#200 – And So It Goes… (part three)

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! That all you can eat buffet will curse the day they opened! Gya haa haa!”

Originally Published: 7/26/2007

Synopsis
Lark and the girls realize their means of getting to the ramble room is broken. Does this mean they have to leave for good?

Ramble Milestones
-Nida and Scarlet have sex.

You throw a hissy fit, Alucard! Uh, anyway there’s so much going on in this last one that it’s hard to comment on it all. To be totally honest, I don’t love most of these storylines. I do like the whole thing with Bryatt trying to convince Zidane to stop being Algus’ slave. I had been planning that one for awhile. Same with Barret finally finding out what the hell Red is. The scenes with the ramble girls journeying to fix the broken PSX are some of my favorites – there really is a place by my house that sells old video game systems and stuff. And they have all kinds of tournament in there that I do not want to get involved with.

 

(meanwhile, yuffie and locke are still digging up the backyard. yuffie reaches down in the dirt and picks up a shiny object. they are both laughing.)

Yuffie: “Ooh, a bottle cap. We’ve struck it rich!”

Locke: “If I had a nickel for every one we dug up today – there are way too many drunks in the ramble room.”

Yuffie: “Duh. Though most of these are probably Irvine and Reno alone.”

Locke: “Well hand it on over. I’ll add it to the pile.”

(she does and he puts it in his pocket. they then both continue walking along, the metal detector beeping steadily.)

Yuffie: “What’d you really expect to find anyway? Buried pirate treasure?”

Locke: “Maybe…maybe…you never know what you might find unless you look. Stranger things have happened.”

Yuffie: “I guess! Maybe we searched everywhere except where the good stuff’s hidden!”

Locke: “That’s the spirit!”

(the detector starts beeping like it’s found something.)

Locke: “Here’s our payday!”

Yuffie: “We hope this time!”

(she starts digging)

Yuffie: “You know, you could offer to help a girl out!”

Locke: “What? The shovel too heavy for you or something?”

Yuffie: “No!! I CAN do it. But you should OFFER to do it. It’s the nice guy thing to do!”

Locke: “Who says I’m a nice guy? You called me a thief before.”

Yuffie: “I’m the thief. You’re the treasure hunter.”

Locke: *puts the metal detector down* “All right, give it over. I’ll dig a bit.”

Yuffie: “No, I’ve got it. Don’t want you to strain yourself or anything!”

Locke: “I’ve got it! You complained, now hand it over!”

Yuffie: “Make me!”

(locke goes to grab the shovel but she yanks it out of the way. he stumbles, knocks into her, and they both tumble to the ground laughing. he’s lying on top of her and they are just look at one another and laughing and laughing…but then they slowly trail off and just stare at each other for a long moment. then both suddenly look awkward and look away from each other. they both scramble to their feet and avoid eye contact)

Locke: “Uh…I…uh…I…”

Yuffie: “Um, I gotta go. I’ve got stuff.”

Locke: “Yeah, yeah. Me too. Stuff.”

(and without another word, yuffie just runs off. locke puts a hand to his forehead and watches her go)

Locke: “…Bye.”

(when she’s totally out of sight he bends down to pick up the shovel and metal detector)

Locke: *mutters to himself* “That’s not what I expected to find today…”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(laguna, kiros and ward have returned to the ramble room with their groceries. they are now working on putting everything away. laguna has picked up a bottle of juice and is reading the panel on the side with interest)

Laguna: “Hey…there’s a drink recipe on here! It’s called Surf’s Up Punch! That sounds awesome!”

Kiros: “Ward says he’s surprised you can read.”

Laguna: “All you need is a blender, some ice cream and this drink! That sounds delicious AND easy! Where’s the blender?”

Kiros: “Ward doesn’t think you should operate any type of machinery.”

Laguna: “Come on, Ward! Don’t you think it sounds good?” *takes out appliance* “I found the blender!”

Kiros: “That’s a fondue pot.”

Laguna: *frowns* “Oh.” *brightens* “Never mind! I found it!”

(he takes out the correct appliance this time and sets it on the counter. he then gathers the ingredients and starts to read the instructions)

Laguna: *reads* “It says you need 3 cups of ice cream!” *looks at ice cream carton* “Uh…how can you tell how many cups are in it?”

Kiros: “Ward says you don’t.”

Laguna: *shrugs* “Three cups sounds like a lot. I’ll just use the whole thing.” *dumps the whole thing in* “Now I need 10 cups of juice. That’s easy! Juice belongs in a cup! Get me a cup, Ward!”

(ward opens the cabinets but they’re all empty. ward just frowns and shrugs)

Laguna: “Oops! Looks like no one did the dishes! Somebody wasn’t obeying the chore wheel!”

Kiros: “Ward says you and the chore wheel are equally lame.”

Laguna: “I’ll just have to take my best guess then!” *starts pouring juice into blender*

Kiros: “Ward says this is a train wreck waiting to happen.”

Laguna: “Now we just blend and enjoy!”

(and what does laguna do next? well he doesn’t put the top on the blender, but he does press the button to start it up. juice and ice cream go flying everywhere)

Kiros: “Ward says you’re an idiot! Shut that thing off!”

Laguna: “I can’t! I don’t know what button does what!”

(kiros and laguna are both trying to dodge the flying concoction and shut the blender off as sephiroth and twilight come into the room. they stand in the doorway and observe the scene for a moment)

Sephiroth: “…This could not be easier.”

Twilight: “I love people who are dumber than me.”

(finally kiros manages to shut the blender off, but he, laguna and ward are already covered in the mixture. kiros does not look pleased about it)

Kiros: “Ward is pissed he’s got stuff in his hair now!”

Laguna: “Ward! You don’t have hair!” *licks some off his hand* “Ooh! Tasty!”

Sephiroth: “Hey there, Laguna. You and your friends mind signing this sheet of paper for me?”

Laguna: “No problem! Wanna try some Surf’s Up Punch?”

Sephiroth: “Uh…no thanks.”

Kiros: “Ward says no one would want to drink this crap.”

Ward: *happily drinking some gives a thumbs up*

Laguna: *rubs the back of his neck* “Ward is confusing sometimes.”

(so laguna, kiros and ward all sign the petition and sephiroth and twilight leave quite happily. laguna then surveys the scene)

Laguna: “Well! Looks like I’ve made a bit of a mess here! Good thing I have you guys to help me clean it up!”

Kiros: *scowling as he tries to clean the stuff from his hair* “Ward says he hates you.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

(meanwhile, at zack’s house, cloud is sitting down watching tv when zack comes over and sits down next to him. he looks excited)

Zack: “I got it!”

Cloud: “Got what? The Times crossword puzzle?”

Zack: “No! The loan! For our center!”

Cloud: “You took out a loan? You didn’t tell me about that!”

Zack: “Well…it was kinda spur of the moment.”

Cloud: “I didn’t know loans could be spur of the moment.”

Zack: “Well we’ve been talking about it a lot lately. I thought I would just go ahead and take the plunge!”

Cloud: “Talking about it yeah…but we still don’t have any solid ideas in place! Where is this center even going to be?”

Zack: “That’s easy enough! We’ll just find some building that’s for rent! Or we’ll have something built!”

Cloud: “I don’t think it’s as easy as it sounds…”

Zack: *frowns* “Why are you being so negative? I thought this was something we really wanted to do together.”

Cloud: *smiles* “…Sorry. I do. I think it’s very important work. People with that kind of mental blockage need very personal help and lots of counseling.”

Zack: “…Counseling?”

Cloud: “Yes. Counseling.”

Zack: “Heh…I thought we agreed that they need a lot of hands on time with their family and friends, who then report to a counselor?”

Cloud: “…As good as that sounds in theory, I really don’t think they’d do anything but get in the way.”

Zack: “But they know the person best! They might be able to figure out the trigger!”

Cloud: “But a normal person can’t do that on their own!”

Zack: “I did it!”

Cloud: “You’re a doctor!”

Zack: “But I’m not a psychologist!”

Cloud: “Zack you were killing yourself the whole time because you were desperate to get the real me back. We can’t put that kind of pressure on people!”

Zack: *jumps to his feet* “What pressure? They want the person better! That’s why they’re there!”

Cloud: “But it’s not so easy! Think about it! You’re too close to the situation so you get frustrated!”

Zack: “How can you even know what I went through? You weren’t really there!”

(cloud frowns and pursues his lips together. he takes a pause before speaking)

Cloud: “…No. But from what Bria told me I have a pretty clear picture. I don’t even think you could see what you were doing to yourself, Zack.”

(there is a long pause. then zack sits down again and sighs)

Zack: “Fine. How about we talk to some of the loved ones of the people in your group? Maybe they’ll help us decide how we should run things.”

Cloud: “Fine.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(back to reeve and tseng, they are in their room. tseng is playing a game on the computer when reeve comes over)

Reeve: “…You busy?”

Tseng: “You done with that work?”

Reeve: “Yeah. I just finished it up. Can we talk?”

Tseng: “Uh…sure.” *pause* “Did I do something?”

Reeve: “No! I just wanted to finish the conversation we were having earlier!”

Tseng: “……What conversation?”

Reeve: “About having another child.”

Tseng: “…Oh.”

Reeve: “I was thinking we could get a surrogate, or maybe adopt if that wouldn’t work out.”

Tseng: *uncomfortable* “Have you been thinking about this a lot?”

Reeve: “Well…I wouldn’t say a lot…but some. What do you think?”

Tseng: *long pause* “…………Reeve. I love you. But…I’m not really ready to talk about another child yet.”

Reeve: *blink blink* “W-why not?”

Tseng: “Lily’s still just so little! And now there’s Max…”

Reeve: “He isn’t ours.”

Tseng: “Not directly, no, but he’s part of our family. I’m happy as it is now, Reeve. I’m not saying I never want to bring another child into our lives, but it’s not something I really want to talk about right now.”

Reeve: *looks annoyed*

Tseng: “What’s wrong?”

Reeve: “…Of course you’re happy with it. You have *your* child.”

Tseng: “Don’t start this. Just because it’s my genes—“

Reeve: “I know! I know it’s stupid! And I don’t love Lily any less for it! But I’ve always wanted my *own* child, you know? This is something I’ve wanted for a long time.” *softly* “Something I thought could never happen.”

(reeve bows his head. tseng heaves a sigh and puts a hand on reeve’s shoulder)

Tseng: “…Look. I understand how you feel, Reeve. And like I said I’m not saying no. We can have another child. Just…can’t we wait? Just a few more years?”

Reeve: *softly* “…Yeah. Sure.” *stands up* “I’m going to go take a walk.”

Tseng: “Reeve, wait! We don’t have to stop talking about this!”

(but reeve leaves the room. tseng sighs and shakes his head)

Tseng: “…Am I being selfish?”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(back at the belmont house, tifa arrives home carrying baby duke who is squirming around. richter is still on the couch watching yet another samuel l. jackson movie)

Richter: “There are a lot of buildings exploding in this one!”

Tifa: “Richter…are you *still* on the couch?”

Richter: “This one is called Die…something. There certainly is a lot of shooting in it!”

Tifa: *struggling to hold duke* “Uh huh. Well have you thought anymore about what I said?”

Richter: “What?”

Tifa: “…About the wedding?”

Richter: “What about the wedding?”

Tifa: *annoyed sigh* “About how we have to cut our guest list?” *duke struggles more* “Duke! Please stop it!”

Richter: “Wow! That guy’s dead for sure!”

Tifa: “Richter! Are you listening to me?”

Richter: *finally turns around* “What?”

Tifa: “Argh! You know what?! Maybe we shouldn’t get married after all!!”

(she storms upstairs. richter watches looking stunned)

Richter: “…She can’t mean that.” *turns back to tv* “Who wouldn’t want to marry a Belmont?”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(meanwhile, edgar and setzer are at loser land and they look annoyed)

Edgar: “We’ve been knocking for some time. Perhaps no one is home?”

Setzer: “No, they’re home. They’re just stupid. Can’t you hear that weirdo and his horse laugh?”

Heidegger’s voice: “Gya haa haa!”

Edgar: “…You mean that?”

Setzer: “Obviously.”

(finally the door opens. it’s hojo.)

Hojo: “Oh. I thought it might be the delivery man. I’m waiting for a fresh shipment of newt tongue.”

Setzer: “Gross.”

Edgar: “Professor Hojo, we’ve actually come to see you about an issue of a…personal nature.”

Hojo: “I’m intrigued.”

Edgar: “I heard through a reliable source that you collect…um…male reproductive…um…”

Hojo: “Semen?”

Edgar: “Yes! Exactly.”

Hojo: “Are you involved with the police?”

Edgar and Setzer: “No.”

Hojo: “Are you investigative reporters of any kind?”

Edgar and Setzer: “No.”

Hojo: “Then please come in.”

(they do, and hojo shuts the door behind them. heidegger is sitting on the couch eating. scarlet is flipping through a magazine)

Hojo: “I hope Lucretia isn’t still in my lab.”

Scarlet: “She’s not.”

Hojo: “At last!”

Scarlet: “She thinks you’re hiding stuff in your bedroom now.”

Hojo: “Grr! I think she’s taken too many Jenova cells to the brain! I’ll deal with her later. This way, please.”

(he leads edgar and setzer to his creepy lab where he shuts the door behind them. they look around a bit warily.)

Hojo: “So. What can I do for you fine gentleman? I have a book of sperm donors available, if you would like to flip through it.”

Setzer: *grimaces* “Ugh.”

Edgar: “Um, actually I am in need of my own sperm. Or rather, a child.”

Hojo: “Okay…”

Edgar: “I’m wondering if maybe someone has already purchased my sperm off you. Then maybe I have a child out there somewhere.”

Hojo: “Oh.” *frowns* “You’re Edgar Roni Figaro, correct?”

Edgar: “That is my name.”

Hojo: “Yes…about your sperm…I’ve never sold any of it. In fact I didn’t even keep it.”

Edgar: “What? Why not?! I am a king! Plenty of women should want my seed!”

Hojo: “Exactly! I was never so excited to get some sperm!”

Setzer: *mutters* “…Gonna throw up…”

Hojo: “I was so angry to discover it was defective.”

Edgar and Setzer: *blink blink* “Defective?”

Hojo: “Yes, defective.”

Edgar: *nervously* “What do you mean?”

Hojo: “You’re basically infertile. Without getting technical I can assure you that in all my years of handling sperm, I have never seen such a poor sample.”

Edgar: *eyes wide with shock*

Hojo: “That includes my own. And you don’t know what kind of things I’ve done to myself over the years.”

Setzer: *mutters* “…Really glad I didn’t eat lunch.”

Edgar: *shocked* “So…I’ll never be able to father a child?”

Hojo: “Yes. So can I interest you in someone else’s?”

(edgar is still totally in shock. setzer grabs his arm and leads him towards the door)

Setzer: “I think we’ll let ourselves out.”

(they do. back outside loser land edgar still looks besides himself)

Setzer: “Eddie? You okay?”

Edgar: “…I’m ruined. …If I can’t have a child, what will I do?” *panics* “What will I do? I’ll lose my crown!”

Setzer: “Don’t panic. Last time I checked you had a twin brother.”

Edgar: “…You don’t suggest…”

Setzer: “Yeah. I think it’s about time we paid Sabin a visit.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(meanwhile, back to nemesis, nightmare and their loser of a leader, they are all sitting on the pavement outside of the condos looking forlorn.)

Lloyd: “I can’t *believe* that pet store turned us away!” *to nemesis* “You were *not* scaring those animals!”

Nemesis: “STARS!!”

Nightmare: *stands up* “Nightmare is going home to break in new ballet shoes!”

Lloyd: *jumps up* “No! You can’t go! We’re so close to getting work!”

Nemesis: *stands up* “STARS!”

Nightmare: “Nightmare agrees with Nemesis! How is sitting on curb getting job?”

Lloyd: “Uh…I was just…uh…thinking! Yeah, I was thinking! Thinking really hard!”

Nightmare: “If you do not come up with new idea, Nightmare is going home to practice balancing on his toes!”

Nemesis: “STARS!”

Lloyd: “Uh…sure I thought of something! Sure I did!” *long pause* “……I…thought we should go look for work over there!” *points to the belmont house* “That’s a big house! They probably need lots of help running it!”

Nightmare: *looks at the house* “Nightmare thinks you may have a point.”

Lloyd: “I always have a point! Let’s go over there!”

(so they march over to the front door of the belmont house and knock on the door. and who answers the door? simon belmont. before he can react lloyd is talking)

Lloyd: “Good afternoon, sir! We’re here to—“

Simon: *screeches* “DEMONS!!!! DEVILS, ALL OF YOU!” *pulls out a shotgun*

Nemesis: “STARS!”

Lloyd: “Holy crap!”

Nightmare: “Nightmare does *not* need this today!”

Lloyd: “We’re just looking to help!”

Simon: “You can help me by dying! Stay still so I can shoot you!”

Lloyd: “Cheese it!!”

(and with that triple n incorporated scatters in three different directions. trevor comes to the door with simon)

Trevor: “Who was that?”

Simon: “I don’t know. Don’t have my glasses on.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(back to reno, he has tracked phoenix and sunshine to a coffee place. they get their coffee and get seats at a table for two by the windows. reno sits across the room which is still within listening distance. he is holding a paper up pretending to read so he can conceal his face.)

Phoenix: “It’s nice to get away from the courtroom for awhile.”

Sunshine: “It is. Especially in your field. I can only imagine how stressful that must be!”

Phoenix: “Oh…it does get pretty stressful. Sometimes I feel like I’m just making things up!”

Sunshine: “I can relate to that!”

Reno: *rolls his eyes*

Phoenix: “It’s nice to sit down and really talk with another lawyer. Most of the ones I deal with every day aren’t exactly the type you can sit down and have a talk with.”

Sunshine: “They’re probably too concerned that you’re trying to get some information about the case or something!”

Phoenix: “Exactly! This is just what I’m talking about.”

Reno: *pretends to gag*

Sunshine: “It’s hard to find other lawyers to talk to! And then when you tell people you’re a lawyer they automatically assume you’re some ambulance chaser! Most don’t realize that there’s different types of law.”

Phoenix: “Yeah…sometimes I don’t know why I became a defense attorney.”

Sunshine: “Oh…I bet that’s not true.”

Phoenix: “Well…sometimes I wish I *wasn’t* a defense attorney.” *chuckles*

Sunshine: *laughs* “That’s more like it!”

(a waitress comes over to reno)

Waitress: “Sir, are you going to order?”

Reno: *softly* “Uh…do you have beer here?”

Waitress: “…This is a *coffee* place.”

Reno: *softly* “So?”

Waitress: “…I’m not even gonna dignify that with a response.”

Reno: *softly* “Look, I’m still thinking! Come back later!”

Waitress: *goes off muttering* “He won’t leave a tip.”

Phoenix: “So you’re in taxes and estates?”

Sunshine: “Yup…it’s pretty much as boring as it sounds. But sometimes I think that’s why I like it.”

Phoenix: “Did you always want to be a lawyer?”

Sunshine: “No… Actually there was awhile where I took a break and was a news anchor.”

Phoenix: “Really? How did you land that job?”

Sunshine: “Well, not like it was a good network or anything. You ever see that ridiculous show Legal Case?”

Phoenix: *snort* “I think I was tortured by an episode once.”

Sunshine: “Yeah. It was that station. Before it got bought out.”

Phoenix: “That’s still pretty impressive.”

Sunshine: “I guess. What about you? Did you always want to be a lawyer?”

Phoenix: “Well…it’s a long story really.”

Sunshine: “I’d love to hear it.”

Reno: *rolls eyes and mutters* “Oh boy…this is gonna be a loooooong afternoon…”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(meanwhile, zell is talking to rude)

Zell: “And remember the great tips you got?”

Rude: “Someone left me a button and Rufus took it.”

Zell: “…Well this is a really high class joint! Nobody’s gonna leave a button! …I don’t think.”

Rude: “Whose restaurant is this again?”

Zell: “Franswa’s! He really needs people! And as your former manager, I think you’d be great!”

Rude: “Hmmm…” *pause* “Who’s funding it?”

Zell: “Huh?”

Rude: “Is *Rufus* involved in any way?”

Zell: “Uh…well Rufus put some money into it, yeah. But it’s not really his restaurant! It’s Franswa’s!”

Rude: *shakes head* “No. No way.”

Zell: “Why not?? Rufus doesn’t have that much control over it!”

Rude: “After what I’ve been through working for Rufus… I’ll never work for him again.”

Zell: “You still work for him.”

Rude: “I’ll never work for him at another job.”

Zell: “But you were a good waiter!”

Rude: “And I had to quit because Rufus was a jerk. Every job I’ve had with him has been a disaster.  I was a sales clerk at his stupid department store and that burned down. And I was a stock boy at his stupid discount center and he fired me. And then I was a roadie for his stupid band and that fell apart. And there’s probably more I can’t even remember.”

Zell: “Did you work at his gas station?”

Rude: “No.”

Zell: “Probably for the best…”

Rude: “Sorry, but its no.”

(he leaves the room. zell heaves a sigh)

Zell: “This is way harder than I thought!”

(squall walks by. zell chases him out to the porch)

Zell: “Squall! Hey, Squall!”

Squall: “What?”

Zell: “I need to ask you something!”

Squall: “If it’s about Rinoa and a ring forget about it.”

Zell: “What? No! Franswa needs people to work at his restaurant! You interested?”

Squall: “No…I’ve got enough to worry about practically running Garden.”

Zell: “I thought Xu was really in charge of it now?”

Squall: “It’s a puppet regime.”

Zell: *blink blink* “What do puppets have to do with it?”

Squall: “…I’m leaving.”

(he does. zell looks around exasperated but there appears to be no one around. then a bush suddenly moves next to the porch. zell goes over and peers down to find snake and shadow in the bush)

Snake: *mutters* “Otakon! Intruder alert!”

Shadow: *mutters* “Ask Otakon if I can have his number too!”

Snake: “Beat it, parasite!”

Zell: “Hey! You guys wanna job at a restaurant?”

(a bullet goes whizzing by zell’s head. he laughs nervously)

Zell: “Heh heh…guess not.” *hurries away*

Snake’s voice: “You made me miss!”

Shadow’s voice: “I was just trying to help!”

Zell: *big sigh* “There’s gotta be *someone* who wants to work for Franswa…”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(meanwhile, at the therapy center…cid is stretching out on the desk. koudelka is sitting down working on something)

Cid: “Those damn kids. My job would be a lot #$%@#$% easier if that @#$%@# Bowser Jr. would just get sent to juvie!”

Koudelka: “You can quit any time you want to.”

Cid: “And not see your beautiful @#$%@#$ face every day?”

Koudelka: “Aw…were you trying to be sweet?”

Cid: “Nothin’s good enough for you, is it?”

Koudelka: “You can go home you know.”

Cid: “You tellin’ me to leave?”

Koudelka: “All you’re gonna miss is the villains group coming in. Maybe somebody ambushing Nightmare.”

Cid: “What is it with that guy? Why is he always getting #@$^@#$ attacked?”

Koudelka: “It’s all about a sword…or something. It’s all ridiculous.”

(rufus enters.)

Rufus: “Hi, Koudelka!” *sees cid* “You still here?”

Cid: “Here for the villains group?”

Rufus: *awkwardly* “Here to…*read* to them…if that’s what you mean. Heh.” *puts his hood up and ducks into the room*

(then bowser and dedede enter)

Bowser: “And now they’re demanding new shells! I tell you, an army is more trouble than it’s worth. And with one jump Mario can kill most of them! So what’s the point?”

Dedede: *quack* “At least he doesn’t eat them and harness their souls for power.”

Bowser: “That just sounds demonic!”

Dedede: “Oh…he is. A pink, fluffy evil demon.”

(they enter the room just as berserk comes in and goes over to koudelka)

Berserk: “Koudelka! I need your help with lady problem!”

Koudelka: “I’d be happy to counsel you if you set up an appointment.”

Berserk: “But I’m not sure whether to buy her flowers or chocolates for our one week anniversary!”

Koudelka: “Appointment.”

Berserk: “Argh!”

(he stomps off into the room. then nightmare, nemesis and lloyd enter.)

Nightmare: “Nightmare has a lot to get off his chest this week!”

Nemesis: “STARS!”

Lloyd: “You guys enjoy your meeting! I’ll wait for you out here!”

(they go into the room and lloyd walks over to koudelka, who is looking down writing something)

Lloyd: “Hi, Koudel—“

Koudelka: “I am *not* hiring your excuse for a company for anything.”

Lloyd: “Come on! Not even to pick up garbage? We can pick up garbage!”

Koudelka: “No.”

Lloyd: “But—“

Koudelka: *looks up* “I don’t wanna hear it. How many times do I have to tell you no? Now go over there, sit down and shut your mouth. And if you talk to me one more time, I’ll charge you to sit there.”

(lloyd just gives her a nasty look and stomps over to the chairs)

Koudelka: “I take that as a compliment!”

Cid: “God, that guy’s #$%@#$% annoying.”

Koudelka: “Tell me about it.”

(then yuri comes over all smiles)

Yuri: “Guess what? I just made reservations for the hottest restaurant in town! Then afterwards I’m taking Nikki to this brand new club and we are gonna get *funk-kay*!”

Koudelka: “Please don’t use that word again.”

Yuri: “Come on, Koudelka! You should be happy for me! You’re the one who told me to ask her out!”

Koudelka: *smiles* “Oh, trust me, Yuri. I’m very happy for you.”

Yuri: “I’m gonna go plan what I’m gonna wear.” *pause* “Do you think she likes shiny shirts?”

Koudelka: “Go for it.”

(yuri leaves. koudelka laughs quietly)

Cid: “That poor #$%@#$. I almost feel sorry for the bastard.”

Koudelka: “You won’t feel sorry for him when we spy on his date.”

Cid: “You wanna #$%@#$% spy on his date?!”

Koudelka: “Of course! I can’t not be in the front row for this one!”

Cid: *grins* “Well then looks like you and me are goin’ on a date.”

Koudelka: *half grin* “Guess I’ll have to suffer a little.”

(there’s a crash from the other room)

????: “Nightmare! Prepare to die!”

Nightmare: “Damn you, Taki! Nightmare was having a breakthrough!”

Koudelka: *sigh* “I’ve gotta start putting them in a room with no windows.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(meanwhile, to avoid zell, rude has moved on to the pool area. he is still making calls and has the paper in front of him.)

Rude: “Yes, I’m calling about the ad in the paper. It says there are many benefits available? ……………………Ugh, you call *that* a benefit? ………………Well what if I don’t like cats? ……Hello? Hello?” *sighs and dials another number* “Hello, I’m calling about the ad you placed? It says you need someone who’s motivated. I am very motivated. ………………I can do that. ………I can do that. ……………I guess I could be persuaded to do that.  ………………Um, maybe if I was drunk. …………No. Forget it.” *hangs up sighs and dials yet another number* “Yes, I’m calling about the ad you placed in the paper? It says you need waiters for a new restaurant?” *listens for a moment but then frowns* “Rufus? Is that you? ……No, forget it.”

(he hangs up, puts the phone aside and crosses some stuff off on the paper in annoyance. sephiroth and twilight enter)

Sephiroth: “Rude! You’re an intelligent being! I need you to sign something!”

Rude: “Will it be bad for Rufus?”

Sephiroth: “I’m sure in some roundabout way it is!”

Rude: “Then I’ll sign.” *he does* “You know any places that are hiring?”

Twilight: “Just that nerd’s restaurant.”

Rude: *shudders* “No. Rufus. Never mind.”

(he walks out. twilight looks at sephiroth)

Twilight: “Everybody around here’s got issues.”

Sephiroth: “Tell me about it. I’m glad we don’t.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(back outside, snake and shadow are still crouched in the bushes. in the background interceptor yips happily as he chases a butterfly)

Snake: “Dammit… Seems the terrorists with the shovel and metal detector have gone.”

Shadow: “That was Locke. He’s not a terrorist.”

Snake: “Shows what you know!” *stands up* “I guess this mission is over.”

Shadow: *stands up* “Great! Now you can start teaching me!” *puts hand out* “I’m Clyde. What’s your name?”

Snake: *eyes narrow* “You don’t need to know my name.”

Shadow: “That’s cool, that’s cool! You can call me Shadow. That’s my code name.”

Snake: “What agency gave you that name?”

Shadow: “I…uh…made it up.”

Snake: “Get out of my way, kid. I’ve got serious business to attend to.”

Shadow: “Come on! I need your help!”

Snake: “You’re hopeless. I don’t see any weapons on you.”

Shadow: *takes out shriuken* “These are my weapons!”

Snake: “What kind of toys are those?”

Shadow: “They aren’t toys! They’re silent but deadly! Watch!”

(with that he flings it upwards. it curves around, cutting through several tree branches. the branches then all tumble to the ground)

Snake: *snort* “…Too bad trees aren’t terrorists.”

Shadow: “It hurts people too! If it can do that to tree bark, imagine what it can do to skin!”

(there’s the sound of footsteps. snake immediately gets down and rolls neatly back into the bushes. shadow tries to copy him but his roll is rather clumsy and he makes a lot of noise as he gets into the bush)

Snake: “Your stealth skills need work!”

Shadow: “I don’t usually roll around on the grass!”

Snake: *peering out behind the leaves* “…I don’t see anyone…”

Shadow: “What should we do?”

Snake: “You should leave before I decide to kill you.”

Shadow: “I’m not leaving until you teach me some of your moves!”

Snake: “I can’t teach you! What if you join up with a terrorist agency and use what I taught you against me?”

Shadow: “I just wanna prove I’m cool!”

Snake: *growls* “Fine. You wanna be like me, go find a cardboard box.”

Shadow: “A cardboard box? Why?”

Snake: “Just do it!”

(without another word shadow leaps up and runs off in search of the box. interceptor runs after him happily)

Snake: “Otakon… Better hold my missions until I can dispose of this rat.”

Otakon: “What missions?!”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(back in loser land…scarlet is still reading her magazine. heidegger is making a tower of crackers. nida comes in with a yo-yo that is all tangled up)

Nida: “Look what I found!”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! Sir Stringy!”

Nida: “I was cleaning up and I found it under a pile of potato chip bags!”

Scarlet: “Really? You mean he doesn’t always eat the bag?”

Nida: “I wonder what else I’m gonna find in that mess!”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! Sir Stringy II!”

Scarlet: *shudders* “And I thought I’d never have to think about you in a thong again.”

Nida: “Gross! I’d rather think about Scarlet in a thong!”

Heidegger: “You think about that a lot! Gya haa haa!”

Nida: “No I don’t! Shut up, Heidegger!”

(he storms out of the room. hojo enters looking panicked)

Hojo: “Where is she? I’ll kill her! All my work!”

Scarlet: “What are you talking about?”

Hojo: “Lucretia! She absolutely trashed my lab! It’s a mess! Worse, there is important research missing!”

Scarlet: “When you say important research, do you mean important research, or porn?”

Hojo: “…That’s besides the point! My personal property has been stolen!”

Scarlet: “Where were you when she was doing this?”

Hojo: “…Spying on Kuja in the bathroom.”

(speaking of lucretia, she enters all smiles)

Lucretia: “Oh hello, Alexander!”

Hojo: “That’s what you say to me?! You trash my lab and then say hello?”

Lucretia: “I didn’t trash it! I’m in the middle of organizing it! It was such a mess, no wonder you can’t get any important research done!”

Hojo: *twitch* “I had everything the way I like it.”

Lucretia: “Nonsense, Alexander! You can’t possibly work in an environment like that! I’ll tidy everything up for you and then you’ll be able to create horrible monstrosities of nature once again!”

(she leaves. hojo twitches again)

Hojo: “I’ve got to get rid of her.”

(he leaves. then seymour enters. he looks great. it is obvious he has spent many hours in front of the mirror perfecting how he looks)

Seymour: “How do I look?”

Heidegger: “I’d almost have sex with you! Gya haa haa!”

Scarlet: “Still trying to impress Kuja?”

Seymour: “What? No! Can’t I just want to look good for myself?”

(kuja walks in and grabs a magazine off the coffee table. he then gives seymour a quick look over)

Kuja: “You don’t look like something puked ugly all over you so much today.”

(he then leaves.)

Seymour: “…I consider that success.”

Scarlet: “I don’t think he’s getting the point.”

Seymour: “One thing at a time!”

(he leaves. scarlet puts her magazine down)

Scarlet: “I’m bored.”

Heidegger: “I’m hungry! Gya haa haa!” *eats the tower of crackers*

Nida’s voice: “Ewwwwwwww!! I think I found Sir Stringy II!!!”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! I bet it doesn’t fit!”

(he gets up and waddles out of the room. scarlet sighs and looks around the room. she sees the pile of pictures nida was going through earlier. she goes over and starts to look through them, a forlorn expression on her face)

Scarlet: *mutters* “Sometimes even I’m not sure how I used to look like this…” *sighs sadly*

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(back at the house of vampires…dante comes into the living room to find alucard pacing)

Dante: “What’s the matter, Al? You sure you don’t want to join us for a game of Monopoly? Your dad already made up new rules. Instead of drawing a chance card you’re supposed to now hop on one foot with a rubber chicken in your mouth.”

Alucard: “What? No. I’ve been thinking. And I think I’ve come up with a way to get rid of D.”

Dante: “Al… I gotta know…why don’t you like him? He doesn’t seem like such a bad guy.”

Alucard: *eyes flash* “Doesn’t seem like such a bad guy?! Whose side are you on here??”

Dante: *holds hands up defensively* “Yours, baby. As always. Just don’t see why all the hate.”

Alucard: “He’s a jerk! He thinks he can just waltz in here after hundreds of years and steal my father away from me – I don’t think so!”

Dante: “Okay, I get it. What’s your plan then?”

Alucard: “I’m gonna convince Dad that D isn’t really his son.”

Dante: “How are you gonna do that?”

Alucard: “How hard can it be? Dad’s half out of it anyway.”

Dante: “This is true.”

Alucard: “Now get back there and distract D so I can talk to Dad privately.”

Dante: “You got it.”

(he leaves the room.)

Alucard: *calls* “Dad! Can you come in here a moment?”

Dracula’s voice: “Dammit! Those voices are in my head again! I told you I *don’t* want to subscribe to your newsletter!”

D’s voice: “That’s Alucard calling you from the other room, dad.”

Dracula’s voice: “Oh! Be right back!”

(alucard scowls but then he quickly puts on a look of concern as dracula enters)

Alucard: “Dad, we really need to talk.”

Dracula: *gasp* “Are you pregnant?”

Alucard: “No… Dad, I’m a man.”

Dracula: “Oh. Right. Your hair confuses me sometimes.”

Alucard: “Dad, I need to talk to you about D.”

Dracula: “D’s great, isn’t he? He’s the best son I ever made!”

Alucard: *frowns* “That’s just it, dad. D…isn’t really your son.”

Dracula: “Lies!”

Alucard: “I’m sorry, dad, but I did some research and—“

Dracula: “No! You’re a liar, Alucard! Of course D is my son! I have his birth certificate right here!” *takes out really old piece of paper and sighs happily* “I’ve slept with it in my coffin every night since he was born…”

Alucard: *twitch* “Oh. How nice.”

Dracula: “Now stop making up lies about your brother and come play the game with us, Alucard! I’m the shoe!”

(he flounces out. alucard puts a hand to his head and looks down. dante comes back in moment later)

Dante: “How’d it go?”

Alucard: “…………………”

Dante: “…Not well I guess.”

Alucard: *looks up* “That’s it. No more playing around. I have to get rid of that stupid jerk that’s supposedly my brother once and for all!”

Dante: “Al, maybe you should just take a break and *talk* to D. You know he really—“

Alucard: *gives him a bad look* “I see you don’t want to help! That’s fine, Dante! I can do this myself!”

(and with that he stomps off)

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(back to seifer, he is holding a clipboard of his own and marking things off…)

Seifer: “Reservation at a romantic restaurant? Check. Flowers? Check. Shampagnay, check. Gift of jewelry? Check.” *grins* “How can she not go for this? This is gonna be the most romantic date ever!” *thinks* “But what kind of shampagnay should I get…?”

(sephiroth and twilight come over)

Twilight: “Hey dofus! Sign our petition!”

Sephiroth: “…Not the best approach there, Twilight.”

Twilight: “What? He is a dofus.”

Sephiroth: “I know. But we also want him to sign.”

Seifer: “Sign what?”

Sephiroth: “This. Do you hate Auron?”

Seifer: *shrugs* “Don’t really care.”

Sephiroth: “That’s good enough for me.”

Seifer: *signing* “Hey, do you guys know any good types of shampagnay?”

Sephiroth: *blink blink* “What?”

Seifer: “Shampagnay.”

Sephiroth: “…Do you mean champagne?”

Seifer: *frowns* “That’s not how it’s spelled…” *looks back at his list*

Twilight: “That’s why I called him a dofus!”

Sephiroth: “I was wrong to doubt you.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(back to our three heroines, they all run into the wizard’s cove out of breath. there is a table set up and a bunch of really geeky looking guys are playing some kind of game that involves a map and small plastic figures)

Shell: “Why’d we have to run all the way in here?”

Lark: “Because I want to get this whole quest over with!”

Ashley: “Well if our quest was to find uber nerds we’d be more than successful.”

Geek 1: “I attack with my plus three mace!”

Geek 2: “Well I block with my +4 shield!” *rolls dice* “Darn it! Only a 2?!”

Geek 1: “Ha ha! Now *I* run the army of Ondor!”

Shell: “…Scary.”

Lark: “Let’s find someone who works here.”

(they go up to the counter to find a girl not much unlike themselves working there)

Girl: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Lark: “We’re looking for a Playstation.”

Girl: “A PS thr—“

Lark: “One. The original.”

Girl: “Oh! Okay. Well we have a few of those!”

Ashley: “Can we see them? We’re looking for a specific one.”

Girl: “Sure! Just a minute.”

(she goes to the back of the store. the girls stand there in silence a moment. shell is still watching the boys play their game.)

Shell: “…Must pick up a lot of hot guys working in this place.”

Lark: “Hey, if they have what we’re looking for I will kiss every one of those nerds.”

(the girl comes back with 5 playstations)

Girl: “This is all we have.”

(Ashley frantically looks them all over, but then shakes her head sadly)

Ashley: “Nope. Not what we’re looking for.”

Lark: “Are you kidding me?!”

Girl: “What are you looking for?”

Ashley: “We’re looking for one that has an extra button on the side.”

Shell: “Have you ever seen one like that?”

Girl: *shakes head no* “I’ve been working here awhile, but I’ve never seen one like that. Sorry.”

Girls: *crushed* “That’s okay…”

(they walk back outside the store looking truly depressed.)

Lark: “…I don’t believe this. After all this time…”

Ashley: “Where else can we go? I’m outta ideas…”

Shell: “Where else can you get outdated stuff pretty much nobody else wants…?”

(they all ponder that for a moment, then they look at one another in excitement)

Girls: “Ebay!!”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(meanwhile, barret and red are with bugenhagen at the planetarium. red is in front leading the way)

Red: “This movie about the planet Uranus is supposed to very interesting.”

Barret: “Yo, baa baa black sheep! Don’t be callin’ planets insultin’ names!”

Red: “…Uranus is the name of the planet, you buffoon.”

Barret: “Yo! Don’t be tryin’ to trick me into thinkin’ they named a planet after parta yo’ ass!”

Red: “………I simply cannot take this anymore.” *walks away*

Barret: “Yo! Where you be goin’, rat/cow/moose/rat? Don’t be leavin’ me here wit’ yo’ crazy ass grandpa!”

Red: “I’ll be right back! But only because of grandfather!”

(he leaves. barret looks at bugenhagen awkwardly)

Bugenhagen: “Ho ho ho…everything smells like crystal butterflies…”

Barret: “Yo, dat there crazy ass grandson a yours dumped our asses! That damn camel!”

Bugenhagen: “Ho ho ho! He’s not a camel!”

Barret: “Then what the hell he be, you so smart?”

Bugenhagen: “He’s a—“

(suddenly there’s a loud beeping noise)

Voice from loudspeaker: “Attention. The movie is about to begin. Please proceed into the theater.”

Barret: “Damn bitch! Say it again, old man!”

Red: *comes back over* “Let’s go into the theater.”

Barret: “But—“

Red: “If you make another joke about Uranus I will maul you where you stand.”

(red turns and he and bugenhagen head into the theater. barret hangs behind a moment)

Barret: “I gotta find out what that damn horse whisperer really be!”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(back to irvine, he is in the ramble room opening up two beers when trini comes in. she’s all dressed up like she’s going out)

Irvine: “Hey there, beautiful. Took long enough to show your pretty face around here again.”

Trini: “Aw, how sweet. And you got me a beer?”

Irvine: “…Well, they were both for me, but you can have one.”

Trini: *sarcastically* “Thanks.” *takes it* “Have you seen my brother around?”

Irvine: “Nah, he’s probably passed out asleep somewhere after last night. Why?”

Trini: “Just wondering. I wanted to tell him about the date I have tonight.”

Irvine: *visibly stiffens in shock* “…Date? What date?”

Trini: “Oh, I met this guy last night on my way to the bathroom. Really hot. We’re going to a club.”

Irvine: “…………………”

Trini: “Uh…planet to Irvine…you okay over there?”

Irvine: “………You’re just going out with some dude you met on the way to the bathroom?”

Trini: “Yeah…so what?”

Irvine: “You don’t even know him! He could be an axe murderer or somethin’!”

Trini: “Irvine?! Are you kidding me? Didn’t you meet a girl while you were *in* the bathroom once?”

Irvine: “I stumbled into the wrong one by accident, but that’s besides the point!”

Trini: “I think you’re a hypocrite! What are you…jealous or something? Because we’re not dating! You and I don’t date, remember? We’re just friends with major benefits!”

Irvine: *long pause* “…I’m not jealous!” *pause* “……Fine. Go on your date. Have a good time.”

Trini: “I will.” *winks* “See ya.”

(she walks off. irvine puts a hand to his head looking totally confused)

Irvine: “…What is wrong with me…??”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(meanwhile, rufus has returned home from his meeting. he is standing by the answering machine in his office. it is blinking for one message. he presses the button to retrieve the message)

Answering Machine: “You. Have. One. New. Message. Message. One.”

Voice on machine: “Hey, Rufus! It’s Nelo Angelo! I—“

Rufus: *presses delete button*

Answering Machine: “Message. Deleted.”

Rufus: “Dammit!”

Elena: *sticks her head in* “What’s wrong, sweetie?”

Rufus: “I didn’t get any messages from anyone who wanted to work at Franswa’s restaurant!”

Elena: “But I thought that one message—“

Rufus: “Anyone who I *wanted* to work at the restaurant!” *sigh* “Elena…am I a bad employer?”

Elena: “…………………………”

Rufus: “…Elena?”

Elena: “Rufus, as your employee, I really don’t wanna answer that.”

Rufus: “I’ll take that as a yes!” *pouts*

Elena: “I’m sorry, but having stock options does not mean you get to pick what you want to stock on the shelves in the storage closet.”

Rufus: “My lawyers said I could get away with it!”

(he walks into the kitchen and elena follows him)

Elena: “Anyway, did you talk to Lark yet?”

Rufus: “No! I’ve been insanely busy all day! I haven’t even eaten!”

Elena: “Don’t forget about it.”

Rufus: *sigh* “I won’t.” *mutters* “Why couldn’t anyone have looked at Reeve?”

(rufus picks up an apple and is about to bite into it when there’s a knock at the door)

Elena: “I’ll get it.”

Rufus: “If that’s Reno you can tell him I am not letting him get away with his bring your beer to work day! Beer is not a child!”

(elena opens the door. it’s sephiroth and twilight)

Sephiroth: “Hello! Don’t you look lovely today!”

Elena: *blink blink* “What do you want?”

Twilight: “We’re just looking for some signatures on our petition.”

Sephiroth: “Right! Our petition to kick Auron out of the ramble room.”

Elena: “Auron? Why?”

Sephiroth: “Because! Who do you think has been running up the phone bill dialing those sex hotlines?”

Elena: “Irvine and Reno?”

Sephiroth: “No! Him! He’s a lonely old freak!”

Twilight: “I feel bad for Rufus having to pay that bill every month!”

Rufus: *storms over* “Me too! This is the best idea you ever had, Sephiroth!” *signs and gives elena the pen*

Elena: *hesitates* “Is it *really* him?”

Sephiroth: “Did you ever find any crumpled up paper towels lying near the couch in the ramble room?”

Elena: “…Yes…”

Sephiroth: “Don’t make me keep going…”

Elena: “Fine, I’ll sign!” *signs*

Twilight: “Thank you!”

Sephiroth: “Have a pleasant day.”

(they leave and start heading back down the hallway)

Twilight: “That stuff about the phone was a great idea!”

Sephiroth: “That phone has been a sore spot for Rufus for what seems like forever. I’m just glad I got to exploit it at Auron’s expense.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(whatever…squall is in his room lounging on his bed reading weapons monthly)

Squall: *mutters* “Ten energy crystals? …For *that*? …Whatever.”

(there’s an angry knocking sound)

Squall: “Come in.”

(it’s rinoa. and she does not look happy)

Rinoa: “I see you look really upset that I’m mad at you!”

Squall: “…You’re mad at me?”

Rinoa: “Argh! Yes! That’s why I yelled at you about not wanting to get married and stormed out of the room!”

Squall: “Oh.”

Rinoa: “Do you have anything you want to say about that?!”

Squall: *opens his mouth to speak*

Rinoa: “Anything besides ‘whatever’?!”

Squall: *closes his mouth*

Rinoa: “…Look, Squall. I want to get married some day. And if you don’t want to marry me, this isn’t going to work. So you better think about what you really want. Because we’re through otherwise!”

(and before he can get another whatever in, she storms out, slamming the door behind her. squall sighs and shakes his head)

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(meanwhile, squall’s friend zell is still trying to find some workers for franswa’s restaurant. he’s knocking on the door of the condo occupied by the ffxii guys. vaan answers)

Zell: “Hi! Uh, Vaan, right?”

Vaan: “Yeah. You’re Zell?”

Zell: “Yeah, I’m Zell! Anybody here looking for a job?”

Vaan: “Eh, Basch is a soldier, Balthier’s a sky pirate and I’m pretty busy down at the strip club, so I’d haveta say no.”

Zell: *frowns* “Oh.”

Vaan: “Why?”

Zell: “A friend of mine has a restaurant opening up soon and he needs a staff!”

Vaan: “Oh.” *pause* “Well there were some guys going around the neighborhood earlier. They were looking for jobs.”

Zell: *excitedly* “Really?!”

Vaan: “Yeah.” *pause* “But I use the word ‘guys’ really kinda loosely.”

Zell: “Thanks!! That’s great!”

(and with that he goes running off)

Vaan: *shuts the door muttering* “That guy in the armor was a freak…”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(meanwhile, back to zidane and bryatt. zidane is now cleaning each individual bristle in algus’ very expensive hair brush. bryatt enters the room with a list)

Bryatt: “Okay, here we go! A list of reasons why you should quit working for Algus!”

Zidane: “That was fast.”

Bryatt: “It wasn’t hard.” *starts reading* “Number one! Algus treats you like crap.”

Zidane: *shrugs* “Eh, so do a lot of other people.”

Bryatt: “Number two! Algus treats you like complete worthless scum.”

Zidane: “Again, so do a lot of other people. …Once they see the tail.”

Bryatt: *frowns* “Number three. You are better than the pointless chores he makes you do.”

Zidane: “Nah, not really. Algus says I don’t even do most of them very well.”

Bryatt: *frowns more* “Number four. You are wasting your life for nothing!”

Zidane: “There’s not really much of anything to waste.” *pause* “You’ve seen the tail, right?”

Bryatt: “Omg! Is this all about the tail?”

Zidane: “No!” *pause* “Well, a chunk of it. I’m also just not that bright.”

Bryatt: “What?! What are you talking about?! See – you’ve been listening to Algus too long, and now you’ve started to believe him!”

Zidane: “Bryatt, I really appreciate you thinking so much of me, but…this is really who I am. No fooling. This is it. Doesn’t get any better.”

(bryatt looks furious. he throws the list down to the floor and points a finger at zidane)

Bryatt: “You are stupid.” *starts to leave but stops and turns back* “But not in the way you think!”

(with that he leaves the room)

Zidane: “Bryatt, wait! Are you dumping me??”

(he runs to the door, but bryatt is long gone. with a sigh he comes back into the room and picks the list up off the floor. he gives it a look over)

Zidane: *mutters* “He just doesn’t understand… It’s just not that easy for me…”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(meanwhile, it looks like shadow has gotten hold of a cardboard box and has hidden himself underneath it. he’s shuffling along, the box tottering back and forth on his back as snake watches with a frown)

Shadow: “See? See? I’m stealthy!”

Snake: “…I can see your feet. You fail.”

(shadow drops his body down and the box falls to the floor)

Snake: “You’d have to drop a lot of porn mags for the terrorists to overlook that sorry excuse for box sneaking!”

Shadow: *peeks his head out* “But doesn’t a moving box look strange anyway?”

(sephiroth comes over. twilight is standing far away, laughing his head off)

Sephiroth: “Look…I don’t really want to get involved in your lunacy, so if you’ll just sign this I’ll be on my way.”

Snake: “Is this for the terrorists? You don’t need to know my name!”

Sephiroth: “Then sign somebody else’s name for all I care!”

(snake signs. shadow gets up from under the box)

Shadow: “What can I do to improve?”

Snake: “Nothing. You’re a loser.”

Shadow: *frowns* “But I’m a ninja!” *to sephiroth* “Aren’t I a good ninja?”

Sephiroth: “Sure! Sure you’re a…whatever you’re claiming to be. Just sign this.”

(still frowning, shadow signs. sephiroth then runs off triumphantly)

Snake: “You’re a failure! Accept it and leave me alone!” *he smacks the side of his head* “Damn Colonel! Shut up!”

(and with that he turns and walks away. but shadow watches as a small object falls out of snake’s ear and lands neatly in the grass below. snake doesn’t notice. he leaves and shadow bends down to retrieve the object. he studies it in confusion)

Shadow: “Hmm…I wonder…” *shoves it in his ear* “Hello? Otakon?”

Otakon: “Go away, Snake!”

Shadow: “This isn’t Snake. …This is Shadow.”

Otakon: “…Omg. Did you kill Snake?”

Shadow: “Well—“

Otakon: “Thank you!!! Thank you so much! I thought that whack job would never shut up! That guy’s been involved in way too much government testing if ya ask me.”

Shadow: “…I didn’t kill him. He just dropped this.”

Otakon: “…Oh. Well that’s just as good.”

Shadow: “So you’re Otakon?”

Otakon: “No! No! That is not my name! It’s Otacon! And that’s not even my real name either. It’s my code name!”

Shadow: *eagerly* “Shadow is my code name!”

Otakon: “Yeah, well do me a favor, Shadow. Don’t give Snake this Codec back!”

Shadow: “Is that what this thing is called? A Codec?”

Otakon: “Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s a communications device designed to be used for stealth missions.”

Shadow: “I’m stealthy!”

Otakon: “Look, just do me a favor and destroy it.”

Shadow: “Destroy it? Why? I have so many questions!”

Otakon: *sighs and mutters* “I’m trying to watch Cool Devices here…” *sigh* “Fine, fine. What is it?”

Shadow: “Who are you?”

Otakon: “I’m a scientist, okay? That’s all you need to know.”

Shadow: “Does Snake work for you?”

Otakon: “No! I haven’t even seen Snake in years! Snake retired years ago! It just seems like he can’t let go of the past, the crazy old loon!”

Shadow: *blink blink* “…Crazy…old…loon?”

Otakon: “Yeah! He’s nuts! Delusional! Now is there anything else, or can I go back to watching my questionable porn?”

Shadow: *frowns* “Yeah…that’s it.”

Otakon: “Good! Now destroy that thing!”

(and with that there’s static. shadow frowns and takes the codec from his ear and stares at it)

Shadow: “…Crazy? Does everyone think I’m crazy too?”

(just at that moment, locke comes around the corner)

Locke: “Hey, Shadow! You done being crazy yet? I’m going to return this crappy metal detector!”

Shadow: “I…” *closes his mouth* “…I have to find Interceptor.”

(and with that he slips the codec into his pocket and walks away, leaving behind a confused looking locke.)

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(at the belmont house, franswa is in the kitchen baking something when juste comes in)

Juste: “Franswa, I need to talk to you.”

Franswa: “Is it about dad continually watching those Samuel L. Jackson movies? Because I’m beginning to worry myself.”

Juste: “No. It’s about your cousin.”

Franswa: *pales* “Oh. Well I don’t know anything about him.”

Juste: “I know you’re lying, Franswa. You eye always twitches when you lie.”

Franswa: *covers twitching eye with his hand* “No *you* lie!”

(speaking of hugh, he comes in, a hand weight in each fist. he keeps lifting them up and down)

Hugh: “Look what I can do! These are thirty pound weights! And I’m not having the least bit of trouble!”

Juste: “Is something wrong with you, Hugh?”

Hugh: “Me? No! I’m better than ever! Look how strong I am!” *lifts weights over his head* “Only a strong, masculine man like myself could do this!”

(tifa comes in and glances up at hugh’s weights)

Tifa: “…Hugh. What are you doing with my weights?”

Hugh: “…Being a man!” *runs out crying*

Tifa: *blink blink*

Juste: *turns to franswa* “Franswa, don’t lie to your grandfather! Tell me what Rufus was talking about!”

Franswa: “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

Tifa: *sigh* “Has anyone besides me tried to talk to Richter today?”

Juste: “He seemed quite glued to those moving pictures.”

Tifa: “Yeah! And he’s being a jerk! I tried to talk to him about the wedding, but he barely listened to me! I don’t think he’s taking it seriously at all!”

Franswa: “Well…dad is a guy. I don’t think he’s really interested in wedding planning.”

Tifa: “He’s certainly interested in making sure every living and dead Belmont relative shows up!”

Juste: “That…has always been a bit of a problem.”

(the doorbell rings)

Hugh’s voice: “I’LL GET IT!”

(you can hear him thundering down the stairs and racing to the front door. minutes later he comes in frowning, sephiroth at his heels)

Sephiroth: “Hi, friendly neighbors! Mind signing your name on my little sheet here? I’d really appreciate it!”

Tifa: *looks suspicious* “Since when are you so friendly?”

Sephiroth: “I’ve always depended on the kindness of strangers!”

Tifa: *blink blink* “What?”

Sephiroth: *frowns* “I don’t know, I heard it in a play once. Just sign it! It’s to save trees!”

Juste: “We need to kill trees to make stakes to kill vampires!”

Sephiroth: “Well what a coincidence! It’s also about killing vampires!”

Hugh: “Where do I sign!?”

(they all sign.)

Sephiroth: “Thank you so much. Together we can make a difference. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll just go gather the rest of the signatures I need and let myself out.”

(he leaves. there’s a long pause)

Juste: “…What were we talking about again?”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(back to tseng, he has gone outside to find reeve, who is sitting on the porch swing looking rather glum. tseng sits down next to him but reeve doesn’t even look at him)

Tseng: “Why did you run out on me like that?”

Reeve: “…You said you didn’t want to talk about it.”

Tseng: “Well now I do. Let’s talk about it.”

Reeve: “……I don’t want to talk about it.”

Tseng: “…What? Why not?”

Reeve: “Because you only want to talk about it because I’m upset.”

Tseng: “That’s not true!”

Reeve: “Yes it is. …And you know it.”

Tseng: *pause* “Reeve… I… I don’t want you to be mad at me about this. I want to talk. I know this is something that’s important to you. And what’s important to you is important to me too. It’s just… Well…you wouldn’t want me to lie to you, would you? Say I want another child right now when… Well?”

Reeve: “……………………”

(there is a long pause. then…)

Tseng: “…Reeve, do you think I’m selfish?”

Reeve: “Yes.”

Tseng: *eyes flash* “Yes?”

Reeve: “Yes.”

Tseng: “How could—What—Why were you so quick to answer?”

Reeve: “Because it’s true, Tseng. You *are* selfish. You have your kid! I don’t need one!”

Tseng: *on his feet* “STOP thinking like that, Reeve! She is *our* child! OURS!”

Reeve: “You don’t understand! I shouldn’t even waste my breath! You can’t possibly see it like I do!”

Tseng: “I’m trying! But you’re not helping me!”

Reeve: “No, you can’t! And you know why? Because—“

Tseng: “Because I’m selfish? Reeve, is that what you *really* think of me? Really??”

(reeve looks at him for a good long moment before just turning around and walking away. tseng just stands there, nearly shaking with anger…)

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(back at the therapy center, cid is trying to teach halley something. he doesn’t notice the doors open behind him at first…)

Cid: “Don’t worry! You keep practicin’ and you’ll be able to burp the whole alphabet!”

??????: “What you teachin’ my kid?”

(cid turns around to come face to face with edward)

Cid: “*You*? What the #$@% are *you* doin’ here? Didn’t Koudelka shove you the #$%@ out the door this morning?”

Edward: “I came to see my son! You got some kind of problem with that?”

Cid: “Koudelka might.”

Edward: “Well it don’t look like Koudelka’s here. So she can’t say nothin’ about it.”

Cid *gives edward a little shove* “But I can.”

Edward: “You can’t do anything! I’m his father!”

Cid: “Koudelka must have a good #$%@#$% reason for why she doesn’t want him #$%^@#% around you!”

Edward: “Don’t #@$#%^ talk to me like that in front of my @#$%@$% son!!”

(and with that he throws a punch at cid, which cid ducks. he then comes up swinging. they both start punching each other and screaming curses back and forth. halley screams and runs behind the desk for protection.)

Halley: “Mom!!”

(koudelka comes running in and when she sees the fight she looks pissed. she runs over and pushes them apart)

Koudelka: “What the HELL do you think you’re doing?!”

Both: *point at each other* “He started it!”

Koudelka: “How dare you fight in front of my son!”

Edward: “Hey! He’s my son t—“

Koudelka: “Shut up!” *glares at edward* “You! Get out!”

Edward: “What?! But I—“

Cid: *smiles smugly*

Koudelka: *looks at cid* “And you! You get out too!”

Cid: *eyes widen* “What?! But I was #$@%$%^–“

Koudelka: “I don’t want to see either of your faces right now! And I don’t want to see you back in here until you get your problems sorted out! I can’t live with you two fighting like this! You’re both grown men! Act like it!”

(with that she grabs them both by the collar and shoves them out the door. she then locks the door and ushers halley into the back of the center. the lights in the front of the center go out. edward and cid both stand there looking depressed for a moment. then they look at one another angrily)

Edward: “This is all *your* fault!”

Cid: “My fault?! You @#@^@#$%^$#*!”

Both: *glare* “I’ll never get along with you!”

(and with that they stalk off in opposite directions)

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(back to reno, he is still trying to hide behind his paper, but he looks half asleep. phoenix wright is still talking)

Phoenix: “…And that’s basically the short version.”

Reno: *mouths in confusion* The *short* version?!

Sunshine: “Interesting! Oh, do you want a fresh cup?”

Phoenix: “I’ve been looking for the waitress…”

(they both look over to find the waitress standing in front of reno, who has his face totally covered by the newspaper)

Waitress: “You can’t sit here for free all afternoon, sir! You have to order something, or I’ll have you thrown out!”

Reno: *mutters* “Still thinking…”

Waitress: “Well then you can think outside. There are people waiting for this table.”

Reno: *peeks out from behind the paper* “You know, you’re not the only one who can be rude! I—“

Sunshine: *gasp* “Reno???”

Reno: *freezes* “Uh…” *smiles at her* “Oh! Sun! What a coincidence! Heh heh heh… I, uh, guess you like coffee?”

Sunshine: “Reno…were you *spying* on me?”

Reno: “No! I was just sitting here relaxing and reading. Reading the…” *glances at name of paper* “Prohibitionist Weekly?!” *throws it down in disgust* “Ugh! I can’t believe I even *touched* that!”

Sunshine: “So you were spying.”

Reno: “Um…”

Sunshine: “I’m shocked! I’m *really* shocked actually.” *pause* “You? Reno? Spying on me with another guy?” *pause* “…You just didn’t seem like the type.”

Reno: *hangs his head* “…Yeah. I know.”

(and before sunshine can say another word, reno runs out of the place. sunshine’s jaw just drops)

Phoenix: “…Friend of yours?”

Sunshine: “…You could say that.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(back at the castle, dante goes up to alucard’s room and knocks on the door)

Dante: “…Al? I know you’re in there!” *pause* “Still mad about the thing with your brother?” *no answer* “If it makes ya feel any better, I think the bastard cheated at monopoly. Shouldn’t have let him be the banker!” *still no answer* “Al! Al, come on! We can prank call Lloyd some more! That always cheers you up!”

(the door finally opens, but alucard is not smiling. in fact he just strides past dante and starts heading downstairs. dante jogs after him)

Dante: “Are you mad at me?”

Alucard: “…………………”

Dante: “You can’t be mad at *me*! Me!”

Alucard: “………………”

Dante: *sighs and stops walking* “Where are you going, Al?”

Alucard: *stops* “…Where do you think? To get rid of my brother!”

(he starts walking again. dante starts following him again)

Dante: “Al, wait!”

(But alucard keeps going. he comes into the living room where d and dracula are now playing cards)

Dracula: “It’s about time you showed up, chamber maid! I need a new pair of ducks!”

Alucard: *to d* “You’re an imposter.”

D: *blink blink* “I’m sorry…?”

Alucard: “You can’t be my brother. Father has written down every woman he’s ever been with, and none of them are vampires!”

(he slams down this huge book on the table. dracula looks at the book and then leans over to dante)

Dracula: *loudly whispers* “Because they’re whores!”

D: *blinks in confusion* “How do you know they’re not vampires?”

Alucard: *picks up book* “Because he also writes the species next to the name. And they all say human.” *pause* “Well, except for this one weird entry that says mermaid.”

Dracula: *blink blink* “How’d I manage that?”

D: “Well that doesn’t matter.”

Alucard: “Of course it matters! Yes, it’s pretty sick that dad kept a detailed list of everyone he’s been with, and really kind of disturbing, but it proves that *you* cannot really be his son and your mother was a lying whore!”

D: “…My mother was a human.”

Alucard: *blink blink* “…What?”

D: “She was a human, my mother. Just like yours.”

Alucard: *totally shocked* “But…but…you…you don’t look human in the least.”

D: “It’s the black hair and the red eyes, I bet. A lot of people are fooled.” *chuckles* “But it’s okay! I really am your brother!”

(alucard could not look more furious. his hand starts to shake, he turns totally red, and he looks as though steam is about to shoot from his ears)

Alucard: “……………………No.”

D: “What’s that?”

Alucard: “…..No! NO! You are *not* my brother! I don’t care what human tramp my dad slept with – you are NOT my brother! You can’t just waltz into our lives after hundreds of years and just be part of our family! I’ll never accept you! Never! You’ll never be any brother of mine!!” *then turns to dracula* “After all I’ve done for you! I should have let you kill yourself years ago, you crazy, decrepit LIAR!”

Dante: “Al…”

Alucard: “Don’t touch me!”

(and with that he storms off, leaving dante and d looking shocked. dracula just sighs and shakes his head)

Dracula: “I really need to fire that chamber maid.” *cheerfully* “Now where were we?”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(meanwhile, lloyd and his group are sitting on the curb again, and they look really down and out. even lloyd looks like he’s given up.)

Nemesis: *sadly* “…STARS.”

Lloyd: “I don’t really understand what you’re saying, but I think we kinda feel the same way.”

Nightmare: “Nightmare knew this would be a waste of time! Now there’s no time to make tap dancing class!”

Lloyd: *sadly* “I guess I was wrong. …I guess… I guess no one *does* want to hire us.”

(there’s silence. then lloyd stands up.)

Lloyd: “I guess we should just go home.”

(they turn to leave. but they don’t get very far before…)

????: “Lloyd! Lloyd! Wait up!”

Lloyd: *big sigh* “It’s Vergil! Or Nelo Angelo!”

(the group turns around to see zell running over.)

Zell: “Uh, sorry, uh L-er…whatever. Um, I heard you guys are looking for jobs?”

Lloyd: *eagerly* “We sure are!”

Zell: “Great! Because I’m looking for some employees for this great new restaurant! You guys interested?”

Lloyd: “Are you kidding?! You bet!”

Zell: “Great! Well just show up tomorrow! Here’s the address.”

(he hands lloyd a business card)

Lloyd: “I think I’ve been here before…”

Zell: “Well, see you tomorrow!”

(he walks away. nightmare and nemesis lean over to look at the address)

Lloyd: “See! I told you! You both doubted me, but I told you Triple N incorporated had what it takes!”

Nightmare: “We were there this morning! Former boss kicked us out! Said he didn’t want to hire us again!”

Lloyd: “Yeah, but this time we’ll be prepared!” *dramatically* “To the costume store!”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(back to cloud and zack, they are standing in the ramble room, each holding a notepad)

Zack: “Okay, now that that’s over with, let’s talk about what we discovered.”

Cloud: “Fine. First of all…”

(and we shall now flash back to a little earlier in the day. there cloud and zack are sitting there with their notepads. rudy is sitting in front of them, rocking back and forth and humming circus music softly. jack is on the phone in the background. hanpan is nowhere in sight. zack and cloud both look uncomfortable. the place where jack and rudy are living right now is a mess. there is wind mouse hair all over the place.)

Zack: “Uh…is he gonna be on the phone much longer?”

Rudy: “The wind mouse thinks I don’t know where he’s hiding, but I know!”

Zack: “……Okay………”

Jack: *on the phone* “Cecilia, you’ve gotta believe me! Things are better now! I’m in therapy! Koudelka says I’m really working through my issues!” *frowns* “Is that Berserk in the background? Don’t tell me you’re seeing him!!! He’s a monster!” *long pause* “I don’t care how many hours of Lifetime television he watched! The guy once swallowed a kitten! ………I don’t care how hungry he was! Cecilia, you have to come back! We miss you! We’re a team! Rudy misses you! …………………………Uh, he’s……………improving.” *long pause* “Uh, Hanpan’s…uh…doin’ good…” *pause* “No, the place is still not covered in mouse hair! …Hello? Hello? Cecilia?” *sighs and hangs up* “Dammit.”

Cloud: “Um, Jack?”

Jack: “Oh right! You wanted to talk about therapy, right? Sure, sure! I love therapy! It’s really helped me with my recent…problems.” *comes and sits next to rudy*

Rudy: *smells jack and frowns* “You smell like the mouse.”

Jack: “Only because we’re friends! It’s not like that!”

Rudy: “You lie! You’re a liar!”

Jack: “No, Rudy! You know I only have eyes for you!”

(but rudy looks pissed and stomps off. jack starts to sob hysterically, his head in his hands. cloud and zack exchange another awkward look)

Jack: *sobbing* “I didn’t used to be like this, you know! I was successful! I had friends! My hair wasn’t falling out in clumps! But ever since Rudy got better, everything has fallen apart!” *sobs some more*

Zack: *looks at cloud* “………I think we better go.”

(and we now flash over to the chrono cross gang. karsh and riddell are sitting on the couch facing cloud and zack)

Karsh: “So you came to talk to us about Serge’s therapy?”

Zack: “We have a few questions.”

Riddell: “We’d be happy to answer them. Therapy has really…changed Serge.”

(at that moment a skeleton dressed like a clown runs out in the back of the room, behind where karsh and riddell are sitting. zack and cloud see him run by, waving his bony arms wildly and screaming his head off. then serge runs in, holding a folding chair over his head. karsh and riddell don’t bat an eye)

Serge: “I’ll kill you!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

(they run out. cloud and zack look shocked)

Riddell: “So what would you like to know?”

Zack: “…I think we have everything we need, thanks.”

(back to the present. cloud and zack are standing there just staring at each other)

Both: “…I don’t know if we can really do this.”

(before either can elaborate, sephiroth and twilight come in)

Sephiroth: “Ah! You two haven’t signed yet!”

(he thrusts it at zack. zack, looking totally out of it, signs. sephiroth then does the same to cloud, who also blindly signs. sephiroth looks shocked)

Sephiroth: “That was easy.”

Twilight: “Well they do spend a lot of time at that whacko therapy center, right?”

Sephiroth: “That’s true.”

Twilight: “Whatever happened to that stupid therapist you went to?”

Sephiroth: “Now that’s a story worth hearing!”

(they leave.)

Cloud: “So…what are we going to do now?”

Zack: *hesitates for a long time* “………I………don’t…………know…………”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(back to edgar and setzer. they have come to a small house in the middle of nowhere. setzer knocks on the door. edgar looks nervous)

Edgar: “What if he says no?”

Setzer: “Why would he say no?”

Edgar: “……I don’t know…but what if he does?”

Setzer: “You’re twins. Don’t you have twin ESP or something?”

Edgar: “What?”

Setzer: “Never mind.”

(the door opens. sabin is standing there. he looks confused at first, but then he smiles)

Sabin: “Setzer! Bro! What a surprise! What brings you all the way out here?”

Edgar: “I have an important question for you, brother.”

Sabin: “Ooh, must be really important if you came all the way out here. Come in!”

(they do, but stand awkwardly near the doorway. sabin goes into the fridge)

Sabin: “You guys wanna beer or something?”

Edgar: “No, thank you. We really can’t stay.”

(sabin emerges from the fridge with a beer. he pops the top and takes a drink)

Sabin: “You look bad, Ed. Something wrong?”

Edgar: “No… Well, sort of, I suppose. I’m in a bind, actually. And you’re the only one that can help me.”

Sabin: “Spit it out already!”

Edgar: “Well…the fact is I need to have a child. I’m being pressured by…well, you know how the system works. Anyway, I’ve been informed that I will be unable to father a child myself. The baby has to be of royal lineage. …That is where I need your help.”

Sabin: *blink blink* “…Are you kidding me?”

Edgar: “Would I come all this way to kid you?”

(sabin looks shocked. he wanders away a little, running a hand through his hair.)

Sabin: “*That’s* what you want with me? My…my…my *stuff*?”

Edgar: “…To put it crudely…”

Sabin: *harshly* “No!”

Edgar: *shocked* “…What?”

Sabin: “No, Edgar! The last thing we both wanted was to be king! I’m not going to force my kid into it!”

Edgar: “But—“

Sabin: “And what happened to you, Ed? I thought you felt the same way I did! That’s why we flipped the coin!”

Edgar: “…I know. But…I…I guess I realized that I did myself a favor when I rigged our coin toss, brother. I really care about Figaro. I care about the people. And I do not want to risk their well being to someone outside the family. Figaro runs in our blood. How can we not do our best to serve it?”

(there is a long pause. sabin and edgar stare at each other. then sabin slowly shakes his head again)

Sabin: “…I’m glad you feel that way, Edgar. You’ve done a great job. But I can’t… We may be twins, but we’re really not alike at all. I can’t force a child of mine into that life. I’m…sorry.”

(edgar looks crushed. he turns to leave)

Edgar: “…Very well. I see you’ve made your choice.”

Sabin: “Don’t hate me for it, brother.”

(edgar pauses, his hand on the door knob)

Edgar: “……I can’t hate you for being true to yourself, Sabin.”

(and with those words, setzer and edgar leave. edgar looks furious)

Edgar: “My own brother… I should have known that would be his reaction. This was all a waste of time!”

Setzer: “Don’t sweat it. We’ll think of something—“

Edgar: “What?! What else can possibly be done!? This is the end of the road, Setzer. Don’t waste another moment thinking about it.”

(he stalks off. but it is clear setzer is continuing to think about it….)

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(back to the losers…lucretia is dragging hojo out the door. he’s doing his best to try and stay behind)

Lucretia: “We don’t talk enough anymore, Alexander! Let me take you out for dinner!”

Hojo: “Please, Lucretia! I still need to fix the mess you left in my lab!”

Lucretia: “It was already a mess!”

Hojo: “But it was *my* mess!”

(but he’s unsuccessful in his attempt and she drags him out. heidegger and stinky are also heading out the door)

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! That all you can eat buffet will curse the day they opened! Gya haa haa!”

Stinky: *snort*

(they leave. kuja then enters the room and looks around expectantly. when he doesn’t see anyone around he crosses his arms and pouts. seymour comes in.)

Seymour: “What are you doing?”

Kuja: “Where’s Hojo? He’s usually trying to drag me on an excuse for a date about now. I’m all dressed up!”

Seymour: “I believe he already went out with Lucretia.”

Kuja: “That tramp?! Now what am I going to do!? I look too good not to flaunt myself about town!”

Seymour: *awkwardly* “…………I could take you out.”

Kuja: “*You*?”

Seymour: “Why not?”

Kuja: *looks seymour up and down several times* “Well…you don’t look quite as bad as usual. And *do* hate to waste my attractiveness…” *sigh* “Very well. But I expect to be taken somewhere good.”

Seymour: *way over excited* “Of course!! We’ll go to the best place!”

(with that he happily grabs kuja’s hand and they leave. several moments later, scarlet walks into the room. she is rubbing her eyes like she has just been crying. she goes over to the remaining pile of her photos and gathers them up before heading over to the garbage can. before she can throw them out, nida comes in)

Nida: “Where is everybody?!”

Scarlet: “What? Oh…I think they all went out.”

Nida: “Yes! That means I can finally break out the cheese doodles without being attacked!” *goes to leave but does a double take* “…What are you doing?”

Scarlet: “Nothing.”

Nida: “What are you doing with those photos then?”

Scarlet: “This garbage? Nothing. Just…getting rid of it.”

Nida: “Getting rid of it?! Why?”

Scarlet: *looks away* “Because… I don’t want this stuff hanging around.”

Nida: “Are there blackmail worthy photos in there? Because I went through them all and didn’t see anything bad.”

Scarlet: *bursts into tears*

Nida: *looks shocked* “…Scarlet?”

Scarlet: “Look at me! Look how beautiful I was! How could I let myself turn into this?! I don’t even recognize this face anymore! I’ve become something so ugly!”

(nida looks totally shocked to see scarlet cry. at first he’s hesitant, but then he slowly comes over to her side)

Nida: “Don’t say that…”

Scarlet: “It’s true! You know it! You always call me an ugly whore!”

Nida: *mutters* “I don’t really think that…”

Scarlet: “Yes you do! Now go away! You’ll just tell everyone you saw the old whore Scarlet crying over what she used to be!”

Nida: “No I won’t! You saw me crying about that singing contest I lost to Squall! And you didn’t tell anyone!”

Scarlet: “…Well you looked so pathetic.”

Nida: “I probably shouldn’t have sung ‘Row, Row, Row Your Boat’. But that’s besides the point.” *pause* “……I’ve always thought you were beautiful, Scarlet.”

Scarlet: “…………………Really?”

Nida: “…Yeah. Really.”

(she looks at him. he looks at her. then they grab each other and start making out like crazy…)

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(while all this is going on, lark, shell and Ashley have high tailed it to a nearby internet café. they plunk down their cash and sit at a computer. lark quickly loads up ebay)

Lark: “How should I search?”

Shell: “Are you kidding? Just type in Playstation!”

Lark: “I can’t just type in Playstation! A million things will come up!”

Ashley: “Try P-S-X.”

Lark: “Good idea.”

(so she types in the abbreviation for the playstation and 1412 results come up)

Ashley: “Okay…”

Lark: “I better add ‘system’ in there.”

(she does. 13 results come up.)

Shell: “That’s a bad number.”

Lark: “Ugh! Some of these are just for the cables!”

Ashley: “I really thought more stuff would come up…”

Lark: “I’ll try something else…”

(she types in playstation system original. 6 items come up)

Ashley: “Ugh, some of these are PS2s.”

Shell: “Maybe we should click on some of these listings that actually *do* fit what we’re looking for.”

(so that’s what lark does.)

Shell: “Why would you buy a system with no controllers, or wires or anything?”

Lark: “That doesn’t really concern me right now…we have the wires and the controllers.”

Shell: “Ooh, mint in box.”

Ashley: “Doesn’t matter, that’s not the right one.”

Lark: “Ugh! None of these look right!”

Shell: “Especially the one that’s broken.”

Lark: *head in her hands* “I don’t believe this. You cannot tell me that there is not another Playstation like it on the planet Earth.”

Shell: “That guy Tony sure did look like he’s dumped a lot of stuff in the river.”

Lark: “Shell… Not now.” *stands up* “There must be another option.”

Ashley and Shell: *exchange a look*

Lark: *desperate* “There has to be something! Something we overlooked!”

Ashley: “The only other thing I can think of…is just getting it fixed.”

Lark: “Getting it fixed?”

Ashley: “Yeah. I know this electronics repair place. I bet they could fix it.”

Lark: “Yeah! Great! I bet it’s something really stupid and easy to fix. We’ll go first thing in the morning!”

Shell: “But what if—“

Lark: *snaps* “There are no ‘what ifs’! They have to fix it! It’s going to be fixed, and that’s the end of it!”

(and with that she stomps out. shell and Ashley exchange a look)

Ashley: “…I hope she’s right.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

(back to sephiroth, he and twilight are looking over their list)

Sephiroth: “Look at all these signatures! How could she possibly not kick him out?”

Twilight: “You gonna show it to her right now?”

Sephiroth: “No. I think I’ll wait until the morning. She’s always in a good mood in the morning before all the annoying people in the ramble room start to ask her about stupid things.”

Twilight: “Got it.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

(after another long drive home, lark and the girls arrive home very late. lark enters her room to find Brady sitting up in bed reading)

Brady: “How’d it go?”

Lark: “Not good… It’s a long story, I don’t really wanna talk about it. I’m tired.”

Brady: “Okay… But is—“

Lark: “We’re going to get it fixed tomorrow.”

Brady: “They can fix it?”

Lark: *harshly* “They *better*.”

(Brady doesn’t say another word, and lark quickly gets into bed and falls asleep ~~~~~~~~~~ dream lines! we are at a stereotypical high school party. beer is everywhere, and everyone’s having a wild and crazy time.)

Reno: “Whoo hoo!! We did it! No more school! No more school!”

Elena: “I thought you were going to community college?”

Reno: “Eh. I plan on cutting class a lot.”

Twilight: “Ew! Why is Nida here?”

Nida: “Hey! I was invited like everybody else!”

Reno: “I don’t remember inviting nerds…”

Nida: “I’m not a nerd! I’m AV Club president!”

Reno: “…I don’t even know what that is…”

Shell: *putting on a necklace* “Love the graduation present, Rude.”

Rude: “Thanks for letting me come to the party.”

Shell: “Of course! You didn’t think I give up a chance to party with my fellow dance team members, would you?”

(meanwhile…)

Tseng: “…Reeve – are you okay? You’ve been really quiet.”

Reeve: “I just can’t believe this is it. It seemed like high school would never end. …But it’s over.”

Tseng: “Yeah, it’s kinda weird I guess. But college will be fun.”

Reeve: “You’re not gonna dump me, right?”

Tseng: “What?! No!”

Reeve: “You won’t find someone else? Someone cooler? And better looking?”

Tseng: “Reeve – no! That is not going to happen. We’re always gonna be there for each other.”

(meanwhile, sephiroth is wandering around, obviously looking for someone. he comes across the basketball team)

Sephiroth: “Has anyone seen Lark?”

Zidane: “Lark? Nope.”

Zell: “You wanna play a pick up game with us?”

Seifer: “Don’t invite him to play!”

Zell: “Why? We’re missing Irvine!”

Seifer: “He pushed me down in gym class once!”

Squall: *snort*

Seifer: “It’s not funny, Squall!”

(sephiroth ignores them and keeps searching…to laguna)

Sephiroth: “Have you seen Lark?”

Laguna: “No, but have you seen the last edition of the school paper? Someone’s photocopied butt is on page 3!”

(to Ashley)

Sephiroth: “Have you seen Lark?”

Ashley: “No… Sorry.”

(to tifa)

Sephiroth: “Have you seen Lark?”

Tifa: “No. Have you seen Reno? I want him to see how hot my boyfriend is.”

(to nida)

Sephiroth: “Have you seen Lark?”

Nida: “Are you dating a teacher?”

(to twilight)

Sephiroth: “Have you seen Lark?”

Twilight: “No, but have you seen page 3 of the dumb paper? That’s my ass!”

(the gundam wing guys)

Sephiroth: “Have you seen Lark?”

Heero: “No.”

Duo: “Do you think wearing your pants backwards is still cool?”

Wufei: “Wufei wonders what is wrong with you!”

(and finally, dante)

Sephiroth: *sigh* “Have you seen Lark?”

Dante: “Maybe, maybe not. Don’t really think she wants to see you anyway.”

Sephiroth: *eyes narrow* “I don’t care about that.”

Dante: “Of course not! Since when do you care about someone other than yourself?”

(sephiroth looks pissed, but then, out of the corner of his eye, he spots lark.)

Sephiroth: *going over* “Lark!”

(if she hears him, she ignores him. she grabs some sodas and keeps going. sephiroth catches up with her and grabs her arm)

Sephiroth: “Lark!”

Lark: *jerks arm away* “Leave me alone!”

Sephiroth: “I need to talk to you.”

Lark: “Forget it. Go away! I can’t believe you came here just to talk to me. You wasted your time!”

(she goes to walk away. he calls after her)

Sephiroth: “So this is it? This is how you’re going to let things end between us? After everything we’ve been through?! You won’t even say good-bye??”

Lark: “……There’s nothing to say good-bye to.”

(lark then wakes up with a start. she is alone in the room and she puts a hand to her head.)

Lark: “….It can’t end this way……”

To Be Continued…

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