#19 – Sephy the Stalker

Zell: “How would you like to be stalked? He’s a weird one! He could come out of the ceiling or something!”

Originally Published: 7/19/00 . 13 pages

Synopsis
When Lark and Zell start dating, a certain someone doesn’t take it well…

Ramble Milestones
Nothing this time.

I’ve always really liked Zell, probably why I decied to have Lark date him in the rambles. Having said that, this ramble is pretty blah. I enjoy bodyguard Seifer running for the hills when threatened by Sephiroth, however.

(Zell, Irvine, Sephiroth, Reno, Rude, Rufus, Squall, and Seifer are in the ramble room, just hanging out. Zell seems deep in thought)

Seifer: “So, Reno. What did you do after the anime awards?”

Reno: *sweat drops* “Uh…..” *looks at rude* “Nothing. Right, Rude?”

Rude: “….right.”

Sephiroth: “Don’t even mention it!” *covers his ears*

Irvine: “What the hell’s wrong with you?”

Reno: *gives sephy frantic ‘shut the hell up’ signs*

Sephiroth: “….never mind.”

Zell: *out of nowhere* “I think I should ask Lark out.”

(dead silence)

Irvine: “What?!”

Reno: “Are you joking?!”

(everyone laughs)

Zell: “What’s so funny?”

Sephiroth: “Grrrrr….” *glares at zell*

Seifer: “She would never date a chicken-wuss!”

Reno: “I don’t think so either, man.”

Zell: “Hey! I think she’d go out with me, don’t you think, Squall?”

Squall: “Whatever.”

Zell: *determined* “Well I’m gonna do it anyway!”

Irvine: “Go ahead and waste your time.”

Rufus: “I really don’t think you should.”

Sephiroth: *darkly* “Me neither.”

Zell: “Too bad!” *runs out of the room*

Irvine: “Don’t worry you two. She’s not going to go out with Zell when she has us around.” *grins*

Reno: “You seem pretty confident, Kinneas.”

Irvine: “I am.”

(meanwhile….Lark, Ashley, Noelle and Lizzie are sitting outside)

Ashley: “So, Lark, what did you end up doing after the anime awards?”

Lark: “I spent half the time trying to revive Sephiroth.”

Lizzie: “Ack! What happened to my poor Sephy!”

Lark: “Uh……………………………………nothing.”

Noelle: “Then why did he faint?”

Lark: “Forget it.” *pause* “What did you guys do?”

Ashley: “…what do you think?”

Lark: “Forget I asked.”

Lizzie: *mumbles* “I wasn’t invited.”

Lark: “You can go next year.”

Ashley: “It wasn’t that fun anyway. Not with Seifer complaining the whole damn time!”

Lizzie: “But you’re surrounded by hot guys all night!  And then there’s the…activities…afterwards….”

Ashley and Noelle: *giggle*

Lark: “Hey, well, I didn’t do anything that fun afterwards.”

Ashley: “So….nothing happened with Sephiroth?”

Lark: *quickly* “NO!”

Lizzie: *looks skeptical and angry*

Zell: *comes running out* “Hey everyone!”

Ashley: “Hi, Zell!”

Zell: “Hi….uh…can I speak with Lark for a minute?” *girls stare blankly at him* “Uh…privately?”

Noelle: “Oh. Fine.” *they get up and go inside*

Lark: “What’s up, Zell?”

Zell: *sits next to her* “Uh….I was wondering something.”

Lark: “What?”

Zell: *quietly* “Uh………..will you…..uh….go out with me?”

Lark: “Zell, are you asking me to be your girlfriend?!”

Zell: *quieter* “Yes….”

Lark: *happily* “Sure!”

Zell: *looks up in surprise* “Yes?!”

Lark: *nods*

Zell: *jumps to his feet, fist in the air* “Whoo hoo!!”

Lark: *gets up and giggles* “You’re so cute, Zell.”

Ashley: *comes running outside with the other girls* “What’s going on?!”

Zell: *puts an arm around lark* “We’re going out!”

(silence)

Lizzie: “…does that mean Sephy’s free?”

Ashley: “Oh….”

Noelle: “…..nice.”

Lark: *frowns* “What’s wrong? Aren’t you happy?!”

Ashley: “Sure!”

Noelle: “Yeah!”

Lizzie: “Yup!”

Zell: “I’m going to run and tell the guys. Be right back.” *runs inside*

Ashley: “You’re going out with Zell!?”

Lark: “What? What’s wrong with Zell? I thought you liked him!”

Ashley: “Yeah, sure. But not like *that*. He’s not boyfriend material.”

Noelle: “Agreed.”

Lizzie: “He’s cute…..I guess.”

Lark: *frowns* “I thought you guys would take this better….”

(meanwhile…Zell runs into the ramble room, waving his arms around)

Zell: “SHE SAID YES!”

(everyone stops dead)

Irvine: *hisses* “What?”

Reno: *drops his beer* “She said *what*?!”

Zell: “She said YES! Isn’t this great?!”

(sephiroth passes out)

Rufus: “Oh no! She’s couldn’t have said yes!”

Zell: “Ha ha!”

Seifer: “Just goes to show you what lousy taste she has.”

Zell: “Hey! You’re just jealous cause Ashley won’t go out with you.”

Seifer: *glares* “Shut up.”

Squall: “Uh….congratulations, Zell.”

Zell: “Thanks, Squall! You’re my only true friend!”

Rude: “Um…what happened to Sephiroth?”

Reno: *looks down, sees sephy and laughs* “Wait! Let me get my camera!” *runs off*

Irvine: *kicks him* “Get up, you big jerk.”

Sephiroth: *comes to, a hand to his head* “Did I hear what I *think* I heard?”

Zell: “I’m going out with Lark!”

Sephiroth: “Oh god…” *passes out again*

Irvine: *shakes his head sadly* “Pathetic.”

Reno: *coming back with his camera* “Say cheese!” *snaps a few pictures of sephiroth passed out* “Heh heh.”

(Lark walks into the ramble room with Ashley, Noelle and Lizzie)

Lark: “Hey, everyone!”

Zell: “Hi, honey!”

Rufus: “You’re going out with him?!”

Lark: “Yup!”

Rufus: *mutters* “Damn…I was still going on the hope he was making it up.”

Lizzie: *looks around for sephy* “Hey! What’s he doing on the floor!?”

Reno: *snaps more pictures* “Who cares? This is gold!”

Seifer: “Hey, Ashley! You wanna go out with me?”

Ashley: “No!”

Seifer: *frowns* “Ooh…..”

Lark: *goes over to sephy and kneels down* “Sephy? Are you okay?”

Sephiroth: *sits up like nothing happens, grabs her shoulder and shakes her* “You’re going out with ZELL!?!?”

Lark: “Ow! Yes! Why are you so upset about it??”

(irvine, rufus and reno exchange a look)

Sephiroth: *frowns, glares at zell* “This sucks.” *walks out of the room*

Lark: “What’s his problem?”

Lizzie: *glares at lark and then looks after sephy* “Wait!” *runs out*

Lark: *shrugs* “Well at least I’m happy about it.”

Zell: “Me too!”

Everyone else: “Hmmmmm…..”


(the next day. lark and zell are making out on the couch in the ramble room. no one else is in there, until sephiroth walks in the just stands in the doorway, glaring)

Lark: *gives him a silent, go away sign*

Sephiroth: “Grrrrr…..”

Lark: *breaks away from zell* “Sephiroth! Do you mind?!”

Sephiroth: *crosses his arms and glares*

Lark: “What? What is it?”

Sephiroth: “Nothing.”

Lark: *gives him a strange look* “Okay…..” *goes back to kissing zell*

Sephiroth: *doesn’t budge. clenches his fists and glares*

Lark: *breaks away again* “SEPHIROTH!!! GO AWAY!”

Sephiroth: “Grrrrr….” *turns and leaves*

Zell: “Geez, what’s *his* problem?”

Lark: *shrugs* “Who cares?”

(Meanwhile…..Ashley, Lizzie, Reno, Irvine, Rufus, Noelle, Reeve and Seifer are all outside, just talking)

Irvine: *to reeve and rufus* “Geez, we got really drunk after the awards, huh?”

Rufus: “I couldn’t even remember my own name!”

Reeve: *mutters* “Not my proudest 3 hours….”

Seifer: “Why won’t you go out with me, Ashley?”

Ashley: *sighs* “Seifer….I like you, but you haven’t done anything to convince me I should.”

Seifer: “Hmmm….” *thinks*

(Sephiroth storms out, looking rather…unhappy.)

Lizzie: “SEPHY!”

Sephiroth: “I am not in a good mood.”

(everyone takes a step away from him)

Rufus: “Why? What happened?”

Irvine: “Speaking of which, did you find Lark and Zell?”

Sephiroth: “They’re…” *twitch* “…inside…” *twitch*

Lizzie: “Is something wrong, Sephy? Why are you spasming?”

Sephiroth: *twitch* “I have to go.” *he leaves*

Rufus: *frowns* “Looks like no one’s thrilled with the idea of Lark and Zell.”

Reeve: “I think they’re cute together.” *everyone glares at him* “What?”

Reno: “Who cares? Thanks to them I got some great blackmail pictures of Sephiroth!”

Ashley: “What’s up with him, anyway? Why is he flipping out over this?”

(guys exchange looks)

Irvine: “Should we…uh…tell her?”

Ashley: “Tell me what?”

Reno: “I don’t know…what do you think, Rufus?”

Rufus: “It’s up to you.”

Ashley: “WHAT?!”

Reno: *takes a deep breath* “Sephiroth….well…he kind of has a *small* crush on Lark.”

Irvine: “A *small* crush! Reno, don’t you think that’s putting it a little lightly?”

Reno: “Yes.”

Ashley: “He does??”

Noelle: “Sephiroth??”

Lizzie: *mutters* “Typical.”

Ashley: “Oh, I get it now.”

Reno: “Don’t tell her! It’s more fun when she doesn’t have a clue!”

Noelle: “Don’t worry.”

Lizzie: “We won’t.”


(a day later…lark is alone in the ramble room, writing something at the table. suddenly zell comes running in, out of breath, slamming the door behind him and leaning against it)

Zell: “Help me!”

Lark: “What’s wrong?”

Zell: “I think Sephiroth is trying to kill me!!”

Lark: “What?” *goes over to zell* “Why?”

Zell: “I don’t know! But he came at me with his–his–“

Lark: “Sword?”

Zell: “Yeah!! And I mean, I’m tough and all that, but I can’t go against that!”

Lark: “Poor Zell!” *hugs him*

Zell: “What should I do?”

Lark: “I’ll talk to Sephiroth. But until this is settled….I don’t know.”

Zell: “Maybe I should get a bodyguard.”

Lark: “….I don’t know if there’s anyone willing to protect you from Sephiroth. I mean, it would have to be someone who’s pretty cocky and looking for someone to impress…” *a thought strikes her and she looks at zell*

Both: “Seifer.”

(zell goes with lark to talk to seifer)

Lark: “Hey, Seifer! How are ya?”

Seifer: *pouts* “Not good. Ashley *still* won’t go out with me!”

Lark: “Really? Well, I think she might if….”

Seifer: *jumps to his feet* “What?!”

Lark: “If you were Zell’s bodyguard for a few days.”

Seifer: “What?! Chicken wuss needs a bodyguard?!” *pauses* “I’m not surprised.”

Zell: “Shut your trap, Seifer!”

Lark: “Yeah…you see…Sephiroth is kind of…trying to kill him, so if you could be the manly masculine manly man that you are and protect him, and I’m sure Ashley will reconsider dating you.”

Seifer: *thinks* “Hmmm….I guess so. All right. I’ll protect chicken wuss.”

Zell: “Stop calling me that!”

Seifer: “No.”

(a short while later…zell and seifer are walking around in the hallways. zell walks in back of seifer, looking around nervously)

Seifer: “Stop being so paranoid! I’ll protect ya, you stupid chicken wuss!”

Zell: “How would you like to be stalked? He’s a weird one! He could come out of the ceiling or something!”

Seifer: *laughs* “Right….”

(irvine comes up behind zell)

Irvine: “Hi, Zell.”

Zell: *screams and spins around ready to attack* “I have a bodyguard!”

Irvine: “Whoa, man! I was just sayin’ howdy!”

Zell: “Oh! Irvine! It’s just you! Sorry. Sephiroth is after me, so I’m a little…”

Seifer: “Paranoid.”

Irvine: *frowns* “Oh. That sucks. Well, see ya later.” *he leaves*

(zell and seifer turn around and start walking again. zell feels a tap on his shoulder)

Zell: “Irvine, I thought you were–” *turns around*

Sephiroth: *evil smile* “Hello, Zell.”

Zell: “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
*runs behind seifer* “I have a bodyguard!!!”

Sephiroth: “Hmm. Two victims.”

Seifer: *trembling in fear* “Uh….um….bye, Zell!” *runs off*

Zell: “SEIFER!! YOU SUCK!!”

Sephiroth: *frowns* “Damn. I was looking forward to two corpses.”

Zell: *trembling* “Please let me live!”

Sephiroth: “Uh……..no.” *raises his sword*

Lark: “SEPHIROTH!”

Sephiroth: *freezes* “Damn.”

Lark: *marches over looking very mad* “Sephiroth! Leave Zell alone!”

Sephiroth: *puts the masamune away* “Uh…I was just kidding, Lark.”

Zell: “No you weren’t, ya big liar!”

Lark: “Sephy, I’m very mad and disappointed in you.”

Sephiroth: *frowns and looks at the floor*

Lark: “Apologize to Zell right now!”

Sephiroth: *sighs* “Sorry, Zell.”

Lark: “Tell him you’ll never do it again.”

Sephiroth: *mumbles* “I’ll never do it again.”

Zell: “Apology accepted. But stop staring at my girlfriend!”

Lark: “What?”

Sephiroth: “I have not been…staring.” *pause* “I gotta go.” *disappears*

Lark: “Well that’s settled.”

Zell: “Yup.”

Lark: “What happened to Seifer?”

Zell: “He ran off screaming like a baby.”

Lark: “So much for him going out with Ashley.”

Zell: “So…..wanna go make out?”

Lark: “Sure!” *they go off*

THE END

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