#9 – Sun, Sand and Seaweed

Rufus: “I made myself the greatest sandwich.”

Originally Published: 6/21/00 . 16 pages

The ramble gang is in for more than some sun and swimming when they take a day trip to the beach.

Ramble Milestones
-Shell and Rude do something together.
-Reno’s first arrest. That we see, anyway.
-Rude demonstrates his talent for building sandcastles – the first of many talents he displays over the course of the rambles.

I really like this ramble – it’s definitely one of my favorite early ones. It’s packed full of classic moments, like Rufus’ sandwich, Rinoa and Squall’s disappearing clothes, and of course Reno’s arrest. This is one of those rambles that’s basically just a string of events based on a certain location, but I think it works. And it proves a ramble doesn’t have to have a plot to work.

(Lark, Noelle, Ashley, Shell, Sephiroth, Rufus, Squall, Rinoa, Seifer, Zell, Reno and Rude are all hanging out in the room, really bored and really hot)

Sephiroth: *sweat dripping down his face* “It’s so hot in here, woman! Get some air conditioning!”

Lark: *hanging off a chair and fanning herself with a notebook* “Hey, I can barely pay for all those expensive phone calls you people have been making. You can’t expect me to buy an air conditioner!”

Rufus: “I’ve been paying for those phone calls.”

Lark: “See…I can’t even pay for the phone calls.”

Reno: *whining* “We can’t even open a window! There aren’t any!”

Noelle: “Too bad we don’t have a pool…”

Shell: “I should have stayed home. I could have gone in my own pool.”

Seifer: “Hey! Let’s go to your house!”

Shell: *screams* “NO WAY!”

Rude: “………….what about the beach?”

Shell: “Huh? Did you say something, Rude?”

Rude: “Oh…yeah. What about the beach?”

Shell: *face lights up* “Hey! That’s a great idea! Let’s go to the beach!”

Lark: “How are we gonna get there?”

Sephiroth: “Hey, didn’t you Final Fantasy 8 jerks go to the beach not too long ago?”

Seifer: “Yeah….” *pokes Squall* “Hey, Squall! Let’s go to the beach!”

Squall: “…Okay.”

Rinoa: “Yeah! I love the beach!”

Ashley: *mumbles* “Stupid crack whore.”

Lark: “Like I said before, how are we going to get there?”

Seifer: “We’ll use Squall’s car.”

Noelle: “We can’t all fit in Squall’s car!”

Rufus: “Hmmmm….I suppose we could take the Highwind.”

Lark: “Won’t Cid be mad?”

Rufus: *shrugs* “That’s not my problem. Besides, it was mine first.”

Reno: *halfway out the door* “Sounds good to me! Let’s go!” *he goes to leave but nearly runs into Irvine* “Hey, Irvine! We’re going to the beach! Wanna come?”

Irvine: *backing up, waving his hands* “No! No, no, no! I’ll stay here, thanks!”

Lark: “Oh come on, Irvine. I don’t go in the water either. We could build a sandcastle…or something.”

Sephiroth: *mumbles* “Right….”

Irvine: *sighs* “Okay…….I’ll go get my bathing suit.”

Ashley: “Yeah! We’re going to the beach!”

Rinoa: “This is going to be fun!”

Ashley: *glares at her* “Shut up.”

(Lark, Shell, Noelle, Ashley, Sephiroth (who has his hair pulled back in a pony tail), Irvine, Rufus, Reno, Squall, Rinoa, Zell, and Seifer enter the beach carrying towels, umbrellas, a cooler, and wearing their bathing suits)

Reno: “Ow! The sand is hot!”

Noelle: “I told you to wear sandals!”

Reno: “Sandals are for girls.”

Rude: “Hey, man, I’m wearing sandals.”

Rufus: “Me too!”

Reno: *sweat drops* “Did I say sandals are for girls? I meant….they’re for….never mind.”

Lark: *pulls on Sephiroth’s pony tail* “Hehe!”

Sephiroth: *whirls around* “Stop it, woman!”

Lark: *laughs* “I can’t help it! It’s so cute!”

Sephiroth: “I am not cute!”

Lark: *pulls his hair again* “Yes you are!” *starts running*

Sephiroth: “Hey!” *runs after her*

Irvine: *nervously* “We don’t have to go near the water, right?”

Zell: *laughs* “Ha ha! What’s the matter, Irvine? Don’t like to get your hair wet?”

Irvine: “Zell, shut your mouth before I embarrass you in front of the whole beach…and you know how.”

Zell: *holding onto his bathing suit* “Eh heh heh….never mind.”

Squall: *drops everything he’s carrying* “This is a good spot.”

Seifer: *pushing Squall* “Last one in the water’s a chicken wuss!”

(he, Zell, and Squall all run for the water)

Noelle: “Hey! Who’s going to set up?”

Ashley: *looks at Rufus, Reno, Rude and Irvine* “They look willing.”

Reno: “Sorry.” *runs for the water*

Rufus: “Gotta run.” *runs for the water*

Rude: “Bye.” *runs for the water*

Irvine: *hand to his head* “Oh, crap.”

Ashley: “Irvine! Thanks for volunteering!” *hands him an umbrella*

Irvine: *starts setting up* “Dammit.”

Rinoa: *to the girls* “Hey! Let’s go in the water!”

Ashley and Noelle: *glare at her*

Rinoa: *frowns* “Okay…forget it.” *runs over to Squall, Zell and Seifer*

Ashley and Noelle: “Crack whore.”

Ashley: *looks out into the water, using her hand to shield her eyes from the sun* “Hey, where’s Lark?”

Noelle: “I haven’t seen her since she ran off with Sephiroth.”

Irvine: *starts to snicker*

Ashley: *turns to look at him* “What’s so funny?”

Irvine: *tries poorly to contain his laughter* “Nothing.”

Lark’s voice: “SEPHIROTH!!!!!”

Irvine: “No way!! Wait…no.” *points to the ocean.* “There they are.”

(they all to turn to see Sephiroth carrying Lark towards the water)

Noelle: “Heh heh…..Lark hates going in the ocean.”

Ashley: “She’s gonna kill Sephiroth.”

(sephiroth dumps her in the water and laughs. Lark stands up and she doesn’t look too happy. she pushes sephiroth into the ocean, and he comes up from under the water looking really angry. His hair is dripping wet. He starts chasing Lark back up the beach.)

Lark: “Irvine!!!!” *jumps in Irvine’s arms* “Protect me!”

Irvine: *grins* “Sure, babe.”

Sephiroth: *glaring at Irvine from behind his dripping bangs* “Stupid cowboy.” *looks at lark* “I’ll get you later.”

Lark: *sticks her tongue out at him* “We’ll see about that.”

(sephiroth trudges back into the ocean, muttering curses.)

Lark: “Thanks, Irvine. You can put me down now.”

Irvine: *puts her down* “Anytime.”

Lark: *takes out her sunglasses and lays down on a towel to dry off* “Did *everyone* go in the ocean?”

Noelle: “Yeah….but here come Reno, Rufus and Rude.”

Irvine: “Yeah, *after* I set up everything.”

Reno: “Hey the water’s nice! You should go in, Noelle.”

Noelle: *shrugs* “Eh.”

Reno: *opens up the cooler* “Heh heh. This’ll get the party goin’.” *pulls out a few bottles of beer*

Noelle: “All right!”

Lark: “Reno, you know glass isn’t allowed on the beach, right? You can’t have that here.”

Reno: *passing Noelle a bottle* “Hey, what are they going to do? Arrest me?”

Rufus: *going through the cooler* “I made myself the greatest sandwich.” *holds it up proudly*

Ashley: “What, you want a medal?” *laughs*

Rufus: *glares at her* “I spent a lot of time making this sandwich! No one better eat it!” *places it lovingly back in the cooler* “If anyone asks if they can eat this sandwich, be sure and tell them no!”

Ashley: *sighs and puts her sunglasses on* “Whatever.”

Rude: *takes a beer out of the cooler*

Shell: *wrinkles her nose* “I hate beer. It’s gross.”

Rude: *puts the beer back with a sigh* “Ummm…” *glances at shell over his sunglasses* “You want to build a sandcastle?”

Shell: *gives him a funny look* “Really?”

Reno: *chugging down his beer* “A sandcastle?! What kind of sissy are you turning into, Rude?”

Noelle: *glares at him* “What’s wrong with building sandcastles?”

Reno: *swallows* “Nothing….”

Shell: “I’d love to build a sandcastle.” *she and rude go over to a patch of sand*

Rufus: “I’m going back into the water.” *runs off*

Seifer: *comes running up* “Hi, Ashley! Wanna come in the water? You can help me try to drown Zell!”

Ashley: “Well, I’ll come in, but no being mean to Zell.” *takes off sunglasses*

Seifer: *frowns but shrugs* “Okay. Did I tell you you look really hot in that bathing suit?”

Ashley: “Tee hee! Thanks!” *she and seifer go off*

Reno: *sits down on Noelle’s blanket* “See? No one’s saying anything about us having glass bottles.”

Noelle: “Yeah. Pass me another one.”

Irvine: *plops down on Lark’s blanket* “I should probably put some sunscreen on.”

Lark: “Me too.”

Irvine: “Hey, I’ll put some on you if you put some on me.”

Lark: *sits up really fast* “Sure!” *takes out the sunscreen* “You first.” *puts some sunscreen on her hands and starts putting it on Irvine’s back*

Squall: *comes running up looking frantic* “Uh….does anyone have a shirt I could have?”

Lark: “Why?”

Squall: “Well, Rinoa kinda….lost her top.”

Reno: *perking up* “There’s a topless girl in the water?! Where!?” *gets up and runs off down the beach*

Noelle: *taking a sip of her beer* “Pervert….but he’s so damn cute.”

Irvine: *throws Squall his shirt* “Here, partner.”

Squall: *grabs it* “Thanks.” *runs back down to the water* “RENO! THAT’S MY GIRLFRIEND!”

Noelle: *mumbles* “Crack whore.”

Irvine: “Your turn.” *starts putting sunscreen on Lark*

Sephiroth: *running up. he sees irvine and glares at him* “Hey, if uh….you don’t want to do that, Irvine…I’ll…uh…do it.”

Irvine: *grins knowingly at him* “Nah, thanks, Sephiroth, but I don’t mind at all.”

Sephiroth: *narrows his eyes* “Grrrr…”

Lark: “Sephy! Did you put sunscreen on?” *reaches for the bottle*

Sephiroth: “No!” *plops down in front of her* “Put some on me, woman!”

Lark: “Fine.” *starts putting sunscreen on Sephiroth*

Reno: *trudges back over and plops down on Noelle’s blanket looking unhappy* “I didn’t see anything.”

Shell: *comes running over to the group with Rude* “Hey, we need a pail and shovel.”

Reno: “You need a pail and shovel now?” *laughs* “Next thing you know Rude’ll be wanting a pink tu-tu!” *Noelle pushes him* “Hey!”

Lark: *pulls one out of her bag* “Here.” *hand it to them and they run off again*

Sephiroth: *turns around and gives her a strange look*

Lark: *blushes* “Hey, you never know.” *they all finish with the sunscreen and put it away*

Ashley: *coming back to the group, laughing* “Hey, did you guys hear what happened to Rinoa?!”

Reno: *sadly* “Yeah…”

Lark: *frowns* “Ashley, that’s not nice.”

Ashley: *sits on her towel* “I know.”

Lark: “Where’s Seifer?”

Ashley: “He said he was coming.”

Lark: *leans over Sephiroth’s shoulder* “Can I braid your hair, Sephy?”

Sephiroth: *pales* “Uh….” *swallows* “No! The great Sephiroth does not braid his hair! Now get off me, woman…..” *quietly* “…unless you don’t want to…”

Lark: “Huh?”

Sephiroth: “I didn’t say anything!”

Lark: “I’m braiding it anyway. You can always take it out.”

(sephiroth crosses his arms but doesn’t protest. Irvine laughs to himself.)

Seifer: *comes back to the group, grinning widely* “Hey.” *plops down next to Ashley*

Ashley: *looking around* “Where’s Zell?”

Seifer: *shrugs* “I have absolutely no idea.” *guilty smile*

Ashley: *peers at him over her sunglasses* “Why don’t I believe that look?”

Seifer: “Cause it’s cute?” *takes her hand*

Ashley: *dreamy sigh* “Yeah….”

Lark: *frowns* “I better go check on Zell.”

Sephiroth: *getting to his feet* “I’ll come!”

(she and sephy head down towards the water.)

Zell: “Help!”

Lark: *runs over to Zell, who’s buried in the sand* “Zell! Did Seifer do this to you?!”

Zell: “Who else!”

Sephiroth: *tries not to laugh*

Zell: “Hey, it’s not funny!”

Lark: *turns around and scolds* “Sephiroth!”

Sephiroth: *quickly makes his expression serious* “Sorry.”

(they dig zell out of the sand)

Zell: *brushing sand off himself and getting up* “Well, I’m not falling for that trick again.”

(lark and sephy exchange a ‘yeah, i’m sure’ look.)

Zell: “What?”

Lark and Sephiroth: “Nothing.”

(some stupid, trouble making kids come by.)

Kid 1: “Hey! Look at that guy with the braid!”

Kid 2: “Yeah!” *laughs* “He looks like a girl!”

Lark: *sweat drops*

Sephiroth: *glares at her* “Lark….”

Lark: *innocent smile* “Yes, Sephy, dearest? Heh heh….”

Sephiroth: *darkly* “Start running.”

Lark: “Eep!!!” *runs down the beach, Sephy in pursuit*

Zell: *shrugs and heads back to the group* “I’m hungry.” *looks around at everyone. Irvine’s fanning himself with his hat, Ashley is giggling over every little thing Seifer’s saying, Noelle’s getting drunk, and so is Reno. mumbles* “Stupid Seifer. I’ll get him back good.” *goes into the cooler and sees Rufus’ sandwich. he takes it out* “Hey, this looks good. Hey, is this anyone’s?” *gets no answer and shrugs* “Okay.” *sits down and eats it. when he’s done he heads back to the ocean*

Rufus: *comes over, looking happy* “Now it’s time for my sandwich!” *before he can open the cooler he sees the discarded wrapper laying in the sand* “NO!!!! MY SANDWICH!!!!!” *collapses to his knees* “Someone ate my sandwich!” *glares at Reno* “Did you eat it?”

Reno: “Does it have beer in it?”

Rufus: “NO!!”

Reno: *shrugs* “Then no.”

Rufus: *defeated* “I don’t believe it. Ashley, you were supposed to be watching!”

Ashley: *eyes glued to Seifer* “I am.”

Rufus: “Grrrrr…..” *trudges back to the ocean*

Lark: “AHHH!!!!!! RUFUS!!!!” *runs right for rufus*

Rufus: “AHHHH!!” *is knocked down by lark* “Ouch!”

Lark: “Ouch!” *gets off rufus* “Rufus! You’re supposed to protect me!”

Rufus: “From what?”

Lark: “From–” *sephiroth comes up behind Lark, wraps his arms around her waist, picks her up and starts carrying her towards the ocean* “–him!!”

Rufus: *hurrying to his feet and brushing off the sand* “Wait, I still can!!” *runs after them*

(a cop comes over to reno.)

Cop: “Excuse me, sir.”

Reno: “Huh?” *looks up, shielding his eyes from the sun* “What’s up, officer?”

Cop: “You’re not supposed to have glass bottles on this beach.”

Reno: “Oh, right. Well, you can have one if you want.”

Noelle: *pushes him* “Make sure he saves one for me!”

Cop: “I’m afraid you’ll have to get rid of the bottles, sir. They’re not allowed. They could break and someone could hurt themselves on the glass.”

Reno: *laughs* “Yeah, an idiot.”

Cop: “Sir, give me the bottles and I’ll dispose of them.”

Reno: “No way! You’re just gonna drink ’em! I paid good money for this beer!”

Cop: “Sir, if you don’t cooperate I’ll be forced to take you into custody.”

Reno: *laughs* “You gonna arrest me for drinking beer?” *click of hand cuffs on his wrists* “Hey!”

Cop: “You have the right to remain silent.” *starts dragging reno away*

Reno: “Noelle, help!”

Noelle: *waves, she’s semi-drunk* “Bye bye Reno-chan!” *reno gets dragged off the beach*

Zell: *comes back to the group, something cupped in his hands* “Heh heh…this’ll get Seifer good.” *sits down between irvine and seifer, and places a small crab right by seifer*

Irvine: *sees what zell’s doing* “Hey….”

Zell: *gives him frantic shut up signs*

Irvine: *nods and looks the other way, grinning*

Seifer: “So, you know, I practically have to fend off the girls with a stick, but I don’t mind you cause you’re cute.”

Ashley: “Tee hee!”

Seifer: “So, like I was saying—-ow! Ow! Ow!!” *leaps to his feet and starts running around in a circle, trying to get the crab off his butt*

Ashley: *leaping to her feet* “What?! What is it?!”

Seifer: “A crab bit me! Get it off, get it off, get it offffffffff!!!!” *starts crying*

Ashley: *removes the crab* “All better!”

Seifer: *rubs his butt and glares at zell and irvine, who are rolling on the floor laughing* “Did you do that, chicken wuss?!”

Zell: “Pay back from burying me in the sand!”

Seifer: “Why you little—!!” *lunges for Zell, but he gets up and runs away. Seifer runs after him*

(lark, sephiroth and rufus all coming trudging back to the blankets dripping wet with seaweed in their hair. none of them look too happy)

Ashley: “What happened to you three?”

(lark glares at sephy, as does rufus. sephy glares at lark)

Ashley: *backing up* “Forget I asked.”

Lark: *looks around* “Hey, where’s Reno?”

Noelle: “He got arrested.”

Lark: “Oh. If that’s it.” *goes to sit, but realizes what Noelle said and loses her balance and falls on Irvine’s lap* “What?!”

Irvine: “Hey hey! I’m likin’ this!”

Sephiroth: “Grrrrrrrr…..”

Lark: *not paying attention to them* “HE GOT ARRESTED?!?!”

Noelle: “Yeah, for having the glass bottles.”

Lark: *hand to her head* “Now I have to bail him out of jail!?”

Shell: *comes running over with rude* “Hey, you guys have to see the sand castle we built!! It’s a replica of Shinra Headquarters!”

Rufus: “Cool!!”

(everyone goes over to see it. It’s actually a gorgeous and excellent replica of the building.)

Rude: *pokes shell* “Tell them.”

Shell: “Oh yeah! And some people from the newspaper came and took a picture of us with it! They said they’re doing a story on sand castles and ours was the best one they’ve seen today!”

Rufus: “It’s really good!” *points* “Look, there’s my office!”

Sephiroth: *laughs* “Before or after WEAPON blew it up?”

Rufus: *glares at him, dryly* “Ha ha.”

Lark: “I’m impressed! I didn’t know you were capable of making something so good!”

Shell: *puts her arm around rude* “Actually, Rude did most of the work! Isn’t it amazing?”

Rude: *blushes*

Lark: “You’ll have to make sure nothing ruins it.”

(zell comes running by, followed by seifer.)

Seifer: “I’ll get you chicken wuss!!”

Zell: “You’ll have to catch me first!!”

Seifer: *leaps forward and grabs Zell by the ankles* “Ah ha!”

Zell: “Whoa!” *falls flat on his face, right in the sandcastle, collapsing the whole thing*

Shell: “No! Shinra Headquarters!” *starts crying into Rude’s shoulder*

Rude: *gently pats her on the back* “It’s okay, we can build another one next time.”

Rufus: “First my sandwich is eaten by someone that isn’t me, then Sephiroth beats me up, and now this imbecile smashes my headquarters! Today sucked!”

Rinoa: *comes running up, out of breath* “Hey! Does anyone have any extra shorts?”

Irvine: “Why? What happened now?”

Rinoa: *embarrassed* “Squall lost his shorts.”

Everyone: *jaw drops*

Rinoa: *holds up her hands* “No! No! It’s not what you think! The tide’s just really strong!”

Ashley: “Sure….”

Noelle: “Crack whore.”

(irvine gives rinoa his extra shorts.)

Lark: “Wait….” *she, Noelle and Ashley all look at each other, grin devilishly and start running towards the ocean*

Rinoa: “Hey!!” *runs after them* “That’s my boyfriend!”

Rufus: *sighs* “Let’s go home.”

Irvine: “What about Reno?”

Rufus: *shrugs* “Forget him. He breaks the law, he can find his own way home.”


Reno: *on the phone* “Come on! Someone has to be there!! The room is hardly ever empty!”

Operator: “I’m sorry, the line you called has been disconnected because the bill has not been paid. Have a nice day.”

Reno: “NO!!!!!”

Cop: *takes away the phone* “That’s your one call.”

Reno: “NO!!!!”


Irvine:*agrees* “Yeah, I’m sure he’ll be fine.”


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