#62 – Christmas Cheer

Scarlet: “How about I shove this tree up your ass?”

Originally Published: 12/23/00 . 45 pages

Synopsis
It’s Christmas time in the ramble room! Sephiroth’s willing to go to any length to get Lark to kiss him under the mistletoe. But with the Gundam Wing guys and a brand new karaoke machine to deal with, will he get his chance?

Ramble Milestones
-Steiner, Vivi and the lovely Kuja make their first appearance
-Zechs and Treize sing their first rendition of “I’ve Got You, Babe”

This ramble isn’t labeled as a favorite of mine, but there’s lots to love about it. From the simple things like Shell shaking her gift from Rude or Nida introducing himself to Kuja, to the more elaborate stuff like the “I Love You, Lark” bear and Sephiroth’s fishing pole mistletoe creation. And, of course, Zechs and Treize hog the karaoke machine for the first time. It’s not my favorite Christmas related ramble, but it’s a solid one.

(there are a bunch of people in the ramble room, and everyone is decorating it for christmas. the christmas tree is up, and lark and sephiroth are putting the final decorations on it)

Shell: “Christmas is only a week away!!” *bats eyelashes at rude* “What did ya get me, Rude?”

Rude: “……………”

Shell: “RUDE!”

Rude: “I’m not telling.”

Shell: *pouts* “You suck, Rude.”

Reno: *pouting* “Glad I don’t have a *girlfriend* to buy for.” *glares at Noelle*

Noelle: *cuddly with JT* “I got you the best gift, JT!”

JT: “I got you something nice too.”

(vincent takes something out of one of the storage boxes hands it to seph)

Vincent: “Here you are, angel.”

Sephiroth: *opens up box and takes out an angel* “An angel?” *looks at lark* “I thought you hated having an angel on top of the tree!!”

Lark: *giggles* “I do. I just wanted to see your reaction.” *high fives vincent*

Sephiroth: *frowns* “You two are getting too buddy buddy.” *pouts*

Lark: *hands him the star and takes the angel* “Here, Sephy, you’re tall. Put the star on top.”

(seph does so and then everyone steps back as lark turns on the lights and everyone watches)

Everyone: “Ooh…”

Lark: “It looks so nice.”

Katie: “Hey, can we pile the presents underneath?”

Lark: “Sure.”

(in a second the room is deserted except for lark and vincent)

Lark: *blinks* “Whoa. That was quick.”

Vincent: “Yes.” *looks at lark* “I take it your Christmas shopping has not been completed.”

Lark: *sighs* “Not quite… I haven’t gotten Sephiroth anything yet.”

Vincent: “Oh. I see.”

(everyone comes back in and starts placing colorfully wrapped packages under the tree)

Irvine: *winks at lark* “This is only half your present. The other half has to be refrigerated.”

Lark: “Oh boy.”

(reeve and tseng look at one another and then place their presents to each other under the tree)

Tseng: “I hope you like what I got you, Reeve.”

Reeve: “I’d like anything you did–er…gave to me, Tseng.” *sweat drops* “I meant gave.”

Shell: *shaking her present from rude* “What is this?”

Rude: “Um… Could you not?”

Lark: “Shell, no cheating. Put that down.”

(seph shyly puts down the two boxes he’s holding)

Zell: “Yo, who’d you buy for, ‘Roth?”

Sephiroth: “Vincent….and Lark.”

Zell: “Cool! I bought Lark something too!”

Sephiroth: *frowns* “Yeah.”

Ashley: “Hey, Lark, are the Gundam Wing boys coming to Christmas?”

Lark: “Christmas Eve, yes. We’re also having two guests from FF9–they’re gonna be with us for the holiday.”

JT: “And for good?”

Lark: “Yes.”

Zidane: “Lemme guess. Rusty and…” *grins* “Dagger?”

Lark: “No. No girls. It’s Vivi.”

Zidane: “Oh, cool. Vivi’s my pal.”

Rufus: “Hmm… You know, I wonder what the rejects are doing for Christmas…”

Zell: *reaches into his pocket and pulls out a yo-yo* “I don’t know, but I got their yo-yo!”

Sephiroth: *looks around* “Hey… Where’s the mistletoe?”

Lark: “Damn! I knew I forgot something!”

Sephiroth: “Don’t worry–I’ll get some.” *leaves*

Shell: “So, Rude, what did you get me?”

Rude: “Stop asking, Shell.”

Shell: ” Can’t blame a girl for trying.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile in loser land…nida is watching scarlet put up their bare xmas tree)

Nida: *whines* “I’m Jewish. Can’t we have a menorah?”

Scarlet: “How about I shove this tree up your ass?”

Hojo: *mutters* “Then at least we would have something atop it.”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! Our tree is bare!”

Hojo: “Your skills of observation astound me.”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! Thanks!”

Hojo: *blinks* “I was being sarcastic.”

Scarlet: “Hmm… It could use some decorations.”

Nida: “Why don’t you use some of your tacky jewelry?” *laughs*

Scarlet: “Like I said, why don’t I shove this tree up your–”

(knock at the door)

Everyone: *blink*

Hojo: “I know we’re not used to having visitors, but we should be able to recognize a knock at the door!”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! I’ll get it!” *he goes over and opens it* “Gya! Hey!” *face lights up* “Gya haa haa! My mail order bride arrived!”

????: *jaw drops* “Excuse me? I am not your mail order bride.”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! I love it when they’re feisty!”

Hojo: *shakes head* “You’re a sick man, Heidegger.”

????: “I am not your mail order bride. I’m not a woman.”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! You can’t fool me!”

????: “I’m a man, imbecile! See?!” *takes heidegger’s hand and puts it on his chest*

Heidegger: *jerking his hand away* “Gya! You are a man! I don’t want a man!”

Hojo: *eagerly* “I’ll take him off your hands, Heidegger.” *licks lips*

(the new…um…guy comes in, shutting the door)

Nida: *blinks* “Are you *sure* you’re a guy? You dress sluttier than Scarlet.”

????: “Yes, I am a *man*. My name is Kuja and I’m from FF9. Lark sent me here. She used many unpleasant words. I don’t believe she likes me.”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! She hates us all!”

Scarlet: “We’re not allowed with the others.”

Nida: “You look like Sephiroth. I drive the Garden. Twilight’s my friend no matter what he says.”

Hojo: “I’m single.”

Kuja: “Yes. That’s nice. What do I have to do to get with the good people?”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! We will not be insulted!”

Nida: “We *are* the good people.”

Scarlet: *rolls her eyes* “Sure we are.”

Hojo: “Are you single?”

Kuja: *frowns* “Very well. I will make the best of this arrangement for now.” *pause* “And I am single.” *pause* “But you’re not my type.”

Hojo: *garden snap* “Dammit!”

Kuja: “Now is there a mirror around here? It’s been almost ten minutes since I’ve seen my beautiful face.”

Scarlet: *hands him her compact* “Have you ever had a sex change?”

Kuja: *snatches mirror* “No!” *smiles at his reflection* “Ooh…look at that handsome face.” *sings* “I’m so pretty! Oh so pretty! I feel pretty, and witty and gay!”

Hojo: *dreamy sigh* “Because you are…”

Nida: “We were just trying to decorate our Christmas tree. I’m Jewish, but Scarlet’s a bitch and she doesn’t care.”

Scarlet: “Damn straight I don’t care!”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! Kuja’s a girly name!”

Kuja: “I am *not* a girl!” *annoyed sigh* “If you do not wish to call me by my name, you may address me as the angel of death.”

Hojo: “Angel…”

Nida: “Angels are girls.”

Kuja: “They are not! Shows what you know, ignoramus!” *pushes hair back*

Scarlet: “Heidegger, if he’s your mail order bride, can we send him back?”

Kuja: “I am NO ONE’S mail order bride!”

Hojo: “Of course not! And Kuja’s staying!”  *dreamy sigh* “He’s so pretty…like a little girl…”

Kuja: *scared look*

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile…later that day…seph is alone in the ramble room sitting on the floor with a fishing pole between his knees and fumbling with some string as he tries to tie some mistletoe to the end. He’s obviously getting quite frustrated when Irvine and Zidane come in, looking at seph in confusion)

Irvine: “Uh… What are you doing, Sephiroth?”

Sephiroth: *gives him an ‘isn’t it obvious’ look* “I am tying mistletoe to the end of this fishing pole.”

Zidane: “Well *duh*. I think he meant why.”

Sephiroth: *pouts* “No reason.” *goes back to working on it* “Leave me alone.”

Irvine: “Yeah…Well, we got mistletoe too.”

Zidane: “Except we’re going to do *normal* things with it.”

(they take about 3 pieces of mistletoe and hang one piece over the door, one over the couch, and one in front of the Christmas tree)

Irvine: *grins* “We’re sure to get some action now!”

Sephiroth: *mumbles* “Like you don’t get enough as it is.”

(the door to the ramble room opens and lark enters, unknowingly standing under the mistletoe)

Lark: “Hey, guys.”

(irvine and zidane look up, see she’s standing under the mistletoe and grin)

Irvine and Zidane: “LARK!: *run for her*

Lark: “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!” *runs away*

(irvine and zidane chase her out. seph finally completes his contraption and smiles in triumph)

Sephiroth: “Ah ha! This thing can’t fail me!”

(the door opens and reeve and tseng come in)

Tseng: “Hello, Sephiroth.”

Reeve: “What’s that you’ve got?”

Sephiroth: “Nothing.” *gets up* “Did you find something?”

(reeve and tseng come over and are unknowingly standing under the mistletoe near the tree. tseng hands seph a box)

Tseng: “I don’t understand why you had us go out and get her something when you got her something already.”

Sephiroth: *opening the box* “I had to get her something else. Something cute. And you know I can’t do that.” *takes out a teddy bear* “What?! This stinks! I could have picked this out!!”

Tseng: “It’s not just any teddy bear! Look–we had it programmed special.” *he comes over and pressed the bear’s hand*

Bear: *in a chipper voice* “I love you, Lark! I love you, Lark! I love you, Lark! I love you, Lark! I love you, Lark!..” *repeats*

Sephiroth: “What the hell is this?!”

Tseng: *giggles* “Isn’t it cute?”

Sephiroth: “No, you, homo! It’s revolting!” *throws it back at tseng* “I don’t even wanna touch it!”

Tseng: *frowns* “Reeve thought it was cute.”

Reeve: *blushes*

Bear: *still going*

Sephiroth: “Can’t you shut it off?”

(tseng shuts it off and hands it back to seph)

Tseng: “Well keep it anyway. It might give you some ideas.” *smiles*

Sephiroth: “You’re one to talk.” *sits on the couch pouting*

Reeve: *looks up* “Tseng…”

Tseng: “What?”

Reeve: *points up* “Look.”

Tseng: *looks up* “Oh…” *blushes* “Heh.”

Reeve: “Eh heh.”

Sephiroth: “Oh, just kiss! I won’t tell anyone!”

Reeve: “Well if you insist…”

Tseng: “If we have no choice…”

(they grab each other and start going at it)

Sephiroth: *blinks* “Whoa. Is that allowed under the mistletoe?” *turns his head to one side*

(the door opens and lark enters. tseng and reeve don’t notice and keep going. seph’s so busy watching he doesn’t notice either. lark notices reeve and tseng, then looks at seph and back again grinning)

Lark: “Is this a private show, or can anyone watch?”

(reeve and tseng break apart and seph turns to her)

Reeve: “Uh…”

Tseng: “Sephiroth made us.”

Sephiroth: “Hey! I did not!”

(reeve and tseng hurry out. lark comes over to the couch and seph quickly hides the bear behind his back)

Lark: “So, what’s up, Sephy?” *looks at the ceiling* “I see there’s mistletoe up.” *chuckles* “Irvine and Zidane scared the crap outta me.”

Sephiroth: “Uh huh.” *his hand slips and he accidentally presses the hand of the bear*

Bear: “I love you, Lark!”

Sephiroth: *turns three shades of white and tries to shut it off*

Lark: *looks confused* “Did you say something, Sephiroth?”

Sephiroth: “No!”

Bear: “I love you, Lark!”

Lark: “Are you sure?”

Bear: “I love you, Lark!”

Sephiroth: “Yes!” *tries to muffle it*

Bear: “I love you, Lark!”

Lark: “I heard it again!”

Sephiroth: “You’re delusional.”

Bear: “I love you, Lark!”

Lark: “Are you *sure* you don’t hear it?”

Sephiroth: *banging the animal frantically against the back of the couch* “I’m sure!”

Bear: *sounds broken* “I………..wouve……….. yoo…….. Lark…..”

Lark: “There it is!”

Sephiroth: *rips the bear’s head off* “There! See! Nothing!”

Lark: *listens a second* “Heh. You’re right.” *frowns* “That was weird. I could have sworn I heard ‘I love you, Lark’!”

Sephiroth: “You and your delusions of grandeur.” *realizes his stupidity and makes a ‘whoops, did I say that’ face*

Lark: *frowns* “Yeah. Anyway, Seph, I was thinking, what do you want for Christmas?”

Sephiroth: *thinks* You. *says* “I’m not sure.”

Lark: *sighs* “Well, can you let me know by tomorrow? I really need to know.”

Sephiroth: “All right. I’ll think of something for tomorrow.”

Lark: “All right. See ya tomorrow then.” *leaves*

Sephiroth: “Hmmm… I wonder if I can think of  a way to clue her in to what I want…”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(the next day in loser land)

Scarlet: *staring at the tree* “This is really sad.” *looks at nida* “Come help me with the tree.”

Nida: “I don’t *wanna*! I’m Jewish, remember?”

Scarlet: “I don’t *care*. Remember?”

Hojo: *staring at kuja* “Ah, this certainly is turning to be a perfect holiday season.”

Kuja: *staring at himself in a hand mirror* “I look *extra* beautiful today!”

Heidegger: *staring at the tiddly winks board* “Gya haa haa! Who wants to play?”

Scarlet: *face lights up* “Ooh! I know what we can put on the tree!” *turns to nida* “Nida! Go get that box of dorky school medals you have.”

Nida: “No! I’m *Jewish*! We don’t *use* Christmas trees!”

Scarlet: “Go get it or I’ll strap you naked to Hojo’s bedroom wall.”

Nida: *pales* “No! Not that! I’ll get them!” *he leaves*

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! Why not hang the tiddly winks off the tree?”

Scarlet: “Can you say one damn sentence without mentioning those damn things?!”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! My yo-yo was lost!”

Scarlet: “Grrr….”

Kuja: *fluffing his hair* “Aren’t I pretty?”

Hojo: *eagerly* “Gorgeous!”

Kuja: *slides away from him* “Yes, well…”

(nida returns with the medals not too happily and hands the box to scarlet)

Nida: “Here, skank whore.”

(scarlet shoves it back in his hands)

Scarlet: “Hand them to me, loser, and I’ll put it on the damn tree!”

(nida begrudgingly sets down the box and removes a medal)

Nida: “Look! It’s my medal for second best fire caster!” *frowns* “Stupid Squall.”

Scarlet: *snatching it* “I asked for the medal, not your life story!”

Nida: “Well sor*ry*.” *reaches into the box* “Ooh!! My second place medal for that spelling bee!” *eyes narrow* “Stupid Squall…”

(ten minutes later…the tree has lots and lots of 2nd and 3rd place medals on it. nida is still pulling stuff out of the box.)

Nida: “And this is my 2nd place medal for the Garden pie bake off.” *pouts* “Stupid Zell.”

Kuja: *blinks* “Don’t you have *any* first place medals?”

Nida: “Yeah! This last one is for first place!” *holds it up and smiles at it* “Best attendance. You know, they said I was crazy for poisoning Squall’s hot dog, but it’s my greatest accomplishment next to driving the Garden.”

Scarlet: “You’re sick!” *grabs it and puts it on the tree* “There. Done.”

Nida: *grins* “It’s the Nida tree of accomplishments!” *scarlet hits him upside the head* “Ow!”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile…in the ramble room…tseng and reeve are screwing with the stereo when sephiroth comes in, deep in thought…)

Tseng: “Hello, Sephiroth.”

Reeve: “How’s the bear?”

Sephiroth: “He had a fatal encounter with a guillotine.”

Reeve: “WHAT?!”

Sephiroth: “Heh heh heh.”

Tseng: *sweat drops* “I don’t *wanna* know.”

Sephiroth: “I think I may require your help again.”

Reeve: “No.”

Sephiroth: “Why not?”

Reeve: “You might chop my head off next!”

Sephiroth: “Reeve! That’s ridiculous. If I was gonna chop off anyone’s head, it would be Rufus’.”

Tseng: “Well in that case… What do you need, Sephiroth?”

Sephiroth: “A very vague way to tell Lark I…uh…want *her* for Christmas.”

Reeve: “And you want a *vague* way to do this?”

Sephiroth: “Shut up, Reeve, or I *will* cut your head off!!”

Reeve: *gulp*

Tseng: “Don’t threaten my R–er…friend.”

Sephiroth: “Yeah. Anyway, do you have any ideas or not?”

Reeve: “Well… I think I know a song that fits what you want…”

(reeve goes through his cd collection and pulls out the mariah carey christmas album)

Sephiroth: “Mariah Carey?!” *shakes his head* “Even I’m not that bad.”

Reeve: “What?”

Sephiroth: “Never mind. What song?”

Tseng: “Oh! ‘All I Want For Christmas’!! That’s perfect!”

Lark’s voice: “Sephy?!”

Sephiroth: *jumps* “Uh, in here, Lark!” *to reeve and tseng* “Put the song on, hurry up! And if she doesn’t seem to be getting the point, I’ll cough, and you turn the volume up, got it?”

Reeve: “We’re not stupid.”

Sephiroth: “Oh right. Sorry.”

(reeve presses the start button on the stereo just as Lark comes in)

Lark: “Oh, hey, Sephiroth. There you are. I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

Stereo: “I don’t want a lot for Christmas–There’s just one thing I need–I don’t care about the presents–Underneath the Christmas tree…”

Sephiroth: “Oh, really? Why’s that?”

Lark: “You know why!? Because I want to know what you want for Christmas!!”

Sephiroth: “Oh right. That thing. Hmm… Let me think a moment.”

Stereo: “I just want you for my own–More than you could ever know–Make my wish come trueAll I want for Christmas is…You.”

Lark: “Come on, Sephiroth. I’m not a mind reader.”

Sephiroth: *cough* “Sorry, Lark.”

Stereo: *louder* “I don’t want a lot for Christmas–There’s just one thing I need–I don’t care about the presents—Underneath the Christmas tree—I don’t need to hang my stocking—There upon the fireplace—Santa Claus won’t make me happy—With a toy on Christmas day.”

Lark: “Sephiroth, have you been thinking about this?”

Sephiroth: “Yes…” *cough*

Stereo: *even louder* “I just want you for my own—More than you could ever know—Make my wish come true—All I want for Christmas is you—You baby.”

Lark: “Sephiroth! I haven’t got all day!!”

Sephiroth: “I’m *listening*, Lark, and hoping maybe something I’m *hearing* will clue me in to what I want!”

Lark: “What?! What the hell are you talking about!?”

Sephiroth: *cough*

Stereo: *louder* “I won’t ask for much this Christmas—I don’t even wish for snow—I’m just gonna keep on waiting—Underneath the mistletoe—I won’t make a list and send it—To the North Pole for Saint Nick—I won’t even stay awake to—Hear those magic reindeers click—‘Cause I just want you here tonight—Holding on to me so tight—-What more can I do—Baby all I want for Christmas is you.”

Lark: “Come on, Sephiroth!”

Sephiroth: “Ever had the feeling that the answer is RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU?”

Lark: “What?!”

Sephiroth: *cough*

Stereo: *really loud* “Ooh baby—All the lights are shining—So brightly everywhere—And the sound of children’s—Laughter fills the air—And everyone is singing—I hear those sleigh bells ringing—Santa won’t you bring me the one I really need—Won’t you please bring my baby to me…”

Sephiroth: *yells over the music* “Do you get it now?”

Lark: *yelling over the music* “What?! I can’t hear you over this music!!”

Stereo: *just as loud* “Oh I don’t want a lot for Christmas—This is all I’m asking for.”

Sephiroth: *yelling over the music* “I said – do you get it now?! Isn’t it obvious what I want?!”

Lark: *yelling over the music* “What?! I still can’t hear you!”

Sephiroth: *yelling to reeve* “Turn it down!”

Reeve: *yelling to tseng* “Did he say turn it up?”

Tseng: *yells back* “I think so!”

Stereo: *really freakin’ loud* “I just want to see my baby—Standing right outside my door.”

Lark: *hands over her ears* “Turn it down!!!”

Sephiroth: *yelling at reeve* “Turn it *down*, you moron!!”

Reeve: *yelling at tseng* “He wants me to make it *louder*?!”

Tseng: *wincing* “Is she really *that* dense?!”

Stereo: *as loud as it goes* “Oh I just want you for my own—More than you could ever know.”

Lark: “Turn the damn thing off!!!”

Sephiroth: “You morons!!!” *he stalks over and turns it down* “You guys are morons!!”

Reeve: *straining to hear* “What?”

Sephiroth: “ARGH!”

Stereo: “Make my wish come true—Baby all I want for Christmas is…You.” *goes quiet*

Lark: “Oh, I like that song!”

Sephiroth: *choking reeve* “You’re an idiot!”

Tseng: *trying to pry sephiroth off* “Don’t hurt Reeve!”

Lark: *backing slowly out the door* “Um… I’ll think of something, Seph. Don’t worry about it.” *leaves*

Sephiroth: *releases reeve* “Aw, dammit! This sucks! You two clowns messed up big time!”

Reeve: “I couldn’t hear you over the music!!”

Sephiroth: *picks up his fishing pole* “Oh well.”

Tseng: “You fish, Sephiroth?”

Sephiroth: “Yeah. I gotta go catch the object of my affection.” *walks out*

Tseng: “Heh. I wish it were that easy.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(okay, so…later… sephiroth has…um…attached the fishing pole to his back, so the mistletoe hangs right in front of him. he’s alone in the tv room, sitting on the couch, eyes closed. vincent comes in, sees seph and the mistletoe, comes over and kisses him lightly. seph opens his eyes)

Sephiroth: “Vincent!”

Vincent: “I enjoy this set up, my angel. May I kiss you again?”

Sephiroth: “I didn’t rig this up for you! You’ll kiss me anytime I want!” *pause* “All right.”

(vincent kisses him just as irvine and reno enter)

Irvine: *turning right around* “Whoa! More than I needed to see!!”

Reno: *grabs irvine’s arm laughing* “Hey, is that mistletoe over your head, Sephiroth?”

Sephiroth: *shoving vincent away and standing up* “For your information, *Reno*–” *pauses then says quietly* “It is.”

Irvine: “Why don’t you stand under the door in the ramble room?”

Sephiroth: *pouts* “Cause she’d find a way out of it.”

Reno: “Underneath the *door*?!”

Sephiroth: “Shut up! She would!”

Irvine: *turning to walk out the door* “Sephiroth, take off that ridiculous contraption before you get yourself laughed out of the ramble room.”

(reno and irvine leave)

Sephiroth: *pouting* “Well they’re stupid!” *turns to vincent* “Vincent, what do you think?”

Vincent: “I like it, angel.”

Sephiroth: “Grrr…!” *rips the fishing pole off his back* “This just sucks!”

Vincent: “Um… I said I *liked* it, angel.”

Sephiroth: “I *know*, Vincent. That’s *why* I took it off!”

Vincent: *hangs head* “Oh…”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(christmas eve has arrived! –that was fast, ne?—anyway, sephiroth is standing under the mistletoe in the doorway. there are lots of people in the ramble room standing around…but lark’s nowhere to be found, and neither is zidane)

JT: *frowns* “Where’s Z man? I want to pull his tail.”

Noelle: “Uh… But JT, I thought you said you were never gonna pull his tail again.”

JT: “I…um…lied.”

Sephiroth: “Where is Lark!?” *leans against the doorframe* “So far I’ve gotten a bunch of kisses from people I don’t wanna kiss!”

Katie and Lizzie: “Sephy, can we kiss you again?”

Sephiroth: “NO!”

Tseng: “I don’t think you minded too much when I kissed you, Sephiroth.” *smiles*

Sephiroth: “Quiet, you.”

(just then zidane comes in with two other people behind him. he stands under the doorway, looks up, then looks at seph, then looks up and then at seph again)

Zidane: *grins at seph* “Well look at us.”

Sephiroth: “What?”

(zidane quickly kisses seph on the lips)

Sephiroth: “EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got kissed by Monkey boy freak!!!! EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW!!!! I have to sterilize my lips!” *runs out*

Zidane: *blinks* “Well *excuse* me. *He* should not have been standing under the mistletoe then.”

(zidane comes into the ramble room with an older guy in armor and a little black mage)

Zidane: “Hey, everybody! This is Vivi, and Rusty.”

Steiner: *cough*

Zidane: “Er… Steiner.”

Steiner: “Merry Christmas everyone.”

Vivi: “Um… Hi.”

(just then lark comes, followed by the gundam wing boys)

Lark: “Hey, everyone! Merry Christmas.”

Heero: “Happy Hanukkah.”

Duo: “Heero! Dude! For the billionith time you *cannot* be Jewish! You’re Japanese!”

Heero: “….Dr. J was Jewish. He raised me that way.”

Duo: *cringes* “Ugh.”

Seifer: *runs over* “Hey! You’re Jewish too! Cool! We can light the Menorah together!”

Heero: “……….Fine.”

Wufei: “Wufei says Christmas is for sissies.”

Quatre: “Christmas is such a happy time of year.” *spots the tree* “Oh, the tree looks beautiful! Just beautiful! The star is beautiful! The decorations are beautiful! The–”

Noelle: “QUATRE!”

Quatre: “Yes, N?”

Noelle: “Quatre, this is my new boyfriend, JT.”

JT: “Hello.”

Quatre: *blinks* “What happened to the drunk?”

Noelle: “I dumped his sorry, drunken ass.”

Quatre: *blinks* “Oh. Well then.”

(sephiroth comes running back in and stops in the doorway, seeing lark already in the room)

Sephiroth: “Aw, dammit! See? I knew she’d find a way out of this!” *glares at zidane* “This is *your* fault!”

Zidane: *grins* “You know, you’re still standing under the mistletoe.”

Sephiroth: *holds out his hand in a stop sign* “Stay the hell away from me.”

(then zechs and treize enter. they spot the mistletoe hanging over the door, and sephiroth standing under it. then they both lean over and kiss him on the cheek)

Sephiroth: “Ack!”

Treize: *grins* “It seems today is our lucky day, Zechs.”

Zechs: *kissing seph on the lips now*

Treize: “ZECHS!”

Zechs: *draws away* “Um, yes.”

Sephiroth: *head in his hands* “It’s no good. It’s no good at all.”

Lark: “Oh! Steiner, Vivi! Hi! Welcome to the ramble room!”

Vivi: “Thanks, Lark.”

Steiner: “I might inquire about the man at the door. Is he standing guard?”

Lark: “Who, Sephiroth? No… I don’t know what he’s doing.” *calls* “Sephiroth! Get away from the door! You look weird!”

(sephiroth comes into the room muttering unhappily)

Shell: *pulling on wufei’s arm* “What did ya get me, Wufei?”

Wufei: “Silence, woman! I do not need to put up with this!”

Shell: *whining* “What did you get me?!”

Wufei: “How about I have it *destroyed* before you can get your greedy little hands on it?”

Shell: *backs away* “I’ll wait.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(meanwhile, in loser land…the losers are all sitting around on their two couches looking bored, except for hojo, who is staring at kuja with a dreamy expression)

Scarlet: “Well… It’s Christmas Eve.”

Nida: “It’s also one of the nights of Hanukah.”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! I have something for you, Nida!!” *reaches into his pocket and hands nida a card*

Nida: *opens it and reads it* “What the hell?!? This is a Christmas card, you jackass!!”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! Merry Christmas!!”

Nida: “I’m Jewish, you moron!! JEWISH! I say it like a million times a day.”

Heidegger: “Gya? Happy Kwanza?”

Nida: “GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!” *starts beating heidegger*

Scarlet: *yawns* “Christmas doesn’t seem unlike any other day.”

Hojo: *cuddling up to kuja* “You know what I would like for Christmas?”

Kuja: *trying to edge away* “I really don’t want to know.”

Scarlet: “You know… Maybe if we were nice to the ramble people we could be in there with them right now.”

Nida: “Not like they’re nice to us either!”

Heidegger: *face all scratched up* “Gya haa-true!”

Hojo: “Hmmm… I once saw a commercial where the message was made clear that you should at least be nice to people on Christmas.”

Kuja: “But… We’re never nice. That’s why we’re the evil villains.”

Nida: “I am *not* a villain. I drive the Garden!”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! Are you saying we should be nice to them?!”

Hojo: “For one day… Perhaps. I would like to see my son… Even if he hates me… ”

Kuja: “You have a son?”

Nida: “Yeah, and he looks like you, girly. …Except less like a girl.”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! What do you think, Scarlet?”

Scarlet: *shrugs* “If you think they’ll actually let us *in*, sure. Why the hell not?”

Nida: “All right! I’ll show up Squall!”

Hojo: “We have to be *nice*, you silly boy! Or they’ll kick us out!”

Nida: *frowns* “Oh. Yeah. Right. I guess that is kinda important.”

Heidegger: “What are we waiting for? Gya haa haa! Let’s go!”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(back in the ramble room…)

Shell: “Is it time for presents yet?”

Lark: “No, Shell.” *finishes making egg nog* “Who wants egg nog?”

Noelle: “…Is there alcohol in it?”

Lark: “No.”

Noelle: “Good!”

Rude: “…Speaking of alcohol, where’s Reno?”

Rufus: “Hopefully dead.”

Lark: “Rufus!”

Rufus: “Sorry…”

Barret: “Yo! An’ where’s dat damn cat/dog/emu?!”

Cid: “$%$@%&^&$?!?”

Lark: “I don’t know. I’m sure they’ll be here soon. Just drink your egg nog!”

Zidane: “Is there really egg in this stuff?”

Zell: “And what the hell is nog?”

Lark: “You’re just supposed to drink it! Not analyze it! Now drink it and shut up!”

Vivi: “I brought candy canes.”

Lark: “Vivi! You little darling you!” *hugs him* “Thanks!”

Vivi: “Oh.. You’re welcome, Lark.”

(there’s a knock at the door)

Lark: “Can you get that, Sephy, since you’re standing right there and all?”

Sephiroth: *mutters* “Sure.” *opens the door*

(scarlet, hojo, heidegger, kuja and nida all stand there looking hopeful.)

Scarlet, Hojo, Heidegger, Kuja: *sing* “We wish you a merry Christmas! We wish you a Merry Christmas! We wish you a Merry Christmas and a happy new year. Good tidings we bring, to you and your kin. Good tidings for Christmas, and a happy new year!!”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa!”

Nida: “Drediel, Drediel, Drediel! I made you out of–” *gets hit in the head by scarlet* “Ow!”

Everyone: *blink*

Sephiroth: “Ahhh!!! The spawn of satan!!” *goes to slam the door shut*

Hojo: *stops it* “Wait! Can’t you see we’re trying to be nice?”

Sephiroth: “I bet he’s got poison gas!!”

Rufus: *covering his eyes* “Scarlet’s gonna flash us all!!”

Vivi: “Kuja’s gonna sic black mages on us!”

Squall: “Nida’s gonna drive the Garden into us!”

Tseng: *covering his ears* “Heidegger’s gonna laugh!”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa!”

Tseng: “…See?”

Lark: *comes over* “Okay, what’s going on over here?”

Scarlet: “We want to come in! We’re being nice!”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! Hojo was inspired by a commercial!”

Zell: “Omg, the one for that pebbles cereal!? With the Flintstones?!”

Hojo: “Yes, that was it.”

Zell: “I *love* that commercial!”

Nida: “Please, Lark? We’ll be good! Please please please please please please please please?”

Lark: *frowns* “Well… It *is* Christmas…”

Nida: *jumps* “Hooray!”

Lark: “But you annoy anyone and you’re all out!”

Irvine: *chuckles* “That’s the Christmas spirit!”

Sephiroth: “Lark, have you lost your mind?! Don’t turn nice just because it’s Christmas!!”

Lark: *comes over and pats him on the cheek* “Sephy, grow up.” *walks away*

Sephiroth: *jaw drops* “Grow up? Me?” *pause* “I feel like I forgot to do something…” *looks up* “Aw, dammit!”

Hojo: “Merry Christmas, son!”

Sephiroth: “Leave me alone.” *pouts*

Hojo: “Son, meet Kuja.” *dreamy sigh* “Isn’t he hot?”

Sephiroth: *looks at him frowning* “He looks like a girly version of me.”

Kuja: *blinks* “This is your son?”

Sephiroth: *looks annoyed* “Don’t start hitting on me, buddy. I already have a guy hanging all over me.” *looks at him* “By the way, Vincent is *mine* –don’t touch him.”

Kuja: *blinks* “Well then. *Excuse* me!”

Nida: “Hey, Squall, our Christmas tree is decorated with all my medals.” *grins*

Squall: “All your *second place* medals.” *sips egg nog*

Nida: *frowns* “Well that’s okay. I don’t care. I’m Jewish anyway.”

Seifer: “Oh man! No way! I’m Jewish too!”

Nida: “Hey! Awesome, dude! I’ve been looking for someone Jewish!” *hugs seifer*

Seifer: *frozen* “Help…”

Trowa: “What is everyone celebrating?”

Katie: *hits him upside the head*

Trowa: “Oh. Merry Christmas everyone!”

Nida: “Oh, hi, Twilight!! I didn’t see you there…hiding…behind the couch.” *frowns*

Twilight: “Dammit.” *gets up* “I see you have found my secret hide out. Now you must die!!” *reaches for lightsaber*

Opal: *rushes in to stop him* “No, Twilight!! It’s Christmas! No hurting!”

Twilight: *frowns* “Fine. I’ll get you after Christmas.”

Nida: *sweat drops*

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! Merry Christmas, President Rufus!”

Scarlet: *cuddling up to rufus* “Merry Christmas, Mr. President.”

Rufus:”Yeah… Uh…thanks. Oh, look, Scarlet! There’s Reeve! Why don’t you go annoy the living hell out of him?”

Scarlet: “Reevy!!” *runs to reeve*

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa!”

Rufus: *winces* “You still here?”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa!”

Rufus: “Uh…” *glances around the room frantically* “Look! I think I see your yo-yo over there!!”

Heidegger: “Gya haa where!?!” *goes away*

(all the sudden the door opens and reno comes in with a santa hat on, and red in tow with antlers on)

Reno: “HO HO HO! Merrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry Christmas everyone!!”

Red: “Please. Someone help me. I’m begging you.”

Noelle: *blinks* “Reno, are you drunk?”

Reno: “I wish!”

Lark: “Reno, have some egg nog.”

Reno: “Sure!” *takes some*

Wufei: *looks at the tree* “This tree is weak! The branches are not strong!!” *kicks the tree*

(wufei kicked the tree so hard that it topples and falls on wufei and trowa)

Wufei: “AHH! The tree has vowed revenge on Wufei!!”

Lark: “OMG! You stupid jerk!!!”

(a bunch of people run over and put the tree back up)

Wufei: “It’s still weak.” *glares at the tree*

Trowa: “Hey! Can I do it again? Harder! And up against the wall!”

Everyone: *blink*

Seifer: “Hey! How about a harmless game of drediel?”

Nida: “Yeah! I have one in my pocket!!”

Lark: “Cool! How do you play?”

(seifer, nida, heero, lark, squall, rude, rufus, and duo sit around to play)

Duo: “So how do you play?”

(seifer dumps a big pile of chocolate coins in the middle of the table)

Nida: “You see, you just spin and do whatever it lands on.” *points to one symbol* “This is gimmel. It means ‘take all’.” *points to the next one* “This is nun. It means nothing happens.” *points to the next one* “This is hay. It means you take half.” *points to the last one* “And this is shin. It means you lose all.”

Zell: “Hey! Is that chocolate?” *tries to take some*

Seifer: *swats his hand away* “No, Zell! They’re for the game!!”

Rufus: “I’m gonna win.”

Duo: “No way, cause I am!”

Seifer: “I’m going first!!” *grabs the drediel from nida and spins it*

(several minutes later….rufus has no coins, rude, and squall have a lot, and seifer, nida, heero and lark even have a few…behind them is a large group of people betting on who will win)

Zell: “I got all my money on Squall, ‘yo!”

Tseng: “No way, Rude’s the sure winner.”

Rufus: “Aw, man! Not shin again!!! I already have no coins!”

Barret: “Yo, Scarlet, give it up. Yo’ pansy ass boy lost!”

Scarlet: “Dammit!” *throws in her money* “Wait! I still have clothes!!”

Rufus: “I’m outta money.”

Scarlet: “No, wait, Rufus! Take my bra!”

Rufus: *shudders* “For once in my life, I’d rather be out.” *pouts* “This game sucks!”

Lark: “No it doesn’t, you’re just upset cause you’re out.”

Rufus: “Not true!” *pouts* “This game sucks.”

Duo: *spins and get shin* “Oh, man! I lost all mine too!! This game really does suck!”

Wufei: “You’re out, Quatre, you were betting on braid boy.”

Quatre: “But my daddy is very rich! Let me stay in!”

Wufei: “NO!” *grabs his money* “Learn to put your money on Heero, you candy pants!”

Seifer: “This game does not stink! You’re just jealous cause you people don’t *have* a game!”

Rufus: “Yeah…well…we…we have…um…poinsettias!”

Seifer: “….Who cares?”

Nida: “Don’t bash the Jewish faith!”

Heero: “I will destroy you.”

Duo: “Hanukkah sucks!! Christmas is better!!”

Nida: “No way! You people dance around a tree! That’s gay!”

Rufus: “Well…you…you spin stuff!”

Nida: “Yeah…..your point being?”

Rufus: “My point is… My point is… Shut up, loser!”

Rude: “Hm…. Did I win?”

Squall: “Whatever.”

Lark: “Stop fighting you guys. It’s time for dinner.”

Twilight: “Hey, Lark, you should have an ornament of me on the tree!”

Lark: “Uh….no.”

Kuja: “You are not as beautiful as I am!”

Twilight: “Hey, look at the chick I landed! What kind of chick you got?”

Kuja: “Women are dull. I like men.”

Twilight: “Then how come you dress like a woman?”

Kuja: “….Silence, fool!”

Lark: “We’re eating now! Stop fighting for five minutes!!”

(everyone files into another room and sits down to eat and they’re strangely quiet, when crying is heard)

Zidane: “Vivi, are you crying again?”

Vivi: “No, Zidane. It’s not me.”

Barret: “Yo! It’s dog/cat/rat/dog!”

Red: *weeping* “This reminds me of old Dkgiwndl Day in my old tribe in Cosmo Canyon. The whole house was surrounded in flowers…”

Barret: *resting his head on his hand* “Here we go.”

Red: “We spoke only in hushed whispers, and father would play his Fiuyr and tell us the story of Winterbrook castle. The children would play with their Njolip while the adults would smoke their Quexct’s.” *still crying* “I can still hear the old tune of the Fiuyr playing “The Flowers of Rucvbn meadows to this day.”

Everyone: *blink*

Red: “And then there was my cousin Cecil……………….”

(and so he goes on for 20 minutes, and everyone is looking bored and depressed. barret is trying to gauge his own eyes out, and reno has about 50 cups of egg nog in front of him. hey, but where the hell is duo?)

Red: *somberly* “…And then the fires that wracked the home I had once known so well made it impossible for me to ever think of the scared Dkgiwndl Day Golznew fire in the same way ever again.” *pause* “And that’s all I have to say about that.”

Everyone: *dead, dead silence*

(suddenly the door opens and duo comes running in grinning)

Duo: “Hey everyone! Let’s open our presents!!”

Everyone: “Yeah!!!”

(they all get out and run out of the room leaving red alone)

Red:  *hangs head* “Oh….”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(so, back in the ramble room, the GW boys are handing out their gifts since they won’t be there Christmas morning)

Shell: *pulling on wufei’s pants* “Where’s my present, Wufei!?!?”

Wufei: “Unhand me, woman! I’ll get it if you shut your unworthy mouth!” *he gets shell a small box wrapped in newspaper and hands it to her*

Shell: “You wrapped it in *newspaper*?!”

Wufei: “Wufei was too cheap to buy wrapping paper.”

Shell: *frowns* “Well… As long as the gift is good, I guess the wrapping doesn’t matter *that* much.” *she tears it open and looks horrified when she discovers it is a gundam wing model of the shenlong gundam* “WHAT THE HELL?!?!?”

Wufei: “I got you Nataku.”

Shell: “This doesn’t have diamonds on it!”

Wufei: “It’s Nataku! Kneel for Nataku right now you unworthy woman!”

Shell: “Yeah, right. Not everyone has a sick obsession with their gundam, Wufei!!”

Wufei: “Kneel damn you!”

Lark: *opening her gift from heero* “OMG!!! A karaoke machine!!! I love you, Heero!!” *hugs heero*

Heero: *smirks at seph* “You’re welcome, dear.”

Sephiroth: *frowns and sulks against the wall*

Lark: “Let’s use it right now!! Who wants karaoke?”

Shell: “I do!!!”

(shell grabs the mic, and starts singing ‘material girl’ by madonna)

Shell: *sings*”Some boys kiss me, some boys hug me–I think they’re O.K. –If they don’t give me proper credit –I just walk away —They can beg and they can plead –But they can’t see the light, that’s right —‘Cause the boy with the cold hard cash —-Is always Mister Right —‘Cause we are living in a material world —And I am a material girl —You know that we are living in a material world —And I am a material girl —Some boys romance, some boys slow dance —-That’s all right with me —If they can’t raise my interest then I —Have to let them be —Some boys try and some boys lie but —I don’t let them play —-Only boys who save their pennies —Make my rainy day —‘Cause they are —living in a material world —And I am a material girl —You know that we are living in a material world —And I am a material girl —Living in a material world [material] —Living in a material world —Boys may come and boys may go —And that’s all right you see —Experience has made me rich –And now they’re after me —“*chucks the model at wufei’s head*

Wufei: *holding his eye* “Ow! Nataku’s beam saber hit me in the eye!”

Shell: *sings* “‘Cause everybody’s living in a material world —And I am a material girl —You know that we are living in a material world —And I am a material girl –A material, a material —A material, a material world —Living in a material world [material] —Living in a material world!” *throws the box at wufei and says* “You suck!”

Wufei: *pulling tinsel out of his hair* “Ahh!! What is this?!”

Lark: “Um, yeah… Who wants to use it now?”

Twilight: “ME!!!” *runs up and starts singing star wars cantina poorly*

Opal: *winces* “Twilight, that’s so cliche!”

Twilight: *sings* “His name was Yoda! He was a jerk face! Uh… I don’t know all the words! And I can’t read them either!!”

Lark: *pulls twilight away* “You’ve had enough. Let me use it!” *starts singing ‘oops i did it again*

Sephiroth: *leaning against the back wall* “…………” *frowns*

Hojo: “What’s wrong, son?”

Sephiroth: “You’re talking to me. *That’s* what’s wrong.”

Kuja: “He’s upset because he’s not as pretty as me.”

Sephiroth: “And could you get your boyfriend away from me? He’s freakin’ me out.”

Hojo: *eyes widen* “Boyfriend! I wish!”

Sephiroth: *steps away* “Yeah. I’m gonna go talk to Vincent now.” *hurries away to vincent* “Vincent! Protect me! My father’s trying to pretend he cares!!”

Vincent: “My poor angel!” *hugs sephiroth*

Sephiroth: “……Vincent?”

Vincent: “What is it, my angel?”

Sephiroth: “….I think I should sing a song for Lark. What do you think?”

Vincent: “I think that would be lovely, my angel.”

Sephiroth: *determined* “Okay, then! I’ll do it at midnight!”

Lark: *finishes* “Who wants to sing something?”

Rude: “…I’ll sing something.” *gets up and starts singing tainted love by soft cell*

Shell: “I don’t like this song. Sing something else, Rude!”

Rude: *clears his throat and keeps on going!”

Shell: “Rude! I said sing something else!!”

Reno: *stumbling* “I need more egg nog.”

Tseng: “Uh…Reno? Why are you acting drunk?”

Reno: “Cause I *am* drunk? Duh?”

Tseng: “But… You’ve only been drinking a ton of that egg nog.”

Reno: “That EGG NOG has ALCOHOL in it, stupid!”

Tseng: “Actually, *stupid*, it doesn’t.”

Reno: *blinks* “…..Oh, man.”

Seifer: “Hey, Zell, I gotta dare for ya.”

Zell: “I don’t know, Seifer, last time you dared me to do something I got my tongue stuck to that pole when it was really cold out!”

Seifer: “You were there for 2 days, chicken-wuss! We all had a good laugh. Even Squall!”

Zell: “No! Not Squall!!”

Seifer: “I dare you to eat the mistletoe.”

Zell: “I think that stuff is poisonous, Seifer.”

Seifer: “No it’s not. That’s….daisies.”

Zell: “Are you sure?”

Seifer: “Of course I am! Would I lie?”

Zell: “Yes. You have many times before.”

Seifer: “Would I lie *now*?”

Zell: “Probably.”

Seifer: “Well I’m not. Eat it, dammit.”

Zell: “What do I get if I eat it?”

Seifer: “Glory.”

Zell: “Is that money?”

Seifer: “No.”

Zell: *scratches head* “All right.” *takes some off the ceiling and takes a bite* “This taste like plastic, Seifer. It’s sticky.”

Seifer: “That’s the poison setting in. Keep eating it, chicken wuss.”

Zell: “Poison! Seifer, you said it was daisies!”

Seifer: “You’re a daisy! Keep eating it!”

Zell: *mouth full of plastic* “Do I get my glory now?”

Seifer: “Not until you’re dead.”

Zell: “Wait, what?”

Lark: *holding out the mic* “Who wants to sing now?”

Treize: “Zechs and I will!!”

(lark hands them each a mic)

Treize: “I dedicate this song to Zechs.” *smiles fondly at zechs*

Zechs: “I dedicate this song to Treize.” *smiles fondly at treize*

(they start singing ‘I got you babe’….and then it ends…but…)

Treize: “How about we sing another, Zechs?”

Zechs: “Sure!”

Treize: “I dedicate this song to Zechs.” *smiles fondly at zechs*

Zechs: “I dedicate this song to Treize.” *smiles fondly at treize*

Sephiroth: *checks the time* “11:30…”

Zell: *mouth full of plastic* “Seifer, this doesn’t taste very good.”

Seifer: “Come on, chicken wuss–you’ve almost got that glory!”

Ward: “……………….”

Kiros: “You know, I think Ward is Jewish.”

Laguna: “No he’s not. He would have told us if he was.”

Ward: “……………”

Kiros: “I’m telling you, Ward says he’s Jewish!”

Laguna: “Stop putting words in his mouth, Kiros!”

(25 minutes later treize and zechs are still singing. every other duet seems to be ‘i’ve got you babe’. nida, seifer, heero and ward–who turned out to be jewish–lit the menorah. reno is still drinking the egg nog, sephiroth is still sulking, wufei is still trying to get tinsel out of his hair, and zell still has that unpleasant plastic taste in his mouth)

Irvine: “Hey, what happened to the mistletoe that was hanging over the tree?”

Zell: “I ate it.”

Irvine: “Very funny.”

Zell: “No, I really did. Seifer dared me too.”

Irvine: “….You ate plastic.”

Zell: “Seifer said it was the poison. But I’m still here!”

Irvine: *hand to his head*

Sephiroth: “Those two had better get off the karaoke machine! It’s almost midnight!! They’ve sung ‘I’ve got you babe’ more times than Twilight can count, and they’ve dedicated every song to each other!!”

Twilight: “I can count to five!”

Opal: *pats him on the arm* “Very good, Twilight!”

Vincent: “Angel, why not nicely ask them to let you use it?”

Sephiroth: “I can ask, but it might not be nice.” *goes over* “Hey, guys, can I use the karaoke machine?”

Treize: “Sorry, hon, but we’re not done using it.”

Sephiroth: “But I really want to use it.”

Zechs: “Don’t worry, cutie. You’ll get your chance.”

Sephiroth: “Cutie?”

Treize: *into the mic* “Okay, everyone, this one is for Zechs.”

Zechs: “And I would like to dedicate this song to Treize.”

Sephiroth: “Oh give me a break!” *stomps away angrily*

(treize and zechs start singing ‘don’t go breaking my heart as the clock strikes twelve)

Sephiroth: “I don’t believe this! They’re singing our song!”

Vincent: “This isn’t our song, angel.”

Sephiroth: “Not *our* song! Me and Lark’s song!”

Twilight: “Me and Opal’s song is ‘Star Wars Cantina’.”

Opal: “No it isn’t!!”

Sephiroth: “This Christmas sucks!!” *stalks out*

(several minutes later the gw guys announce that they have to go, and so they say good-bye to everyone and leave, wufei still picking tinsel out of his hair)

Lark: *looks around* “Where’s Sephiroth?”

Vincent: “Um, he left.”

Lark: *frowns* “Um, okay… Well, tomorrow we’re exchanging present at 7 a.m sharp, so don’t bother to get dressed, just come in your p.j’s.”

Reno: “I can’t get up at 7 a.m with a hangover!”

Tseng: “You don’t *have* a hangover. There’s no alcohol in that.”

Reno: “Stop ruining my fantasy.”

Lark: “‘Night everyone! And I’ll see you all tomorrow!!”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

(……………………..amazingly enough, everyone seems to have assembled in the ramble room at 7 the next morning, even reno. and everyone is in their pajamas — cloud has ones with trains on them–and lark is counting to make sure everyone is here)

Lark: “Hmm… I think we’re missing someone…”

Shell: “Who cares!?! Let’s open presents!”

Lark: “No, wait! Where’s Irvine?”

(as if on cue–were you expecting him *not* to enter at this point?–irvine comes in…wearing…only his cowboy hat. and he seems to have no idea he’s naked either….)

Irvine: “Yee haw! Mornin’ everyone!”

Everyone: *blink*

Noelle: *jaw drops* “Looks like I got what I wanted for Christmas after all.”

Irvine: *clueless* “What?”

Lark: “Uh……………………”

Reno: *chuckling* “Uh… Irvine, man, you, uh, may wanna look down?”

Irvine: *looks down* “Oh, oops. Well, you said don’t get dressed! This is how I sleep.”

Sephiroth: *mutters* “Hmn. I’m not surprised.”

Irvine: “Heh heh… I better go put something on. Be right back.” *runs out*

JT: *waves a hand in front of Noelle’s eyes* “Um… Noelle?”

Noelle: *in a daze* “Wow…”

Lark: *snapping out of it* “Oh, yeah, when Irvine, uh, puts clothes on, we’ll open the presents.”

Ashley: “Damn. Did he really have to get dressed?”

Most of the guys: “Yes.”

Ashley: *garden snap*

(irvine returns and everyone starts opening their gifts…)

Shell: *opens gift from rude* “Wow! Rude! A diamond necklace, earrings and tennis bracelet!!” *smiles* “This must have been so expensive!”

Rude: “It was.”

Shell: *starts putting it all on* “Wow! Thanks!! This is much better than that crap Wufei gave me!”

Rude: “You’re welcome.” *long pause* “Um… Shell?”

Shell: *admiring herself in a mirror* “Yes?”

Rude: “Um… Did you get me anything?”

Shell: “Oh yeah.” *absently hands him a box* “Here you go.”

Rude: *opens the box and take out some red, lacy lingerie with white fur on it* “Um… Are you sure this is for me?”

Shell: “Yup!” *laughs* “Don’t worry, I don’t expect you to wear it! It’s for me! I’ll wear it, and make you happy! See?”

Rude: “Um… Can you put it on now?”

Shell: “Maybe later.”

Rude: *frowns*

(in the midst of all the gift giving, there is a knock at the door, and lark gets it)

Lark: “Oh, hi, Jake!”

Jake: “Hi, Lark. ….Is Katie here? I…um…bought her a present.”

Lark: “Sure! Come on in!!” *brings him over to Katie*

Jake: “Hi, Katie.”

Katie: “Hi, Jake.”

Jake: *hands her a gift* “This is for you.”

Katie: *takes it* “Thanks! I…have something for you too.”

Jake: *scratches the back of his neck* “Um… Katie, I was wondering if you would go out–”

Katie: *eagerly* “Sure!” *pause* “Oops!” *blushes* “Sorry…”

Jake: *laughs* “That’s okay. I’m just so relieved you said yes!”

Zidane: “Hey, Lark.”

Lark: “What’s up, sweetie?”

Zidane: “Vivi n’ Rusty n’ me all pitched in to get ya something.”

(steiner and vivi drag the messily wrapped package over)

Package: “Kupo!”

Lark: “Omg, is this what I think it is?” *she opens it and it’s a moogle* “Aw, it is! It’s a moogle!”

Moogle: “Hello, Kupo!”

Zidane: “It’s name is Kupo, Kupo.” *pause* “Aw, dammit, I’m starting to talk like it!”

Lark: “Aw, it’s so cute! I love it! Thanks, guys!”

Sephiroth: *mutters* “Great. Another stupid, furry, useless waste of space.”

Irvine: “Here’s what I got ya, Lark.” *hands it to her with a wink*

Lark: *takes it* “Um, thanks Irvine.” *opens up and sees whipped cream and a box of…something else* “Oh…” *sweat drops* “Oh, thanks…Irvine.”

Irvine: “We can put it to use later.” *wink*

Lark: “Uh…okay…”

Sephiroth: *shoves irvine aside* “Here, Lark!! I got you something!!” *hands her a big box*

Lark: *opens it* “OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A PLAYSTATION2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” *grabs seph and kisses him* “THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!”

Sephiroth: *blushes* “Heh, you’re welcome, Lark.”

Lark: “Omg, I’m gonna go plug it in and play a game on it right now!! Come on!!” *grabs his hand and runs out*

Reeve: “Hey… We never found out what Lark got Sephiroth for Christmas.”

Vincent: “…I don’t think it matters. I think he got what he wanted.”

Reno: *holding up a glass of egg nog* “Happy Christmas everyone! And a merry new year too!!”

Tseng: “Reno, you are *not* drunk.”

Reno: “Sez you.”

Zell: “Hey, how come Nida and them didn’t show up? It’s still Christmas and stuff.”

Squall: “Whatever.”

(cut to outside where the losers are too busy playing in the snow. heidegger and scarlet are making a snow man, hojo is writing ‘i love kuja’ in the snow with a stick, nida is making a snow angel, and kuja is trying to see his reflection in an icicle)

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! I like snow!”

Scarlet: “I like Christmas.”

Hojo: “Yes, but did you really have to get us *all* tiddly winks for Christmas, Heidegger?”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! It’s better than the kelp you handed out!”

Hojo: “Hey! I had to special order that!”

Scarlet: “My present was the best. One free night for each of you.”

Hojo: “Some of us don’t want it.”

Scarlet: “Too bad.”

Nida: “Wheee!!! I’m an angel!”

Kuja: “No, I am an angel.”

Nida: “No, I am!!”

Kuja: “I am!!!”

(suddenly the window in the tv room opens and sephiroth pokes his head out)

Sephiroth: “*I’m* the only angel here, okay! Now keep it down out there! Lark and I are busy!!” *slams the window shut*

Hojo: *gasp* “What’s my son doing with that girl!?”

(they all sneak over and peak through the window. lark is sitting on the floor, playing the PS2 and sephiroth sits beside her with an arm around her waist)

Nida: “That’s not busy!!”

Kuja: “Let’s sing a song!!!”

Heidegger: “Gya haa haa! Yes!”

Hojo, Kuja, Heidegger, and Scarlet: “Hark! the herald angels sing–Glory to the newborn King—peace on earth, and mercy mild—God and sinners reconcile—Joyful, all ye nations, rise, join the triumph of the skies;—-with the angelic host proclaim,—‘Christ is born in Bethlehem’—Hark! the herald angels sing,—Glory to the newborn King.”

Nida: *pouting* “Yeah, and Happy Hanukah to me.”

THE END

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