#20 – Nida’s Night Out

Nida: “Shut up, bitch! You’re a drunken whore!”

Originally Published: 7/24/00 . 16 pages

Nida is thrilled when Scarlet agrees to go out with him. Meanwhile, Lark and Zell run into the not so happy couple – but little do they know they’re being watched!

Ramble Milestones
Nothing this time.

The first star worthy ramble, and there are three things about this ramble that make it classic worthy: Nida and Scarlet’s not-so-romantic dialouge, drunk Sephiroth, and, of course, Heidegger playing the violin. We never see him playing it again. He probably sat on it and crushed it to bits at one point.

There are several classic lines from this ramble as well, including Sephiroth’s drunken “I just wanna become one with the planet, man” and Nida’s line which I used as the quote to represent this ramble. He’s such a sweet talker.

Nida’s first date with Scarlet didn’t really end well, but it was the beginning of a long time crush he had for years to come.

(Nida sits alone in the room he, heidegger, hojo and scarlet always hang out in. there’s just a single beat up couch, a crappy tv with broken antennae and counters filled with crap hojo fiddles around with)

Nida: *heaves a sad sigh* “This sucks…no one will go out with me! Quistis is starting to avoid me.” *pause* “Let’s see…who is there… Lark hates my guts, and so does Ashley. Noelle and Shell don’t hate me, but they would never be caught dead with me. Bria and Rinoa are taken, Tifa loves that loser Cloud, Selphie and Yuffie scare me, Elena is attached to that Tseng guy, and Scarlet….” *thinks, suddenly his face lights up* “Hey, what about Scarlet? Sure she’s a bossy, slutty super bitch, but she’s been branded as an outcast by them too! Those two guys she likes hate her guts! I’ll ask her out!”

Heidegger: *peeking in* “Gya haa haa!”

Nida: “Hey, Heidegger! Do you think Scarlet would go out with me?”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! I doubt it!”

Nida: *glares* “What do you know, you fat turd!?”

(scarlet comes in with hojo)

Scarlet: “No, I do not want to try out your new potion! It could kill me!”

Hojo: “True…” *thinks* “Perhaps I can slip it into someone else’s drink.”

Nida: *jumps off the couch and runs over to scarlet* “Hiya, Scarlet.”

Scarlet: *looks at him in surprised* “Hey, kid.”

Nida: “Hey, I was thinking, if you’re not busy tomorrow, maybe you would want to go out to dinner with me.”

Scarlet: “You want me to go out with you?”

Nida: *nods* “Yup.”

Scarlet: “You want *me* to go out with *you*.”

Nida: “What’s wrong with me? I drive the Garden!”

Scarlet: “I don’t know….”

Nida: “What’s so great about you, bitch! No one likes you either!”

Scarlet: *glares* “Fine.”

Nida: “Is that a yes.?”

Scarlet: “Yes.”

Nida: *jumps into the air* “Whoo hoo! I’ll go make the reservations right now!”

Scarlet: *looks shocked* “You mean you’re not taking me to McDonalds or something?”

Nida: “Nope. I stole some of Squall’s pay! It was just lying around and he turned his head cause Zell was doing something stupid.”

Scarlet: “Hmmm….maybe you’re not so bad after all….”

(Meanwhile, in the *real* ramble room….lark, zell and sephiroth are hanging out. lark and zell are embraced on the couch, and sephiroth sits unhappily at the table, eyeing them)

Lark: “You know, Zell, we haven’t really been on a real date yet.”

Zell: *thinks* “You’re right! I’m sorry, babe, it’s just that Squall always takes all my money.”

Lark: “Why’s that?”

Zell: *frowns* “He says I’ll spend it all on comics.”

Lark: “Aw!” *runs her fingers through zell’s hair* “Well, I think it’s time you took responsibility for your own money, don’t you think?”

Zell: “Yeah! I’ll get it back from Squall and take you out to a nice restaurant tomorrow. How’s that sound?”

Lark: “Great!” *kisses zell*

Sephiroth: “You know, if you need a chaperone, I’m available.”

Lark: *glares at sephy* “Sephy, you’re lucky I agreed to let you sit there.”

Sephiroth: *mumbles* “Stupid Zell….steals my girl.”

Lark: “Huh? What was that?”

Sephiroth: “Nothing….”

Zell: “I’ll go talk to Squall right now. Be right back.” *kisses lark and leaves*

Lark: *gives sephy a look* “Sephy, I don’t want you to follow me on my date tomorrow. You’re not my brother!”

Sephiroth: *to himself* “Thank the planet…” *out loud* “What makes you think I’d do something like that?”

Lark: “Sephiroth, I know you, and I know you want to protect me. I don’t need it. Zell’s nothing I can’t handle.” *raises eyebrows seductively*

Sephiroth: *melts* “Yeah….”

Lark: “Anyway, while I’m gone it will give you a chance to torture everyone here.” *goes over to him* “I know you like that.”

Sephiroth: *sighs* “Yeah….”

Lark: “Great! Hmmm…now what should I wear tomorrow?” *thinks* “You want to help me pick it out, Sephy?”

Sephiroth: *too eagerly* “Sure!” *cough* “I mean….why not…I don’t have anything else to do.”

Zell: *runs back in, waving gil* “Look, Squall gave it back! I explained the whole thing, and Squall just said ‘whatever’ and handed it over!”

Sephiroth: *mutters* “Big surprise.”

Zell: “Plus, Rinoa recommended a really good restaurant. She said she’d make reservations for us.”

Lark: “How nice of her!”

Zell: “Yeah.”

Lark: “Well, Sephy and I are going to find me something to wear tomorrow, okay?”

Zell: “Can’t I help?”

Lark: *sexy smile* “No! It has to be a…surprise.”

Zell: *arches eyebrows* “Okay…” *grins*

Sephiroth: *frowns and grab lark by the wrist* “Come on.” *pulls her towards the door*

Lark: *blows zell a kiss* “Bye, honey!”

Zell: *blows a kiss back* “Bye, babe!”

(back in lark’s room…sephiroth sits on the bed, waiting for lark to emerge, she finally does in a sexy little black dress)

Lark: *grins* “How about this?”

Sephiroth: *crosses his legs, trying not to drool* “Uh…..no.”

Lark: *frowns* “What’s wrong with it?”

Sephiroth: “It’s too…….too much skin.”

Lark: “What’s wrong with too much skin?” *looks at herself in the mirror* “Am I too fat or something? Do I not have a nice figure?”

Sephiroth: *too eagerly* “NO!…it’s just….too…..much.”

Lark: *gives sephy a look* “Sephiroth, he’s my *boyfriend*. It can’t be too much.”

Sephiroth: “There must be something better.” *goes over to her closet and pulls out a long black skirt and a loose, high cut fancy tank top* “Now this is nice.”

Lark: *makes a disgusted face* “Sephiroth! I never wear those clothes! Especially not on a date! They’re too concealing!”

Sephiroth: *mutters* “Exactly.”

Lark: *shakes her head* “I’m wearing this dress no matter what you think.” *goes back into the bathroom*

Sephiroth: *tears and his hair, muttering* “It’s just not fair!” *he looks around, trying to find something to distract himself with* “Damn….I’m going to spy on them tomorrow, no matter *what* Lark says….”

(the next day….nida and scarlet meet up. nida wears his SeeD uniform, and scarlet has a fashionably cut red dress)

Nida: “Hey, Scarlet. You look less like a skanky ‘ho tonight.”

Scarlet: *frowns* “Why the hell you wearing your SeeD uniform, prick?”

Nida: *looks at the floor* “It was the fanciest thing in my closet.”

Scarlet: “Well, let’s go. I’m driving.”

Nida: “Hey! Are you trying to take charge!?”

Scarlet: “Yes.” *leaves*

Nida: *slips heidegger ten gil* “Make the song something nice and slow.”

Heidegger: *pockets the money* “Gya haa haa! You got it!”

Nida: *runs out the door* “Hey, you know we’re splitting the check, right?”

(Meanwhile….Lark and Zell are leaving the ramble room. sephiroth’s watching them from around the corner)

Sephiroth: “Hmmm….now I just need someone I can manipulate to join me.”

Cloud: *walks by, scratching his head* “Where am I?”

Sephiroth: *groans* “Ugh…I guess he’ll have to do.” *grabs cloud’s wrist and starts dragging him towards the door*

Cloud: “Are you kidnapping me?”

Sephiroth: “Does it make a difference?”

Cloud: “Huh?”

(At the restaurant….Scarlet and Nida arrive first)

Nida: *looks a little sick* “You sure drive fast.”

Scarlet: “I was only going 80.”

Nida: “Right.” *goes to the hostess* “Hello. Nida, party of 2?”

Hostess: “Right this way, sir.” *takes out two menus and heads into the restaurant*

Nida: *excitedly to scarlet* “Sir! She called me sir!”

Scarlet: *dryly* “What a thrill.”

(they get seated. meanwhile lark and zell enter the restaurant, arm in arm)

Lark: “This looks like a nice place.”

Zell: *gulp* “Looks expensive…” *quickly adds* “Not that I don’t have the money to spend on you, babe!” *goes up to the hostess* “Reservation for Dincht?”

Hostess: “Right this way.” *takes two menus and goes into the restaurant. she heads right for the table next to scarlet and nida*

Zell: “Hey, is that….??”

Lark: *pales* “Scarlet and Nida?!”

(they look over)

Scarlet: “*You*?!”

Nida: “Dincht?!”

(lark and zell sit, glaring at them)

Lark: “What are you two doing here?”

Nida: “For your information we’re on a date.”

Lark: *restrains laughter* “Geez, Scarlet, I thought you had better standards.”

Scarlet: *sneers* “Funny. I thought the same of you.”

Lark: *glares* “You dissin’ my boyfriend, slut?”

Scarlet: “Takes one to know one!”

Zell: “Don’t talk to my girlfriend like that, whore!”

Nida: “Don’t say that to my…uh…don’t say that to Scarlet!”

(Sephiroth enters the restaurant with a delirious cloud and peeks inside)

Sephiroth: “Ah ha! There they are!” *squints* “Is that *Scarlet* and *Nida* together?” *shudders* “Good. Now she’ll be too grossed out by those two rejects to think about sex!”

Cloud: *peeking in* “Huh?”

Sephiroth: *pushes cloud’s head out of the way, thoroughly annoyed* “Cloud….please.”

Cloud: “Who are you?”

Sephiroth: “I control you.”

Cloud: *slowly* “Oh………….”

Hostess: “Excuse me, sir. Do you and your boyfriend wish to be seated?”

Sephiroth: *hand to his head, mumbles* “Why does everyone think I go the other way!” *looks at her* “Lady, I’m not gay, and if I was, I wouldn’t be with *that* anyway.” *points at cloud*

Cloud: *scratches his head* “You don’t love me?”

Sephiroth: *under his breath* “Oh the planet help me…” *eyebrow twitches* “Yeah, please seat us, but far away from those couples over there.” *points to lark, zell, scarlet and nida*

Hostess: “Very well.” *heads inside*

Sephiroth: *grabs cloud’s wrist* “Come on, Cloud.” *drags him in* “I feel like I’m babysitting….”

(meanwhile, across the room…)

Lark: *sighs* “Look, we could go on arguing all night, but all I know is that I want to enjoy the evening. Can we agree not to bother each other?”

Nida: “Fine. Just try and keep your big mouth shut.”

Zell *starts to flip out* “Why don’t you keep *your* big mouth shut, Nida?!”

Lark: *puts a hand on zell’s shoulder* “It’s okay, Zell.” *glare at them* “They won’t bother us, and we won’t bother them.”

(meanwhile…back across the room)

Sephiroth: *peering over his menu* “Hmmm…I wonder what they’re talking about….”

Cloud: “Who?” *goes to stand up*

Sephiroth: *grabs his wrist and jerks him back down* “Over there, you idiot!”

Cloud: “Huh?” *looks* “Oh….”

Sephiroth: *thinks* Hmmmm….I need something to make him less of an idiot…. *lightbulb, calls a waiter over* “Excuse me, we’d like a bottle of wine, please.”

Waiter: “Two glasses?”

Sephiroth: “No, just one.”

Waiter: “Okay.” *writes it down and leaves*

Sephiroth: *smiles evilly* “Heh heh….”

Cloud: “What’s so funny?”

(meanwhile…a waiter has come over to scarlet and nida’s table)

Waiter: “Would you like anything to drink?”

Scarlet: “Yeah, bring me some vodka.”

Nida: *gulp* “Uh…that’s kinda strong, isn’t it?”

Scarlet: *sips water* “Yeah, I’m gonna need it.”

Nida: *sweat drops* “Uh….I’ll just have a coke.”

(the waiter goes over the lark and zell)

Waiter: “Something to drink?”

Lark: “I’ll just have a sprite.”

Zell: “Make that two.”

(waiter leaves)

Scarlet: *snorts* “Weenies.”

Nida: “Hey! I’m drinking soda!”

Scarlet: “You’re a weenie too.”

Nida: “Shut up, bitch! You’re a drunken whore!”

Lark: *hiding her face from the other table* “I’m *so* glad we’re not like them.”

Zell: *mouths* “Me too.”

(meanwhile…back to sephy….the wine has arrived.)

Sephiroth: *not bothering with the glass, just hands the whole bottle to cloud* “Here. Drink up.”

Cloud: “All of it?”

Sephiroth: “Yes! I need you drunk!”

Cloud: “Okay….” *starts drinking, but then stops* “Don’t you want any?”

Sephiroth: “No! You get drunk, I stay sober, and everyone’s perfectly happy.” *pause* “Unless she makes a move on that Zell jerk, in which case nobody’s happy.”

Cloud: “Huh?”

Sephiroth: *glares at him* “I SAID DRINK!”

Cloud: “Eep!” *starts chugging it down again*

(back over on the other side, the drinks arrive)

Scarlet: *as she’s getting her drink* “Better bring me another right away.”

Nida: “But you didn’t even drink that yet!”

Scarlet: “I’m gonna need it.” *starts chugging it down*

Nida: “Oh dear….”

(meanwhile, cloud finishes the bottle as sephy watches eagerly)

Sephiroth: “Well, Cloud….do you have anything to say?”

Cloud: *blinks* “Why hello there, Sephiroth.”

Sephiroth: *claps his hands together happily* “Yes! Muhahahahahahahahaha! I will become one with the–” *stops and thinks for a moment* “Wait….that’s not the right line….”

Cloud: “Hmmmm…..I sense sinister plans afoot.”

(meanwhile, back at the other tables….)

Nida: *checks his watch* “Where is that jerk?”

Scarlet: *on her third glass* “You mean there’s another jerk besides you?”

Nida: “I’m going to pretend that’s the alcohol talking.” *mutters* “Bitch.”

(lark and zell stare over at them)

Nida: *turns to them and snaps* “What the hell’s your problem? Can’t you see we’re having a good time?!”

Scarlet: *as a 4th glass is delivered to her* “Speak for yourself.” *drinks it down*

Lark: “Nida, I think your date is trying to drink herself into a drunken stuper.”

Nida: “Shut up, slut! She is not!”

Scarlet: *snorts* “Right….”


Cloud: “What is it you wish me to do?”

Sephiroth: “You have to go spy on Lark and Zell.”

Cloud: “Why must I spy?”

Sephiroth: “Because I need to know what they’re talking about!”

Cloud: *thinks* “Hmmm…sounds reasonable.”

Sephiroth: *ready to explode* “Of COURSE it sounds reasonable!! Besides, you haven’t got a choice, puppet boy! I’m in control here!”

Cloud: “You seem to be a bit of a control freak.”

Sephiroth: *through clenched teeth* “Go or I’ll slash Tifa’s head open again.”

Cloud: “You are quite evil.”

Sephiroth: *yells* “GO!”

Cloud: *getting up* “Very well. I’m going.” *he walks off*

Sephiroth: *hiding behind the menu, with just his eyes peering over the top* “Heh heh heh….”


Nida: *growing more impatient* “That moron! Ugh. I should have known he’d be late.”

Scarlet: *on her sixth glass* “Whatever. You’re boring.”

Nida: “Shut up, you skanky ‘ho! All you’re doing is getting drunk and you call *me* boring??”

Scarlet: “….yes.”

(finally heidegger comes over with a violin)

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! Here I am!”

Nida: *smiles* “Finally!”

Lark: *whispers to zell* “They’re multiplying!”

Scarlet: *in disbelief* “You hired *Heidegger* to play the violin?”

Nida: “Sure! He says he plays great, right?”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! Right!”

Nida: “Play!”

(heidegger begins to play)

Nida: *starts off grinning, but his smile soon fades* “Are you playing ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb’?”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! It’s the only song I know!”

Nida: “You said you could play the violin, you jerk!”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! I can! One song!”

Nida: *buries his head in his hands* “Oh boy…”

Scarlet: *gets delivered her seventh drink* “I think I’ll continue drinking myself somewhere else. Get outta here, Heidegger.”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! Bye bye!” *leaves*

Nida: “Wait!” *glares at scarlet* “I paid ten bucks for him to play!”

Scarlet: “I was not about to listen to that moron play ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb’ over and over so you could get your ten bucks worth.”

Nida: “Skanky ‘ho!”

Scarlet: “Useless prick!”

Nida: “I am *not* useless! I drive the Garden!”

Lark: *watching the unfolding scene in horror* “You know what, Zell?”

Zell: *also watching* “What?”

Lark: *grins and turns to whispers to him* “I think it would be better if we left here and…..” *wink*

Zell: *grins* “Sure! Let’s go!” *leaves ten gil on the table and they walk out*

Scarlet: *seeing them leave* “I think they have the right idea.” *gets up*

Nida: “What?”

Scarlet: “Nida….it’s been fun.” *pause* “Wait. No it hasn’t.” *walks out*

Nida: “Scarlet! Wait! Who’s gonna pay for all this! I thought we agreed to split the bill?” *pause* “I agreed to split the bill! I don’t want to spend my hard earned money on your liquor!”

(meanwhile….cloud reports back to sephiroth)

Sephiroth: “Back already?! I told you to stay there.”

Cloud: “But they left.”

Sephiroth: “THEY LEFT?!”

Cloud: “Yes. She whispered something in his ear, he grinned and they left.”

Sephiroth: *burying his head in his hands* “It’s just not fair, dammit!”

Cloud: *sits* “Is something wrong?”

Sephiroth: “Order me some wine.”

Cloud: “What year would you like?”

Sephiroth: “I don’t CARE! JUST ORDER IT!”

Cloud: “Touchy touchy.”

(later….Cloud walks into the ramble room, dragging a drunk sephiroth)

Sephiroth: “….and you know, I just can’t win. You killed me, she won’t date me…”

Cloud: “I didn’t mean it.”

Sephiroth: “I just wanted to become one with the planet, man! Is that so much for a guy to ask?”

Cloud: “Actually….yes.”

Sephiroth: “Shu’ up.”

(lark comes out of the ramble room wearing’s zell’s shirt)

Lark: “What’s going on out here?”

Sephiroth: “Lark!” *runs and hugs her*

Cloud: “He had a bit too much to drink.”

Lark: “Hmmm…seems you both did. Sephiroth, I think you should come lie down.” *starts dragging him down the hallway*

Sephiroth: “Lark, did I ever tell ya how much I love you?”

Lark: *laughs* “Right, Sephy. Boy, you really are drunk, aren’t you?”

Sephiroth: “No, I’m serious!”

Lark: “Right.”

Sephiroth: “Don’t make me summon meteor!”

Lark: “Yes, honey. Meteor.” *they leave*

Cloud: “Hmmm…I’m beginning to think Sephiroth has a thing for her.”


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