#117 – I STILL Hate St. Patrick’s Day!

Sephiroth: “What’s happening to us? Is there never any drama anymore? Must it all be drinking and sex and stupidity?”

Originally Published: 3/15/02 . 25 pages

Synopsis
It’s another St. Patrick’s Day in the ramble room! Some things don’t change much in a year, but other things do – big time!

Ramble Milestones
-First mention of Sex Day.

Despite the simplicity, this ramble is still pretty damn funny.

(it’s st. patricks day in the ramble room once again. of course, who there so early in the morning boozing it up? why irvine and reno, of course!)

Irvine: “Hey, Reno.”

Reno: “What, man?”

Irvine: “Know what sucks?”

Reno: “That you still ain’t old enough to buy booze?”

Irvine: “Besides that.”

Reno: “Well I’m outta ideas.”

Irvine: “That St. Patrick’s day only comes once a year.”

Reno: “Yeah! That sucks! It should come four times a year like Sex Day.”

Irvine: “Um…there’s no such thing as Sex Day, man. You made that up.”

Reno: “Noelle don’t know that.”

(they grin and clink their glasses together. then enters rufus, algus, zidane, edgar, setzer, tseng, reeve and bryatt.)

Tseng: “See, Rufus. I told you it was St. Patrick’s day.”

Reeve: “And you promised to give us St. Patrick’s day off.”

Rufus: “But these two sit around drinking every morning!”

Reno: “Not drinking green tinted booze!”

Irvine: “Yeah!” *pause* “Hey… What is that green stuff anyway?”

Reno: “I dunno. Grass?”

Rufus: *sigh* “Fine. You can have this stupid, worthless holiday off.”

Reno: “Hey! Don’t be insulting the best holiday ever!”

Rufus: “It is *not* the best holiday! Even Sex Day has more of a purpose!”

Bryatt: “Whoa–wait. What’s that?”

Reeve: “Reno made that day up.”

Tseng: “That doesn’t stop you from celebrating it.”

Reeve: “Heh.” *sweat drop*

Zidane: “Algus, since everyone else has today off, I want today off too.”

Algus: “No.”

Zidane: “Aw, come on, Algus! Don’t be the most heartless guy in the world for a day!”

Algus: “If I let you have today off, you’re just going to spend it drinking.”

Zidane: “…Your point being?”

Algus: “I don’t want you too drunk to perform.”

Zidane: “Aw, come on! Have I ever drank so much that I had a problem getting up?”

Everyone: “……”

Setzer: “Uh…that sounded really gay.”

Algus: “Nonsense. We’re not gay any more than you and Edgar are.”

Edgar and Setzer: “WHAT?!” *pause* “…Oh… You meant it…”

Edgar: “As in we’re *not* gay.”

Setzer: “Which we aren’t. Gay that is.”

Bryatt: *snort*

Reno: “…Anyway, who wants booze?”

Rufus: “It’s nine o’clock in the morning!”

Irvine: “It is! I thought it was six o’clock!”

Reno: “No, man. Your watch is on upside down.”

Irvine: “Oh… My bad.”

(the door opens again, and this time lark comes in with zell, Noelle, seph, vincent and auron.)

Zell: “Hey, guys! Sup? Happy St. Patty’s day!”

Reno: “Yeah! That’s the spirit! Want some booze?”

Zell: “Uh, actually I just wanted a glass of milk.”

Irvine: “With booze?”

Zell: “No.”

Reno: “You guys are no fun! You’re supposed to do everything with booze on St. Patrick’s day! Drink with booze, eat with booze, watch TV with booze–“

Sephiroth: “Pass out from booze.”

Reno: “That’s the St. Patty’s day spirit!”

Noelle: “Reno, if you get too drunk I’m not hauling your ass into bed.”

Reno: “What if *you* get too drunk, sexy?”

Noelle: “Uh… …Shut up.”

Vincent: “I’ve never found this holiday of much interest.”

Auron: “It’s all about the spirit of the Irish in everyone.”

Vincent: “Around here it just seems to be about alcohol.”

Auron: “It seems to me that most things just seem to be about alcohol around here.”

Vincent: “True. That’s why I never got into it.”

Sephiroth: “Now come on, Vincent. That’s what you said about Sex Day, and you got into that.”

Auron: “Pardon me?”

Bryatt: “Okay, *when* is this holiday next being celebrated?”

Reno: “Someone must want some booze! Come on, Seph! Have a bottle! It’s your favorite holiday!”

Sephiroth: *darkly* “No it isn’t.”

Lark: *giggles*

Sephiroth: “Shut up, woman.”

Lark: “Aw, come on, Sephy-sama. Aren’t you filled with happy memories of the day we finally hooked up?”

Sephiroth: “Are you?”

Lark: “Kinda.”

Sephiroth: “Well I’m not.”

Reno: “Hey, you guys? Guess what?!”

Rufus: “You’re drunk?”

Reno: “Not yet. Today Irvine and I are gonna have another spectacular St.  Patrick’s’ day parade!”

Reeve: “Oh crap. Didn’t we vow to hide last year?”

Tseng: “I think we did.”

Irvine: “This year, Reno and I are letting other people march with us!”

Zell: “Cool! Count me in!”

Reno: “Kick ass, Zell!”

Zell: *puts up hand* “Can I have a high five!?!?”

Reno: “…No.”

Zell: *hangs head* “Damn.”

Reno: “Come on! Who else wants in!? Unlike the real St. Patrick’s day parade, we let gays march in ours!”

Tseng: “Uh…thanks, Reno. But parade marching isn’t really my thing.”

Reno: “Bryatt?”

Bryatt: “Thanks, Reno, but I’ll have to pass. I don’t think I’ll be nearly drunk enough for your liking.”

Reno: “Edgar? Setzer?”

Edgar: “What?”

Setzer: “We’re not gay!”

Reno: “…I know. I was just asking if you wanted to march.”

Setzer: “…Oh.”

Edgar: “Um…no thank you, Reno. We…have to get going now.”

Setzer: “Right.”

Edgar: “See you all later!” *they quickly leave*

Irvine: “…Okay then. SOMEONE must wanna march!”

Zell: “I do!”

Irvine: “Shut up, Zell.”

Zidane: “I’ll march!”

Algus: “I don’t think so.”

Zidane: “Aw, come on! You never let me do anything fun! Why don’t you just tie me up?!”

Algus: “Because you’d like it too much.”

Reno: “How about you, Rufus?”

Rufus: “The only time I’m in parades is when I’m riding in a very expensive car, thank you very much.”

Irvine: “Aw, man. This is gonna suck.”

Reno: “Sephiroth? Come on! Support your favorite holiday!”

Sephiroth: “It’s not my favorite holiday!”

Lark: “Hehe.”

Sephiroth: “Woman!”

Reno: “Well… Noelle will march! Right, sexy?”

Noelle: “I don’t really have a choice, do I?”

Reno: “Not if you want booze!”

Noelle: “…Fine.”

Irvine: “Cool!”

Zell: “This is gonna be rockin’!” *puts up hand* “High five!”

Irvine: “…No.”

Zell: “Oh…” *hangs head*

Reno: “I know, Irvine! Let’s go find Rude! He’ll join us!”

Irvine: “And if not, we can get Shell to make him join!”

(he, reno, Noelle and zell leave.)

Rufus: “Well I’m thoroughly bored. Let’s go get my copy of the Wall Street Journal and read aloud our favorite parts to one another.”

Algus: “Sounds like fun. Agreed. Come, slave.”

Zidane: *groans* “Oh, come on! I always get stuck watching you two do that! It’s the most boring thing in the world!”

Rufus: “Afterwards we’ll make tea and discuss the stock market.”

Algus: “Excellent.”

Zidane: “Oh god, kill me! Kill me!”

Algus: *dragging zidane* “Come, slave. We need you to make the tea.”

(the three of them leave.)

Lark: “That’s not worth any amount of Skittles.”

Sephiroth: “All right. I can’t stand the smell of alcohol so early in the morning. Who’s up for hunting?”

Everyone: “….”

Sephiroth: “…Wrong crowd to suggest that in.”

Vincent: “Angel,  you promised to help me finish building my dollhouse today.”

Sephiroth: “Shush!! Vincent!! Not in front of Auroran!”

Auron: “I think that’s a very interesting hobby.”

Sephiroth: “Shut up! No you don’t!”

Vincent: “Angel, you can’t tell him what to think.”

Sephiroth: “Shut up, Vincent! I can if I want to!”

Lark: “Seph, leave Vincent alone. A dollhouse, huh? That’s cute. I wanna help too.”

Sephiroth: *runs a hand over his face* “Oh, geez. Next thing you know we’ll be making finger sandwiches and painting each other’s nails!”

Lark: “Ew, Seph! I heard that! Give me a little credit!”

Vincent: “I don’t have enough nails to make that worthwhile.”

Auron: “There’s nothing wrong with good fingernail hygiene.”

Sephiroth: “All right! Shut up! If we’re going to go work on this lame dollhouse, let’s go.”

Tseng: “So I guess the train is pulling out of the station, huh?”

Sephiroth: “Shut up, Tseng!”

Lark: “Everyone please have your tickets handy.”

Sephiroth: “You’re making it no better, woman!”

(so seph, vin, auron and lark leave. that leaves bryatt, tseng and reeve in the ramble room.)

Bryatt: “And then there were three.”

Reeve: *rubs chin thoughtfully* “I wonder if they’re building that dollhouse with traditional Victorian architecture…”

Tseng: “Reeve.”

Reeve: “Huh?” *blink* “Oh, sorry. I was just wondering if they went with Italian or—“

Tseng: “Reeve. Do you want to go build the dollhouse, or do you want to stay here with me?”

Reeve: “…Stay here with you.”

Tseng: “Okay then.”

(pause)

Bryatt: “Can I speak now, or does Reeve want to talk about Gothic style?”

Reeve: “Ooh! Did you know–“

Tseng: “Reeve!”

Reeve: “Okay…now’s not the time…”

Bryatt: “Anyway, what’s the deal with Setzer and Edgar? Why are they so pathetically trying to cover up their relationship?”

Tseng: “I know. It’s so obvious, isn’t it?”

Reeve: “That kind of thing amazes me.”

Bryatt: “And why does it seem to me that we’re the only ones who realize this?”

Tseng: “I’ve come to the conclusion that everyone else is just too involved with themselves.”

Reeve: “I second that.”

Bryatt: *mischievous grin* “I think I have a fun little idea.”

Tseng: “This fun little plan doesn’t involve me acting like a skank, doesn’t it?”

Bryatt: “No, honey. It involves *me* acting like a skank. Besides, with you, acting isn’t necessary.”

Tseng: “Ha ha. Hysterical as always, Bry.”

Bryatt: *nudges him* “I kid ’cause I love. Now you wanna hear it?”

Tseng: “I’m all ears.”

Bryatt: “It’s quite simple, really. I’ll just come onto Setzer and get him to admit that he and Edgar are together.”

Reeve: “You’re gonna cheat on Rory!?”

Bryatt: “Of course not!” *pause* “As tempted as I am, because they are both simply *gorgeous*.”

Tseng: “I don’t know, Bryatt. After you get him to basically admit everything, you just gonna dump him?”

Bryatt: “Nonsense. What kind of tease do you take me for, Tseng? I plan to bask in the satisfaction that we are the only three people who know.”

Tseng: “All right. Whatever kills a few hours.”

Reeve: “You know… Instead of doing this, we could be getting paid by Rufus to just sit around and do nothing.”

Tseng: “I know. Isn’t this so much more fun?”

…………..?……………………………………………………………………………

(meanwhile, reno, irvine, Noelle and zell go off to find rude. they find him coming back into the ramble room with shell.)

Shell: “I love my new St. Patrick’s day present, Rude.”

Rude: “I’m still paying off that bracelet I got you last year, Shell.”

Shell: “The what? …Oh. Right. That bracelet. Well, this one is much nicer than that one.”

Rude: “Whatever you say, Shell.”

Shell: “Well, I’ll see you later, Rude. I have to find an outfit that better matches the bracelet. If I don’t have anything we’ll have to go out again.”

Rude: “Yes, Shell.”

(shell leaves.)

Reno: “Hey! Rude, man!”

Rude: “Oh. Hi.”

Reno: “Happy St. Patrick’s day!”

Rude: “Not really, man. Shell’s new bracelet cost me so much that I’m gonna have to put off buying my new shoes.”

Reno: “Your shoes are held together with duct tape, man.”

Rude: “I know, man. Sucks.”

Irvine: “We’re having our own parade! You gotta join us!”

Zell: “I’m marching too!” *puts hand up* “High five!”

Irvine: “Stop it, Zell.”

Noelle: “Shut up, Zell!”

Rude: “That parade blew last year, man.”

Reno: “No way, man! We thinkin’ of the same thing? Irvine and I totally rocked!”

Irvine: “Yeah! Whoo hoo! Go St. Patrick’s day!”

Reno: “Come on, Rude man. You gotta join in!”

Zell: “Yeah! Where’s your spirit, man?”

Noelle: “Just give in, Rude, before they get drunk and drag you along.”

Rude: *sigh* “Fine.”

Reno: “Yeah!” *pats him on the back* “You rock, man! Now let’s go find an audience!”

Noelle: “…This is the hard part.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………

(meanwhile, back to seph and vin’s room where sephiroth is hammering the dollhouse together while auron and vin watch. lark is admiring the little victorian style dollhouse furniture.)

Lark: “Hehe! This stuff is so cute! Don’t you wish you could just shrink down and hang out in the house?”

Sephiroth: “No. But I do wish I could shrink down and run the hell away from you people.” *stops and wipes forehead* “Vincent, I’m tired. Get your wanna be boyfriend to keep doing this. The real one wants a break.”

Auron: “I would be happy to.”

Sephiroth: “Yeah….rub it in.”

(he and auron switch places. auron starts to put the house back together. seph sits down next to vincent, pouting.)

Sephiroth: *whines* “Vincent, I think your dollhouse is giving me splinters.”

Vincent: “I told you to wear the gloves, angel.”

Sephiroth: “Gloves are for girls.” *pause* “And come to think of it, so are dollhouses!”

Auron: “It’s an interesting hobby.”

Sephiroth: “No it isn’t! Shut up, Auroran! Stop trying to get Vincent to like you!”

Lark: “Sephy, why don’t you help me arrange the furniture and plan how it should go in the house?”

Sephiroth: “Why don’t I just kill myself now?”

Vincent: “Angel, you should try and be a bit more upbeat. It’s your favorite holiday.”

Sephiroth: “No it’s not!” *sigh* “This sucks. Last St. Patrick’s day I was having lots of sex!”

Lark: “Yeah. Go and remind me.”

Sephiroth: “Now I’m sitting here making a freakin’ dollhouse!”

Vincent: “Well not every holiday can be like Sex Day, angel.”

Sephiroth: *scowls* “Fine. I’m thirsty. I’m gonna go get some beer. Anyone else want anything? Some fresh blood perhaps, Vincent?”

Vincent: “Not funny, angel.”

Auron: “You really should be nicer to him, Sephiroth.”

Sephiroth: “Don’t tell me what to do, Auroran.”

Lark: “Um, I’ll come with you, Seph.”

(and so lark and seph leave the room. she hurries to keep up as they return to the–empty–ramble room)

Lark:  “Seph! What is up with you? You’re being more of a jerk than usual!”

(seph goes over to the kitchen, takes out a beer and chugs the whole thing down. he then slams it on the counter, scowling.)

Sephiroth: “It’s Auron. I hate him. He’s trying to steal Vincent.”

Lark: “He is not.”

Sephiroth: “It may not seem like he is, because he’s rather sneaky about it. He doesn’t show it when anyone else is around. But whenever the three of us are alone, as soon as I turn my back he’s all over him with the compliments. ‘Oh, Vincent your hair looks extra conditioned today’. ‘That cape looks new. Where’d you get it?’ ‘Oh, Vincent your claw looks extra shiny today. Is that a new polish!?”

Lark: “Okay! Calm down! You know Vincent only has eyes for you.”

Sephiroth: “Yeah, but Auron is always agreeing with him and I treat Vincent like crap.”

Lark: “Well stop!”

Sephiroth: “Don’t try to change me, baby.”

Lark: “Ugh. I can’t believe I ever went out with you.”

Sephiroth: “Hey, you were all over me a year ago.”

Lark: “More like you were all over me.”

Sephiroth: “No way! Who started the whole sex thing?”

Lark: “You did.”

Sephiroth: “…Okay, fine. But who started–“

Lark: “You.”

Sephiroth: “…All right. But what about–“

Lark: “Still you.”

Sephiroth: “Dammit.”

Lark: *smug smile*

Sephiroth: “Yeah, we’ll see whose smiling when she breaks her vow.”

Lark: “That’s not going to happen.”

Sephiroth: “We’ll see about that. Just wait till the next Sex Day.”

Lark: “Oh please! Reno made that up!”

Sephiroth: Exactly. It could pop up at any time.”

(they both start laughing)

Lark: “You are a piece of work.”

Sephiroth: “That’s why you love me.”

Lark: “I seem to like being around people who don’t shut up–guess that’s why I love Bryatt so much.”

Sephiroth: “Yeah, what’s that like? Does he snore or kick you in your sleep?”

Lark: “*No*. He stays on his side of the bed, unlike *someone* I know.” *gives him a knowing look*

Sephiroth: “…So I like to hold someone while I sleep. Big deal! So does Vincent!”

Lark: “That is why you two are together, and *we* are not.” *pause* “You done venting now?”

Sephiroth: “Yeah… I guess this means we have to go back to dollhouse land?”

Lark: “Grab a beer and let’s go.”

(he does, and they head back to the room.)

………………………………………………………………………………………….

(meanwhile, back to bry and the newlyweds…they’re prowling the hallway outside of edgar and setzer’s rooms…)

Bryatt: *pressing his ear to edgar’s door* “I don’t hear anything.”

Reeve: “What do you expect to hear?”

Bryatt: “Well, if they’re anything like you two…”

Tseng: *hits himself in the forehead* “I am such a skank.”

Bryatt: *trots down and presses his ear to setzer’s door* “Ah ha. Here we go.”

Reeve: *hurrying over* “Ooh, I wanna hear.”

Bryatt: “They’re just talking, tiger.”

Reeve: “Uh…yeah… Well, I assumed that. What did you *think* I thought you meant?”

Tseng: “Honey, leave the acting for Edgar and Setzer.” *goes over* “What are they talking about?”

Bryatt: *squints as he struggles to hear better* “Uh…  Something about…” *gasp* “They’re fighting.”

Tseng: “About what?”

Reeve: *loudly* “Ohmygod, Setzer just mentioned his *wedding ring*! Honey, they must be married!”

Tseng: “Shush! Reeve, they’ll hear you spying!”

Reeve: “Don’t tell me how to spy! I invented spying!”

Tseng: “How did you invent spying?”

Reeve: “…Spying with robots.”

Tseng: “Oh please. You didn’t even build that thing. And they found you out!”

Reeve: “Yeah, well…I still did it!”

Bryatt: “Shush, you guys! Someone’s coming!! Go!”

Tseng: “Wait!” *gives bryatt a lollipop* “Use this.”

Bryatt: “Ah, genius. You’re the King of skankiness, Tseng.”

Tseng: “I know. Instead of a golden scepter I have a black leather–“

Bryatt: *pushing him* “Go!”

(just as tseng scurries off, the door opens and setzer emerges, looking sour. bryatt whistles innocently, like he’d just been walking down the hall)

Bryatt: “Oh. Hey there, Setzer.”

Setzer: “Hello, Bryatt.”

Bryatt: *slipping the lollipop in his mouth* “Something wrong?”

Setzer: *shrugs* “Not really. Just…Edgar. He’s being a snot again.”

Bryatt: “I see. What about?”

Setzer: *sighs* “Just…stuff.” *he looks up and takes notice of what bryatt’s doing* “That a…lollipop?”

Bryatt: *grinning* “Yup. Cherry.”

Setzer: “Ah.” *observes longingly* “It looks good.”

Bryatt: “Oh, it is.” *steps towards setzer* “So, *Setzer*… How long have you and Edgar been *friends*?”

Setzer: *watching* “Oh…about…seven…years.”

Bryatt: *steps closer* “You guys fight a lot?”

Setzer: *watching intently* “Not really… But you know…sometimes…”

Bryatt: *steps closer* “Uh huh. And how long you two been married?”

Setzer: *still watching intently* “About two years…”

Bryatt: *bites the lollipop in half*

Setzer: *jerks out of his trance* “Huh?”

Bryatt: “I knew it! Not only are the two of you gay, you’re married too!”

Setzer: *hits himself in the forehead* “Oh crap. Edgar’s gonna kill me!”

Bryatt: “What’s with you two? What’s with the bad acting job?”

Setzer: *sighs* “It’s Edgar. He likes to keep it a secret so he can keep up his ‘lady killer’ image. He’s never slept with a woman in his life!”

Bryatt: “And you put up with that?”

Setzer: *shrugs*  “Well, you know… I don’t mind. But look, you can’t tell anybody you know–not even Edgar. He’d throw a fit.”

Bryatt: “Tseng and Reeve already know.”

Setzer: “Damn. So does Lark. And Lulu. Soon everyone will know, and Edgar’ll be so mad…”

Bryatt: “Well, look. I won’t tell anyone else–it’s not my business. I’d try to talk some sense into my husband, if I were you.”

Setzer: *laughs* “Easier said than done!”

(they chuckle. then the door behind setzer opens up and edgar pokes his head out)

Edgar: “Setzer–oh. Hello.”

Bryatt: “Hey.”

Edgar: *awkwardly* “Uh… Setzer. I just thought I’d apologize.”

Setzer: “Good.”

Edgar: “I was a bit too harsh, and for that I’m sorry.”

Setzer: “As you should be.”

Edgar: *hesitates* “…Would you like to come inside and let me make it up to you?”

Setzer: “….I suppose so.”

Edgar: “…Good.” *he glances back at bryatt before going back in*

Setzer: “Well, looks as though I’ve been summoned.” *winks* “Later, Bryatt.”

Bryatt: *chuckles* “Bye, Setzer.”

(setzer goes inside, and bryatt goes running back to reeve and tseng’s room)

Bryatt: “Hey, you guys! Guess what?” *opens the door* “Ack!!”

Reeve and Tseng: “Ack!! Bryatt!!”

Tseng: “Don’t you knock!?”

Bryatt: “Don’t you ever take a break?”

Reeve: “We got bored!”

Bryatt: “Geez! I can only imagine what you guys do on Sex Day!”

…………………………………………………………………………………………

(meanwhile…a long time later, the parade people are in the ramble room, drinking. seifer and Ashley enter.)

Ashley: “Happy St. Patrick’s day everyone!”

Irvine: “Damn straight!” *lifts glass and nearly falls off his stool*

Reno: “Where you guys been? You missed the parade!”

Seifer: “We went out to a *real* pub.”

Noelle: “It’s 3 in the afternoon. Why’d you come back?”

Ashley: “Cause Seifer got us kicked out!”

Seifer: “I didn’t know Ireland was a real country!”

Zell: “Geez! You’re such an idiot!”

Seifer: “I am not! Shut up, chicken wuss!”

Ashley: “So much for that idea.”

Seifer: “How many bars is that I’m banned from, Ashley?”

Ashley: “Eleven, Seifer.”

Noelle: “Geez. Can’t you take him anywhere anymore?”

Ashley: “No. He’s like a rambunctious puppy.”

Zell: “An ugly puppy!” *laughs*

Seifer: “Shut up, chicken wuss!”

Reno: “Well don’t worry, you two! You’re always welcome at Reno’s bar!”

Irvine: “Hey, Reno? Wouldn’t it be cool if you had a *real* bar?”

Reno: “Yeah, man. That would rock. But what am I, Rufus? I have no money.”

(speak of the devil, rufus enters with algus and zidane, who looks drained and is dragging his feet.)

Rufus: “Just wait until I get—er… I mean I steal Reeve’s new edition of ‘Dictator Weekly’. *That’s* a good read.”

Algus: “I can’t wait.”

Irvine: “Hey, Rufus man. Can Reno have money to start a bar?”

Rufus: “No.”

Irvine: “Can I?”

Rufus: “No! You’re not even legally allowed to drink!”

Irvine: “Uh…can Rude?”

Rufus: “Rude owes me a ton of money as it is!”

Rude: *hangs head* “I’m in debt till I die.”

Zidane: “Can I have some money to buy food with?”

Algus: “Silence, slave. I gave you your daily rations.”

Zidane: “It was a piece of bread!”

Algus: “And when you choose to behave, you’ll receive more.”

Rufus: “Aren’t you drunks done drinking yet?”

Reno: “Done?! It’s only three in the afternoon!”

Zell: “You should have seen the parade, Rufus! We had a big turnout!”

Rufus: “Oh yeah? Who watched?”

Zell: “Uh…well…there were a bunch of trees around…”

Irvine: “That one cat seemed pretty interested…”

Rufus: “You guys are pathetic.”

(the door opens and vincent, auron, seph and lark come back in)

Irvine: “Hey, Seph! How’s the dollhouse?!” *snicker*

Sephiroth: “Shut up, cowboy geek.”

Vincent: “It’s fully assembled. Now all it needs is a good coat of paint.”

Auron: “What color were you thinking?”

Vincent: “I was considering red.”

Auron: “Red is a lovely color. Just like your eyes.”

Sephiroth: “I heard that!” *nudges lark* “See??”

Lark: *sigh* “Yes, Sephiroth. I see.”

Sephiroth: “This St. Patrick’s day is boring. What happened to the drama of last year?”

Lark: “It got left in last year.”

Zidane: “I could do something dramatic like beat up Algus.”

Algus: “I think it’s in your best interest that I pretend you never said that.”

Zidane: *hangs head* “Sorry, master.”

Sephiroth: “What’s happening to us? Is there never any drama anymore? Must it all be drinking and sex and stupidity?”

Irvine: “Sounds good to me!!” *drunkenly falls off his stool and lays still*

Algus: “Pity. Is he dead?”

Reno: “Nah. Just needs to sober up a little.” *gets down and smacks him* “C’mon, man.”

Irvine: “Reno… I think I hit my head on something.”

Reno: “Someday you’ll be able to hold your liquor like me, man.”

Irvine: “Soon?”

Reno: “You keep drinking like that and you’ll be downing bottles of hard liquor without batting an eye.”

(the door opens and bryatt, tseng and reeve enter)

Bryatt: “Hey, guys! What’s going on?”

Lark: “Hi, Bryatt. Not much.”

Noelle: “Bryatt! Come drink with me!”

Bryatt: “The only thing I say yes faster to than a drink with a beautiful lady is a drink with a beautiful man.”

Reno: “Yeah! Beer for everyone! I didn’t buy a whole truck’s worth for nothing!”

Rufus: “You bought a whole truck’s worth?”

Reno: “Yeah!”

Rufus: “With what money??”

Reno: “Um, you remember how I know your ATM code?”

Rufus: “Aw, dammit!”

Reno: “Consider it another party well paid for!”

Rufus: “And you consider yourself fired for an hour!”

Zell: “Aw, come on, Rufus! Give him a break! What would St. Patrick’s day be like without beer?”

Reno: “That’s the smartest thing I’ve ever heard coming out of Zell’s mouth!”

Zell: “Thanks, Reno!” *puts hand up* “High five?”

Reno: “Still no.”

Zell: “Damn!”

Irvine: “I know! Let’s have a toast!”

Seifer: “Haven’t you had enough for awhile?”

Irvine: “Naw, I’m good.” *raises glass* “To palm trees!”

Reno: *chuckles* “Oh, man. You are so drunk.” *raises glass* “To playing cards!”

Zell: *joining in* “To bunny rabbits!”

Noelle: “To poodle skirts!”

Rude: “To pennies.”

Sephiroth: “To storm clouds!”

Reeve: “To push pins!”

Tseng: “To lollipops!”

Vincent: “To picture frames!”

Lark: “To showtunes!”

Auron: “To pencil sharpeners!”

Zidane: “To cement!”

Algus: “To chocolate chips.”

Bryatt: “To stars!”

Ashley: “To glitter!”

Seifer: “To remote controls!”

Everyone: “……” *look at rufus*

Rufus: *frowns* “Oh, fine. To crayons!”

Everyone: “Hooray!” *they all drink*

Lark: “Come on, Seph. This St. Patrick’s day wasn’t a total loss.”

Sephiroth: “It isn’t as long as I get drunk enough.”

Reno: “And don’t forget, you guys! The next Sex Day is coming up soon!”

Bryatt: *mutters* “I know a few people celebrating a bit early.”

Reeve and Tseng: *sweat drops*

Noelle: “Reno, I thought the next one didn’t come till May.”

Reno: “No, not this year, babe. Cause of…uh…the planets and all.”

Noelle: “What planets?”

Reno: “You know. The ones in the sky!”

Noelle: “And what exactly are the doing?”

Reno: “I dunno! Moving! What else do planets do?!”

Irvine: *drunkenly lifting his glass* “To planets!”

Sephiroth: *sigh* “I’m not getting drunk fast enough!”

Lark: *sigh* “Well, not every holiday can be an all out drama fest. I think today was fun.”

Reno: “Just wait till Sex Day.”

Lark: “Oh boy.”

THE END

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