#82 – An Incredibly Short and Stupid Ramble

Twilight: “I glued a quarter to the floor. He spent an hour and a half trying to pick it up!”

Originally Published: 4/1/01 . 4 pages

Everyone’s sick of Twilight playing pranks. It’s time for some payback!

Ramble Milestones
Nothing this time.

I’m pretty sure this was the shortest ramble I ever wrote – apparently I wrote it in 15 minutes. It’s amusing. I like it. It’s also 4 pages, so I can’t find much more to say.

(there are quite a few unhappy people in the ramble room)

Rufus: “I’ve had just about enough of Twilight.”

Zell: “Yo, me too!”

Tseng: “This has been ‘April Fools Day’ *week* to him.”

Irvine: “We should get him back.”

Rufus: “Of course we should!” *pause* “But how?”

Reno: “We could beat him up?”

Rufus: “Nah, too direct.”

Reeve: “We could sic Lark and Shell’s dog on him.”

Rufus: “Okay, no, Reeve. We don’t want to give him malaria.”

Tseng: “I know. Let’s make him think he’s lost something he really loves.”

Guys: *think*

Zell: “Ooh! I know!”

Irvine: “What?”

Zell: “Let’s make him think he’s ugly!”

Reno: “He *is* vain.”

Reeve: “He sure is.”

Tseng: “That would crush him.”

Rufus: “I don’t know. I don’t think you should mess with a pretty face.”

Reno: “Forget your face for five minutes, Rufus. This is Twilight we’re talking about. No one likes him.”

Rufus: “All right, but how should we do it?”

Reeve: “I know just the thing.”


(later…lark and sephiroth are making out in the ramble room when a high pitched scream is heard from elsewhere. they don’t seem affected by it until a frantic twilight, his face covered in weird bumps, comes running in frantically and they’re forced to separate)

Sephiroth: “If you were anyone else I would kill you.”

Lark: “What’s wrong, Twilight?” *studies his face* “What’s on your face?”

Twilight: “I don’t know!!!! I was watching ‘The Empire Strikes Back’ and Vader was talking, and he’s boring, so I fell asleep, and when I woke up, there were these weird lumps all over my face! My beautiful, beautiful face! Opal will never be able to look at me again! What am I going to do?! All the people I don’t want to be friends with will laugh at me!! They can’t laugh at me! I am the great Twilight XyXia!”

(sephiroth goes up to twilight’s face, and studies it some more. then he picks off one of the ‘sores’ and studies it more closely)

Twilight: *grabs his face* “Ahhhhhh!! You can’t rip those off! I might bleed! Bleed!!!!! Then where will I be?!”

Sephiroth: “This is a Cheerio.”

Twilight: “Oh no!!!! What’s that?!?!”

Sephiroth: *gives him a look* “A breakfast cereal.”

Twilight: *jaw drops* “Wha?”

Lark: *gets up* “A Cheerio?! What the hell?!”

Sephiroth: “If I were Heidegger I would probably say ‘Gya haa haa! Crunchy!’ And eat this or something, even though it’s covered in toothpaste.”

Twilight: “Toothpaste?!”

Sephiroth: “Looks like someone played an April Fools prank on you.”

Twilight: *gasp* “Me?! How could they?! I didn’t do anything to them!”

Lark: *gives him a look* “Twilight, who’s *them*?”

Twilight: “………Rufus, Zell, Irvine, Reno, Reeve and Tseng.”

Lark: “Uh huh. I knew it.”

Sephiroth: *eagerly* “What did you do to Rufus?”

Twilight: “I glued a quarter to the floor. He spent an hour and a half trying to pick it up!”

Sephiroth: *laughs hysterically*

Lark: *frowns*

Sephiroth: *stops laughing*

Twilight: “I’m gonna get them back!!”

Lark: *grabs him by the collar* “Oh no you’re not.” *thinks a minute* “I think I can think of a suitable punishment for *all* of you.”

Twilight: “Oh, crap.”


(soon thereafter, the guys are all standing in the ramble room, looking very unhappy with slumped shoulders. shell walks by, putting on a coat)

Shell: “And make sure you buy *exactly* what’s on your list. Don’t buy me anything cheaper. I’ll make you take it back. Won’t I, Rude?”

Rude: “Yes, Shell.”

Tseng: *whispers to reeve* “I am never playing an April Fool’s joke again.”

Shell: “No talking! Let’s go.”

(she leaves and the guys start to follow)

Twilight: “This sucks.”

Zell: “Yo, it’s your fault! You started it!”

Twilight: “You started it first by being a jerk in the first place!”

Irvine: “Both of you shut up!”

Rufus: “Where am I supposed to get the money for this?”

Reno: *pushes him* “Don’t make me barf.”

(they all leave, leaving lark and seph alone)

Lark: *brushes off her hands* “Well, that did the trick.” *smiles at seph* “At least you were a good boy.”

Sephiroth: *grins* “I’m always good. I would never pull a prank on April Fool’s day.” *goes to kiss her*

Zidane’s voice: “AHHHHHHH!!! MY FACE!!!!”

Sephiroth: *stops dead, sweat drops* “Eh heh. April Fools?”


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