#184 – Sailing For Adventure (part three)

Tseng: “So Rufus Shinra, you can just go #$%^ yourself! And you can kiss my gay ass because you’re not gettin’ my daughter!” *points into the crowd* “F#$% you, f$%^# you, you’re cool, and f$%^ you!”

Originally Published: 8/11/06 . 74 pages

Synopsis
The gang finishes up their vacation with plenty of drama. No one can find Tseng, Vincent and Auron are broken up, and there are stowaways on board!

Ramble Milestones
-We learn Spelling Kid’s name is Horace.

Tseng’s tirade is one of my favorite ramble scenes ever. I was planning that since before I even started writing the first part of this ramble. I also enjoy a lot of the small, throwaway moments in this ramble, like Seifer and the minibar. Also, I’m pretty sure this is Spelling Kid aka Horace’s, last appearance. I always liked him and his skanky mom. I guess she had other rambles to do. Here are all the anime characters who pop up in this trilogy: Edward and Alphonse Elric, Roy Mustang as well as Armstrong from Fullmetal Alchemist, Majic and Orphen from Orphen, Spike from Cowboy Bebop, Nuriko and Tomo from Fushigi Yugi, several Sailor Scouts from Sailor Moon, Dee and Ryo from Fake, Misato from Evangelion, Shido from Nightwalker, Ash, Brock and Misty from Pokemon, Kagetsuya and Chihaya from Earthian, the kids from Ghost Stories, and the cat from Trigun.

(when we last left off, tseng had just discovered that rufus totally lied to his face about his relationship with elena, and he certainly wasn’t happy about it.)

Tseng: “You son of a bitch!” *grabs rufus by the collar* “You lied! You lied right to my face!”

Rufus: “Look! I can explain!”

Tseng: “You can’t talk your way out of this one, Rufus!”

Elena: “Tseng, stop this! Let him go!”

Tseng: “You looked me right in the eyes and *lied* to me! I should have known better than to trust you!”

Elena: “Tseng put him down!”

Rufus: “Would punching me make you feel better?”

Tseng: “It just might!”

Elena: “Stop this!”

(and with that elena goes over and punches tseng in the face. luckily for her he’s been drinking, so he’s not really sharp. he drops rufus and steps away, holding his face)

Tseng: “F$%^ both of you.”

(and with that he storms out. elena and rufus just look at each other…)

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile, in the morning, sephiroth gets up and stumbles onto his balcony, looking hung over)

Dante: “Hey there! Well good morning to you too.”

(sephiroth looks over at dante. who is naked. again.)

Sephiroth: “You. Can’t you ever wear clothes?”

Dante: “I could, but it really would be a shame to cover all this.”

Sephiroth: “Right. Sure it is.”

Dante: “Everyone else is enjoying it.”

Sephiroth: “Everyone else?!”

(he looks over at vincent’s balcony where vincent stands, along with…zidane)

Sephiroth: “Zidane?!”

Zidane: “What! Vincent let me in.”

Sephiroth: “I thought you were with Bryatt last night.”

Zidane: “We made out, but that was it.” *grins* “This sure is a good morning!”

Sephiroth: “You all make me sick.” *goes back inside*

Zidane: “What’s his problem?”

Dante: “Jealousy.”

Sephiroth’s voice: *from inside* “I’m not jealous!”

Vincent: *to zidane* “I thought you said Algus sent you to make sure I hadn’t taken anything from the mini bar.”

Zidane: “Uh, right. But he also sent me to inspect the balcony.” *kicks it* “Yup! Looks good! I better get going.” *pause* “But he might send me back to inspect it tomorrow.”

Vincent: *sigh*

(they go back inside. dante also goes back into his room)

Dante: “Same sh*t, different day. You still asleep, Al?”

Alucard: *groans from somewhere under the covers*

Dante: “Is that a yes?”

Alucard: *sticks his head out from under the blankets* “…Just *how* much did I have to drink last night?”

Dante: “About as much as I did.”

Alucard: “Then how are you on your feet?”

Dante: *shrugs* “I’m just awesome like that. So are you getting up?”

Alucard: *goes back under the covers* “No.”

Dante: “Aw, come on now! Why won’t you get up? It couldn’t possibly be because you said anything to embarrass yourself last night.”

Alucard: “…I hate you.”

Dante: “No you don’t. Oh and by the way you better get up now because your trivia team will be here to collect you any minute.” *gets dressed*

Alucard: “…Dammit.” *starts to get up*

(there’s a knock at the door.)

Dante: “Speak of the devils…”

(he opens the door and sees shell, lark and reeve standing there, but they’re talking to sephiroth.)

Sephiroth: “Tseng got punched in the face by a girl?”

Lark: “Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?”

Reeve: “Well whatever happened…now he’s…certainly not in the best of moods.”

Dante: “What happened?”

Sephiroth: “None of your business. Oh! So you *can* put clothes on!”

Dante: “I’m just full of surprises.”

Shell: “You guys, we’re going to be late for trivia and I have a spa appointment. So can we hurry it up? Where’s Alucard?”

Alucard: *stumbles out looking like crap* “Right here.”

Sephiroth: “You look like how I feel.”

Lark: “You okay, Alucard?”

Sephiroth: “He’s fine. It’s not like he’s gonna die or anything.”

Alucard: “I’m fine. Some fresh air will probably do me good.”

Dante: “Have fun!”

(lark, reeve, alucard and shell leave)

Sephiroth: “Where were you going?”

Dante: “Breakfast. You?”

Sephiroth: “…Same.”

Dante: “If you’re lucky I’ll let you share a table with me!”

Sephiroth: “I’d rather stab myself in the eye with a rusty screwdriver.”

(he walks away, past a few kids who are looking a bit confused)

Boy: “I don’t think this is going to take us to the Pokemon tournament, Brock!”

Brock: “But I thought I bought the right tickets!”

Girl: “You were too busy flirting with the ticket girl!”

Brock: “Well…on the plus side, I don’t think Team Rocket is going to find us in the middle of the ocean!”

Boy: “Arrgh!”

(and so sephiroth goes to breakfast, where he sees bryatt sitting by himself. he goes and sits at the table with him)

Sephiroth: “Bad morning.”

Bryatt: “Is that some kind of greeting?”

Sephiroth: “No, just the truth. I saw Dante naked again and I heard Tseng got punched by Elena last night.”

Bryatt: “The what now?”

Sephiroth: “What, the part about Dante or the part about Tseng.”

Bryatt: “The part about Tseng! Dante’s old news.”

Sephiroth: “Well, I don’t know the whole story but apparently there was a confrontation last night between Tseng, Elena and Rufus and she slugged him in the face.”

Bryatt: “And…?”

Sephiroth: “I said I didn’t know the whole story.”

Bryatt: *sigh* “Why can’t he just let it go?”

Sephiroth: “You got me. So I heard you got drunk and made out with Zidane last night.”

Bryatt: “News travels fast around this ship.”

Sephiroth: “It does with this bunch of big mouths.”

Bryatt: “So what did you do last night?”

Sephiroth: “I don’t know, got drunk and begged Vincent to take me back to my room. Him and Auron broke up.”

Bryatt: “Oh *really*?”

Sephiroth: “Nothing happened.”

Bryatt: “Are you sure? Maybe you were too drunk to remember.”

Sephiroth: *blushing furiously* “Nothing happened!”

Bryatt: “You seem a little defensive there. So are you gonna finally get back together?”

Sephiroth: “No! I don’t want Vincent back!”

Bryatt: *blink blink* “You’re kidding, right?”

Sephiroth: “I can’t even believe we’re having this conversation! Why are you even suggesting that??”

Bryatt: “Because I’m not blind, and it’s true.”

Sephiroth: “Argh!” *gets up* “I can’t have breakfast with someone who knows so little about me!”

(he stomps away. bryatt sighs and picks up his cup of coffee.)

Bryatt: “…Then I don’t know how you can be around yourself.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile, over at the losers. heidegger is chained to his chair)

Hojo: “They say one of us has to feed him.”

Nida: “Screw that! He’d probably eat my hand!”

Scarlet: “For once I agree with Nida.”

Kuja: “He can survive off his blubber for awhile.”

Seymour: “Years, probably.”

Hojo: “Well I’m not going to do it. And I’ve stuck my hands into all kinds of disgusting places.”

Nida: “Ew! Don’t wanna know about it, you old sicko!”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! I’m hungry!”

Kuja: “So, Seymour, are you ready to head back to the spa again?”

Seymour: “*Again*? Haven’t we been there enough?”

Kuja: “You can never be at the spa enough. What is wrong with you? This is why you need help!”

Scarlet: “Maybe I’ll go to the spa.”

Kuja: “I don’t think so, Scarlet. They try to keep things sanitary there.”

Scarlet: “First of all, most of my diseases aren’t that easily spread!”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! Lies!”

Scarlet: “Shut up and die, Heidegger!”

Nida: “Yeah, Scarlet. You should come with a warning label.”

Scarlet: “Shut up, virgin!”

Nida: “Hey! I’ve been to third base!”

Heidegger: “With yourself! Gya haa haa!”

Nida: “Stay out of this, Heidegger! Dammit, someone feed him!”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! I’m hungry!”

Kuja: “Um, no. If I even get near him I’m afraid I’ll pass out from the smell.”

Seymour: “Yet you can stand to be around Hojo.”

Kuja: “Why do you think I go everywhere with a bottle of perfume?”

Hojo: “You said it enhanced my natural scent!”

Kuja: “I am so clever.”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! I’m hungry!”

Scarlet: “What are you going to do today, Hojo?”

Hojo: “Oh, you know, the usual…”

Scarlet: “Are you still trying to get into the children’s play area?”

Hojo: “Those adults have to turn their backs at some point!”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! I’m hungry!”

Nida: “Omg! Shut up! Can’t someone just shove some bread in his mouth or something?”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! Feed me!”

Scarlet: “You really wanna take that chance?”

Nida: “…No.”

(then they all get up, leaving heidegger alone.)

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! I shouldn’t have let Stinky sleep in!”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile, rufus and algus are walking together outside)

Rufus: “So everything is worse than ever! I keep having dreams about Tseng smashing in my head with a xylophone!”

Algus: “Where did your brain conger up a xylophone?”

Rufus: *shrugs* “Dreams are weird.”

??????: “Yo! Get yo’ ass over here, sea witch!”

???: “I am neither of those things you complete moron.”

???: “#$@#%%^#$&#%#$@%@^&#@&@!”

(rufus and algus look at one another in confusion)

Algus: “You don’t possibly think…”

Rufus: “If there are other people in the world who sound like that I am seriously afraid.”

(but sure enough it is them! barret, cid and a very unhappy looking red come out from behind a row of life boats.)

Barret: “Oh, sh*t! We been spotted! This all yo’ fault, mermaid man!”

Cid: “#@$#@%^@^&@%#$%$&%*#!”

Red: “I hate you so much it hurts.”

Rufus: “How did you get on the boat?”

Barret: “Well, we’ve been lookin’ for cat/rat/moo’s grandpa, see? And we thought he might be on dis here boat!”

Cid: “@$@#%#$#$%^@@!@$#%@!”

Algus: “I see. Tell us more.”

Barret: “Well, he ain’t here.”

Red: “They are incompetent.”

Rufus: “Where have you been staying?”

Cid: “@#$@#%#$^%#$%&$#@#$%#$^$&#!”

Algus: “I see.”

Rufus: “I’m not even mad! I’m actually kinda flattered that you would stowaway on my awesome ship!”

Barret: “Yo, don’t be thinkin’ you’s so great, Shinra! We only snuck on dis here boat to find manatee’s grandpa! …And look at girls in bikinis!”

Cid: “#@$#@%#$^^%&*$^%&#$%!”

Rufus: “Whatever. Just stay out of my way.”

Red: “Please! Help me! Get me away from them!”

Algus: “You have an amazing pet there. You really should consider exploiting his talent.”

(algus and rufus walk away. barret and cid look at each other)

Barret: “What does ‘exploitin’ mean?”

Cid: *shrugs* “@#@#%@%.”

Red: “If I could I’d push you overboard myself.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile twilight has been running all over looking for sephiroth and has finally found him)

Twilight: “Sephiroth! Finally! What the hell – are you avoiding me?”

Sephiroth: “I don’t avoid people who are actually cool enough to talk to me.”

Twilight: “Damn right! Anyway, I need your help.”

Sephiroth: *turns to walk away*

Twilight: *grabs him* “No one walks away from Twilight XyXia!”

Sephiroth: “I am not playing any more Dance, Dance Revolution with you. I thought we broke it yesterday!”

Twilight: “We did. I had to pick this stupid fighting game to play with the kid and we ended up tying!”

Sephiroth: “Just kill the kid and be done with it!”

Twilight: “Opal won’t let me!”

Sephiroth: “So??”

Twilight: “I’d like to keep having sex.”

Sephiroth: “Oh. Good point.” *sigh* “Well what do you need me for? Just play against the computer.”

Twilight: “It cheats!”

Sephiroth: *sigh* “Fine!” *pause* “It does cheat like there’s no tomorrow.”

Twilight: “Tell me about it! It’s lucky I didn’t break that machine too!”

Sephiroth: “Well let’s go. I don’t want to spend all day in the arcade.”

Twilight: “Why? What else have you got to do?”

Sephiroth: “…Shut up.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile, alucard is on the way back to his room with his trivia prize – a luggage tag, when…)

?: “Brother?”

Alucard: *pauses* “Crap.”

D: “Brother! I thought that was you! How’s your hand?”

Alucard: “It’s fine.”

D: “If I ever did that to my hand, he wouldn’t ever shut up about it.”

Hand: “Damn straight.”

Alucard: “Why do you have a creepy talking hand?”

Hand: “I’m not creepy.”

D: “Well, it’s a long story, but I’ll tell you if you want!”

Alucard: “…No. That’s okay. Why don’t you go back to your friend Shido?”

D: “He wanted to make out, but I don’t swing that way.”

Alucard: “Oh. Well, it was…………running into you. I have to be going now.”

D: “Okay, brother! I’m sure I’ll see you later!”

Alucard: “…Right.” *hurries away*

Hand: “He hates you.”

D: “How can he hate me? He’s my brother!”

Hand: “He hates you.”

D: “I hate you.”

Hand: “You didn’t mean that.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile, zell and franswa are walking around the ship. zell is staring at the activities listing. franswa has a hand to his head)

Zell: “Ooh! There’s a magic show tonight! That sounds awesome! We should definitely go to that!”

Franswa: “My head hurts.”

Zell: “I told you that’s from drinking.”

Franswa: “I’m never drinking again!”

Zell: “Especially not with Dante and your grandpa zero.”

Franswa: “Grandpa zero?”

Zell: “Well…you call your grandpa Trevor grandpa one, and Alucard comes before that, so that would make him grandpa zero!” *pause* “Or I guess grandpa negative one, but that sounds kinda long.”

Franswa: “I still don’t believe we’re related. I’m part vampire! I’m part everything I’ve ever hated!”

Zell: “I thought you didn’t really hate vampires, you just hated how your family was always trying to get you to fight them.”

Franswa: “…The word ‘feared’ would have been a better choice.”

Zell: “I gotcha. Well don’t sweat over it, Franswa! There are worse things! And hey – that means you’re related to Dracula too!”

Franswa: *chin trembles*

Zell: “Hey, look! There’s Squall! Hey, Squall! What’s up?”

Squall: “Whatever… Have you seen my dad?”

Zell: “Nope. You lookin’ for him?”

Squall: “No! God no. If he finds me, I think I’ll kill him. And then I’ll probably need some help getting his body over the railing.”

Zell: “Well, you are my best friend, so I guess I’m kinda obligated to help ya.”

Franswa: “What’s wrong with your dad?”

Squall: “Are you kidding me? He acts like he’s five! He’s always trying to get me to do things with him to make up for the time we lost! He’s a five year old trapped in the body of a retarded gorilla!”

Zell: “I think that’s the most I’ve ever hear you say, Squall.”

Squall: “Whatever.”

Zell: “Where’s Rinoa?”

Squall: “Went to the pool. She said she’s sick of hiding.”

(then seifer comes over, eating a bag of peanuts that looks like it might have come from the mini-bar)

Seifer: “Hey, losers.”

Squall: “Have you seen my dad?”

Seifer: “No.”

Squall: *sigh of relief*

Zell: “Where’s your girlfriend, Seifer?”

Seifer: “At the stupid spa. I asked her if she was going to get a happy ending with her massage, and she slapped me across the face!”

Guys: *blink blink*

Seifer: “I mean if it comes with ice cream afterwards, I wanna get in on that too!”

Squall: “…You’re a dumbass.”

Seifer: “Shove it, Squall! Or I’ll go find your daddy for you!”

Zell: “Where’d you get those peanuts, Seifer?”

Seifer: “Uh…oh. These? Found them. I’ve gotta go.” *leaves*

Zell: *shrugs* “Oh well. We better get going. See ya later, Squall!”

Squall: “If you see my father, don’t tell him where I am!”

Zell: “Sure thing!”

(they walk along and once they turn a corner or two they run into…laguna!)

Laguna: “Hey, Zell buddy! Have you seen my dear old son?”

Zell: “Sure! He’s right down there!” *points*

Laguna: “Thanks, dude! Catchya later!” *goes off*

Franswa: “…Squall is going to *kill you* now.”

Zell: “…Oh crap.” *pause* “Let’s get outta here.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile, Ashley, shell, kuja and seymour all arrive at the spa.)

Kuja: “Oh. What are you girls doing here?”

Shell: “I just won a luggage tag in trivia! And now I’m here for my spa appointment!”

Ashley: “You keep winning the crappiest prizes.”

Shell: “I know. Rufus is cheap. I’m gonna make them give us tote bags tomorrow.”

Kuja: “But how can you have appointments? We have appointments!”

Seymour: “That’s okay. I’ll give mine up.”

Kuja: “You need it more than anybody.”

Nuriko: “Good morning!”

Kuja: “Nuriko! What is the meaning of this? You double booked!”

Nuriko: *blink blink* “No I didn’t.”

Kuja: “You didn’t?”

Nuriko: “No! We have more massage therapists! You just haven’t met them yet!”

(he claps his hands and out comes a tall man with blonde hair and a smaller guy with dark hair.)

Nuriko: “Meet Kagetsuya and Chihaya.”

Shell: “Hiya, Chihaya.”

Chihaya: *frowns* “I get that a lot.”

Ashley: “I get the hot blonde one!”

Shell: “Hey!”

Ashley: “I have *Seifer*.”

Shell: *sigh* “Fine.”

Seymour: “Um, uh, someone might also want to take the massage therapist I’ve been going to! He’s very good! And uh, burly!”

Armstong: *comes out of nowhere crying* “That is very nice of you to speak of me that way! I am truly honored!”

Seymour: *sweat drops* “Uh…”

Armstong: “Now let’s go.” *drags him off*

Chihaya: *whispers* “Kagetsuya? I think the Earthians are very caring!”

Kagetsuya: “You’re an idiot, Chihaya.”

Nuriko: “Why don’t you girls follow Kagetsuya and Chihaya?”

Ashley: “Oh yeah, baby. This is gonna be good.”

Shell: “I’ll buy whatever massage oils you’ll be using, so you can just bag them up for me right after.”

(they leave.)

Nuriko: “So are you ready for your massage?”

Kuja: “I think my lips might need some massaging today. Can that be arranged?”

Nuriko: “…I think we can work something out.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile, out by the pool, rude and Brady are playing cards again)

Rude: “…I win.”

Brady: *throws cards down* “You always win. I’m only playing with you because Lark is making me.”

(setzer comes over)

Setzer: “Hello, Rude! I see you’re playing cards! I hope you’re planning to play in the tournament tonight! There’s big, big money at stake!”

Rude: *nods* “I’ll be there.”

(setzer leaves)

Brady: “If you win, I want a cut of that money for all the times I had to lose!”

Rude: “I am in so much debt, Rufus is allowed to start taking my fingers as compensation.”

Brady: “…Never mind.”

(meanwhile, bryatt is reading poolside when zidane comes over and plops down.)

Zidane: “Hey.”

Bryatt: “Hi yourself.”

Zidane: “I had fun last night.”

Bryatt: “I bet you did.”

Zidane: “Didn’t you?”

Bryatt: “I guess so.”

Zidane: “You guess so?”

Bryatt: “I guess I might wanna do it again.”

Zidane: *grins* “Maybe you might wanna push things a bit further?”

Bryatt: “Maybe.”

Algus’ voice: “Zidane! Where’s my iced coffee?”

Zidane: *annoyed sigh* “I’ve gotta go take care of that. Wait here?”

Bryatt: “You bet.”

(zidane leaves. reeve enters the pool area looking downcast.)

Bryatt: “Hey, Reeve!”

Reeve: “Oh. Hi, Bryatt.”

Bryatt: “What happened with Tseng last night?”

Reeve: *big sigh* “He got into a big fight with Rufus and Elena. Apparently he was right and they are together. So she hit him and he stormed out. I’ve never heard him curse so much in my life.”

Bryatt: “Where is he now?”

Reeve: *shrugs* “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since this morning. What do you think is going through his head?”

Bryatt: “Well, I’m not a mind reader, but I bet you this runs a whole lot deeper than him caring about Rufus sleeping with one of his employees. I mean if sleeping with a co-worker got you fired, he would have been fired *looooooong* ago, you know?”

Reeve: “Oh, I know. But what could it be?”

Bryatt: *shrugs* “Like I said, I’m not a mind reader. Besides, you’re around him a lot more than I am.”

Reeve: *frowns* “You would think so.”

(meanwhile, over at the bar, there are irvine and reno again. and ed)

Irvine: “Hey, dude. Did you ever see those girls again?”

Reno: “Man, what is your problem? I told you to forget them!”

Irvine: “Maybe they were lying about their age!”

Reno: “They weren’t lying.”

Irvine: “Women lie about their age all the time!”

Reno: “Yeah. *Old* women. Young women lie to make themselves seem older. And then when the police come to pick you up, they don’t believe you when you tell them she lied about her age. Trust me, dude! I don’t think Rufus can get me outta that one more time! I’m not takin’ any chances. I’m gonna start cardin’.”

Irvine: “Speaking of getting carded, I haven’t been carded once this whole trip!”

Reno: “That’s cause Ed’s been the bartender this whole time.”

Irvine: “Hey, Ed – how old are you?”

Ed: “None of your business.”

Irvine: “’Cause you’re kinda short. You look like you’re twelve.”

Ed: “WHO’RE YOU CALLIN’ A BEAN SPROUT MIDGET?!”

Irvine: *blink blink* “I didn’t say that.”

Zidane: *comes over* “Hey, Ed! Algus wants an iced coffee.”

Ed: “Dammit. I gotta make that by hand.” *goes into the back*

Zidane: *frowns* “Well there went all the fun.”

Reno: “Hey, Zidane. I saw you with Bryatt last night.”

Zidane: *big grin* “I think everybody did.”

(then seifer comes running over, with a candy bar that looks mini bar sized)

Seifer: “Hey – where’s that pint-sized bartender?”

Irvine: “Where’d you get that candy?”

Seifer: *hugging it to him* “None of your business!”

(ed comes back with some coffee and ice which he places in front of him)

Zidane: “Ooh! Ooh! Are you gonna do that thing you do now?”

Ed: “…Yeah.”

Zidane: “Cool!”

Seifer: “Hey, Mr. bartender!”

Ed: “My name is Ed.”

Seifer: “Whatever, anyway, I saw a guy with an ‘X’ shaped scar on his cheek last night.”

Roy: *comes out of nowhere* “You did?”

Reno: “…Were you hiding on the floor?”

Roy: “…No.”

Seifer: “Yeah! Me and Rude both saw him! He said hi to us!”

Roy: “Hmm… Saying hello? That’s not usually his style…”

Ed: *claps hands makes drink and hands it to zidane* “Here ya go.”

Zidane: *leaning over* “How the hell do you do that?”

Ed: “Don’t lean over the bar.”

Irvine: “Seifer, Reno and I saw the same guy the other night!”

Seifer: “I think he’s evil!”

Roy: “Thanks for keeping me informed. I’ll check into it.” *walks off*

Reno: “He was hiding on the floor.”

Irvine: *to seifer* “Did you get that from the mini-bar?”

Seifer: *hugging it to him* “No!”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile, in the arcade, twilight and sephiroth are playing soul caliber)

Twilight: “No! How could I lose so much?! The great Twilight XyXia doesn’t lose! Damn cheating computer!” *kicks the machine*

Sephiroth: “Uh, Twilight?”

Twilight: “Argh!” *breaks off joy stick*

Sephiroth: “Um, Twilight—“

Twilight: “ARRRGGGGHHHH!!!” *turns on lightsaber and chops the machine in half*

Both: “……………”

Sephiroth: “Twilight, you weren’t playing the computer. You were playing me.”

Twilight: “……………………I knew that.”

Sephiroth: “Uh huh.”

Twilight: “Why didn’t you let me win?”

Sephiroth: “I wasn’t trying to win! I don’t even know how to play this! I was totally button mashing!”

Twilight: “Well now I have to find another game to play with that stupid twerp!”

(opal comes over)

Opal: “I thought I’d find you here, Twilight! I—OMG! Twilight! What happened to that machine?!”

Twilight: “Oh? This? It…uh…was like that when I got here.”

Opal: *knowing look* “Your lightsaber is still on, Twilight.”

Twilight: “Oh.” *turns it off* “I knew that.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(dinner time rolls around. and everyone is seated at the table…except tseng. everyone sits in silence a moment)

Setzer: “Where’s Tseng?”

Rufus: “I don’t know.”

Elena: “Who cares.”

Lark: “You haven’t even seen him, Reeve?”

Reeve: *slowly shakes head* “No.”

(majic comes over)

Majic: “Hello, everyone!” *blink blink* “Oh! Are we still waiting for someone?”

Rufus: “No. You can bring the drinks over.”

Majic: “Uh…okay.” *leaves*

Lark: “Maybe he just needs some time to himself.”

Elena: “Can we stop talking about him please?”

Lark: “…Okay… Let’s change the subject. How was the spa today, girls?”

Shell: “Fantastic.”

Ashley: “Hot. Er…amazing.”

Seifer: “Did you get a sundae, or not?”

Ashley: “Shut up, Seifer.”

Seifer: “I can’t believe it’s dinner time already! I’m not even hungry!”

Zell: “That’s ‘cause every time I saw you today you were eating a snack!”

Ashley: *sharply* “What?!”

Seifer: “No, I wasn’t! You’re a liar, Zell! Stop making up lies!”

Ashley: “Are you eating things out of the mini-bar, Seifer?”

Seifer: “No!”

Ashley: “You better not be! Because I’ll hire Twilight to kill you!”

Twilight: “Whoo hoo! Money!”

(then the losers come in and are seated at their table.)

Brady: “Why do they always come in after us?”

Seymour: “So did you finally make-out with that guy, Kuja?”

Kuja: “I did more than that.”

Seymour: “That is so inappropriate.”

Kuja: “Not anymore than Scarlet’s dress.”

Nida: “I know! It’s practically see through!”

Scarlet: “It’s not supposed to be! It’s just very cheap material!”

Hojo: “Kuja! Did you sleep with someone else? Someone else who you paid? With my money?!”

Kuja: “I didn’t pay him for the sex part.”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! It’s such a fine line!”

Kuja: “I’m not Seymour. I don’t have to pay someone to sleep with me.”

Seymour: “I don’t have to do that!”

Heidegger: “Scarlet does! Gya haa haa!”

Scarlet: “Shut up, Heidegger!”

Lark: “…That’s why they always come in after us.”

Laguna: “I’m so glad we were able to spend the day together, son!”

Squall: “I told you not to talk to me anymore!”

Laguna: “Wasn’t it fun playing shuffleboard for hours, Rinoa?”

Rinoa: “No.”

Laguna: “I knew you’d say that! –Wait, what?”

Lloyd: “Guess what I did today, Dante?”

Dante: “I don’t give a sh*t, Lloyd.”

Lloyd: “It’s Vergil! And guess!”

Dante: “No. I’m not guessing. I had a great day without you and now you’re screwing it up.”

Lloyd: “I was with Tomo again! And we made out for hours!”

Everyone: *looks disgusted*

Dante: “Lloyd…stop it. People need to eat here.”

Lloyd: “*Vergil*! And I don’t know how they can eat looking at your face anyway, Dante!”

Dante: “Stop getting us confused, Lloyd.”

Lloyd: “*Vergil*! And you’re a jackf#$%!”

Dante: “A jack#$%^?! What the hell is that? Something you do to a jackbutt?”

Lloyd: “Grr…”

(majic comes back over with al, who starts handing out drinks)

Al: “Here you go!”

Majic: “Thanks, Al. Has everyone taken a look at the activity schedule? Tonight there’s an act being performed by my master!”

Zidane: “Your master? Are you a slave too?”

Majic: “No! I’m an apprentice!”

Zidane: “Apprentice, eh? I like the sound of that better. Algus! I will now be known as your apprentice.”

Algus: “No, Zidane, you’ll only be known as an idiot.”

Majic: “Anyway, it should be a fabulous show!”

Zell: “Totally! I’ll definitely be checking it out!”

Majic: “I’ll be right back for you order.” *leaves*

Alucard: “Are you going as well, Franswa?”

Franswa: *shrugs* “I guess so.”

Alucard: “…Look…about last night…”

Franswa: “No. It’s okay. I should have known. Really. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

Alucard: *frowns*

Setzer: “Tonight is the big poker tournament for whoever wants to come by.”

Edgar: “You better not lose too much money.”

Shell: “You better win, Rude.”

Algus: “Sounds exciting! I don’t gamble but I do enjoy watching!”

Zidane: “That’s like porn for you, isn’t it. Watching all that money change hands.”

Algus: “Silence, knave.”

Rufus: “I guess I’ll stop by and take a look too.”

Auron: “I’m not much for gambling myself. Earn a penny, keep a penny I say.”

Sephiroth: “Stop boring everyone, grandpa. What are you doing tonight, Vincent?”

Vincent: “Oh. Me? Well…I hadn’t really decided yet.”

Reeve: *sad sigh* “I hope Tseng turns up.”

Lark: “I’m sure he’s fine.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(after dinner some people head to the show, some people head to the poker tournament, and some people head to go dancing. and then there’s twilight. we all know where he goes…the kid is already standing in front of the machine, looking at it in shock)

Twilight: “Hey, brat!”

Kid: “What happened to the machine?”

Twilight: “I destroyed it, like I could destroy you! …But it was mostly an accident.”

Kid: “Well what are we gonna play now, Mr. Stick Man?”

Twilight: *twitch* “I’ll think of something! Where’s your skanky mother now?”

Kid: “She had other casinos to do!” *points to where mother is walking with a guy whose name tag says casinos*

Twilight: “Typical. Okay! Tonight I will finally whoop your puny little ass!”

Kid: “Sure you will, Mr. Stick Man!”

Twilight: “We’re gonna play – that game!” *points to crusin’ exotica*

Kid: “You can’t even read the name of it!”

Twilight: “Sure I can! It says…uh…driving game that Twilight will rock at…game.”

Kid: “No it doesn’t!”

Twilight: “Shut up, kid. Prepare to get your ass handed to you!”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile, at the show…zell, franswa, laguna, squall and rinoa are all sitting in the front row)

Laguna: “Wow! We got the best seats! This is gonna rule!”

Squall: “I was hoping there’d be some kind of warning for this show. Like people sitting in the first few rows may *die*.”

Laguna: “You’ve got some sense of humor, son!”

Squall: “Whatever.”

Rinoa: “This should be good! I like magic!”

Zell: “Me too! Magic is awesome! I like everything having to do with magic! Even our waiter!” *pause* “Wow. Even I think that sounded gay.”

Franswa: “Are you?”

Zell: “What?”

Franswa: “Nothing.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile, over at the poker tournament, setzer, rude, dee, treize, and shido are all entered in the tournament.  setzer, treize and shido all have large piles of chips in front of them. dee has a smallish pile. and rude has a tiny one. spike is the dealer. there is a large crowd standing around)

Algus: “I’m surprised you declined the enter the tournament, Rufus.”

Rufus: “Yeah, well, I have a bit of a…uh…gambling problem.”

Spike: *dealing cards* “The game is seven card stud. When you run out of the chips you have purchased, you’re out of the game. The winner gets the whole pot, plus the grand prize of 20 million dollars.”

Dee: “Ooh, baby! That money is all mine!”

Ryo: “I hope so, Dee. Because that’s a whole paycheck you’ve got in chips!”

Dee: “It’ll pay off, Ryo! Just watch!”

Ryo: “I doubt it.”

Shido: “This should be easy…. I’ve played poker millions of times.”

Treize: “Poker is much like war, because it involves strategy, a strategy which is very important to the outcome of the winner. You see, in both war and poker—“

Zechs: “Stop it, Treize.”

Setzer: “This is going to be so much fun!”

Edgar: *sigh* “So much money.”

Shell: “You can do it, Rude! I need new pairs of shoes! I’m tired of my old ones!”

Rude: “………”

Spike: “Let’s get started.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile, back at gil…sephiroth arrives…with vincent?)

Sephiroth: “It’ll be nice just to get away from that damn stalker.”

Vincent: “Auron’s not a stalker.”

Sephiroth: “Close enough. Let’s get a booth.”

(meanwhile, roy and ed are at the bar again.)

Zidane: “Hey, Ed. Hey chef/karaoke/bartender man.”

Roy: “Roy Mustang.”

Zidane: “Whatever. Can I get a drink?”

Ed: “What do you want?”

Zidane: *shrugs* “I don’t know. Surprise me.”

(ed shrugs, claps his hands and makes a drink appear. zidane tastes it)

Zidane: “This is great! What is it?”

Ed: *shrugs* “I just made it up.”

Roy: “Think you’re pretty slick, huh, fullmetal? Well I can do that too.”

Bryatt: *comes up* “Can I get a drink?”

Roy: “Leave it to me!” *draws a circle puts his hands down and makes a drink which he hands to bryatt*

Bryatt: “Uh…thanks…sorry. I forgot your name.”

Roy: “You can call me Roy Mustang, or just Colonel. Hell, you can call me the Flame Alchemist. Whatever you do, remember the drink.”

Bryatt: “…Okay…”

Ed: *rolls his eyes*

(meanwhile…lark, Brady and Ashley are together)

Lark: “Where’s Seifer?”

Ashley: “He said he wanted to go to bed early. I bet stuffing your face with food all day makes you tired.”

Brady: “Where is he getting that stuff from?”

Ashley: “I have a feeling I don’t wanna know, and by the end of the trip he’ll be dead. Because that stuff in the mini-bar is not free. And neither are those pay-per-view movies.”

(flash to the room where seifer is sitting on the bed, surrounded by food from the mini-bar and looking through the pay-per-view menu on the tv)

Seifer: “Ooh! Gorillas vs. T-Rex? I gotta see how that turns out!” *presses button*

(back to Ashley)

Ashley: *punches fist into palm* “So dead…”

Lark: “If you don’t think he’s sleeping, why don’t you go check on him?”

Ashley: “And ruin my good time? I’ll save punishment for after the vacation.”

Brady: “How are you going to punish him? No sex?”

Ashley: “If that’s considered a punishment, I inflicted that loooooong ago.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile, the show is over and apparently zell, franswa, laguna, squall and rinoa have talked their way backstage)

Zell: “Wow! Backstage! This is so awesome!”

Laguna: “Totally! Isn’t this awesome, son?”

Squall: “Whatever.”

Zell: “Hey! It’s the magician guy! Hey, magician guy!”

??????: “…I told you five times my name is Orphen. And I’m not a freakin’ magician, I’m a sorcerer.”

Rinoa: “Isn’t that like the same thing?”

Orphen: “*No*.”

Zell: “I think it’s funny that your apprentices’ name is Majic, and you do magic. That’s really funny.”

Orphen: “Yeah. If you’re *five*.”

Franswa: “It was a very good show.”

Orphen: “Thank you.”

Laguna: “Can you pull a rabbit out of a hat?”

Orphen: “I’m leaving.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile, hours later, back at the arcade…)

Twilight: “Dammit! I don’t believe this! You’re a kid! You can’t even drive! Why do we keep tying?!”

Kid: “I don’t think you can drive either, Mr. Stick Man.”

Twilight: “I could if I felt like it! I’m Twilight! I don’t need a license!”

Kid: “Spell it!” *laughs*

Twilight: “Grrrr!”

(opal comes over)

Opal: “Okay, Twilight. It’s late. Time to go to bed.”

Twilight: “But I haven’t beaten him yet!”

Opal: “Twilight, that’s enough. Besides, you barely know how to drive. You’re not allowed to get your license because you’re still learning how to read.”

Kid: “Ha ha!”

Twilight: “Great, Opal! See what you did? I’ll get you, you bantha turd!”

Opal: “We’re going to bed, Twilight.” *starts dragging him away*

Twilight: “Same time, same place tomorrow, brat! And I won’t go easy on you!”

Kid: “Good night, Mr. Stick Man!” *waves*

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile, back at gil…sephiroth and vincent are sitting in there booth and things look awkward. vincent has one drink in his…claw, and sephiroth has several empty glasses in front of him. he seems like one more drink will push him over the edge)

Sephiroth: “So…”

Vincent: “…So.”

Sephiroth: “Does that hurt?” *points to claw*

Vincent: “No.”

Sephiroth: “Not even if ya bang it on somethin’? Nothing?”

Vincent: “Nothing.” *sigh* “I don’t even know how it works.”

Sephiroth: “He’s a bastard. Total bastard. Want me to kill him? I’ll kill him for you.”

Vincent: “No…that’s all right.”

Both: “……”

Sephiroth: “I’m gonna get another drink.”

Vincent: “All right.”

(sephiroth gets up and goes over to the bar. meanwhile, alucard and dante are talking…and drinking.)

Dante: “Al, are you drunk?”

Alucard: *kinda drunk* “…No.”

Dante: “Are you lying to me?”

Alucard: “…Maybe.”

Dante: *chuckles* “You’re so funny drunk. I can’t believe I hold my liquor better than you.”

Alucard: “Shut up. You’re such a jerk.”

Dante: “I know.”

Alucard: “You’re so mean. We should break up.”

Dante: *shrugs* “Okay.”

(and with that he walks away over to some other guy and slings his arm around his shoulder with a smile. alucard’s jaw drops)

Alucard: “DANTE!”

Dante: “What?”

Alucard: “What are you doing?!?!”

Dante: *comes back over* “You said you wanted to break up.”

Alucard: “I was *kidding*! You really would leave me that easily?”

Dante: *shrugs* “If that’s what you really wanted, I’d respect your decision, baby. But that doesn’t mean I’d be happy about it. I love you, Al. You know that. I could have any guy I wanted in the whole world – but you’re the only one for me. I knew that the moment I saw you. That’s why I had to get you away from that other jerk you were dating.”

Alucard: *eyes filling up with tears* “Don’t ever leave me again!!!” *grabs dante and hugs him tight*

(meanwhile, sephiroth has watched this whole display. frowning, he looks at his drink, downs the whole thing, and turns around to get another. new drink in hand he goes over to where vincent is sitting.)

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile, back at the poker tournament, the only two left in the competition are setzer and rude. they are at the final hand. both are looking at their cards)

Edgar: “Look at all that money.”

Algus: “It is quite a sight.”

Treize: “I can’t believe I lost on such a good hand.”

Zechs: “That guy has amazing luck.” *pause* “And bald men are kinda sexy…”

Treize: “*Zechs*.”

Zechs: “Sorry.”

Spike: “All right, any final bets?”

Setzer: *pushes the rest of his chips into the pile* “I’m all in.”

Edgar: *gasp* “Are you crazy? That’s millions of dollars!”

Spike: “Let’s see your cards.”

Setzer: *puts cards down* “Straight flush.”

Everyone: “Ooooooooooooooooh.”

Shell: “Dammit, Rude! You dumbass! I could have had a Parisian shopping spree like you wouldn’t—“

Rude: *puts down cards* “Royal flush.”

Everyone: “…………………………”

Cid: “@#$@^#$&$^&*$#$!%@#&@&!”

Algus: “I think that gentleman about summed it up.”

Spike: “Rude is the winner.”

Setzer: “A good game.”

Edgar: “Good game?! You lost millions of dollars!”

Setzer: “So what? I’ve got millions more where that came from.”

Edgar: “Not at this rate you don’t! Maybe I should put you on an allowance!”

Setzer: “Oh don’t start that talk again.”

Rude: *blink blink* “I won?” *jumps up* “I won!!!! I won!!!!”

(he starts jumping up and down, hugging shell and everyone else in the surrounding area. while he’s doing that rufus starts sweeping all the chips into a big sack. he leaves a tiny pile with a note on top of it and sneaks off just as rude returns to the pile)

Rude: “I wo—“ blink blink* “What the hell?”

Shell: *picks up note* “Dear Rude. This puts a dent what you owe me. At least you can be lucky once in awhile. I was even generous enough to leave you enough to buy yourself something nice. Enjoy! Sincerely, your boss, Rufus J. Shinra.”

(rude is slowly turning redder and redder until he looks like he’s going to explode from anger. shell picks up the two 10 chips.)

Shell: “I can’t even get shoes from Payless with this.” *shrugs and pockets it* “Oh well. I’ll have to put it towards something nicer. Right, Rude? Rude? Answer me, Rude.”

Rude: *passes out*

Shell: “Rude?” *pause* “Can you shine my shoes while you’re down there?”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(back to the club, it’s very late at night. sephiroth has gotten drunk again.)

Vincent: “Angel, it’s late. We should be getting back to our rooms.”

Sephiroth: “Can you walk me back, Vin?”

Vincent: *sigh* “Angel. I warned you not to get drunk. I don’t want to go through this again.”

Sephiroth: “Come on, Vin. Please?”

Vincent: *sigh* “Very well.”

(so they start to head off)

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile, bryatt and zidane are back in bryatt’s room fooling around when there’s a knock at the door)

Bryatt: “Dammit.”

Zidane: “Who the hell is that?”

Bryatt: “At this time of night? I only have one guess.”

(he goes and opens the door. and sure enough, who drunkenly stumbles in? tseng)

Tseng: “Heyyyyyyyy, Bryatt! What’s up?”

Bryatt: *dully* “Yay! I found you! Where the hell have you been all day?”

Tseng: “Hating Rufus.”

Bryatt: “That’s not a place.”

Tseng: “Did you know there’s tons of booze in the mini-bar?”

Bryatt: “Okay, that’s a better answer. I think you need to go back to your own room.”

Tseng: “Hi, Zidane!”

Zidane: “Um, hi.”

Tseng: “Bryatt…Bryatt, you know Rufus?”

Bryatt: *sigh* “Yes.”

Tseng: “He’s a lying asshole.”

Bryatt: “You need to go back to your room.”

Tseng: “Can I crash here?”

Bryatt: “No.”

Tseng: “I’ll just sleep on the floor. It’s cool, it’s cool.”

Bryatt: “You’re not staying here, Tseng. I’ll walk you back to your room.”

Tseng: “Why can’t I stay here?” *gasp* “Are you gonna have sex?”

Bryatt: “Tseng…”

Tseng: *gasp* “With Zidane?”

Bryatt: “Tseng, let’s go.”

Tseng: “’Cause I don’t care. I’ll just stay on the floor. Doesn’t bother me.” *tries to lay down*

Bryatt: *stops him* “I don’t think so! You’re going back to your own room, okay? I am not listening to you drunkenly rant on about Rufus all night.”

Tseng: “That @#$@$%^$@^&@!”

Bryatt: “…Right. Anyway, you’re married! So you have someone who vowed to listen to your bullsh*t. So why don’t you just go back to Reeve and go to sleep?”

Tseng: “F#$% Reeve. He thinks I’m stupid.”

Bryatt: “Reeve does not think you’re stupid.”

Tseng: “Reeve thinks I’m stupid, and you don’t care about me.”

Bryatt: “I do care about you. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have even opened the door.”

Tseng: “Fine! I’ll go! Go have sex or whatever you plan to do with him.”

Zidane: “Lots of stuff, I hope!”

(tseng leaves. bryatt sighs and comes back over)

Zidane: “You okay?”

Bryatt: “Yeah. He’ll sort himself out. Now where were we?”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile, vincent has gotten sephiroth to his door)

Vincent: “This is the last time I’m doing this for you, angel.”

Sephiroth: “You’re the best, Vin. The best. You’d probably take a bullet for me or something.”

Vincent: *sighs and says softly* “In a way I have.”

(sephiroth goes into his room but he drags vincent with him)

Vincent: “No, angel. I’m going to my own room.”

Sephiroth: “Just a minute…just a minute.”

(vincent sighs and shuts the door behind him. sephiroth goes and plops down on his bed. vincent stands in the doorway)

Vincent: “Do you want me to put you to bed?”

Sephiroth: “I want you to sit *on* the bed.”

Vincent: “No, Sephiroth. I’m leaving.” *turns to go*

Sephiroth: “No, Vincent!” *sniff* “Don’t go…”

Vincent: *hesitates* “…Angel…are you crying?”

Sephiroth: “……………”

(vincent sighs again and comes over to sit on the bed. sephiroth comes and cuddles next to him.)

Sephiroth: “Everyone leaves me.”

Vincent: “I never left you.”

Sephiroth: “Yes you did.”

Vincent: “That wasn’t my choice.”

Sephiroth: “I dated a vampire, yet I was the real monster.”

Vincent: “Stop it, Sephiroth. You’re not a monster.”

Sephiroth: “Yes I am. I took that award.”

Vincent: “…Yes. But you also threw it away.”

Sephiroth: *looks into vincent’s eyes* “How’d you know?”

Vincent: “I found it in the trash. But I wasn’t surprised. I always knew you were a better person than that.”

(sephiroth stares at him for a long moment. then he leans forward and kisses vincent with a sigh. vincent looks so shocked he can’t even respond before sephiroth pulls away and lies down across his lap)

Sephiroth: “I’m tired…” *closes eyes*

Vincent: *lost for words* “Ah…ah…angel…?”

Sephiroth: “…………………”

Vincent: “…Sephiroth?”

Sephiroth: *snores lightly*

Vincent: *sighs and strokes sephiroth’s hair* “If that was the last kiss I’ll ever get from you, it’s more than enough.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(the next morning, sephiroth wakes up, squinting in the sunlight and holding his head)

Sephiroth: “Ugh…how can I be so stupid twice in a row?” *pause* “How the hell did I fall asleep?” *sits up and sees vincent* “Oh. Vincent.” *pauses as eyes get wide* “Vincent?!” *claps a hand over his mouth*

(vincent is still asleep. sephiroth gets up and slowly goes out onto the balcony, shielding his eyes)

Dante: “There you are! Finally. What’s the matter? Club flu?”

Sephiroth: “I can’t see you! See!”

Dante: “Of course you pick the one morning I put clothes on.”

Sephiroth: *drops hands* “Really?”

Dante: *still naked* “Totally got you.”

Sephiroth: *covers eyes again* “Damn, I hate you!”

Dante: “So…fell asleep in your clothes last night? That’s pretty bad.”

Sephiroth: “Worse…I woke up with Vincent.”

Dante: “And then you put the same clothes back on? Lazy?”

Sephiroth: “I didn’t sleep with him, you jackass! We just…fell asleep together.”

Dante: “Aw. How sweet.”

Sephiroth: *hand to his head* “Sh*t. I don’t believe this. How could I be so weak?”

Dante: “Easy. You’re desperate.”

Sephiroth: “Grrr… I hate you!”

Dante: “Now you just sound like Lloyd.”

(sephiroth angrily stomps back inside, waking up vincent in the process. vincent rubs his eyes)

Vincent: “Angel…oh my goodness. What time is it?”

Sephiroth: “Time for you to go back to your room.” *pulls vincent to his feet* “Get going.”

Vincent: “Very well.” *goes to the door* “…I had a good time last night.”

Sephiroth: “………………” *looks away and taps his foot*

(with a sigh, vincent goes, shutting the door behind him. when he’s gone, sephiroth lets out a big sigh and shakes his head)

Sephiroth: “……..Me too.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile, sephiroth goes to breakfast and sees lark, Brady and reeve sitting together. reeve looks very sad. he goes over and sits down)

Sephiroth: “No trivia today?”

Lark: “Since it’s the last day the trivia is later on.”

Sephiroth: “Oh.” *to reeve* “Tseng still hasn’t shown his face, has he.”

Reeve: “No! And I’ve looked everywhere!” *hand to head* “What if something happened to him? I couldn’t live with myself…”

Lark: “I’m sure he’s fine, Reeve. You know how Tseng is.”

Brady: “I keep hearing everyone say that but I don’t know what that means.”

Sephiroth: “It means last time Tseng got this upset he slept with pretty much every gay, bi or bi curious guy in Shinra.”

Brady: “Oh.”

Sephiroth: “And that was already in addition to his skanky reputation.”

Reeve: *hands on both sides of his head* “Oh god. I can’t even think about it.”

(then bryatt enters. he spots the group and heads over.)

Bryatt: “Hey.”

Reeve: “Hey…have you seen him?”

Bryatt: “I guess that means he didn’t go back last night like I told him to.”

Reeve: *jumps up* “You saw him?! Is he okay?! What happened?!”

Bryatt: “Well let’s see, he came by my room totally drunk last night wanting to crash on my floor. I told him no, offered to take him back to your room. He refused, said a few choice words about you and Rufus and left.”

Reeve: *frowns* “What did he say about me?”

Bryatt: “That you think he’s stupid.”

Reeve: *frowns more*

Lark: “So I guess his whereabouts as of now are unknown.”

(then auron enters and comes over to the group in a hurry)

Auron: “There you are. I thought you might be here.”

Sephiroth: *rolls eyes* “Can you stand not annoying someone for five minutes?”

Auron: *ignores him* “I have Tseng in my room right now.”

Reeve: “You do?!”

Auron: “He came by my room last night yelling cursing about Elena…he was so drunk I guess he forgot it wasn’t her room anymore. Anyway, when I finally opened the door he wanted to crash so I let him in. He looked so awful I couldn’t say no.”

Reeve: “Thank you, Auron. Will you guys come with me to get him?”

Bryatt: “Sure thing.”

Sephiroth: “Into Auron’s room? It probably reeks of old man smell. I’ll pass.”

Reeve: *sigh*

Lark: “Brady, go with them.”

Brady: “Okay. I’ll help you out.”

Reeve: “Thanks, Brady. Let’s go.”

(and so auron, reeve, Brady and bryatt leave.)

Lark: “I can’t believe you. Why didn’t you go with them?”

Sephiroth: “Because I hate Auron. Duh.”

Lark: “But he and Vincent broke up.”

Sephiroth: “So what? That doesn’t change the fact that he’s a jackass.”

Lark: “Tseng’s your friend.”

Sephiroth: “He’s your friend too, and I don’t see you going.”

Lark: *shakes her head*

Sephiroth: “You…have crumbs in your hair.”

Lark: “What?! Where?” *tries to look*

Sephiroth: “Right — let me get it.”

(he reaches over to brush the stuff out of her hair and caresses her cheek upon doing so. she freezes and stares at him looking shocked)

Sephiroth: “God, you look pretty in the sun, Lark.”

Lark: *flustered* “I, uh, I’ve gotta go find Shell.”

(she gets up and hurries away without another word.)

Sephiroth: “…Sorry. Reflex.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile, auron, reeve, Brady and bryatt rush to auron’s room where tseng is still passed out on the bed.)

Brady: “You let him have the bed?”

Auron: “We shared. Hope you don’t mind, Reeve.”

Reeve: “I’m just glad he’s safe. Tseng…” *goes over and shakes him* “Sweetie, wake up.”

Tseng: *stirs* “…Huh? Wuz goin’ on?” *looks around bleary eyed* “Reeve?”

Reeve: “Yeah. You passed out in Auron’s room.”

Tseng: “I know.” *sits up* “Dammit. What, do I get the third degree now?”

Reeve: “No. If you’re tired why don’t you just come back to our room and–“

Tseng: “Leave me alone, Reeve. I told you I needed to be alone.”

Reeve: “…But I also know what you did last time you needed to be alone.”

Tseng: “Oh god. Once a skank always a skank, right Reeve?”

Bryatt: “He didn’t say that.”

Tseng: “Stay out of this, Bryatt. I thought you were my friend but you’d rather bang Zidane than bother with me.”

Bryatt: “That’s not true.”

Tseng: “Yes it is.” *gets up* “Just stay away from me.” *goes to walk out*

Reeve: “So Rufus and Elena are together! So what?! What’s the big deal? Why can’t you explain it to me?! Why do you have to be this way?”

Tseng: “…Because that alone tells me you won’t understand.”

(and with that he just walks away.)

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile, back at the arcade, twilight is running around looking at all the games. opal stands there looking bored.)

Twilight: “These crappy games are all the same! What am I supposed to play that kid in now?!”

Opal: “Can we sit by the pool for *one* day, Twilight?”

Twilight: “Opal, I thought we promised to always support one another.”

Opal: “You didn’t support my knitting class.”

Twilight: “That was taking up too much of your time.”

Opal: *sigh* “Twilight, I don’t know how else I can help you.”

Twilight: *lightbulb* “Opal!” *snaps fingers* “I’ve got it! I know how I can beat that kid! And I need your help!”

Opal: “Let’s hear it, Twilight.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile, at the pool, zell and franswa are sitting around looking at the activities)

Zell: “Hey, cool! There’s karaoke again tonight! That’ll be fun!”

Franswa: *sigh* “I can’t believe vacation is almost over.”

Zell: “Cheer up, man! We still have a whole day of fun left!”

Laguna: “You hear that, son? A whole day of fun left!”

Squall: “Kill me.”

Rinoa: “I agree.”

Laguna: “Aw, you kids are so boring! You should be more like those kids!”

(points to a group of 5 kids – 3 boys, and 2 girls. one girl seems older than the others, while one seems a good deal younger than the others)

Boy 1: “This ship is haunted! I just know it’s haunted.”

Boy 2: “How can it be haunted? It’s brand spankin’ new!”

Boy 1: “I know I heard a moaning last night!”

Girl 1: “It was probably just Hajime jerking off.”

Hajime: “Hey! That’s a private time activity only, Satsuki!”

Boy 3: “…What’s jerking off?”

Girl 2: “Every time you touch yourself an angel dies a horrible death.”

Satsuki: “Don’t encourage him, Momoko. Okay, let’s go everybody!”

Boy 3: “…It sounds like it hurts…”

(the kids leave. the final fantasy characters all have their jaws dropped.)

Rinoa: “Oh my gosh! Those kids are like 10!”

Laguna: *chuckles* “Oh, to be a kid again!”

Squall: “Whatever…you’re demented.”

(meanwhile, at the bar, irvine, reno and zidane are hanging out with ed.)

Zidane: “I had sex last night. And your boss tried to crash the party, Reno.”

Reno: “Tseng showed up?”

Zidane: “Totally drunk. It was…interesting.”

Irvine: “Man, I love threesomes. But only with two chicks. Two dudes and one chick… I don’t know. That might scare me a bit.”

Reno: “It’s all good.”

Irvine: “Dude, you’ve done that?”

Reno: “I’ve done lotsa sh*t.”

Zidane: “…We didn’t have a threesome. He ended up cursing a lot and wandering off.”

Irvine: “Oh. Well I guess that’s still good for a laugh.”

Zidane: “I guess.”

Reno: *whispers* “Hey, Ed – is that Colonel guy hiding down there again?”

Ed: *nods*

Reno: *grins* “Hey, guys? You know that Colonel guy? Don’t you think he’s totally gay?”

Irvine: “Totally.”

Zidane: “In my dreams he is.” *gets elbowed in the stomach by reno* “Umph! Um, I mean sure! Yeah. He totally is.”

Roy: *pops up* “I am not gay!”

Reno: “Oh! Roy! Had no idea you were down there. Sorry! How much of that did you hear?”

Roy: “So you sold me out, fullmetal? I’ll get you back for that.”

Irvine: “How come you keep calling him fullmetal?”

Reno: “Yeah, ’cause if anything sounds gay, that does.”

Roy: “That is his state alchemist nickname. Just like I am the flame alchemist.”

Reno: “Cool! You get nicknames? I want one of those! I could be like, the lady killer Turk.”

Zidane: “Dude, I don’t think that’s what Rufus would pick for you.”

Reno: “I guess. But drunken-lazy-stoner Turk is also kinda too long.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile, rufus finds elena who is just standing at the railing, looking out over the sea)

Rufus: “Hi, Elena.”

Elena: “Oh. Hi, Rufus.”

Rufus: “You seen Tseng?”

Elena: “No. And I don’t really want to.”

Rufus: “I’d just really like to settle this whole thing once and for all. I’m hoping he shows up at dinner.”

Elena: “I somehow doubt that.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(and so we go to dinner for the last time. tseng is once again not there. reeve looks distraught. everyone just sits in silence for a moment)

Shell: “Well, in good news, we won tote bags at trivia today!”

Lark: “After you pestered them for an hour.”

Shell: “It paid off.”

Lloyd: “Hey, Dante.”

Dante: “$%#^ off, Lloyd.”

Lloyd: “It’s Vergil, dipsh*t! And guess what I did today?”

Dante: “If you had sex that’s a secret you really should just take to your grave.”

Lloyd: *proudly* “I had—“

Zell: *blink blink* “Hey, you were with that weird guy I saw today! He had that like weird hat on and that face paint and stuff.”

Lloyd: “Uh…”

Franswa: “Yeah, that guy was scary.”

Dante: “Wow, Lloyd! A creepy face painter? It sounds like you have found someone just as f*#@ed up as you are! Congratulations! When’s the wedding?”

Lloyd: “Screw you, Dante! And call me Vergil!”

Dante: “Oh, by the way, you have some black face paint right here.” *points to his face*

Lloyd: “Go to hell!”

(majic and al come over)

Majic: “Well, everyone, this will be our last night serving you. And I just wanted to say thanks for making my first voyage such a nice one.”

Al: “Yeah.”

Algus: “Your gratitude is appreciated. You have been an outstanding servant. My own could learn a lot from you.”

Zidane: “Oh, shove it, Algus.”

Majic: “I’ll be right back to take your order.”

(he and al leave. the losers enter)

Seymour: “My whole body is sore.”

Scarlet: “From all those massages?”

Seymour: “No! From my masseuse hugging me good-bye today! He was crying and holding me so tight I thought all my arms and legs were going to snap off!”

Kuja: “I got Nuriko’s number, but I’m not sure if I’ll call.”

Hojo: “And I finally saw some children, but none of them were lured by my candy.”

Nida: “I had a great trip! Even if Scarlet snores.”

Scarlet: “At least I don’t curse at Squall in my sleep.”

Nida: “Shut up, whore.”

Heidegger: “And I enjoyed the food! Gya haa haa!”

(majic comes over)

Majic: “Sir, I’m just letting you know the kitchen has informed me that you’ll have to limit yourself to 10 main courses tonight, otherwise we won’t have enough food for everybody else.”

Heidegger: “I’ll starve all night! Gya haa haa!”

(back to the other tables…)

Auron: “What did you wind up doing last night, Vincent?”

Vincent: “Oh, just…relaxing.”

Zell: “There’s karaoke tonight! Anyone planning to go to that?”

Lark: “I am! Especially if Roy’s there!”

Brady: “Lark!”

Lark: “Oops…reflex.”

Reno: “As long as there’s booze there, you know I’m game!”

Rufus: “You know with all the free booze I’m surprised you’re not drunk 24/7, Reno.”

Reno: “Oh, I am. I’m just really, really functional before a certain blood alcohol level.”

Seifer: “I’m not hungry again!”

Ashley: “If I check that mini-bar in the morning and it’s empty, you’re going to regret it for the rest of your life.”

Seifer: *gulp*

Laguna: “When we go to karaoke we can finally sing that song I wanted to sing with you last time, son!”

Squall: “No we can’t.”

Setzer: “I can’t believe our vacation is almost over.”

Edgar: “Well, we are rich. We could just go on another vacation.”

Setzer: “True.”

Edgar: “But you lost so much money I don’t know if that would be such a wise idea.”

Setzer: *rolls eyes* “Are you going to keep bringing that up in *every* conversation?”

Lark: “We’ll just have to make this last night really count!”

Zidane: “Hells yeah!”

Algus: “That’s quite enough out of you.”

Reeve: *frowns* “My vacation is ruined. I have to go look for him.”

Bryatt: “Running all around the ship won’t do you any good. Knowing Tseng he’ll probably go out and get drunk again, so I won’t be surprised if he turns up at karaoke.”

Reeve: “You think so?”

Bryatt: “It’s a definite possibility.”

Reeve: *sigh* “Then I guess I’ll stay there for awhile and see if he turns up.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(fast forward to later. most of the gang arrives at karaoke.)

Lark: *looking around* “No sign of Treize and Zechs.”

Brady: “Great – somebody go grab the microphone.”

Reno: “I’ll do it!” *runs on stage*

Rufus: “Oh no! See what you did? He sucks!”

(but it’s too late. reno is on stage with the mic in hand and roy is setting up the machine to play something.)

Reno: “Good evening everybody! Tonight I’m gonna sing a little song called ‘Bad Touch’.”

Everyone: “Oh god.”

Rufus: “Great. Now we all have to suffer.”

Reno: *singing off key* “You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals so let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel! Whoo!” *thrusts hips*

Rufus: “If you have to hit him over the head with something and pry that mic from his hands – do it!”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile at the arcade…)

Kid: “I’ve been waiting for you, Mr. Stick Man!”

Twilight: “Are you ready for your ultimate beating?”

Kid: “I’m not scared of you!”

Twilight: “Well you should be –because I’m your worst nightmare! But I’m also armed with the best weapon yet!”

Kid: “What?”

Twilight: “I can read you the names of every game in this place.”

Kid: *gasp*

Twilight: “Yeah! Watch and be amazed, jerk!” *points to each game as he reads* “Dance, Dance Revolution! Soul Caliber II! Cruisin’ Exotica! Tekken 3! House of the Dead 4! Midnight Club 2! Ms. Pac Man! Gauntlet Dark Legacy! Star Wars Episode One Pod Racers! And Mortal Kombat!”

Kid: *blink blink* “Wow…you did it.”

Twilight: “Damn right I did! So what do you have to say to *that*?”

Kid: “Good job!”

Twilight: *blink blink* “What?”

Kid: “I said good job!”

Twilight: *frowns* “Don’t patronize the great Twilight XyXia you little—“

(then the mother comes over)

Mother: “Horace? What are you doing? Oh! It’s you! Sorry I didn’t notice you earlier, but I had other ships to do.” *waves to an employee whose name tag says ships*

Twilight: “Horace?”

Horace: “That’s my name!”

Twilight: “Ugh! That is an *awful* name.”

Mother: “How rude! I happen to love that name!”

Twilight: “Someone has to.”

Mother: “Well! Come on, son. Let’s go. He’s waiting for us.”

Horace: “Is *he* my daddy, mommy?”

Mother: “I hope so, honey. ‘Cause mommy’s running out of options.”

(she starts walking off with the kid)

Horace: “Bye, Mr. Stick Man!”

Twilight: “See you in hell, spelling freak!”

(they leave. then opal comes over)

Opal: “How did it go?”

Twilight: “I remembered everything! I really showed him! He cowered before me!”

Opal: “I saw the whole thing.”

Twilight: “Isn’t Horace a hideous name?”

Opal: “That’s not nice, Twilight.”

Twilight: “It is! Twilight is a much better name! Everybody should be named Twilight – after me, of course!”

Opal: “Oh, Twilight. You never change.”

Twilight: “Of course not, Opal! You can’t change perfection!”

Opal: “Let’s go join the others.”

(and the leave. as they do a small black cat with big green eyes pops out of nowhere, walks across the arcade and then disappears again.)

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile, back at karake, lloyd has the mic)

Lloyd: *sings* “Oh Mandy! You came and you gave without taking! But I sent you away, oh, Mandy! Well you kissed me and stopped me from shaking, and I need yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooou!”

Alucard: *twitches*

Twilight: “I came here for *this*?!”

Vincent: “…Bad memories…”

Dante: “At least it’ll be easy to follow up that act from hell.”

Lloyd: “I heard that, Dante!”

Roy: *takes the mic* “That was Lloyd with his…interesting version of ‘Mandy’.”

Lloyd: “My name is Vergil! How can no one #$%^@#$ get it right?!”

Roy: “Who wants to sing a song next?”

?????: “I do.”

(and who comes up but a drunken looking tseng. he snatches the mic right out of roy’s hands)

Reeve: “Tseng!”

Tseng: *is totally drunk* “I’m gonna sing a song called ‘Rufus J Shinra is a stupid f#$%@!% asshole.”

Elena: “Oh my god.”

Roy: “Uh, I don’t think there’s a song like that.”

Tseng: “Thas okay, ‘cause I know the words.”

Roy: “Maybe you better give me the mic.”

Tseng: “And maybe you better back off, Captain Gay!”

Roy: “It’s Colonel! And I’m not gay! I’ve been hitting on that girl Lark this whole time!”

Lark: *smiles and waves*

Brady: *taps foot* “Reflex?”

Lark: “Um, yeah.”

Reeve: *runs up to the stage* “Tseng! I’ve been looking all over for you!”

Tseng: “Leave me alone, Reeve! There’s somethin’ I’ve gotta say.”

Reeve: “Tseng, no.”

(reeve comes over and tries to get tseng away from the mic, but tseng pushes him away rather violently. reeve looks stunned)

Tseng: “F$#% you, Reeve! I won’t let you stop me!”

Algus: “Should we call security?”

Rufus: “…No just let him go.”

Tseng: “Anyway, you know what I think of Rufus Shinra? Rufus Shinra is a greedy, lazy, womanizing, stupid, f#$%^&* sh*thead jerkoff ass f#$%^@&! He just sits on his pile of money all day and looks down on everybody else! And he thinks he’s so f$%^&(@ hot ‘cause he was born rich, but nobody even f#$%@!^ likes his ass.”

Rude: “Tell it, boss!”

Tseng: “Everyone havin’ a good time on their nice cruise? Rufus built this ship and then he tries to make it like everything’s free, when it’s not. The sh*t in the mini-bar is *not* free! That’s how he gets ya! Rufus isn’t generous! Rufus is an asshole!”

Seifer: “Damn right!”

Tseng: “And ‘cause he’s got so much money he thinks he can just take whatever he wants. Oh, that chick looks hot. I’ll just take her. Oh, I like that house. I’ll just buy it ‘cause I’m so f$%^&*# rich! Oh, some other man’s kid? I’ll just take her too ‘cause I can! ‘Cause I’m Rufus f#$%^&*( Shinra, the stupid asshole prick of the world! And Elena? Elena is a whore. First, she’s like totally in love with me even though I’m obviously f#$%^&* gay, and she gets my sperm from this creepy ass doctor who lives next door.”

Hojo: “He’s talking about me!”

Kuja: “Duh.”

Tseng: “And you know what she does with it? She like uses a turkey baster, or whatever, and gets herself knocked up. With my kid. And I don’t even know! She doesn’t even f$%%^&@$ tell me. But you know what, when I do find out, I’m cool with it. I like kids. Always wanted one. And I love my daughter. I love her so much. I would give my life for hers in a second. But then Rufus comes along. And he starts f$#@%^& hitting on Elena. And she’s a dirty whore, so she’s all for it – hell, she f#$%@# my friend while she was still pregnant so she could go into labor faster, nice huh? Anyway, Elena’s a skank and so she goes for Rufus and there goes my daughter! Rufus is just going to f#$%^&* take that away from me too! Just like he took away my Christmas bonus and my really nice office chair! And you wanna know why? Because Rufus Shinra is a $!@#$!@%!^%@%!@#% ass !@#$@!#$!@#%!^! @!$!@#$!@%!% jerk @#$!@#$!%!@$%^!%!@$@! Who @#$!%@%#^@% #$%@#$^ brainless @#$!%@#$%@%@^@^&@# lying $!@%#!@$^!#%!#%!@#$^@^#$%$#@@%$#%@ @^&#@$%^@# jackbutt!”

Cid: “Wow.”

Lloyd: “Look, Dante! He used my word!”

Dante: “Go away, Lloyd.”

Lloyd: “*Vergil*!”

Tseng: “So Rufus Shinra, you can just go #$%^ yourself! And you can kiss my gay ass because you’re not gettin’ my daughter!” *points into the crowd* “F#$% you, f$%^# you, you’re cool, and f$%^ you!”

(then he drops the mic and starts to walk off)

Reeve: “Tseng…”

Tseng: *shoves him* “Get away from me.”

Elena: “Wow. I wonder what he really thinks.”

Rufus: “Reno, Rude – can you do me a favor and drag him outside for me?”

Rude: “…He was pretty much right…”

Rufus: “Do it, Rude!”

(and so reno and rude run over to tseng and grab him by the arms. he protests but they manage to drag him out. reeve follows. treize and zechs take this opportunity to grab the mic.)

Zechs: “I dedicate this song to Treize…”

Treize: “I dedicate this song to Zechs…”

Rufus: *to elena* “Let’s get out of here.”

(they do…meanwhile, hojo’s holding up business cards)

Hojo: “Hojo’s sperm bank and lab, as mentioned in the drunken man’s tirade! We do a little bit of everything.”

Nida: “Ew! Stop grossing everyone out you old freak!”

Lloyd: “He used my word! I told you I rock!”

Dante: “No, Lloyd. You don’t rock. And you’re missing something that Tseng totally had lots of.”

Lloyd: “Call me Vergil, you douchebag! And what?”

Dante: “Balls.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile, elena and rufus head outside)

Rufus: “So now it’s finally starting to make sense – he’s upset because he thinks I’m taking Lily away from him, and you’re letting me.”

Elena: “I know…he looked so pathetic, I can’t even be mad at him.”

(they go over to where reeve, bryatt, reno, rude and tseng are. reno and rude are still trying to hold tseng back)

Rufus: “Tseng, we need to talk.”

Tseng: “F$%^ you! I don’t wanna talk to you!”

Rufus: “I’m not trying to take Lily away from you, Tseng.”

Tseng: “Yes, you are! Liar!”

Elena: “Tseng, no he’s not. Now listen. I know this isn’t the best time to discuss this, because you’re obviously drunk, but we have to get this settled because we can’t live like this.” *sigh* “Rufus is not trying to take Lily away from you.”

Tseng: “Yes he is! You know he wants to be a dad! He’s already trying to push me out!”

Elena: “Tseng! Lily is your daughter! That will never change! I always want you to be there for her and be her dad. I would never try and change any of that! And I would never take that away from you!”

Rufus: “I’m just trying to help. That’s all.”

Tseng: “…………”

Rufus: “If I made you feel that way, I’m really sorry. Really. That wasn’t my intention. You’re right – I do want to be a dad. But…I still have time to have my own kids.”

Tseng: “…You guys can put me down now.”

Rude: “Are you gonna punch Rufus?”

Tseng: “…No.”

Rude: “You sure? ‘Cause you probably should.”

Rufus: “That’s enough, Rude.”

(reno and rude let tseng go.)

Bryatt: “Why don’t you guys come inside and get a drink with me?”

Reno: “Sounds good.”

(bryatt, reno and rude leave. tseng stands there, sighs and runs a hand through his hair)

Tseng: “You swear to me that’s the truth.”

Rufus: “I swear on all my money. And that’s a lot to lose.”

Tseng: “…Cause it didn’t feel that way.”

Elena: “Why didn’t you just tell us that was how you felt earlier?”

Tseng: “Because no one seemed to listen to me.”

Reeve: “I asked you to tell me what was wrong and you wouldn’t. You said I wouldn’t understand. How wouldn’t I understand? She’s my daughter too.”

Tseng: “…It’s not the same, Reeve.”

Reeve: “To hell it’s not the same!”

Rufus: “Reeve…”

Reeve: *looks visibly upset but stays quiet*

Elena: “Tseng, are you okay now? Do you still feel like going on stage and trash talking us in front of everyone?”

Tseng: “…No.”

Rufus: “Besides, it’s not like we’re getting married or anything. We’re just…”

Elena: “Seeing what happens.”

Tseng: “I thought no one would listen to me. And I just couldn’t stand the thought of losing her.”

Elena: “I understand that. But there are plenty of people who will listen to you, okay? Don’t forget that.”

Tseng: “I’m sorry.”

Elena: “Don’t worry about it.”

Rufus: “Maybe you should go get some rest. Tomorrow we have to get off the ship.”

Tseng: “Good idea.”

Elena: “Good night, Tseng.”

Tseng: “…Good night.”

(rufus and elena leave. reeve stands there looking annoyed)

Tseng: “Reeve?”

Reeve: “What?”

Tseng: “I’m sorry. I was an idiot.”

Reeve: “Yeah. You are an idiot. Now can we please go back to our room?”

Tseng: “…Yeah.”

(and they go off, but neither looks very happy.)

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile, sephiroth is standing outside just breathing in the fresh air when vincent comes over)

Vincent: “I cannot stand them singing that song anymore.”

Sephiroth: “You and me both.”

(they stand in silence a moment)

Vincent: “You were fairly drunk last night.”

Sephiroth: “I know.”

Vincent: “I don’t know if you remember, much.”

Sephiroth: “………………”

Vincent: “But as I’ve said, I had a good time.”

Sephiroth: “I remember.”

Vincent: “Pardon?”

Sephiroth: “I said I remember. I remember everything that happened last night.”

Vincent: “Oh.”

Sephiroth: “Look, Vincent. I don’t want you to get your hopes up or anything. What’s over is over. We don’t get second chances in this world.”

Vincent: “I’m afraid I can’t agree with that.”

Sephiroth: “…Everyone has to believe in something I guess.”

(and so he walks away. vincent watches him go.)

Vincent: “Yes, angel. And someone has to believe in you.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(at the very end of the night, roy and ed are cleaning up)

Roy: “Still no sign of Scar?”

Ed: “No.”

Roy: “I can’t believe we took these stupid jobs for no reason.”

(then all of the sudden the guy with the scar on his cheek and the red hair walks by)

Man: “Have a good night!”

(roy and ed look at him, then at each other.)

Roy: “Capture him!”

Man: “Oro? Orrrrrrrrooooooo!” *runs away*

(they chase him down the hall. Ed claps, puts his hands down and makes a barricade so he can’t go any further. Then roy tackles him)

Roy: “I’ve got you!”

Ed: “Uh, Roy?”

Roy: “Haha! I’ll definitely get promoted for this!”

Ed: “Hey, stupid! That’s the wrong guy!”

Roy: “And when I’m Fuehrer—huh, what?” *looks at the guy* “Dammit. Who the hell are you?”

Man: “Kenshin. Himura Kenshin.”

Ed: “Yeah. Not him.”

Roy: “Oh. Sorry.” *gets up* “You’re free to go.”

Kenshin: “It’s okay! If I was still an assassin I’d kill you in the blink of an eye!”

Roy: “Yeah, right.” *he turns to walk away and says to ed softly* “What a bunch of weirdos.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(the next morning, the vacation is over. everyone has gotten off the boat and are in the van, on their way back home. it’s a sad looking, over cast day.)

Lark: “Well, that was a good vacation, despite some drama.”

Ashley: “500 dollars, Seifer. 500 dollars.”

Seifer: “It was an accident!”

Ashley: “How do you *accidentally* buy stuff from the mini-bar?”

Seifer: “Uh…it, um…I, uh….”

Ashley: “Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

Seifer: “It was worth it!”

Ashley: “I hope, ‘cause that’s coming out of your ‘vitamin’ money.”

Seifer: “Aw, come on!”

Squall: *snort*

Seifer: “Shut up, Squall!”

Lloyd: “I forgot to get Tomo’s phone number!”

Dante: “He wouldn’t have returned your calls anyway.”

Shell: “I’ll miss relaxing in the sun.”

Laguna: “I’ll miss hanging out with my son!”

Squall: “I won’t.”

Franswa: “I’ll miss the peace and quiet.”

Reno and Irvine: “I’ll miss the free booze!”

Ashley: “I’ll miss the hot guy at the spa.”

Zell: “I’ll miss the food!”

Seifer: “I’ll miss the mini-bar! Er…”

Algus: “I’ll miss seeing myself make money.”

Setzer: “I’ll miss the casino.”

Edgar: “I *won’t* miss the casino.”

Twilight: “I’ll miss the arcade.”

Lark: “I’ll miss Roy!”

Brady: “Lark…”

Lark: “Oops, sorry! R—“

Everyone: “Reflex!”

Brady: “Sweetie, everybody knows by now.”

(the van stops and everyone gets off. alucard sighs and puts down his suitcase)

Dante: “Did you have a good vacation, babe?”

Alucard: “I did. I’m just surprised I didn’t hear from dad again.”

Dante: *looking past alucard his jaw suddenly drops*

Alucard: “What?”

Dante: *jaw still dropped*

(alucard turns around to look at the castle. only the castle isn’t there. it’s just a smoldering pile of rubble. his jaw drops. dracula comes running out of the rubble. he is missing both his arms)

Dracula: “Alucard! Oh, Alucard! I thought you were dead! The castle exploded!”

Alucard: *jaw still dropped*

Dracula: “The fishes were after me again, so I started shoving my body parts down the drain! Then there was this explosion! Then I was full of rocks. Then I saw light, so I started going to it, but that kind of hurt me, so I just waited around for awhile. And now I’ve got an itch on my back but I can’t scratch it for some reason!”

Alucard: *jaw still dropped*

Dracula: “Anyway, you have to help me find sidewalk to throw at them! If it’s a fight they want, they’ve got it!” *runs off*

(alucard still looks like he’s in a trance. dante comes over and puts a hand on his shoulder)

Dante: “Welcome home.”

THE END

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