#81 – White, Fluffy and Set to Kill

Lark: “EVERYONE is cowering in fear on the couch! Even Sephiroth!”

Originally Published: 3/29/01 . 31 pages

Synopsis
When Belle, Lark and Shell’s dog visits, she’s not very friendly, especially when she starts to talk!

Ramble Milestones
-Belle’s first appearance.

This ramble is definitely weird. But it’s also kind of funny. The thing about Belle was that she really didn’t like strangers. Around our house we used to make her talk and say all kinds of crazy things like she does in the ramble. Belle passed away in 2008, and she’s definitely been missed. You couldn’t say that dog didn’t have a unique personality! Also, I totally forgot about the game we play where blindfolded people hit each other with newspapers. Talk about random. I actually forgot that game existed.

(there is a group of people in the ramble room: lark, seph, Ashley, seifer, reeve, tseng and rufus are all there, just sitting around)

Ashley: “I still can’t believe you guys are *finally* going out. I was starting to think you’d never get together.”

Lark: “It’s old news now. And I really don’t see what the big deal is.”

Ashley: “Whatever.”

Rufus: “At least you didn’t walk *in* on them!”

(rude enters with reno)

Reno: “Heya, everyone.” *grins at lark and seph* “Aw, look at the happy couple.”

Lark: “Shut up.” *throws pillow at him*

Rude: “Where’s Shell?”

Reno: “Who cares, man? You’re safe now.”

Rude: “I care.”

Lark: “Oh, she went home to get something.”

Ashley: “Yeah, she nattered about a surprise or something.”

Reno: “Maybe she’s bringing you a gift, man.”

Rude: “This ain’t the Twilight Zone, man.”

Tseng: “Do you guys realize you put ‘man’ at the end of almost *every* sentence?”

Rude and Reno: *look at one another, blink, and look back at tseng* “What do ya mean, man?”

Tseng: *sigh*

Seifer: “Hey, you know, Ashley, I think my tv’s broken.” *grin*

(Ashley hits him as lark throws another pillow at him)

Seifer: “Ow!”

Sephiroth: “Lark, you’re taking all my pillows!”

Lark: “Sorry, sweetie, but I have to throw *something*!”

(then the door to the ramble room opens and there’s shell. she’s holding a leash that’s attached to a small, fluffy white dog with curly hair, that’s madly waving it’s tail)

Shell: “Hey, everyone! Look what I brought!”

Ashley and Lark: *grow pale* “Oh no.”

Ashley: “How could you, Shell?!”

Lark: “Are you out of your mind?!”

Reeve: “Cute dog.”

Seifer: “That’s *your* dog?”

Shell: “Yup! This is me and Lark’s cute puppy! Her name is Belle, and she’s the sweetest thing in the whole wide world!”

Lark: “My ass she is! Don’t call that thing mine! That thing *hates* me!”

Shell: “Aw-haw! No! She *loves* you!”

Ashley: “That dog hates everyone!”

Shell: “No! She loves me!”

(she goes to pet belle and the dog growls. shell takes her hand away)

Shell: “Eh heh. Most of the time.” *sweat drops*

Tseng: “Looks pretty friendly to me.”

Reeve: “I like dogs.”

Rufus: *nervously* “It doesn’t have rabies or anything, does it?”

Shell: “It’s our family pet! Of course not!”

Belle: *wags tail happily*

Reno: “Looks harmless to me.” *pause* “Except for when it growled at Shell. That was pretty scary.”

Shell: “Rude, pet the dog.”

Rude: *sighs* “Yes, Shell.”

Reno: “Be careful, Rude.”

(rude leans over and hesitates a little before petting belle. but to his relief, and to lark’s surprise, she just keeping wagging her tail happily)

Ashley: “What the…??”

Lark: “Are you sure that’s Belle?”

Shell: “Is it okay if I take her collar off now?”

Lark: *hesitates* “I guess… But if she bites anyone, they can take it up with Rufus.”

Rufus: “But it’s your dog!”

Lark: “But you took everyone’s lawyers!”

Rufus: “But I–!” *pause* “Oh right. I did.”

(and so shell lets belle free of the leash. and at the moment she does, belle starts barking like a manic at everyone, running around the room. pretty much everyone screams and stands up on what they’re sitting on. reno pushes and shoves his way onto the couch. only rude and shell are left standing on the floor)

Seifer: *holding onto Ashley for dear life* “Don’t let it bite me!”

Ashley: “Oh, it won’t bite you, Seifer!”

Lark: “Only ’cause it has no teeth!”

Reno: “I take it back! That thing is *so* not harmless!”

Sephiroth: “Your dog is crazy!”

Rufus: *wailing* “I’m too important to die!!”

Reeve: “I thought dogs liked me!”

Tseng: “This one seems to really hate you, Reeve.”

(it really does seem that way. belle has stopped running around and has become dedicated to barking at reeve)

Reeve: *clinging to tseng* “Come on! You’re a Turk! Protect me!”

Rufus: “Poke it with that paperclip and maybe it will go away!”

Shell: “Aw-haw! Don’t poke my dog!”

Rude: “Your dog hates everything, Shell.”

(shell goes over and picks belle up, and the dog continues to bark at reeve as she crosses the room. when she gets over near rude, belle stops barking and starts wagging her tail)

Shell: “She likes *you*, Rude.”

(she hands belle to rude and belle starts licking his face)

Rude: *grimaces* “Thanks, Shell.”

Shell: “Aw! That’s so cute! I wish I had a camera!” *pause* “You should buy me one, Rude.”

Rude: *trying to talk with belle licking him* “Yes, Shell.”

Lark: “Shell! Put that stupid dog back on the leash! And make sure it doesn’t get out!”

Shell: “Aw-haw! But she’s such a sweetie! Everyone will love her!”

Lark: “EVERYONE is cowering in fear on the couch! Even Sephiroth!”

Sephiroth: *peering out from behind lark* “Was not.”

Shell: *sighs in annoyance* “Fine.” *puts leash on* “Rude and I are going to take Belle for a walk. Cause Rude loves Belle, don’t you, Rude?”

Rude: “Yes, Shell.”

(he and shell leave the room)

Rufus: “My whole life flashed before my eyes!”

Reno: “Oh please.”

Reeve: “I don’t get it. All animals like me.”

Ashley: “That’s what I thought before I met Belle.”

Lark: “That’s because Belle’s not a dog. She’s a demon.”

Seifer: “She wasn’t *that* bad!”

Ashley: “Seifer, you were so scared you almost pissed your pants.”

Seifer: “Was not!”

Lark: “Well, don’t worry you guys. We’re safe for now. Belle will be confined to a leash and no one will get hurt.”

…………………………………………………………………………….

(later, in the ramble room. belle is nowhere to be seen. in the ramble room we have a group consisting of lark, sephiroth, twilight, zell, shell, rude, reno, reeve, tseng, vincent, rufus, seifer, Ashley, and opal, of course. and they all look pretty bored.)

Zell: *whines* “Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooored!”

(told you)

Shell: “We could all pet Belle!”

Everyone: “NO!”

Lark: “I know!”

(she gets up and strangely gathers together two scarves, two sections of the newspaper, and a medium sized piece of cardboard, all located conveniently around the room! what a coincidence! anyway, she drops the cardboard in the middle of the floor, and rolls up each piece of newspaper so she has two whacking sticks.)

Lark: “Shell, get your ass over here.”

Shell: “Ooh! I love this game!”

Twilight: “This game looks like it involves violence! Does it?”

Lark: “A little. Watch and learn.”

(lark and shell get blindfold, and then they kneel on the floor, a hand on the cardboard in the center. they hold their rolled up newspaper in the other hand)

Shell: “Are you there, Lark?”

Lark: “Yeah.” *moves away*

Shell: *tries to hit in the direction where lark’s voice was, but just hits the ground* “Dammit!”

Lark: “Are you there, Shell?”

Shell: “Yeah.” *doesn’t move.”

Lark: *smacks shell in the head*

Shell: “Hey!”

Lark: “Well, you have to move!”

Reeve: “Oh! I see! The object is to try and hit the other person going only by the direction of their voice.”

Rufus: *sarcastically* “Wow, Reeve. *Boy* I’m glad you work for me. You’re ever so smart.”

Reeve: *slumps shoulders* “Shut up.”

Lark: *stands up and takes blindfold off* “See? It’s fun!”

Shell: *still blindfolded, swings and misses* “Dammit!”

Lark: “Uh…Shell, we’re not playing anymore.”

Shell: *whips off blindfold and stands* “I knew that.” *smacks lark with the newspaper upside the head*

Lark: “Ow!” *grabs head and glares at shell*

Shell: *innocent smile* “Slipped.”

Lark: “Yeah, my ass it did. Who wants to go next?”

Sephiroth: “Ooh! Me!!”

Zell: “I’ll go against ya, ‘Roth!”

Sephiroth: “Oh, this’ll be easy with your big mouth.”

Zell: “Yo, at least I didn’t knock down a snowman with my voice!”

Sephiroth: *glares* “That’s it. You’re going down.”

(they get ready and into position.)

Shell: “Lark, are you sure this game is a good idea for the overly violent guys?”

Lark: *shrugs* “It’s amusing to watch.”

Zell: “‘Roth? Ya there?”

Sephiroth: “No!” *snicker snicker*

Twilight: “Good one, man!”

(zell swings wildly, but misses)

Zell: “Crap! I’ll get you next time!”

Sephiroth: “Oh no you won’t.” *reaches into his cape* “Are you there, Zell?”

Zell: “You bet I am!”

(sephiroth seems to be sliding something out from under his cape very slowly)

Zell: “Uh…what’s that noise?”

Sephiroth: “Your own stupid mouth, idiot. Stop talking.”

Zell: “It sounds like you’re taking out the masamune.”

Sephiroth: “No, I’m just coughing.” *coughs fakely*

Zell: “Are you gonna try and hit me now?”

Sephiroth: “Yeah, just a second.”

(he takes out the masamune, but he’s being so sneaky with it, that no one’s really sure *what* he’s doing. sephiroth pokes zell with the masamune)

Zell: “Ow! Was that you, Sephiroth?”

Sephiroth: “Got ya!”

Zell: “That hurt!”

Sephiroth: “Yeah, well, I’m a strong guy.”

Zell: “It was pointy!”

Sephiroth: “Newspapers have CORNERS! Now go, it’s your turn.”

Zell: “You there, ‘Roth?”

Sephiroth: “No.” *drops to the floor*

Twilight: *snickers* “That never gets old.”

(zell swings but misses)

Zell: “Crap!”

Seifer: “You suck, chicken wuss!”

Sephiroth: “You there, jerkface?”

Zell: *sigh* “Yes.”

(sephiroth whips out masamune and goes to hit zell with it)

Lark: “Stop!”

(sephiroth pauses mid swing)

Sephiroth: “Yes, my dear?”

Lark: “Don’t even think about it.”

Sephiroth: “Can’t I just kill him once?”

Zell: “What?!”

Lark: “No!”

Sephiroth: *pulls off blindfold and throws it down with a pout* “This game sucks.”

Zell: *takes off blindfold and gets up* “Thanks for saving my life, Lark!”

Lark: “Any time, Zell.”

Sephiroth: “I don’t think I like you favoring your ex-boyfriend over me.”

Lark: “You were going to kill him!”

Sephiroth: “So! If a robbed a bank, wouldn’t you help?”

Lark: “No!”

Sephiroth: “What do you mean, *no*!?”

Lark: “Who wants to go next?”

Ashley: “Let’s try it, Seifer.”

Seifer: “Cool! I get to beat up my girlfriend!”

(they get into position)

Ashley: “Seifer? Are you there?”

Seifer: “Yup!”

(he tries to move, but Ashley smacks him in the head)

Seifer: “Ow! That hurt!”

Ashley: “Heh heh heh.”

Seifer: *sets jaw* “Ashley! Are you there?”

Ashley: “Maybe.”

(she moves and seifer swings wildly, missing)

Seifer: “Where are you?!?!”

Ashley: *laughs quietly*

Seifer: “Argh!”

Ashley: “Seifer, are you there?”

Seifer: “….Yes.”

Ashley: *smacks him hard twice*

Seifer: “Ow!!” *rubs his head* “That hurts! Knock it off!”

Ashley: “Heh heh heh.”

Seifer: *angry* “Are you *there*, Ashley?!”

Ashley: “Yup!”

(seifer goes to hit her but misses *again*. he gets mad and throws off his blindfold)

Seifer: “This game *sucks*!”

Zell: “That’s cause you suck *at it*.”

Seifer: “Can it, chicken-wuss!”

Ashley: “Yay! I win!” *takes off blindfold*

Shell: “Rude, when our turn comes, you won’t hit me, right?”

Rude: “Uh….I guess, Shell.”

Shell: “You better not, Rude!”

Rude: “Are you gonna hit me, Shell?”

Shell: “Am I ever!”

Rude: *frowns*

Lark: “Who wants to go now?”

Tseng: “I’ll give it a try.”

Reeve: “I’ll go against you, Tseng.”

Tseng: *sweat drops* “But I don’t want to hit you, Reeve.”

Reeve: *laughs* “You won’t hurt me! Come on!”

Tseng: *uncertainly* “Okay…”

(they get into position)

Reeve: “Are you there, Tseng?”

Tseng: “Yeah.”

(reeve swings and misses entirely)

Rufus: “Oh yeah, good one, Reeve.”

Reeve: “I don’t see *you* trying this, Rufus.”

Rufus: “…….I don’t wanna mess up my hair.”

Tseng: “Are you there, Reeve?”

Reeve: “Yeah.” *covers head and cowers*

Rufus: “Wimp.”

Reno: *flicks him in the head*

Rufus: “Ow!” *turns to glare at reno*

(tseng obviously knows where reeve is, but he hits the floor in the opposite direction)

Tseng: “Oops. Missed. I’m bad at this game.”

Reeve: “That’s okay. ….Are you there, Tseng?”

Tseng: “Yes.”

(he doesn’t move at all, but reeve misses anyway)

Reeve: “This is hard!”

Rufus: “Only for dorks!”

(lark throws a pillow at him)

Rufus: “Umph! Hey!”

Tseng: “Are you there, Reeve?”

Reeve: “Yeah.”

(tseng goes to hit in the opposite direction again, but reeve moves this time and tseng ends up hitting him in the face pretty hard)

Reeve: “Ouch!”

Tseng: *whipping off his blindfold* “Omg, didIhurtyou?”

Reeve: *takes off his blindfold and rubs his eye* “No, I’m okay.”

Tseng: *takes his face in his hands* “I was trying *not* to hurt you!” *studies his eye*

Reeve: “Tseng, it was just a newspaper.”

Tseng: *looking very closely* “No, you have a little cut *right* there.”

Reeve: “Sweetie, I’ll live.”

Everyone else: “………………………….”

Rufus: *throws the pillow at them* “You’re making everyone sick!”

Lark: “I think it’s cute!”

Twilight: “I think this game would be more fun with baseball bats!”

Sephiroth: “I’m down with that!”

Rufus: “I could hit Tseng with one!”

Tseng: “Huh?”

Twilight: “Let’s go get some!”

(he leaves the room with rufus and seph)

Opal: *following* “That’s not nice, Twilight.”

Shell: “I told you it would get more violent.”

Lark: “You were right. Remind me never to mention this game to anyone from a video game ever again.”

Shell: “We should go after them.”

Lark: “Yup.”

Shell: “Come on, Rude.”

(lark, shell and rude leave the room)

Ashley: “We better go help them.”

Seifer: “Aw, but I don’t wanna move. My head still hurts.”

Ashley: “Fine. I’ll take Zell then.”

Zell: *punches air* “All right!”

Seifer: “No! Not him! I’ll come!”

(Ashley and zell leave, seifer trailing. that leaves reno, vincent, reeve and tseng in the room. vincent is just sitting there, while tseng strokes reeve’s hair and reeve keeps trying to insist he’s fine)

Reno: *sits* “Are you two *still* married?”

Tseng and Reeve: *hide the hands with their rings on them behind their backs* “No….”

Reno: “Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.”

(all of the sudden, belle comes running in, barking her head off)

Belle: *running towards them* “Ruff ruff ruff!”

Guys: “AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”

(they all jump on the couch. reeve clings to tseng and so does reno)

Belle: *growls at reeve*

Reno: “She really hates you!”

Vincent: “Indeed she does.”

Reeve: “I don’t know why! I never did anything to her!”

Belle: “I haaaaaaate you.”

Reeve: “Ah! Did you hear that!?”

Reno: “Hear what?”

Reeve: “It talked!”

Belle: “I haaaaate you.”

Reeve: *screams like a girl*

Reno: “The dog can’t talk, Reeve.”

Tseng: “I think your fear has gone to your head.”

Vincent: “Indeed.”

Reeve: “No! It’s really talking! Honest!”

Belle: *grabs reeve’s pant leg* “I haaaaaate you!”

Reeve: “AHHHHHHHHH!!!” *tries to shake belle off* “Get off me, psycho dog!”

Belle: “Biiiite me.”

Reeve: “No! Get off!”

Reno: *mumbles* “He’s arguing with the dog…”

Tseng: *pats him on the shoulder* “Reeve, honey, relax.”

Belle: “Biiiiiite me!”

Reeve: “No! Leave me alone!”

(belle rips off a chunk of the fabric)

Belle: “Ha ha.” *runs off*

Reeve: “Hey! Come back with that! Those are good pants, you stupid dog!” *follows*

Reno: “….It’s always the one you least suspect.”

Tseng: “Reeve! Come back!” *runs after him*

Vincent: “Hm. Someone should catch that dog.”

Reno: “Well it ain’t gonna be me. That thing scares me.”

Vincent: “Indeed. It is a….disturbing creature.”

………………………………………………………………………….

(meanwhile, sometime later, rufus is in the ramble room, looking for something to eat.)

Rufus: *singing to himself* “Sephiroth Land, Sephiroth Land, buy cheap merchandise, yes you can…”

(shell comes in)

Shell: “Hey, Rufus. Have you seen Belle?”

Rufus: “The huh what now?”

Shell: “My dog. You remember. The cute white fluffy dog that everyone just loved?”

Rufus: *blinks* “Don’t try to fool me with your misleading description.”

Shell: *hands on hips* “You know what I’m talking about.”

Rufus: “I haven’t seen it. Why? Didn’t you tie it up in the back?”

Shell: “Uh….I *did*, but…” *sweat drops*

Rufus: *cautiously* “But *what*?”

Shell: *holds up two parts of the same leash* “She kinda…chewed through the leash.”

Rufus: *pales* “You mean that thing is *loose*?”

Shell: *nods* “Yeah, I better find her. See ya around.” *leaves*

Rufus: *sweat drops* “I hope she finds that dog before I do.”

(he turns around and opens one of the cabinets. there’s a blur of white and rufus screams, jumping aside. then he looks down and sees belle)

Belle: “Move it, loser.”

Rufus: “Ah!! You talked!”

Belle: “Biiiiite me.”

Rufus: *eyes light up* “Hey! A talking dog! I could make millions!”

Belle: “Biiiiiite me.” *growls*

Rufus: *sweat drops* “Never mind…” *slinks back* “I’m afraid of you…” *slinks back more* “You look like you’re diseased.”

Belle: “I have malaria.”

Rufus: “What?”

Belle: “I have malaria.”

Rufus: “What kind of disease is that?!”

Belle: *tries to bite him*

Rufus: “AHHHHHH!!!” *climbs on top of the counter*

Belle: “Later, loser.” *trots out*

Rufus: *major sweat drops* “That thing *is* diseased! I knew it!!!” *pause* “Oh no….” *eyes widen* “It tried to bite me! *I* might have malaria now!!!!!!!!” *pause* “What IS malaria?!?”

…………………………………………………………………………….

(not long after, in a hallway near the ramble room, sephiroth seems to be looking for something when vincent and lark approach)

Lark: “Oh, are you looking for her too?”

Sephiroth: “Huh?”

Vincent: “The dog seems to have escaped.”

Sephiroth: “That crazy thing?!”

Lark: “Yeah, she chewed right through the leash.”

Vincent: “She has traumatized Reeve.”

Sephiroth: “He’s a wimp anyway.”

Lark: “So what are you looking for?”

Sephiroth: “My masamune.”

(he opens a hall closet and pulls it out)

Sephiroth: “How did it get in here?!” *inspects it* “Why are there bite marks all over it!? Who was trying to eat my masamune?!”

Lark and Vincent: *sweat drops*

Sephiroth: *gives them a look* “Don’t even *think* it could *possibly* have been me! I don’t chew on things!”

Vincent: “On the contrary, my angel.”

(he pulls out a baby picture of a sleeping baby sephiroth chewing on the arm of his teddy bear)

Lark: “Aw! How sweet!”

Sephiroth: *grabs it* “Vincent! What are you doing with that?! Don’t flash that stuff around!” *he throws the masamune back in the closet* “Well I have like a million more, but still. That’s one perfectly good sword down the drain.”

Lark: “Well, I’m going to go keep looking for her. Why don’t you guys go wait in the ramble room and let me know if you see her?”

Vincent: “Very well.”

(lark goes off, and vincent and seph go into the ramble room, where rufus is sitting on the couch, reading a medical book with a slew medications lined up next to him. reeve is sitting at the table, head in his hands as tseng tries to comfort him, and reno and zell are sitting on the counter, looking bored)

Zell: “Yo! What’s hanging with my homie G’s?”

Sephiroth: *blinks* “I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that.”

Vincent: *looking at rufus curiously* “Rufus? Are you ill?”

Rufus: “I think I’m getting sick.” *fakes a sneeze* “Did you know malaria comes from mosquitos?” *reads more* “AND THERE’S NO CURE?!?!”

Vincent: “Just where did you contract malaria around here?”

Rufus: “That dog told me it had it!”

Vincent: *blinks*

Reno: “Rufus is hearing voices too!”

Reeve: “See! I’m not the only one!”

Tseng: *pats him on the shoulder* “Shush.”

Reeve: “I swear that thing talks! It kept saying ‘bite me’.”

Rufus: “It told me that too!!!”

Sephiroth: “Uh oh. They’re bonding.”

Reno: “Wait a minute–are you guys suggesting that only you two can hear this dog talk?”

Reeve: “I guess.”

Zell and Reno: *laugh*

Reeve: “It’s true!”

Reno: “Whatever. I’m getting something to eat.” *goes over to the cabinets* “Hungry, Rufus?”

Rufus: “NO! I won’t even *touch* anything in there!” *pops some pills*

Reno: *shrugs* “Whatever.” *pulls out chips*

Reeve: “There is something really wrong about that dog.”

Sephiroth: “I agree. I hope they catch it soon.”

(as if on cue, belle runs in, barking)

Rufus: “AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! MALARIA DOG!!!” *grabs his pills and books and runs out*

Belle: “Jerkface.”

Reeve: “Ah! Did you hear that?! She just said jerkface!”

Tseng: “I didn’t hear anything.”

Reno: “Me neither.”

Zell: “Me neither.” *takes a handful of chips*

Vincent: “Nor did I.”

Sephiroth: *sweat drops*

(belle comes over to bark at reeve)

Reeve: “Stop it! Leave me alone! Isn’t it bad enough you stole part of my pants?!”

Belle: “I haaaaate you.”

Reeve: “But why!? What did I ever do to you?!”

Tseng: “Uh….don’t argue with the dog, sweetie.”

Reeve: “But it’s telling me it hates me!”

Belle: “I haaaaaate you.”

Reeve: “But why?!”

Reno: “This is kinda funny in a sick, twisted way.”

Zell: “Yeah, I guess.” *takes more chips*

Reno: “Stop takin’ so many!” *pulls bag away*

Belle: “You kicked me!”

Reeve: “I did not kick you! That’s a lie!” *turns to tseng* “Did I kick her?”

Tseng: *rolls eyes* “No.”

Reeve: *to belle* “See? Tseng says no.”

Tseng: “Reeve, don’t drag me into your imaginary fight with the dog.”

(sephiroth heaves a sigh and lays down on the couch)

Belle: “You kicked me.”

Reeve: “I did not!”

Tseng: “Reeve…”

Belle: “Get me a treat.”

Reeve: “No! You’re mean! Why should I?!”

Tseng: “Reeve, this is getting embarrassing…”

Belle: “Because you kicked me!”

Sephiroth: *in exasperation* “If he says he didn’t kick you, he DIDN’T kick you! Give it up. Reeve’s not a liar.”

Reeve: “Thank you, Sephiroth!”

Belle: *to seph* “You stay outta this! Biiiiiite me!”

Sephiroth: “Bite *me*!”

Vincent: “Oh dear.”

Reno: “We always knew Sephiroth was crazy.”

Zell: “Damn straight!” *they five*

Sephiroth: “Would you two idiots shut up?!”

Belle: “You’re an idiot.” *to reeve* “And you kicked me!”

Reeve: “I DID NOT!” *gets up* “That’s it! You just wait!” *runs out*

Tseng: “Reeve!! I think you’re taking this too far!!” *runs after him*

Belle: “I haaaaaate him.” *turns to seph* “Knock knock.”

Sephiroth: *closes eyes* “Kiss my ass.”

Belle: “KNOCK KNOCK!”

Sephiroth: *sigh* “Fine. Who’s there?”

Belle: “Sephiroth.”

Sephiroth: “That’s me, you stupid dog.”

Belle: “SEPHIROTH WHO?!”

Sephiroth: *sigh* “Fine. Sephiroth who?”

Belle: “You, you idiot! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!”

Sephiroth: “I already said that! That joke sucks!”

Reno, Zell and Vincent: *freeze and stare at seph strangely*

Sephiroth: *explaining to them* “That joke just wasn’t funny. It wasn’t even thoughtful.”

Vincent: “Uh….angel…whose joke?”

Sephiroth: “The dog’s.” *pause* “You didn’t hear it?”

Reno and Zell: “No……..”

Sephiroth: “This is strange… I wonder why some of us can hear her talk and others can’t.”

Belle: “Knock knock!”

Sephiroth: “No more jokes.”

Belle: “KNOCK KNOCK!”

Sephiroth: *snaps* “Fine! Who’s there?”

Belle: “Vincent!”

Sephiroth: “Vincent who?”

Belle: “Vincent him, you idiot! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!”

Vincent: *sweat drops* “I fear that one was about me.”

Sephiroth: “That was worse than the last one!” *gets up* “I’m getting Lark.”

Belle: “Noooooooo!” *runs away* “Ahhhhhhhhhhh!”

Sephiroth: “Come back here!” *follows*

Vincent, Reno, and Zell: “………………………”

Zell: “I want the dog to tell a joke about me.”

Reno: *gives him a weird look*

Zell: “What?”

………………………………………………………………………

(later….reeve is in the hallway with…cait sith?? tseng stands nearby, looking totally embarrassed)

Reeve: *looking like a mad scientist* “Ah ha! I’ll get that dog now! Cait Sith’ll fix her good!”

Tseng: *puts a hand to his head*

Reeve: *turns cait sith on* “You’re gonna scare the crap outta that dog, Cait Sith because you’re so intimidating and strong and fierce and I could go on and on about how great you are!”

Cait Sith: “You’re a loser, Reeve.”

Reeve: *hangs head*

Tseng: “Reeve! Don’t do that to yourself!”

Reeve: “Do what to who what?”

Tseng: *blinks* “Uh–“

(but before he can try and say anything belle comes running up)

Belle: “Dog kicker!”

Reeve: “I didn’t kick you! Now Cait Sith is going to teach you a lesson!!”

(reeve frantically moves the controls, but nothing happens)

Reeve: “What the…??”

Cait Sith: “You’re a loser, Reeve. No one likes you.”

Tseng: “Reeve! Make him stop saying that!”

Reeve: “I don’t get it…the controls won’t work?!”

Tseng: “Are you telling me that thing has a life of it’s own?”

Reeve: *backing up* “That’s what I’m saying…”

Belle: “Yeah! He’s a loser!”

Reeve: “Come on, Cait Sith! Protect me!”

Cait Sith: *raises m-phone and looks at reeve* “CHARGE!”

Reeve: *cowers* “Oh no! Not the m-phone!”

(cait sith goes to hit reeve, but tseng casts a stop spell and freezes it. he tries to freeze belle too, but she scurries off before he can cast another one)

Tseng: “Dammit. Well at least I got one.”

Reeve: “Tseng! You saved me!” *comes up from behind and throws his arms around tseng’s neck*

Tseng: “Today’s just turning out to be weird.”

Reeve: “Cait Sith was going to kill me! He was going to *kill* me, Tseng!”

Tseng: “Not with that m-phone he wasn’t.”

Reeve: “But that dog’s still on the loose. The dog might kill me.”

Tseng: “The dog won’t kill you, Reeve.” *sigh* “I think you need to lie down for awhile.”

Reeve: “What if the dog gets me in my sleep?!”

(reeve keeps babbling, and tseng takes a breath and casts a sleep spell on him. reeve slumps over, asleep, and tseng picks him up and puts him over his shoulder)

Tseng: “Sorry, Reeve, but it’s for your own good.”

(meanwhile, in the ramble room….rufus is there, alone, on the couch, a blanket around his shoulders, shivering with a bottle of pills in hand)

Rufus: *shaking* “So cold…” *teeth chatter*

(shell and rude enter, and they spot rufus)

Rude: “Sir…?”

Shell: “Are you sick, Rufus?”

Rufus: “I have…malaria.”

Rude: “???”

Shell: “Malaria? How on earth did you get that?”

Rufus: “Your dog! That’s how!”

Shell: “My dog doesn’t have malaria! You can only get that from mosquitos!”

Rufus: “But she told me that…” *pause* “Are you sure?”

Shell: “Of *course* I’m sure.”

Rufus: “Oh.” *drops blanket and stands* “I feel much better now.”

Rude and Shell: *give him weird looks*

Rufus: “I think I’m going to go lay down anyway… Those pills made me drowsy.” *sways*

(rufus stumbles out of the room, while shell and rude watch silently. once he’s gone…)

Rude: “He’s not right in the head.”

Shell: “No worse than anyone else around here.”

……………………………………………………………………….

(meanwhile, lark and vincent are checking the hallways)

Lark: “Argh! Where *is* this damn dog?! You see now why I hate it?”

Vincent: “I think everyone does.”

Lark: *pauses to listen a minute* “You hear that?”

Vincent: “Sounds like whimpering.”

Lark: “It’s coming from that closet.”

(they go over and open the closet and are surprised to find sephiroth huddled in there, knees drawn to his chest)

Lark: “Sephiroth?!”

Vincent: “Angel! What in the planet’s name are you doing??”

Sephiroth: “Hiding… From that dog… She wouldn’t stop telling me jokes… They were so bad… I couldn’t stand it anymore.”

Lark and Vincent: *exchange a weirded out look*

Sephiroth: “Don’t look at me like I’m crazy!” *pause* “Crazier than I already *am*, anyway!”

(lark offers him her hand and helps him out of the closet)

Lark: “Sweetie, I think you should go lay down for awhile.”

Sephiroth: “What if the dog wants me?”

Lark: “She won’t. Now go on.”

(she gives him a gentle push and he goes off. once he’s gone, lark and vincent both go to shut the door of the closet at the same time and brush fingers)

Lark: “Oops.” *blush*

Vincent: “I apologize.”

(an awkward silence passes before lark actually closes the closet without a word. then shell and rude come running up)

Shell: “Hey! Any sign of Belle?”

Lark: “Nope. Maybe someone ate her.”

Shell: “Ew! As if!”

Vincent: “She seems to have driven several members of the ramble room crazy.”

Shell: “No kidding. We just found Rufus popping pills. He thought he had malaria!”

Lark: “We just found Sephiroth hiding in the closet.”

Vincent: “I am scared to think about what happened to Reeve.”

Rude: “Hm.”

Shell: “Where do you think she could have run off to?”

Lark: *thinks a moment and then her eyes get wide* “Oh no…”

Shell: “You don’t think…”

Vincent: “Oh dear…”

Rude: “………..”

All: “Hojo’s lab!” *they run off*

…………………………………………………………………………………….

(meanwhile, in loser land, all the losers are on the couch, watching a cooking show on tv. heidegger is eating chips)

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! That looks good!” *shoves down chips*

Scarlet: *brushes off her clothes* “Ew! You slob! You’re getting crumbs all over me!”

Nida: “Shut up, whore! I’m trying to hear this!”

Scarlet: “Yeah, like you can cook.”

Hojo: “You closed down our theme park with your cooking, Scarlet.”

Scarlet: “It wasn’t the food that was the problem…it was the stuff that…ended up in it.”

Nida: “Yeah. *Whore*.”

Scarlet: *smacks him upside the head*

Kuja: *yawns* “This bores me.”

(he gets up, and walks behind the couch to go somewhere–doesn’t matter where, because he stops dead and stares at something)

Kuja: “….Did someone get a dog?”

Heidegger: “Dinner! Gya haa haa!!”

Hojo: “A dog?!”

(all the losers turn around and stare at the dog, which is just sitting there, wagging it’s tail)

Nida: “How the hell did it get in here?”

Scarlet: “Why would it even want to?”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa!” *sings* “I feel like chicken tonight! Like chicken tonight!”

Hojo: *edges away from him*

(before anyone can say anything else, the door is flung open and lark, vincent, shell and rude stumble in)

Shell: “Good thing they don’t lock their door.”

Lark: “It’s cause no one wants them to come in.”

Shell: “There she is!!” *points to belle* “Sic her, Rude!”

Rude: “Yes, Shell.”

(rude calmly walks forward and picks up a happy belle)

Shell: “See? She’s harmless!”

Belle: *growls at vincent*

Vincent: *steps away* “Yes. Quite.”

Lark: “Well, let’s go. Shell, you bring Belle home, and I’ll try and get everyone she traumatized back to normal.”

Shell: “Sounds like a plan.”

Vincent: “What a day it has been.”

Rude: “Yup.”

(they all leave, closing the door behind them. the losers stand there in shock)

Hojo: “….I feel like we missed something.”

Nida: “Couldn’t have been better than this cooking show.”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa!” *sings* “I feel like chicken tonight! Like chicken tonight!”

THE ENDΒ 

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