Rufus: “Oh god. What the hell is this? Some Charlie Brown special?”

Originally Published: 11/27/02 . 7 pages

Synopsis
It’s another Thanksgiving in the ramble room, but Rufus is trying to sell his products! Will Reeve be able to save the holiday?

Ramble Milestones
Nothing this time.

Hurry! You haven’t written a ramble in awhile! Throw something up about Thanksgiving! Yup, that was my actual thought process. At least it turned out good

(rufus enters the ramble room, the turks and reeve trailing behind him.)

Rufus: *happy sigh* “You know. I really like Thanksgiving.”

Elena: “Why’s that, President Rufus sir?”

Rufus: “Because. It’s one of the few holiday’s not associated with booze.”

Reno: “Give me 30 seconds and I can change that.”

Rufus: “No! Thanksgiving should be preserved for what it’s always stood for.”

Reeve: “Being thankful for things?”

Rufus: “No! The beginning of the holiday shopping season!” *he takes a piece of paper out of his pocket and unravels it* “Now, you guys, as my contracted employees until the year 3045–“

Tseng: *mutters* “He’ll own us even after we’re dead.”

Rufus: “–Will be helping the MAFIA sell our Christmas wares to everyone in the ramble room.”

Reeve: “Rufus, can’t you wait until AFTER Thanksgiving is over at least?”

Rufus: “And waste precious days full of hours for shopping? I think not. Now everyone take a look at this.”

Reno: “Ooh! You’re selling beer mugs!”

Elena: “And handbags!”

Tseng: “And moisturizer!”

Rude: “And cheap stuff!”

Reno: “How can you afford to sell stuff this cheap, Rufus?”

Rufus: “Somewhere Reno, in a magical land, there are people who will work for pennies.”

Reeve: “That’s horrible.”

Rufus: “Shut up, Reeve. You’ll be keeping my accounts. The rest of you, put on your best smiles and prepare to sell, sell, sell!”

Reno: “Will we also get to buy, buy, buy?”

Rufus: “Why of course, Reno my friend! We have something for everyone on your list!”

Reno: “Do we get discounts ’cause we work for you?”

Rufus: “Yeah, right. I’m not that stupid.”

Tseng: “Do we get paid overtime?”

Rufus: “Hey! What’s this now?! I’m giving you quality merchandise at cheap ass prices! Don’t expect more of me!”

Reeve: “What’s everyone going to be doing for Thanksgiving?”

Rufus: “What do you think, Reeve?”

Reeve: “Eating turkey with family and friends?”

Rufus: “No, you idiot! Spending their hard earned money! Today’s world is past all that homey crap. There’s no time for wasting your time on giving thanks when you have all those people to buy Christmas presents for! Now start getting familiar with the merchandise! We start selling tomorrow at 8 A.M. sharp!”

 

……………………………………………………………………………………………

 

(the next morning at 8 A.M. sharp, the members of the MAFIA are watching the Turks and Reeve set up their booths…)

Algus: “Wonderful idea, Rufus. Splendid. I’d pat you on the back, but I don’t want to ruin your Gucci suit.”

Rufus: “Considerate as always, Algus my friend. It is quite an ingenious idea, isn’t it?”

Shell: “Rude! I expect something fifty times more expensive than anything on those tables!”

Rude: “Aw, crap, Shell.”

Sephiroth: “I spent my whole morning tacking up flyers, so people better show up.”

Edgar: “I can’t believe you volunteered for that job.”

Sephiroth: “I like anything that involves sticking pointy objects into something.”

Laguna: “Hey hey! I printed out a bunch of stickers that say ‘President of Esthar approved’! That’ll boost sales even more!”

Rufus: “Uh… Hold off on those stickers for now, and if something doesn’t sell, we still won’t use them.”

Laguna: “Hey hey! Sounds good!” *pause* “Wait, what?”

Setzer: “Where is everyone? It’s 8:01!”

Reeve: “Maybe they thought of better ways to spend Thanksgiving than buying cheap, imported merchandise.”

Rufus: “Yeah. Right. Because this holiday actually matters.”

Reeve: *frowns* “You just wait, Rufus. When no one shows up–“

(but at that moment the doors open, and everyone comes flooding in, money in hand. they go and crowd the tables as the members of the mafia look on grinning. reeve’s face falls…)

 

…………………………………………………………………………………………

 

(four hours later, the ramble room is still a shopping frenzy…)

Selphie: *pouring over the contents of reeve’s table* “Ooh!! Ceramic kitties!!! They’re so *cute*! I bet Rinoa would love to get these cute little things for Christmas! How much?”

Reeve: “4 dollars each.”

Selphie: “Wow! What a bargain!” *digs out money and hands it to him*

Reeve: “Don’t you know what day it is?”

Selphie: “Sure I do, silly! It’s Thursday!” *she leaves*

Reeve: *turns to tseng* “This is all so wrong.”

Tseng: *smoothing out silk scarves* “I know. Did they really expect to sell these colors?”

Reeve: “Honey, I’m talking about the fact that it’s Thanksgiving and no one cares. All they care about is getting good deals on slave labor merchandise.”

Tseng: “Well, that’s how the stores treat it. It’s like there’s no Thanksgiving at all, just Halloween and Christmas.”

Reeve: “You’re absolutely right.” *sets jaw* “I can’t let this go on.” *declares* “It’s up to me to save Thanksgiving!” *he storms out*

Tseng: *blink blink*

Rufus: “Where does he think he’s going?”

Tseng: “To save Thanksgiving.”

Rufus: “Oh god. What the hell is this? Some Charlie Brown special?”

 

……………………………………………………………………………………………

 

(later…about 2 hours later…laguna has taken over at reeve’s table. he has stuck his ‘president of esthar approved’ stickers on all the cats.)

Laguna: “Look, son! These little ceramic kitties have been approved by the President of Esthar, me! Your very own dad!”

Squall: “Then they must suck.”

Laguna: “That’s right!” *pause* “Wait, what?”

Kiros: “He said that they must suck.”

Laguna: *chin trembles* “….Really, son? Is that what you said?”

Squall: “Yup. Word for word.”

Rufus: “Where’s that idiot Reeve? Hasn’t he saved Thanksgiving by now?”

Algus: “How does one exactly save Thanksgiving?”

Rufus: “I don’t know… For some reason or another I think it involves a pilgrim.”

Edgar: “How have we been doing money wise?”

Algus: “Exceptionally well. We’re almost out of stock on everything.”

Setzer: “Except those scarves. Bleh.”

Rufus: “All in all it’s been a very successful business day for all of us.”

?????: “It’s more than that!!”

(everyone turns to where reeve stands in the door…wearing a pilgrim outfit.)

Rufus: “I knew it.”

Reeve: “It’s Thanksgiving! For years it’s stood as the day on which we give thanks for all that we’re so fortunate to have. The stores gloss it over because they can’t market it. You can’t market gratefulness and thankfulness. You can’t wrap it in a box. You can’t give it away in little paper wrappers. You can only recognize it inside yourself and use your words to make it known. You’re supposed to spend Thanksgiving doing just that–being thankful, and sharing food with family and friends who you are thankful to have in your life. That’s what this day is all about. Not commercialism. People.”

Everyone: “……………………….”

Reno: “Oh man. We f***ed up Thanksgiving!”

Rufus: *frowns* “What’s this strange feeling in my chest?”

Tseng: “I think it’s guilt.”

Rufus: *gasp*

Reno: “Well what do we do now??”

Reeve: “Don’t worry. I went out and got a big dinner for everyone. I set the table and everything. It’s only Boston Market, but hey, it’s something.”

Elena: “All right! Reeve rocks!”

(everyone hurries out of the room except for rufus, sephiroth, tseng and reeve)

Rufus: *haltingly* “I… I… I feel…bad.”

Tseng: “It’s okay, Rufus. Reeve saved everything.”

Sephiroth: “I’m wondering where he got the dorky pilgrim costume.”

Rufus: “Hey. I just realized this, but where are the ramble girls?”

Reeve: “They went home to be with their families for Thanksgiving.”

Rufus: “Oh… That makes sense.”

Reeve: “Because you know if Lark was here this never would have happened.”

Rufus: *laughs* “Thank god for small favors!” *everyone glares at him and he stops laughing* “…Let’s go eat.”

 

THE END