#26 – That’s What Friends Are For

Twilight: “Ack! No more hugs!”

Originally Published: 8/9/00 . 13 pages

Sephiroth, Twilight and Wufei try to be friends while Lark and Shell try to interfere!

Ramble Milestones
-First appearance of the TV room.
-There’s apparently an intercom that’s never used again.

Boy, this ramble is so old the TV room had a N64, a Playstation, and golly gee – a brand spankin’ new VCR! Invite the neighbors over! Heh, anyway, I thought Sephiroth, Twilight and Wufei would make an interesting group of friends, so this ramble was born. Sephiroth and Twilight’s friendship lasted, but the whole thing with Wufei never really did pan out. In case it isn’t completely obvious, I don’t like Wufei. At all. Anyway, yes, as a child I did frequently watch my Hugabunch video, and I can still sing the song. The idea of those three getting traumatized by the Hugabunch video is still a classic ramble moment in my book.

(sephiroth is sitting by himself in the brand new tv room which is basically a couch, a tv and vcr, a n64 and playstation, a bar off to the right, and a phone on the wall. he’s watching some weird tv show.)

Lark: *comes in* “Hey, sweetheart! There you are! Watcha watchin’?”

Sephiroth: “Don’t call me sweetheart.”

Lark: *frowns* “Why so grumpy?” *comes up behind him*

Sephiroth: “I’m always grumpy. Shouldn’t you know that by now, woman?”

Lark: “I think you’re lonely. Why don’t you invite Twilight over? You guys are pretty good friends.”

Sephiroth: *turns around* “….friend?”

Lark: *laughs* “Yeah! You know! As in someone who you hang out with.”

Sephiroth: *pouts* “What am I, ten? I don’t need any friends!”

Lark: *goes for the door* “I’ll have Shell call Twilight for you.”

(later…..lark and shell are in the ramble room, just talking)

Lark: “You know, it’s really scary how well Sephiroth and Twilight get along.”

Shell: “Yeah, well, no one else likes them except us, so I guess that connects them.”

Lark: *laughs* “I guess.”

(meanwhile sephiroth and twilight are in the tv room)

Twilight: “Where are all those other morons?”

Sephiroth: “Hopefully dead somewhere.”

Twilight: *laughs* “Just what I thought.”

Sephiroth: “So……you have a lot of friends, Twilight?”

Twilight: “Sure! I have a ton! I have an harem that follows me everywhere!”

Sephiroth: “Really?”

Twilight: *frowns* “No. I couldn’t pay people to be my friend. They’re all losers.”

Sephiroth: “Yeah. Same with me. People suck.”

Twilight: “Yeah. They think they’re so cool.”

(back to lark and shell in the ramble room…)

Shell: “I wonder what they’re talking about.”

Lark: “I don’t wanna know.”

(the phone rings)

Lark: *answers* “Hello?”

????: “Hello? That you, whore?”

Lark: “Wufei?! Why are you calling!?”

Wufei: “Not to talk to you, whore! I want to talk to Sephiroth! Put him on!”

Lark: “Why do you want to talk to Sephiroth?”

Wufei: “Wufei doesn’t have to answer your questions, woman! Put him on!”

Lark: *sighs in annoyence* “Fine. Hold on.” *puts the phone down and goes over to the intercom that connects the tv room and the ramble room*

Shell: “Who is it?”

Lark: “Wufei.”

Shell: “Does he want to talk to me?”

Lark: “No. Believe it or not he wants to talk to Sephiroth.”

Shell: “What? Sephiroth? Why?”

Lark: “I don’t know.” *presses down the button and talks into the intercom* “Sephy-sama?”

Sephiroth’s voice: “What is it?”

Lark: “Pick up the phone. You have a call.”

Sephiroth’s voice: “Is it Hojo?”

Lark: “No!”

Sephiroth’s voice: “Are you sure?”

Lark: “Yes! It’s Wufei! Pick up!”

Sephiroth’s voice: “Wufei? That reject among the Gundam Wing guys?”

Shell: “He is not!”

Lark: “That’s the one. Hey, why don’t you invite him over too?”

Shell: “Lark, are you nuts? You *hate* Wufei!”

Lark: “I know that, Shell, but I figured they could keep each other occupied with their complaining.”

Sephiroth’s voice: “I can hear you!”

Twilight’s voice: “Me too!”

Lark: “So, what do you say?”

Sephiroth’s voice: “I don’t know…Twilight and I don’t really like him.”

Twilight’s voice: “He’s a loser!”

Shell: “Hey! Look who’s talking!”

Lark: “I don’t blame you, but I’m sure you guys have more in common than you think.”

Sephiroth’s voice: “Hey! What’s *that* supposed to mean?”

Lark: “Just pick up!” *releases the button and picks up the phone* “Wufei?”

Wufei: “Come on, woman! What’s taking so long?”

Sephiroth’s voice: “Sephiroth here.”

Lark: “Stop complaining.” *hangs up*

(back in the tv room….)

Wufei: “Sephiroth, it’s Wufei. You know, the best of the Gundam Wing jerks.”

Sephiroth: “Yeah, I know who you are. Why are you calling me?”

Wufei: “Um…..you don’t have many friends, do you?”

Sephiroth: “Hey!” *pause* “No…”

Wufei: “Well me neither. The other guys are jerks.”

Sephiroth: “Tell me something I *don’t* know.”

Wufei: “So….um…you want to…you know, hang out?”

Sephiroth: *thinks* “Let me check.” *covers mouthpiece and turns to twilight* “Want to hang out with Wufei?”

Twilight: *thinks* “Umm…..I don’t really like him, but sure! Why not? It will make us look more popular.”

Sephiroth: *back to the phone* “All right. You can come over in a few hours. We’ll…uh…watch a movie or something. We have a new TV and VCR over here. And make sure none of those other morons tag along. Especially that Heero jerk.”

Wufei: “You don’t have to worry about that. They don’t want to be around me any more than I want to be around them. See you soon.”

(everyone hangs up)

Sephiroth: “So….you want to go out and get a movie?”

Twilight: “Sure.”

Sephiroth: *presses the button on the intercom* “Hey, woman!”

Lark’s voice: “Geez! When I said you can hang out with him it didn’t mean you could start acting like him! What is it?”

Sephiroth: “Twilight and I are going out to get a movie to watch when Wufei comes over.”

Lark’s voice: “Okay, what do you want? My permission?”

Sephiroth: “Better make some popcorn or something.”

Lark’s voice: *giggles* “Aw! How cute! Sephy, Twily and Woofy are going to watch a movie!”

Sephiroth: *growls* “It’s not funny, woman!”

Lark’s voice: *still laughing* “Okay, okay. Sorry. Have fun. I’ll be nice for once and make some popcorn.”

Sephiroth: “Thanks….woman.” *hangs up*

Twilight: *gives him a look* “You like her, don’t you?”

Sephiroth: “No! Why does everyone keep saying that?”

Twilight: “You’re a liar.”

Sephiroth: “Let’s just get the damn movie!” *marches out*

Twilight: “Liar, liar, liar!”

(meanwhile, back to lark and shell…)

Lark: “Do we have any popcorn?” *looks through the cabinets*

Shell: “So Wufei’s coming over…”

Lark: *takes out popcorn* “Yup.”

Shell: “And they’re renting a movie, huh?”

Lark: “Yup.” *pause* “Why?”

Shell: “Well, I bet they’ll get something really gross and bloody…”

Lark: *laughs* “Of course! What do you think they’re going to get? The Hugabunch?”

Shell: *raises eyebrows* “I still have the old tape.”

Lark: “You’re suggesting we replace their movie with the Hugabunch?”

Shell: “Thank you, Sherlock.”

Lark: “I was just making sure! You don’t have to get all sarcastic on me!”

Shell: “So what do you think?”

Lark: “I think it will be hysterical!”

(meanwhile at the video store….)

Sephiroth: “We have to find something really bloody with lots of explosions.”

Twilight: “Of course! What did you think I wanted to watch? Some romantic crap? I have to suffer through enough of that with Opal.”

(they start looking around)

Twilight: “Hey, look, Sephiroth! It’s your story!” *points to liar, liar.*

Sephiroth: *dryly* “Hysterical.”

Twilight: Hey look! Star Wars! I hate this movie. I don’t think Vader was really that nice at the end- they made that up. And they cut out my parts! And why? So they had more time for Ewok footage!”

Sephiroth: “You were in that movie?”

Twilight: “Sure I was!”

Sephiroth: “Right.”

Twilight: “I was!”

Sephiroth: “Hey, how about this?” *picks up the movie soldier* “I was in SOLDIER.”

Twilight: “Sure you were.”

Sephiroth: “I was!”

Twilight: “Liar, liar!”

Sephiroth: “Oh yeah, this is you!” *points to the movie the jerk*

Twilight: “Hey! Oh yeah, well this is you!” *points to dumb and dumber*

Sephiroth: “Oh yeah, well this is you!” *points to the stupids*

Twilight: “No! This is me!” *picks up braveheart*

(they glare at each other, then they stop and just start laughing)

Sephiroth: “We have a sick sense of humor.”

Twilight: “That’s what makes us unique.”

Sephiroth: “Let’s just pay for this and go home.” *heads for the counter*

Twilight: “Okay.” *follows him and mutters* “But you’re still a liar.”

(later….twilight and sephiroth are sitting around, waiting for Wufei to arrive. then there’s a knock at the door)

Twilight: “That must be that Wufei loser.”

(neither of them move)

Sephiroth: “So get the door.”

Twilight: “You get it!”

Opal’s voice: “Twilight?”

Twilight: “Oh crap!” *jumps to his feet and gets the door while sephiroth laughs* “Hi, honey!”

(opal enters with Wufei)

Opal: “Your friend is here, Twilight!”

Wufei: “Hello.”

Twilight: “Sephiroth, your date’s here!”

Sephiroth: *pales* “That’s not funny!”

Opal: “What movie are you going to watch?”

Twilight: “Soldier.”

Opal: *scrunches up her nose* “That sounds bloody.”

Sephiroth: “It is!”

Opal: “I think I’ll pass. See you boys later.” *she leaves*

(the guys all stare at each other for a moment)

Wufei: “So what’s up, Twily? ‘Roth?”

Twilight and Sephiroth: “Grrrrr…..”

Wufei: *pales* “What? The guys outside said you liked those names!” *pause* “Guess I shouldn’t have listened to them.”

Twilight: “No.”

Sephiroth: “Sit down. I’ll get the popcorn.” *pushes the intercom button* “Get in here with our popcorn, woman!”

Lark’s voice: “I’m coming!”

(meanwhile in the ramble room)

Lark: “I’m bringing the guys their popcorn.”

Shell: “I’ve got the tape!”

Lark: “I don’t know….I think that’s really mean, Shell. Maybe we shouldn’t screw with the violent ones.”

Shell: *sighs* “Fine…but I’ll bring it just in case…”

Lark: *confused* “Okay….”

(they walk into the tv room)

Shell: “Hi, Wufei!”

Wufei: “Hi woman. Whore.”

Lark: “Go to hell, Woof woof.” *hands sephiroth the popcorn* “Happy now?”

Sephiroth: “Perhaps.” *grabs it*

Lark: “Aren’t you going to say thank you?”

Sephiroth: “Th–“

Wufei: “You don’t have to thank her! She’s a woman! She was born to serve us!”

Sephiroth: “Yeah! Right!”

Lark: *frowns* “Is that so?” *evil smile* “What movie are you watching?”

Twilight: “Soldier. How about putting it in while you’re standing up?”

Shell: “Sure….”

(she and lark go up to the tv, and sneak the hugabunch tape in the vcr instead)

Shell: “Have fun!” *restrains laughter as she leaves*

Lark: “Enjoy the movie!” *leaves, trying not to laugh*

Twilight: “This is going to be so bloody.”

Sephiroth: “I like anything with the word soldier in the title.”

(the boys watch in horror as a cute, cuddly cartoony people come on screen, hugging and giggling)

Twilight: “What the hell?!”

Hugabunch: *sings* “Come meet the Hugabunch! They live in a magical land–Hugaland! Where pillow puff miles, of hugs and big smiles, let’s hear it for hugs cause they’re grand! Hurray for hugs! Hurray for hugs! Put your arms around someone! Hurray for hugs! Hurray!”

(the boys are plastered back against the couch, eyes wide, jaws dropped in complete and total horror. they’re not even breathing they’re so terrified.)

Wufei: *whimpers* “Nataku….” *passes out*

(the girls reenter)

Opal: “Oh! I thought you were watching a bloody movie! This looks cute!” *sees twilight* “Twily? Are you okay?”

Lark: “Oh that was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life!”

Shell: “I’m glad I thought of it!”

Lark: “I wonder why they haven’t shut it off.” *she and shell look at the guys* “Uh….guys?”

Opal: “Twilight?! Are you breathing?!”

Shell: “Wufei?” *shakes him* “He passed out!”

Lark: “Oh my god! I thought they would start screaming and shut it off! Not go into comas!”

Shell: *shuts it off* “Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea!”

Opal: *shakes him* “Twilight! It’s okay now!”

Shell: “Wufei! You can wake up now! No more Hugabunch!”

Lark: *waves a hand in front of sephy’s eyes* “Sephy? You alive? Sephiroth?” *shakes him* “Come on! This isn’t funny!”

Opal: “It’s not working! They’re frozen stiff!”

Shell: “Hurry! Turn on something bloody!”

(lark runs over, shoves soldier in the vcr and fast forwards until a really bloody part comes on she turns the volume way up)

Twilight: *blinks, shakes his head* “I had this horrible dream…there were cute, cuddly little people! And they were singing about hugs!”

Opal: “I’m so glad you’re okay, Twilight!” *goes to hug him*

Twilight: *jumps up* “Ack! No more hugs!”

Wufei: *wakes up* “I hear people dying! Where’s Nataku?!”

Shell: “No, Wufei! It’s all right! It’s just the movie!” *points to the screen*

Wufei: “But…I thought….there were….” *sigh of relief* “Never mind.”

(sephiroth blinks)

Lark: *kneels in front of him* “Sephy-sama? You okay?”

Sephiroth: “Uh……………….”

Lark: “Come on! Don’t start acting like Cloud after he ended up in Mideel!”

Sephiroth: *blinks, shakes his head* “Cloud? I *hate* Cloud!”

Lark: “Yeah!” *hugs sephy*

Sephiroth: “Don’t hug me, woman!”

Opal: “You guys gave us quite a scare!”

Shell: “We’ll leave you alone now.”

Lark: “Sorry!”

(the girls all leave)

Shell: “That was disturbing…”

Lark: “Well at least we know that if they ever bother us…all we have to do is sing the Hugabunch theme song.” *evil smile*

(meanwhile in the tv room…)

Twilight: “You know….I’m beginning to think that wasn’t a dream after all.”

Sephiroth: “You don’t think Lark and Shell….”

Wufei: “That whore!”

Twilight: “We have to get revenge!”

Wufei: “Yeah!”

Sephiroth: “Um…..usually I’m all for revenge, but…um…it wasn’t that bad…”

Twilight: “You just don’t want to get revenge on Lark cause you like her!”

Sephiroth: “Do not!”

Twilight: “Then you’ll help us!”

Sephiroth: *gulp* “Fine!”

Wufei: “This is going to be good….”

to be continued in a future ramble

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