#79 – I HATE St. Patrick’s Day!

Rufus: *light bulb* “Maybe I should invent one! ‘Smells like sex cologne: for the guy who can’t get any’.”

Originally Published: 3/16/01 . 27 pages

Lark thinks St. Patrick’s Day is Sephiroth’s favorite holiday, but after a fateful meeting with her, will Sephiroth really love it, or will he hate it more than ever?

Ramble Milestones
-Lark and Sephiroth get together

Yes, Lark and Sephiroth! Please get together already so your relationship can run it’s course. Seriously though, I was planning this for a long time. Too bad the rest of the ramble clearly shows no planning at all. Aside from a few lines from Reno, the losers and Rufus and his cologne, this one isn’t very funny. You can also tell I was into the musical The Full Monty at the time (which is fabulous if you like musicals), but it’s like a total waste of time shoving it in here for basically no reason. I used to do this kind of thing a lot in the old days and I drives me nuts now. Interesting tidbit about Lark and Sephiroth though – I never intended for them to get together when I started writing these things. One of the many relationships that just evolved on it’s own. There are many more of those to come.

(ah, st. Patricks day. sephiroth’s absolute favorite holiday! anyway, on this particular morning, we have reno and irvine pulling out the booze, even if it is 10 in the morning…)

Reno: “I *love* St. Patrick’s day.” *pours himself a beer*

Irvine: “I love it too.” *raises glass* “Cheers.”

Reno: “To booze! Which gets rid of all of life’s problems!”

Irvine: “Here here!”

(they both drink as Noelle enters)

Reno: “Hey, look who it is.”

Noelle: “…………”

Irvine: “Come on, Noelle. It’s St. Patrick’s Day. It’s like a sin not to drink or something.”

Noelle: “No, thanks.”

Reno: “Come on, Noelle! One little drink! Do it for old time’s sake?”

Noelle: “No! I hate you! And I hate beer! And know what? I HATE St. Patrick’s day!” *stomps out*

Irvine: “Well she doesn’t deserve to be in our St. Patrick’s Day parade.”

Reno: “We’re having a parade?”

Irvine: “You and I are, man!”

Reno: “Cool!” *high five*

(rufus enters with an unhappy looking reeve and tseng)

Rufus: “So since you guys missed two weeks of work, I’ll be fair and give you two whole days to make it up.”

Tseng: “What!? Are you crazy?!”

Rufus: “Two days is plenty of time. Better get started now. Reeve, I need a new mansion built by this afternoon.”

Reeve: *sigh* “I’ll draw up some plans.”

Rufus: “No, I said I need it *built*.”

(before reeve can protest on how impossible that is, reno pours another glass of beer and hands it to rufus)

Reno: “Happy St. Patrick’s Day, Rufus!”

Rufus: *blinks* “Huh?” *looks at reno* “Reno, did you make up a holiday to take off from work?”

Irvine: “He didn’t make it up. It’s St. Patrick’s Day. You know, the day when we celebrate…uh…drinking.”

Reno: “Damn straight!” *high five*

Reeve: “Yeah, Rufus. You have to give us today off. National holiday.”

Rufus: “Is that true?” *raises eyebrow*

Tseng: “Reeve would never lie to you. I might, but Reeve–no.”

Rufus: *sighs in defeat* “Fine. But only because I know Reno will be more drunk than usual and *really* unable to work.”

Irvine: *to reeve and tseng* “So, you guys finally got your marriage annulled, right?”

Reeve and Tseng: *sweat drops* “Uh….yeah. Right. All taken care of.” *nervous smiles*

(then seifer comes running in frantically, slamming the door shut behind him and leaning against it as he pants)

Seifer: “Watch out!”

Irvine: *gets his gun* “What?! What is it?!”

Seifer: “Ashley!”

Everyone: *blinks*

Rufus: “What?”

Seifer: “Ashley’s gone crazy!”

Reeve: “What do you mean?”

Seifer: “She’s talking funny! She talks like one of them leprechauns!”

Everyone: *blinks*

Reno: “You jackass. She’s talking with an Irish accent.”

Reeve: “It’s called a brogue.”

Everyone: *looks at him*

Reeve: *hangs head* “I know too much stuff.”

Ashley: “Oh, Seifer!”

Seifer: *sweat drops* “I’m not safe here. I have to hide.” *he leaves and runs the hell away*

Irvine: “He is one messed up guy.”

(rude then enters, dragging his feet and looking downcast. shell is behind him, putting on her coat)

Shell: “Hurry up, Rude! You have to get me my St. Patrick’s Day gift!”

Rude: “Yes, Shell.”

Reno: “Hey, man! Ain’t ya gonna have a drink with your buddies?”

Rude: “….I have to go shopping.”

Reno: “Not even *one* drink?”

Shell: “Didn’t you hear him? He has to go SHOPPING. That’s better than drinking. He can be a reject with you people later.” *pulls on his sleeve* “Come on, Rude.”

Rude: *sigh* “Yes, Shell.”

(shell drags him out)

Tseng: “Cue sound of whip here.”

Everyone: *looks at him*

Tseng: “What?” *pause* “It was a joke.” *pause* “You know, cause he’s whipped.”

Guys: *blink*

Tseng: “Okay, forget it.”

(then sephiroth runs in, looking frantic, and he slams the door shut and leans against it, panting)

Reno: “What? Did you have a run in with Ashley too?”

Sephiroth: “What?”

Reno: “Never mind. What’s your problem?”

Sephiroth: “Today is *ST. PATRICK’S DAY*.”

Irvine: “Best day of the year. Yeah, so?”

Sephiroth: “Lark thinks I *love* St. Patrick’s day! But I only told her that to cover up the fact that I love *her*!? What am I gonna do?! I gotta avoid her.”

Reno: “Dr. Reno prescribes booze. And lots of it. Right, Irvine?”

Irvine: “Right!”

(they touch their glasses and drink)

Rufus: *shakes head*

Sephiroth: “I can’t stay here. She might find me.” *opens the door and goes to leave but turns back* “Oh yeah, and if Vincent asks about me, I’m dead.”

Tseng: “We are *not* telling him that!”

(but sephiroth just leaves. and two seconds later, lark enters. her hair looks shorter. and she’s wearing a green shirt.)

Lark: “Happy St. Patrick’s Day you guys!”

Tseng: “Did you cut your hair, Lark?”

Lark: “Yup! You like it?”

Reeve: “It looks nice.”

Lark: “Thanks!”

Reno: “Happy St. Patrick’s Day, Lark.”

Irvine: “Want some beer?”

Lark: “Uh…I’ll pass.” *looks around* “Has anyone seen Sephiroth?”

Guys: *shake heads no*

Lark: “This is *so* weird! After all, it’s his favorite holiday, right? So, I went to wake him up this morning and he wasn’t there, and now I’ve looked everywhere and I can’t find him! How weird is that?”

Rufus: “Pretty weird. He’s a big weirdo. You shouldn’t like him anyway.” *tseng hits him* “Ow! I should threaten to fire you for that!”

Lark: “Well I’m determined to find him! See you boys later!” *leaves*

Reeve: “Why doesn’t he just get it over with and *tell* her already?”

Reno: “He’s never going to tell her. I’ll be totally shocked if he does.”

(then vincent enters, looking around)

Vincent: “Hello, all.”

Reno: “Hey, Vincent. Happy St. Patrick’s Day.”

Vincent: “Thank you, Reno. By chance have you seen Sephiroth or Lark?”

Tseng: “We’ve seen them both. Sephiroth’s trying to hide from Lark, and Lark’s trying to find him.”

Rufus: “Pretty screwed up.”

Vincent: “I see.” *sigh* “I suppose I will just relax here for awhile.”

Irvine: “Want some booze?”

Vincent: “Thanks for the offer, but no.”

Rufus: “No one wants booze at ten in the morning!”

Reno: “Why not? The parade starts at 11.”

Rufus: “What parade?”

Reno: “Me n’ Irvine’s.”

Rufus: *puts a hand to his head* “I hate St. Patrick’s Day.”


(some time later, close to 11 o’clock…lark is now outside, looking around the tree where sephiroth likes to hang out when he wants to be by himself. sephiroth is there, hiding behind the tree, but lark is pretty oblivious, and doesn’t see him.)

Lark: *stops and turns with her back to the tree, hands on her hips* “Where is he?!”

(sephiroth sneaks back in the direction of the ramble room)

Lark: “I’ve been looking for him *all* morning!” *sigh* “Well I’m not giving up ’till I find him!”

(she goes to head back to the ramble room and almost slams into Noelle)

Lark: “Whoa. Hi, Noelle. Happy St. Patrick’s Day.”

Noelle: *glares* “I *hate* St. Patrick’s Day!” *stomps off*

Lark: *blinks*

(she takes like two more steps before she nearly runs into Ashley)

Lark: “Oh, hi, Ashley. Happy St. Patrick’s Day!”

Ashley: *out of breath* “Thanks, Lark. Sorry, can’t talk. I’m chasing Seifer. He’s acting so weird all of the sudden!” *runs off*

Lark: *blinks* “All of the sudden?” *shrugs*

(she takes about two more steps before she catches sight of rude and shell)

Lark: “Hi, you two! Happy St. Patrick’s Day!”

Shell: “It sure is!” *shows off emerald bracelet*

Lark: *eyes widen* “Whoa. Rude bought you that?!”

Shell: “It’s going to take him five years to pay it off, but it’s worth it, right, Rude?”

Rude: “Yes, Shell.”

Lark: “I’m looking for Seph. Have you seen him?”

Shell: “He wasn’t at the mall.”

Lark: “I’m going to keep looking for him. Thanks!” *goes off*

Shell: “Okay, Rude. Since you bought me this bracelet that’s worth more than you are, you can have the rest of the day to yourself.” *smiles* “Aren’t I nice?”

Rude: “Very nice, Shell.”

Shell: “See you later!” *kisses him on the cheek and leaves*

(rude goes into the ramble room, where reno, irvine, rufus, vincent, reeve, and tseng are)

Reno: “Hey, Rude buddy! There ya are! Just in time for the parade!”

Irvine: *holds up beer* “It’s gonna rock.”

Rude: “Poor turnout.”

Reno: “We’re too cool for most people.”

Irvine: “Oh yeah.”

Rufus: *rolls eyes* “Yeah, that’s it.”

Reeve: “How long is this parade going to last?”

Irvine: “Oh, I would say a good hour and a half. Maybe two hours.”

Tseng: “But it’s just the two of you.”

Reno: “But we’re very entertaining.” *gives rude a beer* “All right! Let’s go! Parade time! You comin’, ‘Roth?”

Sephiroth: *lies on the couch* “I’ll pass. Lark already looked here. I doubt she’ll come back.”

Reeve: “What is she, lightning?”

Everyone: *looks at him*

Reeve: *hangs head* “I know too much stuff.”

Tseng: *pats him on the shoulder* “Don’t worry. Around here, that’s a good thing.”

(everyone leaves but sephiroth and vincent)

Vincent: “Want me to stay with you, my angel?”

Sephiroth: *closes eyes* “No.”

Vincent: *sighs* “Very well.”

(and so vincent leaves too, leaving sephiroth alone. he’s lying on the couch, eyes closed. then lark creeps in, spots him on the couch, and carefully closes and locks the door behind her. then she tip toes over to the couch, grinning evilly)

Lark: “Boo!”

Sephiroth: *jumps up in ready to fight position* “AHHH!!!”

Lark: “Got ya!” *laughs* “Sephy-sama, where have you been?! I’ve looked EVERYWHERE! Today is your favorite holiday! I wanted to spend it with you.”

Sephiroth: *unenthusiastically* “Yay.”

Lark: *frowns* “Don’t get too excited.” *pause* “What, you don’t like me??”

Sephiroth: *looks away* “No. That’s not it at all.”

Lark: *blinks* “Well I don’t get it.”

Sephiroth: *rushes* “……Lark there is something I probably should confess.”

Lark: *carefully* “What is it?”

Sephiroth: “….I….Lark, I… I…I love–“

Lark: “St. Patrick’s Day?!” *sighs* “I know! That’s why I’m *here*!”

(sephiroth looks up at her, eyes flashing. he clenches his teeth, grabs lark by the wrists and slams her up against the wall)

Lark: “Wha–“

Sephiroth: *right up in her face, through clenched teeth* “I don’t LOVE St. Patrick’s Day! I don’t even like it! It’s you I love! Every time I went to admit it I said the name of this stupid holiday to cover for me because I’m a coward! I don’t love St. Patrick’s day at all! I love *you*, Lark! And I’ve been in love with you for so long! So that’s it! I love *you*! YOU!”

(lark just blinks in shock and says nothing. she looks at where seph has pinned her to the wall)

Sephiroth: *releases her and backs away* “I–I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”

(he turns to leave, but lark wordlessly puts a hand lightly on his shoulder. he turns, and meets her eyes. she wraps a hand around his neck and gently kisses him, once. cautiously, his arms go around her waist, and he leans down to kiss her once. then they just kind of stare at one another, before they lean forward and kiss one another–just a few short kisses at first, just as if they’re testing one another. but soon the kisses deepen and become much more passionate, and there we shall fade out…)


(about 2 hours later. reno, irvine, rufus, vincent, rude, tseng and reeve return from their parade and head for the ramble room.)

Rufus: “That was SO boring!”

Reno: “No way, man! We were cool, right, man?”

Irvine: “Yeah! Totally, man!”

Tseng: “Remind me to hide like Sephiroth next St. Patrick’s Day.”

Reeve: “I think I’ll join you.”

(vincent goes to open the door to the ramble room, but it won’t budge. he frowns and tries again.)

Vincent: “Locked.”

Reno: “Locked?”

(rude tries the code on the automatic locker, but nothing happens)

Rude: “Hm. It’s locked manually.”

Rufus: “Locked manually?! From the inside?!”

Rude: “Yup.”

Vincent: “Did my angel lock himself inside??”

(then lark comes out, looks around sheepishly, pushes some hair behind her ear and walks off without a word. the guys all look at one another in confusion, but their eyes all become wide as sephiroth comes out, looking completely downcast. he glances at them all and walks off. the guys then dash into the room and sniff the air)

Reno: *gasp*

Irvine: “It smells like sex!”

Rufus: “Maybe it was just his cologne.”

Reno: “There is no cologne that smells like sex.”

Rufus: *light bulb* “Maybe I should invent one! ‘Smells like sex cologne: for the guy who can’t get any’.”

Irvine: “Rufus, do you understand what happened?!”

Rufus: *blinks*

Irvine: “Sephiroth had sex with Lark!”

Vincent: “Hmmm…”

Tseng: “Oh my god…”

Reeve: “….But he looked so depressed.”

Vincent: “Perhaps we should speak with him.”

Reno: “Where did he go?”

(they all leave, rufus trailing behind)

Rufus: “I think it would be a big seller.”

(they walk through the hallways and find seph leaning against the wall, looking down)

Vincent: “Angel?”

(they all hurry over)

Reno: “Sephiroth, what happened?”

Irvine: “….Did you two…??”

Sephiroth: “Yeah.”

Guys: *shocked*

Reeve: “Really?”

Sephiroth: “Yeah.”

Guys: “……….”

Rufus: “Well? What’s wrong?”

Reno: “Really! I thought you’d be bouncing off the walls!”

Sephiroth: *covers his eyes with his hand*

Vincent: “Angel?” *puts a hand on his arm* “Angel?” *shakes him gently* “Angel, are you crying?”

(the guys all look blank as sephiroth wipes away his tears, crying still. he looks at vincent)

Sephiroth: “I told her I loved her, Vincent. ….And she said nothing.”

Vincent: “Oh, angel.”

Sephiroth: *hugging vincent* “I don’t know what I did!”

(the guys watch basically in shock)

Reeve: *looks at tseng* “Why are you crying?”

Tseng: *sniffs back tears* “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

(reeve kisses the side of tseng’s had and puts an arm around him)

Rufus: *quietly* “I can’t believe he’s crying.”

Irvine: *snorts* “I can’t believe he’s crying. Crying over a girl.”

Reno: *seriously* “Shut up, Irvine.”

Irvine: “What? ….Reno, he’s crying over a girl.”

Reno: *snaps* “Shut the f*&$% up, Irvine. You don’t understand.”

Irvine: *hisses* “What?!”

Reno: *firmly* “Irvine, you were brought up wrong. You’ll never be able to love any woman *ever*. You don’t understand what it’s like to love someone and not be loved back–you don’t get it.” *looks at seph* “It’s more painful than anything you can ever imagine.” *looks back at irvine* “So don’t. Don’t say that.” *puts a hand on irvine’s shoulder* “I–I feel sorry for you, man.”

Irvine: *shocked* “……………………………”

Reeve: “She said nothing? Nothing at *all*?”

Sephiroth: *wipes away more tears* “Nothing. Not a word.” *shakes head* “I can’t face her. Not ever again.”

Vincent: *clears throat* “Would you all mind leaving us alone?”

Rufus: “Y-yeah. No problem.” *is still shocked to see sephiroth cry* “I-I’m sorry, Sephiroth.” *walks off*

Rude: “I’m sorry too.” *leaves*

(tseng hugs sephiroth, kisses him on the cheek, then reeve pats seph on the shoulder and they walk off, reeve still trying to comfort a crying tseng)

Irvine: “Sephiroth? I–I don’t know what to say.”

Sephiroth: *shakes his head* “You don’t have to say anything, Irvine. I wish I was like you.”

Irvine: *shakes his head slowly* “No… No, you don’t.” *puts a hand to his heart* “I feel…empty.”

Reno: *patting irvine on the back* “Sephiroth. I’m sorry. Really. I–I know how you feel.”

Sephiroth: *wiping away the last of his tears* “Thank you, Reno.”

(reno and irvine leave)

Sephiroth: *shakes his head with a disgusted smile* “I’m such a fool. I should have never went away from you, Vincent. Ever.”

Vincent: “You must go where the heart takes you, Angel.”

Sephiroth: “It led me right to a dead end.” *sighs and leans back against the wall looking up* “I really thought she loved me back. Part of me really did. And it *felt* like she did. But…she doesn’t. She really doesn’t.”

Vincent: “….If it’s any consolation… I love you, angel.”

Sephiroth: *looks at him* “Thanks, Vincent. It is.”


(meanwhile, lark is in her room, lying on her bed, using her arms as a pillow)

Lark: *thinks* What happened back there? He said it… Sephiroth… Sephiroth loves me. So why… Why couldn’t I say anything to him? If I feel the same way, why couldn’t I tell him?

(then there’s a knock and she sits up)

Lark: “Come in!”

(zell runs in)

Zell: “Hey, Lark! Sup?”

Lark: “Oh, nothing. Where have you been, Zell? I haven’t seen you at all today.”

Zell: “Yo, I totally overslept! How much does that suck?”

Lark: *sighs and looks down* “Yeah, that sucks.”

Zell: *frowns* “Hey, what’s wrong, Lark? You look kinda down! Today’s St. Patrick’s Day! Sephiroth’s favorite holiday!”

Lark: *bursts out crying*

Zell: *blinks* “Lark? Lark?” *goes to her side*


(meanwhile, in loser land…scarlet and nida are sitting on the couch, flipping channels. kuja is filing his nails, heidegger is in the kitchen, and hojo is at his desk)

Scarlet: “There’s nothing on.”

Nida: “I’m bored.”

Scarlet: “What do you want me to do about it??”

Kuja: “Isn’t today some sort of special day or something?”

Hojo: “Today is National Kelp day!”

Everyone: *blinks*

Kuja: “N-No. That wasn’t it.”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! It’s St. Patrick’s Day! Eat, eat, eat!”

Scarlet: “You do that every day!”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa!” *eats some napkins*

Everyone: *sweat drops*

Scarlet: “Isn’t this the day everyone gets really drunk?”

Kuja: “Don’t they do that in the ramble room like every other day?”

Scarlet: *thoughtfully* “Hmmm….”

Nida: “I wouldn’t bother, skank. I don’t think anyone in the ramble room will ever get drunk enough to pay you for sex.”

Scarlet: “Not even Reno?”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! You wish!!” *tries to eat the napkin holder*

Kuja: *runs into the kitchen* “No, you idiot! We need that!”

(then there’s a knock at the door, and everyone freezes and looks confused.)

Hojo: *sighs in annoyance* “Someday you idiots will get it.”

(he gets up and opens the door and there’s a frantic looking seifer)

Seifer: “LET ME IN!”

(he runs in and hojo shuts the door. as seifer’s trying to catch his breath, everyone stares at him in confusion)

Nida: “…..Seifer?”

Seifer: *looks around* “Uh….hi.”

Nida: “What the hell are you doing here?!”

Seifer: “I’m hiding from Ashley. She’s gone crazy! And I know she won’t look for me here, so I came to hang out with you guys.”

Nida: “Thanks…I think?”

Scarlet: “Are you drunk?”

Seifer: “….No.”

Scarlet: *garden snap*

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! Giant game of tiddly winks!” *he tries to eat the napkin holder again but kuja stops him*

Seifer: “So….uh…what are you guys up to?”

Hojo: “I could use someone to test my new potion on.”

Seifer: “I’ll pass.”

Scarlet: “If you’ve got ten minutes and ten bucks, I can think of something.” *winks*

Seifer: *shudders*

Kuja: “Can you braid hair?”

Seifer: “No.”

Kuja: “Then you’re no use to me.” *flips hair over shoulder*

Nida: “We could watch tv!”

Seifer: “I can’t be seen with you!”

Nida: “Seen by who?!”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! tiddly winks!”

Seifer: “How do you even play that?”

Everyone: *jaw drops*

Hojo: “You have much to learn, young one.”


(meanwhile, back at the ramble room…Katie is in the tv room when Lizzie comes in holding some cd)

Katie: “Hi, Lizzie! Happy St. Patrick’s day!”

Lizzie: “Damn straight. Look what I got.” *holds up the cd for the musical ‘the full monty’*

Katie: “Ooh! Is that Lark’s cd?”

Lizzie: “Yup.” *goes over to the cd player*

Katie: “That was a damn good show.”

Lizzie: “Damn straight it was.”

Katie: “You know… I think if we ever do another musical here, we should do that one.”

Lizzie: “Well reserve me a front row seat.”

(Ashley enters, looking a bit downcast)

Ashley: *sigh* “Hi, guys. What’s up?”

Katie: “Not much. What’s wrong, Ashley?”

Ashley: “I can’t find Seifer anywhere! I think I scared him off.”

Lizzie: “What? If anything, he should have scared *you* off.”

Ashley: “I know, right? It makes no sense.” *plops down on the couch* “Whatever.” *listens to the music* “Uh….what the hell is this?”

 Lizzie and Katie: *grin*


(meanwhile, vincent returns to the ramble room, where the guys have returned to…they all kinda get silent when vincent enters)

Reno: “……..Well?”

Vincent: *clears throat* “He wanted to be alone for awhile.”

Irvine: *sulking over a beer* “Hm.”

Vincent: “Hm.”

Rufus: “What is it?”

Vincent: “I’m a little surprised.”

Guys: “Huh?”

Vincent: “….None of you went to talk to Lark?”

Guys: “………………”

Irvine: *defeated sigh* “Yeah, like I would know what to say.”

Reno: “I don’t think any of us do.”

(the guys sit in silence a minute, but then zell comes in, scratching his head)

Zell: “Hey.”

Irvine: “Where you been all day?”

Zell: “Yo, this is pretty weird, but I totally overslept, and then I went to see Lark, and when I was talkin’ about St. Patrick’s day, she started crying, and she wouldn’t tell me why!”

Guys: *sigh and put hands to their heads*

Zell: “Uh…has something happened?” *sniffs the air* “Smells kinda funny in here…”

Rufus: “Like a best-selling cologne might smell?”

Everyone but Rufus and Zell: “RUFUS!”

Rufus: *pouts* “You’re just jealous cause you haven’t thought of it.”


(back in loser land, they’re all gathered around, playing tiddly winks)

Seifer: “You’re cheating, Nida!”

Scarlet: “He’s too dumb to cheat. Hojo’s cheating.”

Nida: “I am not too dumb to do anything!”

Hojo: “And I am not cheating!”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! Snack break!”

(he goes to eat some tiddly winks, but everyone leaps on top of him to stop him, successfully wrecking the whole board)

Scarlet: “You jackass! You ruined our game!” *hits heidegger*

Nida: “Now it’s ruined!”

Kuja: *yawns* “Perhaps it’s all for the best.”

Scarlet: “You’re just saying that ’cause I was winning!”

Nida: “You were not! I was!”

Kuja: “Neither of you were winning. I was.”

Scarlet and Nida: “Were not!” *they pounce on kuja*

Hojo: “You fools! Get off my beauty!!” *dives into the fray*

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! Free snacks!” *shoves tiddly winks in his mouth*

Seifer: *backing towards the door with lots of sweat drops* “You people are….unbelievably insane. I think I’m better off with Ashley.”

(he runs out, and the rest are too busy fighting (or eating) to notice.)


(meanwhile, lark is going through her drawers in her room. she takes out a piece of paper, reads it over, puts it in her pocket, looks at herself in the mirror, runs a hand through her hair, sighs and leaves the room.)


(back in the tv room, Katie, Lizzie and Ashley are all singing ‘it’s a woman’s world’ along with the full monty cd, when seifer appears in the doorway, looking pretty scared)

Seifer: “Uh….”

Ashley: *stops singing* “Seifer! Where have you been?!”

Seifer: “….You’re talking normal?”

Ashley: “Yeah, I gave it up when you ran off like a freak.”

Seifer: “Oh.”

Ashley: “Where did you go?”

Seifer: “Let’s just say somewhere that I never want to go again.”

Ashley: “The losers?”

Seifer: “Yeah.” *pause* “Sorry.”

Ashley: “It’s okay. Hey, Seifer, if we put on another show here, would you want to be in it this time?”

Katie: “Yeah! It’s a great show!”

Lizzie: “Oh yeah.”

Seifer: “What show?”

Girls: *laugh quietly*

Seifer: “What’s so funny?”

Girls: *still laughing*

Seifer: “Let me see the CD.”

(he tries to get it from Katie, but she runs away)

Seifer: *whining* “Lemme see it!!”

(he finally gets a hold of it, and looks at the cd cover)

Seifer: “They made a musical about male strippers?!”

Girls: *laugh*


(back in the ramble room….the guys basically have nothing else, probably because some of them are half drunk, and the rest are just quiet to begin with)

Guys: “……………………………”

(Noelle enters)

Noelle: “Hey.”

Guys: *lifelessly* “Hey.”

Noelle: *frowns* “This doesn’t look like St. Patrick’s Day fun to me.”

Guys: *shrug* “Eh.”

Noelle: *gives them all a weird look* “Have you been working on doing things in unison, or something?”

Reno: “Hey, Noelle.”

Noelle: “What?”

Reno: “Sorry about before. With the alcohol. That was inconsiderate of me.”

Noelle: *blinks* “How drunk are you, Reno?”

Reno: “I’m being serious!”

Noelle: “Sorry! Geez, you’re forgiven, okay? Even if you still are a jerk.”

Tseng: “You haven’t seen Lark around, have you?”

Noelle: “Not for awhile, nope. Why?”

Tseng: “Nothing. Just wondering.”

Rufus: “Hey, guys, should I tell her about my cologne idea?”

Guys: “No!”

Rufus: “Geez, fine.”

(a long moment of silence passes)

Noelle: “This isn’t lively at all! You guys suck! You’re so boring!”

Reno: “I thought you hated St. Patrick’s day.”

Noelle: “Shut up!” *pause* “Where’s Sephiroth? Isn’t this is favorite holiday?”

Guys: *groan and put a hand to their heads*

Noelle: *blinks* “I don’t know what you guys were doing alone in here for so long, but I don’t like it.”


(back in loser land, they all have stopped fighting, and are sitting around looking disheveled. there are no tiddly winks to be seen.)

Hojo: “We successfully drive every guest we’ve ever had away.”

Nida: “Their loss.”

Scarlet: “Yeah, whatever.”

Kuja: *sigh* “I’ve wrecked my hair. Where’s my brush?”

Nida: “Forget the brush! We need to have a rematch!” *looks around* “Where are the tiddly winks?”

Heidegger: *burps*

Everyone: *looks at him*

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! Plasticy!”

Nida: “You jerk!!!”

(everyone pounces on him and starts beating him up. *there’s* a surprise)


(meanwhile, sephiroth is in his room, lying on his bed, with the remains of tears on his face. then there’s a knock on the door. he sits up, wiping at his eyes)

Sephiroth: “Vincent?”

(the door opens, and lark steps in, a bit meekly)

Lark: “No. It’s me.”

Sephiroth: *looks away* “Oh.”

(lark steps in, shuts the door and walks over to him very slowly)

Lark: “I–I’ve been thinking about what happened.”

Sephiroth: *still looking away* “I’m sorry.”

Lark: “What are you sorry about?”

Sephiroth: “……………..”

Lark: “Sephiroth, I’ve been thinking about what you said. And I was thinking back to everything and, I’m such an idiot. How could I have not known?” *she takes out the piece of paper and unfolds it. it’s the love letter he sent her in ‘ways to say i love you’ that irvine took credit for* “You wrote this, didn’t you?”

Sephiroth: *turns to look and barely nods*

Lark: *puts it away* “How stupid am I? You recite the whole damn thing, and I–I didn’t know. I–I never knew–I never had *any* idea.” *pause* “I’m really out of it.”

Sephiroth: “Don’t worry about it.” *looks away again*

Lark: *sits* “You’re mad at me.”

Sephiroth: “Why would I be?”

Lark: “You’re upset about something. Don’t think I can’t tell.”

Sephiroth: “It wasn’t right.”

Lark: “What wasn’t?”

Sephiroth: *turns to her* “What happened between us–do you know how long I *wanted* that? I wanted it so badly, but I realized that was not all I wanted.”

Lark: “What do you mean?”

Sephiroth: *shakes head* “It’s stupid. Forget it.” *sigh* “Look, I meant every word I said back there. Really. And if you feel uncomfortable around me now, I wouldn’t blame you.”

Lark: “I love you.”

Sephiroth: *immediately turns to look at her and says in disbelief* “What?”

Lark: *gulp* “Sephiroth…I meant to say…I love you too.”

Sephiroth: “Are you serious?”

Lark: *nods* “I…I have been in love with you for awhile… I just… When you told me how you felt… I couldn’t say it. I *felt* it…but…I–I couldn’t say it. I… I was scared.”

Sephiroth: “Why?”

Lark: “……I think it was because of Vincent.” *looks down*

Sephiroth: “…..Oh.” *pause* “What made you come to me now?”

Lark: *looks up* “Because I can’t deny it. I want to be with you. It’s not something I can hide anymore.”

Sephiroth: “It’s you I want too, Lark… And I think… I think Vincent understands.”

(lark sighs and leans her head on his shoulder and he puts his arms around her)

Sephiroth: “God, I can’t believe this is happening.” *closes his eyes and takes a deep breath* “Lark…I…I don’t want to tell anyone about us.”

Lark: “Me neither.”

Sephiroth: “They would just ruin it.”

Lark: “Agreed.”

Sephiroth: “Then we’ll keep us a secret.” *sighs and holds her tighter* “God, I love you, Lark.”

Lark: *looks up* “I love you too.” *cups his face in her hands* “Do you think….we could do it again? …Maybe this time we could get it right.”

Sephiroth: “I think we could get it *perfect*.”

(he leans forward and kisses her, and as they part she smiles at him)

Lark: “So, Sephiroth, what do you think of St. Patrick’s Day now?”

Sephiroth: *leaning her back* “I absolutely love St. Patrick’s Day. But not a quarter as much as I love you.”


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