#17 – It’s All About Zell

Seifer: “That’s right. Nobody’s dropping out! Anyone who drops out gets their name in the club title too!”

Originally Published: 7/15/00 . 15 pages

Seifer starts a We Hate Zell Club! Can Lark get the club to disband?

Ramble Milestones
Nothing this time.

I actually rather like this one,although I think Seifer is probably the smartest he’s ever been or ever will be in this ramble. I’ve never been the biggest fan of Seifer, which probably shows in the way I portray him – as a pretty much a brainless, cowardly bully. Anyway, even though this may be another one of those simple rambles, it manages to be pretty amusing from start to finish. I enjoy Rufus getting caught in the laminating machine.

(Zell, Sephiroth, Irvine, Squall, Rufus, Reno, Reeve and Seifer *author’s note: are you seeing a pattern here? I tend to use the same ff guys over and over again. oh well. can’t get sick of them!* are all in the ramble room. Sephiroth’s got the couch, and is laying down on it. Rufus, and Irvine are sitting on the floor trying to think of a way to get him off, squall’s sitting at the table, looking bored, his head in his hands, Reno is trying to get Reeve to tell him all the details of his date with Bria, Seifer’s sitting at the table with Squall, trying to piss him off, and Zell’s punching air)

Reno: “Come on, Reeve! What happened after that?”

Reeve: *looks uncomfortable* “Come on, Reno. This isn’t the kind of stuff you *share*.”

Reno: “Sure it is!”

Rufus: *whispers to irvine* “How about one of us shoots him, and the other person claims the couch while he tries to get bloody revenge?” *pause* “You can do it.”

Irvine: *shakes head* “You think I’m *that* dumb? Why don’t *you* do it?”

Rufus: *sweat drops* “Uh….let’s think of something else.”

Seifer: “Hey, Squall!”

Squall: *sighs in annoyance* “What, Seifer?”

Seifer: “You suck!” *laughs hysterically.”

Squall: *rolls his eyes* “Whatever.”

Zell: *goes over to seifer, still punching air* “Hey, leave Squall alone, man!”

Seifer: *snorts* “What are *you*? His bodyguard, chicken wuss?” *laughs*

Zell: *still punching air* “What, you wanna fight?! I’ll fight ya, come on!”

Seifer: “Don’t waste my time!”

Zell: “And you call *me* a chicken wuss?”

Seifer: *glares at him and gets up* “I am *not* chicken!” *takes out gunblade*

Sephiroth: *sits up* “I sense fighting!”

Rufus: *points* “Look! There’s space on the couch!!” *he and irvine run over and try to both cram into the tiny space behind sephiroth*

Irvine: “Move over, Rufus! You’re squishing me!”

Rufus: “No, you’re squishing me!”

Sephiroth: “Ow, my back! Get off the couch you morons!”

Reno: “Would you guys all shut up? Reeve’s just getting to the good part!”

Irvine: “The good part of what?”

Reeve: *blushes* “Nothing…”

Reno: *loudly* “His date!”

Irvine: “Ooh!” *goes over to them* “I wanna hear too!”

Rufus: *sighs in relief* “Ah, room at last….”

Zell: “Come on! Bring it on, Seifer!”

Seifer: “I think I’ll slash that tattoo right off your stupid, ugly face!”

Zell: “Just try!”

Sephiroth: “Kill him!”

Seifer: “Heh heh….might wanna ask Squall how much he liked getting his face slashed open.”

Zell: *looks worried* “Uh…Squall?”

Squall: *twitches* “Pain.”

Zell: *backs up* “I gotta go.” *runs out of the room*

Seifer: *laughs* “I hate that jerk! Stupid chicken wuss. Thinks he’s great.” *sits down* “No one actually likes him….” *thinks*

Irvine: “Come on, Reeve!”

Reno: “Yeah, we’re friends!”

Reeve: “I’m really very uncomfortable with this whole thing…..”

Sephiroth: “This sucks! No one ever fights around here.” *turns around to see rufus is behind him* “Hey! Get the hell off the couch!”

Rufus: “No way! You sat up!”

Sephiroth: “Get up or I’ll lay down with my head in your lap!”

Rufus: “Ew!!!” *jumps up*

Sephiroth: “Heh heh.” *lays down*

Seifer: *grins evilly* “I’ve got it!”

Rufus: “What?”

Seifer: “We all hate Zell, right?”

Rufus: “Nobody’s really too thrilled with him…”

Seifer: *gets up* “Let’s make a We Hate Zell club!”

(everyone stares at him)

Sephiroth: “Count me in!”

Rufus: *shrugs* “Sure, why not?”

Irvine: “Me too.”

Reno: “Sure.”

Seifer: “How about you, Squall?”

Squall: “Whatever.”

Seifer: “Reeve?”

Reeve: “No way! That’s mean! I won’t be a part of this!” *runs out the door*

Reno: “Dammit!”

Irvine: “Now we’ll never know what happened!”

Reno: *sighs* “I’ll just have to make it up.”

Seifer: “Okay, we’ll have to select officers for the club. Since I made it up, I’m the President.”

Sephiroth: “I claim Vice-President!”

Rufus: “I wanna be secretary!”

Irvine: “I’m treasurer then!”

Seifer: “Okay. The first meeting of the We Hate Zell club is called to order. Does anyone have any orders of business?”

Rufus: “Yeah, I do.”

Seifer: “What is it, Mr. Secretary?”

Rufus: “What exactly is it that we do?”

Seifer: “Uh….we talk about how much we hate Zell, annoy him to no end and convince other people to hate him too.”

Sephiroth: “Sounds like my kind of club!”

Irvine: “Uh…Mr. President, I have a concern…”

Seifer: *sighs* “What is it, Mr. Treasurer?”

Irvine: “What will *Lark* say?”

Seifer: “Uh….who cares. It’s none of her business what kind of clubs we make up, right?”

Reno: “Right! Now what should our official drink be?” *goes for the fridge* “How’s red wine sound?”

Seifer: “It doesn’t really matter.”

Rufus: “So do we get membership cards or what?”

Seifer: “You’re the secretary. You make something.”

Rufus: “Okay….” *looks around* “Where are my crayons?”

Irvine: “I think I saw Cloud eating them.”

Rufus: “Dammit! Not again!” *sighs* “I guess I’ll use markers.”

Zell: *runs back in, smiling* “Hey guys! ‘Sup? I came back!”

(total silence. everyone just glares at him)

Zell: *frowns* “Uh…what’s wrong?”

Seifer: “You’re not allowed in here.”

Zell: *stutters* “Why-why not?”

Rufus: “This is the We Hate Zell club.” *smiles proudly* “I’m the secretary.”

Seifer: “I’m the President, cause I hate you most.”

Sephiroth: “I’m the Vice-president, cause I hate everyone!”

Irvine: “I’m the Treasurer, cause it’s the only position that was left.”

Zell: *chin trembles* “The…We….Hate….*Zell*….club?”

Seifer: “That’s right, chicken wuss!” *laughs*

Zell: “You too, Squall?”

Squall: *shrugs* “Whatever.”

Zell: *looks really hurt and runs out of the room*

Seifer: “Oh, look!” *laughs* “I think we hurt the baby’s feelings!”

Rufus: “Come on, who wants to help with the membership cards?”

(lark, shell, and Ashley are sitting outside, trying to get tans)

Ashley: “It’s such a nice day today.”

Shell: *sighs* “Yeah…”

Lark: “I wonder what the guys are doing. They should come outside.”

Ashley: “You’re always thinking about the guys!”

Lark: “Can you blame me?”

Ashley: “……no….”

Zell: *runs out, crying* “Lark!”

Lark: *leaps to her feet* “Zell! What’s wrong?!” *hugs zell*

Zell: *crying into her shoulder* “Myfer nd ee others arted a ee hate znell lub!”

Lark: “Wait? What? Tell me, not my shoulder, hon.” *makes zell look at her*

Zell: *through his tears* “Seifer and the others started a We Hate Zell Club!”

Ashley: “WHAT?!”

Shell: “That’s *so* mean!”

Lark: “Who’s in this club?”

Zell: “Seifer and Rufus and Reno and Sephiroth and Irvine and…” *bursts out crying again* “SQUALL!”

Ashley: “Squall! But you guys are like best friends!”

Zell: “That’s what I thought!”

Lark: “Aw, poor Zell! Don’t worry, we love you, and I’ll put an end to this club.” *lets zell cry into Ashley’s shoulder and goes inside. she slams the door to the ramble room opens and glares at all the shocked guys*

Reno: “Hey, Lark! What’s up?”

Lark: “What’s *up*? I believe you guys know! Poor Zell is crying his eyes out because you jerks started a dumb ass We Hate Zell club!”

Seifer: “It was my idea!”

Lark: “Are you nuts? Stop it right now!”

Seifer: “No way! We have a right to a We Hate Zell club!”

Lark: “Listen, I can’t make you stop….” *looks at each guy* “But I will say that I’m really disappointed in some of you, and I hope you drop out.” *glares at seifer and leaves*

Seifer: *grins* “Wow. She didn’t get half as mad as I thought she was.”

Sephiroth: *looks uncertain* “I don’t know….Lark doesn’t like it….”

Reno: “Oh come on, Sephiroth. You’re such a wuss.” *imitates him* “Lark doesn’t like it! We better stop or she’ll like me even less then she already does!”

Sephiroth: *glares at him* “I’m not dropping out, Reno.”

Seifer: “That’s right. Nobody’s dropping out! Anyone who drops out gets their name in the club title too!”

All others: *gulp*


Lark: *goes outside* “Well….”

Shell: “Well what?”

Lark: *sighs* “I couldn’t stop them.”

Ashley: “They suck.”

Lark: “I have a better idea.”

Shell: “What?”

Lark: *evil grin* “We’ll start a We LOVE Zell club!”

Zell: *smiles* “Really?”

Lark: “Yup! Cause we love you, Zell!” *hugs zell*

Shell: “I claim Vice President!”

Ashley: “I’m the secretary!”

Lark: “In the We Love Zell club every day is We Love Zell day.”

Zell: *grins* “I like this club! It’ll show those losers!”

Lark: “You bet.”

(The next day…the We Hate Zell club is in the ramble room, looking bored)

Seifer: “So…uh…does anyone have anything to say?”

Irvine: “No.”

Sephiroth: “This club sucks.”

Seifer: “Hey! We were only founded yesterday!”

Sephiroth: “I know.”

Seifer: “Rufus, how are those cards coming?”

Rufus: *as he and reno struggle with the laminating machine* “Uh….not too good!”

Reno: *pulling his hand away from the machine* “Ow, man! That’s my hand!”

Seifer: *head in his hands* “Oh boy….”

Squall: “This is *boring*.”

Seifer: “Well I don’t see you making an effort!”

(the door opens and Lark, Ashley, Shell and Zell enter, with a cake and balloons)

Seifer: “Hey, hey, hey! What do you think you’re doing? We’re trying to have a meeting here!”

Irvine: “Yeah. *Trying*.”

Seifer: “We can’t have *Zell* at one of our meetings.”

Lark: “I’m kicking you rejects out. This is *my* ramble room, and, for your information, we’re having a party.”

Reno: “A party?! Can I come?!”

Ashley: “No.”

Reno: “Why not?”

Lark: “Because it’s a We LOVE Zell party. And you’re in the We Hate Zell club.”

Seifer: “We Love Zell?! What is this?”

Shell: “It’s *our* club. The We Love Zell club.”

Lark: “Yeah. Cause we love Zell!”

Zell: *beams* “Yup.”

Seifer: *glares at lark* “Oh yeah? Well we’re going to go have our own party, right guys?” *no answer* “Guys?!”

Irvine: “Huh? Oh yeah, I guess….”

Seifer: “Let’s go.” *everyone starts to head out, except rufus*

Rufus: “Uh…Seifer?”

Seifer: *annoyed sigh* “What is it, Rufus?”

Rufus: “Uh….I’m stuck in the machine.”

Seifer: *helps rufus free his sleeve from the machine* “Come on.”

(everyone in the we hate zell club leaves, except sephiroth)

Sephiroth: “Uh…you know, I—“

Seifer: “Yo, Sephiroth! Let’s go!”

Sephiroth: *frowns* “Bye, Lark.” *leaves*

Shell: *shuts the door* “Some of them are already starting to crack!”

Ashley: “Yeah. I think this is one of those ‘spur of the moment clubs’ that never last.”

Zell: “So, are we gonna party or what!?”

Lark: “Of course!”

(Meanwhile….the We Hate Zell club members are standing around in the hallway right outside the ramble room)

Reno: “Where’s the party, Seifer?”

Seifer: “Shut up. We *aren’t* having one. I just told them we were so they think we’re having more fun than them.”

Rufus: “I really don’t think they believe that or even care.”

Irvine: “And we’re not having *any* fun.”

Squall: “I should have never even joined. I don’t even hate Zell.”

Seifer: “Shut up, Leonhart.”

Irvine: “….I don’t really either.”

Rufus: “Me neither. It seemed cool yesterday, but now it just seems dumb.”

Seifer: “Shut up! Both of you! Our club rocks!”

(everyone gives him a look)

Seifer: “Well…it will be cool….someday.” *frowns*

Reno: *whines* “I wanna go to the party.”

Sephiroth: *trying to see under the door, mumbles* “What’s that chicken wuss doing with my Lark?”

Seifer: *pulls him to his feet* “Who cares?!”

Sephiroth: “I do.” *pouts* “I don’t like this We Love Zell club.”

Seifer: “Don’t you see?! This is what she wants to happen! She wants to make us feel like jerks for having the club and drop out!”

(everyone gives him looks)

Irvine: “Yeah, and it’s working.”

Seifer: “No it’s not! Come on you guys, she’s a phony! She doesn’t like Zell anymore than the rest of us! I’ll prove it to you!” *opens the door to the ramble room*

(in the ramble room shell is putting music on the cd player, Ashley is cutting the cake and lark and zell are talking and standing very close together in the corner)

Sephiroth: “Grrrrrr…..”

Ashley: “Hey! Party crashers!”

Shell: “Come to your senses yet?” *smiles*

(all the guys go to talk)

Seifer: *interrupts them* “No! We’re just checking out your lame ass party, that’s all!”

Ashley: “Right… Well Seifer, it’s not lame. We’re having lots of fun.”

Shell: “Yup. Lots and lots and lots of fun!”

Seifer: *narrows eyes* “Grrrr….”

Rufus: *eyeing the cake* “That looks good….”

Ashley: *seeing rufus, she grins and takes a piece of cake. she takes a bite* “Wow. This is good cake. Mmmmm.”

Rufus: *drools* “I’m really hungry…” *takes a step, seifer stops him*

Reno: “I love this song.” *starts to dance in place*

Shell: *turns up the music* “Come dance with me, Reno!”

Reno: *makes a break for it* “Sure!”

Seifer: *stops him* “No! Don’t act so weak!”

Ashley: *twitches* “Ugh. Bad memories of Wufei….”

Lark: “So how’s *your* party going, boys?” *runs a finger down zell’s chest*

Sephiroth: “Grrrrrrrrrr…..”

Rufus: *frowns* “Actually there is—“

Seifer: *jabs rufus in the ribs* “Uh….he’s an idiot.”

Rufus: *bent over in pain, glares at seifer and whispers* “I hate this club.”

Squall: “Hi, Zell.”

Zell: *frowns* “I can’t talk to you, Squall.”

Rufus: “Can we….uh…come to your party?”

Seifer: “Rufus!”

Ashley: “Only if you drop out of the club.”

Seifer: “No! No one is dropping out! No one’s even thinking about it!”

Lark: “Nice try, Seifer.”

Seifer: *glares at lark* “You know, you’re just doing this to get someone to drop out of the club! But no one is! Cause we all know you’re just pretending to like Zell!”

Lark: “Oh, is that so? For your information, Seifer. I happen to be the President of the We Love Zell club, because I do.” *turns around, grabs zell and kisses him for about 10 seconds. then she backs away and smiles at him*

Zell: “Wow!” *grins*

Sephiroth: *rushing forward* “That’s it! I’m out! I hate this club! I love Zell too!”

Seifer: “SEPHIROTH!!!”

Squall: “Me too.”

Reno: “That makes three of us!”

Irvine and Rufus: “Us too.”

Seifer: *gets really red in the race* “Urgh! Fine! I disband the club.”

Lark: *smiles at pats zell on the cheek* “See? I told ya.”

Zell: *grins* “Yup.”

Rufus: “We’re all *really* sorry, Zell.”

Squall: “*Especially* me.”

Irvine: “Do you forgive us?”

Zell: “Um…..I guess so. Just don’t do it again.”

Reno: “Can we party now?”

Lark: “Just because Zell forgives you doesn’t mean *I* forgive you.”

(all the guys smile at her)

Reno: “We love you, Lark.”

Irvine: “Come on, babe.”

Rufus: *runs his fingers through his hair* “We said we were sorry.”

Sephiroth: “*Please*? I’ll do anything!”

Lark: “Anything???”

(the next day. Lark and Zell are sitting sideways on the couch facing each other. zell has a hot dog, and lark has some kind of tropical drink. rufus is fanning lark and squall is fanning zell since it’s really really hot in the ramble room, as is demonstrated as all the guys are sweating, even with their shirts off, *at lark’s request, not zell’s!!!* there’s music playing in the background)

Seifer: “I can’t believe we have to wait on you two for a *week* as punishment!”

Zell: “Ha ha!”

Reno: “Never should have joined that club….”

Lark: “Seifer! Change the CD! I’m sick of this one! Reno! I need another drink. Irvine, grab another fan because I’m *still* hot.”

Rufus: *sighs* “I’m fanning the best that I can.”

Lark: “Sephy….I could use a massage.”

Sephiroth: *grins* “Sure!” *runs over to her*

Zell: “I almost wish they would make hate clubs for me more often!”

Seifer: “Grrrr…stupid chicken wuss.”

Lark: “I wouldn’t go *that* far, Zell….but…” *admires rufus and irvine as they fan her* “I *am* enjoying this.” *pauses* “Okay, who promises to never make a hate club for someone again?”

Sephiroth: *too eagerly* “ME!”

Rufus and Irvine: “Us…”

Reno: “Me, me, me.”

Squall: “Yup.”

Seifer: “Whatever.”

Lark: *leans back* “Well don’t stop, boys! There’s 6 more fun filled days of this to go!” *she and zell give one another high fives*


This entry was posted in Beginning Rambles and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s