#77 – Bows, Arrows and Black Materia

Irwhine: “Of course we did! We’re the good guys!”

Originally Published: 3/5/01 . 59 pages

Lark has a dream where Sephiroth is Rothin’ Hood, stealing from the rich and giving to the poor — rich being the evil prince Jofus! And he’s out to get Rothin’!

Ramble Milestones
Nothing this time.

I love this ramble. I can’t believe I almost gave up on it and threw it away. I remember asking a friend to read it, and they encouraged me to keep going. I absolutely love writing these parodies, and I really enjoy the story of Robin Hood. This version is based about 90% on the Disney animated classic, while the other 10% is based on Robin Hood: Men in Tights. (Mostly the stuff with Latrojo.) Having said all those good things – I hate the beginning of this one with the stupid commercial they recite. Rufus seems out of character and it’s just unnecessary. At the time I was really amused by that commercial, but that was no reason to shove it in a ramble. I’d love to take all that stuff out, but I’m not letting myself edit these that much. (Otherwise entire rambles would disappear.)

(lark is sitting in the tv room, her broken foot propped up on a pillow. she has a bell besides her, is covered in blankets and is talking on the phone.)

Lark: “Oh, I’m fine. Sephiroth is taking care of me…………….Hehe, I got a bell.       ……Yup! I have to say he’s a very attentive servant!… ..So how’s Bermuda? …………Oh, yeah, I’m sure.    …….Ooh, that sounds nice. ….Yeah. ……..Okay, well, I’ll let you go. Thanks for calling, Tsengy! Give Reeve a kiss for me!  …….You too. Bye, babe.” *hangs up and picks up her bell and rings it* “SEPHIROTH!!”

Sephiroth: *races in* “You rang?”

Lark: “I sure did. I’m *bored*.”

Sephiroth: “You want me to get Rufus and Zell to read you some more Shakespeare?”

Lark: “I still think they need to recover from reading Romeo and Juliet.” *laughs* “Why don’t you get me a movie or two?”

Sephiroth: “What should I get?”

Lark: “Surprise me.”

Sephiroth: “Your wish is my command.”

(he leaves the room and nearly runs smack into vincent)

Vincent: “Oh dear. I’m sorry, my angel.”

Sephiroth: “Where are you going?”

Vincent: “I was going to see Lark, of course. You seem to be tending to her every whim.”

Sephiroth: “Damn straight I am. Right now I’m getting her a movie.”

Vincent: “Oh, very well. I won’t detain you.”

(he goes into the tv room, and seph watches suspiciously for a minute before leaving)

Vincent: “Hello, Lark.”

Lark: “Heya, Vincent-chan! Sit down!!”

Vincent: *sits* “Thank you.”

Lark: “How are ya? Have I missed a lot of action?”

Vincent: “…What kind of action are you referring to?”

Lark: “Not *that* kind of action!! I mean has anything interesting happened in the ramble room since I’ve been banished to this couch?”

Vincent: “Not particularly. Zell glued his hand to the table and Seifer taunted him until he got it unstuck. That is basically the most exciting occurrence.”

Lark: “So basically same old stuff, huh?”

Vincent: “Precisely.”

(rufus and reno come into the room and hang over the back of the couch, looking down at lark)

Rufus: “Hi, Lark.”

Reno: “Heya, Lark.”

Lark: “Um……hi, Rufus…Reno.” *blinks* “What did you do?”

Rufus: “Nothing! We just wanted to see how you were doing!”

Reno: “Yup. That’s what we were doing. Seeing how *you* were doing.”

Lark: *crosses arms* “What did you do?”

(they exchange a look)

Rufus: “I would just like to say that my friend Reno here is an outstanding citizen, and he would never do anything that is bad. Such as stealing, for instance.”

Reno: “Oh, I would never steal.”

Rufus: “I would also like to add, that Zell is a big fat liar, and whatever he says, isn’t by any means true.”

Reno: “Not at all.”

Lark: “What did you do to Zell?”

(then zell comes running in)

Zell: “There you are, RENO! You stole all my hard earned SeeD money!”

Reno: “Hard earned my ass! You people get paid for doing nothing!”

Zell: *flips out* “That’s not true!”

Reno: “Besides, Rufus needed it more.”

Rufus: “Damn straight I do. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have money to count.” *runs out*

Reno: “I gotta run too.” *runs out*

Zell: “HEY! WAIT!!! I WANT MY MONEY!” *follows*

Vincent: “…..Stealing from the poor to give to the rich. Now that is a new concept.”

Lark: “Is anything *ever* normal around here?”

(then reno, rufus and zell return, an unhappy irvine following)

Lark: “Back so soon?”

Rufus: “Zell said he’d forgive us if we let him in on our play.”

Irvine: “Yeah. I got booted out.” *frowns*

Reno: “Sorry, man.”

Lark: “Play? What play?”

Zell: “It’s so cool! They got it off tv!”

Rufus: “Want us to perform it for you?”

Lark: “Uh……sure.”

Reno: “Okay, here goes.”

(rufus sits down at one end of the room, reno sits at the other. zell stands behind the couch waiting for his entrance)

Reno: *using his hand as a phone* “Hello?”

Rufus: “What are you doing?!”

Reno: “What are *you* doing?!”

Rufus: “Just watching the market recap, drinking an import.”

Reno: “That is correct. That is CORRECT!”

Zell: *enters with a wave* “What are you *doing*?!”

Reno: “What are *you* doing?”

Rufus: “Hey, Brad! Who’s that?”

Reno: *to zell* “Hey, Chad. Pick up the cordless!”

Zell: *using hand as a phone* “Chad here.”

Rufus: “What are you doing?!”

Zell: “What are *you* doing?!”

Reno: “What are you doing?!”

(and their little play ends as the commercial does, with the noises that can’t *quite* be captured in words. vincent looks a bit scared, and lark is laughing her ass off)

Lark: “I *love* that commerical!”

Irvine: *pouts* “I wanted to be Chad!” *stomps out*

Reno: *following* “Hey, wait, man! We could do the one with the pencil! Rufus could be the girl!” *leaves*

Rufus: “I can not!” *leaves*

Zell: “Hey, guys, can we do the one with the ferret? I wanna be the ferret!” *leaves*

Vincent: “……What are you doing?”

Lark: *starts giggling like an idiot*

(meanwhile, in the ramble room……)


Reno: “Oh, stop throwing a baby fit about it.”

Irvine: “For your information, I’ve had a hard week.”

Rufus: “At least you weren’t married to and KISSED BY another guy!”

Zell: “You liked it.”

Rufus: *shudders*

Reno: “Fine, we’ll act out another commercial. ….Let’s think of one we know all the words to.”

All: “………………………………….”

Rufus: “……………….What sick, sad lives we lead.”

Reno: “Um, how about we pick a movie scene instead?”

Rufus: “Now you’re talking!”

(meanwhile……outside, we see cid, barret and red)

Cid: “#$%^#$%&%&@#^%^%^%&*#%@#$%$&#$^&$&#$^%#%^@^%&%&*$^*!!”

Barret: “Yo, dats what I said!”

Cid: “W$%$#^$^%%&^%&^$#^#%^#@^#$&%$&$&$^$#!!?”

Barret: “Yo, dats what I said!”

Cid: “$%^$^&%^&%^*^(^&$^^*%#$^%@#^E%^$#^#$&%?!?”

Barret: “Yo, dats what I said!”

Cid: “W$%#%#$%^$&@%#%^$%&$&%$&#$%^$^$^$^#$^#$^#%^@#$%#@$%@#$%@#$%!!!!”

Barret: “Yo, dat’s *so* what I said! We think alike, man. Right, Baa Baa Black Sheep?”

Red: *hand to his head* “I am never marrying again.”

(amy and jake walk out and head for his van)

Jake: “So, did anything interesting happen in Vegas?”

Katie: “Oh no, it was very boring.”

(Lizzie and laguna are walking inside)

Lizzie: “You know, Laguna, I’ve been thinking. I think there’s more to Kiros than meets the eye.”

Laguna: “Hey hey! What’s that mean? Should I get some 3D glasses?!”

Lizzie: *hits herself in the forehead* “Ugh, forget it.”

(back in the ramble room, lark and vincent are chatting, then rude comes in, dragging shell. they’re both laughing)

Lark: “What’s that noise?”

(rude and shell come in front of them)

Lark: *blinks* “Rude laughs?”

Rude: “Watch this.” *sits* “Do it again, Shell.”

Shell: “Okay. Hehe.” *composes herself and sings*

“You think you gotta keep me iced

You don’t

You think I’m gonna spend your cash

I won’t

Even if you were broke

My love don’t cost a thing

Think I wanna drive your Benz

I don’t

If I wanna floss I got my own

Even if you were broke

My love don’t cost a thing.” *dances in a circle*

Rude: *laughing so hard he’s crying* “That’s the funniest thing ever!”

Shell: “I knew you’d like it, Rude!”

Rude: “I’ve got more people to show. RENO!” *drags her out*

Lark: “……Rude laughed.”

Vincent: “That would be like me laughing.”

Lark: “Yeah, you don’t laugh too much.”

Vincent: “No, I do not.”

Lark: *wicked grin* “I bet I could get you to laugh.”

Vincent: *wide eyes*

Lark: *grins and starts to tickle him*

Vincent: *laughing* “Oh no! No! Don’t—hehehe! Stop it, Lark!”

(lark keeps tickling him, and soon he’s lying on his back on the couch, lark straddling him while she continues to tickle him. vincent’s crying with laughter as seph enters, two videos in hand. he stares unhappily at them and lark stops immediately and stares at seph)

Sephiroth: “……..Am I interrupting something?”

Lark: “I was just trying to make Vincent laugh.”

Sephiroth: “Well you can GET OFF HIM NOW!”

(she does with a grumble)

Vincent: *wiping his eyes* “What did you get, my angel?”

Sephiroth: *goes to the vcr* “Robin Hood the Disney version and Robin Hood: Men In Tights.”

Lark: “Ooh! I love those movies!”

Sephiroth: “You have to take your pain killer first, Lark.”

Lark: “Oh! But it makes me drowsy.”

Sephiroth: *hands her pills and a glass of water* “Take it.”

Lark: “Yes, daddy.” *takes it*

Vincent: “Now let’s all watch the movie.”

Sephiroth: “Yes, let’s.”

(he puts the tape on and sits on the couch wedging himself between lark and vincent)

Lark: “Ow……you’re squishing me!”

Sephiroth: “Then move over.”

Lark: “I was sitting next to Vincent.”

Sephiroth: “And now you’re not.”

Vincent: “That was rather rude of you, angel.”

Sephiroth: “Shove it, vampy. Time for movie.”

Lark: *mutters* “You’re so mean to Vincent.”

Sephiroth: “You shut it too, woman.”

Lark: “Grrrrrr……….”

(he turns it on and they start watching. lark is growing more and more tired, and eventually drifts off to sleep… ~~~~~ <—*ahem*, dream waves. if anyone used to watch roundhouse on nickelodeon way back when snick just got started, you should know what i’m talking about. *crickets chirp* okay, i feel old. okay, anyway, we see an old english country side, with a large castle. going inside, we see a guy who looks like reeve dressed as a king, sitting behind an expensive looking desk, drawing something)

King Reeverd: *concentrating* “And one line there…. And another there…. Ah ha!” *face lights up* “I have done it!” *holds up paper* “Midgar Town is born!!”

(then a scantily clad blonde woman who looks like scarlet snakes into the room and drapes herself over the king’s shoulders)

Miss Scarliss: “Oh, King Reeve~rd!”

King Reeverd: *sigh* “What is it, Miss Scarliss?”

Miss Scarliss: “As your aide, I’ve been thinking. The war in Wutai is getting very bad. Our forces are losing. SOLDIER just can’t cut it. They need your strong leadership right at the battlefront.”

King Reeverd: “Um, I’m actually more of an architect…”

Miss Scarliss: “Nonsense! You’re a leader! And thus, you should go to Wutai and lead your troops to victory!”

King Reeverd: “Have you discussed this with Aide Tseng?” *looks around* “Where is he, anyway? He’s usually hanging on my every word…”

Miss Scarliss: *sighs in annoyance* “I sent him away to do better things. The point is you have to go. *Now*.”

King Reeverd: “But who would rule the country in my absence?”

Miss Scarliss: “Not that I’ve been planning this for days and days, but your brother, Prince Jofus, could come from his castle and rule the country in your absence! And god forbid you should die, there wouldn’t be any problems!”

King Reeverd: “I don’t know about this…..”

Miss Scarliss: “You know, if we lose, we could lose every scrap of materia in the land.”

King Reeverd: “….*that* could be a problem.”

Miss Scarliss: “That’s why you should go!”

King Reeverd: “…….hm……..very well. I shall be off immediately. Let me just say good-bye to Aide Tseng first–“

Miss Scarliss: “Forget him! Just go! Leave! I’ll go to Prince Jofus’ castle and bring him here personally.”

King Reeverd: “Very well, Miss Scarliss. I will be back as soon as the war is over.” *leaves the room*

Miss Scarliss: “kya haa! Kya haa haa! KYA HAA HAA! KYA HAA–“

King Reeverd: *pokes his head in the room* “….Did you, um, say something?”

Miss Scarliss: *straightens up* “Um, no.”

(and so reeverd leaves for the war, and miss scarliss goes to prince jofus’ castle to pick him up and bring him to the king’s castle. meanwhile, we turn to the woods, where we see two figures in tunics and tights running frantically through the woods being chased by soldiers while a merry song plays in the background)

Merry Song: *singing* “‘Rothin Hood and Little Twohn running through the forest. Jumping fences, dodging trees and trying to get away. Contemplatin’ nothin’ but escapin’ finally makin’ it, oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally, golly what a day. Oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally, golly what a day.”

(‘rothin hood and twohn –pronunced twon– rest, out of breath, against some trees)

Twohn: *looks like twilight* “I hate that freakin’ song!”

‘Rothin Hood: *looks like ‘roth–er…sephiroth* “Yeah, it’s very annoying.”

Twohn: “Where are the rest of your gay Merry Men?”

‘Rothin Hood: “They’re not gay just because….the name of the group is.”

Twohn: “See my point?”

‘Rothin Hood: “Shut up. It’s too late for me to mess with the classics now.”

(then three other guys run up in tunics and tights. they look like zidane, zell and irvine)

Twohn: “There those losers are.”

‘Rothin Hood: “Insane! Smell! Irwhine! Where have you been?”

Insane: *looks like zidane* “Sorry, ‘Rothin Hood! We didn’t want to be chased by those soldiers!”

Smell: *looks like zell* “Yo, they had pointy sticks.”

Irwhine: *looks like irvine* “Those are spears, you idiot.”

Smell: “Whatever, man!”

‘Rothin Hood: “Those stupid spears are nothing up against my awesome bow and arrow!!”

Twohn: *blinks* “Yeah, too bad you didn’t actually, like, shoot any at them.”

‘Rothin Hood: “I was too busy running.”

Insane: “Anyway, ‘Rothin, while we were running in the other direction, we saw something you might want to know about.”

Smell: “Yeah, this is weird stuff! Wanna hear it?”

‘Rothin Hood: “No.”

Smell: *whines* “C’mon, ‘Rothin! I wanna tell you!”

Irwhine: “Trust me, ‘Rothin, for once, this is stuff you wanna hear.”

‘Rothin Hood: “Fine. What is it?”

Smell: “Well, you know how King Reeverd left to help fight the war in Wutai?”

‘Rothin Hood: “I’d have to have been living in a rock in a cave on another *planet* not to know that.”

Smell: “I’m just askin’s all! Anyway, know how Prince Jofus, the King’s little brother, has been put in charge of the country while he’s gone?”

‘Rothin Hood: “YES OF COURSE!”

Insane: “Oh, cut to the chase! Basically, ‘Rothin, we saw the royal carriage heading toward the palace.”

‘Rothin Hood: “Ooh! You did!?”

Twohn: “Let’s rob it! Everyone knows Prince Jofus is mean and greedy and has a ton of jewels and crap!”

‘Rothin Hood: “We’ll give the money to the poor, of course.”

Twohn: *annoyed sigh* “Yeah, yeah. Whatever, stupid suck up.”

Smell: “So how we gonna get in there and rob ’em?”

Irwhine: “Charisma?”

Insane: “Disguises?”

Twohn: “Violence?”

‘Rothin Hood: “I was thinking violence too.”

Smell: “Yo, if we get violent, we’re just gonna cause a panic and we won’t get nothin’!”

‘Rothin Hood: “He has a point, Little Twohn.”

Twohn: “Who cares?? Spears!!” *takes out his spear*

Insane: “I say we just dress as women, and charm our way inside like gypsies or somethin’.”

‘Rothin Hood: “I can use my Magic 8 Ball!” *takes out a coconut that’s been painted black*

Twohn: “You made that yourself.”

‘Rothin Hood: *sigh* “And yet it still doesn’t tell me what I want to hear.”

Insane: “Anyway, like I was sayin’, if we read their *palms* we could even steal the rings off their fingers!”

Smell: “Awesome! I could give one to my friend Squappy in the village! He loves rings! He names them and everything!

Irwhine: “That’s kinda sick.”

Twohn: “Sorry to break it to everyone, but I really don’t want to dress as a girl. It’s bad enough we have to wear these tights.”

Insane: “Aw, come on. You’ve got half the costume already and the hair to pull it off.”

Smell: “The people could really use the money…”

Twohn: “Why don’t you clowns go? I’ll stay behind.”

‘Rothin Hood: *looks around frantically* “Clowns? Where?”

Twohn: *sigh* “Fine. Forget it. Break out the sissy dresses. Let’s go steal.”

(so they run off to get changed. meanwhile, back in the king’s castle, maid larkian, the king’s niece, sits staring out the window at the countryside, while her assistant, Aide Tseng, slumps in a nearby chair)

Aide Tseng: *sigh*

Maid Larkian: “What’s wrong, Tseng?”

Aide Tseng: *sadly* “I can’t believe King Reeverd left.”

Maid Larkian: “Hehe, you love him, don’t you?”

Aide Tseng: “If you are referring to the portrait of King Reeverd I wear in the locket around my neck……….fine. But I hope you know I am *very* upset that Miss Scarliss sent me away. Not that you aren’t pleasant company, but…”

Maid Larkian: “Tseng, I understand.” *sigh* “I just can’t believe my dear uncle has gone off to fight in the war. I bet Miss Scarliss had something to do with this, especially now that my other uncle, Prince Jofus is coming to rule the country, and you know the crush she has on him.”

Aide Tseng: “Tell me about it. That stupid skank hit on everyone. I actually feel sorry for Jofus. I bet he has no idea what he’s getting himself into.”

Maid Larkian: “Especially now that ‘Rothin Hood and his band of merry men have been on the rampage. You’ve heard, haven’t you?”

Aide Tseng: “Of course. How they’ve been stealing from the greedy lords and giving the money to the poor. I find it refreshing. However, now that Prince Jofus is coming to rule the country, I have a feeling that we’re headed for dark times.”

Maid Larkian: “Do you suspect ‘Rothin Hood might set his sights on the castle itself?”

Aide Tseng: “I can’t say I would be surprised.” *sigh* “I guess there is a purpose for me acting as your bodyguard after all.”

Maid Larkian: “What’s *that* supposed to mean?”

Aide Tseng: “What kind of fool do you take me for? And if your uncle found out that you were fooling around with a hooligan, you know how upset he’d get?”

Maid Larkian: “As upset as he got when the court fashion consultant, Kujar hit on you?”

Aide Tseng: *blushes* “Along those lines….”

Maid Larkian: *sigh* “But you don’t understand, Tseng. I don’t *want* to marry someone chosen for me. I want to marry someone I *love*.”

Aide Tseng: “I do understand how you feel, Maid Larkian, but I have no power over the issue at all.”

Maid Larkian: *raises eyebrow* “Oh, *none*?”

Aide Tseng: *coughs* “We’ll see what happens when your uncle returns. …Oh, don’t try to hide it, Larkian. I have heard about your past with ‘Rothin Hood.”

Maid Larkian: *blushes* “Oh, that was before….before I left for Junon. ….I’m not sure he even remembers me.”

Aide Tseng: “The heart never forgets. After all, you haven’t forgotten him.”

Maid Larkian: “…..True. But why would a hero like ‘Rothin Hood remember a silly girl like me?” *sigh* “I never told him I loved him….and he never said he loved me.”

Aide Tseng: “What kept you from saying it?”

Maid Larkian: *sigh* “I don’t know really. I guess… I was too shy…”

(flashback. we see larkian, back against a tree, making out with ‘rothin. then she pulls back)

Maid Larkian: *hand on his chest* “No, we shouldn’t. I….I have to leave tomorrow for Junon. Let’s not do anything we’ll regret.”

‘Rothin Hood: *sighs* “Oh, Larkian, stop reminding me you have to go away. Let’s just enjoy the time we have left.”

Maid Larkian: “I’m sorry….” *looks away* “I just don’t want to do anything you’ll regret.”

‘Rothin Hood: “What do you mean?”

Maid Larkian: *steps away* “There’s no commitment here, ‘Rothin. You don’t have to wait for me, darling. ….We have to get on with our lives.” *walks away*

(end of flashback–back to the present)

Maid Larkian: “I didn’t know what to say. He must have thought I didn’t like him.” *shakes head*

Aide Tseng: “He thought enough of you to carve your initials on that tree outside.”

Maid Larkian: “He did what?”

Aide Tseng: “You’ll have to go out and look later.”

Maid Larkian: *blushes* “Yes, I’ll have to.”

(meanwhile, back to ‘rothin hood and his band, they are dressed as women in oversized, ugly printed dresses and are tripping around in their high heels. all of them have wigs on, except twohn, irwhine and ‘rothin, who all just wear their hair down)

Insane: *running* “Hurry up! Hurry up!! We’ll miss the carriage!!”

Irwhine: *almost falling* “My heels are too small!”

Smell: “Hey, ‘Rothin, you make a really good girl.”

‘Rothin Hood: “I do not. Shut up.”

Insane: “You really do. I think it’s the hair.”

‘Rothin Hood: “Did I say SHUT UP!? Look, here comes the carriage. Where’s Little Twohn?”

Twohn: *comes stumbling up* “I’m not little. I’m taller than Insane.”

Insane: “You know, I was just thinking. What if Prince Jofus is gay? Wouldn’t it be better to dress up as men?”

Irwhine: “We *are* men!”

Insane: “That’s what I meant!!”

‘Rothin Hood: “Shut up, you idiots! Here it comes! …I never thought I’d say this, but act girly!”

(meanwhile, from inside the royal carriage, miss scarliss is handing prince jofus king reeverd’s crown)

Miss Scarliss: “Here you are, sir: your brother’s crown. It’s all yours.”

Prince Jofus: “Finally! The *real* man gets the crown!” *he puts it on but the crown is a little small*

Miss Scarliss: “It fits like it was made for you, sire!”

(crown falls off)

Miss Scarliss: “Um….you might want to shove it on better.”

(jofus picks it up and really slams it on his head)

Prince Jofus: “I’m in pain, but at least it’s on! Now I really *am* the true king! Father would be so proud of me….if only he hadn’t impaled himself on a sword.”

Miss Scarliss: *looks confused* “Yeah…that’s what happened.”

Voice from outside: “Fortunes!!”

Another voice: “Fortune telling!!”

Another voice: “Palm readings!!”

Another voice: “Almost guaranteed to become true!”

Prince Jofus: “Ooh! That sounds good! Scarliss, tell them to stop the coach!”

Miss Scarliss: *blinks* “Are you joking?”

Prince Jofus: “….Are you questioning the order of the *king*?!”

Miss Scarliss: “N-no! No, of course not, sir!” *yells* “STOP THE COACH!”

(and it does stop. prince jofus goes to the door of the carriage and smiles down at the 5 ‘girls’.)

Miss Scarliss: “You’re going to trust these gypsys, sir? They could rob you blind! Let me scare them away!”

Prince Jofus: “I grow tired of you, Scarliss. Go back to your own carriage.”

Miss Scarliss: “But, Prince Jofus–“

Prince Jofus: “THE KING HAS SPOKEN!” *crown falls off* “Dammit!”

(scarliss mumbles unhappily and goes back to her own carriage.)

Prince Jofus: “Now then, I would like my fortune told.”

‘Rothin Hood: *in a high pitched voice* “And have it told you shall! We are never wrong, are we, *ladies*?”

Twohn: *high pitched* “We can’t afford to be!”

Prince Jofus: “Well come in, come in.” *pause* “Oh, but I can’t fit all of you inside.”

‘Rothin Hood: *to insane, smell and irwhine* “You ladies stay out here and entertain the guards.”

Insane: *raises his eyebrows* “And entertain them we shall.”

Irwhine: *nudges him* “That’s not what he meant!”

(rothin and twohn go into the carriage and the curtains are drawn.)

Irwhine: “What do you say *girls*? Let’s get to work.” *rubs hands together*

Smell: “….You know we’re really not girls, right, Irwhine?”

Irwhine: *hits himself in the head* “Oh god.”

(meanwhile, inside the carriage…)

‘Rothin Hood: “Now, close your eyes, your royal highness, and I will tell your fortune.”

Prince Jofus: “It better be a damn good one!” *shuts eyes*

(‘rothin takes the prince’s hand and starts speaking loudly while twohn starts stealing all the jewels and money in the carriage and shoving them under his dress)

‘Rothin Hood: “I see a very BRIGHT future for you! RICHES! POWER!”

Prince Jofus: “Ooh! Sounds good! Tell me more!”

‘Rothin Hood: “Uh…more POWER! More RICHES! You’ll be the RICHEST man there ever was!”

Prince Jofus: “Ooh he he! Take *that* Reeverd! Who’s daddy’s favorite now!?”

‘Rothin Hood: *gives him a weird look* “Uh-huh…” *gasp* “Know what *else* I see?” *slips ring off jofus’ finger*

Prince Jofus: “Ooh, what??”

(meanwhile…back outside…the other three peer around the carriage to where two guards are holding up a chest with a lot of locks on it)

Irwhine: “Sweet Grant’s ghost! Think of all the flapjacks the money in there could buy!”

Smell: “Yeah, but how you gonna get over there? It’s so heavily guarded!”

Insane: *throws hair over shoulder* “Never underestimate my sex appeal.”

Irwhine: “You really scare me sometimes, you know that?”

Smell: “Okay, you two go for the chest. I’ll go for the hub caps. They’re solid gold!”

(so smell goes over to the hub caps, and insane goes over and starts flirting with the guards while irwhine sneaks up behind and drills a hole in the bottom of the chest. all the coins come out and irvine catches them down the front of his dress)

Insane: *giggles* “Oh, I can’t flash you!! That would be *very* unlady like. …But if you both close your eyes, I’ll give you a special surprise!!”

(the guards dumbly close their eyes, of course, and insane motions for irwhine to run off, which he does. unfortunately, he also trips and falls, prompting the guards to open their eyes. they turn to spot him)

Insane: “Aw, dammit!”

Irwhine: “Crap!” *scoops up coins*

Insane: “Run, you idiot!!”

(then ‘rothin and twohn come running out of the carriage, both carrying bags of gold coins. twohn is also wearing the prince’s red robe.)

Twohn: “Now *this* is a robbery!!”

‘Rothin: “Come on, Smell!!”

(smell only has one of the hubcaps, but he grabs it and runs after the others. then prince jofus peeks his head out of the carriage, eyes still closed)

Prince Jofus: “Gypsy lady? Can I open my eyes now? ….Gypsy lady?” *opens eyes* “Hey! Where did she go??” *looks down at self* “HEY! My ROBE! My RINGS!! They’re GONE!!!”

Miss Scarliss: *pokes head out of her carriage* “What’s going on here?!?”

Prince Jofus: “I was ROBBED!!! After THEM!!!!!!!!!!”

(the carriage starts up again, but since one of the wheels has no cap, it comes sliding off, and one side of the carriage collapses, and is forced to stop)

Prince Jofus: “DAMMIT! DAMMIT! DAMMIT!” *whines* “DAD~DY!”

‘Rothin Hood: *laughs as he runs off* “Ooh de lally!”

Twohn: “What the hell was that?”

‘Rothin Hood: *shifty eyes* “Shut up. You heard nothing.”

(meanwhile, in the town of Nibelingheim, the Sheriff of Nibelingheim, who looks a great deal like vincent, is walking down the street, money purse in hand)

Sheriff: “Hm. Another tax collecting day.”

(he goes knocks on a door)

Voice from inside: “Oh no! It’s the Sheriff! Hurry, hide it!”

Sheriff: “A*hem*.”

(the door opens, and there’s a guy who looks like rude in a robe. this is friar turk. and behind him is some guy, who looks kinda drunk, and looks like reno)

Sheriff: “Hello, Friar Turk.”

Friar Turk: “Sheriff. Back again?”

Sheriff: “My duty calls.” *looks at other guy* “Retto, do you have the back money?”

Retto: “I gotta drinkin’ problem. Ya can’t expect me ta keep up!”

Sheriff: “I believe I heard the faint jingling of coins just before I came in.”

Retto: *sweat drops* “Um…….no?”

Sheriff: *holds out mechanical hand* “Don’t make me force it from you.”

Retto: *frowns* “You’re so cold hearted, Sheriff.” *takes the money and hands it to the sheriff* “You suck us all dry. Like me n’ this ale.”

Sheriff: “I am merely doing my job. You owe the king your taxes.”

Friar Turk: “How about the king owes us some food?”

Sheriff: “That is not my concern. I just collect taxes.” *leaves*

Retto: “Well this sucks. There goes my booze money.”

Friar Turk: *shakes head*

(meanwhile, the sheriff goes to the next house over and knocks on the door. when the door opens, we see people that look like squall, rinoa, quistis and selphie standing around, and the one that looks like squall is holding a birthday present)

Everyone: “Come i~n!”

(the sheriff enters)

Quis: “Oh no, the sheriff!”

Rin: “Come on, Mr. Sheriff! It’s Squappy’s birthday!”

Squappy: “Whatever.”

Sheriff: “Hm. Why not open your present?”

Selph: “Yeah! Open it, Squappy!”

(and he does. and out falls a gold piece)

Squappy: “Ooooooooooooooooh. Money. I haven’t seen this in a long—-” *the sheriff takes it* “…..time.” *frowns*

Rin: “Hey!!”

Selph: “What gives?”

Sheriff: “You owe taxes.”

Quis: “It’s his *birthday*!”

Rin: “We saved for months to give that to him! Quis didn’t steal it! Honest!”

Sheriff: “It matters not. Good day.” *leaves*

Selph: *stamps foot* “Gosh darnit! We have *no* money at all!”

Quis: “That Sheriff’s heart is as cold as his mechanical arm!”

Rin: “I heard he got his heart broken, and that’s why he’s so mean.”

Selph: “Who cares!?! He ruined Squappy’s birthday!”

Squappy: *hangs head*

(another knock at the door)

Rin: “God help me if that’s the Sheriff again! I’ll beat him good for ruining my Squappy’s birthday!”

(she opens the door and it’s a guy in a black cloak)

Selph: “Ahh!!!! It’s the ghost of Christmas yet to come!!”

Quis: *blinks* “What the hell are you talking about?”

Selph: “What? Did I say something totally out of place?”

Quis: “Uh, *yeah*.”

(the man in the black cloak comes in, and then the door is shut. then the black cloak is lifted, to reveal ‘rothin hood and smell)

‘Rothin Hood: *pushes smell* “Get off me.”

Smell: “Sor~ry. Hey, Squappy! Happy birthday!”

Squappy: *frowns* “Not really.”

Rin: “You just missed the sheriff.”

‘Rothin Hood: “……The sheriff??”

Selph: “He took Squappy’s birthday present!”

Quis: “What a jerk. How could his heart be broken if he has none?!”

‘Rothin Hood: “………………….”

Smell: “Don’t worry, Squappy! I got ya somethin’!”

(he takes out a very expensive looking gold ring)

Squappy: “……..that……for me?”

Smell: “It sure is!!”

‘Rothin Hood: *hands quis a bag of coins* “And this is for all of you.”

Quis: “God bless you, ‘Rothin Hood.”

Rin: *checking ‘rothin out* “I think he already did.” *drool*

Selph: “That Sheriff is a meany! A big meany!”

‘Rothin Hood: “Now that Prince Jofus has come to power, things are only to get worse–he’s been the one giving the orders to the Sheriff.”

Quis: “Things were never like this under King Reeverd.”

Smell: “‘Course not. He’s the true king of England. Not like this *phony* king.”

Selph: “We should blow him up! To smithereens!”

Everyone: *blinks*

‘Rothin Hood: “……Or we could just rob him. Come on, Smell. Back to Shimmerwood Forest!”

Smell: “……I’m still wondering why we don’t at least build a *house* in the wood.”

‘Rothin Hood: “……..Shut up.”

(meanwhile, back at the castle, prince jofus is on his throne, miss scarliss at his side. the sheriff comes up and dumps a large bag of coins in front of the prince and kneels)

Sheriff: “Your majesty, the taxes collected today.”

Prince Jofus: *pokes the bag with his foot* “Hm. Not enough. Collect more next time.”

Sheriff: *looks up in shock* “But your highness–“

Prince Jofus: “Do not even *think* of defying me!!!” *crown falls off* “Aw, dammit!” *picks it up and puts it on*

Sheriff: “Will that be *all*, your majesty?”

Prince Jofus: “No, Sheriff.  I have questions about a certain outlaw named ‘Rothin Hood.”

Sheriff: *eyes get wide* “‘Rothin Hood, sir?”

Prince Jofus: “Yes. Do you know of this man?”

Sheriff: “I do.”

Prince Jofus: “Him and his band of hooligans robbed me blind and ran off into the woods like girls!”

Miss Scarliss: “……That’s because they were dressed like girls, sir.”

Prince Jofus: “Dammit, did I say you could speak?” *slams down fist and crown falls off* “Oh, COME ON!” *puts it back on*

Sheriff: “……What do you ask of me, sir?”

Prince Jofus: “I want his tight-clad ass in jail! I just have to know how to trick him so I can arrest him!”

Sheriff: “…..Perhaps the court mad scientist, Latrojo, may be of some assistance.”

Prince Jofus: “…….We have one of those?”

Miss Scarliss: “Sir, I told you about that.”

Prince Jofus: “No you didn’t.”

Miss Scarliss: “Yes I did.”

Prince Jofus: “You didn’t.”

Miss Scarliss: “I think I know what I said.”

Prince Jofus: *slams fist down* “No you don’t!” *crown falls off* “Oh, this ISN’T funny!” *puts it on and gets up* “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to find this Latrojo character.” *fixes robe and walks off*

Sheriff: “Hm.” *goes to leave*

Miss Scarliss: “Oh, Sheriff….”

Sheriff: *turns to her* “……..Yes?”

Miss Scarliss: “……Maybe I should tell him.”

Sheriff: *sounds worried* “Tell him what?”

Miss Scarliss: “…..That you used to be one of them.”

Sheriff: “That was a long time ago. I have no ties to ‘Rothin Hood and his band now.”

Miss Scarliss: “Love is fleeting, I suppose.”

Sheriff: “I am afraid you are mistaken.” *pause* “Love is dead.” *turns and walks off*

(meanwhile, prince jofus goes to latrojo’s room, but he hears voices before he can knock)

????: “See, I told you this would look better on me.”

????: “Ah, but Kujar, I believe it would look even better in a ball on the floor.”

Kujar: “Latrojo, I have had enough of you hitting on me.”

Latrojo: “No! Don’t leave! I need the fashion advice! Really!!”

(the door opens and a guy…..or is it a girl……walks out in a huff, while a seedy looking guy who resembles hojo, only *more* disgusting if it was possible, pokes his head out)

Latrojo: “I’ll get you, my pretty! If it’s the last thing I do!”

Prince Jofus: “Uh….huh…..”

Latrojo: *blinks* “You’re not King Reeverd. Why are you wearing his crown?”

Prince Jofus: “He went to the war in Wutai, where have you been??”

Latrojo: “In my lab, under a chair, staring at pieces of Kujar’s hair I have managed to collect.” *giggles freakishly*

Prince Jofus: *looks scared* “Uh huh… That sounds….not normal. Anyway, I am Prince Jofus, the king’s better, and younger, brother. I’m in charge now, and I thought you might help me with something.”

Latrojo: *looks him over* “Yes…..” *licks lips* “I would be happy to help you. Come in.”

(jofus goes in, looking scared. he glances around at the stereotypical witch stuff around the room, complete with a cauldron in the center)

Prince Jofus: *looking around in disgust* “….Did you decorate yourself?”

Latrojo: *proudly* “Yup.”

Prince Jofus: “….ew.”

Latrojo: “So what is it you have questions about?” *licks lips*

Prince Jofus: *looks really uncomfortable* “Um….it’s about ‘Rothin Hood.”

Latrojo: *scowls* “Oh.”

Prince Jofus: “I assume you know him?”

Latrojo: “I would say so.”

Prince Jofus: “To make a long story short, I hate his guts. Help me think of a clever and over the top way to arrest him.”

Latrojo: *thinks a moment, then says* “I have an idea.”

Prince Jofus: “Oh yea!” *claps hands together* “Tell me!”

Latrojo: “Um……..no.”

Prince Jofus: *throws fit* “What do you mean, *no*!? I’m the KING!!!” *crown falls off* “DAMMIT!”

Latrojo: “I will help you, but I ask of something in return.”

Prince Jofus: “What?! What is it?! I’ll do anything–ANYTHING!!”

Latrojo: “I want the Sheriff of Nibelingheim.”

Prince Jofus: “Why?” *latrojo raises an eyebrow* “Oh….I see.” *thinks then says* “…..Fine. I’ll do what I can. Now what’s your plan??”

Latrojo: “Hold an archery contest. ‘Rothin Hood is the most skilled archer in the area. He won’t pass up a chance to show off his skills, especially if the prize is right.”

Prince Jofus: “What kind of prize would that be?”

Latrojo: “A kiss from that stupid girl he likes. What’s her name….??”

Prince Jofus: “…….Kujar?”

Latrojo: “No!! Kujar’s clearly a man!”

Prince Jofus: “…….Clearly?”

Latrojo: “I’m talking about Maid Larkian, you idiot! Offer a kiss from her along with some other stupid thing and he’ll be *sure* to show up. All you will have to do is see through whatever pitiful disguise he shows up in, and have him arrested.”

Prince Jofus: “A splendid idea! I’ll put it into action at once!” *jumps to his feet and the crown falls off* “Oh, come ON!” *pause* “Waaaaaaaaaaaaait a minute here. What’s with Larkian and this ‘Rothin Hood character?”

Latrojo: “He used to court her before she went away.”

Prince Jofus: *blinks* “She went away?”

Latrojo: “Do you know ANYTHING?!”

Prince Jofus: “Hey, watch it! I’m the KING!” *stamps foot and crown falls off* “……………..I give up.”

(we now cut to outside, where larkian and tseng are, and tseng is leading larkian over to a tree)

Tseng: “See, there are your initials: R.H loves M. L.”

Maid Larkian: “Aw……..it’s just like I don’t have a last name.”

Tseng: “You have to see him.”

Maid Larkian: *blushing* “Oh….I don’t know….I’m still not sure.”

(prince jofus comes stomping out, the sheriff in tow)

Prince Jofus: “Larkian! There you are!”

Maid Larkian: *emotionlessly* “Oh. Uncle. How nice to see you.”

Prince Jofus: “You know the Sheriff of Nibelingheim.”

Sheriff: *raises eyebrow* “We have met.”

Maid Larkian: *looking at the sheriff a bit strangely* “We have.”

Prince Jofus: “I was just talking to Latrojo–“

Tseng: “Ugh, what made you get that desperate?”

Prince Jofus: “…….It was an unpleasant experience. But that’s over and done with. My question to you, Larkian, is whether or not you had a close connection with ‘Rothin Hood.”

Maid Larkian: *stepping to block the tree* “We knew one another.”

Prince Jofus: “…….I see. Well, we are having an archery contest. You are to give a kiss to the winner.”

Maid Larkian: “Oh….but why must it be me? Why not Miss Scarliss?”

Prince Jofus: “She has some diseases that haven’t been identified yet.”

Everyone: *shudders*

Maid Larkian: “Well, all right then. I don’t mind.”

Prince Jofus: “Splendid. Come, Sheriff. We have preparations to make.”

(the prince turns to leave, and the sheriff gives a lingering look to larkian as they walk off. halfway back to the castle the prince’s crown falls off, and he stamps his feet and makes a fuss.)

Tseng: *raises eyebrow* “I bet *he* shows up.”

Maid Larkian: “Hm?”

Tseng: “‘Rothin Hood, of course.”

Maid Larkian: *blushes* “Oh, stop it. I doubt such a silly prize would make ‘Rothin Hood risk his life to attend this contest.”

(back in shimmerwood forest, ‘rothin hood and his band are hanging around. smell is cooking, irwhine is trying to play with a couple of sticks put together with string, insane is lying around, and little twohn is pretending to sword fight with a stick. ‘rothin hood is just sitting there, looking like he’s day dreaming)

Twohn: *hitting his imaginary opponent* “You’re not my father! Die! Die!”

Insane: “Little Twohn, could you tone down the violence a bit? Some of us are trying to lay around.”

Irwhine: “Listen to this.” *plucks a note on his instrument and the whole thing falls apart* “Oh man! 7 and a half minutes of work down the drain!”

Insane: “Yeah, we’re all crying over it.”

Smell: “Hey, you guys, this is gonna be pretty good stew. There’s actually vegetables in it this time.”

Irwhine: “As opposed to rocks.”

Smell: “There was moss on those rocks.”

Twohn: *beating up a tree now* “Die, Vader!! Die!!” *the stick breaks* “Oh, come on! How am I supposed to do the big finish now?”

Insane: “Calm down, Twohn.”

Smell: “Hey, ‘Rothin, come taste this stew.”

‘Rothin Hood: “……………………….”

Smell: “Uh……….planet to ‘Rothin! Come in, ‘Rothin!”

‘Rothin Hood: “…………………………”

Twohn: “I’ll fix ’em good.” *hits him with what’s left of the stick* “Snap out of it!”

‘Rothin Hood: *grabs the back of his head* “OW! What was that for?!”

Irwhine: “You were acting like a total space cadet, man.”

‘Rothin Hood: “…….Sorry.”

Insane: “What were you thinking about?”

‘Rothin Hood: “Nothing.”

(before anyone can say anything else, there’s a noise in the bushes)

Twohn: “Someone’s coming! I’ll get him!” *holds up stick*

(friar turk emerges)

Twohn: *disappointed* “Oh man….. I can’t hit him.”

Smell: “Hey, Friar Turk!! Sup? Want some stew?”

Irwhine: *whispers loudly* “Trust me. You don’t. It sucks.”

Smell: “He~ey!”

Insane: “Sup, Friar Turk? What brings you to our neck of the woods?” *laughs hysterically* “Get it? Our ‘neck of the woods’? Cause we live in the woods? Hahahahahahahaha!”

‘Rothin Hood: *blinks* “…….Yeah.”

Friar Turk: “Actually, I came to see you, ‘Rothin.”

‘Rothin Hood: “Of course you did. What’s up?”

Friar Turk: “First of all, everyone in the village is thankful for the money. It’s really helped a lot. Especially when Prince Jofus keeps raising the taxes.”

Irwhine: “Prince Jofus, please! He’s the *phony* king! No one will ever respect him!”

Insane: “That doesn’t mean they can not pay taxes to him.”

Friar Turk: “That’s right, Insane. As much as we all hate Prince Jofus, King Reeverd *did* put him in place to rule in his absence.”

Twohn: “I would have rather he put a *snake* in his place!”

‘Rothin Hood: “What’s done is done, Little Twohn. Tell the people they are most welcome, Friar Turk, and to expect more soon.”

Friar Turk: “Bless your heart, ‘Rothin Hood. But now, the real reason I came all the way out here.”

Smell: “Omg, is there a sale at the comic book store?!”

Everyone: *blinks*

Friar Turk: “No! The king is having an archery contest.”

‘Rothin Hood: *eyes light up* “An archery contest!! I could win that standing on my head, blindfold, with both arms tied behind my back!”

Irwhine: “Um……I don’t think you could even *move*….”

‘Rothin Hood: “Just tell me where to sign up!”

Insane: “But ‘Rothin, that contest is *sure* to be swarming with guards. It’s probably just a trick to get you arrested.”

Smell: “Yo, man, he’s right. Everyone knows you’re the best archer around anyway. No point in risking your life to go to some lame contest and win a stupid prize.”

‘Rothin Hood: “Maybe Smell is right…. What’s the prize?” *tastes the stew*

Friar Turk: “A kiss from Maid Larkian.”

‘Rothin Hood: *spits out stew* “WHAT?!?!?!?! A KISS?!?

Smell: “Oh man! Was it *that* bad?”

‘Rothin Hood: “Forget the stew–the winner gets a kiss from Maid Larkian? Really?”

Friar Turk: “Would I lie?”

‘Rothin Hood: “Oh that’s it. I am *so* going now! I’ve got to win this thing!”

Insane: “You’re insane!”

Smell: “Risking your life to kiss a girl?”

Irwhine: “She better be damn hot.”

‘Rothin Hood: “Hurry up, guys, go find disguises!”

(the others mumble and go off, leaving ‘rothin with the friar)

Friar Turk: “I should warn you though………the Sheriff of Nibelingheim will be there.”

‘Rothin Hood: “……I see. Well, don’t worry. I’ll be in disguise. Even he won’t recognize me.”

Friar Turk: “I hope you’re right. Good luck, ‘Rothin Hood.” *he leaves*

‘Rothin Hood: “Of course I’m right. I’m always right.”

(the next day……the merry men and rothin hood approach where the archery contest is being held. all the guys are wearing various costumes. twohn is dressed in very rich, expensive clothing. rothin hood has some sunglasses on and…….short hair?!?!?!?!?!?!)

Twohn: “I still can’t believe you cut your hair! Did you fall on your head? I didn’t hit you with the stick *that* hard.”

‘Rothin Hood: “It was time for a change.”

Insane: “But you *loved* your hair!”

Irwhine: “Couldn’t you have just worn a wig??”

‘Rothin Hood: “Trust me. No one will recognize me this way. Now, I’m going to register. Insane, Smell, Irwhine–go sit in the stands. Little Twohn, you know what to do.”

Twohn: “Of course I do!”

(so they all split up. prince jofus is sitting on his throne, miss scarliss at his side)

Prince Jofus: *gleefully* “Hehehehe!! This is going to be great! We’ll capture ‘Rothin Hood, put him to death, and we’ll all live happily ever after—except for ‘Rothin Hood!” *evil laughter*

Miss Scarliss: “Oh, you are so witty, sir.”

Prince Jofus: *rubs hands together* “This is going to be fun.”

(twohn approaches the booth of the king in his expensive getup, trying to act like a noble, but not quite getting there)

Twohn: “Your majesty! I’m so pleased to meet you!”

Prince Jofus: *blinks* “……..Do I know you?”

Twohn: “I am the duke of……..Vader.”

Prince Jofus: “….I don’t believe I’m familiar with that region.”

Twohn: “Oh, it’s brand new. I’ve simply been *dying* to meet you.”

Prince Jofus: “Well that’s no surprise, considering how great I am!” *gestures to scarliss’ chair* “Come sit.”

Miss Scarliss: “Uh…….but sir, I’m sitting here.”

Prince Jofus: “Then I guess you’ll have to get lost.”

Miss Scarliss: “But there are two empty chairs right on your other side!”

Prince Jofus: “Are you joking? I can’t give away saved seats!”

Miss Scarliss: “But I was actually sitting here!”

Prince Jofus: “GET UP!” *bangs fist and the crown falls off* “URGH! Look what you made me do!!”

Miss Scarliss: *jumps up* “I’m leaving! I’m leaving!” *shoots twohn a nasty look and leaves*

(twohn sits down)

Twohn: “So why an archery contest, your highness? I’ve never seen one before.”

Prince Jofus: “Oh, it’s merely all a facade to catch a criminal.”

Twohn: “Oh yeah? Who might that be?”

Prince Jofus: “None other than ‘Rothin Hood, of course! Mwa haa haa haa!”

Twohn: *mutters* “That was so easy it wasn’t even fun.”

(then maid larkian and tseng come over to their seats)

Prince Jofus: “Oh, Maid Larkian! There you are! Say hello to the Duke of Vader.”

Twohn: “Hey.”

Maid Larkian: “Hello…. I don’t believe I’ve ever heard of Vader…”

Twohn: “It’s really far from here.”

Prince Jofus: “I thought it was new.”

Twohn: “It’s both, okay?!”

(meanwhile, rothin hood has finished registering and he turns around and bumps right into the sheriff)

‘Rothin Hood: *eyes wide for a moment* “Oh. Excuse me.” *speaks with a british accent*

Sheriff: “Pardon me.” *pause* “Sunny day.” *indicates sunglasses*

‘Rothin Hood: “It sure is.” *pause* “You entering the contest?”

Sheriff: “Yes.”

‘Rothin Hood: “…….Well then. Good luck, ol’ chap.” *walks off*

Sheriff: *raises eyebrow* “…..Old chap??”

(meanwhile, scarliss is walking not to happily by the stands, muttering unhappy things to herself)

Miss Scarliss: “This sucks. He treats me like crap, meanwhile *I’m* the one who got him here in the first place! I thought for sure I’d get promoted with Jofus ruling the country, but I was actually better off with that weirdo Reeverd in charge. I’ve got to think of something that will get me in better favor with his majesty.”

(suddenly, scarliss overhears voices from the stands)

?????: “Boy, I sure hope ‘Rothin doesn’t get caught.”

?????: “Yeah, I think *all* of us hope that, you idiot.”

?????: “I’m just saying–I don’t think those sunglasses are a good enough disguise.”

?????: “Well he cut his hair. What else do you want the poor guy to do?”

Miss Scarliss: *jaw hits the floor* “He’s here! ‘Rothin Hood showed up! He’s wearing sunglasses! I’ll tell this to the prince and get in his favor for sure!!” *runs off*

Irwhine: “……Did you guys hear an evil scheme forming behind us?”

Smell: *gasp* “Omg, you don’t think anyone overheard what I said about ‘Rothin, do you??”

Insane: “You idiot! Let’s go after her before she spreads the word!!”

(and so they take off after her. insane catches up with her first.)

Insane: “Uh, excuse me, ma’am…”

Miss Scarliss: *snaps* “What is it? I’m busy.”

Irwhine: “Uh….we work for a modeling agency, and we couldn’t help but notice how stunningly beautiful you are.”

Smell: “What are you talking about, Irwhine?” *gets elbowed in the stomach by irwhine* “Ow!”

Insane: “Yes! And we were wondering if you would be interesting in signing a contract with our company!”

Miss Scarliss: *stars in her eyes* “Me? A model? That’s much better than my childhood dreams of being a whore!”

Irwhine: “Please, step this way.”

(they lead her into a tent, from which we can tell there’s a big scuffle, some muffled screams, and then everything is silent. the guys emerge, brushing their hands off)

Irwhine: “Now that is one woman I never wanted to touch.” *shudders*

Insane: “Well at least that’s taken care of.”

Smell: “Yeah, we rock!”

Announcer: “Everyone, please take your seats for the beginning of the competition.”

Irwhine: “Hey, it’s starting. Let’s sit down.”

(and they do….back in the royal booth)

Twohn: “So, you really think this ‘Rothin Hood guy will show up?”

Maid Larkian: *turns to twohn* “Did you say ‘Rothin Hood?”

Twohn: “No, I said Robin Hood. Of *course* I said ‘Rothin Hood!”

Tseng: *pokes larkian* “I told you.”

Maid Larkian: “Hush!”

Prince Jofus: *whines* “Everyone shut u~p! It’s start~ing!”

(about ten archers come out in front and stand in front of their targets. they all try and play to the crowd, except for the sheriff, who stands there with a kind of dour expression on his face. ‘rothin hood locates maid larkian and grins at her, blowing her a kiss. larkian looks a little flustered, and shyly blows one back.)

Announcer: “Archers, shoot your arrows!!”

(how the contest works is, each archer shoots one arrow. whoever manages to get in the center circle moves on to the next round. the target is moved back, and they shoot one arrow again. whoever gets it in the center circle moves on and so forth. this goes on until the target is really far back and the only ones left are ‘rothin hood and the sheriff. they keep stealing sideways glances at one another, seeming very uneasy)

Twohn: “Boy, that one in the sunglasses sure is talented! And he’s one good looking guy, isn’t he, Maid Larkian?”

Maid Larkian: *flustered* “Uh, well I, um, I–“

Tseng: *pokes her* “Just say he is.”

Maid Larkian: “Tseng!”

Prince Jofus: “Well, it looks like it has come down to this stranger and our own Sheriff.”

Twohn: “I predict that the stranger will kick the Sheriff’s sorry ass!!” *everyone looks at him strangely* “I…uh….heard my servant say that once. Yeah. That’s it.”

(back in the stands)

Smell: “Whoo hoo!! Go Sunglasses guy!!”

Irwhine: “You don’t think the Sheriff suspects anything do you?”

Insane: “What gave you that idea? The weird way he’s looking at him every five seconds?? Of *course* he’s suspicious! I just hope he doesn’t suspect enough to blow ‘Rothin’s cover!”

Announcer: “And now, for the final shot, each of the contestants will shoot at the same target, and whoever gets it more in the center, wins the prize.”

‘Rothin Hood: “Prepare to lose, ol’ chap.”

Sheriff: *quietly* “We shall see, ‘Rothin Hood.”

‘Rothin Hood: *eyes get wide* “What was that?”

Announcer: “First up, the Sheriff of Nibelingheim.”

Audience: “BOO!!!!”

(the sheriff steps up and makes a perfect shot)

Audience: “BOO!!!!”

Sheriff: “Beat that.”

‘Rothin Hood: “I *will*.”

(totally determined, he steps up and takes a shot that actually splits the sheriff’s arrow in two. the audience erupts in cheers and the sheriff’s jaw nearly hits the floor)

Announcer: “And the winner is……the man with the Sunglasses!”

Prince Jofus: “Well then! Come and get your prize!!”

‘Rothin Hood: *rushes over* “All right!!”

Prince Jofus: “You win this golden arrow…” *hands him golden arrow* “And a kiss from the lovely Maid Larkian.”

(larkian blushes slightly as she leans over and kisses him sweetly on the cheek. ‘rothin hood peers over his sunglasses at her, and instantly she recognizes him with a tiny gasp. their eyes locked, she takes her seat)

Prince Jofus: “Congratulations….man with Sunglasses!” *pause* “What a name.”

Sheriff: *sets jaw* “Don’t you mean, ‘Rothin Hood?”

(he stalks over and rips the sunglasses off a shocked ‘rothin hood. the crowd gasps.)

Sheriff: “You cut your hair, my dear.”

‘Rothin Hood: *backs away* “Don’t call me that!”

Prince Jofus: “I did it! I did it! I caught ‘Rothin Ho~od! I caught ‘Rothin Ho~od!!” *he dances around and the crown falls off* “Dammit! ARREST HIM!!!”

Maid Larkian: “NO!!!! DON’T!!!!”

(a huge group of soldiers pounces on ‘rothin hood and tie him up)

Insane: “We gotta help ‘Rothin!!”

Irwhine: “Yeah!”

(they run off. meanwhile, twohn sneaks out of his seat)

Maid Larkian: “No!!!” *pleads to jofus* “Let him go!!”

Prince Jofus: “Kill him!!!!”

Maid Larkian: *frantically* “NO!!!! No, you can’t!! You can’t kill him! Let him go!!”

Prince Jofus: “Why should I let him go?? He’s an outlaw!!”

Maid Larkian: “Because… Because I….” *look at rothin and then back at jofus* “Because I love him!!”

Everyone: *gasp*

Tseng: *quietly* “You go girl.”

Prince Jofus: “Watch me give a flying rat’s ass!! KILL HIM!!!”

Maid Larkian: *crying* “No! No!!”

‘Rothin Hood: “Larkian!!! I–I love you too!”

Maid Larkian: *still crying* “Oh! ‘Rothin! No! You can’t die!!”

Sheriff: *watching rothin hood* “………………..”

Prince Jofus: *looks like something’s pulling on him* “WAIT! STOP!! STOP THE EXECUTION!!”

Everyone: *freezes*

(we cut to behind jofus, where we see that smell has got him by the back of the collar, and irwhine and insane are holding knives to his back)

Twohn: “Tell them to let my buddy, go. NOW!”

Prince Jofus: “Le-let him go!!”

Sheriff: “What?!”

Twohn: “Tell them AGAIN!”

Prince Jofus: *is poked by insane* “Ouch! Uh….let him go! N-now!! Let him free!”

Sheriff: “I don’t believe this…”

(rothin is let go, and he runs right over to larkian)

‘Rothin Hood: “Larkian, my darling, will you marry me?”

Maid Larkian: *blinks* “Uh, that is out of nowhere, but sure! I will!!”

(the merry men are running for the woods)

Twohn: “‘Rothin! Come on! Let’s make a run for it!!”

Prince Jofus: “What am I *doing*?! Seize him!!”

(all the soldiers charge at rothin)

‘Rothin Hood: “Time to make my exit! Let’s go!!”

(he runs off, along with larkian and tseng, into the woods. the soldiers don’t follow)

Prince Jofus: “What are you doing?! Go into the forest!”

Solider: “Der….it’s dark in there.”

Prince Jofus: “Aw, dammit!!” *crown falls off* “More dammits, dammit!” *puts it back on and looks around* “Where is that stupid Miss Scarliss?”

(the sheriff comes over with a frazzled looking miss scarliss)

Sheriff: “I found her bound and gagged in a tent.”

Miss Scarliss: “Omg, your highness! ‘Rothin Hood is here! He’s the one with the sunglasses!! Hurry and arrest him!!”

Prince Jofus: “ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” *stomps away*

Miss Scarliss: *scratches head* “….Did I say something wrong?”

(and so rothin hood and his gang return to their hideout, along with maid larkian and tseng. maid larkian and ‘rothin hood are strolling along, hand in hand)

‘Rothin Hood: “So, when do you want to get married?”

Maid Larkian: “How about in the fall?”

‘Rothin Hood: “How about right now?”

Maid Larkian: “‘Rothin!!! …..I can’t believe you even remembered me after all that time.”

‘Rothin Hood: “The heart never forgets.” *kisses her*

(meanwhile, the merry men and tseng are all talking……)

Tseng: “I bet you the king is throwing one of his baby fits right now.”

Insane: “Probably. And I bet his crown falls off too.” *laughs*

Irwhine: “I hoping he won’t take this out on the people, but he probably will.”

Smell: “That would suck!”

Twohn: “We have to stop this jerk and get King Reeverd back! Who’s with me?”

Irwhine: “I am!”

Insane: “I am!”

Smell: “I am!”

Tseng: “I am!”

Twohn: “Kill the beast!!” *pause* “Yeah, actually that does fit….”

(back at the castle, miss scarliss and the sheriff have gathered around a *very* upset prince…)

Prince Jofus: “I can’t believe this!! He got away!!! He got AWAY!” *stomps foot and the crown falls off* “GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!” *picks it up*

Miss Scarliss: “I still can’t believe I fell for the stupid tricks of his cronies!” *mutters* “I should have known I was too fake looking to be a model.”

Sheriff: “We *will* find him, sire. And we *will* kill him.”

Prince Jofus: “WILL is not good enough! I want him dead! Now!!!”

Miss Scarliss: “On the plus side, we’ve collected lots of nice taxes for you.”

Prince Jofus: “It’s not enough!! Double the taxes!!!”

Miss Scarliss and Sheriff: *gasp*

Prince Jofus: “No, TRIPLE the taxes!”

Miss Scarliss and Sheriff: *gasp*

Sheriff: “But sire, if you triple the taxes–“

Prince Jofus: “I care NOT about the consequences! Do as I ask! Triple the taxes! That’ll show those worthless peasants who’s in charge.”

Sheriff: *firmly* “Sire, I cannot in good conscience–“

Prince Jofus: *glares at him* “Do it, Sheriff. Or it will be your head in the noose.”

Sheriff: *swallows* “Yes, sir.” *leaves*

Miss Scarliss: “Prince Jofus… I think there’s something you should know about the Sheriff of Nibelingheim….”

(several days later, friar turk is in his church with retto, and they both look unhappy)

Friar Turk: “I don’t believe it, Retto. Nearly the whole town has been arrested for not paying their taxes, and there has been no sign of ‘Rothin Hood.”

Retto: “Yeah. This totally sucks. What are we gonna do?”

Friar Turk: “There is nothing we can do.” *goes over to the poor box and shakes it* “We have nothing either.”

Retto: *thinks a moment but then pulls a gold coin from his pocket* “……Here.”

Friar Turk: “…….Retto?”

Retto: “Take it. I was saving it for booze, but I think there are others who need it more.”

Friar Turk: “Bless your heart, Retto.” *puts the coin in the poor box* “Suddenly it all seems a little better.”

(the sheriff enters)

Friar Turk: *frowns* “I take that back.”

Sheriff: “I have to collect today’s taxes.”

Friar Turk: “You took us for all we were worth yesterday! Now be gone from this house of God!”

Sheriff: “I have come to collect what is the rightful property of King Jofus.”

Friar Turk: “He is no more the king than Retto is!”

Sheriff: “Never the less.” *looks at the poor box*

Friar Turk: “Don’t you *dare*.”

Sheriff: *goes over and opens it* “I have no choice.”

Friar Turk: “Grrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!! That’s it! I’ve had it! Get out, get out, get out!!!” *starts pushing the sheriff out*

Sheriff: “Stop it, Frair Turk! This is a crime against the king!!”

Friar Turk: “Oh *yeah*? Well what’s that *phony* king gonna do about it?!”

(the sheriff manages to handcuff the friar)

Sheriff: “You have the right to remain silent.”

Friar Turk: “Oh, ‘Rothin Hood, where are you?”

(back at the castle, prince jofus is sitting in his throne, head resting on his hand, miss scarliss besides him)

Miss Scarliss: “What’s the matter, your highness? Look! You have more money than you could possibly want! Almost all the citizens of the town are in jail, and Friar Turk has been arrested for putting up a fight!”

Prince Jofus: “Big deal!!! It’s ‘Rothin Hood I want! That stupid jerk! If I could only think of a way to get him to come—-” *stops and an evil smile spreads across his face* “….Wait a minute. Did you say Friar Turk has been arrested?”

Miss Scarliss: “Yeah, that was in there somewhere.”

Prince Jofus: *face lights up* “That’s it!!! I’ll sentence him to death, and when ‘Rothin Hood and his band of merry jerks show up to save him, I’ll have them all arrested!! It’s the perfect trap!!!” *evil laughter* “Reeverd never thought of anything this evil!!!”

Miss Scarliss: “….That’s because he wasn’t evil.”

Prince Jofus: “Shut *up*! That is not why Daddy liked him better!!! Evil is fun, dammit!!!” *stamps foot and the crown falls off. Jofus kind of stares at it, chin trembling slightly*

(then we cut to the outside of the castle and hear *very* loudly)


(meanwhile, back in shimmerwood forest….the woods gang is hanging around, all except for little twohn. oh where could he be?)

Smell: “I wonder if anything’s going on in Nibelingheim.”

Insane: “We have to keep a low profile for awhile. You know, ’cause like prince Jerkface is after us.”

Smell: *laughs* “Heh heh, jerkface, that really sounds like his real name!!”

(all the sudden twohn frantically comes running in, out of breath)

Twohn: “‘Rothin! ‘Rothin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

‘Rothin Hood: “What is it, little Twohn?”

Twohn: “You’ll never BELIEVE what I just heard!”

Maid Larkian: “Oh no! What has the king done now?”

Twohn: “Practically the whole town’s been arrested for not being able to pay their stupid taxes! He’s even got Friar Turk, and he’s gonna have him killed tomorrow at dawn!!!”

Everyone: “WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?”

‘Rothin Hood: “Not Friar Turk!”

Irwhine: “He never hurt anyone!”

Maid Larkian: “Oh, this is terrible! We have to do something!”

‘Rothin Hood: “And do something we shall. We’ll break into that prison and get him out!”

Tseng: “It’ll be swarming with guards. I wouldn’t be surprised if this is all a trap to capture you, ‘Rothin.”

‘Rothin Hood: “That’s a chance I have to take.”

Maid Larkian: “Oh, ‘Rothin.”

‘Rothin Hood: “Come, we have much planning to do.”

(he gives larkian one last look and he and the guys go off, leaving her alone with tseng)

Maid Larkian: “…………….Tseng?”

Tseng: “…Yes?”

Maid Larkian: “……………..Do you really think Uncle Jofus set this trap to catch ‘Rothin?”

Tseng: “……Yes. I am sorry to say I do.”

Maid Larkian: “…………………………..”

(night at the castle. the sheriff stands outside the jail, the keys on his belt. he also has the keys to the friar’s cell around his neck. there seems to be no one else around as ‘rothin hood and the merry men sneak up and hide behind some bushes)

Insane: “Are you sure you want to go through with this plan, ‘Rothin?”

‘Rothin Hood: *nods*

Irwhine: “I think it might be hard on you.”

‘Rothin Hood: “I can do it.”

Twohn: “Let’s just start stabbing stuff!”

‘Rothin Hood: “No. We can’t cause a scene. This will work. Trust me.”

Guys: “We trust you.”

(rothin hood gets up and sneaks over to the sheriff *very* quietly. the sheriff has no idea that he’s coming up behind him. then rothin’ grabs him around the waist and claps a hand over his mouth. the sheriff struggles)

‘Rothin Hood: “Shush, darling. It’s only me.”

(the sheriff gets wide eyed, but he stops struggling)

‘Rothin Hood: “You still love me, don’t you?”

(the sheriff does nothing)

‘Rothin Hood: “I take that as a yes.” *nuzzles him*

(the sheriff leans back and shuts his eyes)

‘Rothin Hood: “I have not come around because I cannot go against you any longer. Not when I feel like I do.” *pause* “Do you believe me?”

(the sheriff nods)

‘Rothin Hood: “Good. Come then.”

(he drags the sheriff off, and the prison keys clatter to the ground, unnoticed by the sheriff. when they are gone, the merry men run up and grab the keys.)

Insane: “Worked like a charm.”

Twohn: “Let’s go! There’s no time to waste!!”

(meanwhile, larkian and tseng storm into the castle and go right up to prince jofus’ chamber)

Prince Jofus: *surprised* “Maid Larkian! You’ve returned!”

Maid Larkian: “UNCLE! I am FURIOUS! How can you do this to the town?! How can you do this to the people?!”

Tseng: “King Reeverd would be furious.”

Miss Scarliss: “Well King Reeverd isn’t here.”

Prince Jofus: “Quiet, Miss Scarliss! I’ll handle this!” *pause* “Well King Reeverd isn’t here!”

Maid Larkian: “Why must you kill Friar Turk? He’s a gentle man!”

Prince Jofus: “He used force against the sheriff.”

Tseng: “Since when is the penalty for that death?”

Prince Jofus: “Since I want ‘Rothin Hood *dead*.”

Tseng: *hisses* “I *knew* it, you *snake*.”

Maid Larkian: “Uncle Reeverd will have you thrown in prison when he returns!”

Prince Jofus: “You mean *if* he returns. I hear the war in Wutai is quite bad….many causalities.”

Tseng: *gasps* “No….”

Miss Scarliss: “Kya haa haa! He may never come back!”

Maid Larkian: “No! You *are* evil! You *are*!”

(she goes to attack him)

Prince Jofus: “GUARDS!!! SEIZE HER!!”

(some guards quickly apprehend her and hold her back. larkian struggles, but it’s no use)

Prince Jofus: “No one gets away with attacking the king!”

Maid Larkian: “You’re not the king! You’re the *phony* king! No one will ever respect you!”

Prince Jofus: “Throw her in jail!” *points to tseng* “Him too!!”

(the guards take larkian and tseng away)

Prince Jofus: “No one will stop me! NO ONE!” *crown falls off*

(meanwhile, back to the sheriff and ‘rothin….. ‘rothin has pinned the sheriff against the wall)

Sheriff: “You broke my heart, ‘Rothin. When you fell for *her*.”

‘Rothin Hood: “……..I know.”

Sheriff: “I’ve missed you.”

‘Rothin Hood: “………………”

Sheriff: “I’m so glad to have you back.”

‘Rothin Hood: “……………….”

Sheriff: “What’s wrong?”

‘Rothin Hood: “What?”

Sheriff: “You’re not speaking.”

‘Rothin Hood: “I’m sorry, I–“

Sheriff: “Kiss me.”

(and he does, snaking a hand around the sheriff neck. he manages to unhook the chain the key is on and takes it into his hand. then he tears himself away)

Sheriff: “What is it?”

‘Rothin Hood: “I’m sorry.”

Sheriff: *eyes widen* “………..No.”

(in seconds rothin opens a nearby door, shoves the sheriff inside, shuts it, and puts a bolt across it)

Sheriff: *banging on the door* “You liar!!!!! You liar, ‘Rothin Hood!”

(‘rothin hood stands still for another second before he hurries off. we cut to inside the room, where the sheriff is half heartedly banging on the door, tears running down his face)

Sheriff: *crying* “That liar… The liar…”

(then he hears a noise behind him and turns around)

Sheriff: “Who’s there?”

(suddenly latrojo comes into view)

Latrojo: *rubs hands together* “Looks like the prince kept his end of the bargain.”

(we cut to the outside of the room, and then we hear, loud and clear, the sheriff screaming at the top of his lungs. meanwhile, in the prison, the merry men have let all the citizens out. they are letting out the last batch, squappy and his pals, when they hear footsteps approaching.)

Iwrhine: “Who’s that?”

Squappy: “Guards. Probably have more people.”

Smell: “Hurry and get out of here, Squappy.”

(squappy and his friends run off, and irwhine, twohn, smell and insane duck down and watch silently as some guards shove larkian and tseng into a cell, laugh at them, and go off again)

Insane: “He arrested Larkian now?! How crazy is this prince?!”

Smell: *punches air* “He’s the prince of jerks!”

Insane, Twohn and Irwhine: *blink*

Irwhine: “Uh…let’s just get them out.”

(they get up and insane gets the keys and starts to unlock the cell)

Maid Larkian: “Insane! Irwhine! Smell!! Little Twohn!! The plan worked! You freed everyone!”

Irwhine: “Of course we did! We’re the good guys!”

(they let larkian and tseng out)

Tseng: *sniff* “Do you really think King Reeverd will die in Wutai?”

Insane: “He had better not! Cause once we get rid of his dumbass brother he’s gonna come back and everything’ll be fine again!”

Twohn: “And those wanted posters of ‘Rothin are gonna come *down*!”

Maid Larkian: “Wait a minute–have you freed Friar Turk?”

Twohn: “That’s ‘Rothin’s job. He can handle it. Let’s go.”

(they run out. meanwhile, in the castle, miss scarliss and prince jofus are sitting around eating grapes and acting like the rich jerks they are. suddenly, the sheriff runs up, latrojo right behind him)

Sheriff: “Your highness! ‘Rothin’ Hood is here! He broke into the jail and is freeing everyone!”

Prince Jofus: *jumps to his feet* “WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!”

Sheriff: “You *heard* what I said! GO GET HIM!”

Prince Jofus: “You can’t order me around! I’m the KING!” *narrows eyes* “I don’t suppose you helped him!”

Sheriff: “HELPED him?! NEVER!”

Prince Jofus: “Miss Scarliss told me about your past with that band.”

Sheriff: “What’s past is past. Now if you want to catch this *bastard*, you’ll help me!”

Latrojo: “But we weren’t finished yet!”

Sheriff: “Oh, we were SO finished.”

Miss Scarliss: *squints* “Have you been crying?”

Sheriff: “What does it matter? Let’s GO!”

Prince Jofus: “He’s right! We have to catch ‘Rothin Hood!” *jumps up and the crown falls off* “Oh, SCREW IT! RUN!!!”

(they all run out. meanwhile, ‘rothin hood is just coming to friar turk’s cell. the friar is looking pretty depressed, but he looks up when he hears the jingle of keys)

Friar Turk: “….’Rothin Hood?”

‘Rothin Hood: “Shush. I’ve come to get you out of here.”

Friar Turk: “Oh, I knew you would come!”

(rothin hood opens the cell door)

‘Rothin Hood: “Come on. We have to get out of here.”

(but as soon  as they go to leave their path is blocked by jofus, miss scarliss, the sheriff and latrojo)

Prince Jofus: “Going somewhere, ‘Rothin *Hood*?”

‘Rothin Hood: *looks at them all nervously*

Miss Scarliss: “We’ve got you now! Kya haa haa!!”

Sheriff: “Did you really think you were going to get away with that??”

‘Rothin Hood: *glares at him* “I almost did. You’re *weak*.”

(the sheriff goes to grab an arrow from the thing on his back, but the prince stops him)

Prince Jofus: “No, Sheriff. We want them to *hang*.” *smiles coldly at rothin hood* “There’s no one to help you now, ‘Rothin Hood. Your friends are long gone.”

????: “So says you!”

(suddenly a group appears behind rothin’ hood and friar turk–little twohn, insane, irwhine, smell, maid larkian, tseng and someone else…)

King Reeverd: “There are those who never betray those they love.” *glares at jofus* “*Brother*.”

Miss Scarliss: *jaw hits the floor* “K-King Reeverd! Y-you’re alive!!”

King Reeverd: “That’s right. Nice try, Miss Scarliss. You’re under arrest.”

Tseng: “Whoo hoo!”

Miss Scarliss: *hangs head* “Sucks to be me.”

Prince Jofus: “B-but brother! I-I was only trying to do what I thought you wanted!”

King Reeverd: “Don’t give me that bull.” *holds out his hand* “Give me my crown.”

Prince Jofus: *hesitates a long time before begrudgingly handing it over* “It didn’t fit me anyway.”

King Reeverd: “Oh, by the way, you’re under arrest. You all are.”

Prince Jofus: “What?! But Brother!”

King Reeverd: “Don’t try begging now, brother. You sealed your own fate.” *calls* “GUARDS!”

(a bunch of guards come)

King Reeverd: “Take these people away.”

(the guards grab jofus, miss scarliss, the sheriff and latrojo)

Latrojo: “What did I do?!”

King Reeverd: *gives him a look*

Latrojo: “Oh yeah.” *pause* “But that’s not related to this!!”

Sheriff: *glares at ‘rothin* “I’ll curse you to the day I die.”

‘Rothin Hood: “Jealousy is a *terrible* thing, isn’t it?” *smiles smugly*

King Reeverd: “Take them away.”

(the bad guys are dragged off)

Maid Larkian: “Oh, ‘Rothin! I’m so glad you’re safe!” *hugs him*

‘Rothin Hood: “Now we can finally get married…..that is if I’m no longer an outlaw.”

King Reeverd: “Oh, I believe you deserve a full pardon.”

Smell: “OHHHH YEAHHHH!!!” *jumps into the air*

Insane: “You’re a dork.”

King Reeverd: *coughs* “Oh, by the way, Aide Tseng, I have something I need to discuss with you.”

Tseng: “What would that be sir?”

King Reeverd: “You’ll see. Just come see me later in my chambers.”

Tseng: “Oh….okay, sir.” *small smile*

Frair Turk: “Well looks like everything’s back to normal! We have our real king back, our phony king has been arrested, everyone has been let free, and ‘Rothin Hood is no longer an outlaw. I’d call this a happy ending.”

Twohn: “Yeah, whatever. Happy endings are sappy and stupid.”

Irwhine: “We could have had you killed off. Then that would have been a bittersweet ending.”

Twohn: “……….Never mind. Go happy ending!!! Ooh-dee-lally!”

Everyone: *gives him a weird look*

Twohn: *looks sheepish* “‘Rothin said it first!! Honest!”

(and that’s the end of lark’s dream. she awakes slowly, and apparently the movie is over, because now the tv is on, must be pokemon, because brock is on the screen, but seph and vincent are apparently paying no attention to it. lark is lying across both their laps and looking straight up to see vincent is kissing seph, and vincent is like a billion times more into the kiss than seph, who is half heartedly kissing back. lark freezes a moment, not sure what to do, and finally she decides to quietly clear her throat)

Lark: *ahem*

(sephiroth pushes vincent away very quickly, and vincent looks pretty annoyed)

Sephiroth: “Hey, Lark. Did you have a nice nap?”

Lark: “….I guess.”

Sephiroth: “Any interesting dreams?”

Lark: “No…. No, not at all.” *looks at vincent*

Vincent: *looking at seph* “I suppose I should be going.”

Lark: “NO!!!” *clears throat* “No. You stay. I… I’m going to go hobble around for awhile and sees how everyone is doing.” *she struggles to her feet*

Sephiroth: “Lark, you want me to–“

Lark: “No!” *clears throat* “No, no, Sephiroth, I’m…I’m fine.” *gives him a smile and hops off*

Sephiroth: *sighs in annoyance and mutters something as he sits*

Vincent: “……………………”

(then, in the background, from another room, we hear…)

Reno’s voice: “BUD!”

Irvine’s voice: “WISE!”

Zell’s voice: “ER!!!”

Reno, Irvine and Zell: *laugh hysterically*

Rufus’ voice: *whines* “You guys!! I thought we were going to do a movie scene!”

Reno’s voice: “Shut up and hold that camera straight!”

Rufus’ voice: “I *am*!”

Irvine’s voice: “Are not! You’re gonna drop it!!”

(seph and vincent look at each other like ‘what idiots they are’)

Rufus’s voice: “I will–” *crash* “DAMMIT!!!!!”

(vincent and seph both crack smiles)


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