#34 – Sephiroth’s Date With Destiny

Sephiroth: “Everything’s coming up Sephiroth today!”

Originally Published: 9/28/00 . 35 pages

Synopsis
Sephiroth finally has a date alone with Lark! Will it go well or will he blow it? The gang is bound to find out!

Ramble Milestones
-Sephiroth apparently loves St. Patrick’s day!

I didn’t write this one – it was written by a combination of people. I gave them the storyline and they ran with it. I was very happy with the results, although I did have to write a ramble to tie up some loose ends, which explains the next ramble. There are a few things I personally wouldn’t have done if I wrote it, but it’s interesting to see how other people portray the characters, and I think they did a very good job.

(The ramble room: It is empty except for the ‘Letters Team’. Irvine, Rufus, and Reno are pointing at a letter and laughing, Reeve is trying to be nice and telling them to stop, and Sephiroth is whining. Zell is practicing his martial arts skills on the wall.)

Zell: *kicking wall* “Oh yeah! Don’t want to see me really mad, do ya!?”

Sephiroth: *taking out masamune* “Don’t kick Lark’s precious walls!”

Rufus: *snorts* “Yeah, don’t make him summon meteor!”

Sephiroth: “That’s it-” *begins to chase Rufus, then stops and slumps* “Ah, screw it.”

Rufus: *grinning proudly* “See Reno? I told you I put on a little muscle. Even Sephiroth’s scared of me.”

Sephiroth: *hitting Rufus with masamune* “Shut up! Can’t you see I’m depressed?”

Reno: *exchanging looks with Irvine* “Don’t look at me, he hasn’t been anywhere near my booze.”

Rufus: “Hey! Ow! You owe me 399 HP! Maybe we would be more sympathetic to your Lark problem if you stopped beating us up!”

Sephiroth: “There is no Lark problem. I hate Lark. Shut up.”

Zell: “Yo, I saw the way you were hitting on Lark when we were going out. You’ve got it for her bad.” *laughing and nudging Reeve* “Too bad she hates him, right?”

Sephiroth: “She does not! I will kill all of you!”

Reeve: “Why don’t you just ask her out?”

Rufus: “C’mon Reeve, Lark may be a little slutty, but she has taste.”

Zell: *smiling* “That’s right. That’s why she went out with me!”

Irvine: “Never mind then….maybe she would go out with you….”

Rufus: *snorting* “Only if she didn’t know it was you!”

Sephiroth: *charging at Rufus* “That’s it! You’re dead!” *grabs Rufus by the collar*

Rufus: “Ack! Reno! Help!”

Reno: *takes a large sip from his flask*

Irvine: “Your boss needs you, Reno.”

Reno: “In a minute, my friend, in a minute.”

Rufus: “I hate you, Reno! You’re really fired!”

Sephiroth: “Wait a minute- what did you say about her not knowing it was me?”

Rufus: *sobbing* “Nothing, I was kidding! Really! She would definitely go out with you!”

Sephiroth: “Stop groveling!” *drops Rufus* “I just had an idea.”

Irvine: *whispering to Reeve* “Call the papers, it’s a miracle.”

Sephiroth: “I heard that!” *clears throat* “Anyway, I think that Lark would go out with me if she didn’t know it was me.”

Zell: “What? Are you going to buy a hat and some sunglasses and call yourself Htorihpes?”

Sephiroth: “What? No, you idiots! I want her to go on a blind date with me.”

Reeve: “I don’t think that’s a good idea….”

Sephiroth: “Of course it is! She won’t know it’s me. Just tell her that you know a guy that would be perfect for her and get her to meet me at a restaurant. Then I’ll pretend to be shocked and enraged at you people, and I’ll get my date.”

Reeve: “Sounds deceptive…”

Sephiroth: “Shut up!”

Reeve: “And who’s going to set you guys up?”

Sephiroth: “Hm….who’s innocently stupid enough….that Lark trusts…?”

Zell: “Hey look! Someone dropped some Gil!” *reaches down for the coin, smacking his head on the table* “Ow dammit! I’ll teach you!” *punches table and picks up coin* “Hey…it wasn’t Gil after all….just lint…”

Sephiroth: “That was an easy choice….Zell! Zell, you are hooking me up with Lark!”

Zell: *sweat drops* “Do I have to?”

Sephiroth: “The masamune said yes. Do you want to argue with the masamune?”

Zell: *shaking head* “No! Alright, fine. But you owe me big!”


(The Ramble Room later that day. It is empty except for Lark, Noelle, Shell, and Ashley.)

Shell: *staring at bottle of nail polish* “I miss Rude…I have no one’s nails to paint”

Lark: “Hey! What about me? For the first time in a year I have no one to make out with! Where are the guys?”

Ashley: *sighing* “I don’t know, but they better be buying us expensive gifts…”

Noelle: “I need some booze…”

(Zell enters looking timid)

Lark: “Hey Zell, wanna make out?”

Shell: “Hiya Zell, can I paint your nails?”

Ashley: “Zell, baby! Did you bring me something?”

Noelle: “Zell, got any booze?”

Zell: *sweat drops* “Uh…sorry girls…”

Lark: “Where are the guys?”

Zell: “Nowhere…” *coughing* “Can I talk to you in private?”

Lark: *whining* “I don’t want to get off the couch!” *turns to other girls* “You guys leave.”

All Girls: *grumble grumble*

Lark: “So what’s up?”

Zell: *looking nervous* “Right. Well I know this friend…”

Lark: *smiling knowingly* “And does this ‘friend’ wanna make out with me?”

Zell: “Who doesn’t? Anyway, this friend is just perfect for you and I think you guys should go on a date.”

Lark: *frowning* “That’s sweet, Zell, but we’re broken up.”

Zell: “It’s not me! I swear! I want you to go on a blind date with my friend.”

Lark: “Is he hot?”

Zell: *shuddering* “Other people think so.”

Lark: *shrugging* “Alright, I guess so.”

Zell: *relieved* “Whew, thanks. Meet him at eight at Marios. Gotta go, bye!”

Lark: “Hey wait! Where are the guys?” *leaves*


(The Ramble Room, Seven at night. All the guys are there.)

Rufus: *singing* “Sephy’s got a da-ate!”

Sephiroth: “Call me that again and I’ll kill you.”

Vincent: “Easy, angel.”

Sephiroth: *whispering* “Not here for the last time!”

Zell: “Hey, Sephiroth! Want me to braid your hair? Ha ha ha!- ow!” *9999 hit points appear above his head and he falls over*

Irvine: “Oh crap. I’m out of phoenix downs.”

Sephiroth: *smiling* “Everything’s coming up Sephiroth today!”

Irvine: “Wait! Squall has some!” *revives Zell*

Sephiroth: “Crap! Well, how do I look?”

Rude: “The same.”

Sephiroth: *frowning* “What do you mean ‘the same’! These are all new polished leather straps here!” *gestures at chest straps*

Rufus: “Maybe you should wear something a little less demonic for your date.”

Sephiroth: “No. Shut up.”

Rude: “Did you get her a gift?”

Sephiroth: *panicking* “No! Should I?”

Rufus: “Of course. That’s the only way I can get a chick at all!”

Sephiroth: “What should I get her?”

Rufus: “Well, I bought Bria this ring.” *holds up ring and grins*

Reeve: “Hey……Rufus…”

Rufus: *sweat drops* “Hehe….”

Sephiroth: *snatching ring* “Thanks, that’ll do great.”

Rufus: “Er, don’t mention it…”

Sephiroth: “Damn!”

Rude: “Now what?”

Sephiroth: “I need something to put it in…”

Rufus: *trying to console himself* “At least I still have the fuzzy box…”

Reeve: “Uh, Rufus…”

Sephiroth: *grabs it* “Don’t mind if I do!”

Rufus: *hangs his head* “Ohh…”

Sephiroth: *puts the ring in the box and grins* “There! Perfect! She’ll love it!”

Irvine: “Well, you got the present, but what about your etiquitte? After all, Marios is a high class place.”

Sephiroth: “What are you suggesting?! I have manners!” *coughs up some phlem and spits it out*

Rufus: “Gross!”

Reeve: “Er, maybe we should handle this…”

Irvine: “Not enough time….”

Rude: “He’s a lost cause anyway.”

Sephiroth: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” *scratches his ass*

Vincent: “Angel, try to be a little more charming than usual.”

Sephiroth: “Whatever. And don’t call me that!”

Zell: “Heh heh heh, you’re totally gonna ruin this date!”

Sephiroth: “That’s it!!!” *whacks Zell with masamune again, taking another whopping 9999 HP off*

Zell: “Gurgle, sputter…” *drops dead*

All except Sephy: *sweat drops*


*AT THE RESTAURANT AT 8:05…..*

(Lark is standing outside the restaurant looking quite lovely. She’s wearing a white sparkly dress which is cut… a little low, and a brand new pair of white satin stilettos. Her outfit is so clean *breathing* on it the wrong way might stain it. Did I mention she’s waiting ever-so-patiently?…)

Lark: *tapping foot* “Where the hell is this loser?! He’s five minutes late! He better be hot…”

(Out of the corner of her eye, Lark spots a tall figure coming towards her…)

Lark: *grumbles as she adjusts her dress. then she looks up…* “Sephy?!”

Sephiroth: *mock surprise* “Woman?! What are you doing here?”

Lark: “I have a blind date. He was *supposed* to be here at 8. Wait a minute…” *looks at Sephy suspiciously* “Did the guys send you to kill my date? Cuz if they did—”

Sephiroth: *cuts her off* “I don’t know what you’re talking about! I have a date too.”

Lark: *giggles* “Oh, really? With who?”

Sephiroth: *frowns* “I don’t see what’s so funny! I’m a good looking guy! Besides, I don’t know her. I was set up.”

Lark: “…Were you supposed to be here at 8?”

Sephiroth: *poorly acting* “Yes, why?”

Lark: “Sephy… I think you’re my date.”

Sephiroth: *winning an oscar for worst performance* “Really?! I suppose it could be true. But who would do such a thing?”

Lark: “The guys. They have this silly idea that you like me!” *laughs* “Isn’t that ridiculous?!”

Sephiroth: *sweat drop* “Yeah… crazy… so if you’re my date, do you still wanna have dinner?” *hopeful glance*

Lark: “Yeah, why not? At least I wouldn’t have gotten all dressed up for nothing.”

Sephiroth: *trying to hide his happiness* “I guess I don’t mind either. Lets go.”

(They enter the restautrant and they are seated at a small table in the corner of the restaurant. It’s a very pretty place, with candles and romantic lighting. Sephiroth seats Lark and then sits down across from her…)

Sephiroth: “Um… so… you look …nice.” *crosses his legs*

Lark: *smiles* “You too, Sephy! Are those new leather straps?”

Sephiroth: *beaming* “You noticed! Uh, I mean, yeah.”

Lark: “Where’s our waiter?” *looks around the crowded restaurant*

Sephiroth: “I’ll take care of it.” *stands up* “HEY!!! CAN WE GET SOME FREAKIN’ SERVICE OVER HERE?! DON’T MAKE ME SUMMON METEOR!”

(A frail, frightened waitress with short, blonde hair and a uniform which is too big for her scurries over, shaking…)

Waitress: “I- I’m terribly sorry, sir! I hope you weren’t waiting long! It’s my first night on the job and—”

Sephiroth: “Yeah yeah yeah, la di freakin’ da.”

Lark: *scowls* “Sephiroth!”

Waitress: *near tears* “I-I’m so sorry! My name is Emily and I’ll be your waitress this evening. Would you like to order some drinks?”

Sephiroth: “Yeah. Red wine. And make it snappy!”

Emily: “Eep! Yes, sir!” *she races away*

Sephiroth: “He he he! That was too easy! Did you see the way she was shaking, Lark? Wan’t that fu—” *turns to lark to see that she *isn’t* laughing*

Lark: “Sephy, that *wasn’t* nice!”

Sephiroth: *panicking* “Well, er, I was, uh, just kidding Lark! Really! Besides, what difference does it make? She’s just a waitress!”

Lark: *sighs* “You’re leaving her a big tip.”

Sephiroth: *grumbles*

(A few minutes later, Emily reurns…)

Emily: *starts to pour the wine* “A-are you ready to order?”

Lark: *smiles kindly* “Yes, I’ll have the house special, please.”

Emily: *turns to Sephy, and instantly starts to tremble* “And you, s-sir?”

Sephiroth: “Some kind of slaughtered livestock. And make sure it’s rare!”

Emily: *whimpers as she writes the order down and runs away*

Lark: *sighs and shakes her head*

Sephiroth: *thinks* Must initiate clever conversation… *says*  “I killed Zell twice today! I mean, crap!”

Lark: “You WHAT?!”

Sephiroth: “I said uh, I saw two mice today! Eh he …” *contemplates impaling himself on his salad fork*

Lark: “Oh, that’s … nice. I suppose.”

Sephiroth: *lightbulb* “I almost forgot, I got you something.”

(Sephy hands Lark the box with the ring in it. She opens it and her eyes nearly fall out)

Lark: “Oh, wow!!! This is gorgeous! You really shouldn’t have! It must have cost you a fortune!”

Sephiroth: *chuckles, quietly* “It didn’t set me back too much. So, you like it?”

Lark: “I love it!!! Thank you so much!” *she puts it on and kisses Sephy’s cheek*

Sehphiroth: *thinks* Score! *says* “Glad you like it, woman.”

(Emily returns a little while later with their food…)

Emily: *trying to shift the uncomfortably heavy tray* “I- I hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long…”

Sephiroth: *opens his mouth to say something, but is stopped by a stern look from Lark*

Lark: “No, not at all.”

Emily: *sigh of relief* “I’m glad.”

(She puts Lark’s order in front of her, knocking over her full glass of wine…)

Lark: “ACK!!!! My dress!!!!”

(Blots in vain at the huge red splotch on the front of her dress)

Emily: *bursts in to tears* “Oh, I’m soooo sorry!” *sob* “I’m gonna get fired for sure! I’m a terrible waitress!!!!”

Sephiroth: “Damn straight!”

Emily: *cries harder*

Lark: *trying to control her anger* “It’s ok… it’s just a dry-clean only Gucci original.” *smiles fakely*

Emily: *looks up, sniffle* “Y-you mean you’re not mad?”

Lark: *twitches* “Of course not. It was careless of me to leave my glass of wine full. Noelle always said chugging was best.”

Emily: *dries her eyes* “Really? Oh, thank you ever-so-much!”

Sephiroth: *mumbles* “If *I* had done that she would have killed me…”

Lark: *glares* “What was that, Sephy?”

Sephiroth: *gulp* “Nothing…”

(Emily finishes serving the food and retreats into the kitchen)

Lark: *realizes that the house special was a seafood platter* “Oh, Sephy, would you please hand me the fish knife?”

Sephiroth: *looks down at the many different utensils and realizes he has no idea which is which…* “Uh, why don’t *you* get it?”

Lark: *shocked* “What? Reach across the table, are you mad?! This is a fancy place!”

Sephiroth: *sweat drops* “Well, can’t you just use one of the ones by you?”

Lark: “Don’t be silly! You must hand me one and only the fish knife!”

Sephiroth: *gulp, takes a wild guess, picks up an obscure looking knife and hands it to Lark*

Lark: “Wow! You got it right! I’m impressed!”

Sephiroth: *wipes away sweat* “Yeah, well, I’m a classy guy!” *smiles*

Lark: “Yes, I suppose you’ve redeemed yourself.” *downs a glass of wine*

Sephiroth: *refills her glass* “Please, drink up!” *smiles*

Lark: “Sephy, are you trying to get me drunk?”

Sephiroth: *sweat drop* “…No…”

Lark: “Oh… ok then.”

*4 GLASSES LATER….*

(The restaurant has only gotten more crowded and noisy. Lark is a little, well… ok, fine, she’s pretty much smashed. Sephiroth has also loosened up some. They’ve been getting along pretty well so far. Lets see how much longer he can keep this good behavior up…)

Lark: *sighs* “I’m having a really nice time, Sephy-sama.”

Sephiroth: *shifts nervously* “I’m glad…”

Lark: “What’s wrong, Sephy?”

Sephiroth: “I- I have something to tell you, Lark…”

Lark: *yawns* “What’s up?”

Sephiroth: *takes a deep breath* “Lark, I love—”

(CRASH. A huge tray of food hits the floor)

Emily: “S-sorry!!!”

Lark: *chuckles* “Another one bites the dust… now, what were you saying, Sephy? You love…?”

Sephiroth: “Uh, I, er, love St. Patrick’s Day! It’s such a great holiday. Lots of green. And alcohol. And green. Yeah.”

Lark: “Oh, well, yeah, St. Patrick’s day is a fun holiday. The only down side is that Ashley insists on talking with a brogue the whole day. That can be a bit ass lancing.”

Sephiroth: “Ashley is a little ass lancing herself. What the hell does that mean, anyway?”

Lark: “Oh, you know, stuff that’s really irritating or bad. Ass lancing. Get it?”

Sephiroth: “Uh, right. Say, what time is it, woman?”

Lark: *checks watch* “11:30. Why? Got a hot date?” *laughs*

Sephiroth: *thinks* Only if I’m lucky…. *says* “Heh heh, yeah, right.”

Lark: “I wonder what the others are doing…?”


*IN THE RAMBLE ROOM…*

(Reno, Rude, Seifer, Zell, Irvine, Shell, Ashley and Noelle are all in the ramble room. Shell is giggling and painting Rude’s nails, Zell is trying to get his HP back up, Irvine is cleaning his gun, Reno and Noelle are having a drinking contest, and Seifer is whining with Ashley on his lap…)

Seifer: “I’m boooooored!”

Irvine: “Do you *ever* stop whining?”

Ashley: *rolls eyes* “No.”

Seifer: “Hey, I do too!”

Zell: “Yeah, right!” *laughs*

Seifer: “Shut up, chicken wuss!”

Zell: *flips out* “I am not a chicken wuss!!!!!”

Shell: *tee hee* “Baby blue is really your color, Rude!”

Rude: *sweat drop* “Yes, Shell…”

Noelle: “Damn!!! 11 shots and I’m *still* sober!”

Reno: “I don’t get it! I should be slammed by now!”

Ashley: “Maybe you’ve built up an immunity to alcohol.”

Reno: “No way!!! Don’t even joke around like that, Ashley!”

Ashley: *shrugs* “Whatever for you. Noelle is under age anyway.”

Noelle: “Quiet, you! You don’t understand the joy which is the only legal drug left to man!”

Reno: “Right on!”

(they high five)

Shell: “See, Rude? Don’t you look pretty!?”

Rude: “… … …”

Shell: *shakes a finger at him* “Now don’t take it off this time or I’ll be really upset!”

Rude: *sighs* “Yes, my dear.”

Irvine: “I wonder how that date is going….”

Girls: *look up* “What date?”

Guys: *sweat drops*

Zell: “Well, we…uh, kinda…” *cough* “set up Lark and Sephiroth on a date” *cough…*

Girls: “You WHAT!?”

Seifer: *laughs* “This should be good!”

Ashley: *hits him* “Don’t laugh! It’s about damn time! Who asked who?”

Rude: “Nobody. We set them up.”

Noelle: “Like, how do you mean?”

Irvine: “It was a blind date. For Lark, at least…”

Shell: “Well *that’s* a little deceptive!”

Reno: “Yeah, isn’t it great?”

Noelle: “She meant it in a bad way, honey.”

Shell: “No I didn’t! That’s great!!! There was so much sexual tension!”

Reno: “Hey, maybe he’ll finally score…”

Girls: *hit him* “RENO!!!!”

Reno: “Ow! Hey, take it easy!”

Ashley: “Well, maybe it would be a good idea to keep an eye on them…”

Shell: “How do you propose we do that?”

Ashley: “Easy! Irvine, which restaurant are they at?”

(All guys look at Irvine)

Irvine: “Um, I don’t think Sephiroth wants us there…”

Ashley and Noelle: “Watch us care!”

Rude: “Come on, girls. Lets just leave them alone…”

Shell: *rubs against him* “Oh, come on Rude- baby! Can’t you tell us where they are? I’ll make it worth your while…” *winks*

Rude: *drool* “Really?”

Shell: “You bet…”

Guys: *frantically try to signal Rude not to tell*

Shell: “Well?” *bats eyelashes*

Rude: *gulp* “They’re…at… Marios…”

Girls: “Score!!!”

Guys: *sighs of defeat*

Noelle: “Ok, now what?”

Ashley: “We call the restaurant and ask to talk to Sephy!”

Shell: “What the hell’s that gonna accomplish?”

Ashley: “Oh… I didn’t think that far ahead…” *sweat drop*

All: *sweat drops*

Noelle: *jumps up* “I got it!”

Shell: “What?”

Noelle: “We’ll have one of the *guys* call and recommend a club! He’ll go, and we can go too, and keep an eye on them while at the same time getting drunk!”

Reno: “That’s brilliant!”

Ashley: “Hey, that *is* a good idea!”

Shell: “But who should call? It has to be someone he’ll listen to…”

Ashley: “And has lots of experience with women…”

Noelle: “And is *believable*…”

(All the girls turn to Irvine)

Seifer: “KINNEAS?! Like hell Sephiroth will listen to him! He hates Irvine!”

Ashley: “So? I think he kinda admires Irvine. You’ll do perfectly, Irvy!”

Irvine: “Do I have to?”

Girls: “YES!!!”

Irvine: *sweat drop* “Alright….”


*BACK AT THE RESTAURANT…*

(Sephy is getting a little desperate for conversation topics. The odds that Lark enjoys torching towns and killing in her spare time are slim to none. That Emily chick isn’t helping any either…)

Sephiroth: “Sooo….”

Lark: “Sooo….”

(Emily comes over with a phone on a tray)

Emily: *starts shaking* “E-excuse me, Mr. S-sephiroth, sir? There’s a call for you…”

Sephiroth: *takes the phone* “Who the hell-o?”

Irvine: “Uh, hey Sephiroth! How’s the date going?”

Sephiroth: *hisses* “What do you want?!”

Irvine: “Um, nothing, really! I was just thinking-“

Sephiroth: “So tell someone who cares!”

Irvine: “Hey! Uh, I mean, I thought that maybe you might want to take Lark to a nightclub or something! Lark loves clubs…”

Sephiroth: *suspicious* “Really?”

Irvine: “Oh, yeah! As a matter of fact, her favorite club is just a few blocks away from Marios. It’s called, uh… ” *Sephy hears faint whispering in the background*  “It’s called Lava! Yeah, sorry, slipped my mind for a second…” *nervous laughter*

Sephiroth: “You better be for real, cuz if I find out otherwise, I’ll make you very, *very* sorry.”

Irvine: “I swear! I’m telling the truth! She’ll have a great time, I promise!”

Sephiroth: “You better hope so…” *hangs up*

Emily: “Are y-you done sir?”

Sephiroth: “Am I talking into the phone anymore?”

Emily: *sweat drop* “Well, no…”

Sephiroth: “Then I guess I’m finished, aren’t I?”

Emily: *eyes tear up, runs away*

Lark: “That’s a woman on the edge… who was that?”

Sephiroth: “Nobody important…” *mutters* “Not a *total* lie…” *normally* “Wanna get out of here?”

Lark: “You mean go home?” *looks a little disappointed*

Sephiroth: “Actually, I was thinking maybe a club. Like Lava.”

Lark: “Lava?! I love that place!”

Sephiroth: “Then lets go!”

(They pay the bill and leave)


*BACK IN THE RAMBLE ROOM…*

Irvine: *hangs up the phone and grins* “He bought it!”

Ashley: “Great! Lets go!”

Noelle: “Yay! More drinking!”

Reno: “I can hardly wait!”

Zell: “WOO HOO! PAAAHTAY!!!!”

Seifer: “Shut up already, chicken-wuss!”

Shell: “Yeah! Come on, Rude, lets go dancing!”

Rude: “Um, can I take this nail polish off…”

Shell: *fake insulted* “You mean you don’t like it?”

Rude: “Uh, no, it’s just that… uh, it clashes with my outfit!”

Shell: “Hmmm, well, I guess you have a point… you can take it off for now.”

Rude: *sigh of relief*


(LATER, AT LAVA…Everyone is waiting to go inside when Shell spots Lark. She goes to wave, but is quickly nudged by Noelle.)

Shell: “Ack, what?”

Noelle: “Oh my g-d, wait! Lark can’t know that we’re here! It’ll blow our cover!”

Reno: *confused* “What cover would that be?”

Noelle: *pulls them aside into the alley* “Irvine, if you would be so kind…”

Irvine: “Sure thing, lil’ lady!” *pulls out diagram*

Noelle:” Thank you hun, you’re fabulous. Now then.” *points to chart* “Sephiroth- “*points to chibi of Sephy* “is a hopeless cause; no charm, no class, no *experience*. Our mission today-” *Irvine flips to another page for her of a chart of the club* “Is to help Sephiroth win Lark’s heart, because we’re *all* sick of those two. Now for the plan. Reno, Irvine, Rude, and Seifer- you will need to disguise yourselves and go into the club to find Sephiroth. Once you do, distract him away from Lark and *try* to give him some good advice. If there are any emergencies, Ashley, Zell, and I will be in the lobby with a radio. “*hands them the other radio* “We can give you pointers from there and you should be in clear view. Shell, you have to watch out for Lark-if she gets too close to one of us we’re screwed. Any questions?”

Reno: *raises hand*

Noelle: “Yes, love?”

Reno: “Uh… what are we going to be disguised as?”

Noelle: “Oh! Glad you asked…” *holds up their costumes*

Guys: *jaws on the floor* *they faint*

MOMENTS LATER…

Noelle: *fanning Reno* “Reno-chan! Wake up!”

Ashley: *poking Seifer with a stick*” Get up!… Get up!… You suck.”

Guys: *come to, a little disoriented*

Rude: “*Please* tell me you’re kidding about our costumes.”

Noelle: “Nope!”

Guys: *sweat drops*

Shell: *tosses the clothes at them* “Now get changed!”

(AND THEN… Zell, Noelle, Shell, and Ashley are sitting around waiting.)

Noelle: “C’mon, we don’t got all night!”

Shell: “Rude, I’m sure you look cute!”

Rude: “No way, I’m not coming out!”

Ashley: “Just come *ON*!”

(The guys walk out dressed as…GIRLS?!)

Noelle: “May I present Irvina, Rena, Rudelle, and Seiferly.”

Zell: *falls over laughing* “Ha ha, sucks to be you!”

Seifer: “Shut the hell up, chicken wuss!”

Zell: “Whadda ya gonna do to me, *Seiferly*? Ha ha!”

Seifer: “That’s *it*!” *tries to maul Zell with a high-heel*

Irvine: “How can you girls wear these damn things? They’re so tight!”

Girls: “And…?”

Guys: *sweat drops*

Shell: “Good thing you didn’t take the nailpolish off, Rude, it matches your dress perfectly!”

Rude: “Damn, I *knew* I forgot something before we left…”

Noelle: “Alright, time is running out, let’s go!”


(They enter the club)

Ashley: “Do you see Lark or Sephiroth?”

Noelle: “No… guys, go look! You’re supposed to be looking!”

Guys: *mumble mumble…*

Noelle: *gives them a shove forward and they stalk ahead* *clicks on the radio* “Can you hear me?” *no answer* “Guys?”

Reno: *hears a muffled sound and looks at Irvine* “Irvine, get the radio outta your cleavage!”

Irvine: “Sorry…” *pulls it out* “We can hear ya loud and clear sunshine!”

Noelle: *ducks behind a plant with Ashley and Zell- they have a clear view of the entire club and everyone inside* “Good job, Irvina.”

Irvine: “Could you *not* call me that?”

Noelle: *giggles* “I have to, it’s your code name!”

Irvine: “I hate my code name! Can’t it be “Desperado” or something?”

Noelle: *thinks for a second* “NO! Now pay attention, I think they’re over by the bar!”

Irvine: *to “Rena”* “Noelle says they’re by the bar, go look.”

Reno: “Hells no! You look! I ain’t goin over there, it’s too crowded! People will see me! Why don’t you go?”

Irvine: “Fine… Hey ‘Rudelle’, why don’t *you* go?”

Rude: *gulp* “Fine.” *tries to walk over – it’s more like stumbling in the heels – to the bar, but on the way…*

???: “Hey there, foxy lady, goin’ my way?”

Rude: *gulp and turns to see an overly eager Nida checking him out*

Nida: “And what’s *your* name, baby?”

Rude: *in the highest voice he could get* “I’m…” *inward groan* “Rudelle.”

Nida: “Rudelle, huh? Must say I never heard *that* name before, but it’s a pretty name for a pretty lady.” *wink* “Why don’t I buy you a drink?”

Rude: *groans inaudibly over the loud club music* “Alright…”

Nida: *thinks* “Score!”

(They start to walk over to where Sephy and Lark are at the bar. Sephiroth is trying to get Lark drunk and it seems to be working pretty well.)

Shell: *spots Rude heading towards Lark and waves frantically* “Rude, no!”

Rude: *sees Shell waving and mouths* “Help me!!!”

Shell: *with some fast thinking, she quickly climbs up to the D.J. and whispers something in his ear. He nods and gets on the mic*

D.J. Laurence: “Hey hey, everybody! We have a special request goin’ out to a special gal. This is to Lark from Sephy with *strong like*.” *puts on some dance music*

Lark: *looks up from her drink* “Sephy, you requested something for me?”

Sephiroth: *to himself* No… *says* “Of course! Well, ya know… since you’re my date and all, only right, yeah? But you’re still just a stupid woman.”

Lark: “Whatever, Sephy.” *looks away*

Rude: *reaches Sephiroth and leans over to him* “Sephiroth!….Sephiroth!”

Sephiroth: *looks up and gives Rude a weird look* “Do I know you?”

Rude: *pulls off the wig for a split-second and then puts it back on* “It’s me, Rude!”

Sephiroth: *wide-eyed, falls over laughing* “What the hell ya doin’ dressed like a girl?!”

Rude: *rolls eyes* “Never mind that, I’m here to help! So are Irvine and Seifer and Reno and Shell and Ashley and Noelle and Zell.”

Sephiroth: “Uh…why?”

Rude: “Cuz we want to help you get Lark.” *goes on explaining*

(MEANWHILE… Shell goes back to the lobby to see how Noelle, Ashley, and Zell are doing)

Shell: “Anything yet?”

Noelle: “No, so far they seem to be doing good.”

Ashley: “Yeah, Rude’s talkin to Sephy now and the others are out trying to avoid Lark.”

Shell: “Good, and I averted a small crisis and saved the children from the burning bus.”

Noelle and Ashley: *weird looks at Shell*

Shell: “Never mind…I’m going back to find Irvine and the others. Check up later…” *she scampers away*

Zell: *leaning on Noelle* “This is boooooooooring!”

Noelle: “Ew!” *pushes him away* “Get the hell off me!”

Ashley: “Aw, c’mere.” *gives Zell a hug*

Noelle: “Ick, gag me…”

(MEANWHILE, BACK TO RUDE AND SEPHIROTH…)

Rude: “Got it?”

Sephiroth: “Yeah…uh…thanks…but don’t tell anybody I said that!”

Lark: *looks in their direction*

Rude: *turns head away quickly*

Lark: “Sephy, were you talking to that girl?”

Sephiroth: “Uh…no!”

Lark: *shrug* “Okay…wanna dance?”

Sephiroth: *sweat drop* “Uh… how bout you go pick a song and I’ll be right there, okay?”

Lark: “Alright.” *goes over to the D.J.*

Sephiroth: *sigh of relief* “Rude, ya gotta help me!”

Rude: *holds hands up* “No can do, man , I don’t know a bunch about dancing. Go find Irvine or Reno, they’ll know.”

Sephiroth: “Fine.” *runs to find them and looks around the room* “Hm…” *can’t find Irvine because Irvine is in disguise, however, he does find “Irvina”…* “Excuse me, could you dance with me for a second?”

Irvine: *turns around* “Always knew ya couldn’t dance!”

Sephiroth: “Cowboy-geek?! Aw man! *You’re* my only hope?! @#$% this, I’m screwed!”

Irvine: “Hey, you wanna learn how to dance or not?”

Sephiroth: *mumble mumble fine*

(Irvine tries to show him a couple of moves, but it is no use…)

Zell: *runs over and tries to teach him*

Shell: *tries to get Zell to stop and go back under cover when she sees that Lark has spotted them*

Lark: *goes over to Sephiroth and Zell, not noticing Irvine in his costume* “Zell? What are you doing here?!”

Noelle and Ashley: “Oh crap…”

Zell: *sweat drop* “Hi Lark! I was just…chillin…yeah…”

Irvine and Sephiroth: *sweat drop*

Zell: “Well, I better go, bye!” *tries to turn and go back*

Lark: “Don’t be silly, hang out with us!”

Zell: “Naw, really, I wouldn’t wanna interrupt your date…”

Lark: “Don’t be silly! It’s not a *real* date!”

Zell: “Well…okay!”

Lark: “Hooray! Now come dance with me!” *heads out onto the floor more*

Sephiroth: *evil deadly glares at Zell*

Zell: “Heh heh… don’t forget, ‘Roth, *I’m* the one who got you this date!”

Sephiroth: *demonic tone* “And *I’m* the one who can destroy your life!” *lunges at Zell and starts to choke him*

Ashley: “Oh crap!” *tries to run out and save Zell but is spotted by Lark*

Lark: “Ashley! Did you come here with Zell?”

Ashley: “Uh…yeah! Heh heh, what a…coincidence…heh…”

Lark: “Come join us!”

Sephiroth: *more evil glares at Ashley*

Ashley: *glares right back*

Sephiroth: *whimper*

Irvine: *sigh of relief that he wasn’t caught he heads over to the bar with Reno and Rude* “Hey Rudella…Rena.”

Rude: “Hi.”

Reno: “Very funny…Irvina.”

Irvine: *cringes*

Reno: “So what’s goin’ on?”

Irvine: “She’s dancin’ with ‘Roth.” *sigh*

(They all look over at Sephiroth who is pathetically trying to move to the beat with Lark. It’s a very sad sight indeed…)

Reno: “This sucks! There are other things I could be doing right now!” *grabs Rude’s scotch and downs it* “Ah, refreshing! I feel better!”

???: “Yo yo, punk! What da hell you doin here, turk? Tch, lousy Shinra and their damn freak employees.”

Reno and Rude: *sweat drops* “Barret? What the hell are you doing here?”

Barret: “I’m partyin’ up wit Cid, foo!”

Cid: “#$%**^$#*^^(&@&*&!!!!”

Barret: “Hells yeah!”

Noelle: “Alright!” *runs over to them* “Barret!!!!!!!!”

Barret: “Sup, Noelle? How you livin’, girl?”

Noelle: “Reno, take off that damn thing and come party with us!” *grabs a drink*

Reno: “Hells yeah!” *rips off the costume, the wig, and smears off the make-up* Let’s go!

Rude: “But we have a job to do!”

Reno: “C’mon, man, screw it!”

Rude: “Well I dunno…you guys go ahead, I’ll wait here…”

Nida: “Oh Rudella!!!!!”

Rude: *pales* “On second thought…”

(They head out to the dance floor too)

Shell: *sweat drop* *smacks her forehead* “This is *not* good… “*goes over to Noelle and crew* “Noelle, wasn’t this *your* idea?”

Noelle: “Yeah, so?”

Shell: “Uh, shouldn’t you be carrying out your own plans?!”

Noelle: “Eh…”

Shell: “What if Lark sees you?!”

(With perfect timing, Lark goes over to them)

Lark: “Hey guys, you’re here too?! Wow, what a strange turn of events, so are Ashley and Zell!”

Shell: “Ya don’t say…”

Noelle: *sweat drop*

Lark: “Come hang out with me and Sephy and everyone!”

Sephiroth: *evil glares at Noelle* “Nice goin’, Noelle. *Great* plan…”

Noelle: “Hey! It ain’t my fault she found us!” *innocent smile*

Sephiroth: *tries to slice Noelle in half with masamune, but Rude runs by followed by Nida*

Nida: “C’mon, Rudella, baby, no need to run from Nida! He’ll treat ya *real* good!”

Lark: “*Rudella?!?!?!?!?!?!*”

Rude: *in a normal voice* “LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!”

Nida: *gives up, stops and sighs* “They always run away…” *spots “Seiferly”* “Hey baby, what’s your sign?…”

Everyone: *sweat drop*

Lark: “Hey, wait a minute…Rudella? Seiferly?” *spots Irvine trying to give Sephy pointers* “Lemme guess…Irvina?”

Irvine: “Heh heh” *sweat drop*

Lark: “*What* in hell are you guys doing here? And dressed like *girls*?!” *looks at Rude, Irvine, Seifer, and Reno’s smudged makeup*

(Music stops and everybody turns to look)

Guys: *sweat drops*

Sephiroth: “Lark, I have something that I need to confess. I set this up so that I could tell you I love y-“

(Loud music starts again)

Lark: “You love *what*?”

Sephiroth: *loosing his nerve* “I love…yellow!” *motions to Irvine’s yellow dress, Rude’s yellow wig, Seifer’s yellow dangle earrings and Reno’s yellow bow* “It’s a fabulous color! And it goes great with green! And St. Patrick’s Day! Ya know, with the green and the alcohol and the green…heh heh…”

Lark: *weird looks at everybody*

Reno: *oblivious* “Yeah, St. Patrick’s day is great, lotsa beer…”

Noelle: *hits him over the head* “Baka! That’s not what he meant!” *frustrated sigh*

Reno: *shrug* “Whatever!” *gets another drink*

Lark: “Um, I think we should be getting home…”

Ashley: “Yeah, you’re right…”

Sephiroth: *mumble grumble I @#$%ing hate you all…*

Rude: “I dunno, this dress is kinda comfy…”

Shell: *weird looks at him*

Rude: “Uh…” *sweat drop* “Never mind…”

Seifer: “If one more guy hits on me, I swear…”

Cid: *comes over and puts an arm around Seifer* “@$^*&%@%(*&$@!#)(*(*&^%#@!&(*)#@!”

Seifer: *gasps in a high-pitched girl voice* “Watch your mouth around a lady!” *slap*

Cid: *blushes* “Sorry, ma’am!”

Everyone: *GASP!!!!!!!!!*

Lark: “This is…too…weird…” *faints*

Sephiroth: “Lark?…LARK?!…”

Noelle: “We should get her home…”

Zell: *laughs at Seifer* “Ha ha, chicken wuss!”

Seifer: “Shut the hell up, that’s *my* name for *you*!”

Zell: “Make me, chicken wuss! Ha ha-ACK!”

(Seifer chases Zell out with his gunblade and the rest follow, Sephiroth carrying Lark)


(BACK AT THE RAMBLE ROOM…Lark is still unconscious from shock and Sephiroth is holding her outside trying to revive her with fresh air.)

Sephiroth: “Lark, Lark, wake up!… Geez, I hope she’s okay…” *looks at everyone staring at him expectantly* “Ya mind?! I’m trying to have some private time here!”

Everyone: *roll eyes, go inside*

Barret: “Yo, Cid, c’mon and help me tie up that damn ostrich.” *spots Red* “Heeeeeeeeeere giraffe giraffe giraffe…”

Red: “My word, man, do *I* look like a giraffe to you?!”

Barret: “Yeah!”

Cid: “#@$&(^$##^(*(&$@^”

Red: “Oh dear…” *starts to run but is caught and tied to the tree outside* *sigh* “Why, G-d, why?”

Barret: “Cat’s gotta stay out for the night!”

Cid: “@#$*&#!!”

Barret: “Heh heh, you’re right! C’mon, let’s go inside and torture those damn Shinra…”

(They go inside looking for Rufus)

Reno: “Man, this night sucked. Let’s get inside…”

(He and Noelle go in)

Seifer: *whining* “My hosiery is bunching!”

Ashley: “Ew…”

(They go inside as well)

Rude: “C’mon, Shell, help me take this nail polish off…”

Shell: “Okay, great! Cuz then I can paint your nails coral pink!!!”

(she happily skips inside dragging Rude with her)

Irvine: *adjusting bra* “I gotta get out of these clothes…” *thinks* But the thong is pretty comfortable…

Zell: “Oooooooooh Noeeeeeeeee-eeeeeeeeeelle!!!!!!!!!!!” *runs inside to annoy her*

Noelle: *from inside* “Ew, get away from me!” *starts beating Zell up*

Sephiroth: “Good, those losers are gone now… Now we can…”

Lark: *awakens before he can finish his thought* “Sephy-sama? Oh…I was having a nice dream about Zechs and Treize…” *drool*

Sephiroth: “Lark!” *hugs her*

Lark: “What’s wrong, Sephy?”

Sephiroth: “You fainted! I was worried!”

Lark: “Aw, really Sephy?”

Noelle: *from inside* “Die, Zell, die!!!”

(something breaks)

Lark and Sephy: *sweat drops*

Sephiroth: “Yeah, I was guess I was worried… Even though you’re a stupid woman.”

Lark: “Oh Sephy, that’s sweet!” *gives him a peck on the cheek*

Sephiroth: *with renewed faith* “Lark, I have to tell you, it’s now or never. I love-“

(CRASH!)

Noelle: “Zell, you broke my vase! I’ll kill you good!!!!”

Lark: *sweat drop* “What was that, Sephy?”

Sephiroth: “I’m trying to tell you that I love y-“

(SMASH!)

Noelle: “I’ll make you *real* dead!!!!!!!”

Sephiroth: *a little annoyed* “I love-“

(BANG!)

Sephiroth: “I love-“

(SMASH!)

Sephiroth: “I love y-“

(BOOM!)

Sephiroth: “I love y-“

(SMACK!)

Sephiroth: “I love- ARGH!!!!!” *starts twitching as Noelle starts beating Zell again* “I CAN’T TAKE THIS!!!” *twitch twitch*

Lark: *sweat drop* “Maybe you better get inside Sephy…”

Sephiroth: “No, I have to tell you that I love-“

Lark: *cuts him off, a little annoyed* “Yeah, I know, I know, you love St. Patrick’s Day! You told me lotsa times before!”

Sephiroth: *sighs in self-defeat* “Yes, Lark…”

Lark: “I think we better go to bed, it’s waaaaaaaay late.”

Sephiroth: *twitch* “Okay…” *goes inside twitching*

Lark: “Geez, some people just can’t take the pressure…” *thinks for a second* “Hey, isn’t *tomorrow* St. Patrick’s Day? Hm, I gotta do something special with Sephy.” *goes inside looking to ask him out again* *checks the ramble room first where everybody from that night is, minus Zell, who is dead, courtesy of Noelle* “Hey, has anybody seen Sephiroth?”

Everyone: *mumble mumble no…*

Lark: “Aw, too bad, I was going to ask him out for tomorrow…”

Everyone: *heads snap up in interest* *plans start brewing in their disturbed little minds*

Lark: *sweat drop* “Never mind…” *goes upstairs to Sephiroth’s room* *gently knocks on the door and gets no response, so she goes in*

(Sephiroth is sleeping on his bed, exhausted from the night’s events. She walks over to him and sits on the edge of the bed, stroking his hair back)

Lark: *whispering to him* “Good night, Sephy-sama. I love you…”

(She gets up and leaves, closing the door behind her)

Sephiroth: *pops one eye open* “I love you too, Lark…”

THE END

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