#27 – To Oz?

Tin Man: “Moron. Maybe you’re not the only one who needs a brain, Scarecrow.”

Originally Published: 8/10/00 . 45 pages

Synopsis
Lark gets a bump on the head and finds herself in the wonderful land of Oz! Will her trip down the yellow brick road end in happiness? Or will the Wicked Witch of the West trap her forever?

Ramble Milestones
-First ramble dedicated to just parodying just one thing.

I still love this ramble. I think this is the first ramble that’s truly great all the way through and consistently funny to boot. Although I think if I was writing the ramble now, I wouldn’t choose Zell for the scarecrow. He still fits, but the fact that the scarecrow is supposed to be the smartest one is not quite in character with Zell. But it’s not a big deal. One of my favorite things about this ramble are Roto’s lines. I think Red’s part in this ramble might still be his best ever. Anyway, this ramble paved the way for other movie parodies to come.

(twilight, sephiroth, and Wufei are in the tv room)

Twilight: “I’ve thought up a brilliant plan of revenge for that stunt they pulled with our rental tape!”

(all guys shudder)

Wufei: “Sometimes if it’s really quiet, I can *still* hear their weak little voices.”

Twilight: “We’ve all suffered. Now it’s pay back time.”

Sephiroth: “It wasn’t that bad…”

Wufei: “Are you kidding me?!”

Twilight: “You’re a coward! You just don’t wanna hurt Lark!”

Wufei: “You’re weak!”

Twilight: “Coward!”

Sephiroth: *yells* “I AM *NOT* A COWARD!” *brings out masamune* “AND I’LL KILL ANY MAN THAT CALLS ME ONE!!!!”

Twilight: “Good. Then you’ll have no problems getting revenge on Lark by yourself why me and Wufei get Shell.”

Sephiroth: *firmly* “No.”

Wufei: “What’s the plan?”

Twilight: “Well you see…” *the guys crowd around and he whispers everything*


(later. shell’s walking down the hallway. twilight and Wufei are trying to sneak up behind her. she stops to listen and they stop too. then she starts to walk again, and so do they, but she stops again and they hesitate before stopping)

Shell: *knowing smile, sings* “Come meet the Hugabunch…”

Wufei: *covers ears* “Ugh! Nataku!”

Twilight: “That’s not fair!” *twitch*

Shell: “I should have know you clowns would try and get me back! Don’t even *think* about it or I’ll sing the Hugabunch theme song till you pass out. And *then* I’ll dress you up in pink dresses!”

Twilight and Wufei: *turn deathly pale* “We’ll be good.”


(meanwhile, sephiroth’s outside, ready for his plan to scare lark. he hears her coming and hides in some bushes. lark comes outside.)

Lark: *comes outside* “Where is everyone?”

Sephiroth: *from behind the bushes, makes his voice sound like hojo’s* “Lark….”

Lark: *looks around, alarmed* “Hojo??”

Sephiroth: “Wondering where your friends are?”

Lark: “Maybe…..why?”

Sephiroth: “I know where they are….”

Lark: “Where are they? And where are you?”

Sephiroth: “I’m right behind you.”

Lark: “Ah!” *whirls around, but trips, falling down the steps and to the ground with a soft cry*

Sephiroth: *jumps to his feet* “Lark? I–” *sees her lying unconcious* “Holy Jenova! What did I do?!” *runs over and cradles her in his arms* “Lark? LARK!? Oh my god….” *tears* “I’m so sorry…I never should have listened to them. Don’t worry. I’ll fix everything!” *picks her up and carries her inside*

(meanwhile in lark’s dream world….)

(lark wakes up in the ramble room, rubs her eyes and looks around. she’s wearing a very slutty version of the Dorothy costume. it’s much shorter and also much more low cut in the front)

Lark: *confused* “Why am I dressed like this?”

Red: *comes over to her* “Hello.”

Lark: “Red! I’m glad you’re here!”

Red: “I am not Red. I’m Roto. Your dog.”

Lark: “….but you’re not really a dog.”

Roto: “Bark bark. Yes I am. See?”

Lark: “But dogs don’t talk.”

Roto: “Dammit.” *pause* “Well I guess I’m not a dog after all.”

Lark: “Well that’s okay….let’s just go outside and see what the hell’s going on.”

(they do and lark encounters a colorful world where there are many miniature houses)

Lark: “What the @#$% is going on here? This is *not* what you see when you leave the ramble room!”

(suddenly a pink bubble floats to the ground and a girl that looks a lot like Ashley steps out of it)

Alinda: “Hello, little bitch. I’m Alinda, the good bitch of the North. Are you a good bitch or a bad bitch?”

Lark: “I’m not a bitch at all–“

Roto: “So *you* say…”

Lark: “I’m just a webmistress!” *glares at roto* “I heard that.”

Alinda: “A webmistress? I’ve never heard of that!”

Lark: “Well I’ve never heard of good bitches and bad bitches either, but here we are. Anyway, listen lady–“

Alinda: “Alinda. The good bitch of the North.”

Lark: “Whatever. Listen, I seemed to have watched a little *too* much Wizard of Oz, so if you could just point me–“

Alinda: “Well that explains it!”

Lark: “Huh? Explains what?”

Alinda: “How you killed the wicked bitch of the East. Scarlet.” *points*

(lark turns around to see the falling ramble room crushed scarlet, leaving only her feet exposed)

Lark: “So she *was* a bitch! I knew it!”

Alinda: “Since you know the Wizard, it explains how you killed her.”

Lark: “Huh? What wizard?”

Alinda: “That’s not important now.” *calls* “Oh munchkins! You can come out now!”

(munchkins looking like reno, tseng, rude and elena come out)

Lark: “You guys look familiar…”

Munchkin Tseng: “As Mayor of the Munchkin City, I’d like to personally thank you for ridding us of the evil bitch, Scarlet.”

Munchkin Reno: “Do you have any booze on ya? The bitch took it all.”

Munchkin Rude: “No, you *drank* it all.”

Munchkin Reno: “Shut up, man! She doesn’t know that!”

Alinda: “I only think it’s proper that you get to wear the magical ruby red spike heels.”

Lark: “I don’t walk well in heels. And besides, I don’t want to wear anything that skank touched.”

Roto: *mutters* “Look who’s talking.”

Lark: “What did I tell you about dogs being able to talk?”

Alinda: *brings shoes over* “Just be sure you never *ever* take these off.”

Lark: *puts them on* “Why?”

(big puff of green smoke and a woman, clad in red and who looks a lot like shell appears. the munchkins hide)

Bitch: “Who killed my sister? Who killed the Bitch of the East?” *points to lark* “Was it you?”

Lark: “Yes. I hated her guts.”

Bitch: “Yeah. Me too. I don’t really care about her. I just came by to get the shoes.”

Alinda: “Too late! This young webmistress has already claimed them, and you *know* what that means!”

Lark: “Finders keepers!”

Bitch: “Give me those spike heels! They go better with my outfit!”

Lark: “No way! The Good bitch told me that they have special powers and never to take them off!”

Alinda:Β  “You have no power here. Now be gone before someone drops a ramble room on you too!”

Bitch: *looks up at the sky* “Fine…I’ll go…” *glares at lark* “But I’ll get you, my pretty! And you’re little…little…” *looks at roto* “well….I’ll get whatever the hell that is too.”

Roto: *mutters, paw to his head* “This is beginning to get awkward.”

(the bitch disappers in a puff of smoke with some evil laughter)

Lark: “Who the hell was that?”

Alinda: “The Wicked Bitch of the West. She’s very evil and very powerful. It’s best to just stay out of her way.” *calls* “Okay, Munchkins! She’s gone!”

(the munchkins come back out)

Munchkin Reno: “Geez! I’m sick of all these bitches hanging around!” *Alinda glares at him* “Except you…of course…heh heh…” *sweat drops*

Munchkin Tseng: “Well at least the Wicked Bitch of the East is gone. Now we’re free!”

Munchkin Elena: “Yeah! Munchkins rock!” *gets a look from munchkin tseng, meekly* “Sorry.”

Lark: “Well I’m glad you guys are happy, but what about me? How am I going to get back to where all my friends are?”

Alinda: “I have no idea.”

Lark: “This sucks.”

Alinda: “But maybe the Wizard can help you!”

Lark: “What Wizard?”

Alinda: “The Wizard of Oz! You said you knew him!”

Lark: “No I didn’t! Who is this Wizard? Where can I find him?”

Alinda: “Not much is known about the Wizard, but it is said his power surpasses the powers of even the bitches. He lives in the Emerald City.”

Lark: “Where the hell is that?”

Alinda: “Just follow the yellow brick road.”

Lark: *mumbles* “Definitely watched too much Wizard of Oz.”

Alinda: “Huh?”

Lark: “Nothing. Just follow the road, huh?”

Alinda: “Yeah. Do you want me to write it down?”

Lark: “Geez! I know you’re a bitch, but you don’t have to act like one! Come on, Roto.”

Alinda: “Remember, *never* take off those shoes, no matter how much they hurt!”

Lark: “I won’t! I don’t want that bitch to get her hands on them!” *looks down* “So I just follow the road, huh?”

Alinda: “YES!”

Lark: “Fine fine! I’m going now!”

(so lark and roto head down the yellow brick road a pretty long way till they come to a field)

Lark: “You know, Roto, that Alinda looked a lot like my friend Ashley.” *stumbles* “Ow! These spike heels really hurt my feet. I think I’ll rest awhile.” *stumbles over to a fence and leans on it* “And I can’t even take these things off to rest them! Whatever power these shoes have, it better be damn good.”

Voice: “Hey, can you help me?”

Lark: *looks around* “Huh?” *looks at roto* “I told you dogs couldn’t talk!”

Roto: “It wasn’t me anyway.”

Lark: “Then who the hell was it?”

Voice: “Me! Can you help me? You’re really pretty.”

Lark: *turns around, smiling* “Sure I’ll help you! If you tell me where you are.”

Voice: “I’m here! In the cornfield!”

Lark: *looks at the scarecrow, who looks a lot like zell* “Did you just….talk?”

Scarecrow: “Yup. Can you help me?”

Lark: “First there are talking dogs, now talking scarecrows! What’s next, talking trees?!” *she goes into the cornfield* “What do you need me to do?”

Scarecrow: “I’m stuck! Can you untie me from this pole?”

Lark: “Sure….” *she goes around back and unties the scarecrow. he falls to the ground* “Oh! Are you okay?”

Scarecrow: “Fine! Thank you so much!” *struggles to his feet* “Boy, I haven’t walked in a long time.” *takes a few steps and falls*

Lark: *laughs* “Are you all right?” *staggers over to him* “Maybe you should practice a little first.”

Scarecrow: “I’ll get used to it. What brings a pretty girl like you all the way out here?”

Lark: “Well, I’m going to the Emerald City to see the Wizard of OZ.”

Scarecrow: “Why?”

Lark: *sighs* “Well I have to find a way out of here. You see, I don’t come from here.”

Scarecrow: “Where do you come from?”

Lark: “An equally scary place.” *laughs*

Scarecrow: “Oh.” *pause* “Hey…do you think the Wizard can do *anything*?”

Lark: “Well the way the Good Bitch of the North talked about him, I would think so. Why?”

Scarecrow: “Well, you see, I don’t have a brain.”

Lark: “Sure you do! After all, you’re alive and nothing can live without a brain! Even my ghetto dog has a brain!”

Roto: *mutters* “Thanks. Thanks a lot.”

Scarecrow: “No! I really don’t have one! The farmer said I was dumb cause I didn’t have no brain!” *frowns* “He also called me a chicken-wuss.”

Lark: “Aw! Well you’re not dumb!”

Scarecrow: “Still…I would love to have a real brain.” *grins* “Do you think you would mind if I came to the Emerald City to see the Wizard of OZ with you…uh….damn. See! I don’t even remember your name!”

Lark: *giggles* “That’s cause I never told you it! My name is Lark, and no, I wouldn’t mind at all! You’re pretty cute and Roto is lousy company.”

Roto: “It’s been no picnic for me either.”

Scarecrow: *jumps up and down* “Whoo hoo! Whoa!” *stumbles*

Lark: *catches him* “I think we’ll make a good team, considering you can’t walk straight, and I can’t walk in these shoes!”

Scarecrow: “Those do look uncomfortable. Why don’t you take them off?”

Lark: “I can’t! They belonged to the Wicked Bitch of the East, but I killed her with my falling ramble room, so the Good Bitch of the North gave them to me. Now the Wicked Bitch of the West wants them, so I can’t ever take them off, no matter how much they hurt.”

Scarecrow: *scratches his head* “That sounds kinda complicated. I’ll take your word for it.”

Lark: “I hope that Wicked Bitch doesn’t come after me.”

Scarecrow: “If she does, I’ll protect ya!” *punches the air* “Don’t worry!”

Lark: “Doesn’t look like you’re afraid of anything!”

Scarecrow: “There’s only one thing I’m afraid of….”

Lark: “What? Tornados? They scare the crap outta me.”

Scarecrow: “No!” *points to straw* “Fire.”

Lark: “Oh! Yeah, I could see that! Well we’ll keep you away from any fire.”

Roto: “Can we go now?”

Scarecrow: “Did your….whatever the hell that is just talk?”

Lark: “Yes, but it’s best to ignore him.”

Roto: “I hate you.”

Lark: “Ready, Scarecrow?”

Scarecrow: “Ready, Lark!” *offers his arm*

Lark: *takes it* “Let’s go!”

(they stumble off down the road)


(a while later. lark and scarecrow are stumbling along and they look pretty tired.)

Lark: “I’m starving! But there’s nothing to eat!”

Scarecrow: “Why don’t you eat Roto?”

Roto: “I will kill you first.”

Lark: “No…he’s mildly amusing.” *looks around* “Hey! Are those apples?” *stumbles over* “Ooh! They are! Help me pick some!”

(she and the scarecrow start to pick some, when suddenly they are both pushed away)

Lark: “Hey! What gives!?”

Tree #1: *that speaks with barret’s voice* “Yo! Get yo’ ass away from my apples, woman!”

Tree #2: *that speaks with cid’s voice* “@#$% ^&**@!”

Lark: *sighs* “So there *are* talking trees. I should have known better.”

Scarecrow: *flips out* “Hey! Just give us some apples! She’s really hungry!”

Tree #1: “No! They’s apples is mine! Now get your straw ass off our property!”

Tree #2: “@#$% ^&*@!”

Scarecrow: “I won’t back down without a fight!”

Lark: “Use your limit break!”

Scarecrow: “Huh?”

Lark: *blushes* “Never mind. Just kick it’s ass.”

Scarecrow: “Take this!” *starts throwing apples at the trees*

Tree #1: “You call that aim?!” *starts throwing apples back*

Tree #2: “@#$% ^&*@!” *throws apples*

Scarecrow: “Hurry, Lark! Pick them up!!”

(lark runs around picking up apples. she ends up deep in the woods)

Lark: “I think I have enough.” *looks around* “Now where the hell am I? Scarecrow?”

Scarecrow’s voice: “Coming!”

Voice: “He…..lp…….me…..”

Lark: “Huh? Am I hearing things?”

Voice: “He……lp……me…..”

(lark turns around to see a man standing frozen with a shot gun. he’s made mostly of tin, except his face, which looks a lot like rufus)

Lark: “Of course! The tin man!”

Tin Man: “He…….lp……me….”

Lark: *picks up the oil can* “So…where should I oil you first?” *wink*

Tin Man: “My….mou…..th….”

Lark: “Oh, your mouth!” *oils his mouth*

Tin Man: “Thanks! I can talk again! Now oil the rest of me!”

Lark: “Sure thing.” *starts oiling the tin man*

Scarecrow: *runs up* “Lark, what are you doing? Who’s this guy?”

Tin Man: “I was caught in the rain and rusted stiff. She’s helping me out.”

Scarecrow: “Yeah….”

Lark: “All done!”

Tin Man: “Yeah! After all these long years!” *stumbles forward*

Lark: *mutters* “Can I meet *anyone* who can walk?”

Tin Man: “So, what’s a pretty girl like you doing out in the woods?”

Lark: “The Scarecrow and I are going to see The Wizard of OZ so I can get home again.”

Scarecrow: “And I can get a brain.”

Tin Man: “Is that so?” *thinks* “You don’t think he could give me a heart, do you?”

Lark: “You don’t have a heart?” *sighs* “No one can walk, and they don’t have all their vital organs either.”

Tin Man: *frowns* “No. But I would like one. That way I could feel emotion.”

Lark: “Why don’t you come with us?”

Scarecrow: “Do you really think that’s a good idea?”

Lark: “Why not? Would you like to, Tin Man?”

Tin Man: “Will this require a lot of walking?”

Lark: “So far it has.”

Tin Man: *moans* “Well…..I hate walking, but I guess I have no choice. I really want a heart.”

Lark: “Great! Now we’re a threesome!” *claps a hand over her mouth* “Oops.” *smile*

Roto: *mutters* “Great. More rejects.”

Lark: “Are we ready?”

Tin Man: “To OZ?” *offers his arm*

Scarecrow: *glares at tin man* “To OZ.” *offers his arm*

Lark: *accepts them both* “Let’s go!”

(they get out of the woods and onto the road, but they take 2 steps before a puff of black smoke appears on top of a house)

Lark: “Oh no! It’s the Wicked Bitch of the West!”

Bitch: “Mwha haa haa! So you’ve found some friends have you?”

Scarecrow: *starts to flip out* “Yeah! You gotta problem?”

Tin Man: *raises shotgun* “Try saying that again!”

Bitch: “Ha ha! Your puny threats are no match for my powers!” *she waves her hand and pushes the tin man to the ground*

Tin Man: *whines* “Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”

Bitch: “And how about some fire for you, Scarecrow?” *ball of fire appears in her hand*

Scarecrow: “Ack!” *hides behind lark* “Anything but that!”

Bitch: “And as for you, my sweet fashion victim–“

Lark: “Hey, for your information, bitch, I did not pick this out!”

Bitch: “Anyway, I’ll get you. Better watch your back! Mwha haa haa!” *disappears*

Lark: “She is really getting on my nerves!” *helps the tin man up* “Are you all right?”

Tin Man: “Yeah…” *narrows eyes* “Don’t worry, Lark. Next time I’ll shoot her.”

Lark: “Aren’t you supposed to have an axe?”

Tin Man: “A what?”

Lark: “Never mind.” *turns to the scarecrow* “Are you okay?” *caresses his cheek*

Scarecrow: “Yeah….fire just…” *shudders*

Lark: “No sense of being scared of her! That’s what she wants! Now come on, we’ve got an Emerald City to reach!”

(they all link arms and go off into the woods)


(some time later….the threesome and roto are walking through a very deep part of the woods…)

Tin Man: “I don’t like this….”

Scarecrow: *sounds scared himself* “Coward.”

Lark: “You know, we could run into something scary like a Marborlo or a dragon or an Imp any second.”

(everyone stops in their tracks and listens to the eerie sounds around them, clinging to each other)

Lark: “I say the sooner we get out of here the better.”

(they start walking again)

Scarecrow: “Marborlos?”

Lark: “Dragons?”

Tin Man: “Or Imps?

Roto: *rolls eyes* “Oh please.”

Scarecrow: “Marborlos…”

Lark: “Dragons…”

Tin Man: “Or Imps…”

Roto: “Oh please.”

Scarecrow: “Marborlos?!”

Lark: “Dragons?!”

Tin Man: “Or Imps?!”

Roto: *yells* “Oh please!”

Voice: “GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!”

Everyone: “AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” *all hide behind roto*

(out jumps someone that looks just like sephiroth, except that he has kitty ears and a tail)

Lion: “Grrrrrr! Ha ha! I will become one with the forest!”

Roto: *rolls eyes* “Right….”

Lion: “What, you don’t believe me, you insignificant….insignificant…” *pause* “What the hell are you?”

Roto: “It’s best not to think about it.”

Lion: “It doesn’t matter! I’ll kill you anyway!” *goes to attack roto*

Lark: “No!” *slaps the lion* “If you kill Roto, who will make sarcastic comments behind our backs!?”

Lion: “Ow!” *a hand to his cheek* “That hurt, woman!” *starts crying*

Lark: “That made you cry?! You’re supposed to be a lion! You know! Corageous and all that crap!”

Scarecrow: “You’re nothing but a coward!”

Tin Man: “Yeah. A coward!”

Lion: *cries, hangs head* “It’s true….I’m a coward. I want to be tough, but I’m really scared of everything!”

Lark: “Aw! Poor Lion!” *hugs him*

Scarecrow: “Hey! How comes he gets a hug? I don’t have a brain you know!”

Tin Man: “And I don’t have a heart!”

Lark: “But he’s so cute!” *tickles lion behind the ears*

Lion: “I like you…” *purrs and wags his tail*

Lark: “Hey you know, we’re going to the Emerald City to see if the Wizard can send me home, give the Scarecrow a brain and the Tin Man a heart. If you want, you can come along and see if the Wizard will give you some courage!”

Scarecrow: “Hey! We don’t want him along!”

Tin Man: “I can tell he’ll be annoying.”

Scarecrow: “He won’t be the only one.”

Tin Man: “Hey! I have not been annoying!”

Scarecrow: “You whined the whole from the apple forest till here!”

Tin Man: “Oh yeah? Well guess what? You’re not tough!”

Scarecrow: *starts flipping out* “I am too!”

Lark: “Boys, please! Or no one’s getting anything!”

Tin Man and Scarecrow: *frown* “Fine.”

Lion: “I’d really like to come with you. I really need some courage.”

Lark: “Then you’re most welcome to join us. I’m Lark, and the unknown animal you almost killed is Roto.”

Lion: “There won’t be anything scary along the way, will there?”

Scarecrow: “Well, there *is* this evil Bitch after Lark….”

Tin Man: “And she *did* just try to kill us….”

Lion: *pales* “Really??”

Lark: “Oh come on! Don’t listen to them! Please come?” *bats eyelashes* “Please?”

Lion: “Okay. I’ll come.”

(scarecrow and tin man snap their fingers in disappointment)

Lark: “Okay, then! Let’s go!” *she stumbles a few steps* “Damn these shoes.”

Lion: “Want me to carry you?”

Lark: *eyes light up* “You would do that?”

Lion: “Sure!”

Lark: “Great! Sure!”

(the lion picks her up, and they continue down the path, the tin man the the scarecrow behind them)

Scarecrow: “I could have carried her…”

Tin Man: “Me too.”

Roto: “Oh shut up.”


(meanwhile…the bitch is in her castle, looking at her magic crystal ball)

Bitch: “So they think they’ll make it to the Emerald City? Well I’ll stop them!” *looks at her perfume collection* “Ah ha! This’ll do it!” *takes down one of the bottles* “Poppies….poppies…poppies will put them to sleep.” *waves her hands over the crystal ball* “Sleep…now they’ll sleep….”

(back to our good guys….roto is in the front, followed by the lion and lark, and finally scarecrow and the tin man)

Tin Man: “I’m tired.”

Scarecrow: “Stop whining.”

Tin Man: “You stop whining.”

Scarecrow: “I’m *not* whining! You are!”

Lark: *still being carried by the lion* “Shut up! The Lion’s not complaining!” *scratches the lion behind the ears. he purrs*

Roto: *mutters* “Wonder why.”Β  *suddenly he spots the emerald city* “Um…Bark bark! Bark bark bark!”

Lark: “Just tell me what it is.”

Roto: “Emerald City. Dead ahead.”

Lark: “Really?!” *the lion puts her down and she runs ahead* “Wow! It is! It really is!”

(the guys run up besides her)

Lion: “I’m going to get my courage!”

Scarecrow: “I’m going to get me a brain!”

Tin Man: “I’m going to get a heart!”

Lark: “I’m going to go home!! Come on!” *runs into the poppy field*

(everyone follows)

Lark: *after running a little while, yawns* “Boy…I’m so tired all of the sudden.”

Roto: “Must…..sleep….” *passes out*

Scarecrow: “Hey…the whatever passed out.”

Tin Man: “Good.”

Lion: *yawns* “I’m tired too…”

Lark: *plops down in the field* “Just let me sleep a little, and then we’ll continue, okay guys?” *she falls down asleep*

Lion: *yawns* “Yeah. Me too.” *gets down besides lark*

Tin Man: “No, Lion!”

Lion: “Must sleep besides Lark.” *he cuddles besides lark and falls asleep*

Scarecrow: “Oh no! I bet that Wicked Bitch is behind this! They could never wake up!”

Tin Man: “Well who cares about the lion or the whatever. Let’s just get Lark outta here.”

Scarecrow: “No, she would be mad at us if we left them here.”

Tin Man: “Well let’s try to pick them up. I can carry Lark.” *picks her up*

Scarecrow: “You want to me carry the Lion and the whatever?”

Tin Man: “What? I thought you were so strong!”

Scarecrow: “Yeah, I’m strong, but that Lion weighs a billion tons!” *kicks the lion*

Tin Man: “This is horrible! Just horrible!” *whines* “What are we going to do?!” *starts crying*

Scarecrow: “Don’t start crying, cause I sure as hell am *not* oiling you.”

Tin Man: “Then what do you suggest we do?”

Scarecrow: “Um…call for help?”

Tin Man: *disbeliving look* “Call for help?”

Scarecrow: “Yeah!” *yells* “Help!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!”

Tin Man: *sighs, half heartedly* “Help….help….”

(suddenly they see a pink bubble and Alinda steps out)

Scarecrow: “See! I told you it would work!”

Tin Man: “Who are you?”

Alinda: “I’m Alinda, the Good Bitch of the North.”

Scarecrow: “Oh yeah! You’re the one who gave Lark the ruby red spike heels!”

Alinda: “That’s right. Now I’ll cast a spell to wake them up.”

Scarecrow: “Told you it would work!”

Tin Man: “Stop bragging.”

Alinda: *waves her wand* “That should do it.” *she gets back in her bubble*

Scarecrow: “Thank you!”

(the good bitch of the north floats away)

Lark: *yawns, and wakes up* “Huh? Where am I?”

Tin Man: *puts her down* “Yeah! It actually *did* work.”

(roto and the lion wake up)

Scarecrow: “Yeah. Too well.” *frowns*

Lion: *gets up* “What happened?”

Lark: “I don’t know. Who cares? Let’s go into the Emerald City!”

(they all go up to the city.)

Tin Man: “How do we get in?”

Scarecrow: “Ring the bell.”

(lark rings the bell and a guy that looks like Squall pokes his head out)

Guard: “Don’t ring the bell. It’s broken. You have to knock. Didn’t you read the sign?”

Lark: “What sign?”

Scarecrow: “There’s no sign.”

Guard: “Whatever.” *puts out a sign that says: bell is broken. please knock and goes back in*

Tin Man: “That was weird.”

(the lion knocks)

Guard: *pokes his head out* “That’s better. Now what is it?”

Lark: “We’re here to see the Wizard!”

Guard: “Do you have an appointment?”

Lark: “No….”

Guard: “Then I can’t let you in.”

Tin Man: “Come on! Don’t be mean!” *whines* “We came all this way!”

Guard: “Too bad.”

Lion: *frowns* “This sucks….”

Lark: “But–but…I really need to see the Wizard!”

Guard: “Whatever.”

Scarecrow: *thinks* “Wait! She was sent here by the Good Bitch of the North!”

Lark: “That’s right.”

Guard: “Whatever.”

Lark: “I was!”

Guard: “Prove it!”

Scarecrow: “The shoes!”

Lark: “Right!” *holds out her foot* “See?”

Guard: *jaw drops* “Those shoes belonged to the Wicked Bitch of the East! How did you…”

Lark: “The Good Bitch of the North gave them to me.” *smiles* “*Now* do you believe me?”

Guard: “Whatever. You may enter.”

(he opens the door to reveal a huge city where basically everything is green.)

Lark: “Wow….”

Guard: “You guys should go get cleaned up before seeing the Wizard. And everyone here wears green, so you might want to change so you can, you know, blend.”

Lark: *smiles* “Thanks, we will.”

(so they all go get cleaned up. lark is being tended to by a guy that looks like Irvine, the scarecrow is being tended to a girl that looks like quistis, the tin man is being tended to by a girl that looks like rinoa, and the lion is being tended to by a girl that looks like selphie)

Lark: *getting her hair done* “Hey, have you ever seen this Wizard?”

Irvine-guy: “Nope.”

Lark: “What does he do all day?”

Irvine-guy: “He stays in his chamber and does…Wizard stuff.”

Lark: “Hmmmm….”

(meanwhile…at the scarecrow)

Scarecrow: “Better put some new straw in me. There’s this girl I gotta impress.”

Quistis-girl: “You got it.”

(meanwhile…at the tin man)

Tin Man: “Make sure I’m nice and shiny. There’s is obnoxcious Scarecrow I have to show up.”

Rinoa-girl: “All right.”

(meanwhile…at the lion)

Lion: “I have to look really nice for this girl I like, so keep that in mind.”

Selphie-girl: “Tee hee! Sure!”

(about an hour later. all the friends meet up again. they all look very nice. lark has on a similar dress to the one she had before, but it’s green now)

Lark: *mutters* “Why do they keep putting me in these slutty dresses?

Guys: *drool*

Lark: “Okay, well, let’s go see the Wizard!”

(they walk over to the wizard’s chamber, and there is a guard outside that looks just like zechs)

Lark: “Hi! We need to see the Wizard.”

Guard: “Sorry. No one sees the Wizard.”

Lark: “But I have the magic shoes the Good Bitch of the North gave me!”

Guard: *looks* “You have the ruby red spike heels?”

(everyone nods excitedly)

Guard: “Well then….I’ll see about it.” *goes inside*

Lark: *jumps up and down* “Yeah! We’re going to see the Wizard! I’m so happy!”

Scarecrow: “I’m going to get my brain!”

Tin Man: *smiles* “I’m going to get my heart…..”

Lion: “And I’ll get my courage.”

Roto: “Maybe I can get some anti-nausea medicine.”

Lion: “Now when I return to the forest, I can scare all the animals that laughed in my face before!”

Lark: “Aw! You’re so cute!” *scratches him behind the ears*

Lion: “Hehe…” *wags tail* “I’m not cute, woman….”

(the guard comes back out, and everyone looks at him expectantly)

Scarecrow: “Well?”

Guard: “The Wizard says go away.”

Tin Man: *jaw drops* “Go away??”

Scarecrow: “But she has the spike heels!”

Guard: “The Wizard says *go away*.”

Lion: *cries* “Now I’ll *never* get my courage!”

Lark: *cries* “And I’ll never get home!”

Roto: “Damn. Now I’ll never get rid of her.”

Scarecrow: “Aw! Don’t cry, Lark.”

Tin Man: “Yeah. We’ll stay with you and be your friends.”

Scarecrow: “If you really want me to, I’ll beat up the guard.”

Lark: “No….that’s okay, Scarecrow.” *dries her eyes* “He reminds me of Zechs, and I could never order any one who looked like Zechs to be beat up.”

Guard: “Wait a minute. Did you mention Zechs?”

Lark: *perks up* “Yeah! Zechs! As in Gundam Wing! I love that show! Why, do you have it here?”

Guard: “Maybe you can see the Wizard after all. Follow me.”

(everyone looks surprised, but they hurry to follow the guard inside)

Guard: “Just go straight down this hallway.”

Lark: “Thank you!”

(the guard goes outside, leaving them in a dark, almost pitch black hallway)

Scarecrow: “Um….okay…”

Tin Man: “Get your hand off my ass, Scarecrow.”

Scarecrow: “That’s yours? Whoops.”

Lion: “I’m scared of the dark!”

Lark: “Don’t be scared! Come on, let’s go.”

(lark links arms with the lion and tin man, the scarecrow is next to the tin man, and roto is on the other side of the lion)

Lion: “Anything could jump out and eat us!”

Scarecrow: “Nothing is going to jump and eat you *inside*.”

Tin Man: “Stop being such a coward, Lion.”

(they walk in silence a moment)

Lion: *screams* “Ahh!!”

Lark: “What? What is it?”

Lion: “Something pulled my tail!” *pause* “Wait…it was me. Never mind.”

Tin Man: “Moron. Maybe you’re not the only one who needs a brain, Scarecrow.”

Lark: “Come on. Let’s go in.” *she opens the door*

Lion: *screams* “AHHH!” *hides behind lark*

Tin Man: “What the…”

Scarecrow: “Huh?”

Lark: “Treize!”

Treize: *who sits on a throne, book in hand, legs crossed. he looks up* “Lark?”

Lark: “Treize! Why didn’t you let me in?” *she runs up and hugs him*

Treize: *hugs her* “I didn’t know it was you!”

Lark: “You know, your guard looks a lot like Zechs.”

Trezie: *winks* “I know.”

Lark: “Sorry to disturb you. What were you reading?”

Treize: *puts it down* “Just my favorite Anne Rice novel. But it’s no matter. What are you doing here?” *looks over* “And who are those people?”

Lark: “They’re some people I picked up along the way. You see I woke up in the ramble room and found it had crash landed in this strange place and crushed the Wicked Bitch of the East. So then I got her magic shoes and got sent to you to see if you could send me home! Now what are you doing here?”

Treize: “Remember when the Tallgeese II exploded in the series?”

Lark: *tear* “Yeah….when you half comitted suicide using Wufei?”

Treize: “Right, anyway, I thought I was dead, but somehow I ended up here.”

Lark: “That doesn’t make much sense.”

Treize: “I know, but nothing I do does. Anyway, these people think I’m some sort of Wizard. I told them I came from OZ, so hence my full title. The Wizard of OZ.”

Lark: “Makes sense….I guess.”

Treize: “So, what do you need?”

Lark: “Well….” *frowns* “You’re not a real wizard, babe. You’re just a really hot guy who’s really smart.”

Treize: “True. But I think I can help you with whatever you need if…”

Lark: “If what? I’ll do anything to go home! And you can come with me!”

Treize: “I believe I’ll be able to help you if you bring me the mirror of the Wicked Bitch of the West.”

Lark: “But, Treize! She’s after me! She wants my shoes!”

Treize: “But her mirror is rumored to contain great powers. If I had it, I could help you.”

Scarecrow: “It’s worth the risk, Lark.”

Lion: “No it isn’t!”

Tin Man: “Shut up! You’re getting on my nerves!”

Scarecrow: *mutters* “He’s not the only one…”

Lark: *thinks aloud* “Magic mirror, huh?….I bet she carries it around with her all the time, right?”

Treize: “Of course. She’s a very vain little bitch. You’ll have to kill her to get it.”

Lark: *sighs* “I don’t have a choice. I have to get that mirror.”

Tin Man: “Well, where does she live?”

Scarecrow: “Uh…in the *west*. Duh!”

Tin Man: *smacks him upside the head* “Well I knew that, idiot! I meant *where* in the West!”

Treize: “I believe it’s just beyond the haunted forest.”

Lion: *gulp* “Haunted Forest?”

Treize: “Don’t worry. I hear it’s just a name.”

Lark: “We’ll go kill the Bitch, get the mirror, then come back here and have all our problems solved!”

Roto: “Right….”


(the team comes up to the haunted forest, which is very creepy looking with knarled trees and lots of spooky sounds)

Lion: *reads the sign* “Haunted Forest. I’d turn back if I were you.” *trembles* “Just a name my tail!” *turns around and tries to leave*

Lark: “No turning back now, hon! We gotta get that mirror!”

(meanwhile…at the castle of the wicked bitch…she’s looking into her crystal ball)

Bitch: “So they think they can just storm my castle and steal my mirror, huh?” *smiles* “I’ll just have to teach them a little lesson.” *claps her hands and enter two winged monkeys that look like twilight and Wufei*

Twi-monkey: “Again? Leave us alone.”

Wu-monkey: “You suck.”

Bitch: “Stop insulting me! I have a job for you! It involves hurting things!”

Both: *jump up and down* “Yeah!”

Bitch: *points to the crystal ball* “You see these rejects? There are 5 of them. The Scarecrow, the Tin Man and that stupid lion are to be badly injured. As for the girl and her…her…” *squints* “What the hell is that?”

Twi-monkey: “A cat?”

Wu-monkey: “A….thing?”

Bitch: “Whatever it is doesn’t matter. I want the girl and that thing brought to me unharmed, you hear?”

Twi-monkey: “Yeah. Geez, lady. We’re not dumb.”

Wu-monkey: “Wu-monkey is smartest!”

Bitch: “What are you waiting for? Go get them!”

Wu-monkey: “We might have call in back up.”

Bitch: “Fine! I don’t care! Just DO IT!”

(the two monkey’s fly out the window)

Twi-monkey: “I used to wonder why she’s such a Wicked Bitch, but now I get it.”

Wu-monkey: “Oh, I never wondered. I’ll get Tro-monkey, Duo-monkey and Qua-monkey to help us.”

Twi-monkey: “Ok, but I claim that wimpy lion!”

Wu-monkey: “I want the girl.”

(meanwhile, back to the good guys…)

Lion: “I think I hear something!”

Tin Min: “Would you stop overreacting to everything? It’s just an owl!”

Lion: “No! Not the owl! Something else!”

Tin Man: “You’re crazy.”

Lion: “For your information, buddy. I’m a cat. I hear a lot better than you do. And you probably still have rust in your ears anyway.”

Tin Man: “Hey!” *chin quivers* “Lark! He’s being mean!”

Lark: “Now’s no time to start crying, Tin Man. I don’t have time to oil you.” *pause* “Wait…I do hear something. And it’s definitely *not* an owl.”

Scarecrow: *points* “What’s that?”

Lark: *squints* “What the….” *jaw drops* “That’s a mobile suit!!!! It’s a Gundam!!” *pause* “Oh man, I can’t *believe* I just said that.”

Scarecrow: “There are 4 of them! And one…flying….thing.”

Lark: *looks* “A flying monkey?! What the hell?”

Lion: “RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!”

(everyone starts running around like crazy people. twi-monkey grabs the lion and carries him off)

Lion: *sobs* “I want my mommy!”

Lark: “Lion!!”

(the tin man gets grabbed by qua-monkey and the sandrock gundam and carried off)

Tin Man: *whines* “Put me down!”

Lark: “Tin Man!”

(the scarecrow gets grabbed by duo-monkey and the deathsythe gundam and carried off)

Scarecrow: “Help!”

Lark: “Oh no! Scarecrow!” *she looks up to see Tro-monkey and the heavyarms gundam bearing down on her* “Oh. It’s only Heavyarms.”

(but heavyarms goes over her head and picks up roto)

Lark: “Oh. They just took Roto.” *shrugs*

Roto: *mutters* “I love you too.”

Lark: “Then what the hell…” *eyes widen suddenly* “OH @#$%!!! SHENLONG!!!” *she starts running, but the dragon arm of the shenlong extends and grabs her*

Wu-monkey: “Ha ha! I’ve got you, my pretty!”

Lark: “This is the most screwed up world ever! *Flying* monkey’s flying Gundams! Why don’t you just fly using your wings?!”

Wu-monkey: “We’re better protected this way.”

Lark: “Where are you taking me?!”

Wu-monkey: “To my mistress, the Wicked Bitch of the West. She has plans for you.”

Lark: *cries* “This sucks!” *glares at wu-monkey* “You’re weak! And so’s Nataku!”

Wu-monkey: “Don’t talk badly about me or Nataku! You’re surely pay for this!”

(meanwhile, the lion has pulled himself out of the tree and is cleaning his cuts with his tongue)

Scarecrow’s voice: “Help! Help!”

Lion: *ears perk up* “Huh?”

Scarecrow’s voice: Help me!”

Lion: *runs over to the scarecrow* “What happened?”

Scarecrow: “My straw! They took it out and threw it all around!”

Lion: “I’ll find it.” *starts gathering*

(the tin man stumbles over, a little dented)

Tin Man: “Look! They dented me! Now I’m not all pretty any more!”

Scarecrow: “Big deal! No one thought you were pretty to begin with.”

Tin Man: “Stop being mean!”

Lion: *comes over with arms full of straw* “Here. Help me, Tin Man.”

(the lion and the tin man put the scarecrow back to together and pull him to his feet)

Scarecrow: “Where’s Lark?”

Tin Man: “I think they carried her off and took her to the Bitch’s castle!”

Scarecrow: “What about that other thing?”

Lion: “They took Roto too.”

Scarecrow: “We have to get her back!”

Tin Man: “How?”

Scarecrow: *thinks* “I’m not sure, but whatever it is we’ll have to work together. We can’t be fighting if we’re going to free Lark. Agreed?”

Tin Man and Lion: *nod* “Agreed.”

Scarecrow: *fist in the air* “Okay! Let’s get this started!”

(they creep up to the castle and see three people that look like hojo, nida and heidegger marching outside.)

Hei-winky: “Gya haa haa!”

Nid-winky: “Ho hoo hoo”

Ho-winky: “He hee hee!”

Lion: “I’m scared!”

Tin Man: *cringes* “Uh. They have the worst laughs I’ve ever heard. Glad I don’t have to work with them.”

Scarecrow: “If we beat them up and use their costumes, we can get in the castle!”

Tin Man: “But how are we going to get them over here?”

Scarecrow: “Hmmm….” *he and the tin man look at the lion*

Lion: “No! I’m too scared!”

Tin Man: “Suck it up.”

(a second later the lion pops up from where the 3 have been hiding)

Lion: *waves weakly* “Um…hello! Please don’t kill me!”

Hei-winky: *looks over* “Gya?”

Nid-winky: “Kill him!”

Lion: *gulp* “I said *don’t kill me!” *he ducks*

(as the winkys run over, the tin man hits them on the head with the butt of his gun.)

Scarecrow: *looks down at the unconcious winkys* “Now we put on the costumes.”

(the guys put the uniforms on)

Lion: *frowns* “There’s no place for my tail….”

Tin Man: “Come on. We’re going.”

(they stroll inside the castle)

Lion: “I’m scared…”

Tin Man: “What else is new?” *sighs* “Where to now?”

Scarecrow: “Good question….”

(meanwhile, lark is brought kicking and screaming to the wicked bitch by wu-monkey)

Lark: “Unhand me! You’re gross!”

Wu-monkey: “Here you are, Wicked Bitch. Please shut her up!”

Bitch: “Ha ha! So we meet again, little girl!”

Lark: “I’m *not* a little girl! Stop calling me that!”

Bitch: “Enough small talk. Give me the shoes!”

Lark: “Over my dead body!”

Bitch: *thinks* “That can be arranged….”

Lark: *gulp* “Um…..wait a minute.”

Bitch: “Are you going to take off the shoes or not?”

Lark: “No! I won’t! I won’t let anyone evil like you ever take power! I’ll fight to the end! That’s the Final Fantasy way!” *pause* “I have *got* to stop playing so much….”

Bitch: “Fine! I’ll kill you for them then! How’s that?”

(roto is dragged into the room)

Roto: “Please don’t put me with her.”

Bitch: *turns hourglass over* “This is how long you have to live, little girl! Enjoy it with your….your…” *glances at roto*

Roto: *sighs* “Whatever….”

Bitch: “Whatever.” *gives it a disgusted look* “Bye bye! Mwha haa haa!” *leaves the room and locks the door*

Lark: *starts crying* “Oh no! Now I’ll never get back home to the ramble room! And I’ll never see Irvine or Rufus or Zell or Reno or Seifer, or Squall or Reeve or Vincent or Rude or Tseng or Heero or Duo or Trowa or Quatre or Zechs again!” *pause* “Or my Sephiroth either!” *cries into the wall*

Roto: *sighs* “Always with the hysterics….”

(meanwhile….the 3 amigos are tip toeing through the castle….)

Tin Man: “Maybe we should knock on every door and ask if she’s in there.”

Scarecrow: “You’re an idiot.”

Tin Man: “Hey! Why am I an idiot?”

Scarecrow: “Never mind.” *sighs* “If you were a Bitch, where would you put a girl?”

Tin Man: “I don’t know!”

Lion: *looks around nervously* “I’m scared….” *listens for a minute* “Wait….I hear crying.”

Tin Man: “There he goes hearing things again….”

Scarecrow: *listens* “Wait…I hear it too.”

All three: “Lark!”

(they run over to the door the crying is coming from behind)

Tin Man: “Lark? Is that you?”

Lark: “Tin Man? Yes! Yes it’s me! Please get me out of here! She’s going to kill me!”

Scarecrow: “Don’t worry! We’re working on it! Step away from the door!”

(she does as she’s told)

Tin Man: “Let me shoot it open!”

Lion: “Everyone will hear that!”

Scarecrow: “This is why you’re supposed to have an axe.”

Tin Man: “Shut up.” *shoots the lock on the door*

Scarecrow: *tries to open it* “No good. It’s still stuck.”

Lion: “Let me do it.” *he backs up and rams into the door and it flies open*

Lark: “Lion! Scarecrow! Tin Man! You saved me!”

Roto: *rolls eyes* “Hooray.”

Scarecrow: “Of course we did!”

Tin Man: “You helped us! We had to repay you!”

Lion: “Besides! We like you!” *pause, shyly* “Kind of…”

Lark: *hugs each one of them* “I can’t thank you enough! Now come on! Let’s blow this popsicle stand!”

(they run out the door, but it’s too late. the wicked bitch and her three winkys…in their underwear…*shudders*…are waiting for them!)

Bitch: “Going so soon? I wouldn’t think of it.”

Lark: “Oh sh*t.”

Lion: “I’m scared….” *hides behind lark*

Tin Man: *picks up his gun* “Let us go!”

Bitch: “I think not!” *snaps fingers and the winkys advance on the tin man*

Lark: “No! Leave him alone! It’s me you want! Not him!”

Tin Man: “No, Lark!”

Bitch: “Give me the shoes!”

Lark: *hesitates* “………………..”

Bitch: “Perhaps this will persuade you! Mwha haa haa!” *creates a ball of fire with her hand and throws it at the scarecrow*

Scarecrow: “AHHHH!” *runs around in circle* “It burns, it burns, it burns, it burns, it burns!”

Lark: “No!” *grabs a bucket of water off the floor and throws it at the scarecrow, but some splashes on the bitch*

Bitch: *covers her face* “No! My make-up! You took off my make-up! I’m melting….melting! Oh what a world! You stupid little bitch! You killed me!” *she melts*

Lark: *jaw drops* “Who would have known?”

Nid-winky: “You killed her!”

Ho-winky: “How can we thank you?”

Lark: *shields her eyes* “You can get the hell out of here! I don’t want to see you guys in your underwear!”

Scarecrow: “Wait! We’d like her mirror, please.”

Hei-winky: *gets the mirror off what’s left of the witch* “Gya haa here!”

Lion: “Now we can go back to the Emerald City and see the Wizard! I can get my courage!”

Tin Man: “I can get my heart!” *smiles*

Scarecrow: “I can get my brain!”

Lark: *dreamy smile* “And I can see Treize….”

Roto: *cough*

Lark: *snaps out of it* “Oh, and go home! Come on! Let’s go!”


(and they return to the wizard’s chamber, where treize is again reading)

Lark: “Hi, Treize! We’re back!”

Scarecrow: “And we’ve got the mirror!”

Treize: “Splendid! Let me see it!”

(the scarecrow gives the mirror to treize)

Lark: “Well? Does it have the special powers you were hoping for?”

Treize: *inspects it* “Actually….no…it’s just a normal mirror.” *smiles at his reflection* “But I do look very nice today.”

Lark: “You look nice every–” *she stops abruptly* “Wait a minute….are you saying we went all that way and I almost died for nothing!?”

Treize: “You almost died!” *puts a hand on her shoulder* “I’m sorry, Lark. I was misled. There’s nothing this mirror can do for anyone except show them their reflection.”

Lark: “Isn’t there anything you can do?”

Scarecrow: “What about my brain?”

Tin Man: “What about my heart?”

Lion: “What about my courage?”

Treize: “A brain? Why, Scarecrow! You’ve been using your head all along! There’s nothing more I, nor anyone else can give you.”

Scarecrow: “You’re saying that I don’t need a brain after all?”

Treize: “No.”

Scarecrow: *smiles* “All right!”

Tin Man: “What about me?”

Treize: “Same goes for you, my tin friend. You’ve always had a heart inside you. It was a little rusty for awhile, but I think it’s warmed up.”

Tin Man: “Yeah….maybe you’re right.”

Lion: “What about my courage? I’m still a coward!”

Treize: “You know, Lion, sometimes even the bravest soldiers doubt themselves. Even Zechs had moments where he was unsure of himself and felt like a coward. But you must remember that sometimes the bravest soldier shows caution.”

Lion: “Wow! I feel much better.”

Scarecrow: “What about Lark?”

Tin Man: “Yeah, what about Lark?”

Lark: *sighs* “I don’t think you have any confusing advice for me, Treize.”

Treize: “No…I don’t.” *pause* “But I think something else can help.” *picks up the mirror* “Take a look.”

Lark: “Huh? What are you talking about? As usual, I don’t understand you.”

Treize: “Just look. Tell me what you see.”

Lark: *looks in the mirror* “I see a girl with dried tears on her face and really messy hair.”

Treize: “Look harder….”

Lark: *looks harder* “I’m looking, Treize! But I don’t see anything–wait.” *brushes an eyelash off under her eye* “Thanks.”

Treize: “That’s not what I meant. The power to go home is right inside you, Lark.”

Lark: “Huh? Speak English, babe.”

Treize: “Did you learn anything, Lark?”

Lark: “Does every movie have to have a lesson?”

Treize: “Did you?”

Lark: *thinks* “Um….I learned that Scarlet really was a bitch like I thought!”

Treize: *gives her a look* “Come on.”

Lark: *sighs in annoyence* “I learned I really missed my Final Fantasy guys. And my Gundam Wing guys. And that no matter how much I complain, there’s no place like home.”

Roto: “I think I’ve heard enough regurgitated crap to last me a lifetime.”

Treize: “That’s it. You can go home now.”

Lark: “How?”

Treize: “You’ve seen the movie. Tap your heels together three times.”

Lark: *makes a face* “Do I have to take Roto with me?”

Roto: “I’m not going anyway.”

Trieze: “No.”

Lark: *turns to the guys* “Well…this is it.”

Scarecrow: *sadly* “Yeah….”

Lark: “I’m going to miss you, Scarecrow.”

Scarecrow: “Thanks for getting me off that pole.”

Lark: *hugs him* “Promise you won’t kill the Tin Man.”

Scarecrow: *hugs her* “I’ll try.”

Tin Man: *tears* “I don’t like good byes.”

Lark: “Aw! Don’t rust!” *hugs him*

Tin Man: “I can’t make any promises* *hugs her*

Lark: “Here’s your oil can.” *sad smile*

Lion: *hugs lark* “You can’t leave me!”

Lark: “Aw! Lion!”

Lion: “Who’s going to scratch me behind the ears?”

Lark: “Aw!!” *scratches him behind the ears and whispers* “I’ll miss you most of all.”

Lion: *softly* “Lark….I….I…..love you.”

Lark: *pets him* “I love you too, Lion. I love you all. But I really have to go.” *glances at roto* “See ya.”

Roto: “Good ridence.”

Lark: “Why are you so mean?”

Roto: “Someone had to lighten up the sappy crap.”

Lark: *shrugs* “Makes sense.” *looks at treize* “You coming?”

Treize: “Nah, I’m dead. Besides, I’m happy here with my Anne Rice novels and my Zechs look a like guard.” *winks* “Don’t get in too much trouble, sweetie.”

Lark: “I’ll try not to.” *waves once more to her friends, then closes her eyes and whispers* “There’s no place like home…there’s no place like home….”

(back in the “real” world….lark is laying her bed, while sephiroth sits are her side, sobbing.)

Sephiroth: *cries* “I can’t believe I did this! I hurt the only person I ever lov—“

Lark: *stirs* “Sephy?”

Sephiroth: *looks over excitedly* “Lark? Is that you?! Are you okay?”

Lark: “Yeah….I’m fine…I had a strange dream….you were in it.”

Sephiroth: *intrigued* “What were we doing?”

Lark: “No, it was like the Wizard of Oz…and you, Rufus, Zell, Ashley, Tseng, Elena, Rude, Reno, Shell, Irvine, Squall, Rinoa, Selphie, Zechs, Treize, Wufei, Twilight, Quatre, Trowa, Duo, Scarlet, Hojo, Red, Nida and Heidegger were all there.” *pauses* “You were the Cowardly Lion!”

Sephiroth: *frowns* “I was?”

Lark: “You were so cute!”

Sephiroth: *perks up* “I was?”

Lark: “Yeah….” *giggles* “I kept scratching you behind the ears.”

Sephiroth: “Oh really?”

Lark: “Yeah….” *pause* “So what happened anyway?”

Sephiroth: *kneels behind her* “I tried to get back at you for what you did to the rental tape. Twilight and Wufei made me. I scared you and you fell down the stairs and you hit your head and passed out…”

Lark: *looks at him in surprise* “Sephy, are those tears in your eyes?”

Sephiroth: “Uh…I was…cutting onions.”

Lark: “Oh?”

Sephiroth: “I’m…..really……….sorry…..I….um…did that. Really.”

Lark: *smiles and strokes his hair* “It’s all right, Sephy.”

Sephiroth: “It is?”

Lark: “Yeah….” *smiles* “Sephy….come here.”

(he leans down, and she’s about to kiss him when the door flies open)

Zell: “Hey! I–whoa!” *turns around* “I am interrupting something?”

Sephiroth: *growls* “Yes…”

Lark: *sits up* “Um…no. Why?”

Zell: “Shell rented the Wizard of Oz! Everyone’s gathering to watch it in the TV room! Coming?”

Lark: “Sure! Be there in a few!”

(zell leaves)

Lark: “Coming, Cowardly Lion?”

Sephiroth: “Why not?”

Lark: *sighs* “You know, Sephy, this might be the fall talking, but I’d really miss you if you were gone.”

Sephiroth: “Yeah….I’d miss you too.”

THE END

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