Lark: “Why do I have feeling I should be getting used to this sort of thing?”
Originally Published: 5/31/00 . 15 pages
Synopsis
The ramble room is open and what better way to celebrate than to throw a big party? Unfortunately the losers have decided to crash and Lark is quickly learning that life with these characters isn’t going to be easy!
Ramble Milestones
-First Ramble, first everything
Well, this is the first ramble and even though a lot has changed since this first party, it’s funny that some things haven’t really changed at all. Sephiroth is complaining right off the bat, Reno is drinking, and Lark is bitchy and taking charge. This is the first of many, many ramble parties to come. A very humble beginning for something that grew much bigger than I ever thought it would.
(Lark and Sephiroth are standing in a room. There is a table and a few chairs, a couch, a kitchen area, and plants hanging from the ceiling. One wall is just one big mirror.)
Lark: “So, Sephiroth, what do you think?”
Sephiroth: “It’s terrible.”
Lark: “You don’t even know what I’m talking about.”
Sephiroth: “It still stinks.”
Lark: “Shut up! I just had this room built! Now we can all hang out in here.”
Sephiroth: “…oh…goody.”
Lark: “This is great! We’re going to have *so* much fun!”
Sephiroth: “You do realize that there are no windows.”
Lark: *frowns* “Damn! I knew I forgot something!”
Sephiroth: *mutters* “Idiot.”
(Ashley, Noelle, Shell, Katie and Lizzy enter.)
Ashley: “Wow! Great room, Lauren.”
Katie and Lizzy: “Sephiroth!!” *they run to him*
Sephiroth: *sweat drops* “AHHHHH!!!!” *runs away*
Noelle: “Tee hee! Now we can all hang out with the Final Fantasy characters!”
(Sephiroth runs by, Katie and Lizzy in pursuit)
Sephiroth: “Help me, Lark!!”
Lark: *laughs* “Yeah, right.”
Shell: “You’re all freaks.”
Lark: “Hey! I got an idea!!”
(Sephiroth runs and hides behind Lark. Katie and Lizzy give up…for now)
Sephiroth: “That’s a first.”
Lark: “We can have a party, and invite everyone!”
Ashley: “Yeah!!”
Noelle: “Hooray!”
Sephiroth: “No!”
Shell: “Weirdos.”
(Change to the party. Everyone’s there.)
Katie: “Great party, Lark…but where’s Sephiroth?”
Lizzy: *frowns* “Yeah. We turned our heads for a second, and then he was gone.”
Lark: *shrugs* “Good riddance.”
Sephiroth’s voice: “I heard that!”
Lark: *looks around* “Where the hell are you, Sephiroth?”
(Sephiroth falls off the ceiling with a clunk and lands on Hojo)
Hojo: “Ow! Sephiroth, get off daddy!”
Sephiroth: *shrieks* “Ew! I touched him!”
(he runs to the bathroom)
Lark: “Ew! Who let Hojo in!?!”
Ashley, Noelle, and Katie: “Ew!!!”
Hojo: *sweat drops* “Heh heh…I was invited.”
Ashley: “No you weren’t!”
Noelle: “You lying @#$%!”
Katie: “Ew!!! Hojo!!”
(hides behind Lizzy)
Lizzy: “Lark, who did you put in charge of the door? Obviously it’s not working!”
Lark: “Reno….and….Irvine.” *sweat drops*
Ashley, Noelle, Katie and Lizzy: “WHAT?!?”
Lark: “Eh heh heh….well, they really wanted to do it…”
Noelle: “Reno’s probably drunk off his ass!”
Ashley: “Irvine’s probably hooked up with someone and forgot all about it!” *pouts* “Wish it was me.”
Lark: “I’ll go check on him.”
(Squall screams from across the room)
Squall: “Ack! Lark, help!”
Ashley: *on alert* “Squall’s showing emotion!”
Shell: “That can only mean one thing….”
Lark: “Nida!!”
(Runs over in Squall’s direction. Nida’s talking to him and Rinoa.)
Nida: “So then I said, ‘Cid, since I’m so cool, why don’t you let *me* take over Garden?’ Then he told me to get lost. But I think my odds are pretty good.”
Lark: “Nida! Who invited you?!”
Nida: *shrugs* “There was no one guarding the door.”
Ashley: *In a sing song voice* “Told ya!”
Nida: “Can I stay anyway?”
Lark: “No!” *turns to Squall* “Can you escort him out, please?”
Squall: *grins* “Sure!”
Lark: *taken back* “Wow. Squall smiled.”
Rinoa: “Yeah, he really hates Nida.”
Ashley: “Shut up, crack whore.”
Rinoa: *frowns* “Hey…”
Lark: “Uh, don’t mind her, Rinoa.” *drags Ashley away* “I’m going to go check on Reno and Irvine.”
(She runs over to the door. Reno’s leaning against the door frame with a bottle of tequila)
Reno: *singing* “On the goooood ship lollipop! It’s a nice trip to a candyyyyyy shooooppppp…”
Lark: “RENO!!!”
Reno: *grins* “What’s up, babe?”
Lark: “What’s up?! You’re drunk, that’s what! And you’re supposed to be watching the door! You let Hojo and Nida in!!”
Reno: *hiccups* “Whoopsi.”
Lark: *hands on hips* “And where’s Irvine?!”
Reno: “I sent him off with Elena. Tseng said he was sick of her.”
Lark: “YOU SENT HIM OFF WITH ELENA!!?!”
Reno: “Whoa. Don’t go and flip out on me.”
Noelle: “Aw! Don’t be so mean to Reno! He’s cute!”
Reno: *grins* “See? I’m cute. You can’t be mad at me.”
Lark: “You’re not as cute as Rufus. *He* can get away with anything. *You* can’t.”
Noelle: “Aw!” *hugs Reno*
Reno: *offers her the tequila bottle* “Want some?”
Noelle: *makes a grab for it* “Sure!”
Lark: *shakes head* “I’ll get someone else to guard the door. Someone I can trust…” *scans the room*
Sephiroth: *coming back in* “How about me?”
Lark: “No.”
Sephiroth: “Why not?” *takes out masamune and grins* “I’ll make sure no one disgusting like Hojo gets through.”
Lark: “No way.”
Sephiroth: “Let me do it, woman!”
Lark: *grins innocently* “Oh, Katie! Lizzy!”
Sephiroth: *pales* “Forget it.” *walks away*
Lark: *rubs her hands together* “I like that. Now who do I trust…..?” *scans the room again.*
Shell: “You’re all crazy.”
Lark: “Who should I get to guard the door? Hmmm… how about Rude?”
Shell: “Drunk.”
Lark: “Cid?”
Shell: “Drunk.”
Lark: “Barret?”
Shell: “Drunk.”
Lark: “Zell?”
Shell: “Eating.”
Lark: “Laugu–uh, never mind.”
Ashley: *running over* “Uh…heh heh. Lark…”
Lark: “What’s wrong now?”
Ashley: “Reno and Irvine let Heidegger and, uh, *Scarlet* in.”
Lark: “SCARLET!!!!!”
Shell: *backs up a step* “Whoa. Steer clear.”
(Lark runs over to Scarlet and Heidegger, who are standing near Rufus.)
Lark: “Uh, hello, Rufus. Reeve. Bria.”
(Reeve, and Rufus are too busy fighting over Bria to notice.)
Rufus: “She likes me better.”
Reeve: “I don’t think so. She liked me first, *and* she likes me better.”
Bria: *mouths* “Help me!”
Lark: “Uh…Rufus…why don’t you help me get rid of Scarlet and Heidegger?”
Scarlet: “Hey!”
Ashley: “You weren’t invited.”
Scarlet: “Reno said I was.”
Lark: “Yeah, well Reno was also singing ‘On the good ship lollipop’.”
(Reeve and Rufus stop fighting over Bria for a moment.)
Reeve: *drops jaw* “What?”
Rufus: “He was singing *what*?!”
Bria: *grins* “Later, boys.” *slips away*
(Reeve and Rufus turn to where she just was, then look at each other.)
Rufus: “She left cause she doesn’t like you.”
Reeve: “No, she left cause she doesn’t like you.”
Lark: *grabbing Rufus by the arm and pulling him away from Reeve* “Now you’re gonna leave cause I don’t like them!” (points to Heidegger and Scarlet*
Heidegger: “Gya haa haa!”
Scarlet: *elbows him* “Shut up, moron. They’re kicking us out.” *smiles at Rufus* “Unless Rufus wants otherwise.” *bats eyelashes*
Rufus: *makes a disgusted face* “Uh, no. I really don’t.”
Lark: *pushing Rufus along* “Come on, Rufus. Escort them out. They’re bringing the whole party down.”
Ashley: “Actually the party’s pretty sad whether they’re here or not.”
Lark: “Shut up.”
(Rufus takes Scarlet and Heidegger away)
Lark: *sighs* “Anyone else I should be aware of?”
Ashley: “No…but there’s Irvine.” *points to where Irvine is flirting with Elena in the corner. Elena’s trying to get away.*
Lauren: *frowns* “You get Selphie. And I’ll get Tseng. We’ll break them up fast enough.”
(Ashley and Lark part. Meanwhile…)
Noelle: “Hey, Reno. This tequila’s pretty good.”
Reno: “Yup.”
(Cid comes up to Shell.)
Cid: “@#$%@&^?”
Shell: *screams and runs away to Sephiroth* “Sephiroth!”
Sephiroth: *pulls out masamune and makes a few slashes* “What!?!”
Shell: *hides behind him* “Protect me!”
Sephiroth: *smiles confidently* “At least someone recognizes my ability to scare everyone away.”
Katie and Lizzy: *from across the room* “SEPHIROTH!!!” *they run towards him*
Sephiroth: “AHHHHH!” *runs away*
Shell: “Hey! You’re supposed to protect me! Stupid planet freak.”
(Ashley’s dragged Selphie away from her conversation with Quistis and Lark has pulled Tseng out of the corner.)
Tseng: “Where are you taking me?”
Lark: “You have to help me with Elena.”
Tseng: *frowns* “Oh no.” *he tries to pull away, but lark keeps dragging him.*
Ashley: “I got Selphie.”
Selphie: “What’s going on?”
(Lark points to Irvine and Elena)
Selphie: “Irvine!”
Irvine: *looks over in surprise* “Selphie!”
(Silence. Lark pokes Tseng really hard.)
Tseng: *fakely* “Oh…Elena.”
Elena: “Tseng!” *runs over to him* “I wasn’t really interested in him.”
Lark: “Don’t worry, Selphie. Ashley and I will take care of Irvine.”
Selphie: “You’re not going to flirt with him, are you?”
Lark: “………………….no. Right, Ashley?”
Ashley: *gives Lark a strange look* “What are you talking about, Lark? You always say–” *Lark pokes her* “Uh…right.”
(Selphie goes back to her conversation with Quistis)
Irvine: “Damn! You drove my new chick away!”
Lark: *glares* “Irvine, you may be cute but I have a bone to pick with you!”
Irvine: *tips hat* “What’s the problem, little lady?” *winks*
Lark: *smiles fondly at Irvine* “Uh…..hehe…you’re so cute.” *Ashley hits her* “Uh, oh yeah! Yeah, you let me down, Irvine! You said you wanted to guard the door, but you went off with Elena!”
Irvine: *shrugs* “Reno said she was easy.”
Ashley: *covers her ears* “I’m not hearing this!”
Lark: “Well you owe me now.”
Irvine: “What do I owe ya?”
Lark: *thinks* “You have to let me wear your hat.”
Irvine: *pouts and hands it over* “Fine.”
Lark: *puts it on* “Yee haw!”
Shell: *running over* “Help me, Lark! Your freakish Final Fantasy friends are scaring me.”
Lark: *without turning around* “Shell, I told you that I can’t do anything about Sephiroth. That’s the way he is. If I could change him, I would.”
Shell: “No, not Sephiroth! Katie and Lizzy chased him off. It’s that guy! With the cigarette!”
Lark: *whirls around* “Cid!! No smoking in here!”
Cid: “$(&@#$(@!&!”
Lark: “I don’t care. You put that out right now. And lay off the whiskey for awhile.”
Cid: *walking away* “@#$@^*&@*.”
Shell: “You can understand that?!”
Ashley: “Sure. Cid always talks like that.”
Shell: *shakes head* “I guess I’ll never understand.”
Reno and Noelle: *from across the room, singing* “Quit playin’ games with my heart! My heart! My heart! I should have known from the starttttttt.”
Shell: *covers ears* “That’s not the Backstreet boys.”
Lark: *head in hands* “I’m going to pretend this isn’t happening.”
Katie: “Hey, have you seen Sephiroth?”
Shell: “Not since he ran away from you two.”
Lizzy: *frowns* “I just want to give him a hug!”
Lark: “Uh…okay.”
Ashley: “Lark, you gonna find someone to guard the door, or not? I don’t want Hojo getting back in.”
Lark: *darkly* “Or Scarlet.”
Ashley: *backs up a step* “Eh heh heh. Her too.”
Lark: “Don’t worry. I’ll find someone. Everyone else just go enjoy the party.”
(Everyone exchanges worried looks)
Lark: “GO HAVE FUN!”
Ashley, Katie, Lizzy and Shell: “Eep!!” *they run away*
Lark: *claps hands together* “Okay….now who can I trust to guard the door?” *walks through the room* “Hey, Cloud!”
Cloud: “Huh?”
Lark: “Never mind.” *looks around again* “Hey, Vincent.”
Vincent: *twitching* “Just a moment.” *turns into Chaos*
Lark: *backing up* “Never mind.” *goes to approach Seifer*
Yuffie: *runs by and tags Seifer* “You’re it!”
Seifer: “Hey! Get back here!” *runs after Yuffie, but stops next to Zell, who’s by the food table. Tags him* “Hey chicken-wuss! You’re it!”
Zell: “Can’t. Eating.”
Yuffie: “Ha ha! Can’t catch me!”
Seifer: “Stupid jerk!” *runs after Yuffie*
Lark: “Screw that idea.” *looks around again*
Laguna: “Hey hey!”
Lark: *quickening her pace* “No no!”
Kiros: “Ward says you’re a moron, Laguna.”
Laguna: “Huh, what?”
Lark *continues through the room* “Hey, has anyone seen Red?”
(Everyone around her shrugs. Meanwhile…)
Barret: *slurs* “Hey, thissss isssss funny.”
Cid: “@#$%!”
Red’s voice: *from inside the oven, which is *not* turned on* “I do not find this humorous.”
(Meanwhile…)
Lark: “I can’t find anyone to guard the door! Everyone’s either drunk or….” *shudders*
Noelle: *holding up the tequila bottle and leaning on Reno, sings* “Hit me baby one more time!”
Ashley: “No Britney Spears!” *flees the room*
Sephiroth: *peaks back in* “Is it safe?”
Lark: *grumbles* “For now.”
Sephiroth: *coming in* “Not that I care, but since I am bored, I am going to ask you what’s wrong and you are going to answer me and not say ‘nothing’.”
Lark: “I can’t find anyone to guard the door.”
Sephiroth: “What about me?”
Lark: “Ka–” *Sephiroth claps a hand over her mouth.* “Mmnnnmmm!Seffferopphhh!”
Sephiroth: “Thank you for the honor.” *stands by the door, masamune in one hand, Lark in the other*
Rufus: *coming back in* “I got rid of Scarlet. And Heidegger.” *Sephiroth stops him with the masamune* “Hey! Move it, or I’ll call security.”
Sephiroth: “I am security. You’re not allowed in.”
Rufus: “What?! But I just left! I went to take Scarlet and Heidegger away. I did everyone a big favor!”
Sephiroth: “Sorry. You have to leave.”
Rufus: “Lark! Do something!”
Lark: “Seffferopphh! Ah want Ruffusss ooo—mmnnmnmnmm!!!”
Rufus: “What?”
Sephiroth: *smiles sweetly* “She said she wants you out.”
Rufus: “But she’s totally in love with me!”
Sephiroth: “Out.”
Lark: “Mmnmnmmnnnmmnm!”
Rufus: “Uh…I don’t think she can breathe.”
Sephiroth: “She’ll be fine – beat it.”
(Hours later. No one is left at the party. Ashley, Noelle, Shell, Reno, Katie and Lizzy are stuck outside the door. Sephiroth won’t let them back in.)
Ashley: “Sephiroth! This is ridiculous! We were just in there!”
Sephiroth: “I’m sorry, Lark says she wants you out!”
Lark: “Mnmnmnackie! Elp!”
Sephiroth: “She wants you out of here.”
Shell: “……good.”
Reno and Noelle: *singing* “On top of old smoky….”
Lizzy: “Isn’t Sephiroth cool the way he’s threatening to kill us?”
Katie: *dreamy sigh* “Yeah…..”
Ashley: *frowns* “Come on girls…and Reno. Let’s go.”
Reno: *hiccups* “Can we go to a karaoke bar?”
(They leave. Sephiroth finally lets Lark go.)
Lark: “Sephiroth! I can’t believe you did that to me!! You forced everyone out!”
Sephiroth: *stretches out on the couch* “Yeah. Isn’t it great?”
Lark: “No! You ruined my party!”
Sephiroth: “It’s better without the noisy drunks.”
(They hear a slight banging.)
Red’s voice: “Heeeelllllllpppppp!”
Lark: “Do you hear something?”
Sephiroth: *closing his eyes* “No.”
Lark: *shrugs and sighs*”Why do I have feeling I should be getting used to this sort of thing?”
THE END
The Rambles Live! 
Why did the names of the Ramble Girls (except for Shell) change? Did Michelle and all the rest become unhappy with being involved in your stories? Ah, revisiting the fist Ramble is like being thirteen again. Oh, nostalgia.