#23 – There are no Gundams in Baseball!

Twilight: “I have got kick ass aim!”
Originally Published: 8/6/00 . 37 pages
Now it’s Final Fantasy versus Gundam Wing playing America’s favorite pastime.

Ramble Milestones
-Other characters from Gundam Wing, including Noin, Sally Po and Lady Une make appearances. They are never seen again after this ramble.

I like this baseball one a little better than the previous installment, even though there were several jokes reused from the previous ramble. There are a few little moments in this ramble I really like: Twilight’s kick ass aim, and when he shoves Wufei aside, Rufus trying to get Elena back by pointing out that Tseng’s gay, and Quatre’s triumphant homerun – with Noelle spouting all the ‘beautifuls’ for a change. The original beginning notes on this ramble stated: This is *really* long again! Sorry for the length, and I’m also sorry for so many crossover and Twilight rambles in a row! The next one won’t have any non FF people in them! Promise! The ending of the ramble also is strange, alluding to the length of it AND how long it took to write. Considering this ramble was only 37 pages…looking back it seems really silly to complain, considering some later rambles were 90, or even over 100 pages!

(Lark is asleep at the table in the ramble room when shell comes in)

Lark: *mumbles in her sleep* “Shut up, Wufei. *You* suck….”

Shell: *looks around, confused* “Huh? Lark, wake up!” *shakes her*

Lark: *sits up* “Huh, what? Who’s attacking?”

Shell: “No one! What are you doing here at 2 A.M?”

Lark: “What you *doing* here?”

Shell: “Uh….anyway, I have news for ya.”

Lark: “What? And don’t tell me you want to play baseball against us again. I swear that’s *so* over.”

Shell: “No! Actually, Ashley was talking to Duo and she mentioned the game……and now they want to play us.”

Lark: “The Gundam Wing boys want to play us?”

Shell: *nods* “Yup.”

Lark: “Hmmmm….that sounds interesting….we could put together some sort of all star team. When do they want to play us?”

Shell: “Two days from now.”

Lark: “Two days from now?!” *sighs* “Fine. We have to make up the all star team right now then.”

Shell: *sighs in annoyance* “Now!? At 2 A.M?”

Lark: “Yes.” *takes out some paper* “I’ll also have to rewrite the rules…”

(the next morning….all the FF characters have gathered in the ramble room)

Reno: “Does anyone know why we’re here?”

Irvine: “Not a clue.”

(lark and shell drag themselves in. they look really tired.)

Lark: “Hey, everybody. I’ve got news for you.”

Zell: “Are you finally kicking Sephiroth out?”

Sephiroth: “Hey! She would never do that! ….Right?”

Lark: “No! ….Probably not….anyway, we’re here ’cause the Gundam Wing guys have challenged us to a game of baseball.”

Rufus: “Oh yeah?! We’ll kick their ass!”

Lark: “Uh….you won’t be playing.”

Rufus: “What?”

Shell: “We made an all star team: The Knights of the Masamune!”

Sephiroth: “I like it!”

Lark: “Now, we could only have 13 of you on the team, so we had to cut out those of you who suck.”

Reno: “Sorry, Reeve.” *laughs*

Reeve: “Hey!”

Shell: “You’re not on it either, Reno.”

Reno: “Wha?!”

Lark: “Here’s who’s on the team: me, Shell, Squall, Vincent, Zell, Seifer, Rude, Sephiroth, Twilight, Tseng, Irvine, Tifa and Cloud.”

Reno: “Hey! Rude’s on it and I’m not!?”

Noelle: “Hey….you put all the cheaters on the team!”

Lark: “Yeah, well, do you want to win or not? Noelle, you, Ashley, Rinoa, Quistis, Selphie and Yuffie are our cheerleaders.”

Ashley: “Hey! Maybe I want to root for Duo!”

Shell: “No! They have to provide their *own* cheerleaders.”

Lark: “The rest of you have to come watch. Whoever doesn’t come has to hang out with Scarlet, Nida, Hojo and Heidegger for the rest of the week.”

Everyone: *shudders*

Lark: “This is going to be a big event. Not like last time. So there’s no losing!”

Sephiroth: “You’re more competitive than I am!”

Shell: “Hey, you know you two, I was doing one of those stupid little games to see if you two were comparable, and you’re a perfect match!”

Lark: *blinks* “What?”

Sephiroth: “Really?!” *clears throat* “Ugh….that…sucks…”

Shell: *grins* “Just thought you’d like to know.”

Lark: *sighs* “Okay, I really care. Now everybody gear up and practice for the big game!”

Kiros: “Ward says you’re gonna lose!”

Laguna: “But…the game didn’t even start yet.”

(ward grabs kiros by the collar and holds him up, glaring at him)

Kiros: *innocent smile* “Heh heh….just kidding!”

(the day of the game has arrived!! whoo hoo! the gundam wing supporters: the treize faction, the doctors, and quatre’s fighting guys’ whose name starts with an M and I can’t remember….so I’ll call them Quatre’s guys for lack of a better description, are sitting in the stands on the left side, and they’re all cheering already. on the FF side are all the people not playing. reno, reeve and rufus are sitting together towards the front. heidegger is selling peanuts and laughing annoyingly. nida, hojo, ward and scarlet are back as the umpires. since this is a big game, ads have been placed around the field…)

Elena: “Hey, check out all those ads….”

Bria: “You’d think it was being broadcast on tv!”

Elena: “Look at these….vote for Treize…vote for Laguna…vote for…Rufus?!”

Bria: *laughs* “Look at that one!” *points to a sign that says: For a good time call 555-4978* “Isn’t that Shell’s cell phone number?”

Elena: “….For some reason I don’t think she put that one up….”

(lark and shell go over to the gw side of the field)

Lark: “Why hello there everyone.”

Quatre: “Hi, Lark! It’s such a beautiful day for baseball! The sky’s so beautiful, the grass is so beau–“

Shell: “Quatre!”

Quatre: “Sorry.”

Heero: “Hi, Lark. Prepare to lose to The Zero System.”

Shell: “You named your team The Zero System?”

Lark: “You guys name everything The Zero System!”

Wufei: “Heero picked the name. He sucks.”

Duo: “Hey, man! He’s the captain! Stop dissin’ him!”

Wufei: “No! Shut up, weakling!”

Trowa: “….Does someone want to hit me with a bat till I pass out?”

Lark: “All right, Heero, since you’re the captain of your team…who’s on it, and what positions are they playing?”

Heero: “Well, there’s me. I’m playing first base. Wufei’s catching, Duo’s pitching, Quatre’s got third base, Trowa’s playing right field, Sally Po’s got 2nd base, Zechs is our center fielder, Noin is left field and Treize is short stop.”

Treize: “Hey, sweetie!” *looks her up and down* “Cute uniforms.”

Lark: “Thanks…but I really hate pink.”

Zechs: *looks from shell to lark* “Why is your sister wearing a skirt and you’re not?”

Lark: “Cause she’s an idiot.”

Shell: “Hey!” *pause* “Hey, why are you guys wearing black uniforms?”

Heero: “We like black. Black is…..nice.”

Lark: “Yeah, I like black too, but do you realize it’s going to get really hot out?”

Heero: “Uh……………….”

Shell: “Oh well! Too late now!”

Lark: “Talk to you guys later…..” *winks* “May the better team win.”

(they go back to their dugout)

Lark: “Okay, Knights of the Masamune! Are we ready to win?!” *cough* “And cheat?”

Twilight: “You bet! Cheating’s what I do best! Besides fighting.”

Zell: “Right…..”

Twilight: *grabs his lightsaber* “Wanna try me?”

Shell: “No, Twily! Remember what Opal said!”

Twilight: *sighs and recites* “No fighting with my own team members.”

Shell: *smiles* “Right.”

Lark: “Okay, Reno’s gonna sing the Shinra national anthem–“

Everyone else: “WHAT?!”

Lark: *blinks* “What? He volunteered.”

Irvine: “First of all, he sucks–“

Tseng: “Second of all, he’s probably already drunk–“

Sephiroth: “And finally, most of the people here aren’t *in* Shinra or even know what the *hell* it is!”

Lark: *blinks* “….true. But it’s too late now.” *everyone else sighs* “Anyway, then Laguna will throw out the first pitch, and then I’ll read the new rules. Then we play.”

Seifer: “Hey! What’s our lineup? And who’s pitching first, me or loser here?” *points at rude*

Shell: “Don’t call Rude a loser!”

Lark: “The starting line up is me, Shell, Squall, Zell, Rude, Sephiroth, Twilight, Tseng, Irvine and Tifa. Seifer, you, Vincent and Cloud will play later.”

Seifer: *pouts* “That sucks.”

Reno: *stumbling into the dugout* “Hey, everyone! Ready to win? I know I’m ready to sing!”

Tseng: “He’s drunk. Told you.”

Lark: *frowns* “Reno! We’ve been here half an hour! How many beers have you had?”

Reno: “Uh………..5?” *holds up 2 fingers*

Lark: *head in her hands* “Oh, crap.”

Irvine: “Let me sing the Garden school song instead!” *clears his throat and sings* “At our Garden–“

Zell, Squall and Irvine: *sing* “–we learn to defend the world and–“

Nida: *running in* “Did I hear someone singing the Garden school song!? I love Garden! I drove it, you know!” *everyone glares at him and he frowns, slinking back* “Uh….never mind.” *leaves*

Lark: “No! That song sucks, and besides, look what kind of losers it attracts!”

Reno: “Don’t worry, Lark! I can do anything drunk, right, Tseng?” *puts an arm around his boss*

Tseng: *makes a face* “Um….sometimes.”

Lark: “We don’t have a choice. Reno….go…..sing.”

Reno: “Yee haw!” *grabs the mic and runs up to the mound*

Sephiroth: “Can I laugh when this sounds like total crap?”

Lark: “No!”

Reno: “Okay, everybody! I’m gonna sing the Shinra national anthem, so get up!”

Rufus: “All right! The best song ever!” *jumps to his feet*

Reeve: *dragging himself up* “Whatever…”

Rufus: “Come on, Bria. Stand up.”

Elena: “Yeah, Bria. This is Shinra here.”

Bria: “Exactly why I’m not moving.”

Rufus, Reeve and Elena: “Hey!”

Bria: “Sorry!”

Reno: *clears his throat and starts to sing* “Oh say can you……uh…..by the mako….um….”

Rufus: “What?! He doesn’t know the words!!!”

Reeve: “I don’t know them either.”

Elena: “But you’re not trying to sing it!”

Tseng: “….this is a disgrace.”

Lark: “Oh, man! He doesn’t even know the words!”

Sephiroth: *laughs quietly to himself* “Hehe….”

Reno: *sings* “Um….Midgar…uh…something else….”

Wufei: “You suck!”

Quatre: “Wufei, that’s not a nice thing to do!”

Heero: “Well he does.”

Quatre: “Heero!”

Trowa: “…He does blow, doesn’t he?”

Quatre: “Trowa!”

Duo: “Just admit it, Quatre. He sucks.”

Quatre: “No! I won’t!” *quietly* “Even if I think so.”

Treize: “….hmmm…we should have played the OZ anthem….”

Lady Une: *popping out from the dugout in a cheerleading uniform* “I’ll get the tape, sir, if you want!”

Treize: “No, that’s all right, Lady Une.”

Lady Une: “All right, but if you change your mind, let me know!”

Reno: *sings* “Uh…oh say does the mako reactor shine brightly, or something like that…for the land of mako and the empire of Shinra!”

Rufus: *sobs* “He messed up my song!”

Reeve: “It’s a badly written song anyway.”

Reno: “Thank you! Thank you!” *bows, no one claps*

Irvine: “Better stop him now Lark, or he’ll start taking requests.”

Lark: “Point taken.” *she runs out onto the mound* “Uh, great job, Reno. Why don’t you go sit down and have another beer?”

Reno: “Great idea! Wonder why I didn’t think of it!” *he stumbles back into his seat*

Rufus: “You sucked! You ruined our song and disgraced Shinra!”

Bria: “Rufus, dear, I think most of the people here already hate Shinra or don’t know anything about it.”

Rufus: “Exactly! He’s making us look worse!”

Lark: “Okay, everyone! Before we throw out the first pitch, there are some rules we have to go over, so listen up! Rule number one: No summons or GF’s.”

Squall: “Still?” *sighs* “Fine. But remember, I have no control over Odin.”

Lark: “Number two: No Gundams or mobile suits or mobile dolls of any kind are permitted.”

Wufei: “That’s ’cause otherwise Nataku would kick everyone’s ass!”

Treize: “Baseball played with mobile dolls would not be real baseball. In order for a true game of baseball to be played efficiently it must be done with real people, like war. War is not true war unless it is fought with people. Baseball and war are similar in that aspect. They are also similar because they are both acted out on a field, although war is fought and baseball is played.”

Heero: “That’s enough, Treize. No one understands what the hell you’re talking about.”

Treize: “Would you like me to explain it again?”

Everyone else: “No!”

Lark: “For additional rules, you have to look at the notebook, which will be kept in our dugout.”

Noin: “Can we see the notebook?”

Lark: “No.”

Treize: “Everything needs rules. Even war. Without the rules of war, there can be no winner, just like in baseball, where without rules no winner can be justly determined.”

Heero: “Didn’t I tell you to shut up?”

Lark: “Okay, we’re going to have Laguna, President of Esthar, throw out the first pitch.”

Laguna: *comes on field, waving* “Hey, hey, everyone! I’m President of Esthar!”

Squall: “Geez…she just told them that!”

Zell: “Don’t diss your father.”

Squall: *shudders* “Stop it.”

Irvine: “Uh…Zell…aren’t you supposed to be *catching* the first pitch?”

Zell: “Oops!” *runs out on field.”

(laguna throws the ball pretty poorly and zell catches it)

Kiros: “Ward says you throw like a girl!”

Laguna: *frowns* “Why is Ward always putting me down? Is he still mad at me from when I pushed him off that cliff?”

Lark: “Forget it, Laguna. We’re gonna start now! We’re up first!”

Shell: “Hey! Who put that sign that says ‘for a good time call’ up? That’s my cell phone number!!”

Highlights from the 1st inning

(shell’s cell phone rings)

Shell: “Oh crap.” *picks it up* “Hello?”

????: “Hello, little girl.” *click click click*

Shell: *shrieks* “Ew! Dr. J! Keep your claw to yourself!!” *hangs up, shaking*


(squall comes up to bat)

Squall: “Nida, if I strike out, I’m going to beat you.”

Nida: *sweat drops* “Oh crap.”

Wufei: *who’s the catcher, if you’ll recall* “Ha ha! The umpire’s weak!”

Nida: “Hey!” *tear* “That’s mean!”


(the cheerleaders are sitting around, fanning themselves. lark comes out of the dugout and glares at them)

Lark: “You’re supposed to be cheering! I don’t hear any “Ra ra-ing” over here!”

Noelle: “It’s too hot.”

Lark: “Hey, well, at least you’re not wearing black uniforms.”

Selphie: “I’ve been cheering! Go Knights of the Masamune! Whee!!!”

Lark: “I never thought I’d say this, but all of you–be more like Selphie!”

Irvine: *mutters* “This truly is the Twilight Zone.”

Twilight: “Hey! That show has my name in the title!”


(sephiroth comes up to bat)

Heero: “Come on, Duo! Strike him out!”

Duo: “Right.” *throws the ball*

Sephiroth: *hits a homerun* “Whoo hoo!”

Lark: “Yeah! Sephiroth, I love you!”

Sephiroth: *touching home plate* “Really?!?!?!?”

Lark: “No.”

Sephiroth: *disappointed* “Oh.”


(quatre comes up to bat)

Quatre’s guys: “GO MASTER QUATRE!!!”

Quatre: *smiles* “Thanks you guys!” *swings and misses*

Wufei: “You suck, Quatre!!”

Heero: “I told you not to heckle your own team members, Wufei.”

(quatre swings and misses again)

Wufei: “You still suck!”

Trowa: “Wufei….please.”

(quatre strikes out)

Wufei: “You’re a disgrace to the team!”

Quatre guy #1: “Hey! He’s making fun of Master Quatre!”

Quatre guy #2: “Get him!”

Wufei: *gulp* “Oh crap. NATAKU!!!” *hides*


(treize comes up to bat)

Lady Une: *cheers* “Give me a T! Give me an R! Give me an E! Give me an I, Z, E! What does it spell? Treize!!” *jumps up and down* “Go Mr. Treize!”

(the treize faction goes nuts in the stands)

Zell: “Geez, you have a lot of fans.”

Treize: “They’re my loyal supporters. You see–“

Lark: *calls from first base* “Treize, honey, I love ya but just bat!”

Treize: “Okay, sweetie.” *hits a double*

Lark: “Crap.” *mumbles* “Never mind.”


Highlights from the 2nd Inning…

Heidegger: “Peanuts! Gya haa haa!”

Rufus: *frowns* “I don’t want peanuts. I want a hot dog.”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! Peanuts!”

Rufus: “Where’s the hot dog vender?”

Elena: “Can you go 5 minutes without whining?”

Rufus: “Shut up! Go get me a hot dog!”

Elena: “No!”


(Twilight hits a pop up to Trowa)

Twilight: *as he runs to first* “Drop it! Drop it!”

Trowa: “Huh?”

Quatre: “Trowa! Watch out!”

Trowa: *looks up* “What?” *gets hit in the head with the ball and falls unconcious*

Twilight: “I have got kick ass aim!”

Quatre: “Trowa!”

(he, and everyone else on his team runs over, including lark and shell)

Quatre: *shakes him* “Trowa! Wake up!”

Shell: “My poor baby!”

Wufei: “He’s weak.”

Heero: “Come on….we don’t have any extra players!”

Trowa: *comes to* “Uh….”

Quatre: “Trowa!” *hugs him*

Shell: “Are you okay, Trowa?”

Trowa: “Yes. Hit me again! Please?”


(duo comes up to bat)

Nida: “You have a braid! Ha ha! Those are for girls!”

Duo: *whacks him in the head with his braid* “They still for girls?”

Nida: *seeing stars* “No…..”


(zechs runs from 2nd to 3rd base)

Twilight: “Hey! No one gets past me!” *gets the ball and pegs zechs in the back with it*

Zechs: “Ow! Hey, who threw that?”

Treize: “Don’t hurt my beautiful Zechs!”

Heero: “There’s no pegging in baseball!”

Shell: “Don’t waste your breath. I tried that one last time.”

Quatre: “Well…that’s just not nice.”

Twilight: “Shove it, fruit!”

Noelle: “Hey! Don’t say that to my baby!”

Opal: “Be nice, Twilight!”

Twilight: *mutters* “Fine…..”


Highlights from the 3rd Inning….

(shell’s cell phone rings)

Shell: “Oh no…” *picks it up* “Hello?”

?????: “Gya haa haa!”

Shell: “Ick! Heidegger!” *hangs up*


Lark: *glaring at the cheerleaders* “Okay, we have a problem.”

Ashley: “What’s that?”

Lark: “Why is it Lady Une, who’s *one* person, is making more noise than the 6 of you?”

Ashley: “Well that’s easy. She wants to screw Treize.”

Lark: “No! It’s because she has enthusiasm!”

Rinoa: “It really is hot out.”

Lark: “Come on, people!”

Yuffie: “Hey, do you have any materia?”


(twilight is up at bat again)

Twilight: “Heh heh. Watch this.” *stops duo’s pitch, then sends it over the wall for a homerun* “All right! Homerun!”

Heero: *confused* “What the hell….”

Duo: *jaw drops* “Uh…..”

Shell: “Oh, like that wasn’t obvious.”

Opal: “Oh dear….Twilight.”

Twilight: “Whoo hoo! I rock!”

Wufei: “Wufei is impressed.”

Twilight: “Out of my way, loser!” *pushes Wufei away from homeplate*

Sephiroth: *chuckles* “I like him.”

Zechs: “Treize….how could the ball just stop like that?”

Treize: “That is something even I cannot explain.”

Twilight: “Ha ha! You all suck!”

Wufei: *frowns* “I do not!”


Highlights from the 4th Inning

Rufus: *whines* “I just want a damn hot dog!”

Reeve: *winces* “Yeah. So we’ve heard.”

Bria: *gently* “Rufus, why don’t you get up and get one?”

Rufus: “I’m the President! I don’t have to!” *pouts*

Reno: *staggers over* “Hey, people! Wanna hear my song?”

Rufus: “Wow, Reno. Think you can remember your own lyrics?”

Reno: “Huh? Let me sing it for ya.”

Rufus: “Great. Just what I need to complete my day.”

Reno: *sings* “Take me out to the ball game. Take me out for the beer! Buy me some beer and some more good beer! I don’t care if I never get back! Let’s get drunk, drunk drunk for the home team, if they don’t win I don’t care! For it’s one, two, three beers you’re drunk at the ol’ ball game!”

Rufus: “………….If that wasn’t the……….dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my life….”

Reno: “Hey! You’re just jealous!”

Rufus: “…..Right.”


(lark is on first base, and heero is intent on the game)

Lark: *flirting* “Hi…Heero.”

Heero: “I’m trying to concentrate.”

Lark: “You should wear tight pants more often.”

Heero: *turns* “Really?” *pause* “Wait. I always wear tight pants.”

(shell hits the ball and it goes flying by heero)

Lark: “Right! Well, keep it up! Bye!” *runs to second base*

Heero: “What? Hey! No flirting during the game!”

Sephiroth: “Sorry, but it’s allowed.”

Heero: “Huh? Let me see that!” *takes the rules and reads* “Damn. It actually is.”

Wufei: “Ha ha! Weak minded fool!”

Heero: “Blow it out your ass!”

Zell: “Great comeback!”

Irvine: “Shut up.”


(the gundam wing guys are getting ready to bat and their side is making a lot of noise)

Lark: “This sucks. First our cheerleaders don’t wanna freakin’ cheer, and now our side is quiet, while their side acts like they’re at the freakin’ World Series!”

(the treize faction members are fighting with each other)

Treize guy #1: “I’d die for Treize!”

Treize guy #2: “I’d die for him first!”

Treize guy #3: “No, I would first!”

Treize guy #1: “I’d do anything for Treize!”

Treize guy #2: “No, I would!”

Treize guy #3: “I’d crash my Taurus suit into a building for Treize!”

Treize guy #1: “Big deal! I’d get eaten alive by a lion!”

Treize guy #2: “I’d get eaten alive by cockroaches!”

Treize: *interrupts* “Don’t worry, men. You can all die for me. But senseless deaths–” *keeps talking but gets drowned out by the cheering of the treize faction*

Lark: “See what I mean!”

Sephiroth: “Look at our side.” *points*

Lark: *sarcastic* “They looked excited.”

Sephiroth: “Reeve looks like he’s about to kill Rufus….” *frowns* “That’s my job.”

Lark: *yells at them* “HEY! ACT HAPPY!”

Rufus: *yells back* “I wanna hot dog!”


(Heero is running from 1st base to 2nd base. with a laugh, twilight trips him and heero falls to the ground with a sickening crack)

Lark: “Ah! My poor Heero!” *runs over* “Are you all right?!”

Heero: *looks at his obviously broken leg* “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Opal: “Twilight, you’re not playing nice!”

Twilight: “Cause playing nice is no fun!”

Lark: *helps heero to his feet* “You better sit down.”

Heero: “I’ll be fine.” *takes hold of his leg*

Duo: “Oh no! He’s gonna….” *covers his ears*

(heero pops his bone back in with a huge crack. everyone is throughly disgusted)

Sephiroth: “Oh man…that’s disgusting!”

Hojo: “What an interesting speciman…” *pushes sephiroth* “Better than you!”

Sephiroth: “Don’t touch me!”

Heero: “I’ll walk it off.”

Irvine: “Walk if off?! You broke a bone.”

Heero: “I’m fine. Happens all the time.”

Squall: “Whatever.”


Highlights from the 5th Inning

(shell’s cell phone rings)

Shell: *groans and picks it up* “Hello?”

????: “Um…hi. You have a very pretty voice.”

Shell: *smiles* “Oh really?” *giggles* “So do you! I’m Shell.”

????: “Really? Thanks, Shell!”

Shell: “You seem like the nicest guy I’ve talked to today. Most of them are gross! Tell me about yourself.”

????: “Well, I’m really popular, and I’m a great student.”

Shell: “Oh? Where do you go to school?”

????: “Balamb Garden. I’m the pilot!”

Shell: *screams* “Ew! I was hitting on Nida!!” *hangs up*

Nida: *across the field, still talking on his phone* “Hello? Shell?”


(the count is 3 and 2 to squall)

Tseng: “Do you hear hoof beats?”

Shell: “I think the sky is getting darker.”

Lark: *going crazy, none of the other ff8 people are* “Oh my god! Odin!” *stares at the ff8 guys* “Why aren’t you helping me?! Tell everyone to get down!”

Irvine: *shrugs* “Eh.”

Zell: “We don’t really care about them.”

Lark: “WHAT?!”

(but it’s too late. odin comes running through. but luckily, all the guys he aimed for were the pilots, and they were too short for him to reach. he’s gone)

Duo: “Did anyone else get this weird whoosh over their head?”

Lark: “SQUALL!”

Squall: *hiding a smile* “I told you I couldn’t control him!”


(zechs is in the outfield, swatting his bangs out of his face. noin looks over)

Noin: “Something wrong, Zechs?”

Zechs: “Yeah. I can’t see.”

Noin: “I told you to cut your hair! Mine is shorter than yours!”

Treize: “Don’t tell him to cut his hair! I like it long.”

Noin: “He can’t see!”

Treize: “He can see fine. Right, Zechs?”

Zechs: *turns around to face the wall* “Treize? That you?”


(Wufei at bat…..)

Wufei: “Watch me hit a home run!” *swings and misses* “On the next pitch!” *swings and misses*

Zell: *laughs* “Guess you meant the one *after* the next one, huh?”

Wufei: “Shut up, you! Or I’ll hit you with the bat!”

Nida: “Do it! Do it!”

Zell: “No! Hit the umpire!”

Nida: “No!”

Wufei: “Silence ignoramuses! Wufei is batting and is going to hit a homerun!” *Wufei swings and misses*

Nida: “You’re out!” *runs far away*

Wufei: “The great Chang Wufei…..struck….out?”

Quatre: *calls* “Ha ha! You suck!”

Trowa: “Quatre?”

Quatre: *shrugs* “What? He did it to me.”


Highlights from the 6th Inning

Rufus: *whines* “I want a hot dog!!!”

Reeve: *whispers* “Maybe if we ignore him, he’ll shut the hell up.”

Rufus: “I heard that!”

Heidegger: “Cracker jacks! Gya haa haa!”

Rufus: “No! Hot dogs! Not cracker jacks!”

Heidegger: “Cracker jacks! Gya haa haa!”

Rufus: “You’re fired!”

Heidegger: “Gya haa–hey!”

Reeve: “You can’t fire him.”

Rufus: *sighs* “Fine. You’re not fired.”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! Whoo hoo!”

Rufus: “Just knock it off with that horse laugh and the cracker jacks!”

Heidegger: *quietly* “Gya haa haa.”


Lark: “Okay, Seifer, Vincent, Cloud, you guys are in for the rest of the game.”

Rude, Tseng and Zell: *disappointed* “Oh….”

Lark: “No, you guys were great! We just have to be fair and give everyone a chance.”

Sephiroth: “You? Fair? We’ve been cheating the whole game!”

Lark: “I mean fair to *ourselves*, Sephy. Not to the other team!”

Sephiroth: *grins* “Gotcha.”


(it’s vincent’s turn to bat)

Vincent: “….Has there been any changes to the rules that say I can’t transform to bat?”

Lark: *checks* “Um…………………..no. And if their was I would have changed it anyway.”

Vincent: “Thank you.” *transforms into galien beast and goes to bat*

Duo: “What the @#%^ is that?”

Heero: “That one of your *players*?”

Lark: “Yup. Just pitch to him.”

(vincent hits a homerun)

Dr. J: “Very interesting….”

Hojo: *jumping up and down* “I made him that way! I made him that way!”

Lark: “Don’t make me kill you, Hojo.”

Hojo: *gulp* “Never mind.”


(twilight is on 2nd base. the ball is hit and caught by treize, the shortstop, who goes to tag him)

Twilight: “Over my dead body!” *starts running for the outfield*

Zechs: “What the hell?!”

Opal: “Twilight, you’re cheating!”

Twilight: “I know!”

Lark: “Hm. What do you think, Shell?”

(zechs and treize are both trying to tag twilight who’s running around the outfield)

Shell: “Well…this is really *really* illegal. You’re not supposed to run out of the basepath.”

Heero: “Come on! This is ridiculous!”

Lark: “Okay, fine.” *pause* “Replay.”

Wufei: “Replay?! What the hell is that, woman! He’s out!”

Lark: “I’m in charge and I say replay. Twilight, don’t do that again or I’ll string you up by your skinny little neck.”

Twilight: *sighs* “Fine…..” *mutters* “Like you could anyway….”


(Sephiroth at bat)

Sephiroth: “I’ve hit so many homeruns today I can’t even count them all!”

Wufei: *mutters* “You suck.”

(the pitch is made)

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa!”

Sephiroth: *swings and misses* “Hey!!! He distracted me!”

Wufei: “Sucks to be you.”

Sephiroth: “I’ll do it this time.”

(the pitch is made)

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa!”

Sephiroth: *swings and misses* “ARGH! HE’S RUINING MY CONCENTRATION!”

Lark: “Come on, Sephy! Hit one for me and the team!”

Sephiroth: “Okay!” *mutters* “If you’re involved….”

(the pitch is made)

Heidegger: *extra loud* “GYA HAA HAA!!!”

Sephiroth: *swings and misses*

Wufei: “Ha ha! You’re out!”

Nida: “Hey, I’m the umpire! You’re out, Sephiroth.” *runs away*

Sephiroth: *face turns bright red. grips the bat, knuckles turning red* “…..You…broke….my…concentraion…and…made…me STRIKE OUT!” *jumps into the stands and starts chasing heidegger with the bat*


Sephiroth: “I’ll bash you good!”

Shell: “Aren’t you going to stop this, Lark?”

Lark: “Let the man bash, Shell. Let the man bash.”


(heero’s up to bat. seifer pitches)

Nida: “Ball 3!”

Seifer: *whines* “It’s not fair, Lark! These guys are so short they have no strike zone!”

Heero: “Size isn’t everything.”

Shell: “I don’t know, Seifer. Rude wasn’t having a problem. Maybe he’s just a better pitcher than you.”

Seifer: *frowns* “Never mind.” *mutters* “Stupid Rude….”


Highlights from the 7th Inning

(shell’s cell phone rings)

Shell: “If that’s Nida again…..” *picks up* “…Hello?”

????: “Hello? I’d like a good time!”

Shell: Ew!!! Is this you, Hojo?”

Hojo: “Uh…..no!”

Shell: “Ew! No! I’m hanging up!”

Hojo: “Uh, wait! Can I at least talk to my son?”

Shell: *makes disgusted face* “Um….I guess.” *covers mouthpiece* “Sephiroth, phone call!”

Sephiroth: *takes the phone* “Sephiroth here.”

Hojo: “Hi, son!”

Sephiroth: “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!” *drops the phone and runs away*

(10 minutes later…..)

Heero: “Come on! We want to get back to the game!”

Shell: “Um….Lark is trying to get Sephiroth back.”

(in the locker room, sephiroth is crouched in the corner, knees to his chest, rocking back and forth. lark’s kneeling next to him, stroking his hair)

Lark: “Aw! My poor Sephy!! I know you hate Hojo!”

Sephiroth: *shudders* “That name….”

Lark: “Oops! Sorry.” *frowns* “Come on, honey. You can’t let that skeevy, disgusting, perverted rat trap of a guy get to you! We can’t win this game without you!”

Sephiroth: *small voice* “Really?”

Lark: “Yes!” *quietly* “Don’t tell anyone I said this, but I think you’re the best player.”

Sephiroth: *eyes light up* “Really? Even after I struck out?”

Lark: “That was Heidegger’s fault. Besides the bashing you gave him made up for it.”

Sephiroth: *proudly* “I did bash him good, didn’t I.”

Lark: “Now come on. Let’s kick some Gundam butt!”

Sephiroth: “Yeah!” *pause* “Thanks, woman. But I didn’t really need that.”

Lark: “Right….”


Lark: “Okay, before we start again I have to yell at the cheerleaders.”

Rinoa: “Oh no.”

Quistis: “Here it comes.”

Lark: *smiles* “Hello, girls. I haven’t heard much cheering coming from over here.”

Noelle: “We were cheering!”

Ashley: “Just really quietly. We didn’t want to disturb the game like Heidegger did.”

Yuffie: “Is he alive?”

Lark: “He’s fine! Anyway, I better hear some cheering coming out of you guys or you’ll be hanging out with Heidegger and his reject pals for the week! Got it!”

Girls: *gulp* “Yes.”

(lark leaves)

Rinoa: “We bettter think of something….”


(irvine hits a pop up to quatre)

Duo: “Catch it, Quatre!”

Quatre: *runs away from it* “I don’t wanna get hit like Trowa did!”

Trowa: “Why not? I liked it!”

Heero: “No! Quatre!”

Irvine: *safe at first* “Yee haw!”

Reeve: *points excitedly* “See! I’m not the only one who does it!”

Bria: *pats him on the arm* “Yes, dear. We’re very happy for you.”

Elena: “Right…..”


(the gundam wing guys are up to the bat when all the sudden….)

Treize: “What might that be running across the outfield?”

Irvine: “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! What the @#%%@!?”

Zechs: *squints, holding his bangs out of his face* “Looks like….” *pales*

Sephiroth: “Oh my god!” *turns away*

Quatre: “What is everyone looking at?” *looks and passes out*

Cloud: “Huh?”

Ashley: “Oh my god! Hey look, Noelle! Isn’t that Reno streaking across the field?”

Noelle: “Ohmygodwhere?!” *gets up and strains to look*

Lark: “Well the game has been taken to a new low.”

Rude: “…..I don’t know him.”

Reeve: “*Now* Rufus he has disgraced the company.” *no answer* “Rufus?”

Rufus: *banging his head against the seat in front of him* “This is the worst day of my life.”

Elena: “Nah. Knowing you you’ll think tomorrow is worse.”

Rufus: *glares at her* “Shut up! Tseng’s gay!”

Elena: *covers her ears and hums* “I can’t hear you!”


Highlights from the 8th Inning

Rufus: “Where’s my hot dog?”

Heidegger: *bandage around his head* “Gya haa haa! Popcorn!”

Rufus: “Popcorn! No! Hot dog! HOT DOG!”

Heidegger: “Popcorn! Gya haa haa! Gya haa haa!”

Rufus: *whines* “I’m hungry!!”


Lark: *from the dugout* “Sephy, look out into the field and tell me what you see.”

Sephiroth: “Nine baseball players, clad in black, looking like they’re about to collapse because they’re dying of the heat.”

Lark: “Right on.” *they high five*


Sephiroth: “You’d rather be sweating or wearing pink?”

Lark: “….Too close to call.”


(duo’s on third base)

Scarlet: *comes up next to him, in a sexy voice* “Hey there. You’re cute.”

Duo: *gives her a weird look* “Uh….you’re like 30 years older than me.”

Scarlet: “Age is only a state of mind.” *winks*

Duo: *gulp* “Uh…..” *squeaks* “Ashley!”

Ashley: “Are you hitting on my man, hoebag!?”

Scarlet: “Uh oh….”


Lark: “Okay, girls! It’s time for your cheer!”

Rinoa: “We’re ready!”

Ashley: *mumbles* “Crackwhore.”

Lark: “Let’s see it.”

Cheerleaders: “Give me a K! Give me an N! Give me an I, G, H, T, S, O, F, T, H, E, M, A, S, A, M, U, N, E! Go Knights of the Masamune!”

Lark: *gives them a look* “What, did you spend a whole 2 seconds writing that?”

Noelle: “Hey, maybe you should have went with a shorter name!”

Lark: “Point taken. Good enough.”


Highlights from the 9th Inning

(shell’s cell phone rings)

Sephiroth: “Don’t answer it!”

Shell: “I have to! It might be a call from someone I like!” *braces herself and answers* “…Hello?”

?????: “Hello?”

Shell: *pause* “Wufei?”

Wufei: “Shell?”


Shell: “See you at eight?”

Wufei: “Fine.”

(they both hang up)


Rufus: “I wanna hot dog!!”

Elena: “Reeve, how about we kill him, and *you* can be President of Shinra!”

Reeve: “I’ll kill him, but I don’t wanna be President of Shinra.”

Bria: “Hey! That’s not nice!”

Reeve and Elena: “Oh.”

Bria: “What you do is kill him and disband Shinra.”

Rufus: “I can hear you!”

Bria: “We’re just kidding Rufus.”

Rufus: “Sure you are.”

Opal: *comes over* “Um, hi, you guys.”

Elena, Rufus, Bria and Reeve: *look over* “Huh?”

Opal: “I’m Twilight’s girlfriend, Opal, and um, I was listening to you guys talk, and look! I brought you a hot dog!” *holds out a hot dog*

Rufus: *jaw drops* “You…..you….brought a hot dog….for me?”

Opal: *nods* “Uh-huh!”

Rufus: *takes it* “Thank you so much!”

Opal: “You’re welcome!”

Rufus: “You know, if you ever need a job–“

Bria: “Rufus….”

Rufus: *blushes* “Thanks.”


(ok, it’s finally the bottom of the ninth. the score is 21-19, Knights of the Masamune.  Wufei and duo are on base and quatre’s up with 2 outs.)

Shell: “This look familar to anyone?”

Lark: “Shut the hell up! This time we won’t blow it!”

Elena: “So what do you think, Bria? Another loss?”

Bria: “Oh yes. Reeve?”

Reeve: “Yes. Rufus?”

Rufus: “Can’t. Eating.”

Zell: *looks over* “Hey! Is that a hot dog!?”

Rufus: “Hands off! It took me the whole damn game to get this!”

Ashley: “Come on, Seifer! Pitch a good one!”

Seifer: *quietly* “Haste….” *casts haste on the ball*

Quatre: *gulp* “I can do this….”

Wufei: “You suck!”

Trowa: “Shut up, Wufei.”

Treize: “Ah. The climax of the game. One team will go on to victory, while one will be crushed by defeat. Kind of like war–“

Heero: “Not now, Treize.”

Quatre’s guys: “GO MASTER QUATRE!”

Noelle: “You can do it, baby!”

(seifer throws it and quatre connects. irvine goes back to the wall, but it’s outta there)

Quatre: “Wow! I hit a home run!!”

Heero: “Yeah! We won! We won! We won!”

Quatre’s Guys: “YEAH!!!! MASTER QUATRE’S THE BEST!!!”

Noelle: *going to hug quatre after he touches home plate* “Quatre, that was beautiful! That was so beautiful! Beautiful! You do know how beau–“

Quatre: *kisses her to cut her off* “Yeah, I know.”

(the gw guys carry quatre off in triumph, and Noelle goes with them)

Elena and Bria: “Called it again.”

Rufus: “That was a good hot dog.” *looks up* “What happened?”

Twilight: “The great Twilight XyXia lost AGAIN!?”

Zell: “You know, Seifer, if you hadn’t cast haste on the ball, it wouldn’t have had enough speed to go over the wall.”

Seifer: *clenches his teeth* “I *know*, chicken-wuss.”

Shell: “Yeah. *Rude* would have never cheated and cast haste on the ball.”

Seifer: “Well I *thought* I was doing everyone a favor!”

Tseng: “Lark hasn’t said anything.”

Vincent: “She’s just…..standing there…doing nothing.”

Lark: *calmly* “Someone tell me the score?”

Irvine: “Final Score, 22-21, the Zero System.”

Lark: *sobs* “We lost again!”

Shell: *shrugs* “On the plus side I’m gonna score with Wufei.”

Lark: *whines* “This is the worst day of my life!”

Bria: “Look, Rufus. You’re not the only one having a bad day!”

Reno *comes back in* “Hey, everyone! Whadda I miss?”

Reeve: “Well look who’s wearing clothes!”

Reno: “Well someone had to do it.”

Lark: “We lost again! That’s it! I’m never playing baseball again!”

Shell: “Good! No offense, Lark.”

Sephiroth: “Yeah, it’s just that these rambles are a pain in the ass to write.”

Irvine: “And they go on forever and ever.”

Nida: “And everybody’s mean to me in them.”

Lark: “Nobody asked you!” *picks up a bat*

Nida: “Not again!” *runs away, lark at his heels*

Zell: “Go ahead, Tseng. Just say it.”

Tseng: “That it was a good game?”

Zell: “Yeah.”

Tseng: “But I don’t really want to.”

Zell: “Just do it so we can end this damn thing!”

Tseng: “Okay….” *clears his throat* “It was a good game.”

Zell: “No it wasn’t! Are you crazy! Are you out of your @#%@% mind!….” *goes on*

Tseng: *looks scared* “Oh dear…..”


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