#51 – Uses For an Empty Bottle

Sephiroth: “Come on! This is really disgusting! He probably has diseases!”

Originally Published: 10/20/00 . 14 pages

With an empty bottle and nothing else to do, the gang decides to play spin the bottle. Only when Lark’s involved, you know there’s going to be special rules!

Ramble Milestones
Nothing this time.

Oh, spin the bottle. It’s so high school. There are a few chuckle worthy moments here, but mostly this ramble is all fan service. Yaoi fan service. I still enjoy the part where Reeve just kind of shrugs and goes for it with Tseng in front of everyone.

(the ramble room is pretty crowded. lark, sephiroth, Noelle, reno, shell, rude, cloud, Ashley, seifer, laguna, Lizzie, rufus, irvine, zell, squall, rinoa, tseng, reeve, elena and vincent are all hanging around. Ashley and seifer are making out in one corner, and squall and rinoa are making out in another. Lizzie and laguna are reading ‘romeo and juliet’ to one another, lark is lying down on the couch with her head in rufus’ lap and her feet in sephy’s lap. irvine, JT and zell are halfheartedly playing a card game, shell is picking out all the things she wants from a catalog while rude not too happily tallies it up, reeve and tseng are talking and elena is trying to join them, cloud’s staring at himself in the mirror, vincent’s just sitting there, and Noelle and reno are sitting at the table staring at an empty wine bottle)

Reno: “That was our *last* bottle of liquor…”

Noelle: *unhappy sigh* “Yeah…”

Reno: “We have *no more* left…”

Noelle: *unhappy sigh* “Nope…”

Sephiroth: *snaps* “Oh just shut up and go buy some more!” *glares at rufus* “Stupid jerk…”

Reno: “We can’t!” *glares at rufus*

Rufus: “Yeah, well you should have thought twice about breaking that window pane. You deserve to have your pay docked for a week.”

Shell: “Ooh!” *points happily at the catalog* “And I want that!”

Rude: *gulp* “Okay…” *punches some buttons on the calculator*

Reno: “What can we do with an *empty* bottle?”

Sephiroth: “I could break it and use it to kill someone…” *still glaring at rufus*

Vincent: “That’s not nice, angel.”

Sephiroth: “That was the *point*, Vincent!”

Noelle: *shrugs* “You could play spin the bottle with it.”

Lark: *sits up like a rocket* “Did I hear someone mention spin the bottle?”

Noelle: “Yeah…”

Lark: “Ooh! I love that game!” *gets up and takes the bottle* “Everyone’s playing! Get in a circle!”

Noelle: “I wasn’t being serious!”

Lark: “You wanna play and you know it.”

Noelle: “….Fine.”

Reno: *rubs his hands together* “Finally! Some excitement!”

Shell: “Lark, I’m busy spending Rude’s money. I don’t have time to act whorish.”

Rude: *dragging her over* “You’re playing.”

Ashley: “Eh… What’s the difference between what I was doing and this game?”

Lark: “Shut up and get in a circle.”

Lizzie: “Lark, this game is childish.”

Lark: “Hey, maybe when you spin the bottle it’ll land on Sephiroth.”

Lizzie: *eagerly* “Okay!”

Noelle: “Come on, Cloud!”

Cloud: “Huh?”

Irvine: “I’ll take care of this, everyone.” *digs out a flask and pours it down cloud’s throat*

Cloud: *blinks* “Oh. Good evening, all.”

Noelle: “Have a seat, Cloud! We’re playing spin the bottle!”

Cloud: “Ah. This should be interesting.”

Reno: “Irvine! You have liquor and didn’t tell me?!”

Irvine: “*Had* liquor, yes. Sorry, Reno.”

Reno: *pouts* “It’s not fair.”

(everyone sits in a circle. starting from lark and going around in a clockwise direction its goes lark, squall, rinoa, elena, tseng, reeve, shell, rude, sephiroth, reno, Noelle, rufus, Ashley, seifer, cloud, Lizzie, laguna, irvine, JT and vincent.)

Zell: “This is gonna be fun, huh, Squall?”

Squall: “Whatever.”

Lark: “Okay, before we start, here are the rules.” *clears her throat* “Rule number one, if you spin and the bottle lands on someone you’re related to, you get to spin again.”

Squall: “Thank g-d.”

Lark: “If a girl spins and it lands on another girl, she gets to spin again.”

Reno: “Aw, dammit.”

(silence. guys wait expectantly)

Rufus: “Um…aren’t you forgetting something?”

Lark: *blinks* “No. That’s it.”

Irvine: “What if a guy spins and it lands on another guy?!”

Lark: *as if it’s really obvious* “Um…you have to kiss…”

Most of the guys: “NANI?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?”

Lark: *grins* “It’s my ramble room, and what I say goes. And it has to be on the lips too. No excuses. If you don’t….you can always go kiss Hojo…”

Everyone: “EW!”

Lizzie: “I still like this version!”

Most of the guys: *sweat drops*

Reno: “I don’t think I like this version…”

Noelle: “Too bad!” *smiles*

Ashley: “Ew!”

Lark: “All right, we’re starting.” *hands the bottle to squall* “You start.”

Squall: “Whatever.” *he spins and it lands on zell* “Oh god.”

Zell: “You have to kiss me, Squall!”

Seifer: “Why are you so happy, chicken wuss? You in love with Squall or somethin’?” *chuckles*

Zell: “No! Stop it, Seifer!”

Squall: *lots of sweat drops* “I don’t want to play!”

Shell: “Too late now, Squall!” *giggles* “Come on, Squall!”

Rinoa: “Oh dear…” *closes her eyes*

(squall goes over with his eyes scrunched shut and barely kisses zell before running back to rinoa)

Squall: “Kiss me, Rinoa!!” *kisses rinoa*

Ashley: “Ew! That’s just as gross!”

Zell: “My turn!” *spins the bottle and it lands on Noelle*

Noelle: “EW!”

Zell: “I don’t want to kiss you! You hate me!”

Noelle: “I don’t want you to kiss me! You’re gross!”

Rinoa: “Too bad. Suck it up and do it.”

Noelle: “Shut up, crack whore.”

(zell goes over and kisses Noelle very quickly and then repeatedly wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. Noelle takes out some mouth wash and goes over to rinse out her mouth)

Reeve: “This is ridiculous.”

Seifer: *laughs* “Hey, chicken wuss! How come you liked kissing Squall better than the *girl*?” *laughs*

Zell: “Shut *up*, Seifer!”

Noelle: *rejoins the group* “My turn!” *spins and it lands on cloud* “Ooh! Hooray!”

Cloud: “Oh. You seem quite enthusiastic about kissing me.”

Noelle: “Hells yeah!” *grabs cloud and kisses him*

Reno: “All right, Noelle… That’s enough.”

(Noelle continues kissing cloud)

Reno: “Noelle…”

(still kissing)

Reno: “Noelle!” *drags Noelle away*

Cloud: *blinks* “Wow. I certainly enjoyed that.”

Noelle: “Tee hee!”

Reno: *frowns* “Jerk…”

Cloud: “I believe it is now my turn to spin the bottle if you will.” *he does. it lands on sephiroth*

Sephiroth: *sputters* “Wha-wha-what?! Nani!? No. No, no, no, no, no!!”

Cloud: *blinks and cocks his head to one side* “Is there a problem?”

Sephiroth: *totally flipping out* “Yes, there’s a problem! I’m not kissing you! You’re-you’re- EW!”

Cloud: *blinks* “Noelle enjoyed it.”

Noelle: “And I’d do it again!”

Sephiroth: “EW!”

Lark: *calmly* “Sephy-sama, kiss Cloud-chan, or go kiss your daddy.”

Sephiroth: *eyes widen considerably and he calms down* “Kiss me, Cloud.”

(cloud gives him a nice little kiss and sephiroth sits with a disgusted look for a minute)

Cloud: “I enjoyed that as well.”

Sephiroth: “Stop it!”

Lark: “Your turn, Sephiroth.”

Sephiroth: *takes the bottle up to eye level and looks at it like he’s wishing on it*

Reno: *sing song voice quietly* “Sephy love La–” *is elbowed in the stomach by sephiroth really hard* “OW!”

Sephiroth: *takes a deep breath, puts the bottle down and spins it. it lands on vincent* “Oh, crap!”

Vincent: *hangs his head* “My angel doesn’t love me….”

Sephiroth: “I….er…..” *sigh* “Come on, Vincent.”

(sephiroth gives vincent a sweet but fairly short kiss)

Vincent: “I love you, angel.”

Sephiroth: “Yeah, yeah, yeah. You spin now.”

Vincent: “Very well.” *spins the bottle and it lands on tseng*

Lark: *dreamy sigh* “I love this game…”

(vincent kisses tseng for a pretty good amount of time while reeve watches uncomfortably)

Noelle: *dreamy sigh* “Oh god yes.”

(tseng takes the bottle, looks from it to reeve and back again before spinning it. it lands on elena)

Tseng: “Aw, dammit!”

Elena: “Whoo hoo!” *grabs tseng and kisses him roughly for a long time even though he’s obviously unwilling*

JT: “Um…. He was supposed to kiss *her*.”

Irvine: “Like *that* was going to happen.”

(tseng struggles and finally gets elena off him, breathing heavily)

Tseng: “Good god, Elena!

Elena: “I’ve only been waiting to do that for…” *starts counting off on her fingers*

Reeve: “All right, just spin.” *crosses his arms*

Elena: “Fine, fine.” *she spins the bottle and it lands on reeve* “Oh come on!”

Reeve: “Ugh!”

Tseng: “Oh man…”

Elena: “This sucks.” *she not so happily gives reeve a very quick kiss*

Reeve: “I hope that never happens again.” *spins the bottle and it lands back on tseng*

Tseng: *smiles and says quietly* “Today’s not so bad after all.”

Reeve: *looks at tseng* “……………..”

Tseng: *looks back at him* “…………………..”

Reeve: “What the hell.” *grabs tseng firmly by the shoulders and kisses him*

(and kisses him and kisses him and kisses him….everyone watches in amazement)

Lark: “I am *thoroughly* enjoying myself…”

(reeve and tseng finally break apart)

Rufus: *pointing at reeve accusingly* “You are *so* not straight!”

Reeve: *sweat drops* “Yes I am! Shut up, Rufus!”

Tseng: “Looks as though I have to spin again…” *he does and it lands on lark*

Lark: “Sorry, Tseng.”

Tseng: “It’s all right, Lark.” *gives her a nice little kiss*

Lark: *rubs her hands together* “It’s finally my turn.” *takes the bottle*

Sephiroth: *looks up at the ceiling muttering to himself* “Oh please, oh please, oh please…”

Lark: *spins and it lands on rufus* “Hooray!! Rufus!”

Rufus: “Looks like it’s my lucky day.”

(he and lark kiss for awhile as sephiroth gives them a death glare)

Rufus: *mutters to lark* “How about we forget the rest of this game and just go back to my room?

Lark: “Mmmm… tempting, but–“

Sephiroth: *snaps* “Let’s go, Shinra! You don’t have a monopoly on her!” *pause and sweat drops* “Not that I care…”

Rufus: *sighs* “Fine, it’s my turn.” *he spins the bottle and it lands on reno. he stares at it in horror and then looks up whimpering* “Wh….nani?”

Reno: *eyes nearly come out of his head* “Ack! Are you kidding me?!!?!?!? I can’t kiss him! He’s my boss!”

Rufus: “I don’t know where he’s been!”

Reno: “Hey! I resent that!”

(lark and Noelle look at one another, smile evilly and get up, dragging rufus and reno to their feet and pushing them towards one another)

Rufus: “Ack! My worst nightmare!”

Reno: “I’m gonna be scarred for life!!” *squeezes his eyes shut*

Rufus: *closes his eyes and mutters* “Anyone but Reno…. Anyone but Reno… Anyone but Reno.”

(lark and Noelle give their guys one final shove and reno and rufus open their eyes look at each other, grimacing. still grimacing, they very VERY quickly kiss one another, then run back to where they were sitting)

Rufus: “Ugh! Happy now?!”

Reno: “Now that you’ve destroyed my pride!”

Lark: “I thought it was cute!”

Noelle: “Me too!”

Reno: “My turn.” *grabs the bottle* “And I better not get a guy!” *spins it and it lands on shell* “Hell yes!”

Shell: “Reno!”

(reno happily kisses shell and then shell takes the bottle, spins it and gets JT)

Shell: *unenthusiastically* “Oh.”

JT: “Um… What?”

Shell: *rolls her eyes* “Let’s just get this over with.”

JT: “Why don’t you like me?”

(shell kisses JT very quickly and sits down pouting)

JT: *kind of confused* “Okay…. My turn…” *takes the bottle and spins it. he gets Lizzie* “I got off easy.” *smiles and kisses Lizzie*

Lizzie: *takes the bottle* “Come on… Sephiroth…” *spins it and gets sephiroth* “OHMYGODYES!!!”

Sephiroth: *eyes get really wide* “Uh…”

(Lizzie runs over and kisses him good and hard for a minute or so. then she goes back and sits down grinning)

Sephiroth: *panting* “Dear god!” *takes the bottle and mutters* “I have another chance…”

Reno: “Just spin!”

Sephiroth: “Shut up!” *spins the bottle and it lands on irvine* “Oh someone up there hates me.”

Irvine: “That did *not* just land on me!” *frantically, shifting away from the bottle* “It landed on JT!”

JT: “It did not!”

Sephiroth: “Come on! This is really disgusting! He probably has diseases!”

Irvine: “I do not! You probably have cooties!”

Sephiroth: “Cooties?! What, are you in second grade!?”

Ashley: *covering her eyes* “Just hurry up and do it already!”

Irvine: “Oh good god this is the worst day of my life…” *squeezes his eyes shut and cringes*

Sephiroth: *cringes too as he barely kisses irvine and sits back down again* “Ugh… I’m going to have to brush my teeth a million times now.”

Irvine: “I’m going to have to brush mine a *million* times!”

Laguna: “Hey hey! This is fun!”

(all guys glare at him)


(sephiroth has kissed everyone *but* lark (and rude). most of the guys are ready to have heart attacks they’re so worried about the next spin. the only guys who aren’t are tseng, reeve and vincent.)

Seifer: “I am *not* kissing Squall again. I’d rather kiss Hojo.”

Ashley: “You would not. Then *I’d* never kiss you again.”

Shell: “Shut up, guys! It’s Rude’s turn! You kissed Squall half an hour ago, Seifer. Shut up!”

Rude: *takes the bottle and spins it. it lands on shell*

Seifer: “How come he has good luck? He hasn’t kissed a guy yet!”

Rude: *shrugs then grabs shell and kisses her*

(everyone waits for them to stop but they don’t. in fact they just start making out in front of everyone)

Lark “Come on you guys! The game isn’t over!”

Seifer: “I like this game better.” *grabs Ashley and starts making out with her*

Reno: “Me too!” *starts making out with Noelle*

Lizzie: “Me too.” *starts making out with laguna*

Squall: “Whatever.” *starts making out with rinoa*

Elena: *hopefully* “Tseng….??”

Tseng: *dryly* “No.”

Elena: “You suck!” *realizes what she said and hits herself in the head* “Oh god it’s not fair!” *runs off*

Tseng: *smiles faintly*

Lark: “Come on you guys! We’re not done playing!” *sighs in annoyance* “And for some reason *I’m* the whore…” *sighs and picks up the bottle looking at the remaining guys and grins devilishly* “Well…we can all still play.”

Irvine: “No, no! Not with one girl and *your* set of rules!”

Tseng: “I don’t mind.”

Reeve: *blushes* “Me neither…”

Vincent: “It’s fine with me.”

Sephiroth: “………………”

Rufus: “NO WAY IN HELL!”

Lark: *frowns* “You all suck.” *she gets up and leaves*

Sephiroth: “See what you did! You upset Lark!”

All other guys: *blink*

Sephiroth: “I’ll go talk to her.”

(he goes out to the porch where lark is sitting on the steps)

Sephiroth: *sits next to her* “What are you thinking about?”

Lark: “Not much.”

Sephiroth: “Are you mad?”

Lark: “No…” *smiles* “I’m surprised you guys put up with it as long as you did.”

Sephiroth: “Well they all like you Lark…” *pauses then gulps* “We *all* like you.”

Lark: *jokingly* “Nice to know you don’t hate me.”

Sephiroth: “Oh no.” *grins* “Who else knows the words to ‘Don’t Go Breaking My Heart’?”

Lark: *laughs* “Not many people…”

Sephiroth: “You know… We never did get to finish…” *leans towards her*

Lark: *meets his eyes and says a bit breathlessly* “What? The song?”

Sephiroth: “No….” *caresses her cheek and goes to kiss her*

(zell comes running out)

Zell: “Hey! Hi guys!” *sweat drops* “Was I interrupting something?”

Lark: *draws away* “No… What’s up, Zell?”

Sephiroth: *clenches fists* “Grrrr…”

Zell: “Just that the Yankee game is on, and I know you wanted to–“

Lark: “Ooh!” *runs inside*

Zell: “–watch it.” *frowns* “That was fast.” *looks at sephiroth* “What’s your problem?”

Sephiroth: “Start running.”

Zell: “But what did I do!?”

Sephiroth: *takes out the masamune* “Just run!”



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