Hojo: “Why I am Sephiroth, you inferior being! I will become one with the planet! Muhaha, yes, so on and so forth with the evil laughter. Can I come in?”

Originally Published: 7/25/00 . 19 pages

Synopsis
Rufus is throwing a party at the ramble room – well, it’s at his expense, anyway. Can the Gundam Wing guys and the Final Fantasy guys get along? And will Laguna prove to be a capable door guard?

Ramble Milestones
-Sephiroth refers to Vincent as “my Vincent”; Vincent calls Sephiroth “my angel.”
-Opal’s first appearance.
-Rude is good at dancing.
-Tseng wonders if Reeve would dance with him.
-Lark and Zell break up.

A lot of firsts in this ramble! Honestly, I am not a big fan of this ramble – it ranks somewhere near the bottom on my list – but this ramble introduces a lot of stuff (mostly yaoi related!). There are a few chuckles in here as well. I enjoy when the losers come in dressed as the other characters. All in all though, this is another senseless party ramble without a plot. But at least in the grand scheme of things, it did do something. Oh, and I love how outdated my music choices are now.

(Rufus, Seifer, Sephiroth, Irvine, Rude and Zell are sitting around in the ramble room, looking bored.)

Seifer: “Want to start a club?”

Zell: *cautiously* “What kind of club?”

Seifer: “Uh…how about the Bored Club?”

Irvine: “What do we do?”

Seifer: “Uh…..be bored…I guess.”

Sephiroth: “Then that’s been founded a long time ago.”

Rufus: “Come on, Rude! Think of something to do!”

Rude: *shrugs* “Where’s Reno?”

Sephiroth: *mumbles* “Probably drunk in a gutter somewhere.”

Reno: *running in* “Hey everyone!”

Rude: “Hey, man.”

Sephiroth: “Dammit. I thought you were in a gutter.”

Reno: “What? Never mind. I just got a DJ!”

Seifer: “….for what?”

Reno: “The party we’re throwing!”

All others: *blink* “What party?!”

Reno: *laughs* “Oh! Right! I thought I forgot to do something! Anyway, we’re throwing a huge party to impress the girls. We’ll invite those Gundam Wing boys and make them feel totally inferior!”

Zell: *grins* “I don’t need to impress the girls. I’ve got one.”

Sephiroth: *glares* “Grrrrr….”

Rufus: “Good idea, Reno. But…uh…who exactly is paying for this?”

Reno: “Oh yeah.” *tosses rufus his atm card* “Thanks, buddy.”

Rufus: *drops jaw* “What? How could you—how did you–“

Reno: *winks* “Wasn’t too hard to guess.”

Rufus: *turns red* “Yes….well…”

Irvine: “So when is this huge, mega blowout event?”

Reno: “Tomorrow!”

All others: *blink* “TOMORROW!?”

Rufus: “How am I going to find something to wear last minute?!”

Seifer: “I’ve gotta find Ashley!” *runs out*

Rude: “Did you invite the Gundam Wing guys, Reno?”

Reno: *nods* “Yup. All of them. And they’re coming too.”

Irvine: “Well did you get the alcohol?”

Reno: “Did the sun come up today, Irvine?”

Irvine: *grins* “Gotcha.”

Rufus: “I hope I have something in my closet to wear to this!”

Reno: “Quit whining! No one’s going to be looking at you anyway.”

Rufus: “Hey!”

Zell: “Hey, man, do the girls know?”

Reno: *pause* “Uh….no.”

Rufus: “So basically you told everyone except the people who are always here.”

Reno: “….right.”

Rude: *sighs* “Better spread the word.”

Reno: “Right! Rufus, Irvine, Zell, Rude, tell all the Final Fantasy characters you know that we’re having a party tomorrow at 7:30 in the ramble room!”

(rude, zell, irvine and rufus leave)

Sephiroth: “What about me?”

Reno: *winks* “You can tell Lark. I’ll find the other girls and tell them.”

Sephiroth: *smiles* “Sometimes, Reno, I don’t hate you.”

Reno: “Remember that next time you go on a killing spree.”

---

(the next day. reno, rufus, sephiroth, rude and irvine are standing the ramble room. everything has been set up. food table on the left, dj straight ahead, and the floor has been cleared for dancing)

Reno: “Well, what do you think?”

Rufus: *grins* “I gotta hand it to you, Reno. For once you didn’t slack off on something.”

Reno: “Thanks, man.”

Irvine: “Hey, Reno, Rude, didn’t you two ask Noelle and Shell to the party?”

Reno: “Yeah. They should be here any minute. It’s almost 7:30.”

(the door opens, and heero, duo, quatre, trowa, wufei, zechs and treize walk in)

Duo: “I told you we’d be early.”

Heero: “Shut up. Where’s Lark?”

Reno: *grins* “Hey! Welcome to the party!”

Heero: “Where are the girls?”

Reno: “They should be here soon. You’re a little early. I should warn you though–“

Duo: *pokes heero* “Told you we’d be early.”

Heero: “Shut *up*, Duo.”

Rufus: “Hey, who are the new guys?”

Quatre: “Oh! This is Treize Kushranada and Zechs Merquise.”

Rufus: “Hi. I’m Rufus Shinra.”

Treize: “Pleasure to meet you.”

Zechs: “Same here. You’re pretty cute.”

Rufus: “Huh?”

Treize: *mumbles* “Zechs…we discussed this before we left the house….”

Zechs: *frowns* “Oh. Right.”

Quatre: “We brought some champagne–“

Reno: “All right!”

Quatre: “–non alcoholic!” *holds out bottle*

Reno: *takes it with a frown* “Oh. Thanks.”

Wufei: “I tried to kill him before we left. It didn’t work.”

Trowa: “Wufei, what did I tell you about that?”

Wufei: *sighs and recites* “If I’m going to kill anyone, kill you, Trowa.”

Trowa: “That’s right.”

Wufei: “You suck.”

Treize: *hands reno a bottle* “Cognac. Sorry, but it’s all we had.”

Reno: *grins* “Hey, now we’re talkin’!”

(several minutes go by, and everyone shows up. the ramble room is packed w/ ff characters and gw characters)

Heero: “Lark, there you are!” *goes to hug her, but stops when he sees zell* “Who’s that?” *glares*

Lark: *nervous laugh* “Heero…this is Zell, my Final Fantasy boyfriend.”

Heero: “WHAT!?”

Lark: “Now, now, honey. I’ll still dance with you, but I’m going to stay with Zell tonight, all right?”

Heero: *mutters* “Urge to kill….”

Lark: *shakes her head* “No, Heero. Be nice.”

Zell: *backs up* “Uh….let’s go, babe.”

Lark: *waves as she’s dragged away* “Bye!”

Duo: *laughs* “Sucks to be you, buddy. Hey, Ashley! Come over here!”

Ashley: *calls back* “Sorry, babe! I’m with Seifer tonight!”

Duo: *jaw drops* “What?!”

Heero: “Hmmm…looks like I’m not the only one it sucks to be, huh, Duo?”

Duo: “Shut up!”

Quatre: “At least I have Noelle. Right, Noelle?” *turns his head to find Noelle making out with reno* “Noelle!”

Noelle: *pulls away* “Huh? Oh, sorry Quatre, but I’m with Reno tonight. After all, he’s the one who threw this party.”

Quatre: *jaw drops, stutters* “But…but….”

Noelle: “Sorry!” *goes off to dance with reno*

Trowa: “Hmmm..what about Shell?”

Shell: *walks by with rude* “Sorry, Trowa. Maybe later, okay?”

Trowa: *jaw drops* “She dumped me for a *bald* guy?” *tear* “But I have such nice hair….”

Wufei: *laughs* “Ha ha! Sucks to be you four!”

Duo: “Can we kill him?”

Heero: “Later.”

Wufei: “Huh?”

Sephiroth: *coming over to heero* “Know that guy Lark’s with?”

Heero: “Yeah….”

Sephiroth: “I’m not allowed to kill him, but she’ll probably let you get away with it.”

Heero: *thinks* “Hmmmm…..”

Duo: “Heero! You can’t do that!”

Sephiroth: “Shut up, braided boy! Let the kid make his own decisions!”

Quatre: “It’s not worth it, Heero! Peace is best!”

Sephiroth: “What’s wrong with you people!? I thought you were warriors!”

Wufei: “I’m the best warrior! I rock! They all suck!”

Heero: “Hmmm… mission declined.”

Sephiroth: *frowns* “You suck.” *walks away*

Wufei: “That’s what I keep saying!”

(Laguna got stuck guarding the door)

Laguna: “Hey, Kiros! Want to help me guard the door?”

Kiros: “Ward says he wants to hook up with a hot chick!”

Laguna: “But that doesn’t involve you!”

Kiros: “…..I have to translate.” *walks away*

Laguna: “Hey hey! I’m President of Esthar! You can’t just leave me here!”

(hojo comes to the door dressed as sephiroth. he’s wearing all black, carrying a really big plastic sword and a crappy silver wig that’s in his face)

Hojo: “Hello.” *tries to walk in*

Laguna: “Hey hey! Wait a minute! I have to make sure you’re on the guest list! What’s your name?”

Hojo: “Why I am Sephiroth, you inferior being! I will become one with the planet! Muhaha, yes, so on and so forth with the evil laughter. Can I come in?”

Laguna: “Hmmm…you look a little short, but you sure act like him. Come on in.”

Hojo: “Heh heh.” *walks in, tripping over the masamune* “Damn sword!”

(nida comes to the door dressed as squall. he’s got on a messed up wig so it’s hanging in his face, and has his seed uniform on)

Laguna: “Squall! I’m so glad you’re here!” *hugs him*

Nida: *stiffens* “Ugh! Get off–uh…I mean…whatever.”

Laguna: “That’s my boy! Go right in!”

Nida: “Whatever.” *grins and goes in*

(scarlet comes over dressed as quistis. she has a whip and her hair done like her)

Laguna: “Hey hey! Who are you?”

Scarlet: “I’m Quistis.”

Laguna: “Quistis my son’s teacher?”

Scarlet: “Yeah….right.”

Laguna: “Oh! How’s he doing?”

Scarlet: “Uh…great. Yeah…really, really great.”

Laguna: “Glad to hear it! Go on in!”

Scarlet: “Heh heh.” *goes in*

(next comes heidegger dressed as rufus. he’s got a blonde wig on and an all white outfit)

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! I’m Rufus, President of Shinra! Haa haa!

Laguna: *looks skeptical* “I don’t remember hearing him laugh like that.”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! I’m just copying my idol, Heidegger!”

Laguna: *gins* “Okay, if that’s what you’re doing. Go right in!”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa!” *goes in*

Lark: *comes over to zechs and treize* “Hey, boys! I didn’t know you were coming!”

Treize: “Hey, sweetie. Well surprises are fun aren’t they?”

Lark: *giggles* “You bet.”

Zechs: “You know a lot of cute guys.”

Treize:  “*Zechs*.”

Zechs: “I can’t help it! Stop trying to control me!”

Lark: *interrupts* “Hey, so, uh, you two want to dance with me?”

Treize and Zechs: “Both of us?”

Lark: *grins* “Sure!”

(they go out to the dance floor just as the Bloodhound Gang’s “Bad Touch” comes on. rude, reno, and seifer drag their girls out to dance too. the dance floor’s really crowded)

Sephiroth: “I hate this song….”

Heero: “Oh no! Lark’s dancing with Zechs and Trieze! Where’s that dumb ‘boyfriend’ of hers?”

Sephiroth: *points to zell at the food table* “In his natural habitat. He’s not half as possessive as us.”

Heero: *mumbles* “Well that’s no good.”

(rude and shell are showing off some pretty fancy dance steps, Noelle and reno are dancing right up against each other, Ashley and seifer are slam dancing and lark’s dancing between zechs and treize…heh heh)

Quatre: *turning away from watching Noelle* “Oh dear….I can’t watch that….”

(meanwhile…hojo walks by vincent)

Vincent: “Hmmm…you are not Sephiroth.”

Hojo: *looks at him* “Yes I am, you moron! I’m going to so summon meteor now, if you don’t mind!”

Vincent: “You are *not* Sephiroth.”

Hojo: “Are too! Look, I will become one with the planet! Satisfied now?”

Vincent: “Give it up, Hojo.”

Hojo: “Hojo! Yuck! I hate him! He may be a genius, but uh…” *vincent pulls the wig off him* “Damn.”

Vincent: “You can’t fool me.”

Hojo: “Dumb Turk!”

Vincent: “SEPHIROTH!”

Hojo: *pales* “Oh no.”

Sephiroth: *appears* “You rang?”

Vincent: “Hojo was pretending to be you.”

Sephiroth: *disgusted* “Ugh! What an insult! How dare you crash the party pretending to be me!”

Hojo: “I can explain–“

Sephiroth: “I’m sure you can. I just don’t care.” *snaps his fingers and hojo disappers* “Better, my Vincent?”

Vincent: “Much, my angel.”

Sephiroth: “Very well. We never had this conversation.” *goes back across the room*

(twilight enters the room with a pretty girl, Opal, on his arm)

Twilight: “Hey everyone! I’m fashionably late!”

Sephiroth: “Twilight? You were invited?”

Twilight: “Of course! I am the great Twilight XyXia!”

Opal: “He was very surprised.”

Twilight: “Opal!”

Sephiroth: “This is your girlfriend I’ve often heard about?”

Twilight: “Yup. Sephiroth, this is Opal. Opal, Sephiroth.”

Opal: “Nice to meet you, Sephiroth.”

Sephiroth: “Thank you. I don’t often hear that.”

(a slow song comes on–Mandy Moore’s “I wanna be with you”)

Opal: “Wanna dance, Twilight?”

Twilight: *groans* “Not really…”

Opal: “Too bad.” *drags him to the dance floor*

Lark: “Here.” *puts zechs and treize together* “You two dance this one together. I’ll get Zell.” *goes and drags him away from the food* “You’ve had enough hot dogs.”

Zell: “Sorry, babe. But they’re so rare!”

(shell dances with rude, Noelle dances with reno, and Ashley dances with seifer)

Trowa: “Ooh…that guy she’s with dances much better than I do.”

Wufei: “That’s cause you suck at everything!”

(tseng’s standing with elena)

Tseng: “Elena…??”

Elena: *eagerly* “Yes, Tseng?”

Tseng: “….do you think Reeve would dance with me?”

Elena: *mutters to herself* “I did not just hear that…I did not just hear that…”

Tseng: “Well?”

Elena: “He’s dancing with that girl!”

Tseng: *frowns* “Oh.”

Elena: “I’ll dance with you though!”

Tseng: *sighs* “Very well.” *they go dance*

Lark: “Zell…I think we need to talk.”

Zell: “….are you breaking up with me?”

Lark: “How did you know?”

Zell: *frowns* “I figured the worst.”

Lark: “Aw! Zell, I’m not breaking up with you cause I don’t like you anymore, it’s just that I think we’d be better as friends, don’t you think?”

Zell: “Yeah…I guess.”

Lark: “No hard feelings?”

Zell: “Nope.”

Lark: *smiles and kisses him on the cheek* “Good.”

(another fast song comes on…nida accidentally runs into squall)

Squall: *glares at him*

Nida: *sweat drops* “Hi….uh…who are you? I’m Squall….”

Squall: *growls*

Nida: *sweat drops* “Oh dear….”

Rinoa: “Nida? Is that you?”

Nida: “Eep!” *runs out the door, squall at his heels*

Scarlet: *watches and laughs* “Ha ha! Loser!”

Selphie: “Quistis! That wasn’t very nice!”

Scarlet: “Who? Oh yeah. Quistis. That’s me.”

(the real quistis comes over)

Quistis: “What’s going on here, Selphie?”

Selphie: “Huh? Oh, I was just talking to Quis–” *see the real quistis* “Hey, wait.”

Scarlet: “Gotta run!” *runs out the door*

Squall: *returns with nida’s wig* “Now that *that’s* been taken care of…”

(suddenly from across the room….)

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa!”

Rufus: *screams like a girl*

Lark: *runs over* “What’s going on here!”

Rufus: *has jumped into vincent’s arms* “That!” *points at heidegger*

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa!”

Lark: “Ew! How dare you try to match Rufus’ cuteness! Get out!”

Heidegger: “Gya haa–damn.” *he leaves*

Vincent: “Hojo was here also, dressed as Sephiroth.” *clears his throat* “Ahem.”

Rufus: “Oops.” *gets down* “Sorry.”

Squall: “Yeah, and Nida was trying to be me.” *mumbles* “He wishes.”

Quistis: “And that bitch Scarlet thought she could pull herself off as me! That slut!”

Lark: “Who’s guarding the door?”

Everyone: “Laguna.”

Lark: “LAGUNA!”

Laguna: “Hey hey! What’s up?”

Lark: “You let Hojo, Scarlet, Nida and Heidegger in!”

Laguna: “No I didn’t.”

Lark: “Yes you did.”

Laguna: “I didn’t see them!”

Lark: “They came in dressed as other people!”

Laguna: “….whoops.”

Lark: *sighs* “Fine. I’ll let it go this time, but be more careful in the future.” *another slow song comes on, this time it’s Hero, by Mariah Carey* “Ooh! Where’s my Heero?” *runs over to him* “Hi, Heero.”

Heero: “Hi. Where’s that jerk?”

Lark: “Zell? We broke up.”

Heero: *face lights up* “You did?!”

Lark: “Yeah….so…wanna dance?”

Heero: “Of course.” *they go dance*

Sephiroth: *popping up from behind duo* “Did she say she broke up with Zell?”

Duo: “Yup.”

Sephiroth: “Yes! There’s still hope!”

Duo: “What?”

Sephiroth: “Nothing.” *slinks away*

Quatre: “I wish I had someone to dance with.”

Wufei: “Why don’t you ask Zechs and Treize if you can cut in!” *laughs*

Trowa: “They have more than you, Wufei.”

Wufei: *pouts* “Shut up.”

Irvine: “Yee haw! This is one rockin’ party!”

Selphie: *prys the bottle of tequila out of his hand* “Irvine, you’ve been warned.”

Irvine: *sad* “Ooh….”

Zechs: *looks over from where he’s dancing with treize* “He’s cute.”

Treize: *sighs in annoyence* “Yes, Zechs.”

Bria: “Reeve, honey, I think Tseng’s giving me an evil look.”

Reeve: “That’s silly, dear. Why would he do that?”

Bria: “I don’t know….”

(the song ends)

Twilight: “No more dancing!”

Opal: “That’s what you think!”

Heero: *goes back over to duo* “Ha ha.”

Duo: *frowns* “I’ll get her back.”

Sephiroth: *sitting on the couch* “Hmmmm….there must be a….”

Lark: *goes over to him* “Hey, Sephy! Whatcha doin’?”

Sephiroth: *surprised* “Lark! Hey!”

Lark: *looks around, but the rest of the couch is full* “Can I sit on your lap?”

Sephiroth: “Sure, sure!”

Lark: *sits and smiles at him* “Thanks. You looked lonely, so I came over.”

Sephiroth: “I heard you and Zell broke up.”

Lark: “Yeah….I just wanted to be friends.”

Sephiroth: “That’s good–I mean…that’s too bad.” *coughs* “So…uh…would you mind dancing with me?”

Lark: “I’d love to dance with you, Sephy!”

Sephiroth: “Really? Cause I can dance. A lot of people think I can’t, but I really can.”

Lark: “Good! I’ll dance the last one with you, okay?”

Sephiroth: “Okay!” *cough* “But consider it a privilege, woman, that you’re being allowed to dance with me.”

Lark: “Okay, Sephy.” *she leaves*

(Ashley, Noelle and shell go over to their gw guys)

Ashley: “Hey, babe.”

Duo: “Hi.”

Ashley: “You wanna dance the last one with me?”

Duo: “Of course!”

Shell: “You look sad, Trowa.”

Trowa: “Yeah…”

Shell: “I’ll dance with you to the last song. Right now I’m going to dance with Wufei.”

Wufei: “What?!”

Shell: “Come on, Wu-chan.” *drags him off to the dance floor*

Noelle: “Quatre, you’ll dance with me to the last song, right?”

Quatre: “Of course!”

Noelle: “Great! See ya then!” *goes back to reno*

Reno: “Hey, Irvine, whadda think?”

Irvine: “I think it’s a success.”

Noelle: “Hey! What did I tell you boys about getting drunk without me?!”

Zell: “Squall…Lark dumped me.”

Squall: “Whatever…I mean, I’m sorry.”

Rinoa: “Are you okay, Zell?

Zell: *shrugs* “Yeah. At least I made the other guys jealous for awhile.”

(the last song starts to play, westlife’s “swear it again”. Ashley goes with duo, Noelle does with quatre, shell goes with rude, treize goes with zechs, squall goes with rinoa, cloud goes with tifa, yuffie goes with cid, quistis goes with irvine, selphie goes with zell, tseng goes with elena, reeve goes with bria, and lark goes with sephiroth)

Reno: “This sucks! We got dumped for the last song!”

Seifer: “Well we still did better than the other guys.”

Lark: “You do dance very nicely, Sephiroth.”

Sephiroth: *grins* “Of course.”

Barret: “Yo! This sucks, catdog! Cid’s gone off and danced with that materia girl!”

Red: “I don’t care.”

Tifa: “I love you, Cloud.”

Cloud: “Huh?”

Zechs: “…Treize, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t talk about other guys so often around you.”

Treize: “I’m sorry for being so mean about it, Zechs. I shouldn’t let it get to me.”

Zechs: “It’s all right. I understand.”

Wufei: “HEY EVERYONE ON THE DANCE FLOOR! YOU ALL SUCK!”

Heero: *hits Wufei in the back of the head, knocking him to the floor* “I’ve always wanted to do that.”

THE END