#4 – No Lark and Annoying People Make Sephiroth….

Shell: “Ugh! I hate this game!”

Originally Published: 6/11/00 . 9 pages

With Lark not around, Shell is stuck dealing with the violent ramble guys. Will she survive?

Ramble Milestones
Nothing this time.

Fighting over a teen magazine? Cloud totally out of character once again? Another plotless piece of pointless drivel. I dislike this ramble so much that writing that about my own work doesn’t even hurt.

(The “room” is pretty quiet. Shell paints the toenails of Squall, who’s asleep on the couch. Cloud’s admiring his newly painted nails in the mirror. Other than them, the room is empty.)

Cloud: *examining his nails* “….pretty.”

Shell: “I got that color scheme out of Cosmo Girl.” *finishes with Squall* “Hehe, this looks *so* cute!”

(Sephiroth barges in, masamune in hand)

Sephiroth *bellows* “Okay, where’s Lark!?”

Cloud: “Who?”

(Squall stirs and wakes up)

Shell: “Look! You woke Squall!”

Squall: “Huh?”

Cloud: *absently* “That’s what I said….I think.”

Sephiroth: “Where is Lark?”

Shell: *shrugs* “She, Noelle and Ashley said they had to go somewhere.”

Squall: *notices his toes* “Uh….what happened to my toes?”

Shell: “I painted them. Doesn’t it look cute?”

Squall: “Whatever.”

Sephiroth: “Who cares? I need to talk to Lark!”

Cloud: “Who?”

(Sephiroth grabs him by the collar)

Shell: “Sephiroth! I told you! She’s not around!”

Cloud: *squeaks* “Help me!” *holds up hands*

Sephiroth: *seeing Cloud’s hands* “She got you too?” *puts Cloud down* “You’re not worth my time.”

Shell: “Want me to do your nails, Sephiroth?”

Sephiroth: *backing away* “No! No, no no! The great Sephiroth does *not* paint his nails!”

(Reno wanders in with Rufus)

Reno: “Did I hear something about painting?”

Rufus: *looks around* “This place *could* use a coat of paint.”

Shell: “No! Painting *nails*! See?” *shows off her nails* “I did Cloud’s and Squall’s….want me to do yours?”

Reno: “Uh…..no.”

Rufus: *sweatdrops* “I’ll pass.”

Shell: *pouts* “Well you guys are no fun.”

Rufus: “Hey, Sephiroth, where’s Lark?”

Sephiroth: *upset* “Not here.” *sits on the floor in the corner*

Reno: “What? But we were supposed to go out drinking!”

Rufus: “Lark doesn’t drink, Reno.”

Reno: “Well, I can *hope*.”

Sephiroth: *plopping down on the floor* “I’m not moving till she comes back.”

Reno: “Hey, we’ll hang around too.”

Rufus: “Well *I* for one have better things to do.”

Reno: *knowingly* “No you don’t.”

Rufus: *frowns* “Fine.” *sits at the table. Reno joins him*

Squall: “Where are my shoes?”

Shell: *thinks* In my closet…. *says* “I have *no* idea! Maybe….someone stole them.”

Squall: *shrugs* “Whatever.”

Cloud: *to Sephiroth* “Can I see your sword?”

Sephiroth: “Only when you’re impaled on it.”

(Cloud moves away, shaking)

Shell: *frowns* “I have plenty of polish.”

Rufus: *handing Reno the issue of Cosmo Girl he found* “Look, Reno, it’s one of those magazines you like.”

Reno: *makes a grab for it* “Hot damn!”

Sephiroth: *mumbles* “Stupid perverted Turk.”

Cloud: “Huh?”

Sephiroth: “I said I hate you, puppet boy.”

(Cloud starts to flip out, the transparent copy seperating from him)

Squall: “Did I fall asleep?”

Shell: “Uh….you’ve been awake several minutes.”

Squall: “Oh. Have you seen Rinoa?”

(Shell buries her head in her hands)

Rufus: “Reno, can I smell the perfume samples?”

Reno: “No!”

Rufus: “Come on! I’m bored!”

Reno: “Get your own teen magazine.”

Sephiroth: *mutters* “Lark had to leave me with these losers…”

Cloud: *stops flipping out* “My nails are purple.”

Sephiroth: *covers ears* “I’m not hearing this!”

(Zell comes running in)

Zell: “Hey, Squall! There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

Squall: “Zell….there are not many places to look.”

Zell: *scratches the back of his head* “Uh…..yeah.”

(Irvine runs in with Rinoa)

Irvine: “You found him, Zell!”

Rinoa: “Hi, Squall.” *smiles*

Squall: *leaps to his feet* “Hi, Rinoa.”

Rinoa: *looks him up and down* “Why did you paint your toenails?”

Shell: *proudly* “I did it.”

Rufus: *trying to grab the magazine away from Reno* “Gimme it, Reno! I just want to smell the samples!”

Reno: *tugging back* “No! I had it first you greedy jerk!”

Irvine: “Howdy, Sephiroth.”

Sephiroth: “Go to hell.”

Irvine: “Hey! I didn’t do anything to you except say howdy!”

Sephiroth: “You’re here. That’s bad enough.”

Irvine: “Well *fine* then.”

Shell: “Uh….I’ll be right back….I’m going to go….uh….do that…thing….now.” *runs out*

Irvine: “What’s wrong with her?”

Sephiroth: “She doesn’t like you.”

Irvine: “Maybe she doesn’t like *you*.”

Sephiroth: *leaps to his feet, masamune in hand* “Everyone likes me!”

(Irvine draws his gun)

Squall: “I haven’t seen you in awhile, Rinoa.”

Rinoa: “I know. I’ve missed you!” *kisses Squall*

Zell: *tapping Squall on the shoulder* “Hey, Squall! Let’s go to the training center and kick some monster ass!”

Squall: *pulling away from Rinoa a minute* “Zell, can’t you see I’m in the middle of something?”

Zell: *hangs head* “Okay…I’ll wait till your done.”

(Rufus and Reno are really having an all out tug of war, each pulling on the magazine with all their might)

Reno: “You’re gonna rip it!”

Rufus: “No, you’re gonna rip it!”

(Sephiroth and Irvine face off)

Sephiroth: “This is it…the final showdown.”

Irvine: “Say your prayers.”

Cloud: *still admiring his nails* “Oooohhhh.”

(Rinoa and Squall are *really* going at it. Zell watches, leaning against the wall)

Zell: “Squall….are you done yet?”

(Reno and Rufus’ fight over the magazine has grown even worse)

Reno: “It’s mine, you stupid, arrogant, stuck up prissy boy!”

Rufus: “No, it’s *mine* you ugly, drunken, perverted slacker!”

Sephiroth: “Okay, at the count of three, I’ll kill you.”

Irvine: “At the count of *2* I’ll kill *you*.”

Sephiroth: “Wait….what?”

Zell: “Squall…come *on*….are you done *now*?”

Squall *still kissing Rinoa* “mmmnuttt dddaaa uuucckkk pppp, elllll.”

Zell: *crosses arms* “Fine.”

Reno: “Let go!”

Rufus: “You let go!”

Sephiroth: “Wait, if you kill me at the count of *2* and I kill you at the count of *3*, that means you kill me first, right?”

Irvine: “Right.”

Sephiroth: *throwing his sword to the ground and throwing a tantrum* “Well that’s not fair!” *lunges for Irvine*

Irvine: *shoots Sephiroth* “Ha ha!”

Sephiroth: *stops to look at the little number of hp’s Irvine took off.* “132?! I was afraid of you taking off 132 hp’s?”

Irvine: *backing up slowly* “Eh heh heh…”

Sephiroth: *evil laughter* “The time has come!” *begins chasing Irvine around the room.*

(Rufus is still pulling on the magazine, but has somehow managed to grab a chunk of Reno’s hair as well. Reno still pulls at the magazine, wincing at the pain)

Reno: “Stupid cheater!”

Rufus: “Give it up, Reno!”

Reno: “Never!!!”

Irvine: *running for his life* “I brought the wrong gun!”

Sephiroth: “Muhahahahahaha!”

Shell: *reentering, looking down at her basket of nail polish* “Okay, form a single line and—” *looks up to see Irvine running from Sephiroth, Rufus trying to kill Reno for the magazine, Rinoa and Squall going at it like their plane was going down while Zell impatiently watches, and Cloud just staring blankly at himself in the mirror* “What the—! Stop this right now!”

Zell: *points to Squall and Rinoa* “Trust me. They won’t. I’ve tried.”

Irvine: *running by* “Help!”

Sephiroth: *right on his heels, laughing evilly* “Nothing can save you now!”

Reno: “Shell! Tell Rufus it’s *my* magazine!”

Rufus: “No, tell Reno it’s mine!”

Cloud: *staring blankly at himself in the mirror* “Who is that…..?”

Shell: *screams in frustration* “Ugh! I hate this game!” *runs out of the room*

(The chaos continues for about another minute….then….)

Lark: *standing the doorway, hands on hips, looks very upset, screams at the top of her lungs* “What the @#$% is going on here!? Where’s Shell?”

(Everyone immediately stops what they were doing and looks at her)

Sephiroth: *forgetting all about Irvine* “Lark!” *runs over and wraps his arms around her legs*

Lark: “What’s going on here? Why is everyone fighting?”

Rufus: *throwing the magazine at Reno* “You can have it.”

Reno: *throwing it back at Rufus* “No, you can have it.”

Cloud: *taps on the mirror* “Hello?”

(Squall and Rinoa separate)

Zell: “Finally!”

Lark: *trying to move* “Sephiroth, I can’t move with you wrapped around my legs like that.”

Sephiroth: “Never, *ever* leave again!”

Lark: *sighs* “I don’t think I even want to know.”


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