#7 – Reno: The Man of Many Evil Plans

Reno: *whirls around, sweat drops and an innocent grin* “Be the President of her own fan club. I mean, how stuck up would that be?”

Originally Published: 6/19/00 . 11 pages

Reno knows that Sephiroth has a crush on Lark – and he intends to prove it!

Ramble Milestones
Nothing this time.

This ramble is pretty silly, but the scene where Lark and Sephiroth claim to be “acting out a scene from Titanic” is pretty classic. The beginning of the ramble obviously came from the scene in FFVII where Rude and Reno discuss who they like. How’s that for original? Also, the ending sets up a future ramble. At least there was some evidence that I was planning ahead.

(Reno, Rude, Rufus, Seifer, Zell, Reeve, Squall, Irvine, Cloud and Sephiroth are all in the common room, sitting around in a circle. They’re all intent on some conversation, except Squall, who’s got his head in his hands and looks bored, Sephiroth, who’s polishing his sword and only half listening, and Cloud, who’s fooling with his hair)

Reno: “So Rude….who do you like?”

Rude: “…….no one.”

Reno: *shoves him* “You’re lying! Come on! We’re all friends here! Who do you like?”

Sephiroth: *mutters to himself* “We’re all friends here….sure….”

Reno: “Come on, Rude.”

Rude: “Fine….I like….Shell.”

Reno: “Shell?”

Rude: “Who do *you* like, Reno?”

Reno: *shyly* “Noelle.”

Rude: “…..I knew it.”

Reno: *quickly shifting the focus of attention away from him* “Rufus, who do *you* like? And you can’t say Bria, cause she and Reeve are a thing now.”

Rufus: *arms crossed and glaring at Reeve* “That’s fine, cause I don’t even like her anymore.”

Reeve: *to himself* “*Sure*.”

Reno: “Then who is the lucky girl?”

Rufus: “……Lark.”

Reno: “Really? Ha ha!”

(sephiroth gives rufus a *very* nasty look, but he doesn’t notice)

Rufus: *glares at Reno* “What’s so funny?”

Reno: *stops laughing* “Nothing…I guess.” *next victim* “How about you, Seifer?”

Seifer: “I kinda like Ashley….”

Reno: “Really?”

Seifer: *getting all defensive* “Yeah! Why?”

Reno: “Nothing…I just thought Yuffie–“

Seifer: *twitching* “Stop it!”

Reno: *cackles softly* “How about you, Zell?”

Zell: *looks around in shock, then turns to Squall and whispers loudly* “Hey, Squall! Who do you like?”

Squall: “You can’t copy me *all* the time, Zell.”

Zell: “Uh…” *sweat drops* “I like….Lark.”

Reno: “Oh come on! Like you have a chance!”

Zell: “Hey! I think she *might* like me back!”

(sephiroth gives zell the same look he gave rufus earlier)

Reno: “Right…anyway, okay, well all know Reeve likes Bria. Squall?”

Squall: “Rinoa….” *looks around* “Where is she?” *gets up and leaves*

Reno: “Okay…..how about you, Irvine?”

Irvine: *shrugs with a cute grin* “I like all the little ladies.”

Reno: *mumbles* “And they call *me* a player…” *turns to Cloud* “Who do you like, Cloud?”

Cloud: “My hair is spiky.”

Sephiroth: *raising his sword* “You fricken dork! He’s asking you a question!”

Reno: *interrupting* “Forget him, Sephiroth.” *knowing raise of the eyebrows* “Who do *you* like?”

Sephiroth: *looks around and sees everyone staring at him eagerly. sweat drops* “Uh…..” *gulp* “I like no one! I hate everyone!”

Reno: *crosses his arms* “Oh come on, Sephiroth. Just admit it! Everyone knows. It’s painfully obvious who you like.”

Sephiroth: *poorly trying to cover it up* “I have *no* idea what you’re talking about.”

Reno: “There’s no point in trying to cover it up, *Sephy*.” *smiles*

Sephiroth: *glares…if looks could kill…* “I *TOLD* you, you stupid, drunk Turk. I *DON’T* like Lark!” *stalks out of the room*

Reno: *rolling on the floor with laughter* “I bet he doesn’t even realize he said it out loud!”

Reeve: “Does Lark know he has a thing for her?”

Reno: *tears are running down his face he’s laughing so hard* “That’s just it! She hasn’t a clue! She’s completely oblivious!”

Rufus: *frowns* “She doesn’t like him anyway.”

Seifer: “Hey, I think we should try to hook them up…” *mumble* “And try to hook me and Ashley up while we’re at it…”

Rufus, Irvine and Zell: “No!”

Seifer: “No to what? The Ashley thing, or the Lark thing?”

Rufus, Irvine and Zell: “The Lark thing!”

Reno: “I think it would be funny! She wouldn’t go for him anyway!” *thinks* “In fact….I think it might be a great way to humiliate him…”

Rufus: *grins evilly* “I’m listening….”

(it’s later on. sephiroth is sitting alone in the room. he’s on the couch, arms crossed, looking unhappy. Reno, Rufus, Irvine and Zell come in.)

Irvine: “Howdy, Sephiroth.”

Sephiroth: *looking at the floor* “Go to hell.”

Irvine: *goes to make a reply, but Rufus makes a frantic gesture that tells him to keep quiet*

Reno: “So…Sephiroth….” *grins* “You know that girl you like?”

Sephiroth: *like a little kid* “NO.”

Rufus: “I think she likes you back….”

Sephiroth: *head snaps up* “She does?!”

Zell: “She does?” *Irvine elbows him in the stomach* “Ow!”

Reno: “I think so….”

Sephiroth: “How do you know?”

Rufus: “Well, why else would she be making fun of you all the time? Girls do that when they like a guy.”

Sephiroth: *suspiciously* “Are you sure?”

Rufus: *nods, mimicking Reno’s grin* “Of course.”

Reno: “But…I think you should prove it.”

Sephiroth: *still suspicious* “How…..??”

Irvine: “You should kiss her.”

Sephiroth: *leaping to his feet* “WHAT!? Are you insane?”

Zell: *to Irvine* “What? But I thought you said–” *Irvine claps a hand over his mouth to shut him up and smiles innocently*

Rufus: *shrugs* “What? What’s so bad about that? I’ve kissed her before.”

Irvine: “Me too.”

Sephiroth: *glares at them* “Well….that’s just you.” *pause* “Besides, I DON’T like her!”

Rufus: *gives Reno a ‘help me out here!’ look*

Reno: “Oh, come on, Sephiroth! You’ll never know if she likes you unless you kiss her!” *pause* “Imagine going your whole life without knowing she likes you, then finding out right before–“

Sephiroth: “Stop!!” *glares at Reno* “Fine….fine.” *sigh* “I’ll do it.”

(irvine, reno and rufus all exchange evil looks)

Sephiroth: “So…what do I have to do?”

Reno: *ready to give a speech* “Well, you see, it’s all in the delivery–“

Rufus: *shoves him over* “Like you’re in any position to give a speech on how to kiss!”

Reno: *narrows eyes* “What’s *that* supposed to mean?”

Irvine: *interrupting before rufus can speak* “If you don’t mind, I think *I’m* the most qualified to explain it.”

Rufus: *glares at him* “Shut up, you stupid, womanizing cowboy! What do you know that I don’t?!”

Reno: *shoving rufus* “What do *you* know, that I don’t?”

(they start shoving each other around, arguing over who knows more)

Sephiroth: *hand cover his eyes, shaking his head* “Pathetic.”

(later. reno, rufus, irvine, zell and sephiroth are just outside the room)

Reno: “Ready, Sephiroth?”

Sephiroth: *frowns* “I don’t like you.”

Rufus: “Oh shut up. He doesn’t like you either.”

Sephiroth: *glares at Rufus* “You’re mean.”

Rufus: “Look who’s talking!”

Irvine: *interrupting before another fight breaks out* “Shush! You don’t want her to hear, do you?”

Rufus: *mutters* “Think you can handle it?”

Sephiroth: *goes for the masamune, but Reno stops him*

Reno: “Go! Now’s your chance!”

Sephiroth: “Fine.” *takes a deep breath, and goes in, closing the door behind him*

Irvine: “Zell, ready for your part of the plan?”

Zell: “Yup! It’s what I do best….besides fighting. I guess I do that best, right, Squall?” *looks around* “Oh…Squall’s not here.”

Irvine: *looks at reno and rufus with an innocent smile. they’re glaring at him. sweat drops* “Eh heh heh…”

(Meanwhile…Lark is alone in “the room”, relaxing on the couch, her eyes closed. Sephiroth enters, slamming the door nosily behind him.)

Sephiroth: “Can I kill Rufus?”

Lark: *eyes still closed* “No.”

Sephiroth: “Can I kill him and blame it on Cloud?”

Lark: *eyes still closed* “No, hon.” *Sephiroth doesn’t answer, and she sits up, suddenly alert* “What’s the matter, Sephiroth? You didn’t yell:” *imitates his voice poorly* “‘Stop calling me hon, woman!'”

Sephiroth: *shoves her over and sits down on the couch* “I’ve had a bad week.” *lays down with his head in her lap*

Lark: “Uh…..” *clears throat* “How’s that?”

Sephiroth: “Rufus is mean.”

Lark: “…….and…..??”

Sephiroth: *closes eyes* “Shut up, woman.”

Lark: *strokes his hair* “That’s the Sephiroth I know.” *smiles*

Sephiroth: *taking one of Lark’s hands, causing her to freeze* “No one likes me.”

Lark: “Well, maybe if you weren’t so mean to everyone and didn’t always threaten to kill people, you’d be more popular. Besides, Katie and Lizzy like you.”

Sephiroth: *sits up and looks into her eyes* “Do *you* like me?”

Lark: “Uh…..”

Sephiroth: “Well?”

Lark: “Well…..yeah…” *shrugs* “I guess. If I didn’t you’d be banned like Scarlet or Nida.” *looks away*

Sephiroth: “You’re the only person here I like.”

Lark: *turns her head to see Sephiroth’s face is about two inches from hers* “Sephy….uh….don’t you think….” *he takes her by the shoulders and leans in* “Oh, Sephiroth….”

(just as they’re about to kiss, the door opens and Zell comes running in)

Zell: “Hey, Lark—whoa!” *backs up a step* “Did I interrupt something?” *goes for the door* “I usually do…”

Lark: *leaping to her feet* “No! No, Zell!” *sweat drops* “Heh, we, as in Sephiroth and I, were just acting out a scene from our favorite movie.”

Zell: “What movie?”

Lark: “Uh, Titanic! Yeah.”

Sephiroth: “I’m king of the world!” *sweat drops*

Zell: “Oh. Okay. Well, I’ll let you finish.” *leaves*

Sephiroth: *approaching Lark* “Uh….”

Lark: *holds up a hand* “It’s okay. We just got caught up. Right?”

Sephiroth: “…..right.”

Lark: “Right.” *she leaves*

Sephiroth: *sighs sadly* “Right.”

(Meanwhile…zell comes back out)

Rufus: “Well?”

Irvine: “What happened?”

Reno: “Were they kissing?”

Zell: “No.”

Reno: *grins proudly* “I told you she’d blow him off.”

Zell: “They were just acting out a scene from a movie.”

(jaw drops from the other guys)

Rufus: “What?”

Reno: “What movie?”

Irvine: “And if you tell me Striptease, I think I’m going to be sick.”

(rufus and reno give him strange looks)

Irvine: *shrugs* “What? You haven’t seen it?”

Zell: “No, it was Titanic.”

Rufus: “Titanic?! Zell, what were they doing when you walked in?”

Zell: “Oh, they looked like they were about to kiss. They must have been doing the part where—“

Reno: *smacking Zell upside the head* “You idiot! They just said that to trick you!”

Irvine: *amazed* “Then she really *was* going to kiss him….??”

Rufus: “Your plan backfired, Reno!”

Reno: “Nonsense! She doesn’t like him! He must have cast confuse on her or something! I’m telling you she would never do that!”

Lark: *coming out of the room* “Never do what?”

Reno: *whirls around, sweat drops and an innocent grin* “Be the President of her own fan club. I mean, how stuck up would that be?”

Lark: *hands on hips* “What are you doing?”

Reno: “Why forming your fan club of course!”

Lark: *raises eyebrow* “You expect me to believe that?”

Reno: “What’s not to believe?” *turns to the others* “Right guys?”

Rufus, Irvine and Zell: “Right!”

Rufus: “Yeah! Go Lark!”

Zell: *to Irvine* “Can I be treasurer?” *Irvine elbows him in the stomach* “Ow!”

Reno: “Oh, Lark, by the way, I was wondering…do you think Sephiroth has a thing for you?”

Lark: *laughs* “Sephiroth? No way! Just because I’m the only one he can stand doesn’t mean he likes me!”

Rufus: “And you don’t like him…..right?”

Lark: *still laughing* “No! He’s just my friend….kind of. That’s all.”

Rufus, Irvine and Zell: *looks of relief*

Lark: “I’ll see you guys later.” *leaves*

Reno: “I told you guys she was clueless!”

Rufus: “You said it, Reno.”

(sephiroth comes out of the room)

Reno: “So…how’d it go?”

Sephiroth: *evil glare* “I’m never listening to you three again.” *leaves*

Irvine: “He says that now, but he’ll be back.”

Seifer: *runs over* “I have bad news!”

Reno: *alarmed* “Is alcohol being banned from the place?!”

Rufus: *alarmed* “Is Reno getting his own CD?”

Irvine: *alarmed* “Is sex illegal?” *everyone gives him strange looks* “What?”

Seifer: “No! I just found out that Ashley’s practically married to that loser from Gundam Wing!”

Rufus: *frowns* “Those Gundam Wing kids are more trouble then they’re worth.”

Reno: *frowns* “Yeah….Noelle likes that dorky blonde one.”

Seifer: “What am I going to do?”

Irvine: “Next time they come, we’ll just have to show the girls who’s better that’s all.”

Reno: “Yeah! We’ll challenge them to a contest!”

Rufus: “What kind of contest?”

Reno: “I don’t know…but we’ll have several different events…that way, if we lose one, we can still win.”

Seifer: “Sounds good to me!”

Irvine: “We should start practicing and planning now! That way, we’re sure to win!”

Reno: “Ok, but don’t tell Lark. I want this to be a surprise. Next time those boys come back, we’ll show ’em!”

to be continued…

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