#67 – Sun, Sleds and Snow

Squall: “I think I got snow in places I didn’t know I had.”

Originally Published: 1/12/01 . 21 pages

The ramble gang decides to take a day and go sledding! Seifer just bought a new sled and Rufus has made the best hot chocolate ever! Now they just have to keep Reno from getting arrested…

Ramble Milestones
-First time we learn Reno does not have a driver’s license.

This ramble was the winter equivalent of ramble #8, where we headed to the beach and a few similar things happened. This ramble is pretty ho-hum. The best parts all involve Reno – first with his illegal fire, and then his getting arrested.

(lark, seph, rufus, irvine, squall, rinoa, Ashley, Noelle, seifer, shell, reno, rude and zell are all in the ramble room…)

Ashley: “Wonder what the weather’s like outside.”

Sephiroth: “Too bad there are no *windows*.”

Lark: “So sue me.”

Sephiroth: “I can’t. Rufus owns my lawyer, remember?”

Rufus: *pouting* “But I don’t own my amusement park anymore.”

Shell: “So how come you’re so mad, Rufus? You own everything else.”

Rufus: “They turned the whole thing into yaoi land!”

Lark: “Yeah, I’m going soon to check it out.”

Everyone: *sweat drops*

Squall: “Whatever.”

(just then JT comes running in, grinning)

JT: “Guess what?”

Everyone: *blinks*

JT: *sigh* “You guys are no fun. Anyway, it’s *snowing* out!”

Lark: “Ooh! I love snow!”

(everyone runs out to the porch to look)

Irvine: “It’s coming down like cats and dogs!”

Zell: “Hey, Lark, if I find a puppy, can I keep it?”

Everyone: *sweat drops*

JT: “I’ve never seen snow before.”

Noelle: “Isn’t it great?”

Ashley: “It’s so pretty.”

Lark: “I love snow.”

Rufus: *trying to keep warm* “It’s cold.”

Reno: “Thank you for your amazing discovery, Professor.”

Rufus: *glares* “That wasn’t neccessary.”

Reno: “Says you.”

Rinoa: “Why don’t we go out and play in it? We can go to the national park and go sleigh riding and build snowmen and stuff.”

Ashley: “Good idea for once, crackwhore.”

Seifer: “Yeah! Let’s go to the park! I just bought a new sled!”

Squall: “*That’s* what you were saving for these past seven months?”

Seifer: *hangs head* “Quiet, Squall! It was the best  8 dollars and 21 cents I ever spent.”

Irvine: “What are we all waiting for? Let’s all get ready and giddiup!”

Everyone: *blinks*

Irvine: *hangs head* “Let’s just get ready and go.”


(so everyone goes and changes, and then they get their sleds and go to the park. they all get out of the car and stand around. seifer, JT, squall and rufus have sleds. rufus also has a thermos, and reno has a….cooler?)

Lark: “Reno, dare I ask what’s in the cooler?”

Reno: “Beer, of course! I don’t go anywhere without it!”

Noelle: “Stupid drunk.”

Rufus: “Reno, you’re stupid to drink something cold in cold weather.” *grins proudly* “I made myself the greatest hot chocolate.” *holds up thermos* “I put in the right amount of chocolately goodness and just enough mini-marshmallows!”

Everyone: *blinks*

Sephiroth: “Are you quite finished?”

Zell: “Let’s go have some fun in the snow!”

Seifer: “Shut up, chicken-wuss!”

(they all start walking towards the hill)

Reno: “My ears are cold.”

Rufus: “You should have worn earmuffs like me.”

Reno: “Earmuffs are for girls.”

Rude: “I’m wearing earmuffs, man.”

Reno: “Yeah, well, that ain’t saying much.”

Rude: *frowns*

Lark: *pulls on some of seph’s hair* “Sephy-sama…”

Sephiroth: “What?”

Lark: “No ponytail?”

Sephiroth: “Ponytail?”

Lark: “The wind’s gonna blow your hair around.”

Sephiroth: “I’ll be fine, woman.”

Lark: *shrugs* “If you say so.”

Ashley: *points* “Oh look. There’s a bench. I’m up for that.”

Noelle: “Me too.”

Irvine: “We can put our stuff down over there.”

(they all go over and reno puts down the cooler, and rufus puts down his thermos)

Seifer: “Last one to the hill’s a chicken-wuss!”

(seifer, zell, squall, rinoa and JT run off)

Rufus: *looks hesitant* “I don’t wanna leave my hot chocolate.”

Ashley: “Oh please. I’ll watch it. Go sledding.”

Rufus: “You didn’t do such a good job watching my sandwich that time!” *reflective* “That was the greatest sandwich ever…”

Ashley: “I’ll watch your hot chocolate! No one will drink it.”

Rufus: *points at her* “You better not fail me!” *runs off*

Reno: “All right, let’s break out the beer.”

Noelle: “You haven’t even been here five minutes, jerk!”

Reno: “Who wants one?”

Irvine: “Me!”

Reno: “Rude?”

Rude: “No, thanks.” *to shell* “…Shell….I was wondering…. Would you like to build a snowman with me?”

Shell: “Sure! Let’s go!” *drags rude off*

Lark: *sigh* “I wish I could go sledding but all the sleds are taken and there’s nothing to ride.”

Sephiroth: *mumbles* “You could ride me.”

Lark: “Huh?”

Sephiroth: “Nothing.” *brushes hair outta face* “This is getting asslancing.”

Lark: “I told ya to make a ponytail. Want me to do it for you?”

Sephiroth: “….Fine.”

Lark: “Yay!” *gets behind him*

Irvine: *chuckles* “Hey, Reno, you sure you’re allowed to have glass bottles in the park?”

Reno: “Ha ha. Very funny.”

Lark: “Okay, Seph my pet, you’re done.”

Sephiroth: “What’d you call me?”

Lark: “I’m just joking. Relax.” *pause* “You sure you don’t—”

Sephiroth: “Don’t even *think* about braiding it.”

Lark: *garden snap* “You know me too well.” *grins devilishly and pulls on his ponytail* “Hehe.”

Sephiroth: *warning* “Lark…”

Lark: “Yes?” *pulls it again*

Sephiroth: “You’re asking for it.”

Lark: “You bet I am!” *pulls again*

Sephiroth: “That’s it!”

(seph gets to his feet and starts chasing lark)

Reno: “So, Irvine, you gonna go sledding at all?”

Irvine: “Maybe later. You?”

Reno: “If you get me drunk enough, maybe.”

Noelle: “Jackass.”

(seifer comes over)

Seifer: “Hey, Ashley. Wanna try out my sled?”

Ashley: “Will you pull me back up the hill?”

Seifer: “Do I have to?”

Ashley: “Yes!”

Seifer: *mumbles* “Fine.”

(they leave)

Reno: “Hey, Noelle—you wanna beer?”

Noelle: “Don’t be a jerk for once, Reno. You know I gave that up.”

Reno: “Oh yeah. I kinda forgot after that whole New Years thing.”

Noelle: “Shut up!” *pouts*

Irvine: “Hey, look what I did!” *points to where he has buried his beer bottle a little in the snow to keep it up*

Reno: “Genius!” *does the same*

Noelle: “Gimme a break.” *shakes head*

(meanwhile, in the lark/seph chase, lark trips in the snow and falls flat on her face)

Lark: “Umph!” *turns on her back* “Oops!”

Sephiroth: *standing over her* “I’ve got you now.”

Lark: *sighs and puts her hands up* “At least help me up.”

(seph does, but then she playfully pushes him down and runs off)

Sephiroth: “WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” *gets up and chases*


Irvine: *gets up* “Here’s my favorite part.” *grins*

Lark: *jumps into his arms* “Protect me!”

Irvine: “Of course. Wouldn’t want the big bad angel to hurt you.” *winks at seph*

Sephiroth: “Very funny.”

Lark: “I’m sorry for pulling your hair, Sephy-sama, but you know I like to pull things.”

Sephiroth: “Oh really?”

Lark: “You can put me down now, Irvine.”

Irvine: *does and tips his hat* “Anytime.”

Reno: “Irvine, your beer’s getting cold.”

Irvine: “Very funny.” *sits*

(lark and seph sit too, and zell comes over, rubbing his hands together)

Zell: “Boy, it’s sure cold out.”

Noelle: “Really. Because I thought it snowed in warm weather.”

Zell: “I was only making a comment! Geez.” *looks around* “Anything to warm me up?” *spots thermos* “Ah, looks good!” *picks it up and opens it* “Ooh! Hot chocolate! With ooh! Mini marshmallows! All right!” *chugs it all down* “Ah. Much better.” *drops the thermos and leaves*

(squall comes over, shivering)

Squall: “I think I got snow in places I didn’t know I had.”

Everyone: *blinks*

Squall: “It’s not what you think.”

Irvine: “Riiiiiiiiight.”

Squall: “Isn’t there any way to warm up?”

Noelle: “Unfortunately not.”

Squall: “Whatever. See ya.” *leaves*

Reno: “Maybe I should build a fire for warmth.”

Noelle: “Are you crazy? You can’t build a fire in a park! It’s illegal!”

Reno: “It’s a damn forest! I can build a fire wherever the hell I want and no smokey the bear’s gonna tell me otherwise.” *gets up* “Help me look for sticks, Irvine.”

Irvine: “I don’t wanna be arrested.”

Reno: “Come on!”

(he drags irvine to his feet and drags him off)

Lark: “Now that he mentioned it, I *am* kinda cold.”

Sephiroth: “I’ll warm you.” *pats his lap*

Lark: “All right.”

(she sits on his lap and he cuddles her. then rufus returns)

Rufus: *looks pleased* “Boy, I’ve been looking forward to this hot chocolate!” *picks up thermos and looks surprised* “Whoa. When they said it was lightweight they weren’t kidding.” *opens it* “What the…” *peers in and then looks up looking very upset* “ASHLEY! YOU SAID YOU WOULD WATCH IT!”

Noelle: “She went sledding.”

Rufus: “This is the SECOND time I’ve been screwed out of something I so lovingly prepared!”

Sephiroth: “Oh shut up, Shinra.”

Rufus: “If it was your taste treat, you’d be complaining too.”

Sephiroth: “I wouldn’t call it a taste treat, that’s for one thing.”

Rufus: *crosses arms* “Well….this sucks!”

Lark: “Aw….poor Rufus.”

Sephiroth: “Don’t feel sorry for him. He should know better than to trust a stupid woman to watch it.” *pause* “Whoops.”

Lark: *gasp* “Did you said what I *think* you said?!?!?”

Sephiroth: *sweat drops* “Um, no?”

Lark: “Sephiroth…”

Sephiroth: *squeaks* “What?”

Lark: “Start running.”

(seph runs for it, and lark follows)

Rufus: “What about my hot chocolate?!”

(reno comes back with irvine, and they’re both carrying wood)

Rufus: “Reno! Did you drink my hot chocolate?!”

Reno: “Rufus, why the hell would I drink your dumb hot chocolate when I have beer?”

Rufus: *blinks* “Makes sense.” *frowns* “That’s it! I’m going to yell at Ashley!!”

(rufus starts walking away, but his eyes widen as he sees sephiroth running toward him)

Sephiroth: “RUFUS! MOVE!”

Rufus: “Ack!” *is knocked down by seph* “Get offa me, you fool! You’re crushing the President of Shinra!”

Sephiroth: *gets up* “Dumbass! I told you to move!”

Rufus: “What, when you were two inches in front of me?” *flips hair back* “I just think you’re attracted to me.”

Sephiroth: “Yeah right! Now help me!”

Rufus: “With what?”


Sephiroth: *face down in the snow* “That.”

Rufus: *laughs* “I’d rather not.”

Sephiroth: *gets up spitting up snow* “That was not funny.”

Rufus: “Says you.”

Sephiroth: *starts dragging lark and rufus towards the hill* “That’s it. Let’s go.”

Lark: “Uh-oh…”

(meanwhile, reno and irvine dump the wood down)

Irvine: “This is *so* illegal.”

Reno: “Shut up and put it in a big pile so I can light it on fire.”

Noelle: “I am not with you two.”

(irvine assembles the sticks, reno gets out a match and lights it on fire)

Reno: “There we go! Now we’ll be nice and warm!”

Irvine: *mumbles* “Yeah, when we wind up in prison.”

(sephiroth is still dragging lark and rufus along…)

Rufus: *whispers to lark* “I think Sephiroth is attracted to me.”

Sephiroth: “I can hear you, jackass!”

Lark: “He is not, Rufus, he hates you.”

Sephiroth: “Thank you, Lark.”

Lark: “But I think he might like Irvine.” *giggles*

Sephiroth: “WOMAN! That is NOT funny!!”

Zell: “Help!”

Lark: “Wait a sec, do you hear Zell?”

Sephiroth: “Is he dying?”

Lark: “I don’t think so.”

Sephiroth: “Then I don’t care to watch.”

Lark: “Sephy!!”

(she goes over to find zell buried in the snow)

Zell: “Lark! Help me!”

Lark: “Zell… I should have expected this to happen.”

Zell: “Seifer said we were gonna play a game, but then he just buried me in the snow and ran off.”

Sephiroth: “You know you fell for the same thing at the beach, right?”

Zell: “Did not!!”

Sephiroth: “Did too, dumbass.”

Zell: *whines* “Shut up and get me out!”

(lark, rufus and sephiroth dig zell out)

Zell: *stands* “Thanks! I’ll never fall for that one again.”

Lark, Rufus and Sephiroth: *blink*

Zell: “What?”

Sephiroth: “Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.”

Zell: *flips out* “Are you insulting my intelligence, ‘Roth?”

Sephiroth: “Yes. Yes I am.”

Zell: “That’s it!” *runs for seph*

Sephiroth: *runs the hell away*

Lark and Rufus: *laugh*

Rufus: *wipes a tear from his eye* “Oh man. Now *that’s* an image I will never forget. Sephiroth running away from Zell. Oh man. Almost makes you feel better about yourself.”

Lark: “Oh, look, he fell in the snow again. His face is going to be numb by the end of the day, I swear.”

Rufus and Lark: “………………….”

Rufus: “Well that was fun. Let’s go sledding.”

Lark: “Yeah, let’s.” *they go off*

(Ashley returns to the others with seifer)

Ashley: “Hey, Seifer, when you ran off to play with Zell, you didn’t bury him in the snow, did you?”

Seifer: “No way!”

Ashley: “You didn’t do anything else to him, did you?”

Seifer: “Ew, no! What are you implying?!”

Ashley: “Eh, with some of you guys you never know.” *spots the fire reno and irvine have made* “Um, what the hell is that?”

Noelle: “A sure fire way to get arrested.”

Reno: *laughing* “A sure *fire*!!! Hahahahahahahahahahaha! Good one, Noelle!”

Noelle: “Weirdo…” *inches away from him*

Ashley: “Reno, are you drunk?”

Reno: “No.”

Ashley: “Are you *sure*?”

Reno: “Yes!!”

Ashley: “Works for me.” *sits*

Seifer: “Hey, where are Rude and Shell?”

Reno: “They’re ‘building a snowman’.” *wink*

Irvine: “Actually, Reno, knowing them they probably are.”

Reno: “Oh yeah. You’re right. Forget my whole suggestive undertone.”

(just then sephiroth comes running by with zell in pursuit. sephiroth kicks seifer)

Seifer: “Ow! Hey, what was that for?”

Sephiroth: “For burying Zell in the snow and making me make fun of him!”

(zell runs by and kicks seifer)

Seifer: “Ow, hey! What’s that all about, chicken-wuss!?”

Zell: “For burying me in the snow, jerk!”

Seifer: “That’s it!!” *gets up and runs after them*

Ashley: “That’s going to have disastrous results.”

Noelle: “Kinda like this fire?”

Reno: “Stop dissin’ the fire! It’s keeping you warm, ain’t it?”

Noelle: “………….That’s beside the point.”

(lark and rufus return)

Lark: “You’ve got a great sled, Rufus!”

Rufus: “I know.” *grins*

Everyone: *blink*

Reno: “Were you really sledding?”

Lark and Rufus: *as if it’s obvious* “Yes….”

Reno: “Cause when you were talking about the sled right now, that sounded pretty perverted.”

Lark: *smacks him on the arm* “Reno! We were talking about a *sled*! Stop taking everything the wrong way!”

Ashley: *cough* “Like someone else we know.” *coughs again and points to lark*

Lark: *still talking to reno* “What, did you think we were making out in the snow? It’s freezing out! Who’s dumb enough to do that?”

(rinoa comes up, teeth chattering)

Rinoa: “Hey, everyone. Boy, it’s cold out.”

Everyone: *blink*

Irvine: “Um, it would help if you had a jacket.”

Rinoa: “Oh right!” *leaves*

Reno: “Well, Lark, there’s your answer right there.”

Ashley: *mutters* “Crackwhore.”

(shell and rude come over)

Shell: “Hey, everyone! Our snowman is done! It’s the best snowman ever! It won first prize in the contest!”

Lark: “There was a contest?”

Reno: “I miss lotsa stuff.”

Rude: “Who built that highly illegal fire?”

Reno: “Forget that. Tell us more about the snowman.”

Shell: “It’s a model of Sephiroth.”

Everyone: *mumbles like they don’t care*

Lark: “Hey! I wanna see it!!” *starts dragging rufus over*

(they all go over to see it, and, as expected, it really is an excellent copy of sephiroth…if he was made of snow)

Shell: “Isn’t it great? Rude did most of it, cause Rude’s so great.”

Rude: “My hands are really cold, Shell. Can you warm them up for me?”

Shell: “Yeah, yeah, later, when the glory’s over.” *to the others* “They took our picture for the paper and everything!”

Reno: “You’re pretty good with your hands, Rude.”

Lark: *snort*

Reno: “Okay, Lark, let’s not get like me now.”

Lark: “It really is very nice, you guys. Very….*very* nice…”

Rufus: “That’s what Sephiroth’s gonna look like by the end of the day, right, Lark?” *turns to lark* “Lark!”

Lark: *snaps out of daze* “What? Oh right, cause he keeps falling in the snow.” *pats rufus on the shoulder* “I love you, Rufus.”

Rufus: *grins widely*

Shell: “Nothing better happen to this one!”

(as if on cue, sephiroth, zell and seifer come running towards it, all in a row.)

Seifer: “You won’t get away with saying that, chicken-wuss!” *leaps to the ground and grabs zells ankles*

Zell: “Argh, Seifer!!” *falls and tries to grab onto seph to keep himself up, but he only ends up dragging him down*

Sephiroth: “Oh no! Not again!”

Everyone: *gasps*

(but miraculously enough, sephiroth falls just falls short of the snowman)

Everyone: “Phew.”

Sephiroth: *comes up spitting up snow* “I HATE SNOW!!! I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!!”

(suddenly the snowman just crumbles and collapses)

Everyone: *blinks*

Reno: “What the hell….?”

Irvine: “Looks like ‘Roth destroyed himself with his own voice.”

Rufus: “If only that could happen in real life.”

Sephiroth: “Wait, what? What happened?”

Shell: *cries* “Not again! Another beautiful creation!”

Rude: *holds her* “It’s okay, Shell, we’ll make a new one.”

(seifer, zell and sephiroth get up and brush themselves off)

Lark: “Hey, Sephiroth, you can now add to your list of powers your amazing ability to collapse snow with your loud and obnoxious voice.”

Sephiroth: “It is NOT obnoxious, WOMAN!”

Lark: “I’m just kidding, sweetheart.” *kisses him on the cheek and heads back to the bench*

Sephiroth: *blinks* “Uh, wait a minute, Lark! Wanna make fun of me some more? I can get even more upset!!” *goes after her*

(they all return to the bench…which is partly on fire)

Noelle: *gasps* “RENO!”

Reno: “Oh, sh*t.” *starts throwing snow on it*

Irvine: “I told you not to build it!” *helps*

Zell: “This is funny!”

Seifer: “Yeah, it’s funny cause we didn’t do it!”

Lark: *shakes her head* “I am not seeing this… I am not seeing this….”

Reno: *sigh of relief* “See? All better.”

Irvine: “You can still tell it was on fire.”

Reno: “No you can’t, Irvine. You’re crazy.”

Irvine: *rolls eyes* “Yeah, alright, Reno.”

Noelle: “You’re a moron, Reno! Can’t even watch your own fire.”

Reno: “I know I can’t control my fire for you, baby.” *grins*

Noelle: “Ew, gross!” *pushes him away*

Sephiroth: “Well, let’s go. I’m cold and annoyed.”

Lark: “Aw….poor baby!” *hugs seph*

Shell: *sniff* “You’re gonna….buy me….lotsa stuff…to make up for it, right, Rude?” *smiles hopefully at him*

Rude: “Of course, honey. Lots and lots of stuff.”

(JT returns)

JT: “I love snow! It’s so cold and….wet.”

Reno: “Okay, I’m not even gonna comment.”

JT: “I had fun! Can we go sledding again sometime?”

Lark: “Maybe when Sephiroth recovers.”

Sephiroth: *whimpers* “I hate snow.”

JT: “What happened to him?”

Lark: *mouths* “It’s best not to ask.”

Reno: “Look we did not get arrested for the fire. Now I’m gonna go warm up the car.”

Noelle: “I’ll come, but only because I want to sit in the warm car.” *they go off*

Lark: *goes to speak*

Ashley: *holds up a hand* “Don’t even say it, Lark. Don’t even say it.”

Irvine: “Um, and Rinoa and Squall would be….??”

(just then rinoa and squall come up…she’s wearing his pants and hat and scarf…and he’s wearing hers)

Everyone: *blink*

Seifer: *laughs* “Squall’s a girl!!”

Rinoa: “What’s wrong?”

Irvine: “You should have been a little more careful when you were getting redressed, if you know what I mean.” *wink*

Rinoa: *hand to her head* “Oh, crap.”

Ashley: “Stupid crackwhore.”

Squall: *shrugs* “Whatever.”

Lark: *still hugging seph* “All right, let’s just go back to the car and go home.”

(they start walking)

Irvine: “I can’t believe Reno wasn’t arrested for that fire.”

(meanwhile, back at the car….Noelle is sitting in it, warming up, while reno wipes the snow off)

Reno: *furrows brow* “What’s this?” *pulls a yellow slip of paper out* “What’s this? A parking ticket?!?! What the hell! I’m not paying any parking ticket!!” *rips it up*

Cop: *taps reno on the shoulder* “Excuse me, sir.”

Reno: *not turning around* “Yeah, Irvine. Ha ha. Very funny.”

Cop: “You know it’s against the law to rip up a ticket, don’t you, *Reno*?”

Reno: *still not turning around* “Yeah, but only if there’s a cop around to nab ya!”

Cop: “You also know you are operating this vehicle without a license, don’t you?”

Reno: “Well, *duh*! After you get caught DWI that many times they gotta take it away!”

Cop: “You also realize you were intending to drive with a beer in your hand, correct?”

Reno: “Who doesn’t?”

Cop: *handcuffs reno* “You have the right to remain silent.”

Reno: “Irvine, ew! Don’t put those things on me! I don’t know where they’ve been–” *turns and pales* “Oh crap. This is so not funny.”

Cop: “The law isn’t funny, Mr. Reno.” *starts dragging him away*

Reno: “Noelle! Noelle, help me!!!”

Noelle: *waves out the window with an evil grin* “Bye bye, Reno-chan!!”

(a minute or so later everyone else returns and they all pile into the car)

Everyone: “……………………..”

Zell: “Um, why aren’t we moving?”

Rufus: “Where’s that bum Reno?”

Noelle: *filing nails* “Oh yeah, he got arrested for a whole bunch of driving violations.”

Irvine: “Oh the irony.”

Seifer: “I’ll drive.”

Everyone: “OH NO!!!!!”

(meanwhile, reno is trying to call the ramble room)

Reno: “Someone pick up…Someone pick up…”

Answering machine: “Hello, you have reached the ramble room. Please leave a message after the beep, and we’ll return your call as soon as possible. Thanks!”

Reno: *jaw drops* “Answering machine?!? Since when did we get an answering machine?!”

Answering machine: *beeps*

Reno: “Guys, this is Reno. I’m in….uh…prison. This is my one phone call. Someone come bail me out? Please? Pretty pretty please? I love you guys? Please?” *sigh* “Hope to see you soon!! …Bye.”

(meanwhile in the ramble room, we see Noelle, who has just heard reno’s message, laughing and going out the door, dropping the box for the answering machine in the wastebasket on her way out)


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