#38 – What Boredom Will Drive You To

Cloud: “I can sum it all up in two words: Free Willy.”

Originally Published: 10/10/00 . 22 pages

Playing the Newlywed Game can’t possibly go wrong, can it?

Ramble Milestones
Nothing this time.

Nothing too exciting in this ramble, except for the ending, and the fact that Reeve knows more about Tseng than his current girlfriend. When I wrote this I did not have the ending planned – it was just one of those things that happened.

(lark, sephiroth, reno, noelle, shell, rude, ashley, seifer, rinoa, squall, cloud, tifa, irvine, rufus, twilight, opal, reeve, tseng, elena, bria, lizzie and laguna are all in the ramble room, looking bored as they always are….)

Lark: “The ramble room is crowded today.”

Ashley: “Yeah, it’s usually not this crowded when Sephiroth is here.”

Sephiroth: “That’s because I’m too cool for everyone.”

Lark: “Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.”

Reeve: “So how are you now, Rude?”

Rude: *sighs* “Much better…….but sometimes I still find myself craving that lemonade.”

Rufus: *sweat drops* “Well I paid for your time at rehab!”

Reno: “Well you *did* send him there!”

Rufus: “…..So anyway….” *grins* “My mall is doing great!”

Lizzie: “I thought your weapon collection was fascinating, Laguna.”

Laguna: “I’m glad you liked it. I especially like collecting gunblades, because that’s what my lovely *son* uses!” *arm around squall*

Squall: *looks very unhappy* “Get your arm off me. And don’t call me lovely.”

Rinoa: “Aw! I think it’s so cute, Squall!”

Squall: *eyes narrow* “Don’t encourage him, Rinoa.”

Noelle: *frowns* “We’re outta liquor….” *pushes reno, whining* “Re*no*! We’re outta alcohol!”

Reno: “I know, sexy. It sucks.”

Reeve: “It’s always alcohol with you people.”

Reno: “You *people*?! What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Shell: “Ooh! Ooh! I know something we can do!” *pulls out the newlywed game* “I just bought it!”

Bria: “But no one here is married….”

Shell: “So what? Pair up! I’m with Rude!”

Reno: “I’m with sexy!”

Noelle: *giggles* “I love you, Reno.”

Seifer: “Well I’m with Ashley, of course!”

Tifa: “I get Cloud!” *grabs onto cloud*

Cloud: “Huh?”

Rinoa: “Me and Squall are a team.”

Ashley: “You’re going down, crack whore.”

Rinoa: “Hey….”

Lizzie: “I’m with Laguna, obviously.”

Twilight: “Me and Opal are gonna kill all of you!”

Opal: “That’s not nice, Twily.”

Elena: “I’m with Tseng!”

Tseng: “But I know nothing about you….” *looks at reeve*

Elena: “Sure you do! We work together!”

Tseng: *sighs* “Fine….”

Bria: “Reeve and I will be a team.”

Shell: “Okay, how about you, Lark?”

Rufus: “Come on, Lark! I’m the richest!”

Irvine: “I’m the coolest!”

Sephiroth: “I have the biggest sword!” *claps a hand over his mouth*

Lark: *thinks* “Hmmm…..well….I wanna win…..so…..I’ll go with Sephiroth, cause he probably knows a little more about me than you two.” *frowns* “Sorry.”

Irvine: “Well what do we do now? I don’t want to be paired with Rufus! That’s gay!”

Tseng: *looks up* “Huh?”

Elena: *smacks herself in the forehead* “I’m seeing things…I’m seeing things…”

Shell: “You and Mr. Money bags can be the hosts.”

Rufus: *thoughtfully* “Mr. Money bags, huh? Hmm…I like that nickname…”

Shell: “Here.” *shoves game into rufus arms* “Set it up.”

Rufus: “Ooh…”

Noelle: “So how do we play? Just answer the questions about each other, right?”

Shell: “Basically. You see, first the girls all leave and answer the questions. Then they come back and the guys answer the questions, trying to get the same answers. Usually then you switch, but I don’t expect to keep everyone’s attention for that long, so we’ll just play one round. “

Ashley: “Sounds easy enough.”

Sephiroth: “Lark and I are going to win!”

Seifer: “Not before me and Ashley!”

Reeve: “You’re already getting competitive and we haven’t even started yet.”

Rufus: “Okay, we’re ready to go.”

Irvine: “All you ladies come outside with me and answer some personal questions.” *wink*

Lark: “Gladly.” *winks*

Shell: *mutters* “You are such a whore.” *they go outside*

Rufus: *sighs* “So…..”

Seifer: “Can we bribe you so we win?”

Rufus: “No.”

Seifer: “Come on! I’ll give ya a hundred gil!” *takes it out and waves it in front of rufus’ face*

Laguna: “Hey hey! That’s not fair!”

Rufus: “I can’t cheat in this game anyway. I can’t rig the girls answers! They’ll correct me!” *pause* “Then beat me.” *turns, glares at turks* “And I probably won’t have anyone to protect me.”

Turks: *look away*

(the girls and irvine come back in)

Irvine: “Alrighty. We are ready and rarein’ to go.” *wink*

Lark: *giggles* “You are too cute, Irvine.”

Sephiroth: *pulls her down next to him* “You’re mine.”

Reno: *snorts* “You wish.”

Irvine: “All right, all right. Let’s get to the questions!” *hands rufus a sheet of paper*

Rufus: *looks it over, sweat drops* “That’s the first question?”

Irvine: *grins* “I like this game.”

Rufus: *sweat drops* “Okay, here’s the first question. On a scale of 1-10 how important is sex to you?”

Reno: “EAS-Y!”

Rufus: “You first, Rude.”

Rude: “Ten.”

Rufus: “Right.”

Shell: “Yay!” *kisses rude*

Rufus: “Reno? Your answer?”

Reno: *laughs* “I know my girl.” *grins, arm around Noelle* “Ten.”

Rufus: “Right.”

Noelle: “Hooray!” *kisses reno*

Rufus: “All right, Seifer.”

Seifer: “Easy one. Ten.”

Rufus: “Right!”

Ashley: “Good job.” *kisses seifer*

Rufus: *sighs* “Cloud?”

Cloud: “Huh?”

Reno: “Hold on a minute!” *takes out his flask and pours the liquor down cloud’s throat* “Now ask.”

Rufus: “Cloud, on a scale of 1-10 how important is sex to Tifa?”

Cloud: *sweat drops* “A 2?”

Rufus: “No, I’m sorry. It was a 6.”

Tifa: “Cloud! We’re childhood friends! You should know this!”

Cloud: “Exactly! We were friends, not lovers!”

Tifa: *frowns* “Yeah. Go ahead and remind me.”

Rufus: “Squall?”

Squall: “Whatever.”

Rinoa: *pokes him* “Answer the question, Squall!”

Squall: “Um……a 9?”

Rinoa: “A 9?! Squall!!”

Rufus: “Sorry. She said a 5.”

Squall: “A 5! Rinoa! What the @#$%’s wrong with you?!”

Rinoa: *gasps* “Squall!”

Squall: “…Sorry.”

Rufus: “You’re up, Laguna.”

Laguna: *deep in thought* “Hmmm…I’m not sure.”

Rufus: “Well just guess. We haven’t got all day.”

Laguna: *looks Lizzie over* “I think a 6.”

Lizzie: *head in her hands* “Oh boy.”

Rufus: “Sorry. She said ten.”

Laguna: “Ten!” *sweat drops*

Lizzie: “Grrrrrr….”

Rufus: “Twily, we’re up to you.”

Twilight: *clenches fist* “You’re dead! I *hate* that nickname!”

Opal: “Twilight! Answer the question!”

Twilight: “Easy one. A 6.”

Rufus: “Right!”

Twilight: *grins* “I know my Opal.” *kisses opal*

Opal: *giggles* “I love you, Twilight.”

Rufus: “Okay, Tseng.”

Tseng: *pouts* “I don’t know.”

Elena: “Come on, Tseng!” *cuddles up to him* “What do *you* think?”

Tseng: “Um……a…..4?”

Elena: “A four!” *hits him* “Do you know anything about me?!”

Tseng: “Elena…”

Elena: “Sorry, Tseng.” *rubs the spot where she hit him* “Didn’t mean it.”

Rufus: “No…she said a 9…..your turn Reeve.”

Reeve: *sweat drops* “I really don’t know.”

Rufus: “Reeve, if you don’t answer, you’re fired.”

Reeve: “An 8?”

Bria: *sighs*

Rufus: “She said a 7.”

Reeve: *snaps fingers* “Damn, just missed.”

Rufus: *suppresses laugh* “Okay…..’Roth…” *chuckles*

Sephiroth: *glares* “I think I know the answer, Rufy.”

Lark: *sweat drops* “You do?”

Rufus: *surprised* “You do?”

Sephiroth: “Ten.”

Rufus: *blinks in surprise* “Yeah….he’s right.”

Irvine: *shocked* “Wow….”

Lark: “Sephy!” *hugs him* “How did you know?”

Sephiroth: *mumbles* “Half wishful thinking, half from reading your diary.”

Lark: “Huh? Did you say something?”

Sephiroth: “No.”

Rufus: “Next question. What is your girl’s favorite color?”

Reno: “Real questions?! What the hell is this?!”

Rufus: *shrugs* “I’m just reading off the card. Come on, Rude.”

Rude: “Pink.”

Shell: “Whoo hoo!” *kisses rude*

Rufus: “Right….obviously. Reno?”

Reno: *sweat drops* “Um….”

Noelle: “Come on, Reno!!”

Reno: “I know this!” *nervous laughter* “Purple?”


Reno: *shielding his head* “Ow! Okay, okay! Now I know!”

Rufus: *edges away* “Okay….Seifer?”

Seifer: “Sh*t.”

Ashley: “Seifer! That potty mouth!”

Seifer: *whines* “I don’t know!!”

Ashley: “You *should*!”

Seifer: “Um…..gray?”

Rufus: “No!”

Ashley: *pouts* “Jerk.”

Seifer: “Well you *should* have the same favorite color as me!”

Rufus: “Whatever….Cloud?”

Cloud: “Tifa likes blue.”

Rufus: “Correct.”

Tifa: *hugs cloud* “Hooray!”

Cloud: *smiles* “I am smart.”

Rufus: “You’re up, Squall.”

Squall: *scratches his head* “Um…..light blue.”

Rinoa: “Yes!! Go Squall!”

Rufus: “Uh-huh….Laguna?”

Laguna: *grins confidently* “Black.”

Rufus: “Right.”

Lizzie: “Yes! Laguna rocks!”

Laguna: *blushes* “Well….I *am* President of Esthar…”

Rufus: “Twily?”

Twilight: *twitch* “That *name*! And it’s pink, dammit!”

Opal: “Tee hee! Yup!” *kisses twilight*

Rufus: *dryly* “Yeah. And is anyone surprised?” *sighs* “Tseng?”

Tseng: *mutters* “I know Reeve’s…”

Rufus: “Well that’s not going to help you. I need Elena’s.”

Tseng: “Um….” *looks her over* “I don’t know….” *shrugs* “White?”

Elena: “White?! Where the hell did you get that idea?!”

Rufus: “No, sorry, it was purple.”

Tseng: “I don’t know! I told you I didn’t know anything about you!”

Rufus: “Reeve?”

Reeve: “Um……pink, right?”

Rufus: “Wrong. Red.”

Reeve: “Red?”

Bria: *sighs* “Yes.”

Reeve: “Oops.”

Rufus: “‘Roth?”

Sephiroth: “Black.”

Lark: “I love you, Sephy-sama!” *hugs him*

Sephiroth: *eyes light up* “Really?!”

Lark: “Well cause we’re winning, yeah.”

Sephiroth: *frowns* “Oh.”

Irvine: “All right, only 8 more questions to go!!”

(6 questions later….)

Rufus: *looks tired* “Okay…the next question is, what is your girl’s favorite Movie, Book and Animal. No partial credit.”

Seifer: “Aw, sh*t.”

Ashley: “Seifer!”

Rufus: “Rude.”

Rude: *immediately* “Interview with a Vampire, Redcoat and horse.”

Rufus: *blinks in surprise* “Yeah!”

Shell: *blinks in surprise* “Wow, Rude….”

Reno: *tries to hide behind Noelle*

Rufus: “Nice try, Reno. You’re up.”

Reno: *sweat drops* “Heh heh…no problem. Um….why it’s….um….The Sixth Sense, Lord of the Flies, and puppies?”

Rufus: *laughs* “You didn’t get *any* of them right!”


Reno: *cowers* “Well the rest were all hard ones!!”

Noelle: *annoyed sigh* “Baka.”

Rufus: *in a sing song voice* “Oh Seiferly!”

Seifer: *glares* “Shut up, jackass.”

Rufus: “Your answers….??”

Seifer: “I haven’t a @#$% idea.”

Ashley: “Seifer! That mouth! And you suck! You’re a crappy boyfriend!”

Seifer: “What! I know just as much as Reno!”

Rufus: “Okay, forget him. Cloud?”

Cloud: “I can sum it all up in two words: Free Willy.”

Rufus and Tifa: “NANI?!”

Rufus: “That is *so* wrong!”

Tifa: “Cloud!”

Cloud: *hangs head* “I was trying to be clever…”

Rufus: “Squall?”

Squall: “Do I have to?”

Rinoa: “Yes!”

Squall: *sighs* “Whatever…” *thinks* “Um…Ghost, Brave New World and dogs.”

Rufus: “Sorry. You were wrong about the book.”

Rinoa: “Squall! How could you!? You know Brave New World is my *second* favorite book!!”

Squall: *sighs* “Sorry…”

Rufus: “Okay, Laguna, you’ve gotten every question right so far. Do you know the answer to this one?”

Laguna: *puts an arm around Lizzie* “I sure do! That would be The Princess Bride, Heir to the Shadows and a wolf.”

Lizzie: “All right!” *kisses laguna*

Rufus: *mutters* “He’s cheating somehow.”

Irvine: *yawns* “Let’s get on with it.”

Rufus: *sighs* “Twily the horror?”

Twilight: *twitch* “I can’t work when he keeps calling me that!”

Opal: *pets him* “Just think real hard, Twily.”

Twilight: *sighs* “Star Wars: Return of the Jedi, Shadows of the Empire and fluffy white puppies.”

Rufus: *blinks* “Wow. Word for word.”

Irvine: *laughs* “You like fluffy white puppies *too*, Twilight?”

Twilight: *seethes* “I kill fluffy white puppies. *AND* stupid cowboys who don’t know how to keep their mouths shut.”

Irvine: *stops laughing and cowers* “Shutting up.”

Opal: “That’s not nice, Twilight.”

Twilight: “I know! But I shut him up!”

Rufus: *heaves a sigh* “Oh no. It’s Tseng’s turn.”

Tseng: “I have no idea.”

Elena: “Tseng!”

Tseng: “I could tell you Reeve’s.”

Elena: *covers her ears* “Stop it, stop it, stop it!”

Rufus: “Fine. Saves my time. Reeve? Am I wasting my time on you too? I know more about Bria than you do!”

Reeve: “Well, if you asked me what she thought of Shinra–“

Rufus: “That’s enough. Answer the question.”

Reeve: *deep in thought* “Um…..Braveheart, The Sun Also Rises and tigers.”

Rufus: “Ha ha! You suck! Wrong on the animal!”

Reeve: *hangs his head* “We don’t spend enough time talking about normal stuff.”

Bria: *strokes his hair* “It’s okay, Reeve. You got most of it right.”

Rufus: “‘Roth! You’ve done eerily well.”

Lark: *laughs* “Yeah! It’s almost like you’ve been stalking me!”

Sephiroth: *sweat drops* “Heh heh….like I would do that….heh heh….”

Rufus: “Well….?”

Sephiroth: *thinks* “This is a tough one. But I’m going to say Nightmare Before Christmas, They Cage the Animals at Night and skunks.”

Rufus: “That’s some off the wall stuff.”

Lark: “I didn’t expect you to know any of that!” *kisses sephy on the cheek*

Sephiroth: *blushes* “Well….you know….”

Irvine: “Last question!” *mutters* “Thank goodness….”

Rufus: “Okay, men….or is that too generous?” *laughs*

Reno: “Just get to the question, baka!”

Rufus: *glares* “You’re fired!”

Reno: “Whoo hoo!!”

Rufus: “No you’re not. I take it back.”

Reno: *garden snap* “Dammit!”

Rufus: “Last question. What is the name of your girl’s first grade teacher?”

Guys: “WHAT THE @#$^!^%!^!!?!?”

Irvine: *leans back in his chair* “Good luck.”

Rude: *sweat drops* “Um….Mrs….Smith?”

Shell: “Rude! No! You let me down!”

Rude: *hangs head* “I’m a bad boyfriend.”

Rufus: *laughs* “That ruins your perfect record! Reno, should I bother?”

(Noelle hides a pen behind her back)

Reno: *squinting at his hand* “Um….Ms….um….Lantz.” *smiles*

Noelle: “That’s right!”

Rufus: “You cheated!” *grabs reno’s hand to see the name written on his hand* “You had her write it down!”

Reno: “Aw, crap.”

Rufus: “No points for you.”

Noelle: *pouts* “This is your fault! You told me to cheat!”

Reno: “We *needed* to cheat! You know, if they asked you about your favorite *booze* we wouldn’t have a problem!”

Rufus: “Sucks to be you. Seifer? Still trying to cling on to your losing title?”

Seifer: *pouting* “This game sucks!”

Ashley: “No. *You* just suck!”

Seifer: “Stop being mean!”

Rufus: “Um…forget them. Cloud?”

Tifa: “Come on, Cloud! We were in the same class!”

Cloud: *scratches his head* “Huh? Class?”

Tifa: “Oh no! The booze wore off! Give him more!”

Reno: *searching through his pockets* “Sorry. All out.”

Tifa: “Oh no!”

Cloud: “Who are you?”

Rufus: “Too bad.” *pause* “Why am I acting like I care?”

Irvine: “Squall?”

Rufus: “That’s my job!” *clears throat, smiles and says pleasantly* “Squall?”

Squall: “Whatever.”

Rufus: “Is that your final answer?”

Rinoa: “SQUALL!!”

Squall: “Whatever.”

Rufus: “I take that as a yes. You lose.”

Rinoa: “That’s it, Squall! I’m dumping you for Zell!”

Squall: “No you’re not.”

Rinoa: *pouts* “No. I’m not. But I’m not going to let you feed Angelo for week.’

Squall: *hangs head* “You’re cruel.”

Rufus: “Laguna? Do even you know that?”

Laguna: “Sure do. Mrs. Cohen!”

Rufus and Irvine: *jaws fall to the floor*

Lizzie: “Laguna! You’re the best boyfriend ever!!” *pounces on laguna and starts making out with him*

Rinoa: “Doesn’t that creep you out, Squall? That a girl your age is not only *dating* your father, but making out with him right in front of you?”

Squall: *shrugs* “Whatever.”

Rufus: “I…don’t….believe it. He got *every* question right. And they haven’t even been going out long.”

Irvine: “Makes you wonder….” *in amazement* “That must actually *talk*.”

Rufus: “Wow….” *shakes head* “Anyway, there’s still hope for one more couple.” *looks at tseng, elena, bria and reeve* “You guys suck. You should be ashamed.  Bria, you picked a loser with no memory.”

Reeve: “Hey! I can remember stuff! I know stuff about Tseng!”

Rufus: “That’s another thing. Why don’t you guys stop annoying everyone else and just hook up, okay? It’s not funny anymore.”

Tseng: *growls* “What are you talking about, *RUFUS*.” *death glare*

Rufus: “Anyway, we’ll just skip to ‘Roth. ‘Roth?”

Sephiroth: *head in his hands deep in thought* “Um……”

Rufus: “Come on, ‘Roth! Prove you’re a good stalker.”

Lark: *laughs* “You’re funny, Rufus!”

Sephiroth: *glares at rufus* “Yeah….he’s a real barrel of laughs.”

Rufus: *smiles* “Well?”

Sephiroth: “Um….Mrs. Fisherman.”

Rufus: “Ooh! No! It was Mrs. Mayse.”

Sephiroth: “OH NO! I KNEW THAT!” *buries his head in his hands*

Lark: *tries to comfort him* “It’s okay, Sephy-sama! You did really well!”

Rufus: “Lizzie and Laguna win! Isn’t that sad?”

Reno: “Who cares! I know my Noelle likes to drink! Come on, sexy. Let’s go to a bar!”

Noelle: “I love you, Reno.”

(they leave. Ashley drags seifer to his feet)

Ashley: “Come on, Seifer.”

Seifer: *sniff* “Where are we going?” *sniff*

Ashley: “To my room.”

Seifer: “To do what?”

Ashley: “To teach you a thing or two.”

Seifer: *sweat drops*

(they leave. tifa and cloud go to leave too)

Tifa: “I’m disappointed in you, Cloud.”

Cloud: “Huh?”

(they leave. rinoa and squall head for the door)

Squall: “Can I feed Angelo?”

Rinoa: “No.”

Squall: “Please?”

Rinoa: “No.”

Squall: “Pretty please?”

Rinoa: “No.”

(Lizzie and Laguna, still attached, get to their feet)

Lizzie: “Let’s take this somewhere else.”

Laguna: “Hey hey! Okay!”

(they leave. rude gets up, still hanging his head)

Shell: “You should be ashamed of yourself, Rude. We came in second! And we were tied!”

Rude: “I’m sorry. I’ll try harder.”

Shell: “You damn well better!!”

(they leave. elena and bria start talking and leave. reeve and tseng look at each other)

Reeve: “Um……..”

Tseng: “Yeah………..uh……….”

Rufus: *chuckles* “Can’t you feel the sexual tension?”

Tseng: *glares at rufus* “Grrrrrr…..”

Reeve: *scratches the back of his head* “I don’t get it.”

Tseng: *takes him by the arm* “Let’s go, Reeve.”

(they leave.)

Irvine: *sarcasm* “Well this was exciting….” *wanders out*

Rufus: *laughs* “It was funny to see how little everyone else knows. Now I better go make sure my back issue of Dictator Weekly came in.” *rubs his hands together and leaves*

Lark: *patting sephy’s shoulder* “It’s okay, Sephiroth. I like to win too. But we came in second! That’s something to be happy about!”

Sephiroth: “Stupid Rude! Thinks I wanna be like him!”

Lark: *looks confused* “Uh….yeah…” *strokes his hair* “If it makes you feel any better, I’m really proud that you knew that much about me!”

Sephiroth: *looks up* “Really?”

Lark: “Yeah! You knew pretty much everything! I’m impressed! I mean, look at the other guys. I mean all Reno knows is where Noelle ranks sex, what her favorite drink is, and what bra size she wears.”

Sephiroth: *mutters* “Not that I don’t know those things either…”

Lark: “Did you say something?”

Sephiroth: *urgently* “No!”

Lark: “Hehe. You’re so cute, Sephy-sama….” *leans in*

Sephiroth: *leans in to kiss her* “Oh yes….”

Seifer’s voice: *really really loudly* “OH, YES, Ashley!!!!”

Lark: *stops where she is sweat drops* “….Could it be *any* more obvious what *they’re* doing?”

Sephiroth: *draws his cape around himself sweat drops* “Yeah….heh heh….”

Lark: *backs off* “Anyway…I was just….”

Sephiroth: “I’m not letting you go again!” *grabs her shoulders and kisses her deeply*

(and kisses her and kisses her and kisses her….holding her close against her by the shoulders until he has no air left and then he backs off, panting)

Sephiroth: “There.”

Lark: *blinks in surprise* “Sephiroth?” *looks at him questioningly*

Sephiroth: *panics* “Um….Lark…I….”

Lark: *prodding him along* “Yes….?”

Sephiroth: *runs a hand through his hair* “I….um…gotta go…..” *runs out*

Lark: *blinks in amazement* “What was that all about?” *she goes over to the couch and falls asleep*

(the next morning….lark is still asleep on the couch in the ramble room when vincent enters timidly. he lightly pokes her with his finger and she wakes up slowly)

Lark: “Vincent? What time is it?”

Vincent: “It is 9 A.M.”

Lark: “Oh damn. I must have been really tired.” *sits up* *puts a hand to her head and thinks* “Oh yeah…Sephiroth kissed me last night….and then he just left…it was so weird….”

Vincent: “I was just going to ask you about Sephiroth.”

Lark: *looks at vincent* “Why? Is something wrong?”

Vincent: “Well kind of…” *looks away from her*

Lark: *gets to her feet and takes vincent by the shoulders* “What?! What happened?! Take me to him!”

Vincent: *meets her eyes* “That’s just it. I can’t. Sephiroth is gone.”

to be continued….

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