and staring at him)
Sephiroth: “Morning, sunshine. I have all the evidence to prove you’re a cheating loser.”
(hands him the pictures of him making out with vincent)
Brady: *disgusted* “Ugh!!! Gross! I can’t believe this is what Hojo did with my body!”
Vincent: *sitting up alertly* “…Pardon?”
Brady: *to seph* “This wasn’t me, you idiot!” *shoves pictures back at him* “Hojo gave me and a bunch of the ramble girls a potion that switched our bodies for the day! That was Hojo making out with Vincent in my body! Not me!”
Sephiroth: *goes pale* “Oh boy.”
Brady: “I gotta go explain to Lark what happened.”
(he gets up and leaves. Vincent is glaring at sephiroth very, very angrily)
Vincent: “Sephiroth… I *told* you something wasn’t right with him.”
Sephiroth: *sweat drops* “Hehehe, Vincent sweetie, you call me angel, remember?”
Vincent: “You had me making out with Hojo! HOJO!”
Sephiroth: “Hey, in my defense—“
(but he just bolts from the room and goes down the hallway, where zidane runs into Brady.)
Zidane: “Hey, Brady! Wanna go at it again?”
Brady: “That was Hojo!”
Zidane: “What the…ugh! Oh my god! Are you serious? I’m gonna be sick!”
Sephiroth: “I knew it was too good to be true!”
Tseng: “Hey, Brady. How you feeling? And what’s wrong with Zidane?”
Zidane and Brady: “It was Hojo!”
Tseng: “Oh god! I should have known better! You said he was sick!”
Sephiroth: “Well in a way, wasn’t he?”
(vincent comes and joins him, the pictures in hand)
Vincent: “You better destroy these. Now.”
Sephiroth: *takes them* “Damn that Hojo! When I get my hands on him—“
(then lark comes by)
Lark: “Hey, guys.” *sees the pics in seph’s hands* “Hey, what are those?”
Sephiroth: *trying to hide them* “Uh, nothing!”
(but it’s too late. Lark sees the pictures and takes them, looking at them all)
Lark: *blink blink* “Wow.” *looks at Brady* “The things you will do for me.”
Brady: *sweat drops* “Uh…sweetie, we kinda need to talk.”
Sephiroth: “I told you she would like them!”
Brady and Vincent: “Shut up!”
THE END
The Rambles Live! 